Her Say: Survivors of Domestic Abuse Tell Their Own Stories

by Jackie Clark

In 2013, Jackie Clark launched The Aunties, a grassroots charity helping women to rebuild their lives after a period of trauma. She quit her job, turning her back on her comfortable life, to focus on The Aunties full-time, becoming Aunty in Charge and assisting hundreds of women with material needs and emotional support. Jackie has long dreamed of a publication that gives these women a voice. This powerful new book features the stories of a number of very different New Zealand women, told their way. The collected stories chart their narrators’ lives and personal histories, through the lens of having lived with – and escaped – an abusive relationship. Her Say is spoken from the heart, uncompromising but offering hope, redemption, personal triumph. It’s a book for all women, showing how owning our stories gives us the power to write daring new endings. It will challenge, illuminate, and empower readers – not to mention the storytellers themselves.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism

256 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 2, 2021

Reviews

[Jillian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Devastating, but very important accounts of domestic abuse by survivors in their own words.

[Delwyn Dickson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant

This book is powerful and honest and riveting.
All the brave women who shared their stories have my immense respect.

[Anne Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Her Say is not a book I feel I can review by writing a critique of the personal essays that it contains. They are what they are: real stories, in their own words, of women who have experienced domestic violence in its many forms and moved forward with their lives, connecting and working with The Aunties at some stage in their journey. In her introduction, Jackie Clark who founded The Aunties, writes "At The Aunties we have a very strong kaupapa of giving with love and without judgement.... our Aunties have enabled the whanau we work with to experience wonderful Christmases, eat properly on a regular basis, have access to cultural, educational and sporting opportunities, get drivers' licences, obtain and fix the essential cars in their lives, and rediscover what fun can be". And one of the themes that ran through all the stories, and stuck with me, was that The Aunties "interventions" were not dictated by what they thought was needed, but were simply in response to what these woman said they needed. And maybe that's one of the cornerstones really - from the very outset The Aunties approach is about empowering people who have long lost, or have never had, their own voice and the belief that they can determine what should happen next. Some stories were an insight into worlds, lives, relationships, parenting, schooling very different from my own. Others were more familiar. All the women are different, all their stories are different, all their paths out of domestic abuse and into futures of their own choosing are different. The Aunties is the thread that weaves them together.

[Jaime Tiavale · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have no words...

Domestic violence is talked about SO MUCH but we never actually hear stories from survivors and how it lurks in the background causing not only physical damage but mental damage for years to come.
This book made me tear up through multiple stories and I cannot imagine the strength and courage it would have taken these incredible women to tell their raw experiences of domestic abuse.

I appreciated the way that the stories mostly tied up with how they met Jackie and the various things her and The Aunties have done to help get them out of abusive households. Abuse is talked about a lot but the realities of women that actually are going through, isn't. It's the type of book that tears you apart but also makes you uncomfortable in such a significant way. This is the type of 'uncomfortable' society needs to wake up and actively work on changing not only our systems but our people.

It has definitely been a bit of a triggering read but I've never felt so supported and heard, just reading these women's stories. Realising you aren't alone and your feelings of isolation and hurt during relationships are entirely valid. Abuse can be so subtle you don't realise it has even happened until you're years down the line trying to heal.

This has been such a ramble but I have so many things to say about this book, to these women, to Jackie and The Aunties, and to those going through similar situations. 5/5 stars, if I could rate it more I would!

[Tanya TL · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a difficult read because it was so hard to see the things that these survivors and their children went through. It was very tempting to just stop reading altogether, to try to put these horrible things out of your mind and simply move on with your usual day in your usual comfortable surroundings. Which brought home to me why domestic abuse continues on and is so insidious. If I cannot even bear to read about this, imagine how it felt to have lived through it, and to have to tell your story to family, friends, the authorities to try to seek help, when the first instinct of probably every person who has never experienced it is to shut their eyes and cover their ears to drown out the story and avoid the discomfort of being confronted with the realities of a society that allows this poisonous behavior to still exist today. So this book is a necessary read. And there is light at the end of the tunnel especially with the support of the amazing people like the Aunties and other organisations who give survivors the tools and space and light to come into their own power and make their own way into a better life.

[Bathsheba · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not sure really when I started reading this, I just know that I had to read one story at a time and take breaks between stories because of how .... familiar they were.

The strength of this book lies in the honesty of the women telling their story and holding themselves up to a mirror and then feeling empowered to share their journey through addictions, coercive control, survival and reclaiming their autonomy. I am in awe of them finding the strength within themselves to get out of their situations, often one's they grew up in and more so that they were able to let go of their fierce independence for a moment to ask for the help they needed.

[Cedar · Rating 4 out of 5]

A devastating yet hopeful book. A challenging book that forces the reader to acknowledge that those in violent situations know best what they need and that well meaning government initiatives or programmes are ineffective if they dont meet people where they are at. Jackie Clark and the Aunties are helping women stand in their power and it's remarkable.

[Abi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Courageous book, very thought provoking collection of first hand accounts of domestic abuse. So many similarities across some of the stories that some of them blur together in my mind. NZ needs to do better.

[Naomi B · Rating 3 out of 5]

A difficult book to make statement on the rating but the stories are each important and powerful in their own right and brave to share, many referencing the point of meeting or engaging with the safe community of support with The Aunties.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

[Joe · Rating 5 out of 5]

A variety hour of anecdotes of domestic horror, hosted by, your friend and mine, Auntie Jackie Clark.

[Marilyn Hunt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Raw, compelling stories by survivors of domestic abuse, in their own words.

[Kayla Xerri · Rating 5 out of 5]

The empowerment I felt from reading the stories of these women is unmatched.