The Coach to Hell

by Rachel Cosgrove Payes

DESPERATION AND DESIRE
Rescued from poverty to live in an opulent mansion filled with servants...loved by two adventurous and passionate men...Georgina's new life was wantonly wonderful. But she was caught between her arrogant benefactor and his rakehell coachman brother -- and their fierce obsession threatened to shatter everything. Each man claimed to be the rightful heir to a noble title. Each man thought Georgina knew the secret location of the missing proof. And though each man already possessed Georgina's body -- each demanded more...

Genres: Historical Romance

400 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published November 15, 1979

About the author

Rachel R. Cosgrove Payes was an American genre novelist. A research biologist by training, she married Norman Morris Payes in 1954. The bulk of Cosgrove's work consisted of historical romance novels, many published by Playboy Press.

Used These Alternate Names: E.L. Arch, Joanne Kaye, Rachel Payes, Rachel R. Cosgrove, Rachel Cosgrove.

Reviews

[Wendy, Lady Evelyn Quince · Rating 2 out of 5]

The Coach to Hell was a bit of disappointment for me after reading Rachel Cosgrove Payes' Moment of Desire. While that book had a heroine who was put into awful situations and tried to make the best of them while always knowing her mind, this book's heroine is a wishy-washy sort that just goes with the flow because that's what toilet paper does. Since I read tCtH a few years ago, the plot points are still fresh in my mind, but I've forgotten most characters' names, so I apologize beforehand for being vague about that.

TCtH is a paranormal/gothic bodice-ripper about beautiful, orphaned Georgina who is forced out of her home to avoid the lusty clutches of a local pervert. Georgina is gifted with a special sight; like some sort of psychic blood-hound, she has the ability to touch an item an immediately glean information about its history or find a hidden object if she touches items associated with it. Her ESP is the Chekhov's gun of this novel as it will be instrumental in the plot's resolution, what little there is of it.

She heads on her way to visit a distant cousin. On her coach ride to a new town, Georgina meets a dashing red-haired coachman, whom she falls for even though she's warned that he's the love-them-and-leave-them type, with different women in every town on his passage. As a bastard with no fortune but lots of sex-appeal, the hero is working to save money to find a lawyer who will take on his case to find the truth about his parentage. He tells Georgina that the man she's going to live with is his younger half-brother and a nobleman, but is not the legitimate and true heir. The hero wants Georgie to find any information that will prove his claim, and Georgie promises to do her best.

Her best is...well...you'll see.

Meanwhile, the Lord of a half-brother is also a charismatic hunk, who openly lives with his mistress, but wouldn't mind tossing her over if Georgie were interested in taking her place. But Georgie has her dashing coachman and wouldn't dream of being unfaithful to--

Nope, forget that.

Back in her hometown, when some creepy old dude wanted for her for his mistress, Georgie's upstanding morals wouldn't allow for such a dishonor, but now that she's in love with a young, handsome dude and living with his hot, rich brother... Morals? Pffft. That's for poor people who don't live in fancy manors.

The best part of this book is whereGeorgina has the hero in her room for a late night tryst, but then the brother comes into the room for the same thing, forcing the hero to hide in the wardrobe. Georgina can't shoo the brother away by being smart enough to just say she's on her period or something, so while the hero conceals himself in the closet like some teenaged boy hiding from an angry father, Georgie is banging the half-brother in her bed. And the half-brother is so good at it, that Georgina forgets everything and moans away in ecstasy, giving the hero something special to listen to.

So this being a bodice-ripper, and the hero being an arrogant alpha and all, does he burst out into the room and kill them both in a rage? Nope. He stays there, sitting and sulking, while his hated enemy bangs the woman he loves, bringing her to orgasmic heights.This scene was so WTF and made me wish that tCtH had included more juicy bits like this...

After that, though, I lost all respect for the hero. I mean, I wasn't expecting him to go all wifebeater on the heroine, but he could have at least punched the lights out of his half-brother. I can't root for a cucked hero, so I just read to get to the end of the story.
(***ETA )

Remember Georgina's special kind of ESP? Well, it serves the plot's purpose.

You didn't actually think the hero wasn't the real Lord, did you? Oh, noes, I gave away the ending! (Hey, if you're reading these cheesy books you know they end perfectly Happily Ever After, no matter how discombobulating the path to ever after is.)

I really wished I had enjoyed this book more, but the heroine was just too stupid for words and after losing all respect for the hero it was a 2 1/2 star read for me.

[Chrisangel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well, it's happened again. Here's another book with great potential that just didn't live up to it. This has been the case with many an early HR, ones from the late 70's/early 80's, where characters tend to be selfish and shallow, the "true lovers" spend little time together (and more time in bed with others) and melodrama prevails. I prefer the ones from the mid-80's and later, where a relationship develops, the couple seldom (if ever) sleep with others once they've made love (maybe a few close calls, but not too close), and they're much less self-centered and much more morally grounded. Definitely NOT the case with this book! If you read this, you'll find that it's possible to be entertained by a story without liking the characters in it, because there's nothing very likeable about any of them.

Set in 18thc England, the story had an interesting twist to it, but it falls under the heading of "good idea, just poorly executed", as the h, Georgina, daughter of a small town vicar who recently passed away, has some psychic powers: she has visions of the past, can sense things by touching items (psychometry), and experiences astral projection, which all sounds fascinating, but was done in such a silly way that it was more laughable than fascinating. (If I had to read one more time about Georgina floating over the room, seeing herself from overhead, getting a vision, then returning to her fainting body while someone shoves smelling salts under her nose, I'd have SCREAMED!!!!!!!)

She leaves her village for a distant cousin's estate, after her father dies (he was tormented by some secret he was too ill to reveal) to start a new life and avoid her lecherous employer's bed, then falls for the coachman on the long journey, Charles, a handsome, sexy womanizer, who just happens to be the illegitimate brother of the cousin she's headed for, the equally attractive Francis, with the same eye for the ladies, and the legitimate heir to the family estate. Or is he????

I'll bet you can guess the answer to that one. What you may not guess, is that seemingly innocent Georgina, proper vicar's daughter, has all the instincts of a whore, and soon acts on them. Despite vowing to herself she'd save her hymen for marriage, in no time at all she got naked with Charles, who didn't say a word about really caring for her, let alone mention marriage and whom she knew had a reputation as a lov-'em-and-leave-'em. Right afterward, he asks her to help him find proof that he's the rightful heir, which gives a distinct impression that he's using her. Not only that, but he warned her to be careful of Francis, but didn't elaborate, although he knew his half-brother's reputation wasn't any better than his own. He seemed to care more about her helping him before anything, though he must have known what could happen.

And it soon does! Despite her feelings for Charles, Georgina can't help being attracted to her charming, handsome distant cousin, and Francis charms her even more when he gives her a lovely room, buys her expensive clothes, introduces her to some socially prominent people, and promises her trips to London and a presentation at the Court of St. James. It's not surprising a small town girl would be dazzled by all that, especially since all she had to do was read to his incapacitated father, the fourth Earl of Margate, who suffered a stroke and is bedridden. He, like her father, has something he wants to say, but every time he gets a few words out, his mind goes blank again, and he falls asleep. This is repeated so many times, it was both boring and funny. The earl starts to speak, the earl falls asleep. The earl starts to speak, the earl falls asleep. The earl starts to speak, the earl falls asleep. The earl starts to speak, the earl falls asleep. The earl starts to speak, the earl falls asleep. The earl starts to speak, the earl falls asleep. The earl starts to speak, the earl falls asleep. The earl starts to speak, the earl falls asleep. Get the idea? ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!

There was more craziness, as well as some really offensive stuff. Despite having a live-in mistress, Olivia (typical lovely but heartless, self-centered bitch, jealous of the newcomer/rival), Francis wants very much to bed Georgina, and sneaks into her room one night, while she thinks he's Charles. When she realizes her mistake, Francis rapes her. Then, after being rough and brutal, he becomes gentle and tender, and suddenly, she's one big orgasm! This is so offensive to any woman reading this that might have had the misfortune to have been raped! Ask any rape victim if, after being violated, her attacker suddenly caressed her gently would she have an orgasm, and don't be surprised if you have no teeth left in your mouth, as well as a broken nose! I wouldn't blame her a bit!

As if this weren't bad enough, another time, knowing Charles was in the closet, Georgina not only allows Francis to have sex with her (she didn't even try to give a headache or period excuse) but enjoys it so much she gets rather loud, and Charles hears it all! For any woman could respond under those circumstances, she'd have to be a natural born whore, which Georgina definitely is. Not that Charles is any better. He has his fun seducing barmaids along his coach route, and was also sleeping with Olivia. Despite wanting to avoid confrontation with his half-brother (though he does an awful lot of sneaking in and out of the house), you have to wonder how in the hell did he remain in the closet, instead of charging out of there the minute he realized what was going to happen? (That's what the H in later HR books would have done. If only this had been written around 1985!) Afterward, Georgina didn't seem all that ashamed, and Charles seemed more concerned with her not finding out any info that could prove his legitimacy claim, rather than with her ecstasy in his brother's arms.

(The copy of this book i read was a used one, and whoever read it before made a note on one of the pages, about how it was unbelievable a woman could have written this book. It was referring to the part where Georgina was reflecting on how neither Charles nor Francis treated her all that well, yet she would gladly go to bed with either one of them. I see the point of that book graffiti artist. That kind of stuff is typical of HR books written by men, where women are repeatedly raped, have sex with any number of men besides their "true love", and orgasm every time. Perhaps Rachel Cosgrove Payes is just a non de plume for Joe (horny guy) Smith?)

Soon, Georgina's content with being Francis's mistress, because it looks like the old earl will croak before Charles gets the proof he needs, Francis will be the Fifth Earl of Margate, and Georgina plans to go from mistress to wife, despite her feelings for Charles, who, after all, is a mere coach driver, and illegitimate, too. She even puts up with Francis's bad temper, his sometimes hitting her, and (if she's not in the mood) his sometimes raping her. Like I said, natural born whore. (Makes you wonder, if her boss from back home had been rich and handsome, would she have accepted the cottage he offered her, despite his being married? Probably.)

It is true that, if Francis decided to throw her out, she'd have no place to go, and no real skills, and there weren't many jobs available for women in 18thc England. Also, once you get used to living in a mansion, wearing fancy clothes and jewelry, attending balls and dinners, and all the other upper-class stuff, it's hard to let that go. So she did have some excuse. Still, when it seemed Charles might have a chance to prove his claim, suddenly she started imagining herself married to him instead. As long as he actually inherited, of course. Fickle, thy name is Georgina!

BTW: There's more repetition, as Georgina seesaws back and forth: I love Charles, I love Francis, I want Charles, I want Francis, Charles is the man for me, Francis is the man for me, I get so jealous thinking of Charles with other women, I get so jealous thinking of Francis with other women, Charles will make me happy, Francis will make me happy, Charles is a fantastic lover, Francis is a fantastic lover, Charles is my destiny, Francis is my destiny, AD NAUSEUM, AD NAUSEUM, AD NAUSEUM, AD NAUSEUM!!!!

Charles has a lot of flaws, too, like putting his obsession with finding proof of his claim (that his father really did marry his humble mother before marrying Francis's aristocratic mother) above his feelings for Georgina. Every time he made love to her (yes, she cheated on Francis, but he cheated on her, so they're even, I guess), right afterward he'd ask if she found out anything that could be useful. This sounds more and more like he is only using her. He's angry that she's his brother's mistress, yet he never offers her an alternative, except to suggest she could get a job. (Doing what???) He never gives the impression he wants to settle down, once he inherits what's his, just assumes she should guess how he feels, and tells his grandmother (his grandparents are in the story, too) he thought Georgina loved him, (implying he loved her) but never mentioned anything about love to Georgina. Not to mention that, knowing all the time what his brother was like, he never warned her not to get involved, not to give in and become Francis's mistress. It just got to be ridiculous!

As for Francis: this guy makes no secret that he can't wait for his father to die, is verbally abusive to him, discards Olivia in a horrible way without one pang of guilt (she's no prize package, but she didn't deserve what she got), and when he gets impatient enough with his father lingering on.....

On a nice person scale of 1-10, these people would all get a minus something.

There is some good stuff thrown in, (like an exciting race-against-time in the coach, Georgina finally realizing how trashy she was being and where her heart really was, and the search for proof finally yielding what anyone with half a brain saw coming, as well as where the clues really were), but altogether this novel is too weak to pass muster. If you don't expect much, you won't be disappointed.