Forgive: Why Should I and How Can I?

by Timothy J. Keller

Pastor and New York Times bestselling author Timothy Keller outlines the reasons why forgiveness has to be a central part of everyone’s lives.

Forgiving anyone in a meaningful way is one of the hardest things a person has to do. If you do not, resentment and vengeance begin to consume you. It is nearly impossible to move past transgression without forgiveness, but few people have the resources and the tools to forgive others fully and move on with their lives. Forgiveness is an essential skill, a moral imperative, and a religious belief that cuts right to the core of what it means to be human. In Forgive , Timothy Keller shows readers why it is so important and how to do it, explaining in detail the steps you need to take in order to move on without sacrificing justice or your humanity.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Theology, Faith, Christianity, Religion

250 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2022

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Timothy Keller was the founding pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Manhattan, which he started in 1989 with his wife, Kathy, and three young sons. For over twenty years he has led a diverse congregation of young professionals that has grown to a weekly attendance of over 5,000.

He was also Chairman of Redeemer City to City, which starts new churches in New York and other global cities, and publishes books and resources for faith in an urban culture. In over ten years they have helped to launch over 250 churches in 48 cities. More recently, Dr. Keller’s books, including the New York Times bestselling The Reason for God and The Prodigal God, have sold over 1 million copies and been translated into 15 languages.

Christianity Today has said, “Fifty years from now, if evangelical Christians are widely known for their love of cities, their commitment to mercy and justice, and their love of their neighbors, Tim Keller will be remembered as a pioneer of the new urban Christians.”

Dr. Keller was born and raised in Pennsylvania, and educated at Bucknell University, Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, and Westminster Theological Seminary. He previously served as the pastor of West Hopewell Presbyterian Church in Hopewell, Virginia, Associate Professor of Practical Theology at Westminster Theological Seminary, and Director of Mercy Ministries for the Presbyterian Church in America.

Reviews

[Barnabas Piper · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was slow to pick up this book for a couple reasons. First, out of arrogance, I kind of thought I knew the ins and outs of forgiveness from a biblical perspective. Second, out of cowardice, I didn't want to accidentally encounter something convicting. Turns out I was wrong on the first point and right on the second. In the same clear, reasonable, articulate, and eminently wise manner that he did in so many other books and sermons Tim Keller lays open the heart of forgiveness--both the need to receive it and to give it, and of course the means provided for both through the gospel of Jesus Christ. And the conviction I have felt reading this book is due to the richness of the truth it offers, not the tone or aggression of the writing. So it has been encouraging conviction, refreshing conviction, the kind that draws my heart deeper into truths I already believe but about which I have lost amazement. It is not a long or heavy book, and it is a gift to the reader.

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5. This book is a timely word in a day when “everything is permitted but nothing is forgiven.” Chapter 10 alone, on granting forgiveness, is worth the price of the book. And the appendices are practically a forgiveness-and-reconciliation manual.

[Mollie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book dusted off cobwebs in my heart that I did not even realize needed dusting in the first place

[Grant Carter]

Heard someone say this book is "disruptive" and I can't agree more. This might be Keller's best work.

[Jon Pentecost · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful book.
Written so clearly that you get his main idea and his road map all in the first few pages. Keller captures the ideas and the sentiments behind modern objections to the idea of forgiveness, and then shows how Christ's way is so much better--intellectually, existentially, experientially. This is Keller shining at what he did so well--expositing the culture and showing its own weaknesses to itself, and then showing the goodness of the good news of Jesus Christ.

Keller at maybe the pinnacle of his writing. Recommend to all who have ever asked the question in the title of the book.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

The entire book is excellent, and the appendices are the icing on the cake!

[Lydia Guetzko · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was literally amazing! This will be so high on my recommendation list. It may be his best book ever, and I recommend “The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness” to literally everyone. I wish I could give more than five stars.

[Abbie Linxwiler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. I haven’t read much on the topic, so this book has changed so much of my thinking on how I extend and receive forgiveness. I especially appreciated the parts on internal forgiveness & our spiritual wealth.

[Josh Worden · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you don't like this book I will never forgive you

[Hiram · Rating 5 out of 5]

Keller was great as usual. I found this book more practical and exegetical than some things I’ve read from him. As always read the footnotes and don’t skip the appendix sections at the end; they’re worth the price of the book.

[David Clouse · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been listening to Tim Keller a lot recently and when I found out that this book was coming out, I was really excited to read it. Keller does a good job explaining the history of forgiveness and then practically why it's important and how to do it CORRECTLY through a Scriptural lens. The back contains even more practicality and I really really enjoyed his description of Forgiveness, how to do it, and why it's so important to everyone. My wife and I sat up last night just talking about highlights that I made for around two hours and it was only half a chapter so it’s great material for talking to others about as well!
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Round 2: Coming back to this book two years later or so and it's still great. I read it again as a book club with my wife and mom. What we found was that there are some sections that are definitely a bit more generic and not as applicable to egregious sins. While the practice of forgiveness is still 100% always needed, Keller spends a bit less time on what reconciliation might look like or not look like. Overall it's still a 5 star in my book and a great way to dive into the importance of forgiveness as a whole.

[Tracy Adair · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to the audiobook, but have ordered a copy for the shelf to return to/lend out.

This book was a helpful reminder of the extent of forgiveness I've received and full of wisdom on what it looks like to enact forgiveness towards others. Both encouraging and challenging, with lots to continue mulling over. I would highly recommend reading it.

The missing star was because I wasn't particularly engaged by the cultural history of forgiveness at the beginning, but others might find that useful too.

[Annie Harper · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could not recommend this book more - it’s hands down one of the best Christian books I’ve read! While it took me a while to get through, it was only because each page was brimming with biblical wisdom. TK doesn’t shy away from the complexities of forgiveness within the church, but rather confronts them head on, challenging Christians to approach forgiveness with humility in light of the grace we’ve been shown. More than happy to lend this one out!😊

[Rachel {bibliopals} · Rating 5 out of 5]

The beginning is an in depth look to the biblical history of forgiveness and how it has morphed through the years. The second half is more application of why and how to forgive. Many things (some hard to swallow) are well said and explained.

[Ryn Conley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Undoubtedly the best book I have read this year, if not much longer. Will perpetually be influencing my thinking and ways of life, and I hope to reread it on a regular basis. Keller gives a picture of what models of forgiveness exist in our modern thinking and how they serve to disillusion us as to the true hope of forgiveness. He also provides a history of the concept of mercy at the cost of the one forgiving and explains the essential nature of the gospel—the very basis and original matter for forgiveness. In light of that, he leads you in very practical ways to reject false forms of forgiveness or bitterness and encourages us to do the difficult work of “voluntarily taking on suffering in order to make up the debt of the wrong done to us.” And the entire book is washed in the awe of the holy God choosing to initiating the taking on of suffering in order to meet justice for our wrongs and bring reconciliation to Himself.

[Katie Gibbs · Rating 4 out of 5]

Less practical than I would have liked it to have been, to the point that towards the end he was saying things like "lots more could be said about this, and we have elsewhere" and I was going "where? no you haven't!" and I'm not sure why a lot of appendices weren't in the main body of the book.

But the gospel stuff and the principle stuff was really really good - made me want to know my own forgiveness more, which can only be a good thing.

Best takeaway - forgiveness is absorbing the cost of the wrong into the wronged party, and usually that happens in a hundred small moments, over and over again. Hard stuff, but very helpful.

[Alix · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible book, I’ll be recommending this one a lot. I might go as far as to say life-changing, as I’ve already been able to apply principles that have changed my life (and heart!) for the better.

I miss Tim Keller and am thankful he left us with this work.

[Caleb Batchelor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed this book more than I thought I did. By God’s grace, Keller unearthed resentment I did not know was there, and then he bandaged those bitter wounds with the gospel. Buy this book.

[Joe Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of his best works. Easy to follow as usual, and goes to the heart. What is forgiveness? How do we forgive? What if the person who sinned against us doesn’t repent? All discussed and answered.

[Alexandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading Tim Keller is like talking to a friend who speaks your language and can cut through your masks of self preservation for me. He always writes in a way that is powerful for me and makes me think! This book covers the topic of forgiveness holistically. He is not simply after behavior modification or sin erasure in the name of “cheap forgiveness”. This book is after your heart toward forgiveness and your right understanding of the grievousness of sin so that you can rightly see the power and completeness in the forgiveness Jesus carried out on the Cross. Particularly, I found it impactful to read about forgiveness vs excusing. I think word choice is a beautiful thing to study and this book showed that forgiveness is the only word we have to understand what the Father sent the Son to do to reconcile us to himself.
If you think you need a book on resolving your bitterness, I’d push back and say you need to read this book on forgiveness. As much as this is a book about forgiveness found in the Bible, it also made me reflect on forgiveness I’ve given shallowly in the past and forgiveness I didn’t realize I’ve withheld.
I am miffed by the fact that this is a non-fiction, commentary on forgiveness in Christianity, and yet it was a serious page-turner that I couldn’t help but eat up!

[Jayden · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would definitely recommend this book. It is a slower read, and thought provoking. I felt like I could read a max of two chapters in one sitting.

In reading this, my view of God, Christ’s work on the cross, and my identity as a forgiven child of God was influenced heavily. “The cross shows that God is committed to both justice and forgiveness.” God’s love and desire for justice aren’t pitted against each other, but rather work together. Keller included many practical notes on what forgiveness is and is not… super helpful.

My current food for thought (thanks to Keller):
- “Forgiveness is a form of voluntary suffering.”
- “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing.”
- For God to punish us for any sin would be to exact two payments for the same debt (since Jesus already paid it.) There truly is no condemnation in Christ.
- When one has been wronged, it takes humility to realize that evil lies in my heart as well.
- “…to be unforgiving reveals that you have failed to understand and accept God’s unmarred grace yourself.”

[Nat · Rating 5 out of 5]

*reread 25*
Last time I read this, I was pretty blessed to have not experienced anything that need real forgiveness work - and honestly I'm glad I read it when I did so that when the time came for practising forgiveness, I already knew the principles laid out in the Bible. It was just a good the second time, hard hitting in places, convicting in others.
There are times that I feel guilty for not feeling like I can forgive, but this book is a great reminder that forgiveness is not a feeling but an act which is extended before it's felt. It is an act of bearing the cost and seeking reconciliation (to the extent that is wise, sensible and possible) that can only be achieved because of Christ bearing the ultimate cost for me, and reconciling me to God.
So many good reminders and helpful walkthroughs. A must read for every Christian.

'Forgiveness is a form of voluntary suffering. In forgiving, rather than retaliating, you make a choice to bear the cost.'
From this quote alone, I think it's pretty obvious that Timothy Keller lays everything out, all arguments, all defences, all truths and all solutions. He doesn't make light of forgiveness, like a lot of Christians do, he clearly shows how difficult it is to the bear the cost of someone else's wrong to us. But he still urges everyone to forgive as and because we have been forgiven.
'Jesus was on the cross, looking at all of us, and saw us denying and betraying him, and yet, in the greatest act of love in the history of the world, Jesus Christ stayed. He saw what we are like and he stayed on the cross. When you see Jesus dying for you like that, and you know the reason he died is because of the sins you do every day, you will want nothing to do with your sins.'
This book took me a long time to get through, but the stuff that Keller tackles is so heavy and so entrenched in life and culture that it's one you have to take your time with. I think everyone, Christian or not, should read this book to understand the basics of forgiveness, why and how we should forgive.
Also, I think this may have been the last book Timothy Keller wrote before passing away, I also think it may be his best.

[DT · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have many mixed feelings about this book.

On the one hand, I feel like it kind of gives you a false sense about its content. The title of the book suggests it will give you practical advice about how to forgive someone. The first few chapters had a lot of history and philosophy about forgiveness. The practical advice in the second half of the book while useful didn’t seem very grounded in scripture.

I have high expectations of Tim Keller because often when I read one of his books, my worldview or framework of thinking about the topic is totally changed by it. This book didn’t include anything about forgiveness that couldn’t have been gleaned from other sources - including even non Christian books.

Keller spoke of cancel culture in an exclusively negative way without addressing some of the big scandals in the post Covid church, like Ravi Zacharias, or Christian leaders’ support of Donald Trump. In situations like this, isn’t cancel culture justified?

What about a victim of sexual abuse? Are they really supposed to try and be reconciled with their abuser? What about the passages in scripture where Jesus tells his disciples to shake the dust off their feet?

My view of the book isn’t that great because my view of the author is so high.

[Mindy Braun · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a good read, full of so much that caused me to evaluate my heart on many levels and has changed my approach/view on conflict. There are so so many good takeaways from this book but here’s a few:

“When Jesus says to those wronged, “Watch yourselves”, and the Hebrew writer says, “see to it” it means we should assume that we are more resentful and less forgiving and more controlled by what people have done to us than we think we are.“ (in reference to Hebrews 12:15)

“Therefore, forgiveness is always expensive to the forgiver, but the benefits - at the very least within your heart, and at the best in the restoration of relationship and a witness to the power of the gospel - outweigh the cost.”

“Forgiveness is not primarily and originally an emotion. Forgiveness is granted (often a good while) before it is felt - not felt before it is granted”

“Jesus, then is the place you get your reconciliation - to God, to others, and eventually to all things in creation.” (Ephesians 1:10)

[Olivia Jones-Hatton · Rating 3 out of 5]

I hate to say this: I was disappointed by this book, but not surprised. This book really seems to fall short of a comprehensive theological and practical understanding of forgiveness. There’s nothing particularly “new” in this book that is especially groundbreaking in the topic. I have found that in a few instances Timothy Keller doesn’t to offer a comprehensive picture of his examples or fails to appropriately qualify the scenarios in which the application is appropriate - making sweeping generalizations and minimizing certain abuses in a way that seems to discredit the good parts of his book. This book is applicable to those that have experienced conflict, NOT those who are journeying through harm or abuse. There are multiple times throughout the book that Keller states that “true Christian forgiveness” requires reconciliation of relationship. That is not only NOT true, but that is an incredibly damaging and dangerous belief to perpetuate through the evangelical community.

[Ash reads stuff · Rating 2 out of 5]

I would have given it more except for Keller’s approach on responsibility. He said that if we fail to confront the sin done to us, we are just as responsible as the perpetrator. I disagree. I can see how that would be true in some cases, for example, failing to confront cases of reported DV in the church because “it’s not my business” etc. But I’m just imagining Jesus sitting with a rape victim for example, and cannot imagine him saying “now you’re just as responsible as the perpetrator because you haven’t confronted this person or chased justice”. I think Keller is a little black and white on that, and that he hasn’t spoken into the space with wisdom or compassion.
Still some good stuff in this book, but certain sections (eg the chapter on abuse) would be best written by someone with more experience and authority to speak into that space.

[Ada Tarcau · Rating 5 out of 5]

Keller keeps exceeding my expectations.
This is a truly great book. It is a complex treatment of the subject, thoughtful and nuanced, it reveals what a central place forgiveness occupies in christianity (in the health of our theology, our ethics, our mission, our faith, our conflicts, our liberty, everywhere).

It is culturally relevant, dead-on in its diagnosis, disarming with its solution, personally challenging, edifying, clarifying and so practical. It is already disrupting some of my old thinking patterns, shaping my internal dialogue by bringing truth on the table in the heat of daily life: it’s been a blessing. The appendixes are so helpful - to return to over and over.

Hope to come back with some highlights soon.

[Elizabeth Solis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Something I truly appreciate in authors is the ability to be direct. When you’re given the freedom to write whatever and however you’d like the temptation to ramble, tangent, and run on is so easy. But Keller, an author I am deeming quite phenomenal, wastes no time. He writes line after line, while integrating so much of The Word(!!), that boldly and humbly brings his audience to reality both of the world’s brokenness and our own.

I was graciously lent a copy of this book from a friend (s/o Jackie) and will be immediately be buying my own copy which will be demolished in sticky tabs and highlighter.

A fantastic read and one that will become a life reference book. Please give this a read if you haven’t already

[Rebekah · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are a human in relationship with other humans you should read this book. In his usual manner, Keller winsomely discusses the topic with grace and biblical truth, providing lots of practical tips for engaging in forgiveness and reconciliation in a variety of contexts. Not many books receive a permanent spot on my bookshelf but this one will be staying for life. "Don't let yourself be twisted. Take in what Jesus Christ has done, put your little story about what people have done to you into the big story of what He did for you, and you'll have all the power you need to grant forgiveness."

[Brett Wiley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This might be my favorite book I have read this year, and it’s definitely one of my favorite works by Keller. The topic might seem simple, but this is such an important conversation for our current cultural moment. The chapters on “The God of Love and Fury,” and “Receiving God’s Forgiveness,” were worth the price of the book for me. I am grateful that the Lord has kept this man with us to this point, but if this were to be his last book (I am sure it won’t be!), it seems like a fitting summary of the heart of his ministry.