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Bi the Way: The Bisexual Guide to Life
'The friendly introduction to all things bi' MEG-JOHN BARKER
'A masterfully crafted guide to all things bisexual' THE PSYCHOLOGIST
'Excellent and much-needed' GSCENE MAGAZINE
Whether you are openly bisexual, still figuring things out or just interested in learning more about bisexuality, Bi the Way is your essential guide to understanding and embracing bisexuality. With first-hand accounts from bi advocates, it includes practical tips and guidance on topics including dating, sex, biphobia, bi-erasure, coming out, activism and gender identity, demystifying a community that is often erased or overlooked.
Rallying, honest and powerfully written, this must-read book is a manifesto for bisexual people everywhere and will empower you to live your most authentic bisexual life.
'A masterfully crafted guide to all things bisexual' THE PSYCHOLOGIST
'Excellent and much-needed' GSCENE MAGAZINE
Whether you are openly bisexual, still figuring things out or just interested in learning more about bisexuality, Bi the Way is your essential guide to understanding and embracing bisexuality. With first-hand accounts from bi advocates, it includes practical tips and guidance on topics including dating, sex, biphobia, bi-erasure, coming out, activism and gender identity, demystifying a community that is often erased or overlooked.
Rallying, honest and powerfully written, this must-read book is a manifesto for bisexual people everywhere and will empower you to live your most authentic bisexual life.
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First published June 21, 2021
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 74 reviews
October 25, 2022
TENHO OPNIOES
Comprei esse livro la na gays the word em Londres, achei que ia ser um bafo. Mas nao foi.
A leitura em si me manteve interessada mas achei que tem umas partes meio problematicas. Primeiro ponto: esse livro nao é universal. É focado principalmente em vivencias lgbt da galera la de fora, das europa e dos USA, nao tem nem mençao da america latina e estudos queer e lgbt com foco na gente aqui. O auge pra mim foi essa parte aqui:
"You might have noticed that this history of the bi+ movement has been pretty American-centric so far. There's a few key reasons for that: first, it seems that the first bi groups that did exist were American, as we've seen so far. Second, the history of the LGBTQIA+ movement is pretty American-centric, either because Western culture is in general or because Americans are just better at documenting their history and making it available."
Eu li isso e so pensei METEU ESSA MSM? Claramente a autore nao sentiu a necessidade de incluir nada relacionado a outras culturas lgbt que nao sejam norte americanas e europeias e vem meter que a historia do movimento lgbt é majoritariamente norte americana e que eles sabem documentar a historia deles melhor???? ahh vtnc ne kkkkkk
Outro ponto, e o que mais incomoda durante a leitura toda, é que o livro em si parece uma grande thread do twitter so reclamando. Tipo gente eu sou bi eu sei BEM cmo é a bifobia, mas porra a autore fica o livro inteiro falando de cmo é dificil ser bissexual. Eu fico conflitada pq ao mesmo tempo que eu acho que essa conversa precisa acontecer inclusive dentro do meio lgbt que SIM existe bifobia ate dentro da comunidade e ver um livro falando abertamente sobre isso é (ou deveria ser) refreshing, eu tbm acho que a autore perdeu a mao. Sem falar de umas ideias meio polemicas e meio problematicas tbm. Sinto que elu fica o livro todo batendo muito nas lesbicas, bifobia de lesbica e etc, umas problematizacoes que eu acheio meio close errado (e que tbm nao tem nada haver com a nossa cultura aqui no brasil) tipo a parada de termos pejorativos que foram apropriados pelas lesbicas tipo dyke e cmo esses termos deveriam ser apropriados por mulheres bi tbm, e cmo algumas figuras historicas lesbicas poderiam na vdd ser bi e nao lesbicas. eu fiquei mdssss deixa as sapatao terem alguma coisa so delas plmds KKKKKK
E outra coisa é cmo o livro todo é muito focado na experiencia de mulheres bi. Fala um pouco sobre homens bi tbm mas bem menos e é simplesmente pq a autore nao tem propriedade pra falar do assunto assim cmo nao tem pra falar da historia do movimento lgbt fora dos USA e da europa. E gente desculpa mas é um livro que se propoem a isso sabe, se propoem a falar da historia da bissexualidade, da cultura e do movimento bi. Claro que o livro nao tinha que incluir o mundo todo mas manter tudo mt norte americanizado FAZ SIM quem é de fora e ta lendo sentir que o livro nao abrange a nossa realidade. E ainda joga aquela cereja do bolo que mencionei la em cima de ainnn a historia lgbt é majoritariamente norte americana.
Tenho mts ressalvas com esse livro.
É um livro interessante principalmente na questao de bisexualidade x binarismo de genero x monossexualidade e tambem sobre bifobia. Mas com VARIAS ressalvas, narrativa nao inclusiva pra qm nao é um lgbt dos USA, algumas falas meio close errado e perdendo a mao em algumas problematizacoes.
Comprei esse livro la na gays the word em Londres, achei que ia ser um bafo. Mas nao foi.
A leitura em si me manteve interessada mas achei que tem umas partes meio problematicas. Primeiro ponto: esse livro nao é universal. É focado principalmente em vivencias lgbt da galera la de fora, das europa e dos USA, nao tem nem mençao da america latina e estudos queer e lgbt com foco na gente aqui. O auge pra mim foi essa parte aqui:
"You might have noticed that this history of the bi+ movement has been pretty American-centric so far. There's a few key reasons for that: first, it seems that the first bi groups that did exist were American, as we've seen so far. Second, the history of the LGBTQIA+ movement is pretty American-centric, either because Western culture is in general or because Americans are just better at documenting their history and making it available."
Eu li isso e so pensei METEU ESSA MSM? Claramente a autore nao sentiu a necessidade de incluir nada relacionado a outras culturas lgbt que nao sejam norte americanas e europeias e vem meter que a historia do movimento lgbt é majoritariamente norte americana e que eles sabem documentar a historia deles melhor???? ahh vtnc ne kkkkkk
Outro ponto, e o que mais incomoda durante a leitura toda, é que o livro em si parece uma grande thread do twitter so reclamando. Tipo gente eu sou bi eu sei BEM cmo é a bifobia, mas porra a autore fica o livro inteiro falando de cmo é dificil ser bissexual. Eu fico conflitada pq ao mesmo tempo que eu acho que essa conversa precisa acontecer inclusive dentro do meio lgbt que SIM existe bifobia ate dentro da comunidade e ver um livro falando abertamente sobre isso é (ou deveria ser) refreshing, eu tbm acho que a autore perdeu a mao. Sem falar de umas ideias meio polemicas e meio problematicas tbm. Sinto que elu fica o livro todo batendo muito nas lesbicas, bifobia de lesbica e etc, umas problematizacoes que eu acheio meio close errado (e que tbm nao tem nada haver com a nossa cultura aqui no brasil) tipo a parada de termos pejorativos que foram apropriados pelas lesbicas tipo dyke e cmo esses termos deveriam ser apropriados por mulheres bi tbm, e cmo algumas figuras historicas lesbicas poderiam na vdd ser bi e nao lesbicas. eu fiquei mdssss deixa as sapatao terem alguma coisa so delas plmds KKKKKK
E outra coisa é cmo o livro todo é muito focado na experiencia de mulheres bi. Fala um pouco sobre homens bi tbm mas bem menos e é simplesmente pq a autore nao tem propriedade pra falar do assunto assim cmo nao tem pra falar da historia do movimento lgbt fora dos USA e da europa. E gente desculpa mas é um livro que se propoem a isso sabe, se propoem a falar da historia da bissexualidade, da cultura e do movimento bi. Claro que o livro nao tinha que incluir o mundo todo mas manter tudo mt norte americanizado FAZ SIM quem é de fora e ta lendo sentir que o livro nao abrange a nossa realidade. E ainda joga aquela cereja do bolo que mencionei la em cima de ainnn a historia lgbt é majoritariamente norte americana.
Tenho mts ressalvas com esse livro.
É um livro interessante principalmente na questao de bisexualidade x binarismo de genero x monossexualidade e tambem sobre bifobia. Mas com VARIAS ressalvas, narrativa nao inclusiva pra qm nao é um lgbt dos USA, algumas falas meio close errado e perdendo a mao em algumas problematizacoes.
December 18, 2020
I recieved an ARC of this book provided by NetGalley.
DNF during first chapter
CW:panphobia
When I saw Bi The Way I requested it immediately. Now I think it was a mistake. The author started off normal, like anyone would. But then, they decided to bring pansexuality and stated that pansexuality *won't* exist and the reason pansexuality exists is biphobia. I thought this was pretty offensive and definetly shouldn't have been even thought about.
DNF during first chapter
CW:panphobia
When I saw Bi The Way I requested it immediately. Now I think it was a mistake. The author started off normal, like anyone would. But then, they decided to bring pansexuality and stated that pansexuality *won't* exist and the reason pansexuality exists is biphobia. I thought this was pretty offensive and definetly shouldn't have been even thought about.
December 12, 2020
Thanks to the publisher for providing an eARC of Bi The Way: The Bisexual Guide to Life in exchange for an honest review.
Bi the Way is a very thorough, informative look into a lot of aspects of what it means to be bi+. I really enjoyed the inclusion of personal stories from a diverse group of bi+ individuals and this books openness with where it got its information and the areas where it would probably be best to look into another source that covers a topic more thoroughly. I did find a few sections kind of repetitive and redundant and it occasionally bogged down the read. This book is pretty open about how a lot of different identities fit into the bi-umbrella (a term I personally use, the book uses bi+ which is probably more widely applicable) and while it treats them all as valid, the opening of the section on pansexuality felt a little bit off. It addresses the bi/pan discourse in a way that's mostly respectful but it also frames pan as something that will go away when people get more educated on what bi means and I think framing it like that made it seem like pan readers and people are just uneducated on the actual definition of bisexuality. A lot of people who do use pan as a label are very aware that bi also includes all genders but are equally aware of the societal perception of it meaning 2 and chose to use pan to counteract that and I think it was unfair and isolating to treat pansexuality as a label that comes from the miseducation of those using it.
Bi the Way is a very thorough, informative look into a lot of aspects of what it means to be bi+. I really enjoyed the inclusion of personal stories from a diverse group of bi+ individuals and this books openness with where it got its information and the areas where it would probably be best to look into another source that covers a topic more thoroughly. I did find a few sections kind of repetitive and redundant and it occasionally bogged down the read. This book is pretty open about how a lot of different identities fit into the bi-umbrella (a term I personally use, the book uses bi+ which is probably more widely applicable) and while it treats them all as valid, the opening of the section on pansexuality felt a little bit off. It addresses the bi/pan discourse in a way that's mostly respectful but it also frames pan as something that will go away when people get more educated on what bi means and I think framing it like that made it seem like pan readers and people are just uneducated on the actual definition of bisexuality. A lot of people who do use pan as a label are very aware that bi also includes all genders but are equally aware of the societal perception of it meaning 2 and chose to use pan to counteract that and I think it was unfair and isolating to treat pansexuality as a label that comes from the miseducation of those using it.
April 24, 2021
Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an e-ARC in exchange for an honest review!
Alright, where do I start?
Lately I’ve been thinking about reading more non-fiction books, to educate myself about the world and other people’s experiences. When I saw this on NetGalley, I just knew I had to request it. I’m bi myself, so I was looking forward to reading it to learn more about bi history etc, and maybe get an “easy” introduction to non-fiction at the same time.
(PS: Since I'm new to non-fiction I'm not entirely sure how to rate it. Somewhere between a 2 and a 3 I think.)
Now, this book calls itself “The Bisexual Guide to Life”, so I was expecting it to be more of an introduction to bisexuality (perhaps for questioning people or newly out people). When reading it, it didn’t feel that way at all. While it did introduce bisexuality, it was very much focused on the negative parts of life identifying as bi. While it’s important to talk about biphobia, and how it is often overlooked, I don’t feel like someone’s introduction to the sexuality and community needs to be all about of the hardship they might go through. Had I picked up this when I was questioning, I would have been terrified of identifying as bi.
I did appreciate the author explaining their biases in the beginning, and the perspective they were writing from. It made it easier to understand their commentary throughout the book.
As many other reviewers have commented, I was not entirely comfortable with the part about other “similar” labels. The information about labels such as omni and queer was very limited, and the part about pansexuality was still very focused on bisexuality. The things said about bisexuality there were said later as well, so it feels strange to include it there too. It also felt strange to suggest that people identify as pansexual simply because they’re biphobic. Especially when the author also states “I don’t consider it my place to prescribe how queer people express themselves” in the book.
At some points it almost feels like the book is trying to claim that bi people have it worse than others, as if there is some kind of competition. We can’t measure the hurting and trauma of a group, and we cannot compare it to that of another group. Us bi people have not had it easy, no, but neither have other lgbtq+ people.
The book is very repetitive. Information is repeated within chapters, and also in different ones as well.
It was very focused on the author’s personal experiences, opinions, and feelings. This was especially clear when there was suddenly a random part where they talked (ranted, more like it) about slurs. I was not expecting slur discourse in this book, and it doesn’t exactly feel like the right place for it.
Other than these things, I did enjoy the book. It was, as I had hoped, an easy start to my non-fiction reading. And it was interesting to read about something I could relate to - even though what I related to weren’t always positive experiences - and learn a bit about the history of the identity.
Alright, where do I start?
Lately I’ve been thinking about reading more non-fiction books, to educate myself about the world and other people’s experiences. When I saw this on NetGalley, I just knew I had to request it. I’m bi myself, so I was looking forward to reading it to learn more about bi history etc, and maybe get an “easy” introduction to non-fiction at the same time.
(PS: Since I'm new to non-fiction I'm not entirely sure how to rate it. Somewhere between a 2 and a 3 I think.)
Now, this book calls itself “The Bisexual Guide to Life”, so I was expecting it to be more of an introduction to bisexuality (perhaps for questioning people or newly out people). When reading it, it didn’t feel that way at all. While it did introduce bisexuality, it was very much focused on the negative parts of life identifying as bi. While it’s important to talk about biphobia, and how it is often overlooked, I don’t feel like someone’s introduction to the sexuality and community needs to be all about of the hardship they might go through. Had I picked up this when I was questioning, I would have been terrified of identifying as bi.
I did appreciate the author explaining their biases in the beginning, and the perspective they were writing from. It made it easier to understand their commentary throughout the book.
As many other reviewers have commented, I was not entirely comfortable with the part about other “similar” labels. The information about labels such as omni and queer was very limited, and the part about pansexuality was still very focused on bisexuality. The things said about bisexuality there were said later as well, so it feels strange to include it there too. It also felt strange to suggest that people identify as pansexual simply because they’re biphobic. Especially when the author also states “I don’t consider it my place to prescribe how queer people express themselves” in the book.
At some points it almost feels like the book is trying to claim that bi people have it worse than others, as if there is some kind of competition. We can’t measure the hurting and trauma of a group, and we cannot compare it to that of another group. Us bi people have not had it easy, no, but neither have other lgbtq+ people.
The book is very repetitive. Information is repeated within chapters, and also in different ones as well.
It was very focused on the author’s personal experiences, opinions, and feelings. This was especially clear when there was suddenly a random part where they talked (ranted, more like it) about slurs. I was not expecting slur discourse in this book, and it doesn’t exactly feel like the right place for it.
Other than these things, I did enjoy the book. It was, as I had hoped, an easy start to my non-fiction reading. And it was interesting to read about something I could relate to - even though what I related to weren’t always positive experiences - and learn a bit about the history of the identity.
January 24, 2021
Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishing, Lois Shearing and NetGalley for providing an ARC copy of this book free of charge in exchange for a honest rating and review.
First of all, let me say I’m really glad that this kind of content is being put out into the world and it’s very refreshing to have someone speak about this topic in a way that is open and inclusive. It’s also great that you spoke openly about your own biases and privilege prior to, and during the bulk of this book.
There are however, large issues with the formatting of the book in kindle including red text, character/spacing issues with words being separated by weird breaks. I think it would be beneficial to have someone go through and check the kindle version of this text to proofread and edit these issues in a uniform way.
The actual content is great and seeing the way different members of the bi-community chose to identify and how they experience their attractions at various points in their lives and different situations is really insightful and reflective of conversations and thoughts I’ve had myself.
I especially related to the passage where the author stated that there are different times in her life that she only felt an attraction to one gender and almost convinced herself out of her bi-sexual label. The gaslighting and doubts that occur as a result of that label are bound to make people question their own sexuality at least once or twice in their lives.
Good luck with the full release later and I hope the formatting issues are fixed easily.
First of all, let me say I’m really glad that this kind of content is being put out into the world and it’s very refreshing to have someone speak about this topic in a way that is open and inclusive. It’s also great that you spoke openly about your own biases and privilege prior to, and during the bulk of this book.
There are however, large issues with the formatting of the book in kindle including red text, character/spacing issues with words being separated by weird breaks. I think it would be beneficial to have someone go through and check the kindle version of this text to proofread and edit these issues in a uniform way.
The actual content is great and seeing the way different members of the bi-community chose to identify and how they experience their attractions at various points in their lives and different situations is really insightful and reflective of conversations and thoughts I’ve had myself.
I especially related to the passage where the author stated that there are different times in her life that she only felt an attraction to one gender and almost convinced herself out of her bi-sexual label. The gaslighting and doubts that occur as a result of that label are bound to make people question their own sexuality at least once or twice in their lives.
Good luck with the full release later and I hope the formatting issues are fixed easily.
June 19, 2021
I was super excited to start this book, and was ecstatic to see my ARC request had been approved. After starting this book I realized it was nowhere close to the type of book I was expecting. I expected a more fun coming to age story of real bisexuals and getting to hear their stories. While the book did share some quotes and passages from bisexuals it felt more like a research paper than a book. Right off the bat this book was just shoving fact after fact down my throat. I don't know who decided to put this in the teen section but as a bisexual teen I can confidently tell you its not gonna interest to many young adults. I love that the author is trying to help share their experience to help out many bisexuals and that is so admirable, but I think that the format of this book is not going to make your readers want to keep turning the pages. I do however think that this book would make a great educational tool for schools or to help students with papers, I just wasn't able to find much entertainment value from it. Overall I would give it a 2.5/5 because well it was not my normal book there was certain parts I found interesting and I do think I learned something. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone unless they are very very very interested in every detail behind being a bisexual and what comes with that. This book releases June 21 for those who do want to read it!!
March 18, 2022
5 out of 5 stars
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for sending me a copy of this in exchange for an honest review.
Bi the Way makes my heart happy. This book educated, reassures and helps readers.
If this book existed back in high school so many things would of made more sense. I get emotional at the thought of so many people out there being hurt and discriminated against purely for who they love.
Even those just confused at what ‘label they need to have’ is crazy. We all need to remember that a label isn’t permanent and isn’t needed for you to know who you are. You are you. You love who you love. And that’s so important.
This book goes into what being bisexual means, bisexual compared to pansexual and so much more.
I cannot recommend this enough. Not just for those who identify as bisexual like myself but for everyone wanting to learn more about just being queer in general. I particularly loved going into being non-binary and what that means when being bisexual. Wow I loved this I really did. Just amazing. I’ve learnt so much.
Proud to be bisexual. Proud to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. Here’s to anyone who ‘breaks the normal’
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for sending me a copy of this in exchange for an honest review.
Bi the Way makes my heart happy. This book educated, reassures and helps readers.
If this book existed back in high school so many things would of made more sense. I get emotional at the thought of so many people out there being hurt and discriminated against purely for who they love.
Even those just confused at what ‘label they need to have’ is crazy. We all need to remember that a label isn’t permanent and isn’t needed for you to know who you are. You are you. You love who you love. And that’s so important.
This book goes into what being bisexual means, bisexual compared to pansexual and so much more.
I cannot recommend this enough. Not just for those who identify as bisexual like myself but for everyone wanting to learn more about just being queer in general. I particularly loved going into being non-binary and what that means when being bisexual. Wow I loved this I really did. Just amazing. I’ve learnt so much.
Proud to be bisexual. Proud to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. Here’s to anyone who ‘breaks the normal’
August 2, 2021
Finally DNFing this nightmare at 60%. The writing is like I’m reading a middle schooler’s essay. More than half of the book is quoting other people’s work. LAZYYYY. Not a “guide” to being bisexual at all, just reminders of all the ways bi people have and will most likely always be oppressed. Lots of language seeming to bash lesbians & pansexuals. I will 100000% steer my queer & ally friends away from this nightmare FOR SURE.
January 21, 2021
I received an e-arc from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
Shearing has written an excellent guide to bisexuality and their passion for bisexual activism really shows in all the research they have done. However, there is a glaring issue in the first chapter where they erase the pansexual identity. Whatever Shearing may think, pansexuality and bisexuality are not the same thing and it very harmful to the pansexual community to erase their identity, saying that pansexuality is just the label people use for bisexuality who think 'bi' only exists within the construct of the gender binary. While there is incredible and useful material here for people who identify as bisexual - history, myth-busting, community resources - it is troubling that the first couple of chapters (the panphobic ones) are targeted more at people who may be questioning and who may, in fact, be pan instead of bi. Shearing rightly points out the biphobia within the LGBTQPIA+ community; they should now examine their own panphobia and not seek to define an identity which is not theirs.
Other than this, it was an informative book that would be validating for any bisexual person. Were it not for the dangerous panphobia, I would be recommending it to all of my bi+ friends and give it the highest possible rating.
Shearing has written an excellent guide to bisexuality and their passion for bisexual activism really shows in all the research they have done. However, there is a glaring issue in the first chapter where they erase the pansexual identity. Whatever Shearing may think, pansexuality and bisexuality are not the same thing and it very harmful to the pansexual community to erase their identity, saying that pansexuality is just the label people use for bisexuality who think 'bi' only exists within the construct of the gender binary. While there is incredible and useful material here for people who identify as bisexual - history, myth-busting, community resources - it is troubling that the first couple of chapters (the panphobic ones) are targeted more at people who may be questioning and who may, in fact, be pan instead of bi. Shearing rightly points out the biphobia within the LGBTQPIA+ community; they should now examine their own panphobia and not seek to define an identity which is not theirs.
Other than this, it was an informative book that would be validating for any bisexual person. Were it not for the dangerous panphobia, I would be recommending it to all of my bi+ friends and give it the highest possible rating.
August 10, 2021
Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with an arc of Bi The Way: The Bisexual Guide To Life by Lois Shearing in exchange for an honest review.
After questioning my sexuality for years and finally coming to the conclusion over a year ago that I was in fact Bisexual, and coming out to my friends this yea, I was so excited to receive an arc of this and began reading it straight away. However I very soon had to stop. Some parts were informative which was definitely interesting at first. However, I not only found it quite difficult to read, but some of the things that were said were not only upsetting but also damaging to communities, especially the Pansexual community.
I do not agree with the panphobic messages. I know how upsetting biphobic messages can be, so to spread messages of panphobia and pan-erasure was really upsetting and damaging towards the Pansexual community. Pansexuality is not born from biphobia, and spreading views as such eliminates a whole community of people. I didn’t like this at all. From then on it read more and more like a bit of a rant-charged essay and was such a disappointment.
