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You Can Adopt: An Adoptive Families Guide
From Adoptive Families magazine, the country’s leading resource on adoption, this warm, authoritative book is full of practical, realistic advice from leading attorneys, doctors, social workers, and psychologists, as well as honest, intimate stories from real parents and children. You Can Adopt answers every question–even the ones you’re afraid to
• When should I shift from fertility treatment to adoption?
• How do I talk to my spouse about adoption?
• Can we find a healthy baby?
• Do I need an attorney? An adoption agency?
• Can the birth mother take the baby back?
• How much will this really cost? How long will it take?
• Aren’t all adopted children unhappy?
• Can I love a child who “isn’t mine”?
• How can I ease the rest of my family into this decision?
Complete with checklists and worksheets, You Can Adopt will help make your dreams of family come true.
• When should I shift from fertility treatment to adoption?
• How do I talk to my spouse about adoption?
• Can we find a healthy baby?
• Do I need an attorney? An adoption agency?
• Can the birth mother take the baby back?
• How much will this really cost? How long will it take?
• Aren’t all adopted children unhappy?
• Can I love a child who “isn’t mine”?
• How can I ease the rest of my family into this decision?
Complete with checklists and worksheets, You Can Adopt will help make your dreams of family come true.
320 pages, Paperback
First published July 28, 2009
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
November 19, 2009
This book has helped me SO MUCH!! My wife and I are beginning the process of Adoption. As a therapist, I am often encountered with the difficult end of adoption and the situations in which adoptees develop emotional or behavioral problems. In all honesty, I was a bit worried that this might be typical with adoption. That is, until I read about the SIBS study included in this book.
The SIBS study is a longitudinal study out of Michigan in which adopted kids were compared on several variables to kids raised by their biological parents. After following these kids for many years the researchers found no discernible difference between adopted and non-adopted children in academic performance, self-esteem, and behavioral problems. I was hoping for this but it was so awesome to finally see it confirmed in black and white! An interesting sidenote is that the authors mentioned that adoptees are twice as likely to be enrolled in therapy because their parents often have more economic resources, may be more sensitive to difficulties (after having spent years to get this child), and because they were more familiar with social services (having gone through counseling while adopting, which is often required). This explained why I see a high ratio of adopted kids to non-adopted kids in treatment. Again, very helpful!
This book is filled with quotes and stories from adoptive families and adoptees to help the reader with the subtle nuances of adoption. It could not have been more helpful.
The SIBS study is a longitudinal study out of Michigan in which adopted kids were compared on several variables to kids raised by their biological parents. After following these kids for many years the researchers found no discernible difference between adopted and non-adopted children in academic performance, self-esteem, and behavioral problems. I was hoping for this but it was so awesome to finally see it confirmed in black and white! An interesting sidenote is that the authors mentioned that adoptees are twice as likely to be enrolled in therapy because their parents often have more economic resources, may be more sensitive to difficulties (after having spent years to get this child), and because they were more familiar with social services (having gone through counseling while adopting, which is often required). This explained why I see a high ratio of adopted kids to non-adopted kids in treatment. Again, very helpful!
This book is filled with quotes and stories from adoptive families and adoptees to help the reader with the subtle nuances of adoption. It could not have been more helpful.
April 23, 2018
When my daughter told me she and her husband were planning to foster a child with the intention of adopting, I wasn't surprised, but I knew I had a lot of homework to do. "You Can Adopt" was a great book to help me start to understand this whole new world. The personal stories in the sidebars helped illustrate the more technical information provided in the text. The authors covered various types of adoptions, what questions to ask birth mothers, attorneys, etc., costs, the pros and cons of open adoptions, and so much more. Very worthwhile.
February 3, 2022
Of the books on adoption from the library, this one had more of the kinds of information I wanted. It’s 13 years old and facts have changed at this point, and there were some ableist prospective parent comments that would have been better omitted, like one woman who uses the comeback “I guess only defective people deserve defective children”
as a retort to a judgmental woman who says if she hadn’t been able to have her six biological children, she would adopt kids with special needs. I can’t sympathize with someone who would use the word defective to describe a blameless child.
as a retort to a judgmental woman who says if she hadn’t been able to have her six biological children, she would adopt kids with special needs. I can’t sympathize with someone who would use the word defective to describe a blameless child.
February 1, 2023
this book has been inspirational and wildly helpful in guiding us with some first steps & thoughtful conversation topics for our adoption journey. it helped us to open our minds to fost-adopt when we were originally closed to the option. now we are excited to adopt one or two children who are already waiting for families.
August 26, 2017
This is a great book as my partner & I are just discussing adoption. We are certain to come back to this book as we progress through the adoption process, but this was able to start some open conversations with each other before we even start.
May 27, 2017
VERY informative and set my mind at ease about several questions. I'm glad I read this first as I begin my adoption journey! The website is also chock full of great resources.
September 12, 2017
This book was extremely helpful. It was a very good book to read first as we are starting to consider this process. Had lots of honest, helpful tips and lists.
January 21, 2018
As someone just starting adoption research, I thought this book was a fantastic read. It was accessible, informative and digestible. It helped me feel less overwhelmed.
May 6, 2018
This is a great reference book, with all the specifics about all 3 kinda of adoptions. If I had to refer someone to a general overview with step by step instructions, it’d be You Can Adopt.
October 17, 2019
Really fantastic resource when learning about adoption! I learned so much and they had a very positive approach which I appreciated. Lots of FAQ’s.
July 21, 2013
I agree with another poster who said that this is the best adoption book read thus far. It's informative, not condescending, and offers a ton of food for thought. A lot of the information I already knew, since we're already started on the process. However, there was some new information and this is a great resource for parents just starting on their adoption journey.
A couple of my favorite quotes -
"Families never stop growing and learning from one another. Understanding teaches courage; courage teaches stability; stability teaches trust; trust teaches acceptance; acceptance teaches love; and love makes the human heart elastic enough to make adoption less of a commodity transaction and more of an extension of family. That is an adoptee's advice about good adoptive parenting" (266).
"We brought Fisseha home two years ago, at age ten, and it was the easiest of any of our children. Everyone should start their families with ten-year-old Ethiopian boys! I tell other parents who are looking into adopting older kids that the start-up is like a newborn - it is all-consuming and exhausting. But after three months, instead of having a three-month-old, you've got a child who can be recruited for the soccer team, or who's started piano lessons, or who's in Brownies. It's intense at the beginning, but you get a child who can become part of your life faster than a baby can" (Melissa, 61).
adoptivefamilies.com/adoption
A couple of my favorite quotes -
"Families never stop growing and learning from one another. Understanding teaches courage; courage teaches stability; stability teaches trust; trust teaches acceptance; acceptance teaches love; and love makes the human heart elastic enough to make adoption less of a commodity transaction and more of an extension of family. That is an adoptee's advice about good adoptive parenting" (266).
"We brought Fisseha home two years ago, at age ten, and it was the easiest of any of our children. Everyone should start their families with ten-year-old Ethiopian boys! I tell other parents who are looking into adopting older kids that the start-up is like a newborn - it is all-consuming and exhausting. But after three months, instead of having a three-month-old, you've got a child who can be recruited for the soccer team, or who's started piano lessons, or who's in Brownies. It's intense at the beginning, but you get a child who can become part of your life faster than a baby can" (Melissa, 61).
adoptivefamilies.com/adoption
October 16, 2012
This is the best adoption book I've read, and the one I wish I'd read first. It answered every one of my questions, I mean that, every one. Even the hard ones like "can we choose a child?" and "will we be able to love this child enough?" It's written in a very natural tone and sprinkled throughout are pictures of real children who have been adopted, as well as real stories of families who have been through it, which is extremely encouraging in a "look! It CAN happen!" kind of way.
I now know what exactly goes into a home study (not as bad as I thought!), and have a checklist of paperwork that we'll need to get together (worse than I thought!). I have a much better understanding of agency versus public entity, adopt versus foster-adopt, and domestic versus international. This book is like Adoption 101, 201, and advanced placement. I am so much more educated than any amount of online reading or the other titles I've tried have left me. And best of all, I'm so much more positive about the whole thing. After a series of books lent to me by an adoption specialist left us a little scared, this book with its entirely different tone has been a game changer.
If you only read one book on adoption (and don't, read lots), but if you only read one, read this one.
(note to self: revisit this later for the chapter "What do I tell my child? Good stuff in there.)
I now know what exactly goes into a home study (not as bad as I thought!), and have a checklist of paperwork that we'll need to get together (worse than I thought!). I have a much better understanding of agency versus public entity, adopt versus foster-adopt, and domestic versus international. This book is like Adoption 101, 201, and advanced placement. I am so much more educated than any amount of online reading or the other titles I've tried have left me. And best of all, I'm so much more positive about the whole thing. After a series of books lent to me by an adoption specialist left us a little scared, this book with its entirely different tone has been a game changer.
If you only read one book on adoption (and don't, read lots), but if you only read one, read this one.
(note to self: revisit this later for the chapter "What do I tell my child? Good stuff in there.)
January 24, 2015
This is a thorough introduction to adoption. It touches on subjects of interest from international adoption to adoption as a single parent. If you're thinking about adoption but know nothing about it, this is a good place to start.
Much of the book is quotes or essays from adoptive parents, adoptees and foster parents. I didn't read all these features, but the ones I did read were honest, not just mushy "Everything is great. Adoption is the best." They talk about what it feels like for an adoption to fall through or to not love your adopted child like you feel you should or to be judged by friends (who did not adopt at all) for adopting internationally.
In the adoption literature I've read so far in general, I find that parents who adopt despite being able to have bio children are underrepresented, when they are mentioned at all. I understand for many parents that adoption becomes a choice once traditional methods (e.g. Barry White and little shimmy-shake dance by your partner) fail. But for some, who do not have the misfortune of being unable to have their own children but are interested in adoption instead, it would be helpful to see someone like them and understand the unique challenges in that department.
A great read. Highly recommend for anybody who is considering adopting or who wants to understand better what adoption is about.
Much of the book is quotes or essays from adoptive parents, adoptees and foster parents. I didn't read all these features, but the ones I did read were honest, not just mushy "Everything is great. Adoption is the best." They talk about what it feels like for an adoption to fall through or to not love your adopted child like you feel you should or to be judged by friends (who did not adopt at all) for adopting internationally.
In the adoption literature I've read so far in general, I find that parents who adopt despite being able to have bio children are underrepresented, when they are mentioned at all. I understand for many parents that adoption becomes a choice once traditional methods (e.g. Barry White and little shimmy-shake dance by your partner) fail. But for some, who do not have the misfortune of being unable to have their own children but are interested in adoption instead, it would be helpful to see someone like them and understand the unique challenges in that department.
A great read. Highly recommend for anybody who is considering adopting or who wants to understand better what adoption is about.
February 23, 2011
This was an excellant book for any person who is considuring adoption for their family. The booked walked you through the process and was great about explaining possible problems that you may incure on your journey while carefully making suggestions on what to do. I also enjoyed the adoption stories that peppered each page of the book. I highly suggest this book to any prospective adoptive parent.
June 7, 2013
Reads kinda like a textbook but provides a good unbiased look at different types of adoption. I would recommend this book to people beginning adoption research.
I was already familiar with most of the info but there were lots of tidbits I got from each section too! I've been listening a lot to http://www.fosterpodcast.com/ but some of the information about infant domestic and international adoption was new to me.
I was already familiar with most of the info but there were lots of tidbits I got from each section too! I've been listening a lot to http://www.fosterpodcast.com/ but some of the information about infant domestic and international adoption was new to me.
March 31, 2010
Concise, practical book on adopting. I was a little put off by the slight "you deserve a baby" tone in places and the pics of mostly white infant adoptees. I still anticipate continuing to refer to it.
February 22, 2011
A lot of this book seemed like common sense, but it did bring up issues that I hadn't really thought about. My favorite parts were the different adoption stories. They were all so unique! I'm so curious to see how ours turns out.
May 19, 2012
Great first read. Everyone considering adoption and not knowing where to start - THIS is where you start! The knowledge you'll gain from this book is enormous and will help you make some decisions.
June 27, 2013
Very informative for anyone considering adoption. Much of the information can also be found on the Adoptive Families website, but the book is well-organized and easy to read. There are also a lot of blurbs from different adoptive families telling about their experiences.
June 28, 2013
This was the first adoption book I read after we decided to adopt. What a great choice. It answered all my initial questions and helped confirm that we were making a great choice. I have read other adoption books and they haven't even compared to this one.
September 19, 2025
This is a great overall book about all things adoption. There are some heart-warming personal experiences and then there is also overwhelming information about the realities of adoption. Sigh.
August 15, 2015
Positive, practical, useful, informative.
June 2, 2010
Still reading this book... but loving it. Really insightful to the world of adoption, and makes the process seem less daunting.
September 23, 2010
A great question and answer style book that covers many facets of adoption. Also contains many heartwarming stories.
October 6, 2011
A good introduction to adoption. Not the only book I'd want to read on the subject, though.
October 31, 2012
My favorite part was hearing from kids who had been adopted. Those were really reassuring.
March 6, 2013
Good resource for deciding on what type of adoption is right for you.
April 1, 2013
Incredibly helpful! It has everything you need to know if you're thinking about adopting or have just started the process. Very clear answers to questions you didn't even think to ask!
January 29, 2014
This answered virtually every initial question I've had about adoption. Though we probably won't adopt for quite some time, I'm glad I read this, and will most definitely revisit this book.
September 8, 2016
Very good overview, also personal stories.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews