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GUIDE TO THE EMPTY NEST
You're done . . . but you're not finished! And one more thing. You're not alone. Feeling unsure? Scared? Expectant? Maybe even giddy? Is your nest empty--except for a bundle of mixed emotions? As you grieve what's behind and daydream about possibilities, you'll feel young again, ready for new challenges and adventures. Yet you may not know what to pursue or how to discover what's next. Many women in this season of life wonder: Who am I now? And what should I do? How will my marriage be affected? Does anyone need me? How do I relate to my children? Is it okay to feel sad? Or thrilled? What's next?
Barbara and Susan can be the friends you need to walk you through these new experiences. They'll guide you to answers, and together you'll discover a new purpose and passion for your next life adventure.
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First published April 1, 2008
33 people are currently reading
137 people want to read
About the author
Barbara Rainey
109 books24 followersBarbara Rainey is a wife, mother of six and grandmother of eight, speaker, and best-selling author of Moments Together with You. Barbara and her husband Dennis Rainey founded FamilyLife in Little Rock, Arkansas in 1976. Together they have coauthored 12 books, including Rekindling the Romance, Moments Together for Couples and Starting Your Marriage Right. Barbara is a frequent guest on FamilyLife Today(tm) radio broadcasts.
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
June 16, 2017
With two daughters already graduated from high school, and a third with two years to go, I figure I’m the perfect audience for Barbara and Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest. This book is full of information about the “empty nest” — how to approach feelings about the situation, what to do in various aspects of life once the kids have left home, etc.
Susan Yates and Barbara Rainey are the authors (as I’m sure you picked up from the title — it did strike me as a little odd that they’d feature their names so prominently), and some of my favorite parts of the book were their stories about their own journeys.
Barbara recalls her grandmother telling her how she felt as young inside in her 70s as she had at 30. “But to me she was old, nearly 50 years my senior, and I couldn’t understand how she could feel anything other than old.” Interesting how our perspectives on age — our own and others’ — vary so much throughout our lives.
As Barbara’s kids grew up, she realized that “I had become attached to my role (as a mom). I liked being important in their lives … and now that the kids are gone, I wonder: Am I needed anymore? By anyone?” I think most of us have experienced similar feelings as our kids get older.
Susan shared experiences, too — and it’s kind of strange, given that we share a name, but her thoughts really struck home with me. She mentions visiting her daughter’s nearly-empty closet: “My life was like that closet used to be. So crammed, so full, great diversity, comings and goings, opening and shutting doors, happy voices, phones ringing. And now it’s quiet. Too quiet.”
After a bit of commiserating, the ladies delve into goals we can set for ourselves in “the second half of life.” These were stated positively, and even if some of the circumstances didn’t really apply for me, their peppy attitude was appreciated. Overall, I see this book as one with a lot of wisdom from older women, for younger women. That cross-generational sharing has a lot of value, I think, and it’s something that doesn’t seem to happen a lot today.
If you’re an empty nester — or will be in the near future — I think you’d glean some helpful bits from this book.
Susan Yates and Barbara Rainey are the authors (as I’m sure you picked up from the title — it did strike me as a little odd that they’d feature their names so prominently), and some of my favorite parts of the book were their stories about their own journeys.
Barbara recalls her grandmother telling her how she felt as young inside in her 70s as she had at 30. “But to me she was old, nearly 50 years my senior, and I couldn’t understand how she could feel anything other than old.” Interesting how our perspectives on age — our own and others’ — vary so much throughout our lives.
As Barbara’s kids grew up, she realized that “I had become attached to my role (as a mom). I liked being important in their lives … and now that the kids are gone, I wonder: Am I needed anymore? By anyone?” I think most of us have experienced similar feelings as our kids get older.
Susan shared experiences, too — and it’s kind of strange, given that we share a name, but her thoughts really struck home with me. She mentions visiting her daughter’s nearly-empty closet: “My life was like that closet used to be. So crammed, so full, great diversity, comings and goings, opening and shutting doors, happy voices, phones ringing. And now it’s quiet. Too quiet.”
After a bit of commiserating, the ladies delve into goals we can set for ourselves in “the second half of life.” These were stated positively, and even if some of the circumstances didn’t really apply for me, their peppy attitude was appreciated. Overall, I see this book as one with a lot of wisdom from older women, for younger women. That cross-generational sharing has a lot of value, I think, and it’s something that doesn’t seem to happen a lot today.
If you’re an empty nester — or will be in the near future — I think you’d glean some helpful bits from this book.
November 5, 2012
Even if your nest is not yet empty, this book is a great read. It brings up many things that are helpful to think about as we contemplate starting a new season in our lives when our children leave home. One main point is that the empty nest is a process, not a short event. It encompasses not only the start of the college years, but marriage of children, taking care of aging parents, etc. The authors bring a Christian perspective to the subject, but there is much to take out of the book even if that is not your approach. Taking stock of our talents and what makes us energized is important, as is realizing that the empty nest changes marriage dynamics. There are many questions that can be used to help the reader through the process of approaching this stage of life with thoughtfulness.
May 26, 2017
About the Book:
Although "Mom" is a lifelong role, the job description changes significantly when the kids are grown. At this stage, you may find yourself asking: "Who am I now? How will my marriage be affected? Where am I needed? "With practical advice and biblical guidance, let Barbara and Susan help you redefine your role in life and thrive in this new adventure!
My Review:
The empty nest is no joke! I have been starting to see a shift in my own family with my oldest branching out on her own. It won't be long before all the kids are out of the house. It is lonely road to go down. The "I am no longer needed" pit is usually the pit I find myself in. As I am most of the time. If we aren't careful we could give up on our entire marriage because of the amount of focus we put on the fact that are children have moved out and gown up and have things to do with their lives.
This is where Barbara and Susan come in. Their recently revised and updated book, Barbara and Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest is extremely helpful and informative. These ladies have been down this road and they know it all too well. They can meet us where we are at and we can get through this season with this fantastic read and God's guiding hand.
**Disclosure** This book was sent to me free of charge for my honest review from the author. All opinions are my own.
Although "Mom" is a lifelong role, the job description changes significantly when the kids are grown. At this stage, you may find yourself asking: "Who am I now? How will my marriage be affected? Where am I needed? "With practical advice and biblical guidance, let Barbara and Susan help you redefine your role in life and thrive in this new adventure!
My Review:
The empty nest is no joke! I have been starting to see a shift in my own family with my oldest branching out on her own. It won't be long before all the kids are out of the house. It is lonely road to go down. The "I am no longer needed" pit is usually the pit I find myself in. As I am most of the time. If we aren't careful we could give up on our entire marriage because of the amount of focus we put on the fact that are children have moved out and gown up and have things to do with their lives.
This is where Barbara and Susan come in. Their recently revised and updated book, Barbara and Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest is extremely helpful and informative. These ladies have been down this road and they know it all too well. They can meet us where we are at and we can get through this season with this fantastic read and God's guiding hand.
**Disclosure** This book was sent to me free of charge for my honest review from the author. All opinions are my own.
August 23, 2021
This book is an excellent collection of women's varied stories of moving toward, and through, the empty nest phase of life, with a plethora of solid suggestions to plan for it, deal with issues and thrive. I found the book's focus on relationships (children, friends, in-laws), support of family and friends, self-discovery, marital transitions, and personal networks to be top notch. Barbara and Susan tackle all forms of challenging situations, positive and negative, and I can't imagine someone not finding a few examples that they personally connect with.
So why 3 stars? This book is EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS and in line with what most people would consider far-right Christianity. I had read reviews going into it that mentioned that, so it wasn't unexpected, but sections written about God, beliefs, bible study, faith, spirituality and all forms of activities related to organized Christian religion are prevalent throughout the entire book. Plus the authors have an uncommon 5-6 children each. Disappointment about having gay children is discussed, if that could be a trigger for some readers.
Still, if you are not a religious person and can read the book by scanning over all mentions of that, it has valuable insight and advice on ACTUAL EMPTY NEST RELATED ISSUES. 4.5 stars for empty nest content minus 1.5 stars for the overwhelming religious themes.
So why 3 stars? This book is EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS and in line with what most people would consider far-right Christianity. I had read reviews going into it that mentioned that, so it wasn't unexpected, but sections written about God, beliefs, bible study, faith, spirituality and all forms of activities related to organized Christian religion are prevalent throughout the entire book. Plus the authors have an uncommon 5-6 children each. Disappointment about having gay children is discussed, if that could be a trigger for some readers.
Still, if you are not a religious person and can read the book by scanning over all mentions of that, it has valuable insight and advice on ACTUAL EMPTY NEST RELATED ISSUES. 4.5 stars for empty nest content minus 1.5 stars for the overwhelming religious themes.
June 30, 2017
As a mom who has grown children, this book was something I really wanted to read. I think all moms have a hard time when their children grow up and leave but as a homeschool mom, this was especially difficult as everything I did was about my children. This book was something I really needed to read.
This book reminded me that my life is not over - in fact, it's the start of a new beginning. If we focus on our relationship with God, we can allow Him to lead us into the next chapter of our lives. I can be happy that my children are thriving well and take pride in the fact that I launched them into their new lives well.
I especially loved the personal stories that Susan and Barbara brought to this book. So many of the stories resonated with me and I was very inspired and encouraged by them. I like that they encourage us to set goals for ourselves and to do some of those things that we have always dreamed of doing.
My take away that inspired me the most from this book, is to find a purpose and do things I enjoy doing. It's a great book that helped me over-come a lot of the sadness and floundering I had been feeling. I highly recommend this book and give it 5 out of 5 stars.
*This book was provided to me for my honest review by Bethany House Publishers
This book reminded me that my life is not over - in fact, it's the start of a new beginning. If we focus on our relationship with God, we can allow Him to lead us into the next chapter of our lives. I can be happy that my children are thriving well and take pride in the fact that I launched them into their new lives well.
I especially loved the personal stories that Susan and Barbara brought to this book. So many of the stories resonated with me and I was very inspired and encouraged by them. I like that they encourage us to set goals for ourselves and to do some of those things that we have always dreamed of doing.
My take away that inspired me the most from this book, is to find a purpose and do things I enjoy doing. It's a great book that helped me over-come a lot of the sadness and floundering I had been feeling. I highly recommend this book and give it 5 out of 5 stars.
*This book was provided to me for my honest review by Bethany House Publishers
August 15, 2017
This book acknowledges the very real pain and loss moms can feel when their children grow up and leave home. That's the goal we all have as parents - to raise our children to be responsible adults - but when it happens we are left with a lot of mixed emotions and perhaps a sense that we're not sure what our purpose is any more. By being honest and open about that mixed bag, and especially the negative emotions in it, the authors give practical and Biblical advice on dealing with loneliness and disappointments, building up your marriage in this new season, relating well with your adult kids, and rediscovering your identity and purpose. Both authors share personal stories of their own experiences throughout, and there are lots of other short stories of other parents' experiences and how they coped. There's a study and discussion guide at the end for those who would like to read and discuss the book within a group.The overall focus is positive and empowering, encouraging moms to celebrate this new season in their lives and embrace the new possibilities, adventures, and ministry opportunities that come with it.
*I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest review. I was not required to give a positive review, nor was I compensated in any other way.*
*I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest review. I was not required to give a positive review, nor was I compensated in any other way.*
October 12, 2019
The first 8 chapters of this book seem to be written for the mothers who are filled with grief, loneliness, despair, and uncontrollable crying jags when their nest empties. Since I didn't experience any of those feelings when my youngest went to college a few months ago, most of those chapters didn't apply to me. I honestly would have stopped reading the book after only a chapter or two, except a friend had highly recommended it to me. Chapters 9 and 10 had a few okay ideas, although some - such as taking a year off of work and other activities to rest at the beginning of this new stage of life - were utterly impractical for most modern women. Not to mention that the party/book club ideas to celebrate the empty nest with other empty nesters sounded like absolute torture to an introvert like me who has no desire to share my inner thoughts with women I don't know!
The final 2 chapters had some good ideas for discovering your new purpose and using that purpose to change the world, even in some small way. So at least I don't feel like this book purchase was a complete waste of money...
The final 2 chapters had some good ideas for discovering your new purpose and using that purpose to change the world, even in some small way. So at least I don't feel like this book purchase was a complete waste of money...
