Love & Genetics

by Mark MacDonald, Rachel Elliott

When a family secret comes to light, lives are changed forever in this honest, beautiful, and sometimes painful memoir. When Mark, adopted at birth, set out to FIND his genetic family as an adult, he found something he never expected-three full-blood siblings, including a persistent sister who would alter the course of his life. He finds himself faced with the emotional task of coming to know his entire birth family, along with the unintended impact it has on his parents and his marriage. This raises age-old questions around the understanding of his own identity and his place in the world-now framed in extraordinarily real and explicit terms: What defines family? Nature or nurture? Life rarely affords such an opportunity for self-examination.




The story focuses on the relationship that develops between Mark and his sister, Rachel, as they discover each other through constant letters and eventual face-to-face meetings. When Rachel learns that Mark and his wife are struggling with having children, a radical idea takes over-could she, a sister he never knew and still barely knows, one who lives on the other side of the country, possibly carry their child? Would they trust her to? Including original correspondence between Rachel, Mark, and their biological mother, Marilyn, Love & Genetics follows the events of a tumultuous year in an astonishing story of love, loss, and the meaning of family.

Genres: Nonfiction

204 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 22, 2022

Reviews

[C · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an adoptive parent who is raising a son (12) that recently entered into a relationship with his biological family, this was an insightful read. Even though Mark and my son were vastly different ages when they reunited with their biological families (and in my son's case, the reunion was initiated by the biological family), I see a lot of my son's behavior reflected in Mark. I appreciated Mark's vulnerability in sharing his feelings throughout the journey of meeting and growing in connection to his biological family. My son hasn't had the words (or maturity) to articulate his feelings in his own personal journey, but his feelings seem to be quite similar to what Mark expressed. This book was a gem in that it gave me a glimpse into the heart and mind of my son with words that he hasn't been able to share with me yet. An unexpected bonus for me was to read the correspondence with Mark's birth mother. It provided a glimpse into some of the emotions my son's birth mother may be navigating, which I hope will increase my sensitivity and compassion for her perspective in this unique relationship.

Even if you are not personally touched by the experience of adoption, you will find it a page-turning read.

[Lanette Sweeney · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an amazing story of loving connections. The Canadian author, Mark, was adopted in infancy by loving parents and lived a happy, uneventful childhood. His wife, Tina, is unable to bear children due to kidney disease, thereby ending Mark's hope of ever having a genetic connection with anyone else.

Mark, feeling mildly curious, looks up his bio mother through the Canadian adoption registry, which is notorious for taking many years to put bio parents and children in touch. Suddenly, laws pass in Canada that change the glacial pace and Mark is put in touch with his birth mother, who he discovers is married to his birth father and has three other children -- Mark's full siblings. From having no biological connections even possible to him to now having a whole family full of them is quite the shift and consumes Mark's every waking moment.

From the happy reunion to the even more amazing miracle that takes place as a result is for you to discover yourselves as you read this book, which I highly recommend.

Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for providing me with a free ecopy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Mia White · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an adoptive parent, this candid chronicle of a search for and (spoiler alert!) ultimate reunion of birth-family was an inspiration. I especially appreciated the multi-vantage narrative and how the various perspectives provided a faceted glimpse at the emotionally complex and nuanced process of reunification, redefinition, and expansion of Family. The secondary story of surrogacy is such a beautiful illustration of the fruit of that kaleidoscope of familial love! I am certain this generously documented true story will be a blessing to many similarly assembled families.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really amazing and unique book—I don't know if I've ever read a memoir that felt this honest and raw, and it was such a beautiful story! Just a warning, though, that you probably won't want to read this book on the train or something, unless you're okay with others seeing you cry—you *will* cry!

[Louise Gray · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very interesting analysis of what is surely emerging as an even bigger issue for our society. I found the different perspectives fascinating and there was enough technical information on legal and scientific factors to provide important and relevant context.

[Sunnyskiesbrighteyes · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a remarkable memoir with the most fitting title. I was moved to tears several times. This true story of love, adoption, surrogacy and what it means to be family is an incredibly moving read.

[Lisa Fougère · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful and beautifully written story! So much love and hope and family, I adored it.

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent! A true story with many moving parts - about family, belonging, gratefulness, respect and love. As I genealogist this offers great insight into what it means to be a family.

[Emmie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was deeply moving and touching. Themes about family and the importance of our origin run deep in this true story. I appreciated the various perspectives presented about adoption, family of origin, and surrogacy found within these pages.

Rachel’s chapters were particularly touching to me and I related with many of her thoughts and emotions. Mark is a very specific and intricate storyteller and his voice is incredibly valuable as well.

The real letters and e-mails included in this book made it a uniquely powerful book to read. The vulnerability revealed by the correspondence sections was invaluable and beautiful.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone, but especially those curious about the intricacies of family ties and the emotional bonds that can come through redemption and healing.

[Angie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir is written by two authors, Mark and Rachel, who are biological siblings but never knew each other existed. When Mark's wife Tina is told that she cannot safely conceive a baby due to her kidney disease, Mark decides he wants to learn more about his family history before making a choice between adoption and surrogacy with his wife. Mark was born in Canada and was adopted but had no previous information about his biological parents. Through a long process he is able to connect with the adoption registry in Canada and eventually get in contact with his birth parents and full siblings. Rachel, one of his siblings also shares the story from her perspective, so while it is mainly Mark telling the story, some chapters are about (and I'm guessing written primarily by) Rachel.

I enjoyed the story, I love adoption memoirs and the surrogacy aspects were interesting as well. I loved the Canadian context and learning more about the adoption process in Canada's history. I did find the story a bit slow at times. I loved the detail and care the authors put into writing this, especially down to the exact wording of the information Mark received from the registry prior to finding his biological parents. That is honestly a part of history and something that should be recorded as I never would have guessed that things like the physical appearance of the birth mother's father's siblings would have been recorded! These kinds of details did slow down the story, but like I said, cool information.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for giving me the chance to read and review this book.

[Kait Vanderlaan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a heartfelt story of finding connection with biological family after adoption. I don’t want to give too much away but this had me tearing up at times and I loved the different perspectives offered in this book. Insightful read about what makes someone family both adoptive and through birth. Definitely recommend this memoir!