What do you think?
Reading Your Male: An Invitation to Understand and Influence Your Man's Sexuality
There is a growing crisis among our men and boys in the area of sexual temptation and pornography use is skyrocketing and increasing numbers of men find themselves entangled in a web they can't seem to escape. Yet many men feel greatly misunderstood by their women, while just as many women feel mystified and powerless to help their men.
—Mary Farrar, Reading Your Male Now author Mary Farrar confirms that every woman—whether a wife, mother, or single woman—can play a powerful and pivotal role in the male sexual struggle by entering into her man's world, seeing through his eyes, thinking with his mind, feeling with his emotions, connecting with his soul. Reading Your Male de-mystifies inner male sexuality, exposes the enemy's tactics in taking down our men, and equips women to use their innate gifts in becoming a man's greatest ally in the fight for victory. Using biblical insight and up-to-date research, Farrar also tackles some of the most elusive questions women are asking today, such Why do men struggle so deeply in the area of sexuality? What are we to think about pornography and masturbation? Why does this generation of men appear to be so reticent? What does a man crave most from a woman? What is a woman's most powerful gift to her man? How can a woman draw out an emotionally unavailable man? What is a healthy view of strong femininity and beauty?
—Mary Farrar, Reading Your Male Now author Mary Farrar confirms that every woman—whether a wife, mother, or single woman—can play a powerful and pivotal role in the male sexual struggle by entering into her man's world, seeing through his eyes, thinking with his mind, feeling with his emotions, connecting with his soul. Reading Your Male de-mystifies inner male sexuality, exposes the enemy's tactics in taking down our men, and equips women to use their innate gifts in becoming a man's greatest ally in the fight for victory. Using biblical insight and up-to-date research, Farrar also tackles some of the most elusive questions women are asking today, such Why do men struggle so deeply in the area of sexuality? What are we to think about pornography and masturbation? Why does this generation of men appear to be so reticent? What does a man crave most from a woman? What is a woman's most powerful gift to her man? How can a woman draw out an emotionally unavailable man? What is a healthy view of strong femininity and beauty?
304 pages, Paperback
First published February 1, 2009
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
July 20, 2012
The book is interesting and the principles are relevant regardless of your religion.
June 21, 2013
First off, this book was free from the publisher a couple of weeks ago. Had it not been free, I would have requested my money back from Amazon after the first couple of chapters.
Moving on, I'll offer to the table that I am not married and certainly am not a mother. The title really sounds a lot more risque than this book actually is, but other reviewers are correct in stating that it often assumes marital problems all start with women not giving enough sexual attention to their husbands. Such teaching is dangerous, and while some say that the book is only geared toward married women - think back to how many times the author speaks directly to the unmarried women reading the book for the counsel of an older woman.
The first place where I would have put the book down and walked away (which would have been a shame, better stuff came later), was on what my Kindle identifies as page 134. It takes scripture out of context and could be understood to say that the greatest commandment only speaks from an emotional sense. WRONG. Love is love, even when emotions are not there - because love is more about commitment between two people and God than it is a feeling. We are not to love God only out of our emotions, but out of our FREE WILL and our faith is to live out that love and it will be seen by others as our good works that are fruit from a heart committed to loving God with far more than just our emotions. Faulty theology is faulty theology, no matter how experienced or godly the author is.
Another worrisome thing I'd like to point out is that the author seems to encourage every single godly couple to get professional counselling in more than one instance. The thought that "EVERYONE" needs constant counselling has become a serious crutch in our post-modern world that often can cause just as much or more hurt than trying to pray through things together as a couple - or even, dare I say it, A FAMILY. I don't remember the author even mentioning praying together as a family, though perhaps it was mentioned at one of the times when I was just trying to get through the book so I could feel as if I'd read the entire thing so as to do it justice with a review. If a woman finds herself in a situation where counselling is needed, by all means - seek help! But, first, I would recommend seeking help from our heavenly Father who doesn't charge by the hour or sometimes cause people to become dependent on them in an unhealthy way. Seek help from godly church leaders, elderly sisteren and brethren, parents and so on. Not all at the same time, either. It's also biblical to pray for God's guidance about which person to seek out and to have them join you in prayer BEFORE you try to drag your husband into counselling.
In our culture, too many men equate "we need to talk" and "counselling" with "I want grounds for an 'irreconcilable differences' divorce." Well meaning Christian authors and therapists and even counselors have helped to add to this stigma as well as modern media. Don't make the same mistake the author of this book makes a few times in thinking that all men are the same. My brother is absolutely nothing like my father in emotional respects while uncles and men in our local congregation are even more different yet. How offended would you be as a woman, if someone said that "ALL WOMEN like to sew their own dresses, cook their own food from produce they grew in their own garden and desire deep down to home school their own children"? Doesn't feel nice, does it? Allow men the same courtesy of having different temperaments and personalities. For goodness' sake, do NOT listen to those people that say "Men only want ONE thing" or that sex will help every single marital problem.
After the author gets off of those hobby horses, she starts making a lot more sense...and that's where I started using the highlighter on my kindle. Good stuff there that would have even been relevant when my brother and I were teenagers. It includes biblical advice about how to make an appeal to a godly man - or even a fool. It tells you about showing "tough love" in a biblical way to the men in your life and shows how UNBIBLICAL it is to allow open sin to continue in the lives of the men in our lives under the guise of making excuses or taking the blame upon ourselves. The latter half of the book almost makes up for the things that had made me want to complain to the publisher for having stolen my time with their free book, but you have to sift through the mediocre to get there. There's nuggets of wisdom buried in the experience of the godly woman who wrote this book, but (like us all), she's human and sometimes things were left a little too much to opinions that aren't given enough information about. If she polled men, it would have been helpful to know how many, their ages and from what demographics - not just what she assumed was "enough" to make something "across the board".
There was also a very good point about what happens when men are taken from the leadership roles that they are intended for and how this is often the cause of the weak & emasculated men that fill so many of our churches. That's near the end of the book and is something that not only needs to be said - but HEARD in our churches today. Men need to be encouraged to fill the roles God created them to fill, continually - not just when they accept the appointment.
This book was a mixed bag, but I'm glad I read it. I'm also glad I've finished it and can move on. I don't know that I'll be recommending it to any friends, as the title really would be off-putting to most godly women I know.
If you are a single woman and want to read something more relevant to marriage and the prospect of it, read the book from Gary Thomas called "The Sacred Search: What If It's Not About Who You Marry, But Why?". It's safer counsel, and from a godly older man's point of view.
Moving on, I'll offer to the table that I am not married and certainly am not a mother. The title really sounds a lot more risque than this book actually is, but other reviewers are correct in stating that it often assumes marital problems all start with women not giving enough sexual attention to their husbands. Such teaching is dangerous, and while some say that the book is only geared toward married women - think back to how many times the author speaks directly to the unmarried women reading the book for the counsel of an older woman.
The first place where I would have put the book down and walked away (which would have been a shame, better stuff came later), was on what my Kindle identifies as page 134. It takes scripture out of context and could be understood to say that the greatest commandment only speaks from an emotional sense. WRONG. Love is love, even when emotions are not there - because love is more about commitment between two people and God than it is a feeling. We are not to love God only out of our emotions, but out of our FREE WILL and our faith is to live out that love and it will be seen by others as our good works that are fruit from a heart committed to loving God with far more than just our emotions. Faulty theology is faulty theology, no matter how experienced or godly the author is.
Another worrisome thing I'd like to point out is that the author seems to encourage every single godly couple to get professional counselling in more than one instance. The thought that "EVERYONE" needs constant counselling has become a serious crutch in our post-modern world that often can cause just as much or more hurt than trying to pray through things together as a couple - or even, dare I say it, A FAMILY. I don't remember the author even mentioning praying together as a family, though perhaps it was mentioned at one of the times when I was just trying to get through the book so I could feel as if I'd read the entire thing so as to do it justice with a review. If a woman finds herself in a situation where counselling is needed, by all means - seek help! But, first, I would recommend seeking help from our heavenly Father who doesn't charge by the hour or sometimes cause people to become dependent on them in an unhealthy way. Seek help from godly church leaders, elderly sisteren and brethren, parents and so on. Not all at the same time, either. It's also biblical to pray for God's guidance about which person to seek out and to have them join you in prayer BEFORE you try to drag your husband into counselling.
In our culture, too many men equate "we need to talk" and "counselling" with "I want grounds for an 'irreconcilable differences' divorce." Well meaning Christian authors and therapists and even counselors have helped to add to this stigma as well as modern media. Don't make the same mistake the author of this book makes a few times in thinking that all men are the same. My brother is absolutely nothing like my father in emotional respects while uncles and men in our local congregation are even more different yet. How offended would you be as a woman, if someone said that "ALL WOMEN like to sew their own dresses, cook their own food from produce they grew in their own garden and desire deep down to home school their own children"? Doesn't feel nice, does it? Allow men the same courtesy of having different temperaments and personalities. For goodness' sake, do NOT listen to those people that say "Men only want ONE thing" or that sex will help every single marital problem.
After the author gets off of those hobby horses, she starts making a lot more sense...and that's where I started using the highlighter on my kindle. Good stuff there that would have even been relevant when my brother and I were teenagers. It includes biblical advice about how to make an appeal to a godly man - or even a fool. It tells you about showing "tough love" in a biblical way to the men in your life and shows how UNBIBLICAL it is to allow open sin to continue in the lives of the men in our lives under the guise of making excuses or taking the blame upon ourselves. The latter half of the book almost makes up for the things that had made me want to complain to the publisher for having stolen my time with their free book, but you have to sift through the mediocre to get there. There's nuggets of wisdom buried in the experience of the godly woman who wrote this book, but (like us all), she's human and sometimes things were left a little too much to opinions that aren't given enough information about. If she polled men, it would have been helpful to know how many, their ages and from what demographics - not just what she assumed was "enough" to make something "across the board".
There was also a very good point about what happens when men are taken from the leadership roles that they are intended for and how this is often the cause of the weak & emasculated men that fill so many of our churches. That's near the end of the book and is something that not only needs to be said - but HEARD in our churches today. Men need to be encouraged to fill the roles God created them to fill, continually - not just when they accept the appointment.
This book was a mixed bag, but I'm glad I read it. I'm also glad I've finished it and can move on. I don't know that I'll be recommending it to any friends, as the title really would be off-putting to most godly women I know.
If you are a single woman and want to read something more relevant to marriage and the prospect of it, read the book from Gary Thomas called "The Sacred Search: What If It's Not About Who You Marry, But Why?". It's safer counsel, and from a godly older man's point of view.
July 26, 2010
This book is crazy!!!!!! First of all, it does not list itself as religious or evangelical, but it is. Within the first 20 pages it says that male masturbation is a sexual sin and is a gateway to reckless sexual behavior - at one point it suggests that if a married man masturbates he will no longer want sexual relations with his wife because she will not be able to satisfy him as well as he can himself!!! I mean....I couldn't believe what I was reading...if this is what evangelicals believe, then what a horribly small and unbearable existence it must be.
August 4, 2011
I'm just starting to read this book and I'm already blown away by the amount of wisdom and insight that is given. Mary's tender heart for building up the men in our lives is contagious. I've not read anything like this before. I've only read two chapters, and I'm beginning to think this book is a critical read for christian woman- especially with the current marriage crisis that has overtaken our culture.
June 28, 2013
I don't recommend this book.
April 26, 2019
As a man, I have to say this is the one of the best books I have read that is on this subject, written by a woman. So much practical information and insight. It has the potential of helping so many women mature in their understanding of their husbands.
May 24, 2013
First, be aware this book handles mature content so unless you are married I don't really see the sense in reading it. (Plus most of it is intended for wives or moms anyway.)
There were a few good things in this book, especially towards the end there were some parts I did enjoy. Basically the parts about sex are pretty much BS, but a few of the other issues talked about were good. I liked the chapter/section on boundaries in marriage!
Ok what I did NOT like:
1. The author was constantly quoting other people. More than 50% of the book is quotes from others.
2. Her so called "surveys" are questionable. She never states how many men she surveyed, and it sounds like she knew them all. That sort of survey isn't going to convince me, sorry. There is no true "psychological" evidence in this book.
3. I HATE STEREOTYPES. "Men are visual, women are emotional." "All men struggle with lust." "Every man is temped by porn." "Women have a lower sex drive than men" "All men need/want sex more than women." Stereotypes are not accurate. They are not the rule. I personally asked my husband a lot of the questions from this book and his answers were totally different. If you read this and discover you don't fit "THE MOLD" don't feel guilty or like a freak. Every couple is UNIQUE. And so is every single man and women. Just throw stereotypes out the door because they don't tell the truth.
4. The biggest stereotype through is book is MEN ARE OBSESSED WITH SEX. Yes, some men are. Perverts, freaks, over sheltered boys who don't realize girls have elbows. And I do realize that some men really do struggle with sexual temptation, I don't want to make light of it. But not every single man is so easily lead astray. As I was reading this book I was reminded of how sheltered America is. I currently have lived in Romania for 6 years and my husband was born and raised here. In Romania full nudity is entirely legal whether it is on TV, billboards, magazine covers, grocery store items, sunbathing or any other area. If a man from America cannot handle Victoria's Secret ads, God help him in a European country!! But with that said, I have asked my husband many times how it affects him and how he deals with it, and his answer is always "I just think its gross!" honestly, I think it bothers me more than him. While he is always respectful and averts his eyes, it honestly doesn't turn him on. Yes, he is a normal human male. Just like I find Channing Tatum a hunk, he will admit he finds some women attractive. But attraction doesn't equal lust. I think monkeys are cute but I do NOT want a monkey of my own. (And as a side note, just because he doesn't find the naked women on the billboards a turn on..doesn't mean he is callused and has no sexual desires anymore. He just wants *one* women to turn him on, and that is me, his wife. We have great chemistry together and a great sex life. I am so glad I married a man who knows the true meaning I fidelity!)
5. One of the things that really bugged me about this book is that it encourages wives to see the worst in their husband. The author has lists if questions you should often ask yourself about your hubby. It encourages you to ask and think about all the "what ifs" which is just going to damage your relationship. If you want my $0.02, how about just both being honest to each other and keep communicating? If there aren't any red flags, don't create them! What happened to marriages being centered on trust? Instead, ladies like this are sneaking around checking their husbands emails and dropping by the work place "just to make sure" nothing is going on. If your husband hasn't violated your trust, be an adult and trust him. (If he has, that is another story.) Don't just assume that he is a perverted obsessed sexual being. That's wrong.
Ok, really my phone is about dead. I did not plan on writing such a long review but this book fired me up. Books like this are possibly helpful to marriages suffering from sexual sins, but if you have a good marriage, don't read this book and end up thinking you haven't known your husband all along. Sometimes people are exactly who they are. Don't believe a stereotype over the man you married and love!
Ok. I'm done. Overall it gets 2 stars. Because of the poor content and also the writing was pretty bad as well.
There were a few good things in this book, especially towards the end there were some parts I did enjoy. Basically the parts about sex are pretty much BS, but a few of the other issues talked about were good. I liked the chapter/section on boundaries in marriage!
Ok what I did NOT like:
1. The author was constantly quoting other people. More than 50% of the book is quotes from others.
2. Her so called "surveys" are questionable. She never states how many men she surveyed, and it sounds like she knew them all. That sort of survey isn't going to convince me, sorry. There is no true "psychological" evidence in this book.
3. I HATE STEREOTYPES. "Men are visual, women are emotional." "All men struggle with lust." "Every man is temped by porn." "Women have a lower sex drive than men" "All men need/want sex more than women." Stereotypes are not accurate. They are not the rule. I personally asked my husband a lot of the questions from this book and his answers were totally different. If you read this and discover you don't fit "THE MOLD" don't feel guilty or like a freak. Every couple is UNIQUE. And so is every single man and women. Just throw stereotypes out the door because they don't tell the truth.
4. The biggest stereotype through is book is MEN ARE OBSESSED WITH SEX. Yes, some men are. Perverts, freaks, over sheltered boys who don't realize girls have elbows. And I do realize that some men really do struggle with sexual temptation, I don't want to make light of it. But not every single man is so easily lead astray. As I was reading this book I was reminded of how sheltered America is. I currently have lived in Romania for 6 years and my husband was born and raised here. In Romania full nudity is entirely legal whether it is on TV, billboards, magazine covers, grocery store items, sunbathing or any other area. If a man from America cannot handle Victoria's Secret ads, God help him in a European country!! But with that said, I have asked my husband many times how it affects him and how he deals with it, and his answer is always "I just think its gross!" honestly, I think it bothers me more than him. While he is always respectful and averts his eyes, it honestly doesn't turn him on. Yes, he is a normal human male. Just like I find Channing Tatum a hunk, he will admit he finds some women attractive. But attraction doesn't equal lust. I think monkeys are cute but I do NOT want a monkey of my own. (And as a side note, just because he doesn't find the naked women on the billboards a turn on..doesn't mean he is callused and has no sexual desires anymore. He just wants *one* women to turn him on, and that is me, his wife. We have great chemistry together and a great sex life. I am so glad I married a man who knows the true meaning I fidelity!)
5. One of the things that really bugged me about this book is that it encourages wives to see the worst in their husband. The author has lists if questions you should often ask yourself about your hubby. It encourages you to ask and think about all the "what ifs" which is just going to damage your relationship. If you want my $0.02, how about just both being honest to each other and keep communicating? If there aren't any red flags, don't create them! What happened to marriages being centered on trust? Instead, ladies like this are sneaking around checking their husbands emails and dropping by the work place "just to make sure" nothing is going on. If your husband hasn't violated your trust, be an adult and trust him. (If he has, that is another story.) Don't just assume that he is a perverted obsessed sexual being. That's wrong.
Ok, really my phone is about dead. I did not plan on writing such a long review but this book fired me up. Books like this are possibly helpful to marriages suffering from sexual sins, but if you have a good marriage, don't read this book and end up thinking you haven't known your husband all along. Sometimes people are exactly who they are. Don't believe a stereotype over the man you married and love!
Ok. I'm done. Overall it gets 2 stars. Because of the poor content and also the writing was pretty bad as well.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews