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Losing It: Sex Education for the 21st Century
From one of the UK’s most followed journalists comes a mythbusting call-to-arms that exposes sex misinformation and champions inclusive and equitable sex.
Clueless about everything from her own anatomy to relationships, Sophia Smith Galer’s sex education classes left her with more questions than answers. But what she didn’t know was that this lack of knowledge was about to turn her life upside down – as it does to countless people in the UK every year.
Thanks to inadequate sex education, many of us are finishing school knowing more about STDs and condoms than the bigger sexual picture – our own physicality, pleasure and consent. And the effects can last a lifetime.
In Losing It, Smith Galer shares the eye-opening stories of ordinary people affected by sex misinformation and finds that many of us are unable to access the world of sexual freedom that we’ve been promised. She draws on her own experiences – and the expertise of a new generation of sex educators – to uncover a world that subscribes to a wide catalogue of sex myths. This book tackles:
The Virginity Myth: Does having sex for the first time alter us biologically?
The Sexlessness Myth: Who is abstaining and why?
The Virility Myth: Why do men feel so much pressure to have sex?
The Consent Myth: Is there more to it than just saying no?
Losing It challenges the status quo and empowers people from all backgrounds and any age to rewrite the story of their sex lives.
Clueless about everything from her own anatomy to relationships, Sophia Smith Galer’s sex education classes left her with more questions than answers. But what she didn’t know was that this lack of knowledge was about to turn her life upside down – as it does to countless people in the UK every year.
Thanks to inadequate sex education, many of us are finishing school knowing more about STDs and condoms than the bigger sexual picture – our own physicality, pleasure and consent. And the effects can last a lifetime.
In Losing It, Smith Galer shares the eye-opening stories of ordinary people affected by sex misinformation and finds that many of us are unable to access the world of sexual freedom that we’ve been promised. She draws on her own experiences – and the expertise of a new generation of sex educators – to uncover a world that subscribes to a wide catalogue of sex myths. This book tackles:
The Virginity Myth: Does having sex for the first time alter us biologically?
The Sexlessness Myth: Who is abstaining and why?
The Virility Myth: Why do men feel so much pressure to have sex?
The Consent Myth: Is there more to it than just saying no?
Losing It challenges the status quo and empowers people from all backgrounds and any age to rewrite the story of their sex lives.
240 pages, Hardcover
First published April 1, 2022
28 people are currently reading
1185 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 64 reviews
August 2, 2023
3,50- 3,75 Informative and solid Read. Recommend. I would love to have a citations list with all the listed studies. The recommended list provided at the end seems interesting though.
April 5, 2022
Losing It is a very informative book, aiming to dispel various myths surrounding virginity, sex, sexuality and relationships. Galer begins by discussing the dimsal level of sex education in UK schools before covering a myth per chapter. It certainly made me re-evaluate my perspective on several topics. I enjoyed learning about other cultures and their views and attitudes towards sex and relationships, even if some of the subject matter made for uncomfortable and upsetting reading.
However, I can only give three stars due to the lack of nuance throughout. The author seems to think her views are correct and there's no room for other viewpoints. For example, she doesn't believe porn addiction exists so she simply mocks and dismisses the idea of it, missing out what could be a very informative part of the book, particularly for the younger generation for whom porn is forming their initial views of sex. The writing is also rather clumsy in parts, with some chapters appearing to be more researched that others but nonetheless still readable.
An informative, if somewhat narrow minded read.
Thanks to NetGalley and William Collins for the ARC.
However, I can only give three stars due to the lack of nuance throughout. The author seems to think her views are correct and there's no room for other viewpoints. For example, she doesn't believe porn addiction exists so she simply mocks and dismisses the idea of it, missing out what could be a very informative part of the book, particularly for the younger generation for whom porn is forming their initial views of sex. The writing is also rather clumsy in parts, with some chapters appearing to be more researched that others but nonetheless still readable.
An informative, if somewhat narrow minded read.
Thanks to NetGalley and William Collins for the ARC.
January 14, 2024
no doubt this is an incredibly informative & intelligent approach to dispelling sex myths & identifying the failings of mainstream sex education programmes (in the UK specifically).
I appreciate that the author describes herself as ‘qualified to tell stories’ & that is largely what she does here to illustrate the key arguments, it is predominantly anecdotal (whether her experiences or those of some interviewees). Unfortunately I do think it lacked nuance in places & given the subject matter, more citations would have been beneficial.
That being said, along with other texts/resources I do think that this would provide a really solid introduction to sex ed for young people!
I appreciate that the author describes herself as ‘qualified to tell stories’ & that is largely what she does here to illustrate the key arguments, it is predominantly anecdotal (whether her experiences or those of some interviewees). Unfortunately I do think it lacked nuance in places & given the subject matter, more citations would have been beneficial.
That being said, along with other texts/resources I do think that this would provide a really solid introduction to sex ed for young people!
August 2, 2023
3.75 stars
READ IT.
READ IT.
September 18, 2024
Whilst there is space for big essays and loads of references, I believe there's also a lot of space (and relevance) for books like this, made up of both information and real-life stories. Galer gives a holistic view of the sex myths we all grew up with, and reading this book made me re-evaluate a lot of my notions. As someone who grew up with a catholic background, I have done a lot of unlearning and recontextualization of things that were sold to me as true. This book knocked down those walls even more, and made me rethink my experiences, and start very interesting conversations with the people in my life.
P.S. In my non-fiction era finally!!!
P.S. In my non-fiction era finally!!!
April 15, 2022
I wish this book was available when I was growing up, I wish this book was available 10 years ago to help me inform my first born! I myself have learnt lots from reading this and dispelled myths I’d grown up believing, I intend to use this knowledge to inform my youngest child still in primary education not to far off secondary and give her knowledge I certainly didn’t have available for myself or first born.
I will share with as many people I can possible. Sophia has changed my mind, my views and perspective on lots of sex topics never too old to learn.
Interesting, insightful , eye opening brilliant writing.
I will share with as many people I can possible. Sophia has changed my mind, my views and perspective on lots of sex topics never too old to learn.
Interesting, insightful , eye opening brilliant writing.
May 8, 2022
I grew up in a somehow open-minded household in regards to sex. My mom has always been like, 'you don't have to wait marriage to have sex but just do it with someone you love'. However, that was the whole conversation. I didn't learn about consent nor about any other sex-related topics, not at school not at home. Coincidentally, the only year when my school did a class (4 hours) on sex-ed, I was studying abroad so I never got to take the class. It took me years to debunk a lot of the myths described in the book, but that was done through my own curiosity. I didn't have a proper school education about sex, and I wish so much that this book were available at the time and I hope that a lot of the topics it covers start to be talked about in schools and universities, not just in the UK but worldwide too.
March 15, 2025
I bought this book when it was first released in 2022 as I’m an admirer of Sophia’s work as a fellow journalist – and, now having finally read it, I’m frustrated it took me so long to pick it up off my bookshelf!
This book is harrowing and empowering in equal measure, with anecdotes and statistics that made me acknowledge my own privilege while also feeling frustrated at the education I received on these important topics as a teen.
This is a must-read for everyone, but especially the young people learning to navigate this confusing world and sex educators in schools. Sophia’s writing makes such a nuanced and complex topic captivating. She’s made for storytelling.
This book is harrowing and empowering in equal measure, with anecdotes and statistics that made me acknowledge my own privilege while also feeling frustrated at the education I received on these important topics as a teen.
This is a must-read for everyone, but especially the young people learning to navigate this confusing world and sex educators in schools. Sophia’s writing makes such a nuanced and complex topic captivating. She’s made for storytelling.
September 30, 2023
A must read for anyone who has sex. This book is an amazing resource in terms of education but more so re-education for most of us who went through the school system with a terrible sex education class.
The book is obviously well researched and factual, but still digestible and interesting, I like the way each chapter dispels a different myth we were told when first navigating our sexual identities and lives.
Couldn’t recommend more.
The book is obviously well researched and factual, but still digestible and interesting, I like the way each chapter dispels a different myth we were told when first navigating our sexual identities and lives.
Couldn’t recommend more.
November 23, 2022
Where was this book when I was younger?! It was a really interesting read and I learnt a lot. It’s so sad what some people are doing to themselves (surgery) due to societal pressure, when it’s just not needed. Definitely would recommend
April 11, 2024
Wish I had this book growing up!
January 6, 2022
I follow Sophie's work on TikTok and had heard she was writing a book and knew no matter what it was about, it would be an incredible read, as how she shares a story in a minute is always done so incredibly well and never is anything less than thought-provoking, so when her book appeared on NetGalley I knew I had to request and I am glad I did.
This book took me back and brought me forward. Remembering my school days of terrible sex education of bananas, condoms and only one teacher who was confident enough to really teach the subject at my school I realised just how much a book like this is needed and how much even though I have taught myself alot, how much I didn't know or didn't really think about enough - Sophie talks you through all this like you are in this together throughout and I really appreciate it.
Thought is given to intersectionality and I appreciate how honest she is about the perspective she is working from however she does an excellent job at covering all different areas, covering from LGBT relationships and how sex education let's people down further outside of the heteronormative parameters that sex education still is in. I feel like that there are more areas this writer could talk about if she were to continue writing about this area, I appreciated particularly the chapter on asexuality/aromanticism and gave me food for thought.
Losing It is an excellent book and a comprehensive start on the sex and relationship education given to young people in the UK and the impact that has on relationships here as well, well researched and written with a way that connects with the reader, this book I would love to see in a few years time have a bonus chapter on the impact of the pandemic, but also the impact of the new SRE plans the government is bringing in and if that has helped young people navigate relationships.
I will certainly be reading more of what this author writes in the future!
(I received an ARC from Netgalley for honest review).
This book took me back and brought me forward. Remembering my school days of terrible sex education of bananas, condoms and only one teacher who was confident enough to really teach the subject at my school I realised just how much a book like this is needed and how much even though I have taught myself alot, how much I didn't know or didn't really think about enough - Sophie talks you through all this like you are in this together throughout and I really appreciate it.
Thought is given to intersectionality and I appreciate how honest she is about the perspective she is working from however she does an excellent job at covering all different areas, covering from LGBT relationships and how sex education let's people down further outside of the heteronormative parameters that sex education still is in. I feel like that there are more areas this writer could talk about if she were to continue writing about this area, I appreciated particularly the chapter on asexuality/aromanticism and gave me food for thought.
Losing It is an excellent book and a comprehensive start on the sex and relationship education given to young people in the UK and the impact that has on relationships here as well, well researched and written with a way that connects with the reader, this book I would love to see in a few years time have a bonus chapter on the impact of the pandemic, but also the impact of the new SRE plans the government is bringing in and if that has helped young people navigate relationships.
I will certainly be reading more of what this author writes in the future!
(I received an ARC from Netgalley for honest review).
August 27, 2023
Sadly I cannot give this book more than two stars, due to its complete lack of references. How can I read a section such as the one below and have no way to look up who performed these studies, when and how the hypothesis was framed?!
“A survey published in 2021 showed that a high proportion of British women and men are completely incapable of labelling all the parts of the vulva. Over half couldn't correctly identify that women have three holes and, regardless of their gender, half of Britons couldn't identify the urethra and 37 per cent mislabelled the clitoris. This builds on what other researchers have found. A US study revealed that 46 per cent of women surveyed couldn't point out the cervix, and a quarter didn't know where their vagina was.”
Aside from this, the book covered some good topics including ideas of consent, incels, asexuality and fear around sex but I have read other books that cover these much better. This book is very conversational, casual and feels like reading someone’s blog. The very, very short list of suggested reading at the back features reference to other books that were great such as A Curious History of Sex.
“A survey published in 2021 showed that a high proportion of British women and men are completely incapable of labelling all the parts of the vulva. Over half couldn't correctly identify that women have three holes and, regardless of their gender, half of Britons couldn't identify the urethra and 37 per cent mislabelled the clitoris. This builds on what other researchers have found. A US study revealed that 46 per cent of women surveyed couldn't point out the cervix, and a quarter didn't know where their vagina was.”
Aside from this, the book covered some good topics including ideas of consent, incels, asexuality and fear around sex but I have read other books that cover these much better. This book is very conversational, casual and feels like reading someone’s blog. The very, very short list of suggested reading at the back features reference to other books that were great such as A Curious History of Sex.
January 2, 2022
Thank you NetGalley, Sophie Smith Galer and William Collins for an Arc copy in exchange for an honest review.
From the get go, losing it exposes the lack of sex education in the education system, and I can vouch for this. I remember in school the main focus of Sex Ed was about protecting yourself against STDs and pregnancy. It wasn’t until I got older and started to explore the topic on my own that I started to learn that sex education is more then that.
The book hits a lot of topics that are important and myths that are still deeply imbedded in our society.
It’s expose the lack of knowledge about LGBTQ+ relationships and suggests that we may be hindering young people rather than helping them.
It shows how we need a Modern overhaul of our Sex Education.
The writing style was great though at time it did feel jump.
This book will shock you and shows that we still have a long way to go before we have comprehensive Sex Ed.
From the get go, losing it exposes the lack of sex education in the education system, and I can vouch for this. I remember in school the main focus of Sex Ed was about protecting yourself against STDs and pregnancy. It wasn’t until I got older and started to explore the topic on my own that I started to learn that sex education is more then that.
The book hits a lot of topics that are important and myths that are still deeply imbedded in our society.
It’s expose the lack of knowledge about LGBTQ+ relationships and suggests that we may be hindering young people rather than helping them.
It shows how we need a Modern overhaul of our Sex Education.
The writing style was great though at time it did feel jump.
This book will shock you and shows that we still have a long way to go before we have comprehensive Sex Ed.
April 11, 2022
I grew up in a somehow open-minded household in regards to sex. My mom has always been like, 'you don't have to wait marriage to have sex but just do it with someone you love'. However, that was the whole conversation. I didn't learn about consent nor about any other sex-related topics, not at school not at home. Coincidentally, the only year when my school did a class (4 hours) on sex-ed, I was studying abroad so I never got to take the class. It took me years to debunk a lot of the myths described in the book, but that was done through my own curiosity. I didn't have a proper school education about sex, and I wish so much that this book were available at the time and I hope that a lot of the topics it covers start to be talked about in schools and universities, not just in the UK but worldwide too.
I received an ARC through NetGalley, but I'm leaving a voluntary and honest review.
I received an ARC through NetGalley, but I'm leaving a voluntary and honest review.
March 3, 2023
Teetering on 3.5 stars. An important and useful non-fiction book that explores the myths surrounding sex and sexuality in the 21st century. I wish I’d read this when I was growing up and think it proves the sex education system in the UK still needs a massive re haul.
Sometimes the text felt dense and as if sections could’ve been cut down.
Sometimes the text felt dense and as if sections could’ve been cut down.
July 21, 2022
Took me ages to finish cause I really didn’t enjoy. Lacked nuance and critique of key concepts and very heteronormative with queerness as an afterthought. Made some broadly good points but could have done so much more.
January 28, 2023
This book was extremely insightful, I did not know that something as seemingly simple as virginity can be so complicated, political and albeit varied in different cultures, yet still centralized across various religious sects and ethnicities internationally.
It opened up my eyes to the strange surgeries that women undergo in the name of 'purity', because of some of these regimes.
Imagine my shock when I read that a Woman in one of these Gulf States, committed suicide after she had sex for the first time with her husband, but she didn't bleed, so he disputed her virginal status, and she killed herself.
That's so sad...
But then again, doesn't my own culture, the Zulu Culture, have some custom where virgins dance for the king or something, called the Reed Dance?
I actually remember hearing people talk about how they're heading to 'Umhlanga' and how they'll trick the virginity testing women, because they've fornicated, but they need to go there to prove that they're still virgins to their parents.
Other African countries have FGM.
Culture. Religion.
Wild.
Anyways, the world is so big and strange, yet small and familiar isn't it?
This book touches on many important myths such as virility, celibacy (voluntary and involuntary), and the influence of religions and even social media when it comes to our fears and worries about first time sex and sex education in general.
Furthermore, this book, is proof that, medically and socially (internationally and locally), most advice pertaining to sex is outdated and viewed on a primitive, virginal (for women), virile( for men) lens, and we definitely need more progressive sex education in the 21st Century that isn't so obsessed with the chastity of women and the chauvinistic virility of men, because both these views are definitely not affecting anyone positively!
This book is a step in the right direction.
It opened up my eyes to the strange surgeries that women undergo in the name of 'purity', because of some of these regimes.
Imagine my shock when I read that a Woman in one of these Gulf States, committed suicide after she had sex for the first time with her husband, but she didn't bleed, so he disputed her virginal status, and she killed herself.
That's so sad...
But then again, doesn't my own culture, the Zulu Culture, have some custom where virgins dance for the king or something, called the Reed Dance?
I actually remember hearing people talk about how they're heading to 'Umhlanga' and how they'll trick the virginity testing women, because they've fornicated, but they need to go there to prove that they're still virgins to their parents.
Other African countries have FGM.
Culture. Religion.
Wild.
Anyways, the world is so big and strange, yet small and familiar isn't it?
This book touches on many important myths such as virility, celibacy (voluntary and involuntary), and the influence of religions and even social media when it comes to our fears and worries about first time sex and sex education in general.
Furthermore, this book, is proof that, medically and socially (internationally and locally), most advice pertaining to sex is outdated and viewed on a primitive, virginal (for women), virile( for men) lens, and we definitely need more progressive sex education in the 21st Century that isn't so obsessed with the chastity of women and the chauvinistic virility of men, because both these views are definitely not affecting anyone positively!
This book is a step in the right direction.
June 19, 2022
This is absolutely essential reading for teachers of PSHE - especially in secondary schools - but also think that it’s such an important book to pick up if you’ve left school and believe that your own sex and relationships education from school was lacking.
I read this primarily as a part of a literature review for my MSc in Education. Each chapter works on debunking a different myth related to sex and relationships and covers things such as virginity (how it’s an archaic concept based on gender oppression and with a lot of religious undertones), different gendered expectations (such as the belief that men must be extremely virile and experienced, compared to virginity testing in cisgender women, breeding fear that sometimes leads to conditions such as vaginismus) and misconceptions about the experiences of LGBTQIA+ communities (such as the myth that sex must be penetrative in order to ‘count’).
This book was excellent for reinforcing the importance of equipping young people with the knowledge of things such as consent (in much more nuanced ways than just the tea video!) and how a healthy attitude towards sex does not need to be in direct opposition to religious belief.
For teachers, in light of the lack of funding or training on the 2020 RSE curriculum, this book is an absolutely pivotal read for equipping us to support our young people in developing positive future experiences relationships. For non-teachers, I believe this book is an excellent learning resource on a personal level.
I read this primarily as a part of a literature review for my MSc in Education. Each chapter works on debunking a different myth related to sex and relationships and covers things such as virginity (how it’s an archaic concept based on gender oppression and with a lot of religious undertones), different gendered expectations (such as the belief that men must be extremely virile and experienced, compared to virginity testing in cisgender women, breeding fear that sometimes leads to conditions such as vaginismus) and misconceptions about the experiences of LGBTQIA+ communities (such as the myth that sex must be penetrative in order to ‘count’).
This book was excellent for reinforcing the importance of equipping young people with the knowledge of things such as consent (in much more nuanced ways than just the tea video!) and how a healthy attitude towards sex does not need to be in direct opposition to religious belief.
For teachers, in light of the lack of funding or training on the 2020 RSE curriculum, this book is an absolutely pivotal read for equipping us to support our young people in developing positive future experiences relationships. For non-teachers, I believe this book is an excellent learning resource on a personal level.
May 31, 2022
This book is very interesting, and I think everyone should read it. It is more of an introductory text into the topic, but it is well researched and easy to read.
The author explores different topics related to sex, but it's much more than that. It reflects what is considered taboo, what myths are perpetuated by both secular and religious education institutions, media, and other resources, and how we think about sex and why. The author skillfully interweaves her own stories with the stories of people they interviewed in the broader context of patriarchal and capitalist power.
I liked that there was a lot of focus on internet culture and how it changed the sex education older generations had compared to those who grew up with the internet. On the one hand, there is a lot of information on all topics. Still, on the other hand, it is often challenging to find unbiased and reliable information because of algorithms and how they feed on extreme emotions and shock. That's why we need more robust sex education programs at school from an early age because sex education is not just about sex but also about the changes in a body during puberty, dysfunctions, anxieties, and traumas.
Although I can't entirely agree with the author on some of the topics in the book, I think this is a great book to start an open discussion about sex and what we should and should not teach our children.
The author explores different topics related to sex, but it's much more than that. It reflects what is considered taboo, what myths are perpetuated by both secular and religious education institutions, media, and other resources, and how we think about sex and why. The author skillfully interweaves her own stories with the stories of people they interviewed in the broader context of patriarchal and capitalist power.
I liked that there was a lot of focus on internet culture and how it changed the sex education older generations had compared to those who grew up with the internet. On the one hand, there is a lot of information on all topics. Still, on the other hand, it is often challenging to find unbiased and reliable information because of algorithms and how they feed on extreme emotions and shock. That's why we need more robust sex education programs at school from an early age because sex education is not just about sex but also about the changes in a body during puberty, dysfunctions, anxieties, and traumas.
Although I can't entirely agree with the author on some of the topics in the book, I think this is a great book to start an open discussion about sex and what we should and should not teach our children.
May 13, 2022
come talk books with me over at my twitter!
losing it is a brilliant look into modern sex and sexuality - namely, busting myths, broadening minds, and a scathing look at where sex education systems have failed, and are continuing to fail, generations of young people. i can't wait for the day when books like this are no longer necessary because young people are taught more than the bare minimum to ensure their sexual wellbeing. but for now, a book like this is an amazing place to start. sophia smith galer covers a range of topics with nuance and empathy, including virginity/virility myths, inceldom, and "sexlessness". i now go out of my way to seek literature and other media on topics like these; i have no choice, because i feel i've been failed failed by traditional educators (schools, parents, etc.). i always end up learning so much and am reminded how much sex and sexuality is a lifelong lesson. we have a long way to go as a society to reach a level of true sex-equity and sex-positivity, but books like losing it go a long way to bridging the gap. definitely recommend.
massive thanks to 4th estate, william collins and netgalley for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review.
losing it is a brilliant look into modern sex and sexuality - namely, busting myths, broadening minds, and a scathing look at where sex education systems have failed, and are continuing to fail, generations of young people. i can't wait for the day when books like this are no longer necessary because young people are taught more than the bare minimum to ensure their sexual wellbeing. but for now, a book like this is an amazing place to start. sophia smith galer covers a range of topics with nuance and empathy, including virginity/virility myths, inceldom, and "sexlessness". i now go out of my way to seek literature and other media on topics like these; i have no choice, because i feel i've been failed failed by traditional educators (schools, parents, etc.). i always end up learning so much and am reminded how much sex and sexuality is a lifelong lesson. we have a long way to go as a society to reach a level of true sex-equity and sex-positivity, but books like losing it go a long way to bridging the gap. definitely recommend.
massive thanks to 4th estate, william collins and netgalley for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review.
March 30, 2024
This is a great book that dispels many myths about sex, relationships, and their teaching (or lack thereof). It is written cleverly and explores the depth needed for a book for this audience. It also provides some interesting and important insights to give a much better education on this topic. It discusses both sexes, genders, and sexualities. I also love the author's personal angle and how she has applied her journalism to get prospects from experts and everyday people from other cultures and genders. While most of the myths about sex are female-centric, it was great she explored some male ones and even dared to speak about incels with more compassion than some on the sex-positive side.
However, my main complaint about this book is that it has an academic level of insight but doesn't follow proper academic rules. It is was very much written like a journalist and as such, uses phrases like "studies say" or "study from x", without out any sources referances. I can see why she didn't do this, but as a scientist, I like to see evidence, go down rabbit holes, and read the reports referenced. This knocked it down to 4 out of 5 stars, but I highly recommend it /almost make it mandated reading in a sexual education class.
However, my main complaint about this book is that it has an academic level of insight but doesn't follow proper academic rules. It is was very much written like a journalist and as such, uses phrases like "studies say" or "study from x", without out any sources referances. I can see why she didn't do this, but as a scientist, I like to see evidence, go down rabbit holes, and read the reports referenced. This knocked it down to 4 out of 5 stars, but I highly recommend it /almost make it mandated reading in a sexual education class.
July 28, 2024
Powerful,thought-provoking and in places,shocking.
Smith Galer presents a series of myths (Virginity Myth, Penetration Myth etc) and uses them to expose cultural attitudes and expectations around sex that are failing to keep up with the 21st century, where it would be nice to think we live in more enlightened times.
For example, how can we maintain the notion that "losing your virginity" is the ultimate expression of sexual awakening when it's almost exclusively expressed as penis/ vaginal penetration? How is that relevant to the non-hetero normative community?
Smith Galer presents these "new" notions of how to discuss sexuality with sensible evidence; to those of us growing up in the 70's and 80's there's a lot here that is a refreshing way of looking at the issues.
We seem to have at least developed an awareness that there are more inclusive ways to talk about sex, but there's also a stream of new (and backward) expectations that have emerged as well. This book challenges and enlightens.
Smith Galer presents a series of myths (Virginity Myth, Penetration Myth etc) and uses them to expose cultural attitudes and expectations around sex that are failing to keep up with the 21st century, where it would be nice to think we live in more enlightened times.
For example, how can we maintain the notion that "losing your virginity" is the ultimate expression of sexual awakening when it's almost exclusively expressed as penis/ vaginal penetration? How is that relevant to the non-hetero normative community?
Smith Galer presents these "new" notions of how to discuss sexuality with sensible evidence; to those of us growing up in the 70's and 80's there's a lot here that is a refreshing way of looking at the issues.
We seem to have at least developed an awareness that there are more inclusive ways to talk about sex, but there's also a stream of new (and backward) expectations that have emerged as well. This book challenges and enlightens.
April 17, 2022
Wow! What a book to read. Sophia dives in deep with her research into how sex is perceived by different people of varying backgrounds. From women who go on secret visits to a surgeon to reinstate the hymen, to those who are so anxious about having sex their body acts as a barrier to external forces.
Losing It is about sex, education around it and the impact it’s having on so many people. Are we harming our society by the poor education we provide? And porn - this industry that so many have access to who shouldn’t.
This was a really interesting book to read and one which I found really educational.
Losing It is about sex, education around it and the impact it’s having on so many people. Are we harming our society by the poor education we provide? And porn - this industry that so many have access to who shouldn’t.
This was a really interesting book to read and one which I found really educational.
November 16, 2024
The only reason I rated this 3 stars instead of 4 stars is because of the lack of sources listed. There is a bibliography at the end, but it's so short I seriously doubt all the information in this book only came from those sources. There's a lot of instances where Galer writes "a study found", "a study from *insert year* said", "a study from *insert country* found", but I don't know at all which study is being referred to so I can look it up and learn more or read it myself.
Otherwise, I did really enjoy this book, and if there wasn't this issues with sources I would have rated it 4 stars.
Otherwise, I did really enjoy this book, and if there wasn't this issues with sources I would have rated it 4 stars.
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December 27, 2025Losing It is a reader-friendly book about concepts relating to sex and how inadequate sex education is, with a UK focus. As a reader from a non-religious background and with a sort of non-conservative view on sex, I've benefited from the nuanced discussions on "virginity", "consent", and the very idea of "having sex". Galer lays out the problems relating to sex, which could be somewhat brutal, in the UK, and the urgency for society to unlearn a lot of myths. I share the hope that the next generations will learn, but not to unlearn. I also believe that essentially all the violence and abuses relating to sex, sexuality, and gender, go back to the respect for oneself and others.
March 6, 2022
Like everyone else, my sex ed at school was pretty poor. Emphasis on pregnancy, and male pleasure with a lack of information or conversation around consent or female pleasure.
This book is the sex ed you wished you had at school, from unpacking FGM, to why ‘virginity’ is bullshit, and how the patriarchy just loves to bring women down.
Sophia Smith Galer is honest about her own experiences which also gives you the reassurance you need.
I highly recommend to everyone out there, I’m making my boyfriend read this!
This book is the sex ed you wished you had at school, from unpacking FGM, to why ‘virginity’ is bullshit, and how the patriarchy just loves to bring women down.
Sophia Smith Galer is honest about her own experiences which also gives you the reassurance you need.
I highly recommend to everyone out there, I’m making my boyfriend read this!
August 11, 2022
Highly insightful, informative and educational. Fully recommend both guys and gals to have a read, particularly those who have been negatively affected and traumatised by harmful societal, cultural and religious ideologies. I wish I had this book to read when I was a young adult trying to live in a modern world whilst being raised in a conservative household that upheld a tradition of sexual myths and purity culture. Not to mention the complete lack of education in female biology, self-pleasure and consent in the school systems.
September 11, 2023
Reading this book was like torture.
Acts like a scientific self help book but doesnt really have references and also isnt really doing anything to help anyone. It complains about the fact that queerness gets ignored in sex ed then continues to mostly ignore it in her book. Also more about the worst things that happen bc of lacking sex ed and nothing on how to fix it. Also boring. Also all her good points are surface level and basic and her target audience will already agree with her and have nothing to learn
Acts like a scientific self help book but doesnt really have references and also isnt really doing anything to help anyone. It complains about the fact that queerness gets ignored in sex ed then continues to mostly ignore it in her book. Also more about the worst things that happen bc of lacking sex ed and nothing on how to fix it. Also boring. Also all her good points are surface level and basic and her target audience will already agree with her and have nothing to learn
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