Fired Up About Consent

Fired Up about

by Sarah Ratchford

According to the World Health Organization, one in three women will be sexually or physically assaulted in her lifetime. These rates are very similar for non-binary people and other feminized people, too. This is rape culture, and young adults are living through it here and now. Fired Up about Consent is a practical, survivor-informed primer for young people who want to learn how to build joyful, mutually satisfying sex lives and relationships.

In these pages, author Sarah Ratchford defines rape and sexual assault, busts the myths behind toothless messaging and outdated advice, and provides sex-positive scripts on how to ask for and offer a clear, enthusiastic, and freely given “Yes!” Along the way, Ratchford touches on topics such as #MeToo, gender identity, masturbation, virginity, porn, sex work, reporting assault, and more, all through a radically inclusive and intersectional lens.

The message is loud and clear: not only is consent sexy, it’s mandatory—and everyone deserves frank and empowering literacy around it. Only with empathy, compassion, and resistance can we move forward into a new culture of consent.

Genres: Nonfiction, Sexuality

190 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2021

Reviews

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Review in progress.

[Alex Nonymous · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks to the publisher for providing an eARC of Fired Up About Consent in exchange for an honest review.

In Fired Up About Consent, Sarah Ratchford explores the history, present, and potential future of consent, rape and rape culture. Ratchford tackles so many different angles here and it was incredibly informative to read. Based on the publisher and references used, I'm fairly certain Ratchet and I are based in the same province and while she does an excellent job of extending globally, I really appreciated the amount Canada and Ontario based information and I was mindblown by the amount of information I didn't know about my own province.

My one critique would be length. A few sections of this feel a bit redundant and repetitive and while I appreciate the want to make sure no information or stories are left out, I think it's also important to keep books like this as concise as possible to make sure you don't lose any readers.

[Elyse (ElyseReadsandSpeaks) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was good! A nonfiction book about consent and rape culture written by a nonbinary author.

I know my own feelings about rape culture, #MeToo, and how the system always seems to put the victim on trial. It didn't change any of my feelings about those things, but it did open my eyes a little wider to the plight of those around me who aren't white, cisgender women.

I also think the facts and stories presented flowed well and gave insight as to how this culture needs to be completely dismantled starting from childhood. It made me think about how I'll educate my son and I would honestly recommend a book like this being available to kids in high school.

[Tess · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and Between The Lines for providing me with an ARC in exchange for my honest opinion!

I've been devouring feminist literature lately, and Fired Up about Consent immediately caught my attention - and kept it. I believe that feminism has a huge issue in that it is too often breeding ground for transphobic mentalities, and Ratchford immediately condemned such notions, which I absolutely adored about this work. It's very intersectional, inclusive, and at all times aware of the privileges one might have when navigating our society.

In this piece, Ratchford tries to take a look at what a culture of consent might look like, what is currently keeping us from reaching it and which steps we may take to get there someday. Being a survivor themselves, they have an unique position in this debate, and certainly one that is way too often spoken over rather than listened to - all the more reason this piece holds so much value. Throughout the course of the book, Ratchford consults other survivors/victims and talks to them about their experience with sexual assault and rape, the criminal justice system, and the patriarchal and colonialist society we live in that leads to the current pandemic of rape. It's a heartbreaking insight, but also a hopeful one - rather than simply condemning the individuals that commit such crimes, they take a look at how we need to change our societal perception of rape and consent altogether, and perhaps even try to rehabilitate individuals, if the particular situation allows us to.

I very much enjoyed this nuanced approach to rape culture (and how we can turn it into consent culture) and took quite some things with me. Once this is released, I'll definitely be adding it to my bookshelf so I can reference it in the future!
Again, intersectionality is something I value greatly in feminist texts, and Ratchford clearly puts a lot of emphasis on it as well.

My only critique would be that some of the points made were repeated a little too often, making some of the text seemingly redundant and causing the book to drag on for a little longer than it might have needed to.

Altogether though, I genuinely enjoyed this nuanced and inclusive take on consent and can't wait to add it to my physical shelf!

[Violeta · Rating 4 out of 5]

An old subject mentioned again with a fresh and updated info. The book is giving light to the cultural climate surrounding rape and sexual assault. The author ur is looking towards a future where adolescents and not only are informed about consent.
#MeToo movement is mentioned several times as well as the fact that children raised as girls are taught to over-control their latent potential sexuality, to be nice and to be sexy but not too sexy. The terminology of the word "rape" has change in the past centuries and years and nowadays a rape is not "the evil man with a knife waiting in the alley to prey on defenceless women."
A very important message in the book is the fact that myths about rape and sexual assault focus on blaming the survivor and obscuring the reality of sexual assault. These ideas cast women as somehow wanting to be raped and men as being unable to stop themselves if the opportunity for rape presents itself.

[Laura May · Rating 3 out of 5]

"As a survivor, my hope doesn't have to cover my anger." p. 156

I received a review copy of this book, and was interested to read it. After previous material on the subject - whether Peggy Orenstein's review of sex and gender discourse (e.g. Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity), feminist takes on performativity (Performing Sex: The Making and Unmaking of Women's Erotic Lives) and kink (Thinking Kink: The Collision of BDSM, Feminism and Popular Culture), or the classic 'yes means yes' (Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape), I was curious to read an updated take on consent culture and what that would look like. Is there something these previous books hadn't covered? Possibly the most meaningful addition is the notion of consent *culture* rather than simply consent as an ongoing process. That is, a culture that centralises consent in all domains, rather than centralising whomever has the most power.

"A culture of consent supports a joyful, mutual affirmation of connectedness. Each person's needs and desires are centred, and everyone feels safe. ... But that isn't the dominant culture we live in" p.9

The book is made of four, readable, but understandably feisty essays: "Defining rape, defining consent"; "In the middle of rape culture"; "Conjuring consent culture"; "Taking action". It's written in an inclusive fashion, as I would expect a feminist book to be (though I take issue with the 'no true Scotsman' fallacy Ratchford throws in at the end of the book, that "no true feminist" participates in other systems of oppression, e.g. around race. She includes the 'truth' of a sign that 'feminism without intersectionality is just white supremacy', which seems over-stated at best. p. 134). It's full of data around things like assault and prosecution rates, with the final chapter providing advice to different stakeholders in a new consent culture, including men who have committed assault. There is even an interesting interlude around restorative justice.

I did though have a few quibbles with the book. Firstly, it is *extremely* America-centric, with North American issues and examples dominating. Further, all 'resources' in the final chapter on taking action refer to US- and Canada-based resources. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that—perhaps Ratchford was writing primarily or entirely for a North America-based audience. I'm also not sure quite how to qualify this, but the tone of the book is recognisably North American as well.

Okay, so let's say this book is mainly for North Americans. Which subgroups is it for? Victims of sexual assault, certainly; those interested in sexual autonomy; and those who know victims. But would I recommend this as general reading? Probably not, because of the demanding tone in which it is written—which even I found confronting. In a similar vein, there are sections about violence against men, which is inclusive of course; but there's also this incredibly confrontational section in the last chapter addressed to men who have committed assault and telling them to talk to their 'bros'. The biggest problem I had with this part, other than that I think it's probably going to be too aggressive for somebody who's not already a die-hard feminist, is that it still manages to centralise perpetrators. For instance, Ratchford gives the advice to men who have raped somebody to "Tell any new partners that you assaulted someone, and tell them what you're doing for healthier, safer boundaries." (p. 153). Now frankly, I don't understand this. As a multiple survivor myself, the idea of one of these guys saying that to a new sexual partner makes me feel erased. It's like, they get to go 'oops' and move on with their lives. Needless to say, if somebody said something like that to me, I would be out the door so fast I'd probably get splinters. Is this perhaps Ratchford's intention, to ensure that perpetrators are castigated and rejected at the point of vulnerability? She speaks about the need to 'rebalance' the world in the paragraphs preceding this recommendation—is some kind of retributive justice actually what she's talking about here? I don't get it.

Ratchford's definitions of sex and rape are also problematic. For her, "sex is a mutual agreement between people to engage in certain activities" (p. 23)—so, mini golf. I prefer Faith Harper's definition, which is inclusive but also more specific: sex as "a consensual act between one or more people involving stimulation of the vagina, vulva, clitoris, penis, testicles, or anus, for the purposes of pleasure and/or emotional or social connectedness" (though I'm wondering if even this definition could be extended) (Unfuck Your Intimacy: Using Science for Better Relationships, Sex, and Dating).

Why is this important? Firstly, we need to consider Ratchford's reiteration of that phrase-that-just-won't-die, "[r]ape is not about sex; it is about power." (p. 11). This phrase, not to put too fine a point on it, is bullshit. While rape tends to be done by people who HAVE power, and it REPRODUCES power, it is ALSO about sex. It is about sex not because the means of doing rape include activities that could otherwise be part of sex, but because the sex that survivors may have afterwards is so often affected by trauma. Perhaps they can't do some things, or don't want to do some things, or are sent into flashbacks by other things. If rape isn't about sex but about power, then these multiple traumatic outcomes are in some way evidence of a defective victim who didn't know what the rape was 'really' about.

Furthermore, as Chen points out in her book on asexuality (Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex), this divides things into 'sex' which is 'good' and 'rape' which is 'bad'. Now, I'm not going to debate the second one—but we all know sex is not always 'good'; whether physically, emotionally, morally, or in terms of desirability (aces aren't 'bad' for not wanting it, for example). One can *consent* to sex but not actually want it, as discussed by Chen and illustrated by Cahill in an incredibly interesting thesis (https://atrium.lib.uoguelph.ca/xmlui/...). For that reason, Chen instead uses Nagoski's sliding scale from 'enthusiastic' through to 'coerced' (i.e. unwanted) for 'sex' without even getting into rape (Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life). Taking this approach may have been helpful for a book about consent, particularly one which does refer to unenjoyable and unwanted sex ("Almost half of heterosexual millennial women don't enjoy sex." (p. 50)—and it's worth noting that 86% of lesbians do enjoy sex).

A more minor quibble is that Ratchford refers to the 'three Fs' of fear response, when authors such as Walker posit four: fight, flight, freeze, fawn (Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving). This is particularly relevant for those with existing trauma histories, noting that women raised in abusive households are eight times more likely to experience sexual violence (The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma).

Overall, this is an interesting book, and addresses an important topic; I'm just not sure it will move the field, or discussion, forward. 3*

A few interesting quotes and factoids:

"As many as 15 percent of college-aged men [in the United States] admit to having committed rape" p. 20 (Mouilso, "Personality and Perpetration", VAW 22,10 (2016))

"According to a 2014 study, one-fifth of Black women are raped each year in the U.S., and four in ten experience another form of sexual assault." p. 26

"A Seattle study found that nearly every Native American womxn in that city had been raped or sexually coerced." (p. 27). 70% of the attackers were non-Native. (Davila, Seattle Times Aug 23 2018)

"only five in a thousand rapes result in a conviction in the U.s. In England and Wales, only 1.5 percent of rape cases lead to a charge or summons... In the UK, 83% of survivors do not report to police." p. 70-71.

[SassyBooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and Between The Lines for providing me with an ARC in exchange for a honest review

4.5/5 stars

Fired up about Consent is a book that extensively discusses rape culture, consent culture and was backed with a lot of research. Ratchford's book is informative and discussed these topics in a way I did not find triggering myself, which I thank them for - yes, the topic is heavy, but their professional way of discussing the topics was for me something that did not trigger me in reading the subjects. (However, always keep in mind before reading a book with a subject like this if you're up for it.)

I was happy of Ratchford's inclusiveness of race, LGBTQ+, disabilities and other marginalized groups in her book. They are often overlooked and feel not represented (I was glad seeing facts I felt represented by), but also, non-marginalized groups should learn how these groups are affected. People being represented is important, and it made this book extra good.

I recommended this book to a few friends right after reading it! I can't wait for them to read it and see what they think!

Slight note, but this might be about the ARC I received: The cited sources were all over the place, and some text bumped a bit from here to there, where sentences were interrupted by a text about a different subject, and then a sentence continued on. I figured these were just pre-release mistakes!

[Brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

First a massive thank you to NetGalley and Between The Lines publishing for the ARC.
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As is obvious from the title, this book is about consent and sexualised violence. So it’s important that I include a trigger warning before continuing on with the review. There is a continuous mention of rape, and detailed accounts of the feelings or trauma exhibited from rape survivors. There is also mention of self harm and suicide. Please be cautious if these are a trigger for you, as they are prevalent throughout.

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This is such an incredibly important book for everyone in my opinion. It’s very insightful and educational, as well as truly empowering and prompts a sense of companionship and solidarity. It’s a very haunting, raw and often upsetting book which sheds light on so many prominent aspects of rape culture and how to navigate through it. It’s an incredibly poignant and indispensable book.

I found it an easy read in terms of the flow of the book. Sarah Ratchford sets out clear definitions and expands upon these to ensure the technical terms are comprehensible to all readers and further explains why she has used specific terms. As stated, it flows easily although the content is a little harder to digest.

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This novel evokes a lot of emotional responses as the book continues. I found myself incredibly angry towards the injustice exhibited to people all over the world. It rightfully emphasises the flaws systematically ingrained, not only in the judicial system but also within society as a whole. You cannot claim to be a feminist and care for the sexual abuse/rape of fellow members of society if you are still being ignorant or complicit towards the racial injustice all around you.

It’s so fundamental when we discuss rape and consent, to advocate for everyone. People of all races, abilities, genders, sexualities etc. Not just primarily focus on white, cisgender, heterosexual accounts, although still important, it enforces white supremacy, suggesting white cisgender peoples lives and sexual assaults are more important to those of different ethnic minority, abilities, genders or sexualities. This book enlightens us to the unfortunate truth that the main rape or sexualised violence pleas that see court, and offer convictions, are primarily white, cisgender, heterosexual, able-bodied and oftentimes more well off or well known individuals. This is the devastating truth of the system and books like these which bring these unlawful practises to light are incredibly important to begin invoking change.

I’m really glad that not only are cisgender, heterosexual women acknowledged in this book but black, indigenous, transsexual/transgender, non binary and other marginalised people are also given their own space to speak up. It’s so paramount that statistics of these communities are brought to the forefront and enhance awareness. It’s staggering how little help these individuals get from the judicial system when reporting sexual assault or rape, based primarily on stereotypes of race or gender. I wish I could say it was shocking, but unfortunately, it isn’t. Unfortunately, things like rape and sexual assault tend to be ignored and dismissed by police, so it’s if anything, even less shocking with the way our system runs, that individuals outside of the police’s own race, gender or capabilities are inevitably pushed aside or mocked.


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Overall, I feel this book is an important resource for everyone to read. If you’re a survivor of rape or sexualised violence as triggering as this book can be, it’s also a wonderful source of empowerment, it makes you feel seen and heard in a society where you often feel lost and alone. There are also some excellent resources at the end of the book for anyone who has survived any kind of sexualised violence to access, if you require any extra support. Or, even if you’re happy just to acknowledge what services are available to you when you’re ready to begin you’re journey to heal. You are not alone.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Tayler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fired Up about Consent by Sarah Ratchford is a book for anyone passionate about sexual assault prevention, or for anyone who considers themselves a feminist. Throughout the book Ratchford writes paints a picture of what a culture of consent could look like. I would say this book is for beginners, full of definitions, explanations, and examples from Ratchford’s own life and the lives of others. This book is for survivors of “sexualized violence” (I love this updated term) and is inclusive for all identities. If you want to learn more about demystifying what a culture of consent looks like, how to have healthier communication and relationships, and how to support and advocate for survivors, and prevent more from being subjected to gender-based violence, this is the book for you.
I work in the interpersonal violence prevention field, so I was instantly drawn to the title of this book, Fired Up About Consent. However, I’m not sure if other people who aren’t passionate about sexual assault prevention will be fired up about this book. In my brief research, it seems like Fired Up about Consent is a part of a larger series of books that delve deeper into social justice issues people should care about (Fired Up about Capitalism by Tom Malleson and Fired Up about Reproductive Rights by Jane Kirby). There is not much in the way of marketing to connect the titles besides the titles themselves and the publisher. If this book wasn’t a part of a larger theme, I would love for it to be called Creating a Culture of Consent.
Because of the introductory nature of the content, I felt like the chapters were doing a bit too much at times. There was a lot of different things happening under one chapter heading, and sometimes I would forget what we were talking about. That proved difficult for me to reference back to certain sections later. Another pet peeve of mine as I was reading was the text boxes. It was frustrating to read a paragraph and a sentence would be cut off in the middle by a text box. I would either lose momentum for that section or have skip over the textbox to finish the sentence or paragraph and then come back to the text box. I personally felt like they were very disruptive in their placements.
Other than those nit-picky technically things, I found the content very informative. Ratchford makes some really good points that are very researched and concise. There were some concepts that were freshly reimagined to me, and the terminology was explained well. Ratchford really took in consideration the power of words. I almost got Cosmopolitan vibes from the voice of the writing, but in a way that describes consent culture in a way that’s not inaccessible for everyday people.
Overall, I really enjoyed the book. However, I would say that I feel more informed, than fired up.

[Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to lead with these images of this book's scarity. It is very uncommon for a modern book to jump from released to $73 a pop, or $23 if you get one of the last ones on Amazon.
Obviously, when I saw the title my heart stopped. This is MY subject! Consent!! YES!!! And when I say this book not only blew me away but BROUGHT 👏 THE 👏 RECEIPTS! WOW. I actually think the best way to intake this knowledge is by listening to it on audiobook, because there are SO many quotes and statistics and articles. And unlike many audiobooks, the reader goes to them! So you hear these gorgeous receipts down to their last perfect detail.
In reading as many books as I have so far this year, I know there are many that claim many things. There are books that claim polar opposites to be absolute truth (even though that's an inproper use of the term "absolute truth"). But not as many bring receipts. And even fewer audiobooks READ the receipts. So this audiobook, $10, is one I'm already going to tell you I highly recommend!
But now to the content. Consent. Something that this world needs more of. We need more consent in EVERY area of our lives. So many people think consent is only for sex. Some more wise people think it applies to children's autonomy to say yes or no to physical touch. But few consider it when they go to the most obvious place- the doctor. A place we're supposed to just inherently trust. Yet I've heard countless parents recount how traumatic a C-section was ("I didn't even know everyone whose hands were in my uterus!"), or coworkers interrupt someone's work to talk or show them something.
In my own house, we're all guilty of that last one. Though I try to ask if I can show something before I do, the excitement of seeing something cool can make it seem like THE most important thing in the world! But that's incredibly selfish. What my son or my partner is doing is clearly worth their time- because they're doing it. So I know that sometimes it's better to save it for later or send it in a message.
These are just examples. But read/listen to this book, and ask yourself this: why is it almost out of print? Publication date: March, 2021. 🤔

[Nessa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you Netgalley for the eARC! I thought this was a really good book about rape culture, consent and how to deal with sexualized violence depending on who you are in the scenario (rapist, victim/survivor, or just know either person). This book was filled with so much information and I got some great notes while reading it. I think it could have been organized a bit better though because there was so much information per chapter that sometimes I lost track of what the authour was talking about in the first place or what the point of that section was. There were also some parts that I felt were repeated multiple times throughout the book. One thing I liked was how Ratchford explained why they used certain phrases such as "womxn" and "sexualized violence." Overall this was a really interesting book and I learned a lot from it!

3.5/5

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book would be a great read for just about anyone, regardless of your experience level with the subject matter. It’s equal parts a history lesson on legislation surrounding sexual assault and a how-to manual for everything from what to do if someone you know has been called out for SA to actionable tips to foster positive relationships that reflect consent culture. All with the author’s own firsthand experiences as a non-binary SA survivor weaved throughout. And despite being meticulously researched, the writing is super accessible, conversational, and easy to absorb. (Tajja Isen’s flawless narration of the audiobook only enhances this.)

TL;DR: If you consider yourself a feminist, this is required reading. (So long as you’re in a place where you can handle content about rape, SA, etc., of course.)

[Savannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great read that offers a fresh lens into SA/r*pe. I really appreciated the authors authenticity and ability to share their story while also not centering themselves in the narrative. It is very North American centric in terms of resources but I think the author does a really great job incorporating stories and cases from all over the world. I think this would be a great read for high school students on consent and healthy relationships; it’s digestible and also emphasizes that anyone can be an abuser not just a single gender

[Trina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fired Up about Consent is a good book. This book is a thorough exploration of consent. It's not for the casual reader, Fired Up about Consent is a study of the cultural impacts on consent and rape. This book's examination is scientific in its gathering of data regarding culture and consent.

[Reilly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Review to come.

[mat bullock-betts · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not one mention of Transformative Justice!? This is a solid resource for people learning about consent and systemic sexualized violence.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

See my review in Quill & Quire: https://quillandquire.com/review/fire...

[Kate Henderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

**Listened to the audiobook**

I have read/listened to lots of books on this topic.
This book was just OK. There wasn't anything in here that will stick with me, or that stands out compared to the other books I have read.
The narrator was pleasant enough - but there just wasn't enough originality in this book for me.
Just same old, same old.
Needed and wanted more!

[Caoilo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Title: Fired Up about Consent
By: Sarah Ratchford
Publisher: Between the Lines
Genre: Health, Mind & Body | Teens & YA
Pub Date: 01 Mar 2021

Thank you to Between the Lines and NetGalley for giving me an ARC of this book for review.

In Fired Up about Consent Sarah Ratchford uses her knowledge to defines rape and sexual assault, as well as banish myths, and victim blaming. The writer also includes not just cis woman in this book but also Female identifying people. Ratchford talks about movements such as #MeToo. Ratchford makes sure to write an inclusive way. Unlike most books that are on such topics, Ratchford has included information and statistics about other countries around the world and not solely focused just on the one she lives in.

Ratchford not only approaches what means yes and what means no, she also broaches the following subjects: masturbation, virginity, porn, gender identity, sex work, reporting and not reporting assault, reformative justice and more. The book doesn’t just show us what consent is and isn’t, it shows us that requesting and listening to consent (or rejection) is a key part of human nature and if the reader is not following this way of thinking, then they should. Because if they don’t, they are causing harm.

It is obvious from the out set what this book is here to say. Ratchford doesn’t sugar coat it so that those who are weary of feminism can swallow it easily. She is up front and a lot of the time brutally honest. Some suggested reading that Ratchford mentioned were Audre Lorde and Sarah Deer. It was educational to see what laws there were, or in most cases weren’t, for women in other countries.

I felt this book was powerful. It made me feel like there was a whole community of people with similar experiences to me. I saw how other legal systems also failed woman and how few laws there are to protect women from the men in their own countries. It really got me pumped about changing society, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. We are now seeing woman take to social media and telling people about their experiences so that people start to realize just how widespread this epidemic is. The hashtags 97% and Itsenoughmen have started to tread. Of course, this is being hit back at with #notallmen. Which just goes to show the lack of understanding and sexism society is still guilty of.

Ratchford deals with the topic of restorative justice in this book. Personally, for me, I don’t think I could be gracious enough to allow that for the person who raped me. Though I guess some kind of justice is better than nothing which was what I got. I admire those who believe in restorative justice and I was glad it was explored in the book.

I really wanted to give this book five stars but couldn’t as one of the “facts” about an Irish rape case was wrong. In her book Ratchford says that a judge said that a rape victim had consented to sex by wearing a thong. This is incorrect it was the defense lawyer Elizabeth O’Connell SC. Yes, you read that right this 17 year-old was hounded by a female lawyer about wearing a thong.

[Nicole Baron · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book’s mixture of facts and testimonials. Really great presentation of information that could apply to anyone with any level of knowledge in the subject. I’ll most likely reread with my children when they are older. We (society)need more open unfiltered discussion under consent.