Parenting in the Screen Age: A Guide for Calm Conversations

by Delaney Ruston

Does every conversation with your child or teen about screen time blow up into a fight? Or maybe you avoid bringing up the topic but silently harbor worry and frustration. How can you better understand what you’re up against — and most importantly, ensure the healthiest screen time possible?


In Parenting in the Screen Age, award-winning filmmaker, and mental health advocate Dr. Delaney Ruston distills more than a decade of communications research into a definitive guide for today’s parents. Packed with evidence-based insights on screen time from researchers, input from kids and teens, and solutions drawn from Dr. Ruston’s own messy parenting struggles, this guide shows you how to start--and sustain--productive family talks about technology. You’ll learn how to:

- Bring up screen time without making your child or teen defensive
- Talk through difficult issues like online social cruelty, sexting, and mental health
- Engage your child in creating boundaries around Netflix, video gaming, and social media
- Have screen time limits that actually work--with less of the sneaking or arguing

During the COVID pandemic or after, this book will help you lead your child to become more tech-wise and life balanced — empowering them to build a healthier relationship with our digital world, now and into their future.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

Paperback

Published January 1, 2020

About the author

Delaney Ruston, M.D. is a filmmaker, Stanford trained physician, international speaker, and the creator of the award-winning films Screenagers and Screenagers NEXT CHAPTER. A trusted expert on screen time and parenting and improving the wellbeing of today’s youth, Ruston has appeared on “Good Morning America,” “The Today Show,” and “PBS NewsHour” and has been invited to speak at Google, The Aspen Institute, the United Nations, and conferences and schools worldwide. To date, her films have been seen by over 4.5 million kids and adults at screenings in 85 countries.

Reviews

[Regan · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is like the 80s/90s at my house. My 7 and 11 y/o do not have their own tablets or phones. Screen time is limited to 2 hours/day. If you watch tv or place the three Nintendo switch games, there is no IPad time. iPad is for parent approved apps - no YouTube or internet games. No social media. FaceTime with family doesn’t count towards the screen time limit. I understand for some it likely sounds like we live in Amish country. But, because of it, we don’t have a lot of the issues cited in the book…yet? So I didn’t find it particularly helpful. I was hoping there would be more discussion about the interplay of school iPads and managing a healthy relationship with tech. The author is clear that iPads in classrooms do not help with learning- it is only a page or two. More could be said about navigating that conversation with schools.

[Melody]

3.5 stars. I love the author's honesty about her own journey, which is reflected in this book in the same way that it is in her movies, Screenagers and Screenagers:Next Chapter. Her suggestions are concrete and clear, and often quite helpful. The book does get a bit redundant, and sometimes reads like a series of blog posts, so it's a bit more like a reference book than something I'd recommend reading straight through. I also think it too often falls on the "too much tech" side of the conversation, but that reveals my own biases.

[Michael · Rating 2 out of 5]

Perhaps this book would have been better had I also seen the movie, but I haven't. The information is good, it just seems repetitive from chapter to chapter. Seems like the same information could have been shared with much fewer pages. I did like the author's use of questions throughout to help generate conversations. Each chapter just started to seem like the one I had just finished. I have to admit, I skimmed the last few chapters instead of reading every page for that reason.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m a parent of two boys 5 years+ before they get their own devices. They watch tv and the oldest can’t get enough video games. We limit their time but they love to push the boundaries. There are some helpful suggestions for them, me, and as parents. I will definitely be reading this again when we get closer to devices.

[Susanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ruston's films have been great conversation pieces for my family - I feel like we get a glimpse into what our next five years might be like as our kids go through the teenage years.

My starting point, as a former elementary school teacher, is that technology does more harm than good, especially as it gets into the hands of younger and younger users. As a former early childhood educator I worked with overwhelmed parents who turn to screens to entertain/distract their children long enough to allow for tasks to be completed. I understand, at a visceral level, the need for peace in a household full of dependent tiny humans. I also know that in doing so, a problem of a different kind is being created. All this to say that I have been militant about not allowing video games to change my children, emotional, behaviorally, brain chemically.

I really appreciate how Ruston approaches technology as neither all bad nor all good. She started her book encouraging her readers to find the positives in technology; how it can enrich our lives and solves problems. My fear of what technology *could* do, to not only my children but their entire generation, has shifted a bit to allow for acknowledging the positives it can also bring.

Which brought me back to my belief about nearly everything in life - there is a balance. Alcohol consumption is neither good or bad, but it can cause problems if abused. It can also have health benefits. Sunburns are painful and can lead to cancer, but limited exposure can allow your skin to develop protection as well as absorb vitamin D. Even sleeping - too much or too little is not good for us, but there's a sweet spot in the middle. I'm now thinking of technology in this light. Existing in a virtual world via VR, online gaming, social media, etc isn't healthy, but it can be relaxing, fun, and informative when balanced with interests and activities in the real world. My kids will always lobby for more online access. I will always lobby for them to go play outside. Meeting in the middle is probably what is going to serve them best in life.