June 26, 2017
This book is a must read for anyone approaching or in the middle of becoming an empty nester! We are about 6 years away ourselves baring any returning children. Barbara and Susan have not only done their research on making the transition but they have lived it themselves and interviewed a lot of other women for this book. Their goal is to give us the tools we need to make a smoother transition and to realize that we are not alone nor are we done once the kids leave. It is a jumping off place for us to start a new phase of life. They give us lots of ways to find our next mission once the children are grown and ways to renew our marriages once we are just two again. It is a brilliant read! Just get it! LOL
July 2, 2017
Barbara and Susan help empty-nest women redefine the "mom" role. I thought they did a good job looking at the empty nest stage through a variety of circumstances. They include their own experiences and they draw on the stories of other women who have moved beyond the high school years. It's coming and I can see some good things and some sad things. Having just moved our oldest into his own apartment for his first real job, I thought it was time to tackle this topic.
I greatly enjoyed the insight. I felt that enough of the experiences they portrayed were close to my own. I found a "fit" in several of their topics. Thanks to Bethany House Publishers for providing me an ARC for a review in my own words.
I greatly enjoyed the insight. I felt that enough of the experiences they portrayed were close to my own. I found a "fit" in several of their topics. Thanks to Bethany House Publishers for providing me an ARC for a review in my own words.
May 19, 2017
Discovering New Purpose, Passion, & Your Next Great Adventure
This book was amazing with challenging and compelling to read. The story from all this journey are very encourage me and giving me to learn more and know more, what is mean to be a woman, mother, a parent, a daughter, a friend, or as a wife. If you follow and discovery to the end of story you it can making you laugh and cry with the joy of love that the author had been passing the secrets that will helping us through those dreaded years. I highly recommend to everyone must to read this book. " I received this book free from Bethany House Blogger Review Program for this review "
This book was amazing with challenging and compelling to read. The story from all this journey are very encourage me and giving me to learn more and know more, what is mean to be a woman, mother, a parent, a daughter, a friend, or as a wife. If you follow and discovery to the end of story you it can making you laugh and cry with the joy of love that the author had been passing the secrets that will helping us through those dreaded years. I highly recommend to everyone must to read this book. " I received this book free from Bethany House Blogger Review Program for this review "
July 31, 2021
Besides the lengthy title, I valued the comprehensive way Barbara and Susan address the empty nest season. Their insights echo some of my own experiences as I navigate the anticipated empty nest transition. The book focuses on the different areas of life this season will impact, including symbolic loss, dealing with disappointments, the shift in the marriage relationship, and finding new purpose and support. It includes practical tools and guidance for women facing the transitioning parenting role from a Christian perspective. Highly recommended to any parent approaching the empty nest who are struggling with the shift during this challenging but exciting life season.
May 25, 2017
A help for mother’s, Authors Rainey & Yates address the very real empty nest syndrome. Knowing that others feel as you do, you’ll be refreshed by this book.
Be encouraged by the truths shared, and the stories of how other women adjusted to this time in life. A practical book, you’ll want to get comfy, pour a cup of coffee, and see what others just like you did to move to the next phase in life. An exciting phase!
I received a complimentary copy of this book but was not required to leave a positive review.
Be encouraged by the truths shared, and the stories of how other women adjusted to this time in life. A practical book, you’ll want to get comfy, pour a cup of coffee, and see what others just like you did to move to the next phase in life. An exciting phase!
I received a complimentary copy of this book but was not required to leave a positive review.
June 24, 2017
My oldest daughter will graduate college next year and my son will be graduating high school in 2 years so this book was a perfect read for me. Being a mom is a lifelong role that never truly goes away, but it's also an ever changing role. Similar to when your infant graduates from infant to a teen. Yes the years go very fast. This book gives guidance and biblical assistance for the new adventure a parent finds themselves on when their child or children leave home. I needed this as to most parents.
June 27, 2020
We don't have an empty nest yet. One son begins college this fall and the other will be a high school junior. I want to transition into this next season with some preparation. A friend loaned me this book. It is authored by two women plus many other women's stories are included. The book seems very thorough in handling multiple issues. I enjoyed it!
September 12, 2017
Some insight for Christian mothers and the empty nest feelings.
August 13, 2018
Practical and encouraging.
June 19, 2021
Highly recommend this book! I borrowed it from the library, but I will be purchasing my own copy and rereading it again! Very practical advice
September 3, 2023
Worth reading if you are an empty nester and feeling a little lost. I gleaned some good ideas and tips.
May 29, 2019
Great book for my season of life and one I will go to again as I transition more into this adventure. I loved this quote "The empty-nest season is much like Jell-O, hard to grab hold of and constantly changing shape. There’s no mold that we can pass on to others, no consistency. The empty nest affects us each differently, but there is comfort through friends who can reassure us that we are normal and who can remind us of a God who does have a plan." They wisely encouraged you to go to God's word for peace and comfort and reminders that He can relate and understands all of it. They had really great examples, reflection questions, tips and ways to grow thru this season. I liked their idea of having an empty nest connect group for other moms and supporting each other.
July 3, 2008
When my first daughter moved out after high school, I was devastated. I walked around like I had a piano tied to my butt and I cried for hours every time she’d visit. This continued until she moved back in, with boyfriend in tow. When they finally moved out, I was more than ready to let them go. Now my other kids are readying to leave the nest, all at once it would seem. I hate to admit it but I feel elated. I can’t wait for quiet dinners with my husband, a house that stays clean, and the ability to spend more time on my writing.
I picked up Barbara & Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest because I didn’t want to be a basket case again when the exodus finally does occur. My attitude seems different this time but I was a little worried that I was in denial. I was also feeling rather guilty about being happy to have the freedom of a quieter life.
I would highly suggest Barbara & Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest to any parent with older children. The authors have been through the process themselves and know that we all react in our own unique ways. I guess really we all grieve and move on at different speeds and with various with stops and starts. Sometimes, it just isn’t pretty and we don’t all react the way others would expect. It’s good to know that we aren’t alone.
I picked up Barbara & Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest because I didn’t want to be a basket case again when the exodus finally does occur. My attitude seems different this time but I was a little worried that I was in denial. I was also feeling rather guilty about being happy to have the freedom of a quieter life.
I would highly suggest Barbara & Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest to any parent with older children. The authors have been through the process themselves and know that we all react in our own unique ways. I guess really we all grieve and move on at different speeds and with various with stops and starts. Sometimes, it just isn’t pretty and we don’t all react the way others would expect. It’s good to know that we aren’t alone.
July 23, 2009
I have four more years before I reach the empty nest stage but I have been thinking about what I might do when the empty nest time arrives. This book was very interesting due to the personal stories from different women who have satisfied their longing for something to fill their time by following very different paths.
The book covers different challenges you might face at these times such as aging parents or the death of parents, serious unexpected illness, letting go of a child you have been very involved with, staying in touch with a child with whom your relationship has been strained.
The authors encourage you to develop a personal mission statement to use to make decisions about what to do next...there are lots of good things to do but which one fits with your values and goals? There are extensive recommended resources that appear at the end of each chapter and helpful appendices. When I finished the book I didn't immediately know what to do next; the authors themselves point out that this transition is a process.
The book covers different challenges you might face at these times such as aging parents or the death of parents, serious unexpected illness, letting go of a child you have been very involved with, staying in touch with a child with whom your relationship has been strained.
The authors encourage you to develop a personal mission statement to use to make decisions about what to do next...there are lots of good things to do but which one fits with your values and goals? There are extensive recommended resources that appear at the end of each chapter and helpful appendices. When I finished the book I didn't immediately know what to do next; the authors themselves point out that this transition is a process.
March 3, 2012
It gave me a whole new perspective on the impending empty nest. While there are parts that get way too religious for me, there were some good nuggets that have really stayed with me and have truly changed me from completely dreading the empty nest to being ready to embrace some of the new changes it will bring. You can literally read this book in one day. Thanks to Kassie for passing it on to me; Diane W. has it now; all of us soon-to-be-empty nesters will get a lot out of it!
January 9, 2015
Technically I just finished this book today even though my status said I also started it today. Not really any amazing revelations from the book but as I read it it was incredibly comforting to know that I have been handling my own 'empty nest' season well.
Would definitely recommend it to others.
Would definitely recommend it to others.
Want to read
December 21, 2008Susan's books have always been a help to me!
August 3, 2012
Good book for Christian women on moving forward with intention
April 19, 2015
An excellent book for empty nesters, with input from the authors and many others who have had many different experiences.
March 17, 2014
This book was wonderful to read. it really hepled me work through having an "empty nest" and moving on to what God had in store for me.
February 8, 2016
Feel like I could have written it.
February 23, 2013
Loved this book and helped me gain a new perspective on my new purpose and adventure
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews