How Little We Knew

by Dee Ann Miller

Whistleblowers in the institutional church seldom find honor from the system. Neither did this author from the beginning. Both she and her husband were "rewarded" for speaking the truth about a sexual predator-colleague by disillusionment and career derailments in 1988 because they had refused to stop confronting the same monstrous organization that was protecting the perpetrator with hand-slapping gestures. To make matters worse, this all occurred in Africa--yes on the mission field with a young national and another teenager among the victims! When given a choice between keeping their careers or keeping their voices, the couple found the courage to choose the latter.

The most precious thing in her suitcase, going back to America, was a notebook that contained every conversation they'd had at every level of the organization they had served. Within a year, having learned that what they experienced was being echoed across the nation, Dee Ann Miller began writing the story. The rewards for daring to speak and work ecumenically toward responses that protect the vulnerable can't be measured in dollars and cents. She has stood alongside many, coaching and consoling both survivors, their families and professional advocates.

In 1993, when this book was first published, many people were seeking comfort after having met with stone-walling in every single faith group, not just the Catholic Church. Many have since found solace by reading this validating story, which clearly shows that it is not the messenger's fault when the system refuses to listen. It's all about power and institutional protection. The needs of the "little ones" so easily have gone unheeded. Thing have improved, but there's still much to be done.

Once readers discover the truth about collusion, information becomes power. This ground-breaking book has served to empower thousands as the difficult struggle continues to hold the Church or denominations or individual congregations accountable, using every means available to stand against horrific evil.

Genres: Nonfiction

222 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 1993

About the author

As a former mental health nurse, I've taken on very heavy topics for years--in both counseling and writing. Topics like sexual and domestic violence, addictive behaviors, and collusion with evil. When it comes to the last two, I'm particularly interested in how often the cause seems to be as related to adverse childhood experiences as the first two.

Please see takecourage.org for much more.

Seriously inspired to write for publication as a child, I sent my first article to Readers' Digest at age twelve. While it was rejected, I was SO proud of even getting a rejection letter back!

It's still reader mail that keeps me writing. Otherwise, it's too much work to write!! Connecting is my greatest thrill.

Eleven years later, I was published by Home Life Magazine, a brief article about the mesmerizing minutes after getting the news our first child was on the way.

Writing is something I do when I stumble across something I cannot ignore. Most of my work is intensely emotional, often more serious than many want to take on. Yet I'm fool enough to write it anyway because of the paradigm shift I hope to create. To assist, I've been known to sprinkle in generous helpings of sarcasm and humor.

When it comes to violence and oppression, I've got a unique corner. My focus has largely been about misguided bigotry, disguised as "faith," and how it re-injures all it touches.

Avoidance is not in the cards I've chosen to keep in my hand. Trump Cards are all about pro-activity. Our lives call for constant reformation. We can only accomplish this through cognitive restructuring, however, within ourselves and through the complex world we live in.

Reviews

[Shirley Fessel]

Dee was one of the first SBC missionaries to expose the troubling practice of protecting the denominational image by refusing to respect or acknowledge anyone who had been approached by a predatory personality in the ministry. She has continued her advocacy for victims since her experience in the 90s and unfortunately the denomination is still lagging behind others like Methodists who have tended to listen to victims. In her account, the reader sees the toll not only on the individual, but the spouse, the children, and the ministry that this collusion demands. The reader learns the losses of the victims and the freedom afforded the predator. Such violation rocks the foundation of a dedicated worker, sending them into a private personal agony of the emotional energy required to keep the enormous secret. A seemingly endless litany of excuses cloaked in faith slogans and platitudes serve to protect the organization and devastate anyone brave enough to report. While it is discouraging to know little progress has been made, it is remarkable to read the work of one of the faithful who continue to call the church into authenticity.

[Connie Anderson]

Pardon me. I wrote a lot on my Kindle and it froze up and I lost everything. This book is sort of a call to arms to get people thinking and openly talking about sexual abuse, molestation, and incest. Mr and Mrs Miller, in 1978, decided that they wanted to join other international ministries through their denomination. They chose to go to Novatia, Africa after hearing great things about that country. One of those things was "the dedication of the scores of missionaries who had worked there for a quarter of a century" (p. 27). All the missionaries around that area felt as if they were all brothers and sisters in the church.

One day, Dee went to see a missionary co-worker's visuals or her presentation. The husband was the only one home.She knew and trusted the couple for many years. Yet, intuition told her she should not be there. He then tried to sexualy assault her. She ran around the kitchen table and then seen a monster who molested others before; and that he may kill her to keep quiet. She finally made up her mind to find other victims so they could band together and have him removed from Africa. But, she knew that more needed to be done to get him the help he needs before he could molest one more woman or girl.

She wrote her story to alert us to the epidemic of pediphiles, rapists, incest and sexual predators. She tried nearly everything to get the local committee to listen to her. Friends she trusted no longer wanted to talk to her. The men were.blaming her for trying to cause trouble. She wrote letters to the home office, to the local leaders, and her husband even got involved in the whole mess. Men have their "good ole boys club" and they stick together. The wives dutifully keep their mouths shut, even when they know what happened and is continuing to happen in secret.

The purpose of her book was to tell victims that they are not alone; and they must speak up. Also a denomination is not alone when it comes to sexual victims and their perpetrators AND those problems MUST not be ignored or hidden. (Forward p. vi). Girls and women are afraid to tell anyone. First there is guilt, self-blame, denial, and fear of what others are going to think of them. Boys keep it all bottled up inside and keep telling themselves things such as "I am a rotten kid" constantly. Some of them grow up to do the same thing as their molesters.

It chronicles the lives and struggles the Millers have to face in attempting to bring up the "unmentionable" to try to get more victims to tell what happened to them so that the denomination's home office will punish or relieve the man. Little did they know what they were in for. Dee also wants all of us to take a stand and fight this "epidemic" of sexual violence against women and children. You don't have to protest and get on tv. All it takes is in this book. Why I like it is because something happened to me, also. No one wanted to believe me; and most said it was my fault. This silence cannot continue to go on... take baby steps until you are strong enough to do more. But, read this book so that you know you are not alone.

**I was given a copy of this book to read and give my honest review from GoodReads Giveaways, Dee Ann Miller, and Prescott Press.