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Visiting Her in Queens Is More Enlightening than a Month in a Monastery in Tibet
2022 Rattle Chapbook Prize Winner
Visiting Her in Queens Is More Enlightening than a Month in a Monastery in Tibet is a kind of family photo album for the final years of a life. As dementia progresses in Michael’s mother, each poem is at once a snapshot, a foreshadowing and a memory. And like memories, each is revealing, accurate, and blurry.
Visiting Her in Queens Is More Enlightening than a Month in a Monastery in Tibet is a kind of family photo album for the final years of a life. As dementia progresses in Michael’s mother, each poem is at once a snapshot, a foreshadowing and a memory. And like memories, each is revealing, accurate, and blurry.
- GenresPoetry
40 pages, Paperback
Published August 1, 2022
27 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews
September 21, 2022
Tender, heartbreaking. These poems illustrate the emotions of an adult son observing the decline of his parents as they gradually age, with a particular focus on his mother’s journey with Alzheimer’s. Needless to say, this chapbook spoke volumes and it is no surprise it received the Rattle Chapbook Prize for 2022.
September 9, 2022
Having watched close friends travel the road of their parent’s Alzheimer’s, I was a little hesitant to pick up this book. Don’t be. The poems are amazing, each one clean and clear and brilliant, with love and humor and resignation in just the right measure. I marked too many of them to quote favorites here. This is a remarkable collection. I’ve read it twice in one sitting. You might too.
September 29, 2022
These poems are gloriously specific, while at the same time, they’re about our grandparents, and our parents, and us. Funny, tragic, heartwarming, heartbreaking, Michael Mark creates worlds where we discover more deeply what it is to be human. Even if you think you don’t like poetry, you’ll love this book.
September 3, 2022
Beautiful and heartbreaking.
October 2, 2022
Visiting Her in Queens Is More Enlightening than a Month in a Monastery in Tibet
by Michael Mark
A review by Rose Mary Boehm
A bitter-sweet account of the poet’s mother’s slow glide into Alzheimer’s. He remembers her with gratitude and admiration. How she outraced and loved them (from the first poem, ‘Estelle’):
“Mom raced in unchartable loops
“past me and my brother like we weren’t hers.
Same way she didn’t see my report card Fs as Fs.
“She’d take the matching color pen and glide
the ballpoint so it looked like the B was always there.”
His father becomes his mother’s loving guardian (from ‘The Year We’re Living In’):
“I sit with her while he sleeps
in his glasses, exhausted from the allnight
watch. She’s a wanderer.”
There is pain and humour, love and despair (from ‘My Mother’s Disease Prays
to the Same God as My Mother’):
“She calls him God, maybe because he’s always
telling her what to do.
“He reminds her to unplug the can opener before
she washes it, the toaster oven, too, and the Mr. Coffee
that’s been warming two cups of decaf
since midnight…”
“And of course he knows, because you don’t
have to be God to know, she’ll put her head
right back in the oven—her whole body could fit now,
she’s that tiny.”
Her husband takes her to Atlantic City in an optimistic moment. The poet, in ‘What Are the Odds’, wonders whether she’ll ask ‘where are we going’ before they drive the first mile, and worries about her ‘trying to take home the hotel ice bucket’.
The poem ‘Portrait in Alzheimer’s Disease’ is heart-breaking:
“It’s like she left and came back with a new haircut
left and came back with a scar
left and came back with different eyes, not
the eyes everyone said we shared
but the scar was gone
and she spoke a strange language and
left and came back without a son and
left and came back and never came back “
I’d like to quote them all, but that, of course, is not in the workbook of a review. It’s just that every poem holds you and makes you hurt, smile, and cry.
You, reader, have to read it for yourself. I leave you with a few lines from the poem that gives the collection it’s title: ‘Visiting Her in Queens Is More Enlightening than a Month in a Monastery in Tibet’:
“My shrunken guru says she was up all night
preparing a salad for my breakfast.
She serves me an onion.
“I want her to make French toast
for me like she used to.
I want to tell her about my pain,
and I want her to make it go away.
I want the present to be as good as
the past she does not remember.
“I toast white bread for her, butter it,
cut it in half. I eat a piece of onion.
She asks me why I’m crying.”
This is a book for all of us, because we won’t know until it happens.
by Michael Mark
A review by Rose Mary Boehm
A bitter-sweet account of the poet’s mother’s slow glide into Alzheimer’s. He remembers her with gratitude and admiration. How she outraced and loved them (from the first poem, ‘Estelle’):
“Mom raced in unchartable loops
“past me and my brother like we weren’t hers.
Same way she didn’t see my report card Fs as Fs.
