Beyond the Birds and the Bees

by Gregory K. Popcak

"The Talk. It s one of the most daunting prospects parents face. Communicating the richness of Catholic teaching on sexuality in a faithful and effective way can be an overwhelming responsibility. Does it have to be?In this thoroughly revised version of Beyond the Birds and the Bees Greg and Lisa Popcak empower you with the tools needed to move well beyond the Talk by offering a comprehensive guide to raising sexually whole and holy children. Using the riches of St. John Paul II s Theology of the Body, the Popcaks help you safely navigate your children from infancy through the teenage years and beyond.This book answers the questions parents may have, ● What lessons must my children learn at each stage to develop a healthy Christian sexuality?● How can I have age-appropriate conversations about sensitive issues with my children?● How can I teach my children what it takes to be a true Catholic man or woman?● How can I help my children have healthy, Christian dating relationships?

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Religion, Faith, Catholic, Reference

240 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2001

About the author

Dr. Gregory Popcak is the Executive Director of the Pastoral Solutions Institute, an organization dedicated to helping Catholics find faith-filled solutions to tough marriage, family, and personal problems. The author of over a dozen popular books integrating solid Catholic theology and counseling psychology (including; For Better…FOREVER!, Holy Sex!, Parenting with Grace, Beyond the Birds and the Bees), Dr. Popcak is an expert on the practical applications of the Theology of the Body. Through the Pastoral Solutions Institute, he directs a group pastoral tele-counseling practice that provides ongoing pastoral psychotherapy services to Catholic couples, individuals and families around the world. Since 2001, he and his wife and co-author, Lisa Popcak, have hosted several nationally-syndicated, call-in radio advice programs including Heart, Mind and Strength (Ave Maria Radio 2001-2010), Fully Alive! (Sirius/XM-The Catholic Channel 2007-2010), and most recently, More2Life (Ave Maria Radio–Airing M-F, Noon-1pm Eastern– 2010-Present). They have also hosted two for EWTN (For Better…FOREVER! & God Help Me!). Dr. Popcak’s articles appear regularly in Catholic periodicals such as Catholic Digest, Family Foundations, and others. Dr. Greg Popcak and Lisa Popcak are sought after public speakers and trainers and have been honored to address audiences across North America, Australia, and Hong Kong.

In addition to his ministry work, Dr. Popcak serves as adjunct faculty for the Franciscan University of Steubenville in both the sociology and graduate theology departments where he teaches Christianity & Society and Pastoral & Spiritual Direction respectively. He also serves on the faculty of the doctor of social work program for the Harold Abel School of Behavioral Health at Capella University.

Reviews

[Blanca Palomino · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a good resource for me as a mom of children (1, 3, 6, and 8) in their early childhood. I feel ready for every step of their growth not only as a mother but as a wife. I highly recommend it.

[Christina Burt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is SO good! I️t doesn’t just talk about ‘The Talk’ that we will one day have with our children (though it does touch on that), it really gives parents the tools and the language we need to raise our children with the capacity to make good, moral decisions on their own. The book is based on research in psychology and the study of the Theology of the Body. The fundamental truth that we are created good and wonderful, and that God gave us our bodies in order to work for the good of others (self-donation) should be the underlying truth behind any discussion of sexuality. At each age and stage of development we can use that principle as a guide to answer any questions our kids may have and to initiate discussions with them. I️ also learned a lot about how my attitude and actions toward my children do affect the way they learn and how they view themselves as persons, and even how their brains develop from the moment they are born. It’s an awesome reference book to keep on hand as our children are growing up!! (Especially for nervous parents out there who have no idea how to talk about sex with their kids!)

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book for Catholic parents who want to raise moral kids in today's world. The first part of the book is an overview of St. John Paul II's Theology of the Body with an emphasis on parenting. The second half of the book is broken into sections based on child development (birth-adolescence) and children's emotional needs as their bodies develop and they mature physically and emotionally.

The only thing I did not care for was the "special hug" analogy. I felt like it was poorly worded and confusing to kids. Despite that, this was a very valuable read as a parent of a 7 & 9 year old. I am certain that I will come back and revisit chapters as my boys get older

[Monica Zeringue · Rating 5 out of 5]

You know your book is good when you've dog eared ever other page! I may be finished reading "Beyond the Birds and the Bees," but it's definitely NOT the last time I will be picking it up! Excellent read and lots of tremendous insights for any parent or caretaker looking for a healthy, sensitive, and practical resource on sex education. I highly recommend it!

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall a great resource for parents trying to raise well formed, whole Catholic children in my opinion. Definitely didn’t agree with how strongly worded some of the subjective parenting strategies or example conversations were presented, but I believe that’s the part of the book parents can use their own discernment on what’s best for their children and family mission and culture.

[Joyce · Rating 4 out of 5]

As good as I remembered it. I will be coming back to this book throughout this years, as my children grow older.

[Margo · Rating 2 out of 5]

How to talk to your kids about sex under a Catholic guise.

10 tips for the teacher (parent)
1. Every child has different needs, challenges, and strengths
2. You are your child’s first and most important example of manhood and womanhood
3. When talking about sex, we should always take care to connect it to its spiritual and moral dimensions
4. It is not enough to say, “don’t do that!”
5. Cultivating a healthy, holy, sexuality is a lifetime process
6. We must model and teach respect for ourselves and other people
7. The goal of all discipline should be teaching the child self-discipline
8. Chastity is not the same thing as repression
9. We as parents cannot do it all on our own
10. In everything we do and teach, God works alongside us

8 virtues a healthy sexuality depends on - love, responsibility, faith, respect, intimacy, cooperation, joy, personhood (see Holy Sex!)

Christian sexuality is different than any other approach to sexuality because it is what God intended and it is more beautiful and and more satisfying

4 paths of sacred sex
1. Catholics are called to lovemaking joyfully
2. Maintain a responsible openness to life
-contraception was not invented to prevent pregnancy, because abstinence was already the way to do that
3. Approach each other in prayer
4. Protect each other’s dignity

General teaching areas of kids:
1. Specialness of the body
-you shouldn’t let you kid cry it out and should carry them close to your body as frequently as possible to teach this
2. Differences between men and women
-god made men and women perfectly complimentary and anything that isn’t originates from original sin
3. Guiding emotions & dating
- dating is to find the person that God created to make us the best person we could be, love is about serving & making the other person happy
4. Sex
-early on, tell them its a special hug
-Jesus knew exactly why God gave us feelings of sexual attraction…… what?
5. God

Love the sinner, hate the sin


Liked the general structure and topics that will eventually need to be touched upon, but did not like things that don’t actually make sense about biology - like sex being a hug or that being attracted to someone is God calling us. No, its hormones actually. Did have a bit of overlap with Holy Sex.

[Ashley]

It's hard to choose a star rating for a book like this, but I'm very glad I read it and I will probably keep it on my night stand and refer to it often. It lays out first what sexuality even is (spoiler: not really what the culture says it is), how to talk to kids about it in an age appropriate manner, and then it breaks it all down further into 4 age groups to help parents approach sexuality and human dignity with kids of all ages. It also includes some common questions/concerns and a couple of helpful appendices on the moral brain. Even though I don't always agree with the Popcaks' stances on everything, I think this book is well done and a useful tool for parents.

[Jessi Fearon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this book is a must-read for parents who want to do more than just have the birds and the bees talk with their children. If you want to raise children of solid virtue - this is the book for you. The biggest downside to this book is that it's very wordy and the editing isn't that great. I'm not a grammar police by any stretch of the imagination, but there were several editing mistakes throughout the book that kept throwing me off. Couple that with the long-windedness of the writing overall, it was a bit challenging to stay engaged with the book.

[Siobhain · Rating 5 out of 5]

It has been too many years since I read this to give a detailed review, but I remember it being hugely helpful. I hope to reread it soon. I highly recommend all of Gregory K. Popcak's books as well as his radio program More2Life.

[Jamie Kahm · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read and something I will refer back to as my children enter different stages of their life or certain concerns arise.

[Kevin · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some great ideas for supporting a healthy understanding of Catholic sexuality. Some of the parenting tips - however - not as much.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just a quick review to say that this book is outstanding and I highly recommend for all parents. I love the ages and stages chapters of this book. It is practical and beautiful and extremely helpful!

[Chaffee Viets · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall I found this book to be helpful. As I walk through grocery store check out lines and my young sons see lots of highly inappropriate pictures and captions on magazines, I wonder a great deal about the messages they are internalizing. I don't want them to objectify women, and yet that's exactly what such magazines encourage. This book, which will be overly conservative for most, has many good points regardless about how to deal with questions from children about sex, anatomy, etc. The suggested strategies for addressing natural child, pre-teen and teen curiosity about sex point toward the middle of the spectrum between being completely open and completely ignoring the topic. Devout Catholics will find much that resonates, some other Christians will find less, and folks from other faiths will find only a little. However, in a world that seeks equality between the sexes, much can be gained from this book if read with an open (not necessarily blindly accepting) mind, whether one is conservative, moderate or liberal.

[Catherine Gillespie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Beyond the Birds and the Bees gives a whole life picture of how to give kids more than just an account of the mechanics involved in maturing and the basic what’s-up about sex. Rather, the book delves into how our identity as Christians and as sexual beings should be informed and enhanced by our theology.

The book is based on the Theology of the Body, which is a Catholic concept but I don’t find it to be anything that would conflict with Protestant theology as I understand it. There are a few points that won’t apply if you aren’t Catholic, but by-and-large I think the application of theology to all aspects of life is really critical for children as they grow up.

{Read my full review here}

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 Stars.

I like the holistic approach of this book. The author interprets sexuality much more broadly than is typically portrayed. For example, toilet training is part of your child's sex education because they are learning mastery over bodily functions.

I like how information is broken down by stages to give some guidance on what information is appropriate for which age.

This book is heavily dependent on Catholicism and Attachment Parenting. If either of those bother you, you probably won't get much out of this book.

[Lindsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book does a good job of helping parents set up appropriate ways to think and discuss human sexuality with their children. It does cover some very big issues and does not skirt around them. However, I think their ages are off for kids today. And they didn't go into enough detail about how to go about the actual birds and bees talk. it was all about the beyond.

[Rachel Motte · Rating 4 out of 5]

I technically didn't read the whole thing--I skipped the chapters meant for parents of older kids. Loved what I saw, though.

[E.M. Makins · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book! I have to say it was helpful...it is also helpful like the new book on Amazon, called The Birds and the Bees Children's Book by E.M. Makins... also a very helpful book!!

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book for parents wanting to teach their children about sexuality from a religious standpoint.