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Long Days, Short Years: A Cultural History of Modern Parenting
How parenting became a verb, from Dr. Spock and June Cleaver to baby whispering and free-range kids.
When did “parenting” become a verb? Why is it so hard to parent, and so rife with the possibility of failure? Sitcom families of the past—the Cleavers, the Bradys, the Conners—didn’t seem to lose any sleep about their parenting methods. Today, parents are likely to be up late, doomscrolling on parenting websites. In Long Days, Short Years , Andrew Bomback—physician, writer, and father of three young children—looks at why it can be so much fun to be a parent but, at the same time, so frustrating and difficult to parent. It’s not a “how to” book (although Bomback has read plenty of these) but a “how come” book, investigating the emergence of an immersive, all-in approach to raising children that has made parenting a competitive (and often not very enjoyable) sport.
Drawing on parenting books, mommy blogs, and historical accounts of parental duties as well as novels, films, podcasts, television shows, and his own experiences as a parent, Bomback charts the cultural history of parenting as a skill to be mastered, from the laid-back Dr. Spock’s 1950s childcare bible—in some years outsold only by the actual Bible—to the more rigid training schedules of Babywise . Along the way, he considers the high costs of commercialized parenting (from the babymoon on), the pressure on mothers to have it all (and do it all), scripted parenting as laid out in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen , parenting during a pandemic, and much more.
When did “parenting” become a verb? Why is it so hard to parent, and so rife with the possibility of failure? Sitcom families of the past—the Cleavers, the Bradys, the Conners—didn’t seem to lose any sleep about their parenting methods. Today, parents are likely to be up late, doomscrolling on parenting websites. In Long Days, Short Years , Andrew Bomback—physician, writer, and father of three young children—looks at why it can be so much fun to be a parent but, at the same time, so frustrating and difficult to parent. It’s not a “how to” book (although Bomback has read plenty of these) but a “how come” book, investigating the emergence of an immersive, all-in approach to raising children that has made parenting a competitive (and often not very enjoyable) sport.
Drawing on parenting books, mommy blogs, and historical accounts of parental duties as well as novels, films, podcasts, television shows, and his own experiences as a parent, Bomback charts the cultural history of parenting as a skill to be mastered, from the laid-back Dr. Spock’s 1950s childcare bible—in some years outsold only by the actual Bible—to the more rigid training schedules of Babywise . Along the way, he considers the high costs of commercialized parenting (from the babymoon on), the pressure on mothers to have it all (and do it all), scripted parenting as laid out in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen , parenting during a pandemic, and much more.
184 pages, Hardcover
Published August 9, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
September 4, 2022
I wasn’t quite sure what to expect when starting this book. I have two girls (28 months and 14 months), with another arriving in 3 weeks. The author is a medical doctor who admits multiple times throughout the book that he is a better doctor than a parent. It’s a recurrent theme, whether of his own admission or an admonishment from his wife (“God forbid you treated a patient the same way you just treated your own kids”). This, for me, was really interesting and forced me to take stock of how I deal with my students and colleagues (I’m a university professor) versus how I deal with my children. “Empathy, then problem solving” comes to mind here (for both groups). This isn’t to say I mirror the author in having a large discrepancy between how I deal with these groups, but I think it is a useful exercise to go through every now and again.
This aside, I found the book itself to be a bit disorganized and that it veered into tangential runaway discussions a bit too often. What would happen is the author would go through a long story to illustrate a point, but it wasn’t super well-defined beforehand, so you’d lose the point by the time the story was concluding and then it didn’t wrap up nicely on the back end.
The overall structure was to track, through the author’s substantial investment in reading all manner of parental guides and advice books, how parenting has changed over time. This includes role expectations, societal changes, and the like. There were a few interesting nuggets here, but nothing earth shattering. The author also hits a number of anxieties and worries that parents have, which is refreshing to hear. Basically, so many people write books to tell you how they have it all figured out, how to “script” your interactions with your kids (as the author found in his readings of others’ books and tried to implement into his own parenting), or the changes you need to make to be a successful parent. This book lacked that pretentiousness. The author admitted in the prologue that this was not his intent, and it’s nice to just experience someone else’s struggles with parenting to know you’re not alone.
Very short read (141 pages), so it’s not a huge time investment. Somewhat cool change of pace from a lot of parenting books. Considering the small time investment, I’d say it’s worth checking out because it’s different. But, it won’t be without some frustrations.
This aside, I found the book itself to be a bit disorganized and that it veered into tangential runaway discussions a bit too often. What would happen is the author would go through a long story to illustrate a point, but it wasn’t super well-defined beforehand, so you’d lose the point by the time the story was concluding and then it didn’t wrap up nicely on the back end.
The overall structure was to track, through the author’s substantial investment in reading all manner of parental guides and advice books, how parenting has changed over time. This includes role expectations, societal changes, and the like. There were a few interesting nuggets here, but nothing earth shattering. The author also hits a number of anxieties and worries that parents have, which is refreshing to hear. Basically, so many people write books to tell you how they have it all figured out, how to “script” your interactions with your kids (as the author found in his readings of others’ books and tried to implement into his own parenting), or the changes you need to make to be a successful parent. This book lacked that pretentiousness. The author admitted in the prologue that this was not his intent, and it’s nice to just experience someone else’s struggles with parenting to know you’re not alone.
Very short read (141 pages), so it’s not a huge time investment. Somewhat cool change of pace from a lot of parenting books. Considering the small time investment, I’d say it’s worth checking out because it’s different. But, it won’t be without some frustrations.
September 7, 2022
As a teacher I resonated with a lot of the sentiments shared in this book. Being around kids is both rewarding but also extremely difficult and often thankless. This raw and honest account of parental growth provides a sense of hope and camaraderie.
December 24, 2022
A very fast read, but I appreciated hearing from another's perspective that parenting is indeed more difficult now than it has been before - the demands on time and effort are far more numerous and intense with higher stakes. I did have a chuckle, though, when he touched on how ADHD and other disorders are increasingly diagnosed and he muses that these are overreactions.. I am going to repeat something I've heard recently in conversation on this very notion - "There have always been this many people with ADHD - they just died young before." Impulsivity and reckless behavior? Totally makes sense. We know better now, thus we do better (and live longer). I also suspect that the author's son with SPD may be autistic. He wrote of how he doubts it is an actual concern because he had similar sensations and experiences as a child... my guy, you're probably autistic, too.
Anyway, I found this short read to be relieving and validating. Times are hard and our children are growing up in a completely new-to-humanity environment. I also appreciated the quick rundown on the popular parenting books that are often recommended.
Anyway, I found this short read to be relieving and validating. Times are hard and our children are growing up in a completely new-to-humanity environment. I also appreciated the quick rundown on the popular parenting books that are often recommended.
December 3, 2022
I’ll be honest; I have no idea why this book was on my to-read list and after reading it, I have no idea why someone published this. It’s a jumbled mess. If it would have been longer, this would have been a DNR (which is extremely rare for me).
These are the only things I remember about a book I just read:
1) He and his parents & brothers are all doctors
2) His son goes to therapy and has a processing disorder
3) He keeps saying he’s a better doctor then parent
Those things are all fine except I don’t know the author so I don’t really care about any of these things as it pertains to him.
These are the only things I remember about a book I just read:
1) He and his parents & brothers are all doctors
2) His son goes to therapy and has a processing disorder
3) He keeps saying he’s a better doctor then parent
Those things are all fine except I don’t know the author so I don’t really care about any of these things as it pertains to him.
April 6, 2026
Long Days, Short Years takes a reflective, cultural approach to understanding how modern parenting has evolved into a highly structured, often stressful identity. Andrew Bomback blends personal experience as a physician and father with cultural analysis to explore how parenting shifted from a relatively informal role into something more intensive, monitored, and self-critical.
One of the book’s strongest contributions is its historical perspective. By comparing earlier parenting models such as mid 20th century ideals with today’s highly researched, advice-heavy environment, Bomback shows how expectations for parents have dramatically increased over time. This helps explain why modern parenting can feel both deeply meaningful and unusually exhausting.
The book also thoughtfully examines the “industry” of parenting itself, including books, media, and online culture, and how these influences shape anxiety, comparison, and the feeling of never doing enough. Rather than offering strict advice, it encourages readers to step back and question why parenting has become so performance driven.
Because it is more analytical than instructional, readers looking for direct parenting strategies may find it less immediately practical. However, those interested in the cultural forces behind modern family life will find it insightful and validating.
Overall, Long Days, Short Years is a smart, reflective exploration of how parenting became a high pressure identity rather than just a life stage.
One of the book’s strongest contributions is its historical perspective. By comparing earlier parenting models such as mid 20th century ideals with today’s highly researched, advice-heavy environment, Bomback shows how expectations for parents have dramatically increased over time. This helps explain why modern parenting can feel both deeply meaningful and unusually exhausting.
The book also thoughtfully examines the “industry” of parenting itself, including books, media, and online culture, and how these influences shape anxiety, comparison, and the feeling of never doing enough. Rather than offering strict advice, it encourages readers to step back and question why parenting has become so performance driven.
Because it is more analytical than instructional, readers looking for direct parenting strategies may find it less immediately practical. However, those interested in the cultural forces behind modern family life will find it insightful and validating.
Overall, Long Days, Short Years is a smart, reflective exploration of how parenting became a high pressure identity rather than just a life stage.
Read
February 4, 2024This was kind of baffling. I couldn’t really tell what it was trying to do or what kind of structure he had in mind when he wrote it. It definitely wasn’t a comprehensive cultural history of parenting. There we very little history in it at all, actually, which is kinda what I’d been hoping for. Instead he gives us a series of loosely linked vignette-style discussions of different contemporary parenting philosophies, without ever really weighing in on whether he felt the philosophy was sound or not. The chapters all felt inconclusive—very much “???? who knows if this is good or not??? your guess is as good as mine.” Which is fine I guess? Like it’s fine to be like actually parents are ALL just making it up as they go and we’re predisposed to latch onto the latest fad because parenting is so hard and confusing. But he never actually comes out and offers that as the thesis of the book, and sometimes he’ll randomly be like “well ACTUALLY gentle parenting/free range parenting/precision parenting/attachment parenting helped me in this one random interaction with my small child” before descending back into “??? does this work?? no clue” mode lol. Anyway at least it was a very quick read.
December 15, 2022
The author's idea to present a cultural history of parenting is really good. Unfortunately I can only give the execution two stars. Maybe the book was written more for personal reasons rather than for mass consumption; at times it seemed like the writer just wanted to believe/have someone reassure him that he is a good parent (by the way, I'm sure he does just fine).
My main takeaway is the author's description of other parenting books. He appears to have read hundreds of them and gives brief synopses, which are beneficial for people like me who are interested in the topic of parenting but don't know how to narrow down the countless options to find a starting point.
This book has value. It's drawn out at times and not the most organized, but it's a short read. Besides the author's apparent lack of confidence in his parenting skills, I found his voice and story mostly likeable.
My main takeaway is the author's description of other parenting books. He appears to have read hundreds of them and gives brief synopses, which are beneficial for people like me who are interested in the topic of parenting but don't know how to narrow down the countless options to find a starting point.
This book has value. It's drawn out at times and not the most organized, but it's a short read. Besides the author's apparent lack of confidence in his parenting skills, I found his voice and story mostly likeable.
March 9, 2024
I picked this up hoping for an actual analysis of contemporary parenting culture and its development, only to find the author recounting his own parenting (and medical career) experience with surface level mention of well-known parenting books and dropping the occasional statistic with little context or critical analysis. The book is for and about highly educated upper class parents, and the author assumes everyone is sharing in his experience of anxiety and “performance” (as he repeatedly describes parenting) even when his own brother provides a brief counter-example of a relaxed parent. In short, a regurgitated New York Times or Atlantic essay put into book form.
February 8, 2023
In a way it's refreshing to see that it's not just me - parenting today is difficult, and likely much more challenging than it has been for any past generation.
But I felt like the only hope given by the author was - 'well at least it won't last forever' - thus the "short years" part of the title.
But I felt like the only hope given by the author was - 'well at least it won't last forever' - thus the "short years" part of the title.
February 27, 2023
This was a fairly interesting overview of exactly what the subtitle indicates. I listened to this one and wasn't crazy about the narrator; maybe it would have been four stars if I had read it myself?
*Thanks to Libro.fm and the publisher for providing an ALC in exchange for an honest review.
*Thanks to Libro.fm and the publisher for providing an ALC in exchange for an honest review.
March 6, 2023
This was a fast read. Maybe it’s the anthropologist in me, but I wouldn’t call this a cultural history- it’s too surface level for that. But it’s an interesting highlight reel of some of the more notable changes in parenting philosophy over the last century.
December 29, 2023
My 15 year old daughter asked why I was reading a parenting book. It isn’t an advice-giving kind of book, it’s just interesting. I don’t know many who would want to read this, non-fiction isn’t for everyone.
August 30, 2022
Great overview of popular parenting books (plus author’s personal narrative)
April 23, 2024
This man missed the mark. So boring. Oddly traditional. off putting: patting yourself on the back for being good at his job while telling us he’s bad at parenting, but they are the same?
July 9, 2024
Parenting books always intrigue me, I always want them to have less about the family, author etc and their own daily parenting notes and more about what to do. This felt like the same old parenting book, just spun from the husbands perspective of how important being present in the small time you have with kids is. While there were several things I absolutely shook my head and agreed with, I just didn't seem to love the book. Felt more like a personal story than a cultural history of modern parenting.
October 14, 2024
as someone who enjoys parenting, I didn’t feel I got anything out of reading this book.
December 12, 2023
Someone told this doctor/father he was a better doctor than father, so he read many parenting books.
I mean we are here reading parenting books because we have this anxiety that we are not optimal parents for our children and now it feels sort of meta to be reading this guy’s regurgitated owl pellet of a parenting book about how he read a million parenting books to try to become a better parent.
The fact that he is a problem-solver at heart is very relatable, because when my three year old is full on meltdown I do want to solve that problem for her, whatever it is. But the big takeaway for me from his list of takeaways is empathy before solutions.
Empathy before solutions, because we are here to guide them towards finding their own solutions and our love and empathy will put them in the space where they feel ready to start problem-solving themselves.
I mean, ideally.
I mean we are here reading parenting books because we have this anxiety that we are not optimal parents for our children and now it feels sort of meta to be reading this guy’s regurgitated owl pellet of a parenting book about how he read a million parenting books to try to become a better parent.
The fact that he is a problem-solver at heart is very relatable, because when my three year old is full on meltdown I do want to solve that problem for her, whatever it is. But the big takeaway for me from his list of takeaways is empathy before solutions.
Empathy before solutions, because we are here to guide them towards finding their own solutions and our love and empathy will put them in the space where they feel ready to start problem-solving themselves.
I mean, ideally.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews