Double Snaps

by James Percelay, Stephan Dweck, Monteria Ivey

Double Warning. Even more explicit snaps than in the first book. Definately not for the easily offended. Your mother is so hairy, you could sell her as a Chia Pet.
Your father is so stupid, he saw a sign that said wet floor , so he took a piss.
Your sister is so nasty, she has more clap than an auditorium.
Your mother is so fat, she can do the wave by herself.
Your mother is so fat, when she goes to the beach kids yell, "Free Willy! Free Willy!"
You're so ugly, your parents rent out your baby videos for horror films.
You're so White , you think Malcolm X's name is Malcolm the tenth.
Your mother's breath is so bad, she sucks on Odor-Eaters.

Genres: Humor

176 pages, Paperback

First published January 23, 1995

Reviews

[Sparrow .]

I love the adjective “double,“ most often seen in names of Chinese restaurants, such as “Double Dragon“ or “Double Luck No. 1.”

In my housing project, we called these ironic assaults “sound-downs.“ (This was Dyckman Houses, where Kareem Abdul Jabbar lived before that was his name.) Here’s the page I opened to:

Your nose is so big, when you breathe you inhale the curtains.

Your car is so small, the radio is in the backseat.

You mothers ears are so big, she can hear the clouds.

Your mother is so big, she was standing on the corner and the police said, “Hey, break it up!”

Notice how visual these stylized insults are — like degrading little videos. Are “snaps” the true American haiku?