Parenting: A House United: Changing Children's Hearts and Behaviors by Teaching Self-Government

by Nicholeen Peck, Becky Fawson (Illustrator)

Many family fights, communication break downs, relationship disconnections, and overall stress and frustration can be solved if parents and children learn the principles and skills of self-government. This second edition of A House United is the improved version of Nicholeen’s original basic guide for establishing a united self-governing family. Learn the communication skills needed to teach children to govern themselves. With the proper family environment and understanding of childhood behaviors, homes can become happier. Even if families simply implement some of Nicholeen’s tested parenting principles their family unity will improve. Nicholeen’s candid story telling style and experience with tough teens and strong willed toddlers makes the book usable and a joy to read. Read more at

Genres: Parenting, Self Help

370 pages, Paperback

Published June 15, 2020

About the author

Nicholeen Peck is a mother of four and previous foster parent of many. She has been trained and certified in using the “Teaching Family Model”, which was developed at Boys Town and is used by the Utah Youth Village. Nicholeen did foster care for very difficult teens. She taught children with ADHD, OCD, kleptomania, compulsive lying, anger control issues, etc. She said, “I taught behaviors, not medication. They would come to us on many medications and usually leave not on any medications. Many children are misdiagnosed. They just need to learn cause and effect better.” She has been teaching self government skills to people all over the country for 9 years.

from http://teachingselfgovernment.com/

Reviews

[Theresa Newman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read a LOT of parenting books but this one is in a league of its own.

Nicholeen Peck is a stay-at-home mom who has garnered international recognition, especially as one of BBC’s Strictest Parents in the World.

Nicholeen is all about teaching self-government (for parents and children), and this forms the basis for a calm and loving household. I loved hearing her calm, positive-neutral voice shine through the words in her book. She incorporates many principles I’ve already heard before — connection before correction, prepping and pre-teaching, etc. — but with a main, overarching goal of having and maintaining a peaceful family. This family vision and mission is sacred and something that unifies the family. I like that she emphasizes this telos, this end goal. This is the thing that sets her book apart from all the rest: it’s not a book that teaches parents how to modify and control their children’s behavior, it’s about teaching kids and parents to learn and grow together. Perfection. Heaven on earth. When this goal is in sight, everything in the family falls into place.

A common criticism is that Nicholeen is very wordy. I don’t think this is a drawback, as the book is a regular length of a book. I think the wordiness comes across because Nicholeen spells out the verbiage she uses in her household to establish order and peace, words that are helpful to the reader. In this way, I do not view her wordiness as a detriment.

Also, Nicholeen is Mormon/Christian and makes it clear that this is what works for her family. She provides secular instruction for her foster children who are not religious, and I think that is so respectful and thoughtful.

I look forward to implementing some of the structure Nicholeen provides, especially the couple’s meeting, family meeting, and mentor meetings in order to bring calm to chaos and have a family environment primed for thriving. If I could give this more than five stars, I would!

[Elena · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly practical and helpful resource. Her YouTube videos are a great start (that’s how I found out about her) since the book isn’t easy to find in libraries. I ordered it through our inter-library loan service and ended up splurging for a copy because I wouldn’t be able to finish in time. She is incredibly intentional, organized, and focused on the family dynamics and learning self-government. Some of her standards seemed a bit too strict for me (they aligned with her Mormon background), but I still was able to apply a lot. From her discussion about the importance of couples meetings and family meetings, to teaching the four basic skills (disagreeing appropriately, following instructions, accepting consequences, and accepting a no answer), and her “family economy” of using extra chores as a main consequence for not doing those four basic skills, there was a lot of take in, so I took it slow and have been prayerfully implementing small things into our family as I discuss with my husband what works for our family.

[Autumn Klepper · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great resource for parents! The theme is how to learn to be “self-governing” - for parents AND kids - specifically in calmness/self-control. “We cannot teach kids to self-govern their behavior if we aren’t governing our own”. Ouch.

Some of the main skills taught in the book:

1) Teaching kids how to accept a ‘no’ answer (w/out arguing or whining in response)
2) How to get out of power struggles (that you didn't realize you were in!)
3) How to disagree ‘appropriately’
4) How to give effective consequences

The calmness factor was the overarching theme - the cord that ties the book together. If the calmness/self-control factor isn’t there in communication, then it’s all downhill. I think the author demonstrates how powerful it is for relationships when there is deliberate calmness and self-control. She provides many real-life examples on what this looks like between parent/child, siblings and husband/wife.

Nicholeen’s strategies are easy, repetitious, and predictable - which is helpful when you’re reinforcing new habits. This is the kind of book that you underline/highlight and refer back to. As with any methodology, there are some suggestions/ideas that won't be the right fit for every family.

The author’s beliefs are Mormon, and there is a religious undercurrent throughout the book of ‘being good’ vs. looking to Jesus and what (in His goodness) He has already done for me, then sourcing my efforts through His grace alone. The religious tone of the book is 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps'.

For anyone on the fence about reading the book, maybe watch a few of Nicholeen's YouTube videos and go from there. We are already seeing good progress with the new skills we're using.

[Mandy Lehti · Rating 5 out of 5]

Parenting: A House United is one of those rare parenting guides that actually shifts the atmosphere of a home. Rather than offering quick fixes or rigid rules, this book dives into the heart of family dynamics teaching parents how to help their children govern themselves with confidence, clarity, and emotional maturity.

Peck’s storytelling is warm, candid, and refreshingly real. Her experiences with strong willed toddlers and tough teens make every principle feel grounded and attainable. What truly stands out is the book’s focus on communication not just talking, but understanding, connecting, and empowering.

The emphasis on self government gives families a framework that’s both practical and transformative. Parents learn to create a home where peace is possible, unity is achievable, and children feel genuinely capable of directing their own behavior. It’s no surprise this book has resonated so deeply with so many families.

[Kaysie Campbell · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really like a lot of the ideas in this book but some of the bigger ideas didn’t end up working out that great for our family when I tried to institute them. My oldest one, when he found out he was always allowed to disagree appropriately, disagreed for every consequence or thing I asked him to do! Also I felt like the kids/family making their own consequences for things increased the infighting because they would tell on each other for everything and I would have to play referee and everyone would disagree appropriately to what I said. I have started having my kids do chores for disobedience though and I love it.

[Ligia · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5, a reasonable practical book (second part). First part too vision-mission heavy which could have been half the chapters. I found it to be too rigid with lots of meetings between the members of the family, that seem to be unrealistic within a family with lots of kids (I know she is also a foster mother and she had lots of kids at the same time).

On the good side, lots of great advice that our eastern parents would also offer.

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

This parenting style is not for me. I wanted it to be. But we are all neurodivergent and that doesn’t work for my kids or for me. The structure is pretty rigid and intense to me - I know there are a lot of people who love this and I invested money in allll the books and set. Just wasn’t right for us.

[Laney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would recommend this book to LITERALLY ANYONE! It’s a parenting book that focuses first on governing yourself and then governing your children. She lays out a bunch of principles that just feel true to me!

[Savannah Fish · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every parent needs this book!

[Tanya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gave me lots of good ideas and reminders to consider and experiment with in my home!