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Nightingale
An accountant and an assassin set off on a homicidal mission to avenge the wrongs of the past…
Since the moment we met as children at Saint Bernadine’s School for Boys, Julien has held my heart hostage. Now, he’s a ruthless and cunning assassin, known to many only by his code name Nightingale, and I am again at his mercy when he forces me to accompany him on his next hit.
What starts out as a straightforward assignment turns into a winding trip down memory lane, where demons are made real and the monsters are men of flesh and bone. With every kill we grow closer, even while knowing my life and my heart are in danger. What other dark secrets is Julien keeping? Who is this twisted man he’s become?
Trained as an assassin in the art of murder and seduction, I was groomed from a young age to a life of blood, violence, and pain. The only comfort I’ve known is my best friend Kahlil. My lifeline in times of distress, Kahlil gave me something no one else ever has… hope.
But I’m a man on a mission, and if patience is a virtue, I’m its patron saint. I will not rest until all my enemies have been vanquished. One-by-one I will make them suffer, make them pay. Kahlil has my heart, but will his faith in me survive this mission, or will I lose him along the way?
VIRTUOUS SINNERS is a collection of gay romance stories that center on killers who are guided by a virtuous code. These dark novels are connected only by theme and can be read as standalones. The killer's virtue in NIGHTINGALE: patience.
Trigger warnings for on-page sexual assault against both adults and minors, child trafficking, and graphic depictions of violence, murder, and gore. The contents of this story can be considered deeply disturbing to some, so please consider your personal mental health before reading.
This story ends with an HEA.
Since the moment we met as children at Saint Bernadine’s School for Boys, Julien has held my heart hostage. Now, he’s a ruthless and cunning assassin, known to many only by his code name Nightingale, and I am again at his mercy when he forces me to accompany him on his next hit.
What starts out as a straightforward assignment turns into a winding trip down memory lane, where demons are made real and the monsters are men of flesh and bone. With every kill we grow closer, even while knowing my life and my heart are in danger. What other dark secrets is Julien keeping? Who is this twisted man he’s become?
Trained as an assassin in the art of murder and seduction, I was groomed from a young age to a life of blood, violence, and pain. The only comfort I’ve known is my best friend Kahlil. My lifeline in times of distress, Kahlil gave me something no one else ever has… hope.
But I’m a man on a mission, and if patience is a virtue, I’m its patron saint. I will not rest until all my enemies have been vanquished. One-by-one I will make them suffer, make them pay. Kahlil has my heart, but will his faith in me survive this mission, or will I lose him along the way?
VIRTUOUS SINNERS is a collection of gay romance stories that center on killers who are guided by a virtuous code. These dark novels are connected only by theme and can be read as standalones. The killer's virtue in NIGHTINGALE: patience.
Trigger warnings for on-page sexual assault against both adults and minors, child trafficking, and graphic depictions of violence, murder, and gore. The contents of this story can be considered deeply disturbing to some, so please consider your personal mental health before reading.
This story ends with an HEA.
302 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 15, 2022
55 people are currently reading
400 people want to read
About the author
Laura Lascarso
30 books501 followersMM+ AUTHOR | Romance so good it hurts
Laura Lascarso wants you to stay up way past your bedtime reading her stories. She aims to inspire more questions than answers in her fiction and believes in the power of storytelling to heal and transform a society.
When not writing, Laura can be found screaming “finish” on the soccer fields, rewatching Avatar: The Last Airbender, and trying to convince politicians to act on climate change. She lives in North Florida with her darling husband and two kids. She loves hearing from readers, and she’d be delighted to hear from you.
Join her Facebook group at www.facebook.com/groups/LaurasLounge
Sign up for her newsletter at www.lauralascarso.com
Laura Lascarso wants you to stay up way past your bedtime reading her stories. She aims to inspire more questions than answers in her fiction and believes in the power of storytelling to heal and transform a society.
When not writing, Laura can be found screaming “finish” on the soccer fields, rewatching Avatar: The Last Airbender, and trying to convince politicians to act on climate change. She lives in North Florida with her darling husband and two kids. She loves hearing from readers, and she’d be delighted to hear from you.
Join her Facebook group at www.facebook.com/groups/LaurasLounge
Sign up for her newsletter at www.lauralascarso.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 68 reviews
September 22, 2022
Please don't put me on a watch list for saying that I needed this book, because I really did need it. I've read a lot of sweet and fluffy romances lately, so I desperately wanted something I could sink my teeth into without worrying about getting a cavity. I can honestly say that if my head was in the clouds before, this story pulled me back down and smacked me hard against the concrete. This wasn't the darkness I was expecting. I saw the word assassin and thought - okay, people are going to die, possibly in horrific ways. But I was not prepared for Julien and Kahlil.
Sometimes in dark romances I get the feeling that there was a concerted effort made by the author to see just how far they could push the boundaries of what readers are willing to accept. It can feel intentional, possibly for shock value, and can turn into a total mindf*ck that leaves you wondering what the hell you just read and if we should be worried about the person who wrote it. I didn't feel that way about this book. The story was deeply disturbing, but in a plausible way that made it absolutely heartbreaking. This stuff happens to people. And then those people are released into the world, up to their eyeballs in trauma and with nothing to tether them to the ground. It makes me feel so sad and angry and sick and, worst of all, completely helpless, because how do you stop horrible things from happening when they happen in the shadows or in basements or behind the guise of faith? Monsters don't always look like monsters. The worst ones often don't.
This book wasn't all darkness and pain, though. Julien told some of the most ridiculous jokes ever and I loved him for it. His POV was my favorite because his thoughts and feelings were at odds with the way he presented himself. He kept people at arms length and came across as flippant most of the time, so knowing what was going on in his head helped me connect with the real him and I really liked and empathized with that person. And poor Kahlil. He did not want to love that boy. His sense of self preservation was at constant odds with both his body and his heart. In the beginning, I wanted Kahlil to push Julien away and withhold his feelings as means of punishment for all the times he'd been hurt by him. After getting to know Julien better, I changed my mind and wanted Kahlil to protect and treasure him the way no one else had.
I have only read one other book by this author, which I'm now seeing as a complete travesty. Not only was the writing gorgeous, but the storytelling was right up my alley. This was a heavy subject to tackle and she did it in a way that was both evocative and careful. I highly recommend this book, but do heed the trigger warnings. This book definitely won't be for everyone.
Sometimes in dark romances I get the feeling that there was a concerted effort made by the author to see just how far they could push the boundaries of what readers are willing to accept. It can feel intentional, possibly for shock value, and can turn into a total mindf*ck that leaves you wondering what the hell you just read and if we should be worried about the person who wrote it. I didn't feel that way about this book. The story was deeply disturbing, but in a plausible way that made it absolutely heartbreaking. This stuff happens to people. And then those people are released into the world, up to their eyeballs in trauma and with nothing to tether them to the ground. It makes me feel so sad and angry and sick and, worst of all, completely helpless, because how do you stop horrible things from happening when they happen in the shadows or in basements or behind the guise of faith? Monsters don't always look like monsters. The worst ones often don't.
This book wasn't all darkness and pain, though. Julien told some of the most ridiculous jokes ever and I loved him for it. His POV was my favorite because his thoughts and feelings were at odds with the way he presented himself. He kept people at arms length and came across as flippant most of the time, so knowing what was going on in his head helped me connect with the real him and I really liked and empathized with that person. And poor Kahlil. He did not want to love that boy. His sense of self preservation was at constant odds with both his body and his heart. In the beginning, I wanted Kahlil to push Julien away and withhold his feelings as means of punishment for all the times he'd been hurt by him. After getting to know Julien better, I changed my mind and wanted Kahlil to protect and treasure him the way no one else had.
I have only read one other book by this author, which I'm now seeing as a complete travesty. Not only was the writing gorgeous, but the storytelling was right up my alley. This was a heavy subject to tackle and she did it in a way that was both evocative and careful. I highly recommend this book, but do heed the trigger warnings. This book definitely won't be for everyone.
August 26, 2022
4.5 stars
"We have loved like brothers and fought with the venom of two vipers in a pit. I have loved Julien Benoit, hated him, envied him, craved him, but what I have always wished above all else was to feel nothing for him at all. To be rid of him entirely. By all counts, I have failed. And I couldn’t be happier."
THIS BOOK. This freaking book hurt my heart. It made me angry. It made me sad. BUT, it made me happy and hopeful too.
The two men in this book deserve this hard worn HEA. Julien is one powerful character and Kahlil is his perfect counterpart.
More:
1. Laura's prose is magic
2. LOVED these two men
3. the steam is ON FIRE.
4. I wanted more. Which is why I knocked off a half star. I wanted more of them after all was said and done. Them in peace and dating and normal.
Please mind the triggers because they aren't a joke with this one. I struggled with some.
However: What a great read ❤️❤️❤️❤️
"We have loved like brothers and fought with the venom of two vipers in a pit. I have loved Julien Benoit, hated him, envied him, craved him, but what I have always wished above all else was to feel nothing for him at all. To be rid of him entirely. By all counts, I have failed. And I couldn’t be happier."
THIS BOOK. This freaking book hurt my heart. It made me angry. It made me sad. BUT, it made me happy and hopeful too.
The two men in this book deserve this hard worn HEA. Julien is one powerful character and Kahlil is his perfect counterpart.
More:
1. Laura's prose is magic
2. LOVED these two men
3. the steam is ON FIRE.
4. I wanted more. Which is why I knocked off a half star. I wanted more of them after all was said and done. Them in peace and dating and normal.
Please mind the triggers because they aren't a joke with this one. I struggled with some.
However: What a great read ❤️❤️❤️❤️
dnf
September 24, 2022dnf @ 52%
AAAAHHH! I dnf-ed a Laura Lascarso book! Is the world ending, or what? 😱
I powered through the first half, but unfortunately, the romance’s just not strong enough to offset the emerging plotline of , which made me incandescent with rage and grossed me out in equal measure. The blasé way in which it’s discussed here made me want to scream. I just can’t bring myself to read about the MC in any kind of sexual situation after that.
AAAAHHH! I dnf-ed a Laura Lascarso book! Is the world ending, or what? 😱
I powered through the first half, but unfortunately, the romance’s just not strong enough to offset the emerging plotline of , which made me incandescent with rage and grossed me out in equal measure. The blasé way in which it’s discussed here made me want to scream. I just can’t bring myself to read about the MC in any kind of sexual situation after that.
September 16, 2022
DNF at 26%
This is my first book by this author. …yeah. Honestly one of the things that caught my attention was that it says its accountant x assassin - what is the assassin going to need an accountant for?? This is intriguing.
Lies. It is not intriguing because it doesn’t really matter than he’s an accountant. Rude.
Characters
This is dual first person POV, so we get to see inside of both characters heads and thought processes. And then judge them accordingly.
Khalil - what a dillweed. I actually strongly dislike him, and not in a fun way. He just sucks. He’s rude and judgmental of Julien, and somehow breathtakingly naive. How can he be so naive after working for the mob for x years? (timeline very unclear) I don’t even know how you can ostrich to that degree. Which is also why I really dislike him for how terrible he thinks of Julien, while noticing absolutely nothing and just nonstop judging him apparently the entire time they’ve known each other (based on the past info dump). How can I buy into a romance at all, even a past one, when all Khalil thinks about is how much he doesn’t actually like Julien??
He’s such a naive moralistic asshole, like how can you have such idiot babby opinions when you literally work for the mob!! I am pretty mad about this. Julien is doing literally all the work and this dipshit just bellyaching dragging his dumb feet being holier than thou about everything.
Julien - he’s just sort of there. He was mildly intriguing, all his maneuvering and planning and crime stuff, but its so unbalanced by Khalils bullshit I’m not interested in continuing.
Romance
I did not buy into this romance at all. It seems like it’s supposed to be a second chance type thing, based on the info dumping about their history together? Which had detail yet was intensely vague. Plus I guess they also still have hate sex? Or something? I don’t know. The writing style made it impossible for me to figure these things out.
Since I very much disliked Khalil, I wanted Julien to disappear and find someone who actually would like him and not relentlessly judge him for everything he ever does and stuff outside of his control.
The writing
I think it is clear that there is a severe mismatch in the way this is written and my personal taste, because I really hated how this was done. It’s about 80% purple, flowery, pointless prose that just drags on and on and on. It doesn’t serve to give any depth to the plot, the characters, or their (alleged) romance. It just makes me roll my eyes when they’re waxing poetic in a livejournal sort of way about appearances. This is amplified by the strange background religious imagery, I guess it’s just kind of there? Leads to some weird as hell highlights, I’ll tell you that.
It also hindered my ability to understand what was even happening, which is the worst crime for a book. The strange info dumping-past recollection stuff was confusing. It was too much information while somehow telling me very little. The timelines and even what the heck they’re doing at this point of the book occurring makes no sense to me. It’s distracting in its vagueness.
Sometimes, it seems like the effort to be poetic ends up with misused words, or even ones that are a terrible match for the scene - I have a highlight somewhere that has a flush being described as “spreading like a rash” or something, mid sex scene. Rashes and sex don’t go well together, as a mental image. Plus then they invoked super gonorrhea, so like…super sexy, thanks. Rashy infected sex.
Overall, this very much did not work for me, on pretty much every level. The accountant thing was disappointing, the mob thing was bland and disappointing, I hated Khalil and wanted Julien to find someone better, the writing was deeply unpleasant to read…….not a winner in this series.
Virtuous Sinners series
I Am God’s Dagger ⭐⭐⭐
Dark Valor ⭐⭐
Day of Judgement ⭐
Speak and Obey ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Moment of Truth (i cannot find this??)
Nightingale ⭐
Man of Carnage
Pure Silence
The Right Way to Wrong - n/a
Read more reviews on my blog:
https://horsetalkreviews.blogspot.com/
This is my first book by this author. …yeah. Honestly one of the things that caught my attention was that it says its accountant x assassin - what is the assassin going to need an accountant for?? This is intriguing.
Lies. It is not intriguing because it doesn’t really matter than he’s an accountant. Rude.
Characters
This is dual first person POV, so we get to see inside of both characters heads and thought processes. And then judge them accordingly.
Khalil - what a dillweed. I actually strongly dislike him, and not in a fun way. He just sucks. He’s rude and judgmental of Julien, and somehow breathtakingly naive. How can he be so naive after working for the mob for x years? (timeline very unclear) I don’t even know how you can ostrich to that degree. Which is also why I really dislike him for how terrible he thinks of Julien, while noticing absolutely nothing and just nonstop judging him apparently the entire time they’ve known each other (based on the past info dump). How can I buy into a romance at all, even a past one, when all Khalil thinks about is how much he doesn’t actually like Julien??
He’s such a naive moralistic asshole, like how can you have such idiot babby opinions when you literally work for the mob!! I am pretty mad about this. Julien is doing literally all the work and this dipshit just bellyaching dragging his dumb feet being holier than thou about everything.
Julien - he’s just sort of there. He was mildly intriguing, all his maneuvering and planning and crime stuff, but its so unbalanced by Khalils bullshit I’m not interested in continuing.
Romance
I did not buy into this romance at all. It seems like it’s supposed to be a second chance type thing, based on the info dumping about their history together? Which had detail yet was intensely vague. Plus I guess they also still have hate sex? Or something? I don’t know. The writing style made it impossible for me to figure these things out.
Since I very much disliked Khalil, I wanted Julien to disappear and find someone who actually would like him and not relentlessly judge him for everything he ever does and stuff outside of his control.
The writing
I think it is clear that there is a severe mismatch in the way this is written and my personal taste, because I really hated how this was done. It’s about 80% purple, flowery, pointless prose that just drags on and on and on. It doesn’t serve to give any depth to the plot, the characters, or their (alleged) romance. It just makes me roll my eyes when they’re waxing poetic in a livejournal sort of way about appearances. This is amplified by the strange background religious imagery, I guess it’s just kind of there? Leads to some weird as hell highlights, I’ll tell you that.
It also hindered my ability to understand what was even happening, which is the worst crime for a book. The strange info dumping-past recollection stuff was confusing. It was too much information while somehow telling me very little. The timelines and even what the heck they’re doing at this point of the book occurring makes no sense to me. It’s distracting in its vagueness.
Sometimes, it seems like the effort to be poetic ends up with misused words, or even ones that are a terrible match for the scene - I have a highlight somewhere that has a flush being described as “spreading like a rash” or something, mid sex scene. Rashes and sex don’t go well together, as a mental image. Plus then they invoked super gonorrhea, so like…super sexy, thanks. Rashy infected sex.
Overall, this very much did not work for me, on pretty much every level. The accountant thing was disappointing, the mob thing was bland and disappointing, I hated Khalil and wanted Julien to find someone better, the writing was deeply unpleasant to read…….not a winner in this series.
Virtuous Sinners series
I Am God’s Dagger ⭐⭐⭐
Dark Valor ⭐⭐
Day of Judgement ⭐
Speak and Obey ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Moment of Truth (i cannot find this??)
Nightingale ⭐
Man of Carnage
Pure Silence
The Right Way to Wrong - n/a
Read more reviews on my blog:
https://horsetalkreviews.blogspot.com/
September 27, 2022
This book really captures me.
The plot is lovely
The plot is lovely
September 22, 2022
3.5 stars
Uni has been sucking me dry and it's not even the good kind of suck because this is the first book I read in almost 2 weeks 😭😭😭 send help.
I liked this, mainly because a book finally held my attention for longer than a couple of pages.
I liked the first half way better than the latter.
I hated the male hate portrayed in this book. That's not what you call feminism people.
Uni has been sucking me dry and it's not even the good kind of suck because this is the first book I read in almost 2 weeks 😭😭😭 send help.
I liked this, mainly because a book finally held my attention for longer than a couple of pages.
I liked the first half way better than the latter.
I hated the male hate portrayed in this book. That's not what you call feminism people.
September 20, 2022
"What do you feel, baby?"
"The blood in my veins, my throbbing heart. My soul." I squeeze him tightly, wanting to experience this tremendous pleasure for as long as I'm able. I deserve this, at least. "Because of them, I shut it down," I tell him, another small confession. Even when it wasn't painful, my release was contaminated by shame and confusion. "But you make me feel so good. So pure." The tears come down again, embarrassing for a hitman, to say the least. Khalil kisses my cheeks, collecting those too. "You remind me what it's like to feel..."
Loved
"The blood in my veins, my throbbing heart. My soul." I squeeze him tightly, wanting to experience this tremendous pleasure for as long as I'm able. I deserve this, at least. "Because of them, I shut it down," I tell him, another small confession. Even when it wasn't painful, my release was contaminated by shame and confusion. "But you make me feel so good. So pure." The tears come down again, embarrassing for a hitman, to say the least. Khalil kisses my cheeks, collecting those too. "You remind me what it's like to feel..."
Loved
I've been thinking about this review ever since I finished the book and I'm still not sure I can write one that does the book justice. Because, yes, it's dark and disturbing, it's violent, it's sinister, it contains all of the bad things you can ever imagine, and still, it's also a sweet, and deeply felt love story. It's about protecting the one you love more than anything. It's about fulfilling a task of revenge, of having people pay for what has been done in the past and present.
So, yes, it must have been mentioned in other reviews, but reading the trigger warnings is absolutely necessary if you are a sensitive reader. And even if you aren't. Because they are there for a good reason.
But the book drew me in right away and it was really hard to put down. Even after having finished it a couple of days ago, Julien and Khalil are still occupying my mind and that only happens with the real good books.
This is the story of Julien and Khalil, two boys who meet when they are orphaned and brought to a place where people will take care of them, a Catholic home for boys. They grow up together and become friends, and eventually more than just that. But Julien has been keeping secrets from Khalil, and when he turns onto a self-destructive path, Khalil and Julien grow apart.
A few years after the last time they saw each other, Julien manipulates Khalil into coming with him when he has to 'solve a problem'. What Khalil wasn't aware of, is that Julien has become an assassin, a hitman for a dubious organization. From that moment on, they are in it together, Khalil feeling as if he is dragged into something he desperately wants to understand and get out, but as long as Julien keeps his secrets from him and keeps on lying about everything that's important, Khalil doesn't know how to feel safe again.
The sex between these two guys is really hot, by the way. It sometimes feels like hate-sex, and in other moments it's just tender and sweet and all about taking care of each other.
The story unfolds in a perfect pace and reveals the truths about the secrets Julien is keeping, why he is doing what he does, what's been his motive all along. And Khalil finally understands, just as we readers do.
There's a lot of graphic violence in this book as well as other disturbing crimes, but it's so well written that as a reader, when you finally know, you can't help but root for Julien. He's a complicated character, one who's been violated in the worst thinkable ways, and the things he didn't tell Khalil - not now and not when they were boys - he did so he could protect the best thing that ever happened to him after his family died - Khalil.
Their love story was so sweet. Painful at times too, but always hopeful. And even though Khalil said he hated Julien on repeat, it's so clear that he doesn't. He might hate the secrets Julien keeps from him, the fact that he's in the dark about most things happening around him, but he never really hated Julien. These two men were meant to be, they belonged. And in the end, they were rewarded with their hea, something I had a hard time believing in at times.
As always, Laura Lascarso presents this story with excellent writing - I love her poetic use of words, of the phrases she creates. She's such a talented author, I really believe she deserves more recognition.
This book is part of a series, but can be read as a standalone.
Oh, and before I forget: an honorable mention for Ghost - I love that guy! He's hilarious (so if you thought this book was nothing but darkness and violence, there's also humor, mainly due to this secondary character) and even though he tries to hide his painful past behind a tough shell, it's not always working. To me, he felt like a vulnerable kid, someone who'd never had to endure what he had. He's quite the character, though!
I kindly received an advanced copy from the author and this is my honest, unbiased review
May 13, 2024
4.5 stars - This was beautifully written and a very dark, tough read.
At times, I felt sick reading the graphic depictions of an MC's past and present experiences. But this is a story that needs to be told, and although fictional, this story does expose an abhorrent reality that exists in our world today.
At the very core of Nightingale is a story of revenge, redemption, and love, just delivered to the heart with the sting of a cold, sharp blade.
Please check trigger warnings.
At times, I felt sick reading the graphic depictions of an MC's past and present experiences. But this is a story that needs to be told, and although fictional, this story does expose an abhorrent reality that exists in our world today.
At the very core of Nightingale is a story of revenge, redemption, and love, just delivered to the heart with the sting of a cold, sharp blade.
Please check trigger warnings.
September 18, 2022
I'm a little speechless after reading this. It was such a heavy read, but with a love story so healing and radiant that it both broke me and put me back together. I feel obligated to say to any potential readers to please be aware that there is graphic sexual violence against children, and intense abuse of every sort imaginable in this. I literally felt sick reading some of it, but I just couldn't put it down. I desperately needed to see vengeance taken on the vile men and women who violated so many, especially Julien, our brave and precious assassin. And I just as desperately needed for him and Khalil to find their happily ever after. It seemed impossible at times, but it was perfect. If any two characters belong together, it's them. This is my second book by Lascarso in a row, and I am awe of her talent.
May 6, 2024
4.25 stars
CW: sexual assault against both adults and minors, child trafficking, graphic violence, murder, Catholic Church
”Despite my best efforts to distance myself from Julien, our lives have always been tangled together like a crown of thorns. We have loved like brothers and fought with the venom of two vipers in a pit. I have loved Julien Benoit, hated him, envied him, craved him, but what I have always wished above all else was to feel nothing for him at all. To be rid of him entirely.
By all counts, I have failed.
And I couldn’t be happier.”
This book will haunt you. The gorgeous writing highlights even more starkly the disturbing plot and beautiful, flawed characters. If you don’t already hate the Catholic Church, you will do so by the end of it—because even though it’s fiction so much of it is plausible given the Church’s history with abuse. The story is the definition of dark romance, but the darkness doesn’t apply to our MCs’s relationship. It centers on their backstories which are as traumatic as they come, as well as what they have to endure before they can free themselves from bondage. Julien and Kahlil together are the only source of beauty and light amidst the depraved world they have experienced since childhood.
✔️An assassin and an accountant.
✔️Bound by their trauma as orphans.
✔️Best friends and brothers.
✔️Who discover first love as teenagers.
✔️Exploited by the church and mob.
✔️Each copes in their own way.
✔️One with violence and self-destruction.
✔️The other obedience and by craving order.
✔️Lies, deceit, pining, love/hate, mutual dependency.
✔️A second chance at love.
✔️Steamy AF.
”Because of them, I shut it down,” I tell him, another small confession. Even when it wasn’t painful, my release was contaminated by shame and confusion. “But you make me feel so good. So pure.” The tears come again, embarrassing for a hitman, to say the least. Kahlil kisses my cheeks, collecting those two.
“You remind me what it’s like to feel…”
Loved.”
CW: sexual assault against both adults and minors, child trafficking, graphic violence, murder, Catholic Church
”Despite my best efforts to distance myself from Julien, our lives have always been tangled together like a crown of thorns. We have loved like brothers and fought with the venom of two vipers in a pit. I have loved Julien Benoit, hated him, envied him, craved him, but what I have always wished above all else was to feel nothing for him at all. To be rid of him entirely.
By all counts, I have failed.
And I couldn’t be happier.”
This book will haunt you. The gorgeous writing highlights even more starkly the disturbing plot and beautiful, flawed characters. If you don’t already hate the Catholic Church, you will do so by the end of it—because even though it’s fiction so much of it is plausible given the Church’s history with abuse. The story is the definition of dark romance, but the darkness doesn’t apply to our MCs’s relationship. It centers on their backstories which are as traumatic as they come, as well as what they have to endure before they can free themselves from bondage. Julien and Kahlil together are the only source of beauty and light amidst the depraved world they have experienced since childhood.
✔️An assassin and an accountant.
✔️Bound by their trauma as orphans.
✔️Best friends and brothers.
✔️Who discover first love as teenagers.
✔️Exploited by the church and mob.
✔️Each copes in their own way.
✔️One with violence and self-destruction.
✔️The other obedience and by craving order.
✔️Lies, deceit, pining, love/hate, mutual dependency.
✔️A second chance at love.
✔️Steamy AF.
”Because of them, I shut it down,” I tell him, another small confession. Even when it wasn’t painful, my release was contaminated by shame and confusion. “But you make me feel so good. So pure.” The tears come again, embarrassing for a hitman, to say the least. Kahlil kisses my cheeks, collecting those two.
“You remind me what it’s like to feel…”
Loved.”
September 8, 2022
4.25 stars.
This is the story of two men, Julien and Kahlil, who grew up together in a catholic orphanage from a young age, becoming roommates and best friends. The book takes place when they are in their late 20's and is told from dual first person POV. They are no longer as close as they once were, Julien now an assassin and Kahlil an accountant, both for The Hand, a criminal organization operating in Miami.
The subject matter is difficult - and I'm not talking about the murderous assassin leaving a trail of dead bodies - but nothing too disturbing happens in present tense or with too much detail. Of course, I read so many dark and disturbing books maybe I'm not the best judge.
The relationship between Julien and Kahlil was heartbreaking at times. I would have been interested in knowing more about them in present tense. Definitely more about Julien and his life leading up to the start of the book.
As always with Laura Lascarso, the writing was excellent. No editing issues, no confusing tangents. Just a story that draws you in from the beginning.
Overall I would definitely recommend.
This is the story of two men, Julien and Kahlil, who grew up together in a catholic orphanage from a young age, becoming roommates and best friends. The book takes place when they are in their late 20's and is told from dual first person POV. They are no longer as close as they once were, Julien now an assassin and Kahlil an accountant, both for The Hand, a criminal organization operating in Miami.
The subject matter is difficult - and I'm not talking about the murderous assassin leaving a trail of dead bodies - but nothing too disturbing happens in present tense or with too much detail. Of course, I read so many dark and disturbing books maybe I'm not the best judge.
The relationship between Julien and Kahlil was heartbreaking at times. I would have been interested in knowing more about them in present tense. Definitely more about Julien and his life leading up to the start of the book.
As always with Laura Lascarso, the writing was excellent. No editing issues, no confusing tangents. Just a story that draws you in from the beginning.
Overall I would definitely recommend.
October 7, 2022
A love story wrapped in dark subject matter
Definitely take in account the TWs before starting this book. It’s seriously DARK.
Since childhood, Julien and Kahlil have been connected. Growing up in a catholic orphanage with a depraved priest and his minions of criminals. It’s not a happy childhood for Julien but Kahlil is OBLIVIOUS to what Julien has done to keep him safe and untouched.
This story in many ways reminds me of Flesh Cartel for it’s super dark subject matter like human trafficking and abuse.
The bad guys you really want to suffer and by the end they do. Julien is severely traumatized and I’m glad he got his revenge. It was well deserved. AND he got his HEA with Kahlil which was a perfect end to a dark book.
Definitely take in account the TWs before starting this book. It’s seriously DARK.
Since childhood, Julien and Kahlil have been connected. Growing up in a catholic orphanage with a depraved priest and his minions of criminals. It’s not a happy childhood for Julien but Kahlil is OBLIVIOUS to what Julien has done to keep him safe and untouched.
This story in many ways reminds me of Flesh Cartel for it’s super dark subject matter like human trafficking and abuse.
The bad guys you really want to suffer and by the end they do. Julien is severely traumatized and I’m glad he got his revenge. It was well deserved. AND he got his HEA with Kahlil which was a perfect end to a dark book.
September 16, 2022
I have been waiting for this as with every book released in this series, and let me tell you this book is a fucked up level of brilliant.
It’s full of darkness, sex, lies, betrayal, abuse, love and the list goes on. I’d recommend reading triggers for this if you’re sensitive.
I love that it wasn’t censored. The story was brutal but so fantastically written. It was raw and full of emotion on all levels.
Julien and Kahlil meet as kids in awful circumstances but their lives are forever changed.
Julien is certainly the stand out of this story, an assassin, but a guy who had the most horrific things happen to him. He isn’t always the best as an adult but the story unfolds beautifully showing why he is like he is.
Poor devoted Kahlil is just in a world where he doesn’t know the truth. Surrounded by lies. But his love for Julien never wavers.
It’s such an intense read and I was worried if they would survive. The chemistry between these two was sizzling, there is A LOT of sex in this book but it works. It doesn’t feel like filler for the story as it’s needed for you to understand their story.
Amazing, highly recommend for my fellow dark loving MM book lovers.
It’s full of darkness, sex, lies, betrayal, abuse, love and the list goes on. I’d recommend reading triggers for this if you’re sensitive.
I love that it wasn’t censored. The story was brutal but so fantastically written. It was raw and full of emotion on all levels.
Julien and Kahlil meet as kids in awful circumstances but their lives are forever changed.
Julien is certainly the stand out of this story, an assassin, but a guy who had the most horrific things happen to him. He isn’t always the best as an adult but the story unfolds beautifully showing why he is like he is.
Poor devoted Kahlil is just in a world where he doesn’t know the truth. Surrounded by lies. But his love for Julien never wavers.
It’s such an intense read and I was worried if they would survive. The chemistry between these two was sizzling, there is A LOT of sex in this book but it works. It doesn’t feel like filler for the story as it’s needed for you to understand their story.
Amazing, highly recommend for my fellow dark loving MM book lovers.
July 17, 2022
This was great. Everything I hoped for after reading the little snipped in These Deviant Ties - Full RTC
Read
November 8, 2024DNF’d at 34%. I think it’s actually a good story, but just not for me right now. Probably my third DNF
in a row ☹️
in a row ☹️
September 21, 2024
4.25⭐️
I have a blind spot for femme unhinged crazy MMCs with smart, sassy and filthy mouth🙈.
This book is about Julien who takes revenge on people who abused him as a child in an “orphanage”.
The triggers were no joke but the author tackled them well.
Julien’s lame jokes were funny as hell and the steamy moments were hot.
I like Julien, he was an interesting character.❤️
I have a blind spot for femme unhinged crazy MMCs with smart, sassy and filthy mouth🙈.
This book is about Julien who takes revenge on people who abused him as a child in an “orphanage”.
The triggers were no joke but the author tackled them well.
Julien’s lame jokes were funny as hell and the steamy moments were hot.
I like Julien, he was an interesting character.❤️
December 8, 2022
I enjoyed reading this dark tale of love and revenge. I really liked Julien, smart, beautiful, seductive and resilient, he overcame so much, some parts were not easy to read, even though I like darker stories. Khalil was supportive and stuff, but he didn't stand a chance compared to his best friend. Overall this was captivating story, kept me on the edge of my seat until the end. I am becoming a fan of this author more and more with every story I read, and looking forward to more.
October 12, 2023
4.5 stars.
Before I even review this I have to say: please please please read the trigger warnings. The subject matter in this book is very dark, and at times extremely hard to read, so it won't be for a lot of people. I even feel weird rating a book about this subject so high but I could not put this down. I usually get distracted easily when I read, whether it be scrolling through Tik Tok, chatting with friends, etc but I found myself glued to the book. I knew from the jump that something was not right with the main "bad guy". I mean bad guy as a descriptor seems too tame for what this man did. He is the worst scum of the earth. I think he may be the character I have hated the most in a book...ever.
I absolutely loved Julien. He is my favorite kind of character. Sassy, feisty, funny, flirty, a little bit femme but oh my goodness has he been through it. I hate what happened to him. My heart absolutely hurt for him. Thank goodness he had Khalil, his one good thing. Their road was not an easy one but they made it out the other side. Or as much as one can after enduring years of abuse. I loved Julien's mission and I loved all the people who helped him with that. Especially Ghost...please tell me we will get a book of him and Doc. I need it!
I would say now I need to go read something light and happy but it is October which means more blood, more hurt, more trauma, more death. Whew. I should probably set up November with all fluff!
Despite my best effort to distance myself from Julien, our lives have always been tangled together like a crown of thorns. We have loved like brothers and fought with the venom of two vipers in a pit. I have loved Julien Benoit, hated him, envied him, craved him, but what I have always wished above all else was to feel nothing for him at all. To be rid of him entirely.
Maybe this time I’ll succeed.
“I don’t mind answering your questions, Kahlil. I’m an open book.”
I snort. If Julien is an open book, it’s only in the sense that he’s turned to the one page I’m allowed to read and highlighted the passage, after rewriting it to fit his version of the truth.
I look at him, really look at him for the first time in years. We used to lie awake at night, curved toward each other like a pair of parentheses, staring at one another’s face without blinking because we didn’t want to be the first to fall asleep. Even then, I tried to uncover all his secrets, peel him apart one layer at a time to understand how his mind worked, back when I thought loving him was enough. Then as now Julien stares back at me with cool indifference, giving nothing away.
“Yes, I do. I see you everywhere I go. I’ve missed you, frèrot.” His touches are tender now, soft strokes and sweet caresses that make me feel weak and needy. “Don’t pull away from me,” he murmurs. “We’ve spent too long apart. You can hate me tomorrow, but tonight, let me love you.”
Love is far too risky a proposition to even contemplate. “I’ve never been able to keep secrets from you,” I say with some bitterness.
“That’s why we work.” He sweeps my mouth with his thumb, tugging on my lower lip. “You’re all the best parts of me, Kahlil. Without you, I’m nothing.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is true. I want us to be like this, always.”
I don’t bother to argue the impossibility, nor do I allow myself to dwell in his delusion. It’s not only his body that tempts me, but his words too. Julien is like this beautiful shining sword, so deceptively harmless at rest, until you find yourself impaled on it.
Together we were a unit, two misfit pieces interlocking. But apart, we are both set adrift. I vow to be patient, give him as much time as he needs to come back to me. And in the meantime, I’ll do everything in my power to save him, just as he has saved me.
“Truth is, I do have a type.” He touches my face, my cheek, my forehead, dimpling my skin with his fingertips. He’s the only person who’s ever touched me with such devotion or looked at me this way. When I was younger, I was treated as a commodity, something to be used and exploited. Those who now know me as Nightingale regard me as something wicked to be tamed, like Odalis whose only desire is to control and subdue me. My victims look at me with fear and terror. But Kahlil has always treated me as an equal, someone to cherish and nurture, even when I didn’t deserve it.
“Tell me, mon ours,” I coax.
He gazes up at me, smiling. “He’s got long hair and smooth skin. Talks a big game. Good with animals, bad with feelings. He drives me crazy, and he makes me laugh.” He kisses my neck, then tugs on the front of my shirt to march his lips across my collarbone. “He knows all my secrets. And my weaknesses. He’s the first person I think of in the morning, the only man I want sharing my bed at night.”
“Sounds like he doesn’t deserve you,” I say, my heart dangerously close to melting.
“He does. But he makes it hard.”
My chest constricts. I’ve been so awful to him over the years, especially when I was abusing drugs and caught in a downward spiral of self-destruction. I stroke his cheek. I don’t deserve him, but I want us so bad. “I’m sure that’s not his intention. And I bet he feels the same way.”
Kahlil sighs mournfully. “I don’t know if I can do this again, Jewel. Trust you with my heart.”
“I’ll be careful. So very careful. I promise.”
“It’s like my sexuality is whatever you are,” Kahlil says as if having a revelation.
I’m done with my vow of celibacy, done fighting my attraction to him too. He’s fucked up, and I’m fucked up, and together we make sense. Tomorrow we’re getting a goddamned queen-sized bed. One day, I’ll probably lose my mind and ask him to marry me.
“He never told me,” I admit.
Ghost nods like it’s obvious why he wouldn’t. “He didn’t want Father’s wickedness to touch you. He needed one good thing in his life. And that’s you.”
He smiles and opens his arms. I roll on top of him and spread myself over him like a weighted blanket. God has mostly ignored my prayers my entire life, but at least He answered this one.
He pulls away so that he can look up at me, eyes shining. “What do you want?”
“You. This is all I’ve ever wanted, to be allowed to love you.” I whisper the last part, overcome with emotion.
“Me too. I love you, mon mignon. And I always will.”
So long as we love each other, the rest will follow, right? Isn’t that what the love songs always say?
“What do you feel, baby?”
“The blood in my veins, my throbbing heart. My soul.” I squeeze him tightly, wanting to experience this tremendous pleasure for as long as I’m able. I deserve this, at least. “Because of them, I shut it down,” I tell him, another small confession. Even when it wasn’t painful, my release was contaminated by shame and confusion. “But you make me feel so good. So pure.” The tears come again, embarrassing for a hitman, to say the least. Kahlil kisses my cheeks, collecting those too. “You remind me what it’s like to feel…”
Loved.
I crest on a wave of pleasure, as emotional as it is physical. Kahlil raises me up, shining his light into every part of my being, seeping into my soul. He lays me down gently, still cradled in his arms, and comes soon after, filling me with his release, cementing our bond in ways that words have always failed me, but I’m going to work on that too.
“Don’t go,” I beg.
“Never.”
Despite my best effort to distance myself from Julien, our lives have always been tangled together like a crown of thorns. We have loved like brothers and fought with the venom of two vipers in a pit. I have loved Julien Benoit, hated him, envied him, craved him, but what I have always wished above all else was to feel nothing for him at all. To be rid of him entirely.
By all counts, I have failed.
And I couldn’t be happier.
Before I even review this I have to say: please please please read the trigger warnings. The subject matter in this book is very dark, and at times extremely hard to read, so it won't be for a lot of people. I even feel weird rating a book about this subject so high but I could not put this down. I usually get distracted easily when I read, whether it be scrolling through Tik Tok, chatting with friends, etc but I found myself glued to the book. I knew from the jump that something was not right with the main "bad guy". I mean bad guy as a descriptor seems too tame for what this man did. He is the worst scum of the earth. I think he may be the character I have hated the most in a book...ever.
I absolutely loved Julien. He is my favorite kind of character. Sassy, feisty, funny, flirty, a little bit femme but oh my goodness has he been through it. I hate what happened to him. My heart absolutely hurt for him. Thank goodness he had Khalil, his one good thing. Their road was not an easy one but they made it out the other side. Or as much as one can after enduring years of abuse. I loved Julien's mission and I loved all the people who helped him with that. Especially Ghost...please tell me we will get a book of him and Doc. I need it!
I would say now I need to go read something light and happy but it is October which means more blood, more hurt, more trauma, more death. Whew. I should probably set up November with all fluff!
Despite my best effort to distance myself from Julien, our lives have always been tangled together like a crown of thorns. We have loved like brothers and fought with the venom of two vipers in a pit. I have loved Julien Benoit, hated him, envied him, craved him, but what I have always wished above all else was to feel nothing for him at all. To be rid of him entirely.
Maybe this time I’ll succeed.
“I don’t mind answering your questions, Kahlil. I’m an open book.”
I snort. If Julien is an open book, it’s only in the sense that he’s turned to the one page I’m allowed to read and highlighted the passage, after rewriting it to fit his version of the truth.
I look at him, really look at him for the first time in years. We used to lie awake at night, curved toward each other like a pair of parentheses, staring at one another’s face without blinking because we didn’t want to be the first to fall asleep. Even then, I tried to uncover all his secrets, peel him apart one layer at a time to understand how his mind worked, back when I thought loving him was enough. Then as now Julien stares back at me with cool indifference, giving nothing away.
“Yes, I do. I see you everywhere I go. I’ve missed you, frèrot.” His touches are tender now, soft strokes and sweet caresses that make me feel weak and needy. “Don’t pull away from me,” he murmurs. “We’ve spent too long apart. You can hate me tomorrow, but tonight, let me love you.”
Love is far too risky a proposition to even contemplate. “I’ve never been able to keep secrets from you,” I say with some bitterness.
“That’s why we work.” He sweeps my mouth with his thumb, tugging on my lower lip. “You’re all the best parts of me, Kahlil. Without you, I’m nothing.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is true. I want us to be like this, always.”
I don’t bother to argue the impossibility, nor do I allow myself to dwell in his delusion. It’s not only his body that tempts me, but his words too. Julien is like this beautiful shining sword, so deceptively harmless at rest, until you find yourself impaled on it.
Together we were a unit, two misfit pieces interlocking. But apart, we are both set adrift. I vow to be patient, give him as much time as he needs to come back to me. And in the meantime, I’ll do everything in my power to save him, just as he has saved me.
“Truth is, I do have a type.” He touches my face, my cheek, my forehead, dimpling my skin with his fingertips. He’s the only person who’s ever touched me with such devotion or looked at me this way. When I was younger, I was treated as a commodity, something to be used and exploited. Those who now know me as Nightingale regard me as something wicked to be tamed, like Odalis whose only desire is to control and subdue me. My victims look at me with fear and terror. But Kahlil has always treated me as an equal, someone to cherish and nurture, even when I didn’t deserve it.
“Tell me, mon ours,” I coax.
He gazes up at me, smiling. “He’s got long hair and smooth skin. Talks a big game. Good with animals, bad with feelings. He drives me crazy, and he makes me laugh.” He kisses my neck, then tugs on the front of my shirt to march his lips across my collarbone. “He knows all my secrets. And my weaknesses. He’s the first person I think of in the morning, the only man I want sharing my bed at night.”
“Sounds like he doesn’t deserve you,” I say, my heart dangerously close to melting.
“He does. But he makes it hard.”
My chest constricts. I’ve been so awful to him over the years, especially when I was abusing drugs and caught in a downward spiral of self-destruction. I stroke his cheek. I don’t deserve him, but I want us so bad. “I’m sure that’s not his intention. And I bet he feels the same way.”
Kahlil sighs mournfully. “I don’t know if I can do this again, Jewel. Trust you with my heart.”
“I’ll be careful. So very careful. I promise.”
“It’s like my sexuality is whatever you are,” Kahlil says as if having a revelation.
I’m done with my vow of celibacy, done fighting my attraction to him too. He’s fucked up, and I’m fucked up, and together we make sense. Tomorrow we’re getting a goddamned queen-sized bed. One day, I’ll probably lose my mind and ask him to marry me.
“He never told me,” I admit.
Ghost nods like it’s obvious why he wouldn’t. “He didn’t want Father’s wickedness to touch you. He needed one good thing in his life. And that’s you.”
He smiles and opens his arms. I roll on top of him and spread myself over him like a weighted blanket. God has mostly ignored my prayers my entire life, but at least He answered this one.
He pulls away so that he can look up at me, eyes shining. “What do you want?”
“You. This is all I’ve ever wanted, to be allowed to love you.” I whisper the last part, overcome with emotion.
“Me too. I love you, mon mignon. And I always will.”
So long as we love each other, the rest will follow, right? Isn’t that what the love songs always say?
“What do you feel, baby?”
“The blood in my veins, my throbbing heart. My soul.” I squeeze him tightly, wanting to experience this tremendous pleasure for as long as I’m able. I deserve this, at least. “Because of them, I shut it down,” I tell him, another small confession. Even when it wasn’t painful, my release was contaminated by shame and confusion. “But you make me feel so good. So pure.” The tears come again, embarrassing for a hitman, to say the least. Kahlil kisses my cheeks, collecting those too. “You remind me what it’s like to feel…”
Loved.
I crest on a wave of pleasure, as emotional as it is physical. Kahlil raises me up, shining his light into every part of my being, seeping into my soul. He lays me down gently, still cradled in his arms, and comes soon after, filling me with his release, cementing our bond in ways that words have always failed me, but I’m going to work on that too.
“Don’t go,” I beg.
“Never.”
Despite my best effort to distance myself from Julien, our lives have always been tangled together like a crown of thorns. We have loved like brothers and fought with the venom of two vipers in a pit. I have loved Julien Benoit, hated him, envied him, craved him, but what I have always wished above all else was to feel nothing for him at all. To be rid of him entirely.
By all counts, I have failed.
And I couldn’t be happier.
September 28, 2022
Mmm... I feel this book tried to tell so many things in so few pages. I did like it, but idk, it still feels lacking somehow.
August 25, 2023
MM Second Chance Romance
Julien & Kahlil have been friends since they were at St Bernadines as orphans as they grew up they grew apart mainly due to Julian’s wild ways. Kahlil is now learning Julien has demons lots of them ,Julien insists on keeping him in the dark by telling him he’s protecting him. And when everything comes to light and he learns what Julien went through as a child he understands why Julien led such a toxic life . I’m really enjoying the Virtuous Sinners series and if I could give this book more than five stars I would I absolutely loved it .
Julien & Kahlil have been friends since they were at St Bernadines as orphans as they grew up they grew apart mainly due to Julian’s wild ways. Kahlil is now learning Julien has demons lots of them ,Julien insists on keeping him in the dark by telling him he’s protecting him. And when everything comes to light and he learns what Julien went through as a child he understands why Julien led such a toxic life . I’m really enjoying the Virtuous Sinners series and if I could give this book more than five stars I would I absolutely loved it .
September 14, 2022
I’m not qualified to write a review for this story. I don’t really even know where to begin. From the time I started this book I had to ignore everything around me to read it. I should have known after reading the Giovanni series what to expect from this author. The emotion throughout this story grabbed me and would not let go. This author brings out the issues that go on around us everyday that are unimaginable and so horrible that once it gets into your mind it’s hard to let it go.
This story centers around two “orphan” boys who are taken in at Saint Bernadine’s School for Boys. Julien and Kahlil are such different personalities yet are drawn to each other. They form a bond as “brothers” and yet there is the conflict between them. Julien appears to be the wild child. He has the gift of charming his way through everything. It appears to Kahlil that Julien is given all the privileges while misbehaving at every turn.
Kahlil on the other hand tries to do his best to gain the approval of the grownups around him yet he doesn’t quite get acknowledged like he feels Julien does.
Jump ahead a few years and these guys are young men. Their lives have taken them in different directions. Kahlil is an accountant with a routine life. Julien is a trained assassin raised to a life of violence and pain. Kahlil has been in love with Julien but has to face the facts that Julien doesn’t appear to be a settle down type guy. Then situations cause Kahlil to be forced to spend time with Julien and the whole world changes for him. Kahlil is forced to face the truth about Julien and at the same time, Julien gets forced to deal with the man he is and why his life was mapped out as it had been.
This is the most heart wrenching story I’ve read in quiet some time. I’m a pretty non-violent introvert yet as I read this story, I felt I wanted revenge for what had happened to Julien. This author has the ability to make the characters so real and the situations unbelievably possible. I read this story without interruptions and have had book hangover since. This is a story I will reread and there are few I do. I know this is part of a series but I’m hoping this author with write stories for the secondary characters. I have to thank this author. I wish I could rate this higher than five stars because I feel this is one of the few stories that is so above that.
February 6, 2023
Please check the TW and CW carefully before reading this book. It contains on-page mention, description, portrayal, and inferences of murder, child trafficking, child sexual assault, adult sexual assault, and sexual assault by . The portrayals do not spare the reader and are, at times, incredibly horrific and upsetting to read.
But interwoven through all this trauma, despair, and abuse is a wonderful love story and a HEA that the two main characters had to fight tooth and nail for. For the first half of the book, which is mostly told from Khali's point of view, Julien comes across as an arrogant, vapid, seductive murderer who enjoys both killing and the often demeaning and non-consensual sexual acts he is forced to perform. Khali’s childhood memories of Julien show him as an angel of a boy who always got what he wanted because of his pretty face and sunny demeanour. But in those memories lie deeper, darker, and incredibly traumatic experiences that Khali failed to pick up on as a child and again failed to see as an adult.
When Julian's point of view is given in the book, you realize that this is a man who is deeply in love with Khali and who has survived his childhood and adult abuse with recklessness and a deep-seated need for vengeance that will take your breath away.
Is he good? Not really, but he is good towards Khali, even when he hurts him with half-truths and lies, it is because he loves him and wants to protect him.
Is he kind? Definitely not, but behind his hard edges hides a man who is desperate to show his kindness to the only boy and man he has ever loved.
I ended up loving Julian, and his many, MANY mafia dad-jokes, and that takes a very good writer and a great story to see how cruel and deeply depraved Julian can be and still root for him and Khali to have their HEA.
Was this an easy read? No, not at all. The descriptions and inferences of the abuse that happened at the and the casual way characters talk about sexually abusing children are horrific and deeply upsetting, because I know that it’s the truth. This is how abusers talk about their victims.
Am I glad I read the book? Ultimately, yes. The HEA that Julian and Khali had to fight for (fighting the FBI, their own childhood demons, their literal childhood demons, and at times themselves and each other) makes this one of the books that will stay with me for a long time.
But interwoven through all this trauma, despair, and abuse is a wonderful love story and a HEA that the two main characters had to fight tooth and nail for. For the first half of the book, which is mostly told from Khali's point of view, Julien comes across as an arrogant, vapid, seductive murderer who enjoys both killing and the often demeaning and non-consensual sexual acts he is forced to perform. Khali’s childhood memories of Julien show him as an angel of a boy who always got what he wanted because of his pretty face and sunny demeanour. But in those memories lie deeper, darker, and incredibly traumatic experiences that Khali failed to pick up on as a child and again failed to see as an adult.
When Julian's point of view is given in the book, you realize that this is a man who is deeply in love with Khali and who has survived his childhood and adult abuse with recklessness and a deep-seated need for vengeance that will take your breath away.
Is he good? Not really, but he is good towards Khali, even when he hurts him with half-truths and lies, it is because he loves him and wants to protect him.
