Unattached: Empowering Essays on Singlehood

by Angelica Malin

Powerful. Self-assured. Independent. Unattached.Thirty women, from Megan Barton-Hanson and Shaparak Khorsandi to Shon Faye and Stephanie Yeboah write on what single womanhood in the modern age means to them.Have you ever worried about going on holiday alone?Felt queasy at the thought of Valentine's Day without a date?Thought to yourself, "I want what she has?"This book is the tonic you need.ANGELICA MALIN - MEGAN BARTON HANSON - ANNIE LORD - STEPHANIE YEBOAH - SHAPARAK KHORSANDI - POORNA BELL - CHARLIE CRAGGS - REBECCA REID - ASHLEY JAMES - CHANTÉ JOSEPH - ROSIE WILBY - SALMA EL-WARDANY - NATALIE BYRNE - SHON FAYE - VENUS LIBIDO - JESSICA MORGAN - FRANCESCA SPECTER - SHANI SILVER - RACHEL THOMPSON - BELLA DEPAULO - MIA LEVITIN - FELICITY MORSE - KETAKI CHOWKHANI - LUCIE BROWNLEE - CHLOE PIERRE - SOPHIA MONEY-COUTTS - NICOLA SLAWSON - RAHEL AKLILU - SOPHIA LEONIE - ROSE STOKES - MADELEINE SPENCERCurated by journalist and author Angelica Malin, Unattached explores the nuances of being single today through the voices of thirty women; with personal essays reflecting both the unique challenges (hello, going to a wedding alone), and the glorious benefits (goodbye, joint bank account).Unattached shines a light on brilliant women stepping into their power, owning being alone, and reveals the true depth of female potential when we choose to go against what society expects of us and revel in our own strength.

Genres: Nonfiction, Essays, Feminism, Audiobook, Love

166 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 3, 2022

Reviews

[Connor Girvan · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 /5 stars

Actually expected to enjoy this book much more than I actually did. I thought the book was supposed to speak about the joys of singlehood but the overwhelming message I got instead was how bad relationships were? I wonder about their definition of a relationship because many of the aspects they quote as wonderful about being single (being able to travel, work meaningfully, etc) should still be features of a healthy functioning relationship - I understand that you might become complacent and these fall to the side but the beginning of the book makes these things seem mutually exclusive.

The beginning of the book basically just shat all over anyone in a relationship - some chapters included throwaway lines that attempted to say 'we're not saying relationships are bad but...' whereas the rest of the chapter basically drags relationship.

The introduction has a brief anecdote about how if someone told the author 'I believe in you', the author would reply 'that's sweet, but I don't need you to believe in me, because I believe in me.' I mean if that's not insufferable what is? I get believing in yourself and not requiring external validation but what's wrong with someone having faith in you? That's not even an explicitly romantic/sexual comment? I fail to see how this was supposed to be some positive response, bizarre behaviour.

After the rotten introduction and some bad beginnings, the chapters begin to explore more things like grief, platonic/familial relationships and the feeling of being left behind socially (amongst other things). These were much more welcome and were much more in the spirit of the book I imagined/wanted. I think singlehood shouldn't require you to cut off all and any relationships with any other human being but instead, should allow you to re-evaluate your priorities and give space for other relationships that aren't sexual/romantic.

My favourite chapters were written by: Chanté Joseph, Charlie Craggs, Francesca Specter, Jessica Morgan, Natalie Byrne, Poorna Bell, Rebecca Reid, Sophia Leonie, and Shon Faye. There were many others I enjoyed (especially after the awful beginning) but these were my personal favourites.

Enjoyed the below two quotes:
"At some point we all have to walk into a party or restaurant alone. Otherwise, we will all be willing to walk in with ANYBODY (or worse, walk out with anybody). We have to learn how to endure our own company and hold our heads high. And sometimes, after enough time alone, we might even learn to enjoy ourselves." - Elizabeth Gilbert

"Perhaps robbing someone of his or her story is the greatest betrayal of all," - Anna Fels [discussing cheating/lying in a relationship].

[Clarissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

30 empowering essays penned from a diverse range of voices belonging to 30 game-changing women reclaiming and redefining what single is and can be while shedding traditional labels/stereotypes.

This isn’t a book that bashes relationships at all but one that just harnesses how being single can be fundamentally important in discovering who you are, what you want, and what you want to do rather than too easily stepping into the passenger seat of your own life. We are instantly marketable and more catered to by society when we couple up which can leave anyone who chooses to be single or for anyone who reverts back to single status for a number of reasons feeling left out in the cold as if they do not fit. This, of course, is an extremely distorted world view.

Validation does not come from another person choosing you when you’re already everything as an individual vessel on its own (even if you’re a work in progress!) ✨💜

My favourite essays from this are as follows:
Writing Your Own Story by Felicity Morse
For Every Woman Who’s Ever Been Told She’s the Problem - It’s Not You - Francesca Specter
Finding Yourself + Amor Fati by Natalie Byrne
Soulmates by Poorna Bell
A Single Woman Is the Closest Living Thing to a Goddess by Salma El-Wardany
Stepping Off the Rollercoaster by Shaparak Khorsandi
Why All Women Derserve to Experience Being Single in Their Thirties by Sophie Leonie

[Eliza Bell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Probs a 2.5

Some of the essays are good but a lot are extraordinarily condescending. The content is far from groundbreaking e.g. make sure you still do things by yourself even if you have a partner(?)

Seems to lack any acknowledgment that growth can also happen IN a relationship.

[Nidhi Jolly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoy reading feminist writings and the sub genre of women who live alone (by choice or circumstance). Its amazing to me how such a huge demographic is never really viewed for what they are; strong, successful women not defined by their relationship status. In a world which is built for couples and incentivizes or scares people (particularly women) before 30/35 or else, its easy to forget that other people don't really get to have a say in your choices.
Some of the reviews of the book called out it pulls down relationships. I didn't really feel that way but also 90% of literature, culture and the world around us glamorizes relationships (never accounting for or calling out that 50% of them fail every year). With that in mind I am ok for books with an alternate point of view that your relationship status does not define you as a person, that life has its ups and downs for everyone and that you can navigate through it all with much more grace & resilience than you think. Recommended read and I suggest adding books by Sara Eckert to the list

[Elmi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hmm, yeah, it's a good reminder to enjoy a single life. Many essays are borderline cringe, where people are reminding themselves why they are single and should want to be single. This is for a specific target audience. I’ve been single for most of my life, so for me, it is what it is. Although I would love to meet the right person and be in a relationship, I know that my high standards of what love in a partnership looks like are quite challenging to find; I'm mostly happy with waiting for something specific (a specific feeling). So, if you struggle with being single, then this book is for you.

[Jo Hawkins · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think I bought this book in 2021/22 and have taken several attempts to pick it up over the past few years. Not really sure why - maybe I couldn’t face the topic at times. However, very pleasant musings to consider and some very helpful ways to reframe any negative thought processes that inevitably crop up on occasion. My favourite take away was the idea that the real ‘break up’ is the breaking up with your single self when beginning a new relationship. Interesting!

[Jasmine Walter · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this to be quite a disappointing read, however there were definitely some moments of greatness. A few of the essays stood out to me for their good writing, and I liked the diversity of voices included. The themes of family, grief, bereavement, LGBT+ issues and body image were particularly insightful. However, I think the book fell flat because it was incredibly repetitive and seemed to churn out the general mantra again and again: being single is good. You find yourself when you’re single. You learn to love and cherish yourself only when you’re single. Relationship = bad. I mean come on?!? There’s only so many times you can read about someone discovering the intrinsic Truths of singlehood and bettering themselves because they are no longer codependent. I get it, to an extent. But being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re tethered and unable to think for yourself/have any ounce of independence. You can certainly grow and flourish alongside someone else. I think multiple perspectives needed to be considered in order for this to come across as less preachy and condescending. But as I said, some of the essays were actually brilliant and offered valuable insight.

Also to be fair I really do think this book would help someone who is freshly single, devastated by it and in need of reassurance and inspiration. Perhaps I was just not the correct target audience for this.

[Heather Gibson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was excited to read this book after deciding to take some time to myself and ditch the dating apps. The essays are short and easy to read. A lot of them centre around what the women learned after leaving a long term relationship and being single but there are essays on egg-freezing, masturbation, friendships, body image and LGBTQIA+ experiences. I would say that the over arching message is about the freedom and love you can find in spending time without a romantic partner and there is certainly a lot to be said about that sentiment.

It’s an easy read. Sometimes it feels repetitive as the essays all have a similar message albeit tackled from a different vantage point but I think it is a good book to read and re-visit if you do find yourself single and questioning your value as a result.

[Millie · Rating 3 out of 5]

As much as I enjoyed this book I just really wanted more from the perspective of the single queer woman! About how lesbians and other wlw navigate singlehood in a heteropatriarcal society!

I found a LOT of the concerns of the essayists in this book were regarding the stress of “finding a man to settle down with and have children with by my mid thirties” and this is just not my experience, so I found it hard to relate

The few essays from queer women were invaluable, and I loved the discussions about other types of love being elevated over romantic love.

Would LOVE some more queer perspectives

[Amber Rhodes · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wasn’t sure what I’d think of this book from the offset as a woman currently in a relationship, but this book progressed through essays covering topics such as: neurodivergency and singlehood to becoming single in the wake of loss, this book was really something.

A fantastic collection of essays from a range of women, with each account offering a unique and insightful perspective. All about womanhood and singledom and everything that comes with that.

[Philippa Ruddlesdin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Eh I wanted to like this book so much but it was just so disappointing. I thought it would be about women going through situations as a single, what it actually is - is women’s crash breakup stories and how they ended up happily ever after back and in a couple again anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just feel like the point of the book was completely missed?

[Naridhi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a girl was born. She grew up beautiful and sweet, met a charming man, got married and then we never heard about her again because she was no longer relevant or useful to society. The husband lived Happily Ever After and she lived a life of housework, child-rearing and turning herself inside and out to be the perfect wife and mother, which is to say, she lived Exhausted Ever After.
The first part of that story is the one we spoon-feed to girls the minute they pop out of the womb, swaddling them in pink Babygros while telling them that one day their prince will come for them. If it’s not Disney peddling that story, it’s some auntie down the local mosque/church/synagogue reinforcing it by continuously asking young women when they’re going to get married.
The second part of that story is the one we don’t tell. That’s why all the fairy tales and rom-coms end when they get married; if the story were to continue, perhaps we wouldn’t be able to get women down the aisle in the first place. Because it’s a truth universally acknowledged by all women that men, marriage and motherhood is an absolutely exhausting, draining and tiring endeavour. But we don’t talk about that. The realities of maintaining a relationship, household and family are still brushed under the carpet and hidden behind closed doors while we continue to tell women that coupling up with a man is the only way to live.
It’s a tale I bought into myself, despite my feminist protestations.


Like many of us, I learned before I entered my teens that my function as a female was to be attractive to men. Immediately after I began to develop, aged twelve, boys – and, more often, adult men – would harass me in public: coming home from school; on the bus; shopping. By my mid-teens I learned that this attention was a test. You failed if you seemed too keen (that is, you were ‘easy’ and unsuitable for ‘wifeying’). You failed if you were too ‘stush’ (that is, you dared to reject and thus emasculate them).


That somewhere along the way you lost sight of yourself, in your quest for ‘the one’. That you’ve devalued your affections through frittering them away on people who never even asked for them, giving away your diamonds for free, handing them out on the street, forgetting that no one can value you more than you value yourself, right this moment.


‘Significant Other’, ‘Life Partner’, Soul Mate’, which render you incomplete, by implication.
It’s not you. It’s falling back on the same, tattered archetypes – the Bridget Joneses, the Carrie Bradshaws – because twenty years on we have no better role models for being single.
It’s not you. And maybe it’s not them, either.
It’s not you – it’s the generations of women who came before you, who were never shown a roadmap for being happily single and so try to ‘save you’ in the only way they know how to be saved.


As women, we are told to believe that only a man can provide us with deep connections that make us whole and, as a result, many of us are set up to fail. Men enter relationships as if they’re working at a job they hate, reaping as many benefits as possible while doing the absolute least. Capitalism ruins the sanctity of interpersonal relationships by making them a resource to exploit instead of a space to re-energise and be nurtured.





When someone views you as an object instead of a human with emotional needs, it becomes easy for them to detach from the harm caused.


By relegating friendship as inferior to romantic relationships, both men and women are duped out of balanced lives where multiple people can meet their various needs.
We need to start finding the intimacy and romance within our platonic friendships;


I’m sharing this story because it’s stuck in my memory, and I always think stories that stick still have secrets to reveal. And also because, for me, it seems to encapsulate that it often doesn’t matter how smart you are, how well resourced you are, how privileged your birth or bright-looking your future, the question of ‘Who will I marry, to live out my happy-ever-after?’ seems to take precedence.
Don’t get me wrong: there’s nothing wrong with that story, as long as you are sure it’s yours. That you chose it, knowing you have other choices that are just as valid. There’s nothing wrong with that story as long as it’s not an exit plan. As long as you don’t think that when you’re living that story, all your problems will disappear. As long as you’re not waiting for someone to rescue you from your own life.
Because I was. I didn’t realise that some part of me had entwined my validity as a woman with being in a relationship, until I hit my late twenties and things felt off. It


In male-dominated societies, women are often blocked from owning things. Denied even their own inheritance. But ownership is power. The right to own our inheritance and to choose what we pass on or don’t pass on – that’s a story that is not only important for me, but for who comes after me. And so I write my story for myself, but I write it for the woman who reads it, too.

[Sue · Rating 2 out of 5]

I do like the cover and the binding. It feels good in my hands. But I seriously did not enjoy the contents of this book. It comes across as one young woman after another touting the joys of being single. Relationships just screw up your life. I love me, me, me and don’t need anybody else. It is to relationships what the childfree movement is to motherhood. I was looking for something on the challenges of being alone, but this book does not offer that. Most of the essays are quite similar: had a relationship, broke up, found myself. The exception is the final essay, which is about the joys of masturbation. For those who feel they will wither away without a partner, this book may offer some wisdom, but it’s not for me.

[my bookworm life · Rating 3 out of 5]

📖 new review.

[pr review copy]

This was a really interesting and enjoyable read, a collection of essays all on the subject of being single. Through various situations these women talk about their experiences and viewpoints on single life, the ups and downs. There were so many parts that had me nodding along in agreement, smiling at the shared thoughts and feelings, and just generally all the way through I had such a nice time reading this.

It was funny, heartfelt,uplifting and just like a comforting little hug really. If you enjoyed ‘Conversations on love’ which came out last year then I think you’d enjoy this one too, of a similar vibe but just different subject matter.

Perfect in time for Valentines if you are either happily single, or someone who is finding it hard with your new single situation.

Thank you @squarepegbooks.

🎉 Out now.

[Joëlle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed!!! Some fantastic thought provoking essays that made me feel !!!SEEN!!! and also made me have to pause and take time to reflect on my own relationships and how I think about them! Some of the messages of the essays felt slightly repetitive and were far from ground breaking however I would still recommend. I enjoyed it for how it touched on deconstructing heteronormative relationships/expectations as well as this weird obsession society has with romantic relationships!! Validate platonic relationships amen !!! But also yes we already know being single is great

[Kira · Rating 4 out of 5]

At first, I was drawn in by the cover of this book but upon reading the blurb and contemplating society’s idea of ‘singlehood’ I was hesitant to pick it up. Would this be another #GirlBoss-esque movement? For a subject matter so close to my heart, I wanted this to delve deeper than this idea of performatism lifestyle, I wanted this to dissect society’s obsession with coupling and marriage and heteronormativity until it was sliced and cut past recognisability.

Thankfully, this is exactly what this anthology does. As always, with such a wide theme that traverses a whole scope of different narratives and experiences, I was grateful that this was a collection of essays that encompassed a vast range of voices. Some essays resonated with me more than others but I enjoyed it as a whole nonetheless.

An incredible read that does a fantastic job at not only looking at what it’s like to be single in today’s society but also what it means to WANT to be single - and perhaps live your entire life as a singleton. Wildly insightful, refreshing and reassuring.

[Fadhlan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book, in itself is a healing experience. This book explores the taboo in our society, that being single is not a sign of unsuccessfulness and pity. This book greatly celebrates and affirm the idea of singlehood. As a Man, however, I find it hard to relate, because all of the essays written in this book is specifically targeted towards Woman. I, personally, am okay with that. But this might be an interesting info for male readers out there looking to pick up this book.

[Narjis · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was interesting reading about other womens experinces and stories, Even though i could not relate to many of the stories.
I also think it got very repetitive in some way, and I did not enjoy every story.
Many of the stories was similar and started with i had a bad break up decided to take a break from dating , to explore the world and "find My self" then after a period of time i found the one, got married and had kids.
Which for me defeat the purpose of the book been about singlehood.

[Katie Cat Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nonfiction. Women. Singlehood.

A series of essays about women being single.

Some are retrospective from women now married or in relationships, others are from women not interested in having a partner.

A diverse collection across race, gender sexuality and career.

Some essays didn't apply to me and others were exactly what I was looking for. Overall good.

[The Feminist Book Club CIC]

Great read! The Book Club discussion covered themes from lockdown relationships, how being single can be the most liberating thing, the importance of female friendships, and the joy that comes from having a partner. No matter what phase you are in in your romantic life, EVERYBODY should read this book!

[Hannah Peck · Rating 3 out of 5]

A real mixed bag. High points included Shon Faye and Salma El-Wardany, lowest point was a paragraph on how horrifying visiting the m&s at a train station is when you’re single because ‘who is going to hold your ticket while you buy snacks!’

[Russhelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was ok. I only slipped maybe one or two essays but it was great hearing women say the same thing I do sometimes and understanding how it is when people talk to you and your middle aged and single.

[Kate Burgess · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read it if you’re single. Read it if you’re in a relationship. Just read it.

[Amelo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interessant!

[Megan Blee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this. I think it’s a must read for any woman (they’re mostly aimed at women)- what an empowering read!

[Momina · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Sophie Gillard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent.

[Eleanor · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Su]

3.5/5

Standouts: Bella DePaulo, Chanté Joseph, Felicity Morse, Ketaki Chowkhani, Natalie Byrne, Nicola Lawson, Poorna Bell, Rachel Thompson, Rahel Aklilu, Salma El-Wardany, Shani Silver