Lies Our Mothers Told Us

by Nilanjana Bhowmick

Savitribai Phule, Mahasweta Devi, Amrita Pritam, Medha Patkar, Kamla Bhasin, and countless others have, since the nineteenth century, fought for and won equal rights for Indian women in a variety of areas-universal suffrage, inheritance and property rights, equal remuneration, prevention of sexual harassment at the workplace, and others. Pioneering feminists believed that due to these hard-won rights, their daughters and granddaughters would have the opportunity to have rewarding careers, participate in the social and political growth of the country, gain economic independence, and become equal partners in their marriages. On paper, it would appear that the lot of Indian women in the twenty-first century has vastly improved but, in reality, the demands of capitalism and the persistence of patriarchal attitudes have meant that they continue to lead lives that are hard and unequal, especially when compared to their male counterparts. Indian women are among the most overworked in the world-they spend on average 299 minutes on housework and 134 minutes on caregiving per day, shouldering 82 per cent of domestic duties. They are burdened with work from such a young age that many are forced to drop out of schools, leave the labour force, and give up dreams of financial independence. For those who have the privilege of choosing to have a career, the only way they can make this viable is by doing the 'double shift': women are expected to do most of the housework, childcare, and caregiving, whether they have jobs or not. While these problems apply to all women across the country, those in India's middle class face an altogether unique challenge because middle-class families have mastered the art of simulating an environment of empowerment in their homes. Lies Our Mothers Told The Indian Woman's Burden takes a close look at the gender inequality that forms the bedrock of India's middle class-this forces women try and be 'superwomen' while ignoring the deleterious effects on their mental and physical health. Using available data and anecdotal evidence from the real lives of Indian women across the country, journalist Nilanjana Bhowmick asks if, in our patriarchal society, the assertion that 'women can have it all' comes at too high a price.

Genres: Feminism, Nonfiction

272 pages, Hardcover

Published May 7, 2022

Reviews

[Iram Fatma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read. Every woman can relate the inequality we see in our society, family and work place. Patriarchy is evil and destroys the innocent souls .

[Shubhra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone read this book!
I was excited enough to take a pencil and start underlining – something I have never done before in a book. And while the book didn’t always retain that punch, I would highly, highly recommend it. A feminist work, simple and set entirely in an Indian context, well written and readable – all of which are crucial, essential factors in making it accessible and important. There is lots which is left out of course - crucially a recognition of the privilege which upper class/ upper caste women enjoy.
It was clarifying – to know how fortunate I am, to know how so much of what overwhelms me has nothing to do with me – to work towards improving things a little bit more everyday – to be kinder and more aware and more supportive. To know crucially, what is important and what should change for women to take control over so much of what they are robbed off.
I didn’t connect with the title though - no lies were told to us by our mothers, who were as much victims of patriarchy as we continue to be today and they persevered in far more difficult circumstances.

[Parmita · Rating 5 out of 5]

An essential read for all! I applaud the author for bringing focus to the apathies faced by middle-class Indian women: a large segment of the Indian society that has been excluded from important discussions thus far. The author has masterfully interwoven facts and anecdotes with her narrative to highlight the gender disparity suffered by girls and women of India. The text is well written and researched. It not only pinpoints the issues faced by middle-class Indian women, but also states possible line of action that can be taken to improve our situation. This book doesn't mince words and yet leaves you on positive note. There's much hardship and it's a long road to women empowerment, but we can all strive to get there, someday. Or at least build a foundation upon which our future generation can build a more inclusive and balanced world.

[Indu · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has a very important place in calling out the reality faced by women within our families and society. Even when I disagreed with a few of it, there is no doubt that the points raised are overwhelmingly true for women in our country. Definitely a valuable read.

[Shweta Katoch · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read book for better & reformed choices in life. Each chapter powerfully unveils the deep-rooted discriminations, age-old practices, and prejudices against women. It portrays how a woman’s entire life is often lived for others, shaped by others, and rarely for herself .

[Supritha Maiya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book 1| 2023

An excellent read encompassing the abysmal gap between what we could accomplish as a society and what we truly are - all caught up in the tangles of yesteryear 'glory'.

[Deval Patel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone in this country should read this book.

[Eimear Delargy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A stark but very important read. Outlines gender inequality to specifically middle class women in India. Answered a lot of questions such as why women are hardly seen in public spaces to mental health issues due to lack of equality.