Is he kind? Definitely not, but behind his hard edges hides a man who is desperate to show his kindness to the only boy and man he has ever loved.
I ended up loving Julian, and his many, MANY mafia dad-jokes, and that takes a very good writer and a great story to see how cruel and deeply depraved Julian can be and still root for him and Khali to have their HEA.
Was this an easy read? No, not at all. The descriptions and inferences of the abuse that happened at the and the casual way characters talk about sexually abusing children are horrific and deeply upsetting, because I know that it’s the truth. This is how abusers talk about their victims.
Am I glad I read the book? Ultimately, yes. The HEA that Julian and Khali had to fight for (fighting the FBI, their own childhood demons, their literal childhood demons, and at times themselves and each other) makes this one of the books that will stay with me for a long time.
September 16, 2022
They were once best friends, brothers, when they lived at the orphanage, sharing a bed and more. The Catholic Sisters and Father Aubert took care of them.
Now Khalil tells himself he despises everything about Julien. The once so soft boy turned into a sharp assassin.
Julien in his turn has completely different feelings.
Working for the same mob boss Odalis, Khalil has to join (read: be forced) Julien on one of his jobs. Khalil is way out of his comfort zone, he is an accountant for f sake!
Boundaries are what Khalil needs to set for Julien, or else he’ll be all over him, always, because he is Julien’s, always been, always will, even if he doesn’t want to be.
Little does he know what Julien has been through, why he acts as he does.
I can’t tell much because I could spoil, and that would be awful.
The only thing I’ll say is: mind the trigger warnings!
Every page gives us a glimpse of the hurt, the truth, the horror, the memories, the distrust, the yearning, longing, craving, and hate.
“You let other men fuck you the way I do?”
“All the time,” I say between labored breaths.
“Liar.”
In the claws of the devil, Khalil gets to understand the traumatic truth.
There were so many things wrong, it’s upsetting, a network of sick ugly people.
I’ll say it again mind the trigger warnings!
This author’s writing skills are one of a kind. I always read her stories with amazement, even when it’s cruel AF.
And let’s be honest, this one was cruel AF! Right after the moment I thought the story was maybe a bit dragging, everything got into overdrive, I was on high alert again, because dang, a lot of things happened!
It wasn’t an easy read, it was immensely captivating, harsh, and not for the faint of heart!
Reviewed for LoveBytes - LGBTQ bookreviews
Now Khalil tells himself he despises everything about Julien. The once so soft boy turned into a sharp assassin.
Julien in his turn has completely different feelings.
Working for the same mob boss Odalis, Khalil has to join (read: be forced) Julien on one of his jobs. Khalil is way out of his comfort zone, he is an accountant for f sake!
Boundaries are what Khalil needs to set for Julien, or else he’ll be all over him, always, because he is Julien’s, always been, always will, even if he doesn’t want to be.
Little does he know what Julien has been through, why he acts as he does.
I can’t tell much because I could spoil, and that would be awful.
The only thing I’ll say is: mind the trigger warnings!
Every page gives us a glimpse of the hurt, the truth, the horror, the memories, the distrust, the yearning, longing, craving, and hate.
“You let other men fuck you the way I do?”
“All the time,” I say between labored breaths.
“Liar.”
In the claws of the devil, Khalil gets to understand the traumatic truth.
There were so many things wrong, it’s upsetting, a network of sick ugly people.
I’ll say it again mind the trigger warnings!
This author’s writing skills are one of a kind. I always read her stories with amazement, even when it’s cruel AF.
And let’s be honest, this one was cruel AF! Right after the moment I thought the story was maybe a bit dragging, everything got into overdrive, I was on high alert again, because dang, a lot of things happened!
It wasn’t an easy read, it was immensely captivating, harsh, and not for the faint of heart!
Reviewed for LoveBytes - LGBTQ bookreviews
September 24, 2022
Nightingale is a step outside of my comfort zone but was invited to read an ARC and after reading the blurb, had to give it a try. I'm so glad I did!
Julien is a very complex character with details of his history being given across the story, leading the reader and Kahlil to understand him better. I felt for Kahlil because he didn't understand the change in his friend when they were teenagers but he's his person and so hard to deny, in regards to their attraction and in wanting to trust him again. Though, Julien has given him very little reason to from his actions in their past. Julien's 'occupation' is not something for the light-hearted with on page killings and talk of drug use and child trafficking (not by him). Their chemistry and connection is intense from the start, there's no denying the strength of their bond. At first Kahlil is determined to deny anything with his friend but it's only moments before he succumbs to the draw he feels to the other man, their heat level sparking off the page with elements of pain and D/s.
The plot of the book is absolutely heartbreaking. That it happens at all is terrible but once we and other characters learn of who is who and who does what there's no denying they deserve what's coming. I found the hardest part to be when certain secrets are revealed to Kahlil, the emotion strong throughout the book but I really felt his anguish there.
Not a story for the faint of heart but I definitely recommend it. Please be aware there is talk of child abuse told as memories, on page adult dubious consent.
I received an ARC and am happily giving a review.
Julien is a very complex character with details of his history being given across the story, leading the reader and Kahlil to understand him better. I felt for Kahlil because he didn't understand the change in his friend when they were teenagers but he's his person and so hard to deny, in regards to their attraction and in wanting to trust him again. Though, Julien has given him very little reason to from his actions in their past. Julien's 'occupation' is not something for the light-hearted with on page killings and talk of drug use and child trafficking (not by him). Their chemistry and connection is intense from the start, there's no denying the strength of their bond. At first Kahlil is determined to deny anything with his friend but it's only moments before he succumbs to the draw he feels to the other man, their heat level sparking off the page with elements of pain and D/s.
The plot of the book is absolutely heartbreaking. That it happens at all is terrible but once we and other characters learn of who is who and who does what there's no denying they deserve what's coming. I found the hardest part to be when certain secrets are revealed to Kahlil, the emotion strong throughout the book but I really felt his anguish there.
Not a story for the faint of heart but I definitely recommend it. Please be aware there is talk of child abuse told as memories, on page adult dubious consent.
I received an ARC and am happily giving a review.
March 9, 2023
Kahlil and Julien share a lot of complicated backstory because of how they grew up together and into the complicated adults they have become. Rather than inundate us with flashbacks or lots of unnecessary narrative, Lascarso does an excellent job of dropping great details about this history that allows the reader to build their own picture of the state of the current relationship between these men. I think this made for a more fluid relationship development as we followed them through this epic adventure. Despite the characters’ involvement in organized crime, this is more of an anti-mafia romance that depicts our heroes fighting for the adulthoods they deserve after childhoods filled with tragedy.
The romance arc in this book is completely tangled with the external plot, and I loved the push and pull between Kahlil and Julien that results. Julien hides a ton of current and past secrets from Kahlil, but he forgets that Kahlil is the one person who truly sees him – and that Kahlil is far from an idiot. This book includes plenty of violent action and adventure, but the truly dark bit of this book sneaks up on you. This story will not be for everyone, and prepare to have your heart hurt multiple times as you learn the true story of the titular Nightingale.
The darkness makes the eventual ending that much more satisfying, even if it’s not necessarily the happily ever after I would have chosen for these men. However, I thoroughly enjoyed the intricate story of these multifaceted characters as they escaped the bonds of their previous lives and discovered freedom and happiness together.
The romance arc in this book is completely tangled with the external plot, and I loved the push and pull between Kahlil and Julien that results. Julien hides a ton of current and past secrets from Kahlil, but he forgets that Kahlil is the one person who truly sees him – and that Kahlil is far from an idiot. This book includes plenty of violent action and adventure, but the truly dark bit of this book sneaks up on you. This story will not be for everyone, and prepare to have your heart hurt multiple times as you learn the true story of the titular Nightingale.
The darkness makes the eventual ending that much more satisfying, even if it’s not necessarily the happily ever after I would have chosen for these men. However, I thoroughly enjoyed the intricate story of these multifaceted characters as they escaped the bonds of their previous lives and discovered freedom and happiness together.
September 16, 2022
“𝑜𝑓 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑦 𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑠, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑦, 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑣𝑖𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑒 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑑 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑟”
“𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑟 𝑜𝑓 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑝𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑒𝑥 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑦 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓-𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑚𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑓𝑎𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑑. 𝑃𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒. 𝑅𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒.”
Nightingale is Laura Lascarso riveting edition to the Virtuous Sinners series. Julien is an assassin whose code name is Nightingale, on account of his heavenly voice that he lull's his targets with to their bitter end. Kahlil is an accountant who is bound by morals and the grace of God. Julien and Kahlil built a lasting connection from a young age when meeting at Saint Bernadine's Orphanage. Time hasn't been pleasant to either men, and their relationship is in tatters from a web of lies and deceit. Kahlil might not be able to stop himself from freely giving his body to Julien but he holds his heart under lock and key. Whilst outside forces threaten to sever what remains of their sacred bond, their time is precious but all they need is patience.
This was such an excitingly dark & steamy read, with depictions of violence and murder. Nightingale offers some forced proximity and opposites attract with a cheesy joke telling assassin that uses he feminine wiles to further his cause and a brooding accountant that might be more of a threat to Julien's life than he knows. After all Julien has paid the ultimate prices to keep Kahlil safe. This has a fair few contents warnings for a reason and readers discretion is advised. This is definitely a must read for all those dark romance lovers out there.
“𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑟 𝑜𝑓 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑝𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑒𝑥 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑦 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓-𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑚𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑓𝑎𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑑. 𝑃𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒. 𝑅𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒.”
Nightingale is Laura Lascarso riveting edition to the Virtuous Sinners series. Julien is an assassin whose code name is Nightingale, on account of his heavenly voice that he lull's his targets with to their bitter end. Kahlil is an accountant who is bound by morals and the grace of God. Julien and Kahlil built a lasting connection from a young age when meeting at Saint Bernadine's Orphanage. Time hasn't been pleasant to either men, and their relationship is in tatters from a web of lies and deceit. Kahlil might not be able to stop himself from freely giving his body to Julien but he holds his heart under lock and key. Whilst outside forces threaten to sever what remains of their sacred bond, their time is precious but all they need is patience.
This was such an excitingly dark & steamy read, with depictions of violence and murder. Nightingale offers some forced proximity and opposites attract with a cheesy joke telling assassin that uses he feminine wiles to further his cause and a brooding accountant that might be more of a threat to Julien's life than he knows. After all Julien has paid the ultimate prices to keep Kahlil safe. This has a fair few contents warnings for a reason and readers discretion is advised. This is definitely a must read for all those dark romance lovers out there.
August 28, 2022
Where to begin with this review… my heart still aches in the best possible way and I’m so thankful that
Laura wrote this story 💛
This story has my attention from the first pages, and my feelings towards the story, characters and the writing is so strong. I love how the author writes beautifully, but also gritty, raw and delicious, sizzling hot sex scenes. Knowing what these two have been through together, makes everything between them so freaking fragile, but so beautiful at the same time.
An accountant and an assassin, who’s been through so much together from they were kids, meets up again after some years apart. Trust needs to be built again, but I feel the present of love between all the time. I’m longing, pining and hurting along with them. And I’m so happy about the ending and that Julien & Kahlil finally found love. They deserve it so much!
This is not an easy read, the triggers are there for a reason. I love the way Laura writes dark, angsty stories! If you haven’t read her stories yet, please do. You won’t regret it! This is definitely a story I’ll be thinking about for a long time.
I’m hoping for a story between two of the side characters… fingers crossed Ghost and Doc gets their own story some day…. 💛
Laura wrote this story 💛
This story has my attention from the first pages, and my feelings towards the story, characters and the writing is so strong. I love how the author writes beautifully, but also gritty, raw and delicious, sizzling hot sex scenes. Knowing what these two have been through together, makes everything between them so freaking fragile, but so beautiful at the same time.
An accountant and an assassin, who’s been through so much together from they were kids, meets up again after some years apart. Trust needs to be built again, but I feel the present of love between all the time. I’m longing, pining and hurting along with them. And I’m so happy about the ending and that Julien & Kahlil finally found love. They deserve it so much!
This is not an easy read, the triggers are there for a reason. I love the way Laura writes dark, angsty stories! If you haven’t read her stories yet, please do. You won’t regret it! This is definitely a story I’ll be thinking about for a long time.
I’m hoping for a story between two of the side characters… fingers crossed Ghost and Doc gets their own story some day…. 💛
dnf
December 27, 2023DNF @16% ... I have heard such great things about this author, but none of the synposes of her books have appealed to me enough to give her a try up until I finally picked up the spin-off for this one, The Butcher and his Boy.
I liked that one well enough to try this one, even though I'd purposefully passed it by several times since the blurb has elements that aren't my jam, and... I should have left it at that. 🤦♀️
I'm definitely one of *those* romance readers who is almost never down with having the love interest fuck other people during the story, but honestly, it wasn't even that. I strongly suspect the root cause of all Julien's behavior, but just don't care enough to read through and see if I'm right, because I honestly just don't like either one of them. And not in that anti-hero way, I don't care about either one of them, and nothing about the plot of the book pulls me in. So... yeah, "it's not you; it's me." Obviously, plenty of readers have enjoyed this book, but it's not my jam, and I doubt I'll be revisiting this author again since her writing style just doesn't engage my interest.
I liked that one well enough to try this one, even though I'd purposefully passed it by several times since the blurb has elements that aren't my jam, and... I should have left it at that. 🤦♀️
I'm definitely one of *those* romance readers who is almost never down with having the love interest fuck other people during the story, but honestly, it wasn't even that. I strongly suspect the root cause of all Julien's behavior, but just don't care enough to read through and see if I'm right, because I honestly just don't like either one of them. And not in that anti-hero way, I don't care about either one of them, and nothing about the plot of the book pulls me in. So... yeah, "it's not you; it's me." Obviously, plenty of readers have enjoyed this book, but it's not my jam, and I doubt I'll be revisiting this author again since her writing style just doesn't engage my interest.
August 29, 2022
A sexy story of love and vengeance!
Khalil and Julian have known each other since childhood but it’s not until a corrupt mob boss gives them a job that sparks begin to fly. Filled with drama, trauma and an unlikely pairing. This story has so many feels!
I loved both these characters alone but together they were fire 🔥 🔥🔥
Julian, a highly skilled assassin known as the Nightingale, and Khalil the safe, stable accountant. But I found it was not Julien’s deadliness that was most interesting but rather his path to redemption through his love for Khalil.
And it was Kahlil’s skittishness towards Julian despite or maybe because of his love for him that made me adore him. This odd couple’s journey through the depths of depravity and the side characters that supported them made me cheer as the baddies received their violent ends. Watching this couple build trust with each other made me root for them. For a love like theirs to survive so much drama and darkly rooted trauma you can’t help but look forward to their long awaited and well deserved HEA!
While I loved this book I would definitely advise that you check the trigger warning before reading.
This honest review was given in exchange for an ARC
Khalil and Julian have known each other since childhood but it’s not until a corrupt mob boss gives them a job that sparks begin to fly. Filled with drama, trauma and an unlikely pairing. This story has so many feels!
I loved both these characters alone but together they were fire 🔥 🔥🔥
Julian, a highly skilled assassin known as the Nightingale, and Khalil the safe, stable accountant. But I found it was not Julien’s deadliness that was most interesting but rather his path to redemption through his love for Khalil.
And it was Kahlil’s skittishness towards Julian despite or maybe because of his love for him that made me adore him. This odd couple’s journey through the depths of depravity and the side characters that supported them made me cheer as the baddies received their violent ends. Watching this couple build trust with each other made me root for them. For a love like theirs to survive so much drama and darkly rooted trauma you can’t help but look forward to their long awaited and well deserved HEA!
While I loved this book I would definitely advise that you check the trigger warning before reading.
This honest review was given in exchange for an ARC
September 20, 2022
4.5 stars (almost 5 stars) mostly because I was a little confused at the beginning as to what was going on and who was who doing and saying what. However, once the story got going I didn't put it down until I finished it. Superb writing by author Lascarso.
This is a dark, violent, steamy and squeamish read without much let up. A vicious look at some of the abuses occurring within the Catholic church between priests and innocent children, and also the absolutely horrendous child trafficking going on in this country. I hope everyone who reads this book and then reads a short article in a newspaper about child trafficking and/or about "rescuing" victims of trafficking. Those poor souls "rescued" have a long, long road ahead of them and the abusers deserve every punishment we have available. Unfortunately many victims are not rescued, they are just thrown away.
I join several other reviewers who would like to have Julien and Kahlil's story continued. There is no mention of this at the end of this book, but hopefully Ms. Lascarso will tell us what happens in the future.
This is a dark, violent, steamy and squeamish read without much let up. A vicious look at some of the abuses occurring within the Catholic church between priests and innocent children, and also the absolutely horrendous child trafficking going on in this country. I hope everyone who reads this book and then reads a short article in a newspaper about child trafficking and/or about "rescuing" victims of trafficking. Those poor souls "rescued" have a long, long road ahead of them and the abusers deserve every punishment we have available. Unfortunately many victims are not rescued, they are just thrown away.
I join several other reviewers who would like to have Julien and Kahlil's story continued. There is no mention of this at the end of this book, but hopefully Ms. Lascarso will tell us what happens in the future.
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