I really hate giving negative reviews, but this really wasn’t what I expected at all. I was expecting “A Bisexual’s Guide To Life” and to feel uplifted about my own bisexuality, but it felt like just a very negative space in general. As I said I don’t like giving negative reviews, but I really cannot stand by the panphobia presented in this book and not say anything. I feel like Bisexuality is often erased or warped into something that many people who are Bisexual do not identify it as, so to see a book that is supposed to focus on bisexuality and mentions these struggles, do the same thing to the Pansexual community is just not it.
Bi The Way was described as “your essential guide to understanding and embracing bisexuality” but I was left feeling so negative. At first I was like wow I feel SEEN. I’ve not felt seen like this before. Then whoops, no, it all went downhill. It left such a sour taste in my mouth.
Pansexuality is not an identity born out of biphobia, and presenting such views is very damaging.
After questioning my sexuality for years and finally coming to the conclusion over a year ago that I was in fact Bisexual, and coming out to my friends this yea, I was so excited to receive an arc of this and began reading it straight away. However I very soon had to stop. Some parts were informative which was definitely interesting at first. However, I not only found it quite difficult to read, but some of the things that were said were not only upsetting but also damaging to communities, especially the Pansexual community.
I do not agree with the panphobic messages. I know how upsetting biphobic messages can be, so to spread messages of panphobia and pan-erasure was really upsetting and damaging towards the Pansexual community. Pansexuality is not born from biphobia, and spreading views as such eliminates a whole community of people. I didn’t like this at all. From then on it read more and more like a bit of a rant-charged essay and was such a disappointment.
I really hate giving negative reviews, but this really wasn’t what I expected at all. I was expecting “A Bisexual’s Guide To Life” and to feel uplifted about my own bisexuality, but it felt like just a very negative space in general. As I said I don’t like giving negative reviews, but I really cannot stand by the panphobia presented in this book and not say anything. I feel like Bisexuality is often erased or warped into something that many people who are Bisexual do not identify it as, so to see a book that is supposed to focus on bisexuality and mentions these struggles, do the same thing to the Pansexual community is just not it.
Bi The Way was described as “your essential guide to understanding and embracing bisexuality” but I was left feeling so negative. At first I was like wow I feel SEEN. I’ve not felt seen like this before. Then whoops, no, it all went downhill. It left such a sour taste in my mouth.
Pansexuality is not an identity born out of biphobia, and presenting such views is very damaging.
January 5, 2023
Helpful, hopeful, informative, needed. I felt like this book really held me. A lovingly researched collection of bisexual stories, advice, facts, history, present and future. I started the book happy enough to be reading it publicly on the train and ended it by telling my mam and colleagues that I’m bi for the first time. A beautiful must read! Thank you
April 13, 2021
I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
I usually don't read a lot of non-fiction, but when I read the title, I couldn't help but reques it!
Overall, I enjoyed it but I think it got quite repetitive and I got bored after a while. It also focused a lot of attention on the struggles the bi+ community faces, and while that's important, it also made me feel sad, being a member of the bi+ community myself. I wouldn't recommend it to questioning folks, because I think the negativity would overwhelm them, but I would recommend it more to seasoned bisexuals or queer people in general who are looking to know more about their community.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read an early copy.
I usually don't read a lot of non-fiction, but when I read the title, I couldn't help but reques it!
Overall, I enjoyed it but I think it got quite repetitive and I got bored after a while. It also focused a lot of attention on the struggles the bi+ community faces, and while that's important, it also made me feel sad, being a member of the bi+ community myself. I wouldn't recommend it to questioning folks, because I think the negativity would overwhelm them, but I would recommend it more to seasoned bisexuals or queer people in general who are looking to know more about their community.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read an early copy.
dnf
June 20, 2021DNF’d at 7%
The line “Some people use pansexual instead of bisexual because they erroneously believe that ‘bisexual’ refers to attraction to men and women (sometimes people go as far as to say that bisexual people are only attracted to cis men and women; this is deeply transphobic as it implies that trans men/women are not ‘real’ (men/women).” Was enough to make me drop this book faster than a hot potato.
The authors toxic views in this line are very evident and I do not want to read a book where someone is pushing their own views and agendas on the reader.
The line “Some people use pansexual instead of bisexual because they erroneously believe that ‘bisexual’ refers to attraction to men and women (sometimes people go as far as to say that bisexual people are only attracted to cis men and women; this is deeply transphobic as it implies that trans men/women are not ‘real’ (men/women).” Was enough to make me drop this book faster than a hot potato.
The authors toxic views in this line are very evident and I do not want to read a book where someone is pushing their own views and agendas on the reader.
April 2, 2023
Looooooved it, I found it inclusive, lots of information (cause and effect), history and not too academic!
August 28, 2023
Let me just say that this was a very interesting book, and I learnt a lot from it. HOWEVER! I have sooooo many issues with this whole thing.
Firstly, I think this book is branded completely wrong. It’s marketed as a ‘bisexual guide’, suggesting that this will include advice and information for actual bisexuals. BUT! This whole book just contained information/writing of other people’s work, highlighting the difficulties/negatives of what bisexual people face from society and within the LGBTQIA+ community. IT WAS SO NEGATIVE! Personally, I found that learning about the personal experiences and struggles of people who are bisexual to be very interesting, and a lot of things were highlighted that I hadn’t previously thought about. So for me, it was enlightening. However, the whole text is very bleak and does not give actual guidance for bisexuals. Also, this is often marketed as a ‘YA’ non-fiction book’, I meannnnnn…if there’s young teenagers (or any age!) reading this book as a way to find out more about bisexuality, this could be SO damaging!
In addition, I had major issues with the ways in which the author writes about other LGBTQIA+ identities. The ways in which lesbian and pansexual identities were portrayed within this book was shocking. I think that the author erases the legitimacy of pansexuality in the face of bisexuality. It’s actually quite shockingly This is also ironic considering the whole book is about bisexual erasure. To continue, I think that the author repeatedly puts bisexuals and lesbians against one another, portraying lesbians to be a bi-hating group. It was so icky to me. YES, I acknowledge that there are individuals with biphobic views, BUT this does not mean that EVERYONE holds such views. The author needs to be a lot more aware and careful with how they phrase such information/statements. Finally, a lot of the book just needs editing because there were many grammar issues that bothered me throughout.
Overall, I found majority of the book to be very interesting and enlightening, however there were too many writing issues for me to truly like it.
Firstly, I think this book is branded completely wrong. It’s marketed as a ‘bisexual guide’, suggesting that this will include advice and information for actual bisexuals. BUT! This whole book just contained information/writing of other people’s work, highlighting the difficulties/negatives of what bisexual people face from society and within the LGBTQIA+ community. IT WAS SO NEGATIVE! Personally, I found that learning about the personal experiences and struggles of people who are bisexual to be very interesting, and a lot of things were highlighted that I hadn’t previously thought about. So for me, it was enlightening. However, the whole text is very bleak and does not give actual guidance for bisexuals. Also, this is often marketed as a ‘YA’ non-fiction book’, I meannnnnn…if there’s young teenagers (or any age!) reading this book as a way to find out more about bisexuality, this could be SO damaging!
In addition, I had major issues with the ways in which the author writes about other LGBTQIA+ identities. The ways in which lesbian and pansexual identities were portrayed within this book was shocking. I think that the author erases the legitimacy of pansexuality in the face of bisexuality. It’s actually quite shockingly This is also ironic considering the whole book is about bisexual erasure. To continue, I think that the author repeatedly puts bisexuals and lesbians against one another, portraying lesbians to be a bi-hating group. It was so icky to me. YES, I acknowledge that there are individuals with biphobic views, BUT this does not mean that EVERYONE holds such views. The author needs to be a lot more aware and careful with how they phrase such information/statements. Finally, a lot of the book just needs editing because there were many grammar issues that bothered me throughout.
Overall, I found majority of the book to be very interesting and enlightening, however there were too many writing issues for me to truly like it.
September 21, 2021
Thank you to the publisher for providing me with a review e-arc through netgalley in exchange for an honest review!
Oof, I feel really bad about how this book turned out! The first few pages started off really well, being very empowering and validating about how you don't have to have everything figured out, how you're still bi even if you have a preference, even if you have never been in a relationship, how you're always valid as a bi person in general... and then this went on to throw pansexuality under the bus, and by throwing pansexuality under the bus I mean making some very panphobic and just wrong comments that I really hated seeing! Had to DNF
Oof, I feel really bad about how this book turned out! The first few pages started off really well, being very empowering and validating about how you don't have to have everything figured out, how you're still bi even if you have a preference, even if you have never been in a relationship, how you're always valid as a bi person in general... and then this went on to throw pansexuality under the bus, and by throwing pansexuality under the bus I mean making some very panphobic and just wrong comments that I really hated seeing! Had to DNF
June 20, 2025
Great overall introduction to issues related to bisexuality. It does have a light tone & does balance practical empathetic advice and theoretical and statiscs backed info. The books perspective is - which is acknowledged - very limited to US, UK and AUS data but it does make some effort to also include POC perspectives.
Highly recommend.
Highly recommend.
June 24, 2022
What a brilliant book! Rich with information about bi history, theory, and activism. Plus, it was all presented so clearly and poignantly.
May 22, 2024
Very interesting insight to the discussion with in the LGTBQ community
October 3, 2021
A very affirming book about how bisexuality is really a thing, with a lot of quotes from actual bisexual. It covers the history of bisexuality, the definition, the many ways to express it, and common issues and places to go to celebrate it.
I found the writing readable but not stellar and really enjoyed the insights from the many comments from people about their lives and interests. I'm still not sure about some theoretical stuff, but I gained a lot of understanding of what is meant by bi-erasure and how that impacts people's lives.
I found the writing readable but not stellar and really enjoyed the insights from the many comments from people about their lives and interests. I'm still not sure about some theoretical stuff, but I gained a lot of understanding of what is meant by bi-erasure and how that impacts people's lives.
July 15, 2023
in the months leading up to the book’s release, the number of early reviews mentioning the panphobia in this book increased. in january, four out of six goodreads reviews; february, six out of eleven; may, eight out of sixteen and five more from another site. the panphobia in question? a comment about how pansexuality is an identity born out of biphobia that will go away when people are more educated on bisexuality and an insinuation that all pan people are bi. during this time of early reviews, unsurprisingly, the book received uncritical praise, promotion, and celebration in the community.
(shoutout to the lesbian who decided against reading the book upon learning about the panphobic content. that’s how you show up for pan people; panphobia being a deal breaker.)
this criticism of panphobia got shearings’s attention. instead of taking accountability, she decided to dismiss the criticism by shifting blame onto someone else. they said the comment in the book wasn’t from them, but was a quote from someone else to showcase the “bi vs pan” debate. however, a reviewer detailed panphobia straight from shearing’s mouth. no scapegoat to hide behind.
but i must say. including panphobic quotes in your bi book, especially unchallenged, is panphobic. you’re platforming panphobia. and disclaiming that you “don’t necessarily agree” with the panphobic quotes isn’t good enough. if you don’t point blank disagree with panphobia, then you’re a panphobe. it’s that simple.
once the book was published, i noticed five more reviews that mentioned the panphobia, and decided to use amazon and google to look through the book because i wasn’t about to spend money on it. and it is a shit show.
pansexual gets a subsection in the “other labels” section and is briefly defined (for some reason the author decided pansexual is “usually” defined as the literally definition) before shearing immediately pulls the ever annoying and biased “while pan is valid, here are all the ways pan people/pansexuality has harmed bi people/bisexuality.”
the pansexual subsection literally just details biphobia. why include it at all, other than to let us all know how you really feel about pan people/pansexuality. if you can’t talk about pansexuality without immediately and only talking about biphobia, then please do us all a favor and don’t talk about pansexuality. (not because biphobia isn’t important to talk about, but because pansexual people deserve better than you pretending to give a shit about us only to throw us under the bus the first chance you get.)
it’s said in this subsection that some people use “pan instead of bi” (a phrase i loathe because no, i didn’t “choose pan over bi”) because they think bi is binary, and while this scenario surely exists, mentioning it in the beginning of the subsection that is supposed to educate people on pansexuality frames it as if it’s the most important or majority experience.
shearing then boldly and falsely claims that the bi community/movement has never defined bi as “men and women” and uses the bisexual manifesto as proof. tell me you didn’t do your research or you’re actively knowingly erasing it without telling me you didn’t do your research or you’re actively knowingly erasing it. a glance at my queer studies shelf on here will lead you to plenty of bisexual nonfiction written by a collective of bi people that use binary definitions/language. (also, shearing attributes the bi manifesto to binetusa, even though the blog post cited literally says it’s from the bay area bi+ & pan network. again. was any research done?)
in the pan subsection, lizzo is said to be pan even though nowhere has she publicly claimed that label. then we get this absolute pile of shit: “because of these misconceptions, some bi people have come to think that identifying as pan is biphobic, as it implies that bi is binary, outdated, or transphobic. a lot has been written on this topic, and a lot of it wrongly accuses all pan people of trying to erase bi.” what a mild and incomplete framing of panphobia from bi people in this so called “debate.” my identity isn’t some trending topic and people being panphobic is not some hot take on it. it’s queerphobia. watering down panphobia is panphobic.
this narrative frames pan people as instigators, making uneducated/false/harmful accusations about bi people, and bi people as reactors, simply “thinking” generalized things about pan people in response to their biphobia. to write in the subsection meant to educate people on pansexuality that panphobia is an understandable reaction, that pan people are actually the ones at fault, is disgusting. and the erasure of the widespread, large scale, malicious panphobia from bi people is glaring.
shearing then says identifying as pan isn’t inherently biphobia (you mean it?! really and for true?! bless you!!!) and there are lots of reasons why people identify as “pan instead of bi” (again with the phrase....gag me), but instead of sharing literally any of these reasons and experiences, the focus is shifted to how people can identify as both bi and pan.
it’s said that overlap shouldn’t cause friction, but celebration. unsurprisingly, nothing is said about how it’s the same for the differences. it’s always “overlap overlap, similarities similarities, some use both labels some use both labels” with these people and never anything about how legitimate it is to not identify with both labels or feel that either could fit you and that doesn’t mean you disrespect, condemn, or judge the other.
and that’s the end of the pan subsection. entirely about pan people being biphobic or others being biphobic while explaining pansexuality and how it’s totally cool to use both labels. great. thanks. super enlightening. super unbiased and objective. cool cool cool cool.
elsewhere shearing says label cops are fond of telling bi people they’re pan and pan should replace bi. again, biphobia in relation to pan, with no mention of the reverse, as if pan people are never told they’re bi or that bi is good enough so pan doesn’t need to exist. as if again panphobia from bi people doesn’t exist on a whole different level than biphobia from pan people. as if you would ever see book after book after book written by pan people educating the masses on pansexuality while completely throwing bi people under the bus not only get published, but uncritically supported, praised, and celebrated as groundbreaking and important by the queer community.
(shearing also uses the term “genderblind,” saying it’s how some bi people identify/feel. which is just another example of pan people getting absolutely slaughtered, often by bi people, for something that bi people partake in without anyone batting an eye.)
so. all of that directly from shearing’s panphobic mouth. remember how i mentioned they said the only panphobia in the book was one single quote from someone else? well she said it was removed from the book before publication, so all is well. but if you know anything about panphobes, then you know they love lying! shearing also deleted all the tweets related to this. so. do with that what you will.
(the “omni/polysexual” and fluid subsections are a combined three sentences, the queer subsection is longer and more positive/helpful than the pan subsection but it falsely says queer was originally a slur and is only “mostly” reclaimed. that’s a slap in the face to not only the queer people who adopted the word before nonqueers weaponized it against the community but also the queer people who fought tooth and nail to get it back. it’s reclaimed, period. that doesn’t mean everyone has to use or be comfy being called it, but there is no work to be done reclaiming it.)
i could’ve looked though a bit more of the book, but i’m pretty sure the rest of it will be about the same; a hot fucking mess. and i honestly don’t care what else is in the book. this panphobia is enough for me to make a judgement (and give it a review/rating). this book is garbage and the author is a panphobe, though probably one of the panphobes who adamantly claim to support pan people. gag me.
(shoutout to the lesbian who decided against reading the book upon learning about the panphobic content. that’s how you show up for pan people; panphobia being a deal breaker.)
this criticism of panphobia got shearings’s attention. instead of taking accountability, she decided to dismiss the criticism by shifting blame onto someone else. they said the comment in the book wasn’t from them, but was a quote from someone else to showcase the “bi vs pan” debate. however, a reviewer detailed panphobia straight from shearing’s mouth. no scapegoat to hide behind.
but i must say. including panphobic quotes in your bi book, especially unchallenged, is panphobic. you’re platforming panphobia. and disclaiming that you “don’t necessarily agree” with the panphobic quotes isn’t good enough. if you don’t point blank disagree with panphobia, then you’re a panphobe. it’s that simple.
once the book was published, i noticed five more reviews that mentioned the panphobia, and decided to use amazon and google to look through the book because i wasn’t about to spend money on it. and it is a shit show.
pansexual gets a subsection in the “other labels” section and is briefly defined (for some reason the author decided pansexual is “usually” defined as the literally definition) before shearing immediately pulls the ever annoying and biased “while pan is valid, here are all the ways pan people/pansexuality has harmed bi people/bisexuality.”
the pansexual subsection literally just details biphobia. why include it at all, other than to let us all know how you really feel about pan people/pansexuality. if you can’t talk about pansexuality without immediately and only talking about biphobia, then please do us all a favor and don’t talk about pansexuality. (not because biphobia isn’t important to talk about, but because pansexual people deserve better than you pretending to give a shit about us only to throw us under the bus the first chance you get.)
it’s said in this subsection that some people use “pan instead of bi” (a phrase i loathe because no, i didn’t “choose pan over bi”) because they think bi is binary, and while this scenario surely exists, mentioning it in the beginning of the subsection that is supposed to educate people on pansexuality frames it as if it’s the most important or majority experience.
shearing then boldly and falsely claims that the bi community/movement has never defined bi as “men and women” and uses the bisexual manifesto as proof. tell me you didn’t do your research or you’re actively knowingly erasing it without telling me you didn’t do your research or you’re actively knowingly erasing it. a glance at my queer studies shelf on here will lead you to plenty of bisexual nonfiction written by a collective of bi people that use binary definitions/language. (also, shearing attributes the bi manifesto to binetusa, even though the blog post cited literally says it’s from the bay area bi+ & pan network. again. was any research done?)
in the pan subsection, lizzo is said to be pan even though nowhere has she publicly claimed that label. then we get this absolute pile of shit: “because of these misconceptions, some bi people have come to think that identifying as pan is biphobic, as it implies that bi is binary, outdated, or transphobic. a lot has been written on this topic, and a lot of it wrongly accuses all pan people of trying to erase bi.” what a mild and incomplete framing of panphobia from bi people in this so called “debate.” my identity isn’t some trending topic and people being panphobic is not some hot take on it. it’s queerphobia. watering down panphobia is panphobic.
this narrative frames pan people as instigators, making uneducated/false/harmful accusations about bi people, and bi people as reactors, simply “thinking” generalized things about pan people in response to their biphobia. to write in the subsection meant to educate people on pansexuality that panphobia is an understandable reaction, that pan people are actually the ones at fault, is disgusting. and the erasure of the widespread, large scale, malicious panphobia from bi people is glaring.
shearing then says identifying as pan isn’t inherently biphobia (you mean it?! really and for true?! bless you!!!) and there are lots of reasons why people identify as “pan instead of bi” (again with the phrase....gag me), but instead of sharing literally any of these reasons and experiences, the focus is shifted to how people can identify as both bi and pan.
it’s said that overlap shouldn’t cause friction, but celebration. unsurprisingly, nothing is said about how it’s the same for the differences. it’s always “overlap overlap, similarities similarities, some use both labels some use both labels” with these people and never anything about how legitimate it is to not identify with both labels or feel that either could fit you and that doesn’t mean you disrespect, condemn, or judge the other.
and that’s the end of the pan subsection. entirely about pan people being biphobic or others being biphobic while explaining pansexuality and how it’s totally cool to use both labels. great. thanks. super enlightening. super unbiased and objective. cool cool cool cool.
elsewhere shearing says label cops are fond of telling bi people they’re pan and pan should replace bi. again, biphobia in relation to pan, with no mention of the reverse, as if pan people are never told they’re bi or that bi is good enough so pan doesn’t need to exist. as if again panphobia from bi people doesn’t exist on a whole different level than biphobia from pan people. as if you would ever see book after book after book written by pan people educating the masses on pansexuality while completely throwing bi people under the bus not only get published, but uncritically supported, praised, and celebrated as groundbreaking and important by the queer community.
(shearing also uses the term “genderblind,” saying it’s how some bi people identify/feel. which is just another example of pan people getting absolutely slaughtered, often by bi people, for something that bi people partake in without anyone batting an eye.)
so. all of that directly from shearing’s panphobic mouth. remember how i mentioned they said the only panphobia in the book was one single quote from someone else? well she said it was removed from the book before publication, so all is well. but if you know anything about panphobes, then you know they love lying! shearing also deleted all the tweets related to this. so. do with that what you will.
(the “omni/polysexual” and fluid subsections are a combined three sentences, the queer subsection is longer and more positive/helpful than the pan subsection but it falsely says queer was originally a slur and is only “mostly” reclaimed. that’s a slap in the face to not only the queer people who adopted the word before nonqueers weaponized it against the community but also the queer people who fought tooth and nail to get it back. it’s reclaimed, period. that doesn’t mean everyone has to use or be comfy being called it, but there is no work to be done reclaiming it.)
i could’ve looked though a bit more of the book, but i’m pretty sure the rest of it will be about the same; a hot fucking mess. and i honestly don’t care what else is in the book. this panphobia is enough for me to make a judgement (and give it a review/rating). this book is garbage and the author is a panphobe, though probably one of the panphobes who adamantly claim to support pan people. gag me.
February 15, 2021
2.5-3 2.5 to 3 stars
Thank you to NetGalley for providing me an early copy to review!
It's been a few weeks and I'm still not fully sure how I feel about this one. I was expecting more of a how-to guide like This Book is Gay and this wasn't that. For me, it focussed too much on all the challenges bi people face versus acting as a resource to work through those issues it just kept stating them and how they all fit together which is important but there's so much more than that. The submissions weren't very diverse and it kind of all felt like the writer's opinions more than a book to help people find themselves. The author also made some panphobic statements which were not cool. The book felt like it was only targetted at female-identifying people who are most interested in the same as opposed to the bi community as a whole which is what I would have wanted. There were just a lot of things I thought were missing that would have really helped me if I was a teen who had picked up this book based on my own past experiences this book wouldn't have helped me as much as I think it was intended to. I am really glad that a book like this exists and I hope that it inspires more books and encourages others to write similar books and for them to be published because it's definitely something missing.
Thank you to NetGalley for providing me an early copy to review!
It's been a few weeks and I'm still not fully sure how I feel about this one. I was expecting more of a how-to guide like This Book is Gay and this wasn't that. For me, it focussed too much on all the challenges bi people face versus acting as a resource to work through those issues it just kept stating them and how they all fit together which is important but there's so much more than that. The submissions weren't very diverse and it kind of all felt like the writer's opinions more than a book to help people find themselves. The author also made some panphobic statements which were not cool. The book felt like it was only targetted at female-identifying people who are most interested in the same as opposed to the bi community as a whole which is what I would have wanted. There were just a lot of things I thought were missing that would have really helped me if I was a teen who had picked up this book based on my own past experiences this book wouldn't have helped me as much as I think it was intended to. I am really glad that a book like this exists and I hope that it inspires more books and encourages others to write similar books and for them to be published because it's definitely something missing.
May 2, 2023
This would be a helpful book for bisexual women that walks you through biphobia and erasure as well as the many ways society treats bisexual women based on myths and stereotypes. While it talks about bi men and trans folks it doesn’t do a great job at it and is probably not an area of interest for the author.
December 9, 2025
I suggest to read this book to everyone who is questioning about their bisexuality or consider themselves bisexual (or in general non-monosexual) as well as anyone who doesn’t know much about bisexuality and the issues bi people face every day. If you still have prejudices about bisexuality and believe in stereotypes, this book will make you look reality in the face and will show you the truth. Even if you think you know enough about this theme, I recommend you to read this book.
This book can be helpful to make you understand and embrace your bisexuality, since it’s written by a bisexual person who talks about their experiences and mentions quotes from bi people about their experiences and the issues they faced throughout their lives (it mentions also quotes from activists, resources and so on).
Moreover, this book provides accurately statistic data for every sensitive topic and sections (especially for visibility, bi erasure, intersectional biphobia, violence and mental health’s problems bi people are likely to face for their own identity).
To sum up, this book deconstructs all of the stereotypes, biphobic takes, deepens bi+ community’s history and analyze bisexuality in all its complexity.
It’s also written in a simple yet never superficial way, so anyone can understand clearly what they are reading.
But more importantly: this book keeps on validating bisexuality in every form and in all its aspects, never forgetting that «the bi community deserves so much more than only to be defined by our erasure and shared prejudice».
I hope this kind of books succeeds in opening the eyes of all those people who stand still firmly on their conservative positions, and at the same time helps all bi people out there to embrace their sexuality and to become more comfortable and confident with their own identity.
“[…]no matter how much society tries to erase and suppress us, the bi community continues to fight, love, argue, scheme, succeed, party, create, celebrate, and, well, exist.”
”While the bi community might be erased and critically under-funded, it’s definitely there, providing support and resources and solidarity all over the world.”
This book can be helpful to make you understand and embrace your bisexuality, since it’s written by a bisexual person who talks about their experiences and mentions quotes from bi people about their experiences and the issues they faced throughout their lives (it mentions also quotes from activists, resources and so on).
Moreover, this book provides accurately statistic data for every sensitive topic and sections (especially for visibility, bi erasure, intersectional biphobia, violence and mental health’s problems bi people are likely to face for their own identity).
To sum up, this book deconstructs all of the stereotypes, biphobic takes, deepens bi+ community’s history and analyze bisexuality in all its complexity.
It’s also written in a simple yet never superficial way, so anyone can understand clearly what they are reading.
But more importantly: this book keeps on validating bisexuality in every form and in all its aspects, never forgetting that «the bi community deserves so much more than only to be defined by our erasure and shared prejudice».
I hope this kind of books succeeds in opening the eyes of all those people who stand still firmly on their conservative positions, and at the same time helps all bi people out there to embrace their sexuality and to become more comfortable and confident with their own identity.
“[…]no matter how much society tries to erase and suppress us, the bi community continues to fight, love, argue, scheme, succeed, party, create, celebrate, and, well, exist.”
”While the bi community might be erased and critically under-funded, it’s definitely there, providing support and resources and solidarity all over the world.”
dnf
December 9, 2021Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and Netgalley for the an e-book copy of this book.
Bi the Way is pitched to readers as "your essential guide to understanding and embracing bisexuality." The blurb gives the feeling of openness, understanding and acceptance.
Unfortunately I decided to DNF (Did not finish) this book. I was hopeful when I started as I was blown away by the Introduction but the book dived from there.
There were things I enjoyed about the book, the boxes that held personal experiences from other people were really emotional. The authors rants were not.
Yes I understand that the author has a right to rant but with one hand they were damning Bi erasure and with the other they undermined the Pan-sexual members of the community.
When they were talking of the injustices facing the Bi community I could feel myself becoming out ragged but a few lines later they would basically denied the need for the term Pan-sexual and then try to include the group later as to not be divisive. The author swung from inclusive to erasure.
As someone who identifies as Pan this was infuriating, I just wished they had chosen a view. Suddenly the fact that anyone like me is attracted to more than two genders is irrelevant. If that approach was given to sexuality in general there would be no LGBT+
I did learn some new information from the book that I hadn't known before. However after fifty or so pages I had enough of Shearing's hot footing it on and off support for Pan-sexual's and DNF''ed the book.
The imaginative cover and intriguing blurb were not enough to save the book for me. Perhaps if it had been more of other peoples experiences and information on the history of the Bi community and less of Shearing;s personal opinions I might have finished it. As it was though I was finding some parts interesting I struggled to want to read it.
I would suggest that only those who consider themselves Bi read this book. If I wanted to be told I am not what I think I am I would hang out with homophobic relatives.
Bi the Way is pitched to readers as "your essential guide to understanding and embracing bisexuality." The blurb gives the feeling of openness, understanding and acceptance.
Unfortunately I decided to DNF (Did not finish) this book. I was hopeful when I started as I was blown away by the Introduction but the book dived from there.
There were things I enjoyed about the book, the boxes that held personal experiences from other people were really emotional. The authors rants were not.
Yes I understand that the author has a right to rant but with one hand they were damning Bi erasure and with the other they undermined the Pan-sexual members of the community.
When they were talking of the injustices facing the Bi community I could feel myself becoming out ragged but a few lines later they would basically denied the need for the term Pan-sexual and then try to include the group later as to not be divisive. The author swung from inclusive to erasure.
As someone who identifies as Pan this was infuriating, I just wished they had chosen a view. Suddenly the fact that anyone like me is attracted to more than two genders is irrelevant. If that approach was given to sexuality in general there would be no LGBT+
I did learn some new information from the book that I hadn't known before. However after fifty or so pages I had enough of Shearing's hot footing it on and off support for Pan-sexual's and DNF''ed the book.
The imaginative cover and intriguing blurb were not enough to save the book for me. Perhaps if it had been more of other peoples experiences and information on the history of the Bi community and less of Shearing;s personal opinions I might have finished it. As it was though I was finding some parts interesting I struggled to want to read it.
I would suggest that only those who consider themselves Bi read this book. If I wanted to be told I am not what I think I am I would hang out with homophobic relatives.
June 25, 2021
**Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for providing an e-arc of this book**
When I saw this book listed on Netgalley I was so excited. As a Bi person, I thought this would be a fun "guide to life" but in actuality, it's a mixture of a history lesson (which is interesting), a guide to activism (which also pretty dope), and then just an info dump based on the author's own experiences.
One particular thing that struck out to me was Shearing's dismissal of Pansexuality. It seems she classes it as 'woke' bisexuality created to make us bi people feel bad because we're not as inclusive and you know what I get where she's coming from because a few years ago I kinda felt that way too but through discussion with Pan people and looking into the history of the label it became clear that it's a separate VALID identity and it's not us to us Bi people to tell anyone their identity is invalid. Someone with so much lived experience in the community and who clearly spent a bunch of time researching for this book would be able to discern that difference and should be able to at the very least acknowledge the validity of other people's chosen identifiers.
To be completely honest I ended up skimming most of the book and struggling to finish it which is no fun. I wish this was an actual guide to being Bi/bisexual identity but it leaves a lot to be desired.
When I saw this book listed on Netgalley I was so excited. As a Bi person, I thought this would be a fun "guide to life" but in actuality, it's a mixture of a history lesson (which is interesting), a guide to activism (which also pretty dope), and then just an info dump based on the author's own experiences.
One particular thing that struck out to me was Shearing's dismissal of Pansexuality. It seems she classes it as 'woke' bisexuality created to make us bi people feel bad because we're not as inclusive and you know what I get where she's coming from because a few years ago I kinda felt that way too but through discussion with Pan people and looking into the history of the label it became clear that it's a separate VALID identity and it's not us to us Bi people to tell anyone their identity is invalid. Someone with so much lived experience in the community and who clearly spent a bunch of time researching for this book would be able to discern that difference and should be able to at the very least acknowledge the validity of other people's chosen identifiers.
To be completely honest I ended up skimming most of the book and struggling to finish it which is no fun. I wish this was an actual guide to being Bi/bisexual identity but it leaves a lot to be desired.
March 1, 2021
I really wanted to like this.
But I just didn’t. To be honest all it did was make me feel bad about myself, and I skim read the second half.
All but one of the chapters was about the negativity the bi community faces, and whilst I guess this is important to know, I can’t imagine ever recommending this to its target audience (which I’m guessing is younger people, or people starting their journey).
I’ve only really recently made peace with the fact I’m bi, and it’s not a big deal I don’t talk about it that much, but reading page upon page about erasure, stereotypes, and bi-phobia isn’t something I want or need at this point.
One thing I did appreciate though was a bit of insight into the history and activism in the community. But it wasn’t enough to make me feel happy I read it, or feel good about myself 🤷🏼♀️
As other reviewers have noted there’s some issues around how pansexuality is discussed, I’m not entirely across all of it so I encourage you to check out what they have said in their reviews! It also was super repetitive, for a short book that isn’t great. I just think something with a bit more bi joy would have been better, or even if it was sprinkled in there a bit more.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the e-ARC in exchange for a review.
But I just didn’t. To be honest all it did was make me feel bad about myself, and I skim read the second half.
All but one of the chapters was about the negativity the bi community faces, and whilst I guess this is important to know, I can’t imagine ever recommending this to its target audience (which I’m guessing is younger people, or people starting their journey).
I’ve only really recently made peace with the fact I’m bi, and it’s not a big deal I don’t talk about it that much, but reading page upon page about erasure, stereotypes, and bi-phobia isn’t something I want or need at this point.
One thing I did appreciate though was a bit of insight into the history and activism in the community. But it wasn’t enough to make me feel happy I read it, or feel good about myself 🤷🏼♀️
As other reviewers have noted there’s some issues around how pansexuality is discussed, I’m not entirely across all of it so I encourage you to check out what they have said in their reviews! It also was super repetitive, for a short book that isn’t great. I just think something with a bit more bi joy would have been better, or even if it was sprinkled in there a bit more.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the e-ARC in exchange for a review.
June 15, 2021
This is a well researched and nearly comprehensive title on what it means to be bisexual, the history and stigmas against the bisexual community, and the kinds if overlap that can happen with other sexualities, romantic preferences, and gender identity. Shearing has gifted us with a book that can be given to our children as they discover their sexuality as well as parents or friends when we are explaining ours. I haven't felt so seen--in a good way--by a book in a long time. If the publishing house were to also present us with similar titles for gender identity and Asexual/Aromantic people I would be a strong advocate for them based on this book.
June 17, 2021
I, unfortunately, ended up DNF-ing this. I found that included a lot more personal stories from the author herself, among other activists, than any type of guide for the reader. While this is not a bad thing, it is just not what I prefer or was looking for. And while it did have a lot of good information, I found some of it worded confusingly as well as hard to point out when it is shoved in the middle of an anecdote/story.
March 5, 2022
A book about bisexuality? Dealing with bisexual issues? Not bookended with apologies and internalised biphobia in every sentence? Well I'll be damned.
This is, mostly, great. It's separated into chapters which look at different aspects of bisexuality, and while it's clear which the author feels most confident about (I would've really liked a more comprehensive, specific and maybe sourced section on bi+ history, especially given the claims about bi history throughout the rest of the book) it was universally useful, interesting and contained material you simply can't find in other books (see bi erasure).
I did have a problem with the tone of the book. The very chatty, informal style, combined with snarky/cutesy (often ageist) asides, and terms and niche references that aren't fully explained make it read like at times like an extended Tumblr post. As a terminally online millenial bi, this wasn't a problem for me in terms of losing content - I understood everything - but I was painfully aware that anyone outside the particular late millenial/early Gen Z, bisexual, exceedingly online microculture would find chunks of this going over their head - often the bits intended (presumably) to make the book more relatable and easy to read. It's a shame given the dearth of available books and materials on bisexuality, because this is the book I'd really like to recommend to people, but most of the people I'd like to buy it for would be put off by this framing (or would simply not understand what the book is trying to say).
I was more disappointed in this than I might otherwise be because honestly, the actual content of this book is great. I particularly enjoyed the later chapters, which leave a lot of the chatty stuff out to focus on solid explanations and laying out of issues. The chapters on biphobia are especially nuanced, sophisticated and yet fantastically accessible reading.
There is a lot here that everyone, gay, straight or bi+, could benefit from reading, and many people really NEED to read. I am a little wary in criticising this of enforcing "the perfect is the enemy of the good," especially since it is pretty unfair to expect something of the author they are not responsible for, namely a comprehensive and universally accessible guide to various issues surrounding bisexuality. It's especially apt because what this is is generally excellent - and the first and only book of its kind that I have found. While there are many references listed in the back of the book (the reference list alone makes it worth buying) and Shearling makes sure to claim the existence of a mass of bisexual literature, there's really nothing comparable out there in terms of what this book does and says and that's easily available (most of the even vaguely comparable books on bisexuality I've found over the past 5 years or so are out of print). It's lucky, then, that despite my single misgiving this book is fantastic.
4+ stars, rounded up to 5.
This is, mostly, great. It's separated into chapters which look at different aspects of bisexuality, and while it's clear which the author feels most confident about (I would've really liked a more comprehensive, specific and maybe sourced section on bi+ history, especially given the claims about bi history throughout the rest of the book) it was universally useful, interesting and contained material you simply can't find in other books (see bi erasure).
I did have a problem with the tone of the book. The very chatty, informal style, combined with snarky/cutesy (often ageist) asides, and terms and niche references that aren't fully explained make it read like at times like an extended Tumblr post. As a terminally online millenial bi, this wasn't a problem for me in terms of losing content - I understood everything - but I was painfully aware that anyone outside the particular late millenial/early Gen Z, bisexual, exceedingly online microculture would find chunks of this going over their head - often the bits intended (presumably) to make the book more relatable and easy to read. It's a shame given the dearth of available books and materials on bisexuality, because this is the book I'd really like to recommend to people, but most of the people I'd like to buy it for would be put off by this framing (or would simply not understand what the book is trying to say).
I was more disappointed in this than I might otherwise be because honestly, the actual content of this book is great. I particularly enjoyed the later chapters, which leave a lot of the chatty stuff out to focus on solid explanations and laying out of issues. The chapters on biphobia are especially nuanced, sophisticated and yet fantastically accessible reading.
There is a lot here that everyone, gay, straight or bi+, could benefit from reading, and many people really NEED to read. I am a little wary in criticising this of enforcing "the perfect is the enemy of the good," especially since it is pretty unfair to expect something of the author they are not responsible for, namely a comprehensive and universally accessible guide to various issues surrounding bisexuality. It's especially apt because what this is is generally excellent - and the first and only book of its kind that I have found. While there are many references listed in the back of the book (the reference list alone makes it worth buying) and Shearling makes sure to claim the existence of a mass of bisexual literature, there's really nothing comparable out there in terms of what this book does and says and that's easily available (most of the even vaguely comparable books on bisexuality I've found over the past 5 years or so are out of print). It's lucky, then, that despite my single misgiving this book is fantastic.
4+ stars, rounded up to 5.
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