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If Not for You
On the 17th November 2019, Grey Atticus Fox was born, nine weeks early, to Georgie and Mike in a Kent hospital.
Heart wrenching, cathartic, life-affirming, this is her account of the 21 days they had together, and its aftermath - the search/struggle to make sense of unimaginable loss. It bears witness to both the confusion and the clarity that accompany great pain, and stands as a testament to empathy, care and humanity when life is at its hardest.
'We were looked after by strangers who became family, and he saw more kindness, more love, in twenty-one days than some might see in a lifetime. For his brief moments in this world, he experienced all of the very best things it can offer.'
Georgie's spare, intimate and at times surprisingly comic writing offers an extraordinary message of hope. If Not For You is about the redeeming power of love and the light it shines, even in our darkest hour.
Heart wrenching, cathartic, life-affirming, this is her account of the 21 days they had together, and its aftermath - the search/struggle to make sense of unimaginable loss. It bears witness to both the confusion and the clarity that accompany great pain, and stands as a testament to empathy, care and humanity when life is at its hardest.
'We were looked after by strangers who became family, and he saw more kindness, more love, in twenty-one days than some might see in a lifetime. For his brief moments in this world, he experienced all of the very best things it can offer.'
Georgie's spare, intimate and at times surprisingly comic writing offers an extraordinary message of hope. If Not For You is about the redeeming power of love and the light it shines, even in our darkest hour.
- GenresNonfiction
320 pages, Hardcover
Published January 27, 2022
3 people are currently reading
177 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
March 14, 2022
Georgina’s darling son, Grey, lived for 21 days in the NICU - hell in heaven, as she so aptly described if - before her and her husband were forced to make decisions no parent ever should.
This memoir is utterly heartbreaking and yet brilliantly hopeful and bursting with love. As a fellow NICU parent, reading it felt a bit like free therapy. Well £12.50 therapy, which was worth every penny and then some.
Georgina is an outstanding writer and this book somehow manages to be occasionally funny and uplifting in the darkest of circumstances. It sounds like it should be a depressing read, but it isn’t. Hard, yes. Did I sob? Uncontrollably. But it was a total privilege to read, to ‘know’ Grey through his mother’s words.
This memoir is utterly heartbreaking and yet brilliantly hopeful and bursting with love. As a fellow NICU parent, reading it felt a bit like free therapy. Well £12.50 therapy, which was worth every penny and then some.
Georgina is an outstanding writer and this book somehow manages to be occasionally funny and uplifting in the darkest of circumstances. It sounds like it should be a depressing read, but it isn’t. Hard, yes. Did I sob? Uncontrollably. But it was a total privilege to read, to ‘know’ Grey through his mother’s words.
March 29, 2022
Lucas is a London fashion journalist in her mid-30s. In November 2019, while she was pregnant and on holiday in Kent with her husband, MG, and their 18-month-old son, Finn, she started bleeding and was rushed to hospital, where she gave birth to their second child, Grey, at 31 weeks. Their days quickly fell into a routine: waking up early at their Airbnb so she could pump breastmilk, then visiting Grey in the NICU while her mum watched Finn. She conveys the rhythm of these days in comforting detail, though the actual events become repetitive. Being away from home made it feel like a time outside of time. It was soon clear that Grey was not developing as expected, but not as a result of prematurity. Chromosome testing plus an MRI showed that he was missing vital components of his brain and would not live a normal life off of a ventilator. When the time came to remove mechanical support and allow him to die, Grey had been with them for just three weeks.
Mary Karr, author of the memoirist’s bible The Art of Memoir, suggests seven years as an ideal time between an experience and writing it up, to give a necessary sense of perspective. I asked myself frequently while reading this if Lucas should have waited longer to tell her story. On the one hand, her recall for the blow by blow of those few intense weeks and the months that followed his funeral (and led into the pandemic) is impressive, such that she is able to recreate believable dialogue and pick out tiny moments that might have been lost to memory. Her pen portraits of the medical staff and other parents at the NICU are a highlight (though she doesn’t match Francesca Segal’s Mother Ship), and she finds flashes of humour, e.g. her husband’s jokes.
On the other hand, the second half of the book does slip into mawkishness; Lucas is prone to repeatedly insisting how much Grey changed her whole family, giving them all a sense of what was really important. I also found that I wanted more of a balance between granular detail and reflection from hindsight. I can imagine this book being helpful for those who have gone through a similar experience, but I have read memoirs of child loss that are much better as works of literature (Once More We Saw Stars, Comfort, Notes for the Everlost, An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination, and so on).
(Note: Lucas has since had a third son, Bear.)
Mary Karr, author of the memoirist’s bible The Art of Memoir, suggests seven years as an ideal time between an experience and writing it up, to give a necessary sense of perspective. I asked myself frequently while reading this if Lucas should have waited longer to tell her story. On the one hand, her recall for the blow by blow of those few intense weeks and the months that followed his funeral (and led into the pandemic) is impressive, such that she is able to recreate believable dialogue and pick out tiny moments that might have been lost to memory. Her pen portraits of the medical staff and other parents at the NICU are a highlight (though she doesn’t match Francesca Segal’s Mother Ship), and she finds flashes of humour, e.g. her husband’s jokes.
On the other hand, the second half of the book does slip into mawkishness; Lucas is prone to repeatedly insisting how much Grey changed her whole family, giving them all a sense of what was really important. I also found that I wanted more of a balance between granular detail and reflection from hindsight. I can imagine this book being helpful for those who have gone through a similar experience, but I have read memoirs of child loss that are much better as works of literature (Once More We Saw Stars, Comfort, Notes for the Everlost, An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination, and so on).
(Note: Lucas has since had a third son, Bear.)
July 10, 2023
“He was looked after by strangers who became family, and saw more kindness, more love, in twenty-one days than some might see in a lifetime. For his brief moments in this world, he experienced all of the very best things it can offer.” Very sad book about Georgina's second son, Grey, who lived for just 21 days.
August 25, 2022
Even though I knew the outcome it was still gut wrenching but so brilliant at the same time. It shows incredible human kindness even in the worst of times.
February 2, 2022
A beautiful, sensitive memoir. The heartbreaking but honest story of the premature birth and short life of of the writer's second son, Grey. The book deals with love, anguish, grief and hope - profound emotions so well expressed that you feel you are there in the NICU with Georgina and Mike every step of the way. Yet it is not all sad, there are so many touches of humour and examples of true humanity that you want to keep reading through the tears. I am sure this book will help many who have faced similar tragedies and enable those who have not to understand. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words with us, Georgina.
January 26, 2022
This is a beautiful book. Love pours out of every page, but it is not saccharine, it is real. Georgina is a fantastic writer, I am truly sorry she and her family have had to go through this.
August 11, 2022
“He was looked after by strangers who became family, and saw more kindness, more love, in twenty-one days than some might see in a lifetime. For his brief moments in this world, he experienced all of the very best things it can offer.”
Having just finished this book, I struggle to put into words what a powerful story this is. Warmth, beauty and heart radiate off of the pages. Georgina and Grey’s story will sit with me forever and I feel so privileged to have heard about their journey together. This is a truly incredible story of love and loss and motherhood.
Having just finished this book, I struggle to put into words what a powerful story this is. Warmth, beauty and heart radiate off of the pages. Georgina and Grey’s story will sit with me forever and I feel so privileged to have heard about their journey together. This is a truly incredible story of love and loss and motherhood.
April 9, 2023
Georgina's book captures the turbulence of NICU so well. There were times when I could have changed the names and I would have been reading about my own family, as there was so much shared experience. This book is beautifully and bravely written. A perfect tribute to the lasting impact a short life can have. I would recommend this book to anyone supporting a loved one through a stay in NICU Ns a loss, as Georgina has put into words things I would never be able to describe myself.
December 9, 2023
Oh how I howled through this book. A story about the power of love and kindness showed through the birth of a premature baby.
Beautifully written. I would recommend this book (but perhaps not to new mothers or newly conceived mothers).
Little Grey - I will also think of you now when I see the stars out at night. Arohanui to the Lucas family.
Beautifully written. I would recommend this book (but perhaps not to new mothers or newly conceived mothers).
Little Grey - I will also think of you now when I see the stars out at night. Arohanui to the Lucas family.
October 3, 2025
Oh how I howled through this book. A story about the power of love and kindness showed through the birth of a premature baby.
Beautifully written. I would recommend this book (but perhaps not to new mothers or newly conceived mothers).
Little Grey - I will also think of you now when I see the stars out at night. Arohanui to the Lucas family.
Beautifully written. I would recommend this book (but perhaps not to new mothers or newly conceived mothers).
Little Grey - I will also think of you now when I see the stars out at night. Arohanui to the Lucas family.
March 26, 2023
Amazing. Everyone needs to read this book.
July 21, 2023
I wept this was such a beautiful and stirring book, thank you for sharing your story.
June 30, 2025
I LOVE this book.
Such a tragic story, but reminds us of the beauty in love and the world. I sobbed all throughout this book, as I was consistantly reminded of the power of unconditional love.
If you are a parent, or honestly just someone with a heart, you will love this.
Such a tragic story, but reminds us of the beauty in love and the world. I sobbed all throughout this book, as I was consistantly reminded of the power of unconditional love.
If you are a parent, or honestly just someone with a heart, you will love this.
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February 21, 2025Insanely devastating yet beautifully hopeful and full of love. Such a powerful story and so wonderfully written, it was an honour to read and to get to know little Grey.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews