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The Clean Daughter: A Cross-Continental Memoir
Library of Congress Great Reads Book 2025!
What People are Saying!
• The Star Tribune calls The Clean Daughter “Luminous” and “Complicated”.
• Deb Marquart calls it “Masterfully Written,” “Rich and complex.”
• Dr Jessie Voigts says, “The Clean Daughter is hands down, the best memoir and intercultural book I’ve ever read!”
• The National Association of Memoir Writers calls The Clean Daughter, “Brilliant and deeply moving.”
• Collegeville Institute says, “Kandel’s warmth and keen insights make this memoir unforgettable.”
“When Jill Kandel married Johan, a man from the Netherlands, she never imagined the influence her father-in-law, Izaak, would hold over her life. Beneath his calm demeanor and clerical garb, Izaak carried the wounds of growing up in Nazi- Occupied Holland. Childhood chaos led him to become a man who had all the answers. For everyone. Except himself.
Izaak decided to end his life - while still a primarily healthy man - using legalized euthanasia in the Netherlands. The long tumultuous relationship between daughter-in-law and father-in-law was over. But Kandel couldn’t move on. Ten years later, still exhausted by thoughts of Izaak, she returned to the Netherlands searching for understanding.
The Clean Daughter is a story about building family across cultural, linguistic, and geographical divides. The complicated ways families both destroy and heal one another underpin Kandel’s story of a family held together by tenacity, curiosity, and courage.”
What People are Saying!
• The Star Tribune calls The Clean Daughter “Luminous” and “Complicated”.
• Deb Marquart calls it “Masterfully Written,” “Rich and complex.”
• Dr Jessie Voigts says, “The Clean Daughter is hands down, the best memoir and intercultural book I’ve ever read!”
• The National Association of Memoir Writers calls The Clean Daughter, “Brilliant and deeply moving.”
• Collegeville Institute says, “Kandel’s warmth and keen insights make this memoir unforgettable.”
“When Jill Kandel married Johan, a man from the Netherlands, she never imagined the influence her father-in-law, Izaak, would hold over her life. Beneath his calm demeanor and clerical garb, Izaak carried the wounds of growing up in Nazi- Occupied Holland. Childhood chaos led him to become a man who had all the answers. For everyone. Except himself.
Izaak decided to end his life - while still a primarily healthy man - using legalized euthanasia in the Netherlands. The long tumultuous relationship between daughter-in-law and father-in-law was over. But Kandel couldn’t move on. Ten years later, still exhausted by thoughts of Izaak, she returned to the Netherlands searching for understanding.
The Clean Daughter is a story about building family across cultural, linguistic, and geographical divides. The complicated ways families both destroy and heal one another underpin Kandel’s story of a family held together by tenacity, curiosity, and courage.”
- GenresMemoir
341 pages, Hardcover
First published April 1, 2022
1 person is currently reading
74 people want to read
About the author
Jill Kandel
8 books30 followersJill Kandel grew up in North Dakota. She has lived and worked in Zambia, Indonesia, England, and in her husband's native Netherlands.
Her first memoir, "So Many Africas: Six Years in a Zambian Village," (Autumn House Press) won both the Autumn House Press Nonfiction Award and the Sarton Women's Literary Award.
Her second memoir, "The Clean Daughter: A Cross-Continental Memoir, NDSU Press, April 2022 was selected by the Library of Congress as a Great Reads Book 2025!
Her first memoir, "So Many Africas: Six Years in a Zambian Village," (Autumn House Press) won both the Autumn House Press Nonfiction Award and the Sarton Women's Literary Award.
Her second memoir, "The Clean Daughter: A Cross-Continental Memoir, NDSU Press, April 2022 was selected by the Library of Congress as a Great Reads Book 2025!
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
May 12, 2022
In her memoir The Clean Daughter, Jill Kandel takes her readers on a quest.
The book’s subtitle—“a Cross-Continental Memoir”—hints at a travel tale, but the main arc of this story is a quest of the heart.
When Kandel marries a man from the Netherlands, she finds herself in a prickly relationship with her father-in-law, Izaak. Years later, he ends his still vibrant-appearing life by means of euthanasia, an act that troubles Kandel deeply. She wants to understand why he chose that path, leaving so many loose ends in his wake.
Kandel carries her questions on the road with her, exploring them not only against the backdrop of different places and cultures but different times. We visit her horse-riding childhood in North Dakota; Izaak’s World War II-era childhood in the Netherlands; her early married years in Zambia, Indonesia and England; Izaak’s young adulthood wooing his future wife; Kandel’s children’s childhoods; and her research trips to learn more about World War II.
The storylines are shuffled, their order reflecting her puzzlement. As she learns more about Izaak, his experience of the war and its long-lasting impacts, we watch as pieces of the mystery surrounding their strained relationship and Izaak’s choices—and gifts—begin to fall into place.
By the end of this thoughtful, lyrical read, we join Kandel in making a sort of peace with Izaak.
And we see that sometimes achieving such peace requires taking the brave path and asking the difficult questions.
The book’s subtitle—“a Cross-Continental Memoir”—hints at a travel tale, but the main arc of this story is a quest of the heart.
When Kandel marries a man from the Netherlands, she finds herself in a prickly relationship with her father-in-law, Izaak. Years later, he ends his still vibrant-appearing life by means of euthanasia, an act that troubles Kandel deeply. She wants to understand why he chose that path, leaving so many loose ends in his wake.
Kandel carries her questions on the road with her, exploring them not only against the backdrop of different places and cultures but different times. We visit her horse-riding childhood in North Dakota; Izaak’s World War II-era childhood in the Netherlands; her early married years in Zambia, Indonesia and England; Izaak’s young adulthood wooing his future wife; Kandel’s children’s childhoods; and her research trips to learn more about World War II.
The storylines are shuffled, their order reflecting her puzzlement. As she learns more about Izaak, his experience of the war and its long-lasting impacts, we watch as pieces of the mystery surrounding their strained relationship and Izaak’s choices—and gifts—begin to fall into place.
By the end of this thoughtful, lyrical read, we join Kandel in making a sort of peace with Izaak.
And we see that sometimes achieving such peace requires taking the brave path and asking the difficult questions.
April 1, 2022
You will not see your family story in quite the same way after reading Jill Kandel's remarkable memoir , The Clean Daughter. This book affected me deeply.
As she described her relationship with her taciturn father-in-law, I found myself reevaluating my own challenging relationship with a now-deceased member of my extended family. Her words were a revelation to me: "You were so afraid of brokenness; it broke you more. Until you were nothing but fractured fear, glued together with stubborn pride. Together they destroyed you."
In fact, there were many such lines that hit me with that kind of power as I leaned into Kandel's beautiful, lyrical writing, allowing it to illumine my own experience. Her story shone a light on the gifts of her own unexpected journey, as well as the ways in which her immovable, impenetrable father-in-law's behavior shadowed her family. The weight of his choice to end his own life, and the 70 x 7 process of forgiving and relinquishing not only what was, but what you may have once hoped would be in the relationship, were profoundly meaningful reading. I had the pleasure of reading an advance copy of this manuscript, and find myself still thinking about the story weeks later. That is the mark of excellent writing, and an unforgettable and important story.
As she described her relationship with her taciturn father-in-law, I found myself reevaluating my own challenging relationship with a now-deceased member of my extended family. Her words were a revelation to me: "You were so afraid of brokenness; it broke you more. Until you were nothing but fractured fear, glued together with stubborn pride. Together they destroyed you."
In fact, there were many such lines that hit me with that kind of power as I leaned into Kandel's beautiful, lyrical writing, allowing it to illumine my own experience. Her story shone a light on the gifts of her own unexpected journey, as well as the ways in which her immovable, impenetrable father-in-law's behavior shadowed her family. The weight of his choice to end his own life, and the 70 x 7 process of forgiving and relinquishing not only what was, but what you may have once hoped would be in the relationship, were profoundly meaningful reading. I had the pleasure of reading an advance copy of this manuscript, and find myself still thinking about the story weeks later. That is the mark of excellent writing, and an unforgettable and important story.
May 1, 2022
I read this book in two mornings. Her experiences from several times frames in her life all pull together and move smoothly, as she examines the choice her Father in law makes and the lasting impact on her life and soul.
She pulls us in to each step and stage of her life and research. Revealing the history of the Dutch WWII experience for one man. As well as life in small town ND, and other parts of the world she lived in. Each part as interesting as the last.
I'm thankful she wrote this a memoir, with her rich experiences, research and thoughtful self examination. And it defiantly is not a book I would throw against the wall. ( please read this book and you will see what I mean)
She pulls us in to each step and stage of her life and research. Revealing the history of the Dutch WWII experience for one man. As well as life in small town ND, and other parts of the world she lived in. Each part as interesting as the last.
I'm thankful she wrote this a memoir, with her rich experiences, research and thoughtful self examination. And it defiantly is not a book I would throw against the wall. ( please read this book and you will see what I mean)
April 19, 2022
Family relationships can be complicated. Add the dimensions of a cross-cultural marriage and the impact of a heinous war and the potential for conflict and misunderstanding only grows. Author Jill Kandel speaks honestly and yet with compassion about her difficult relationship with her Dutch father-in-law. A clergy whose life is bound by rules and expectations stuns his family when he chooses to take advantage of The Netherlands' legalization of euthanasia. As Izaak sets the date to end his life it appears he has no regard for how his decision might impact his family. His "clean daughter" (the Dutch translation for daughter-in-law) wrestles with Izaak's decision for a decade. In the end she know she must write about it.
Kandel's beautiful, painful, lyrical memoir continues to bring us into the cross-cultural life she and her husband Johan have embraced. The Clean Daughter picks up the threads of Kandel's first memoir, So Many Africas: Six Years in a Zambian village. As in that memoir, Kandel's vulnerability and transparency invite the reader to step into her shoes to experience a life few of us can fully understand.
As I finished my advance reader copy of The Clean Daughter, I knew I would carry Kandel's stunning story, and her unique story-telling style, with me long after I turned the last page. Highly recommended.
Kandel's beautiful, painful, lyrical memoir continues to bring us into the cross-cultural life she and her husband Johan have embraced. The Clean Daughter picks up the threads of Kandel's first memoir, So Many Africas: Six Years in a Zambian village. As in that memoir, Kandel's vulnerability and transparency invite the reader to step into her shoes to experience a life few of us can fully understand.
As I finished my advance reader copy of The Clean Daughter, I knew I would carry Kandel's stunning story, and her unique story-telling style, with me long after I turned the last page. Highly recommended.
April 19, 2022
The Clean Daughter is a book that will make you grateful for relationships, even the complicated ones. Kandel's book is the story of her intercultural marriage, and her father-in-law's decision to die by euthanasia. It is a heavy story but the vivid, poignant and even loving storytelling transform a brutal circumstance into an aching and beautiful memoir. I read The Clean Daughter for the story (and the storytelling is stunning!) but I came away with a deeper love for the people in my life, and dedication to see past what is broken in them to what is whole.
June 27, 2022
A fascinating memoir about history and vexing relationships and euthanasia and family.
I will be thinking about this one for a long time.
I will be thinking about this one for a long time.
August 22, 2022
Kandel marries a man from the Netherlands and with him travels the world while raising a family, mostly happy experiences except for Kandel’s rankling relationship with her rigid, controlling father-in-law. But it’s his decision to end his otherwise healthy life by means of legalized euthanasia that causes Kandel to ask: who was this man, and why did he choose to die? Kandel takes her readers across continents and into her heart.
June 7, 2022
One of the best things about reading memoir is the opportunity to discover and learn from life stories. How would we act in a similar situation? What can we take away when learning from these lives?
Such is the case with an extraordinary new memoir by author Jill Kandel.
The Clean Daughter is a deeply interesting, intercultural, extremely thoughtful dive into a cross-cultural marriage and family, and how tangled cultures can be when juxtaposed. Any marriage is complicated, but one where two people grew up speaking different languages and abiding by different cultural codes presents unique challenges. Insert a demanding father-in-law – a healthy man who inexplicably decides to end his life by means of legalized euthanasia – and all the divergent, customs, laws, and rules seem insurmountable.
Highly, highly recommended.
Read our author interview here:
http://www.wanderingeducators.com/int...
Such is the case with an extraordinary new memoir by author Jill Kandel.
The Clean Daughter is a deeply interesting, intercultural, extremely thoughtful dive into a cross-cultural marriage and family, and how tangled cultures can be when juxtaposed. Any marriage is complicated, but one where two people grew up speaking different languages and abiding by different cultural codes presents unique challenges. Insert a demanding father-in-law – a healthy man who inexplicably decides to end his life by means of legalized euthanasia – and all the divergent, customs, laws, and rules seem insurmountable.
Highly, highly recommended.
Read our author interview here:
http://www.wanderingeducators.com/int...
July 18, 2022
As a native North Dakotan, I was first drawn to this book for that reason, as many of the locations mentioned were familiar to me. Additionally, the author’s father was one of my family doctors while growing up, so that was an added bonus! As I delved deeper into the book, I found myself spellbound while learning about the Netherlands—customs, traditions, its involvement in WW2 and how that shaped the author’s FIL and, thus, her relationship with him. I found myself enraptured with the book and unable to put it down.
May 6, 2022
This is a beautifully written memoir. It highlights the challenges of marrying into a family from another country and culture with humor and grace. It was very enlightening to learn what it was like in the Netherlands during World War II, especially for the author's father-in-law. Understanding his experiences during the war helped the author understand this man and the sometimes difficult relationship she had with him. This is a sweet and haunting story of a family.
April 13, 2025
This memoir takes you into a young bride's life and conveys her difficulties living abroad and adapting to new cultures as her Dutch husband works internationally with farmers. Her struggle with the euthanasia of her father-in-law pulls at the heart strings and also displays the strength of her marriage.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 14, 2022
This is a fascinating account of the author's married life and specifically her relationship with her father-in-law. It's heart-wrenching and uncomfortable at times. It reminded me to not be judgemental of people's choices. 4.5 stars because I think it could have been slightly shorter.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews