In the Ether: A Memoir of Holding Space

by Colleen Hildebrand

Abby loved Ryan, but her relationship with him couldn’t withstand a felony conviction for assault with a deadly weapon and a five-year sentence. Mine could. In the Ether is a reflection on a single episode of my life—a sieve through which I have understood everything that came before more completely and, most likely, will filter all that happens next. It tells the story of raising a daughter who chose to live in opposition to nearly every value I hold and who, at seventeen, fell in love with a twenty-two-year-old Marine who had cause enough to resent life—yet loved it more fully than anyone else I’ve ever known. Ryan was a miracle.

Genres: Memoir

264 pages, Paperback

Published August 21, 2022

Reviews

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is taking my breath away. I am currently reading but already it’s 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

More review to come…

In the Ether took my breath away with it’s raw, poignant, vulnerable, truthful words about love, connection, empathy, grief, relationships, and the willingness to grow from within to be better for all those whose lives you touch.

This memoir is full of honest hard truths and ugly truths about parenting flawed humans and being a flawed human yourself and loving and being loved despite it all.

It is full of deeply insightful revelations written through humbleness, humility, and humor.

Through Colleen’s writing I found myself so deeply connected to her own thoughts, feelings, and musings, and felt the depth of love and care for her daughter, Abby, and Ryan.

I felt as though she was sharing a piece of her heart and I am so grateful for her courage and vulnerability to share this story with strangers which allowed me to be able to read this book.

It was an honor to read In the Ether, like reading a piece written inside someone’s very soul.

[Lauren Wicker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely beautiful in all the rawest ways. The reflections, doubts, search for meaning… I laughed and cried and found and lost myself in this story. Mrs. Hildebrand (my high school English teacher) truly has a gift.

[Itsbarbiesbooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t want to spoil or give an indication of what exactly happens in this story, so I will leave a little bit of my thoughts and feelings… I believe in synchronicities and messages that life sends us and this story has beautiful ones; ones that touched my heart, made me cry, and gave me hope. This book is beautifully written and as someone who believes in the importance and power of family unity, this book is in my heart for being so amazing!

Thank you to author Colleen Hildebrand for sharing such a heartfelt story and for teaching me how a mothers love goes far beyond we can imagine. I admired the love that Hildebrand expreses. Her love for herself and her personal transformation throughout the story of being a good human being is inspiring, her love for her husband Scott, and daughters Jenna, Abby, and for Ryan I felt tremendously.

I feel that I personally know everyone in this story. Hildebrand wrote about her daughter Abby and her relationship with Ryan, a marine who stole not only the heart of her daughter Abby, but who she grew to love as she would a son. I dove right into the life of a sweet, loving, and caring mother who learns to face the obstacles that her daughter Abby went through with Ryan.

It all went from a fun and exciting love story to a disappointing mistake that leads Abby and Ryan to figure out if they truly belong together, all while (mom) Hildebrand supported and loved them both. I cannot describe the sadness I felt and the high hopes I had, which made me understand how Hildebrand felt, but I loved that this book gave me all those real human being emotions.

My favorite part of this book is that it taught me and I know this, how important being a good mother is. This book definitely won that award for me. I was blown away by how beautiful Hildebrand is as a mother figure and how blessed Abby and Ryan were to have her.

If you want to read a heart touching love story with ups and downs I highly recommend this one!

[Amber Sheppard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this in one sitting. I could not stop reading. It’s beautifully written with such emotion. It deserves to be a movie but I’m not sure it could be done any better than what Colleen has wrote. Ryan and Abby’s words and poems really struck me too. I’ve been an Abby, a Ryan, and Colleen at different points in my life.. this book helped me heal too.

[Thomas Braun · Rating 5 out of 5]

100% recommendation to read this book! An amazing true story. Self-knowledge, empathy, sensitivity, understanding, wonderful insights into the thoughts and motivations of people, profound and humorous, surprising and exciting, a wonderful book that invites self-reflection and reflection on the coincidences and plans of life.

[Cara Stevens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emotional rollercoaster. Beautiful and heartbreaking - truly an example of holding space, keeping your heart and mind open no matter where it takes you.

[Ivy b · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn’t really know what to expect with this book, for multiple reasons. One being I’ve never read a memoir before, so knowing this is truly people’s lives we’re talking about. And secondly, knowing the outcome will result in Ryan’s death.

But can I say, that this was so beautifully written. A mothers perspective on her daughters life, decisions, and adventures. Even though at times their relationship being “strained”, I loved Abby’s and Colleen’s relationship. Colleen let her daughter live her life, gave insight on when she felt it was necessary, but truly let her be her own individual.

And I love the relationship that bloomed between Ryan and Colleen. With Ryan having faced quiet a few obstacles in life, and not having family members that were close enough to talk/confide in, his relationship with his girlfriends mom blossomed, even when Ryan and Abby were no longer together.

What can I say? I was touched and moved by this book in so many different ways.

[Jackie Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I rarely review books, and it takes a lot for me to rate a book 5 stars, however this books truly deserves 5 stars along with a written review. “In the Ether” is a captivating depiction of a love story through the eyes of a mother about her daughter and her then-boyfriend, Ryan. It’s also an incredibly honest depiction of the complexities of parenting and illustrates the dynamic relationship between the author and one of her daughters. This memoir also highlights the importance of holding space for others without judgment, while also acknowledging the human tendency to judge another by their past. This book has multiple layers and is written with honesty and vulnerability.

I couldn’t put this book down, which is something I don’t say often as a busy mother of a young daughter. I saved so many quotes - from both the author and Ryan, who proves to be an incredibly insightful young man. I can already tell that this book will serve me differently as I navigate different phases of life and parenting. I will be recommending this book to everyone in my life!

[Mandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have just finished reading, in a mess of tears and snot and a mixture of my own memories and losses entangled in this story. I am incredibly grateful for this book. I have so much to say but need more time for the thoughts and words to form into something coherent. For now I will just leave it at breathtaking.

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is 100% out of my normal reading material. I usually read as a method to wind down at night. I like light, funny, happily ever afters—something quite opposite of the messiness of real life.
This book is honest, covering topics that many won’t discuss openly. It sucked me in immediately, rooting for the best possible outcome for all of the main players. It shares insight from a parent--tough decisions that go against social norms. This book is an excellent read. It forced me to think about situations from more viewpoints than just one narrow one, my own.

[Kristen Burnett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was very moved by this book. I read it cover to cover over the course of several days. That is saying something for me as I have not been able to bring myself to finish a book in the past few years going through nursing school and working as a new nurse in the midst of a pandemic. This memoir is a touching story and a real modern day romance. I could not stop turning the pages on the book (or crying while reading it lol) and thought it was well written. Colleen, the author, her daughter Abby and Ryan, who the memoir is written about, are gifted souls. This story is amazing.

[Hannah Linkowsky · Rating 3 out of 5]

so much incredible life/love/parenting advice in here, it’s more than just a memoir

[Joy E. Rancatore · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a hard book. But life is often hard lived and hard lost.

I was reminded of how, many times, connections with other people surprise us. We never know the role a person will play in our story when we first meet them. Sometimes we don't realize their part until long down the road; other times we may never fully understand it. Every person we meet, though, has a role—small or large, all are part of who we become through our lifetime.

The author writes with candor, truth and emotion and tells the story of such an unexpected connection with grace, humility and love.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was an accidental Instagram find for me, from a reel by Dr. Amy Robins. I did some clicking around and found myself enthralled by Hildebrand’s writing, perspectives on grief, nature, and her art. Then headed to Amazon and ordered the book but started reading the kindle preview. Got the kindle, finished it in two days. The book won’t even get here for another two days, but the cover alone is worth it. This story moved me, maybe even more because the story after the story is even more unbelievable from what I can tell.

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not finished yet, but more than halfway through, I'm kind of surprised by my reactions. I ordered the book because I saw a review on Instagram, and I didn't expect much from a first time author writing about her adventures in parenting, but I was curious and I liked the cover (just as pretty in person, btw). Now, I find myself thinking about so much that Hildebrand says, falling in love with Ryan, and rooting for Abby. It almost reads like fiction, in fact, it would make a good movie.

[Miranda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful writing, it took me a while to finish as it felt a bit heavy at times but I think every parent should read this.
So many emotions right now 😌

[Abby Lallande · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot recommend this book enough. It’s a depiction of real humanity and beyond told with a lens of openness and love. Hildebrand sits with her daughter - a kind and wild lover of feral things - as she navigates her relationship with a boy who has every reason to give up on life, but never does.

I view this book as a manual on unconditional love - seeing, knowing, and calling others to their true selves, as all real love facilitates. Hildebrand sees the beautiful, messy human beings in her life and through generous and genuine curiosity, she creates order and meaning in what could have been senseless tragedy.

[Donna Maeder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish this book was around when I was raising a teen daughter. Raising kids is not an easy job, and teenaged girls harder still. The author writes of her own experiences navigating through her daughter's love life with a Marine and all of the drama associated with his military, legal, family, and drug abuse issues, before finally finding his balance. She ends up loving him as a son even as her daughter separates from him. As she reflects upon her own life and recognizes how events in her past are all connected, she begins to gain more confidence and hope. It is an emotional story of perseverance and love, one that I'm thankful to have read. This was a selection of the Slidell Book Lovers Club in March 2025.