The Truth About Lying: Teaching Honesty to Children at Every Age and Stage

by Victoria Talwar

All children lie. But when your child lies to you, it can feel like a personal betrayal.   Backed by years of psychological research, this common-sense, practical guide reveals which parenting strategies promote truthfulness in children—and which ones don’t. National Parenting Product Award Winner, 2023​    Lying is a healthy and inevitable part of child development. But when do lies become a problem? In this book, psychologist Victoria Talwar, Director of the Talwar Child Development Lab at McGill University, presents practical, science-based strategies to address lying and foster truthfulness in children, from early childhood to the teenage years. 
 
Kids need to learn what honesty looks like in different social situations, and also how to tell the truth in ways that do not hurt others’ feelings—a complicated task! Parents and caregivers will learn how to use stories and examples to have proactive conversations with children about honesty, and how to model honest behavior for children. Talwar shows readers how to respond effectively when a child lies (as they inevitably will). Backed by years of psychological research, this common-sense, practical guide reveals which parenting strategies promote truthfulness in children—and which ones don’t.   
 

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

287 pages, Paperback

First published June 19, 2022

Reviews

[Neeta Soni · Rating 5 out of 5]

Comprehensive and accessible, this book is loaded with research based insights on the topic. Most importantly, it provides very clear, actionable tools and skills for parents (and anyone working with kids) on this topic. The added bonus is many of the principals and guidelines can be applied broadly to parenting. Addressing topics such as supporting character development, how to encourage communications and so much more. I highly recommend this book to all parents - it will surely become a handbook you refer to time and again.

[Mallory Franco · Rating 4 out of 5]

*3.5 stars*
Helpful perspective exploring developmental causes of lying in children of all ages, and facilitating an understanding of the importance of exploring the root cause of a lie, gentle parenting to problem solve dishonesty, and tips to develop children emotionally to avoid lying behaviors and help kids to grow from external emotional regulation (adults telling them what to do) towards development of internal regulation (growing sense of standards to govern behavior).

[Evita · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book provided assurance that occasional lying is part of normal kids’ development. Some experiments were interesting, like what type of children books encouraged honesty vs lying, i.e. only when truthfulness was praised in a story, afterwards most kids didn’t lie, unlike when story included negative consequences such as Pinokio nose :) Otherwise the book seemed too long / repetitive on known concepts of secure attachment, role modelling and obvious examples on teaching honesty.

[Issac Silberstein · Rating 4 out of 5]

Best book on the topic to date. Comprehensive and readable. The one glaring omission was any discussion of autistic children and lying behavior.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating, really changes how you think about kids' lying and how to respond to it. Lots of very practical examples! I wish I had read this when my kids were young...

[Katrisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was well researched and is a great resource for anyone who works with children or adolescents or for parents. Talwar lays out a realistic vision of what honesty looks like in both the adult world and how children's sense of honesty develops. She lays out the child development milestones as they relate to lying and honesty and gives practical advice for developmentally appropriate ways to encourage honest as well as dealing with problems that arise.
As a teacher I definitely got some useful information from this book about how to productively deal with dishonesty.
Thank you to Netgalley for providing me with a copy of this book.