The Secret Lives of Teen Girls: What Your Mother Wouldn't Talk about but Your Daughter Needs to Know

by Evelyn Resh CNM MPH

In The Secret Lives of Teen Girls, Evelyn Resh, the mother of a teenage daughter and a certified nurse-midwife specializing in the treatment of teenage girls, explores the mysterious world of female, adolescent sexuality and how parents—especially mothers—can help their daughters through this tumultuous time.Secrets divulged by teenage girls during consultation have made Resh realize that, with rare exception, most adolescents are left to develop a sexual identity without any adult guidance and often without the most basic knowledge of what is happening to them physically and emotionally. She also realized that many girls are frequently subject to criticism and shaming about their normal, adolescent behavior. Resh believes these issues are what underlie many of the problems teens face during this crucial step into becoming a fully developed adult woman capable of making good, sound, safe, and independent decisions throughout life. Through compelling, frank, and sometimes humorous stories from both Resh and her patients, The Secret Lives of Teenage Girls explains to parents just want is going on with their teenage daughters during this essential phase of their development. She discusses many of the complicated problems she’s seen in practice, including not just sexual activity but also eating disorders, substance abuse, mental illness, unplanned pregnancies, violence, and STDs. She also looks at less serious but still troubling issues like under-achievement, battles with parents, and lack of emotional and social support. In this insightful book, Resh provides parents with the tools to help their teen daughters negotiate the waters of their sexual development and emerge with their strength, their sexuality, and their self image intact.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Womens, Health

250 pages, Paperback

First published August 15, 2009

Reviews

[Louise Richard · Rating 4 out of 5]

I mean who can resist that title huh? Turns out it was a pretty good book: gives insight into the hormonal roller-coaster ride that is female adolescence, and a perspective on emerging teenage sexuality that is far-sighted and liberal. She advocates sex education, and lots of it, rather than just trying to shut down or switch off the emerging sexuality of our teenagers because it's risky or dangerous. Yes, she proves with her statistics that it is risky and dangerous for teenagers to engage in sexual activity, but she also presents the view that teenagers are hot-wired to explore their sexuality and because it is hormonally-driven it's hard to stop. Let's face it: sexuality is one of the major developments that separates young adults from children. It's inevitable it will start to develop and it's natural that it does so. This book argues that what the young teenage girl needs is education and information and a lot of it, rather than the old-world approach of locking-her-up in Rapunzel's tower (which let's face it, the prince and Rapunzel manage to find a way out of anyway!). What I really liked was her emphasis on the idea that a healthy attitude to sexuality in young women may very well start with how a mother addresses the emerging sexuality of her teenage daughter/s. It's an important subject, and one that deserves a lot of thought, discussion, and careful consideration.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots of great information from a smart mother!

[Christopher · Rating 4 out of 5]

My wife gave me this to read as I was stuck in the driveway with a sleeping child in the car. Yes, my daughter is all of 4 and a half and we are already reading up on teenagers....she's 4 going on 13.

I was deeply impressed with this book. I'm not the target audience (being a Dad not a Mom), but I felt that it did help me challenge some of my (irrational) assumptions about teenagerhood that I've picked up from culture or had left-over from my own scarring ride through Hell.

The best part by far is the "discussion questions" at the end of each chapter. I immediately wanted to discuss them with my wife to get our common front settled. Favorite question: "What is your best case scenario for your daughter's sexual life in her teenage years?" (or something like that). The flippant answer is of course "None" -- that's what TV teaches doofus dads to say. The next flippant answer is "I hope no other woman is ever able to live up to her in the eyes of any of her exes." and much closer to what I truly want for my daughter. But I'll settle for her enjoying her life, herself, her body, and not getting hurt -- physically or emotionally.

Yeah, dream on.

[Santica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Evelyn Resh offers advice on how to maintain a balanced and close relationship with a teen daughter as well as how not to freak out about their expanding sexuality. Evelyn is an experienced mid-wife and gyn practitioner and has seen her share of girls in trouble because they don't know enough about their bodies or how to handle their hormone crazed feelings. Some of her ideas seem too liberal, i.e., letting your teen daughter's boyfriend spend the night? However, she offers a lot of insightful information to avoid conflict with one's daughter(s) and how to guide them into adulthood as sexually happy, healthy, independent women.

[Sally Brooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

GREAT book!! Initially, I thought it was only for moms of teen girls but it is a great book for all women. Love the way the book shifts between practical information and antidotes from actual women from Resh's practice.

I have met Evelyn Resh and heard her speak. She is extremely compassionate and sensitive. That, combined with a wonderful sense of humor, comes through in this book. I highly recommend it.

[Anat Lieberman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read for every parent who is raising a pre-teen or teen girl!

[Delores · Rating 3 out of 5]

As another reviewer commented, this book was informative but some of the author's opinions are very liberal.

[Lori · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely worth reading! Frank and relevant for today's parents. I think this book would be helpful to mothers of boys as well. Sexuality doesnt happen in a vacuum.