“She’d take the matching color pen and glide
the ballpoint so it looked like the B was always there.”
His father becomes his mother’s loving guardian (from ‘The Year We’re Living In’):
“I sit with her while he sleeps
in his glasses, exhausted from the allnight
watch. She’s a wanderer.”
There is pain and humour, love and despair (from ‘My Mother’s Disease Prays
to the Same God as My Mother’):
“She calls him God, maybe because he’s always
telling her what to do.
“He reminds her to unplug the can opener before
she washes it, the toaster oven, too, and the Mr. Coffee
that’s been warming two cups of decaf
since midnight…”
“And of course he knows, because you don’t
have to be God to know, she’ll put her head
right back in the oven—her whole body could fit now,
she’s that tiny.”
Her husband takes her to Atlantic City in an optimistic moment. The poet, in ‘What Are the Odds’, wonders whether she’ll ask ‘where are we going’ before they drive the first mile, and worries about her ‘trying to take home the hotel ice bucket’.
The poem ‘Portrait in Alzheimer’s Disease’ is heart-breaking:
“It’s like she left and came back with a new haircut
left and came back with a scar
left and came back with different eyes, not
the eyes everyone said we shared
but the scar was gone
and she spoke a strange language and
left and came back without a son and
left and came back and never came back “
I’d like to quote them all, but that, of course, is not in the workbook of a review. It’s just that every poem holds you and makes you hurt, smile, and cry.
You, reader, have to read it for yourself. I leave you with a few lines from the poem that gives the collection it’s title: ‘Visiting Her in Queens Is More Enlightening than a Month in a Monastery in Tibet’:
“My shrunken guru says she was up all night
preparing a salad for my breakfast.
She serves me an onion.
“I want her to make French toast
for me like she used to.
I want to tell her about my pain,
and I want her to make it go away.
I want the present to be as good as
the past she does not remember.
“I toast white bread for her, butter it,
cut it in half. I eat a piece of onion.
She asks me why I’m crying.”
This is a book for all of us, because we won’t know until it happens.
September 28, 2022
Devastatingly beautiful, and at times, made me both laugh and cry. My favorite poem from the collection is "Losing My Parents in a Small CVS Drug Store," along with the line, "dietetic peanut butter clusters," which reminded me of my own father's habits in drug stores and superstores. Hats off to poet Michael Mark and his eye for life.
September 19, 2022
A beautiful story told in poems. My heart breaks at the subject, but the poet's language renders the sadness into beauty. This is just a gorgeous volume. A well-deserved win, and I look forward to reading more from this poet.
September 19, 2022
Gorgeous, heartbreaking, funny, intense, deeply relatable.
September 28, 2022
Michael Mark’s new collection of poems shines with exquisite elegance, unusually precise yet gorgeous language and textures, and deep meaning. The collection bravely explores the relationship of mother failing with memory loss, father trying to help his wife and hold up the household, and adult son lending heart and hand in support. Moving. Touching. Funny. Serious. Above all gifted powerful wonderful poetry. A true delight to read again and again. I look forward to Mark’s next book of poems.
October 1, 2022
It's a short but very moving chapbook published by Rattle. Some of the poems brought me to tears so keep the tissues handy. It's gentle and loving and beautifully written.
September 29, 2022
This is a magnificent collection of accessible and touching poems. The poet deftly moves among all of the conflicting emotions one has with aging parents. It's not all pretty but it is beautiful. This is like a memoir and novel all wrapped up in 24 poems.
Read
September 29, 2022This collection surprised me by moving me to tears. The subject, the writing, the compassion and the pure poetry. I was stunned. And I finished reading, called my elderly mother and I told her I loved her. Thank you.
September 28, 2022
My favorite poet 🙏
September 30, 2022
As someone currently dealing with a parent with dementia, I'm in awe of how Michael was able to share his mother's journey with such love and acceptance. Each poem in this wonderful little book is heartwarming, while at the same time heartbreaking. Highly recommended!
September 29, 2022
This book is a roadmap for appreciating and honoring parents who have lost filters but not love. Read it. Buy it for your friends. Nobody writes this genre better than Michael Mark.
September 2, 2022
As always, I’m amazed at the consistent 5-star quality of the Rattle Chapbook Prize winners, paired with a wide variety of subjects and writing styles. Michael Mark’s chapbook amazed me all the more because it’s about the author’s parents in a senior care facility where mom is slipping into dementia. Many of us have seen friends or family meet this sad fate. It’s difficult to talk about it and achieve this balance of love, tenderness, humor, worry, and grief. These poems are warm and endearing without being maudlin. Only once did he make me cry, and I’m a crier.
The most amusing poem is “Losing My Parents in a Small CVS Drug Store.” We see that the couple, married for 65 years, despite her dwindling abilities and confusion, still have a great time just being together. Various shoppers suggest they may be comparing prices on toilet paper, buying adult diapers, admiring the hand soap in the employee only restroom, etc., etc. When they finally make it to checkout,
"'Did you find everything?' the cashier asks. ‘Did we?’ my father asks my mother.
My mother asks back, ‘Did we?’”
I think they did.
The most amusing poem is “Losing My Parents in a Small CVS Drug Store.” We see that the couple, married for 65 years, despite her dwindling abilities and confusion, still have a great time just being together. Various shoppers suggest they may be comparing prices on toilet paper, buying adult diapers, admiring the hand soap in the employee only restroom, etc., etc. When they finally make it to checkout,
"'Did you find everything?' the cashier asks. ‘Did we?’ my father asks my mother.
My mother asks back, ‘Did we?’”
I think they did.
June 1, 2023
Pardon me but
HOLY SHIT.
HEARTBREAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL.
Pure poetry in all the senses of “poetry”.
Impossible to read it unscathed.
HOLY SHIT.
HEARTBREAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL.
Pure poetry in all the senses of “poetry”.
Impossible to read it unscathed.
October 10, 2022
I enter a lot of poetry chapbook contests. (A chapbook is a small collection of poems, short stories, or essays, generally less than 40 pages.) I entered three chapbooks into the Rattle Chapbook Prize contest last year. I didn’t win.
This is one of the winning chapbooks. I almost don’t mind not winning, because this chapbook is really good. (If I had to lose, it’s an honor to lose to this one.) The poems center around the end of the poet’s mother’s life, including memories of the mother (Estelle) when she was younger, how she and her husband related to each other as they aged, and observing the strain of caregiving on his father.
As anyone knows who has witnessed the progression of Alzheimer’s, it is a cruel disease that robs the victim of her personality piece by piece, leaving a stranger in her place. The beauty of the poems in Visiting Her in Queens is that they convey with love the challenges of watching a loved one fade away. The poems capture the bitter-sweetness, the affection among the tears.
In the center of the book is a photograph—I’m not sure if it’s one picture cut in half, or two separate pictures that line up really well—of a couple whom I assume are the poet’s parents in middle age. The mother is doubled over with laughter; the father smiles at her. Their fondness for one another is palpable; they were married just short of 65 years.
My favorite poem in the book is “Losing My Parents in a Small CVS Drug Store” which describes his search with hilarity. One employee saw them reading greeting cards to one another. A customer saw them over by the adult diapers. A stock boy caught them in employees’ rest room, where they were admiring the hand soap pump. The surveillance camera caught them eating in the candy aisle. Finally the manager makes an announcement over the public address system: “Attention Michael’s parents—please report to checkout immediately without rushing too much. Your son trusts you and wants you to have your independence but he doesn’t want you to miss Jeopardy.”
Of course, not all the poems are funny. But they are touching. And they are varied. Some of the titles are “The Wish,” “Watching the Golden Gate Bridge Disappear,” “What My Father Heard the Rabbi Say at My Mother’s Funeral,” “Dancing with My Father at My Son’s Wedding,” and “Celebrating His 92nd Birthday the Year His Wife Dies.”
This book will be especially meaningful to senior citizens and to anyone who has been a caretaker. The Rattle Foundation sends out a different chapbook with each quarterly issue of their poetry journal. Copies of this book are also available on their website. It’s only $6.
This is one of the winning chapbooks. I almost don’t mind not winning, because this chapbook is really good. (If I had to lose, it’s an honor to lose to this one.) The poems center around the end of the poet’s mother’s life, including memories of the mother (Estelle) when she was younger, how she and her husband related to each other as they aged, and observing the strain of caregiving on his father.
As anyone knows who has witnessed the progression of Alzheimer’s, it is a cruel disease that robs the victim of her personality piece by piece, leaving a stranger in her place. The beauty of the poems in Visiting Her in Queens is that they convey with love the challenges of watching a loved one fade away. The poems capture the bitter-sweetness, the affection among the tears.
In the center of the book is a photograph—I’m not sure if it’s one picture cut in half, or two separate pictures that line up really well—of a couple whom I assume are the poet’s parents in middle age. The mother is doubled over with laughter; the father smiles at her. Their fondness for one another is palpable; they were married just short of 65 years.
My favorite poem in the book is “Losing My Parents in a Small CVS Drug Store” which describes his search with hilarity. One employee saw them reading greeting cards to one another. A customer saw them over by the adult diapers. A stock boy caught them in employees’ rest room, where they were admiring the hand soap pump. The surveillance camera caught them eating in the candy aisle. Finally the manager makes an announcement over the public address system: “Attention Michael’s parents—please report to checkout immediately without rushing too much. Your son trusts you and wants you to have your independence but he doesn’t want you to miss Jeopardy.”
Of course, not all the poems are funny. But they are touching. And they are varied. Some of the titles are “The Wish,” “Watching the Golden Gate Bridge Disappear,” “What My Father Heard the Rabbi Say at My Mother’s Funeral,” “Dancing with My Father at My Son’s Wedding,” and “Celebrating His 92nd Birthday the Year His Wife Dies.”
This book will be especially meaningful to senior citizens and to anyone who has been a caretaker. The Rattle Foundation sends out a different chapbook with each quarterly issue of their poetry journal. Copies of this book are also available on their website. It’s only $6.
October 1, 2022
Moving and beautiful, a super well written collection about a family dealing with mom's aging and dementia that the poet (en)lightens with a touch whimsy, affectionate humor insight and a sprinkle of zen. The front and back cover, the two photos in the center of mom and dad facing each other lit up with laughter adds to the intimacy of poems that all stand on their own-a handful of masterpieces-while gaining gravity organized together
December 7, 2023
This book is a must read, for poets but also for any adult child experiencing the heartbreaking mental decline of a parent and certainly, any complicated parent-child relationship. Michael Mark’s poetry is exquisite. A poet so masterful in the use of image and line, metaphor, and the economy of language. I first discovered the title poem in this collection in The Sun many years ago and have followed his work ever since. This will be a collection that I return to and re-read many times.
September 29, 2022
Michael Mark’s brilliantly crafted poems bring a new gut wrenching light to a son’s grieving, even before the doctor utters the word: “Alzheimer’s.” Through beautiful imagery, subtle humor, and laser-perfect description, Michael Mark‘s poems should be shared as inspiration and solace for anyone who loves a human with this disease. A gorgeous piece of art…
D. Allbritain
D. Allbritain
September 30, 2022
What a beautiful journey from the frozen lake, to Michael's parents' kitchen, to the backseat of the car, to the graveyard, to Ben's Deli, to her bedside, to the casino, to back yard chasing windswept stickies.... Every word simply and elegantly took me to the moment. I know I will read this collection again and again and again.
October 10, 2022
Michael Mark writes about his elderly parents and his mother’s deterioration from Alzheimer’s disease with poignancy, humor, and a storyteller’s sense for place, character, detail, and pacing. As a reader, I want to come back to these poems for their truth-telling and engaging manner. As a beginning poet, I admire the craftsmanship involved in creating poems that seem so effortless.
October 13, 2022
Brilliant, beautifully-crafted, moving collection of poems about a family coping with a mother's struggle with Alzheimer's. Michael Mark writes about these experiences with insight and humor. His poems are clear, authentic, and surprising, providing a window into human nature through realism and a touch of magical realism. I highly recommend this wonderful collection to any reader.
October 24, 2022
Beautiful, elegant poetry about a son's love for his mother whose illness demands a revised description of their always close relationship. Michael Mark writes sparingly, hauntingly, with each piece accurately relating the agony one faces while watching a parent fade away. Childhood memories clash with present day realities as the new normal is reluctantly accepted. Perhaps most poignant is Mark's father's foray into dating after grief has subsided. I felt like this family was my family, the experiences mirrored my own; the emotions consistently rang true. This collection made my heart lurch with recognition and love. Bravo, Michael Mark!
September 29, 2022
Beautiful, raw, funny, and heartbreaking--this collection of poems gives a tender and honest glimpse into the realities of Alzheimer's and being a caretaker to your own parents. Buy it, read it, tell your friends about it!
October 2, 2022
The poems in this chapbook resonate like complex musical chords — so many different notes, so much coloration, such depth and vibration. The subject is difficult (the effects of aging and Alzheimer’s), the approach is direct: simple observations, like entries in a log book, meld sorrow, humor, fear and courage into heartfelt beauty. The result is unforgettable.
October 13, 2022
Marvelous! Each poem a shimmering pearl precisely strung so that the last completes the necklace. It feels then like a hovering benediction.
October 24, 2022
Poignant and well written. Such a wonderful collection of a son's observations of his declining mother, her passing and the aftermath for his father.
October 19, 2022
What a joy to find this book in my mailbox. It's one of the few ever whose title tells you exactly what the content is: you visit your mom, she can't remember anything about your life, so you tell her again and again, and the next thing you know, you have your life with her back again, only this time soaked in the love and wisdom you can only get from a parent who's old and frail. Oh, and there are photos, too.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews