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First Comes Love, Then Comes Money: A Couple's Guide to Financial Communication – Master the Money Huddle and Your Money Personality
Happy Couples Know How to Talk About Money The number one cause for divorce is financial infidelity. Now "The Money Couple" reveals the missing ingredient needed before any financial program or plan can work: healthy financial communication. This book tells you how to:
189 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 2009
8 people are currently reading
107 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
September 11, 2011
Much like Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover, the Palmer's guide to financial communication for couples is now a staple of my financial library. Instead of focusing on how to get out of debt or manage your finances in a way to make tons of money, they talk about how to talk to your spouse about money. With the biggest cause of divorce in this country being money issues, somebody was bound to make a lot of money fixing this problem. I'm hoping the Palmers are doing just that.
The framework they use centers around five money personalities that highlight different sets of money behaviors. None of these personalities are inherently good or bad, but they do each have strengths and weaknesses and learning to understand and accept them is the secret to the Palmer's philosophy.
The five money personalities are:
The Saver - exactly what it sounds like, you'd rather squirrel away funds for a rainy day than spend money on something you need today; you also love to get a good deal
The Spender - unlike the Saver, you enjoy the act of spending money; you often buy things for others and it's not so much what you buy as the act of spending that makes you feel good
The Risk Taker - most entrepeneurs are Risk Takers, these people love the challenge of making an investment and watching it explode in value, once the massive returns are gained, though, they're on to the next big idea
The Security Seeker - these people plan for the future and see money as a way to secure that future, while not opposed to spending money, they like to see the long-term benefit of today's purchases
The Flyer - independent of all other money personalities these people really could care less about money, they use it because they have to, but don't really spend much time worrying about it or keeping track of it
One of the shocks of reading this book was discovering that my husband and I have completely opposite money personalities (I'm a Security Seeking Saver, while my husband is a Spending Flyer). Realizing that he has very different motivations guiding his use of money helped me to see that when I think my husband's being irresponsible, he's just trying to accomplish a different goal than me.
This is probably a book better read as a couple, but since my husband's a money personality less likely to read a book on personal finance I've mostly just been sharing the most interesting bits with him. Luckily it's the kind of book that you can't help but want to talk about. After reading the first few chapters we had a long conversation about what money personalities we thought different couples in our lives have and how that can lead to conflict in their relationships (It's actually kind of a fun game, so give it try sometime when you and your partner are bored). So slowly, but surely, the book is soaking in for both of us.
Basically, I'm a big fan of self-help books that recommend talking about your problems and then making a plan to overcome them and that's how simple the Palmer's plan is. If you're tired of thinking your partner comes from a different planet when it comes time to talk about money, then pick up this book now. Even if you'd just like another tool to help your family work together on your finances, this book is worth checking out.
The framework they use centers around five money personalities that highlight different sets of money behaviors. None of these personalities are inherently good or bad, but they do each have strengths and weaknesses and learning to understand and accept them is the secret to the Palmer's philosophy.
The five money personalities are:
The Saver - exactly what it sounds like, you'd rather squirrel away funds for a rainy day than spend money on something you need today; you also love to get a good deal
The Spender - unlike the Saver, you enjoy the act of spending money; you often buy things for others and it's not so much what you buy as the act of spending that makes you feel good
The Risk Taker - most entrepeneurs are Risk Takers, these people love the challenge of making an investment and watching it explode in value, once the massive returns are gained, though, they're on to the next big idea
The Security Seeker - these people plan for the future and see money as a way to secure that future, while not opposed to spending money, they like to see the long-term benefit of today's purchases
The Flyer - independent of all other money personalities these people really could care less about money, they use it because they have to, but don't really spend much time worrying about it or keeping track of it
One of the shocks of reading this book was discovering that my husband and I have completely opposite money personalities (I'm a Security Seeking Saver, while my husband is a Spending Flyer). Realizing that he has very different motivations guiding his use of money helped me to see that when I think my husband's being irresponsible, he's just trying to accomplish a different goal than me.
This is probably a book better read as a couple, but since my husband's a money personality less likely to read a book on personal finance I've mostly just been sharing the most interesting bits with him. Luckily it's the kind of book that you can't help but want to talk about. After reading the first few chapters we had a long conversation about what money personalities we thought different couples in our lives have and how that can lead to conflict in their relationships (It's actually kind of a fun game, so give it try sometime when you and your partner are bored). So slowly, but surely, the book is soaking in for both of us.
Basically, I'm a big fan of self-help books that recommend talking about your problems and then making a plan to overcome them and that's how simple the Palmer's plan is. If you're tired of thinking your partner comes from a different planet when it comes time to talk about money, then pick up this book now. Even if you'd just like another tool to help your family work together on your finances, this book is worth checking out.
January 3, 2022
I really liked the term “financial infidelity”. It made me really think about the ways I was spending money. Great to read with a spouse and come to a better place about money communication. It was a quick read and a few useful tidbits but if you don’t have good communication with your spouse you may want to do that first.
June 17, 2023
Decent read. Didn’t really get any new insights from it, no new tactics or different ways to approach things. Does a good job of giving you a structured look at what you already should be doing regarding having open conversations about money in your relationship.
August 2, 2017
This book is more for couples who already have financial problems ,but there was definitely some valuable material in here that I plan in the future.
May 9, 2011
First Comes Love Then Comes Money- The Money Couple Blog Tour & Review
Falling in love and getting married involves a whirlwind of emotions and activities that hardly ever broach the subject of money. But do you really know who you're marrying? What their money personality may be? I can tell you the majority of marriage breakups are due to money in one respect or another. Our finances and money personalities are rarely a subject of talk but figuring out you and your partners tendencies toward money and talking about them most assuredly will lead to a happier married life.
Growing up in an unstable, poor household as a child, when I grew up having money was an important factor to me, but the stress of thinking about it was too much for me to handle and still is to this day. I don't like thinking about money so I tend to be a Flyer with Security Seeker and Saver bits as well(see descriptions below). Though I didn't know any of this when we first got married.
Hubby on the other hand wasn't too much different than I was growing up, but still there were enough differences that caused us problems in our marriage and eventually led to our divorce after seven years. Yes, we did marry again because we loved each other. But, finding solid ground financially took some work and talking things out is the first step. He too is a bit of a Flyer but also has Risk Taker tendencies at times and a bit of a Saver as well. It was the Flyer personalities that led us to our breakup. Because neither of us wanted to think or talk about money. I can tell you that now things have much improved.
Marrying your partner means marrying your partner’s Money Personality. From choosing your breakfast cereal, picking destinations for Friday night dates, to deciding what “vacation” means to you, all has to do with your Money Personalities. According to “The Money Couple,” financial and relationship communication experts Bethany and Scott Palmer, becoming familiar with this part of yourselves and each other establishes the lines of financial communication that are essential for an honest, fulfilling, and long-lasting relationship. It can even make day-to-day tasks easier and less stress-ridden.
The first step toward marital and monetary bliss is to have The Talk – the discussion that will help you live happily financially ever after say Bethany and Scott. And it all goes back to knowing your partner’s money personality. Is your honey a:
· Saver – These penny pinchers hate parting with money. If they found a dollar in a coat pocket they’d leave it there rather than spend it.
· Spender – Money doesn’t stick to a Spender for long. If he finds a dollar in his coat pocket, he heads to Starbucks to figure out what he can buy.
· Risk Taker – They aren’t afraid of risking everything in the pursuit of having everything. Entrepreneurs, inventors and trail-blazers are all risk takers.
· Security Seeker – If you have a planner in your life then you have a Security Seeker. They like locking in their future and having their ducks in a row.
· Flyer – Artistic types are often flyers; they never think about money and would rather fly by the seat of their pants.
Scott and Bethany Palmer have probably heard all the stories relating to problems in a marriage, but their solutions WORK! If you ever want to get a book on happiness in a marriage- this is the book you want to get! It doesn't matter what you think the actual problem may be, you can bet on some level that money is at the back of it somewhere.
In just a few days hubby and I will have our 40th anniversary. Though neither of us likes to think about money, we now talk things out and discuss every purchase made. It's part of planning our future together. Thanks to reading First Comes Love Then Comes Money we've come to understand a bit more about each of our own money personalities and how to avoid pitfalls that lead to stress in a marriage. I truly think everyone should read this book. A Must Read for young couples just starting out, but it's also for those who've been married for some time.
Perhaps if we would have had this book in our early years of married life, we would have never had all the problems we've had. Today I can say we are a truly happily married couple. I highly recommend picking up a copy of First Comes Love Then Comes Money by Bethany and Scott Palmer. Give it as a gift to every couple you know. Give it to every newly married couple. But most assuredly give it as a gift to yourself!
Paperback: 189 pages
Publisher: HarperOne; Original edition (March 10, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0061649910
ISBN-13: 978-0061649912
Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.4 x 0.6 inches
$10.19
Falling in love and getting married involves a whirlwind of emotions and activities that hardly ever broach the subject of money. But do you really know who you're marrying? What their money personality may be? I can tell you the majority of marriage breakups are due to money in one respect or another. Our finances and money personalities are rarely a subject of talk but figuring out you and your partners tendencies toward money and talking about them most assuredly will lead to a happier married life.
Growing up in an unstable, poor household as a child, when I grew up having money was an important factor to me, but the stress of thinking about it was too much for me to handle and still is to this day. I don't like thinking about money so I tend to be a Flyer with Security Seeker and Saver bits as well(see descriptions below). Though I didn't know any of this when we first got married.
Hubby on the other hand wasn't too much different than I was growing up, but still there were enough differences that caused us problems in our marriage and eventually led to our divorce after seven years. Yes, we did marry again because we loved each other. But, finding solid ground financially took some work and talking things out is the first step. He too is a bit of a Flyer but also has Risk Taker tendencies at times and a bit of a Saver as well. It was the Flyer personalities that led us to our breakup. Because neither of us wanted to think or talk about money. I can tell you that now things have much improved.
Marrying your partner means marrying your partner’s Money Personality. From choosing your breakfast cereal, picking destinations for Friday night dates, to deciding what “vacation” means to you, all has to do with your Money Personalities. According to “The Money Couple,” financial and relationship communication experts Bethany and Scott Palmer, becoming familiar with this part of yourselves and each other establishes the lines of financial communication that are essential for an honest, fulfilling, and long-lasting relationship. It can even make day-to-day tasks easier and less stress-ridden.
The first step toward marital and monetary bliss is to have The Talk – the discussion that will help you live happily financially ever after say Bethany and Scott. And it all goes back to knowing your partner’s money personality. Is your honey a:
· Saver – These penny pinchers hate parting with money. If they found a dollar in a coat pocket they’d leave it there rather than spend it.
· Spender – Money doesn’t stick to a Spender for long. If he finds a dollar in his coat pocket, he heads to Starbucks to figure out what he can buy.
· Risk Taker – They aren’t afraid of risking everything in the pursuit of having everything. Entrepreneurs, inventors and trail-blazers are all risk takers.
· Security Seeker – If you have a planner in your life then you have a Security Seeker. They like locking in their future and having their ducks in a row.
· Flyer – Artistic types are often flyers; they never think about money and would rather fly by the seat of their pants.
Scott and Bethany Palmer have probably heard all the stories relating to problems in a marriage, but their solutions WORK! If you ever want to get a book on happiness in a marriage- this is the book you want to get! It doesn't matter what you think the actual problem may be, you can bet on some level that money is at the back of it somewhere.
In just a few days hubby and I will have our 40th anniversary. Though neither of us likes to think about money, we now talk things out and discuss every purchase made. It's part of planning our future together. Thanks to reading First Comes Love Then Comes Money we've come to understand a bit more about each of our own money personalities and how to avoid pitfalls that lead to stress in a marriage. I truly think everyone should read this book. A Must Read for young couples just starting out, but it's also for those who've been married for some time.
Perhaps if we would have had this book in our early years of married life, we would have never had all the problems we've had. Today I can say we are a truly happily married couple. I highly recommend picking up a copy of First Comes Love Then Comes Money by Bethany and Scott Palmer. Give it as a gift to every couple you know. Give it to every newly married couple. But most assuredly give it as a gift to yourself!
Paperback: 189 pages
Publisher: HarperOne; Original edition (March 10, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0061649910
ISBN-13: 978-0061649912
Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.4 x 0.6 inches
$10.19
March 3, 2009
Have you ever spent money without telling your partner? Have you ever applied for a credit card without your spouse knowing? If so, you are cheating on your loved one. It’s called financial infidelity.
This book is more about saving your relationship than saving your money. The Palmer’s are professional financial advisors and they have determined that people have five money personalities: The Saver, The Spender, The Risk Taker, The Security Seeker and The Flyer. They then proceed to help you identify your and your partner’s money personality, find your “financial infidelity quotient” by taking a short 19-question quiz and then teach you rules to communicate financially with your partner. The book has several case studies, including examples from the authors’ own relationship, which opened this reader’s eyes to what extent financial infidelity can affect a relationship.
I have to admit I was anxious to read this book because my fiancé and I were already having financial disagreements. The hardest part for me was to identify my own financial infidelities and then get my partner to read this book and identify his. I believe that this book will help us better communicate about finances and most importantly be sensitive to our partner’s feelings. This is a new and important look at why so many relationships fail and how we can possibly save them before it is too late.
This book is more about saving your relationship than saving your money. The Palmer’s are professional financial advisors and they have determined that people have five money personalities: The Saver, The Spender, The Risk Taker, The Security Seeker and The Flyer. They then proceed to help you identify your and your partner’s money personality, find your “financial infidelity quotient” by taking a short 19-question quiz and then teach you rules to communicate financially with your partner. The book has several case studies, including examples from the authors’ own relationship, which opened this reader’s eyes to what extent financial infidelity can affect a relationship.
I have to admit I was anxious to read this book because my fiancé and I were already having financial disagreements. The hardest part for me was to identify my own financial infidelities and then get my partner to read this book and identify his. I believe that this book will help us better communicate about finances and most importantly be sensitive to our partner’s feelings. This is a new and important look at why so many relationships fail and how we can possibly save them before it is too late.
June 17, 2016
Although sometimes it felt like this book was all over the place, there was definitely some valuable material in here that I plan to go back to in the future. Much like Gary Chapman's "Five Love Languages," this book provides readers with five different personality types (called "Money Personalities"), and gives details on how spouses with conflicting Money Personalities can work together. The five potential Money Personalities are:
-The Saver
-The Spender
-The Risk Taker
-The Security Seeker
-The Flyer
There is a test provided inside the book (called the Financial Relationship Index) that will help you determine your level of financial infidelity. For example, if you ever make secret purchases without telling your spouse, that is considered financial infidelity.
This book doesn't provide a plan on how you can make a budget, rather it helps you become aware of the type of person you are in relationship to money. Knowing your Money Personality, as well as your spouses, will be helpful in avoiding fights over money.
Final rating = 3.5 stars
-The Saver
-The Spender
-The Risk Taker
-The Security Seeker
-The Flyer
There is a test provided inside the book (called the Financial Relationship Index) that will help you determine your level of financial infidelity. For example, if you ever make secret purchases without telling your spouse, that is considered financial infidelity.
This book doesn't provide a plan on how you can make a budget, rather it helps you become aware of the type of person you are in relationship to money. Knowing your Money Personality, as well as your spouses, will be helpful in avoiding fights over money.
Final rating = 3.5 stars
July 31, 2012
People in relationships think, most of the time, that the money thing will just work itself out. This turns out to be untrue, and people wind up feeling betrayed, upset and afraid for the future. This book is great for either avoiding that or dealing with it now that you are there.
Very common sense, a very compassionate approach. In my personal library for sure. it was recommended by an article talking about marriage money problems (most divorces are about money), and it did not disappoint.
Also, this book doesn't assume you have alot of money, it deals mainly with different styles of handling money.
January 2, 2016
This book is geared towards couples who are currently struggling in their relationship over financial issues. But I read it along with my fiancé as we prepare for marriage and want to get started on the right foot; the book worked well for our needs. I loved how it de-personalized the source of financial strife by focusing on money management styles. The chapter on fighting well was excellent. Lots of practical advice without a preachy or condescending tone. We feel better prepared for future financial successes and challenges after reading it!
March 26, 2013
This little book offers a "money personality test" where you can determine which of five money personalities fits you best: Saver, Spender, Risk Taker, Security Seeker, and Flyer (as in "fly by the seat of your pants"). Then the authors share how to improve communication between different personalities. It's helpful though a bit dated, and I'd recommend it for anyone wanting better communication with their loved ones about finances.
August 22, 2009
So this is why it's hard to keep within a budget! Basic premise is that money issues are usually marital issues--you don't understand each other's attitudes and feelings about money.
February 9, 2010
Didn't learn too much from this.
March 17, 2013
A great review on how to discuss debt and be honest with your spouse.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews