Have you ever fallen in love with a story and it’s characters so much you kind of want to keep living inside it and hope the book never ends?
That was me with Cordelia Strube’s Misconduct of the Heart. She’s a very accomplished Canadian author I have never read before but cannot wait time read more of. I started this one almost by chance the same day I was offered an eGalley from the publisher ECW Press. I didn’t know a lot about what I was getting into and honestly, if I describe this one to you, I’m afraid it doesn’t begin to do the book justice or makes it sound like a difficult read. It is gritty and raw but damn, do I ever love these broken, flawed characters.
Stevie is the kitchen manager at a low end suburban Toronto chain restaurunt called Chappy’s with a chaotic and ragtag crew of colorful characters. From the start, it was obvious to me that Strube is amazing at characterization. Each of the many restaurunt workers- Jesús who is hospitalized after a cooking accident, Wade the evolutionary biology major who is always spouting animal facts, the gorgeous and sweet Slovakian busboy Gyorgi, the loopy gay general manager Bob who goes on a weird new age self improvement bender and leaves sticky notes with misspelled proverbs and encouragements due to his dyslexia, and so many more. It wasn’t at all hard to keep track of who was who, despite their being more side characters than I’m used to seeing and they all had so much... character. Half the book takes place here and as much as Stevie claims to not form connections- staying she has trouble with the words trust and love- she may not have the words but you can feel her love for her coworkers even though she may not always like them.
When she’s not working she’s looking after both her parents who each are declining rapidly with dementia, and her adult son, who had served in the Canadian military in Afghanistan and returned a haunted shell. Stevie has never been close to her son. He was conceived when she was still in high school, the product of a gang rape and she has never told anyone about it, instead slipping away into alcoholism. At the time of the book she’s been sober for over 4 years but she’s still haunted. And she looks at her son, the private war that never ends behind his eyelids, and she relates. In some ways she is closer now to him than she ever has been but they each kind of exist, together but apart in their own respective miseries. Then when a little girl is left at Stevie’s parents house things start to change...
This book. It’s heavy in some ways but in a weird way I found that heaviness almost comforting. Everyone in it is broken in their own unique but very human way and reading it made me feel maybe a less broken or perhaps in relatable company. I don’t know how else to explain it. I would maybe caution readers who have military or rape related PTSD to approach this one with caution but it’s worth saying the trauma, while remembered and discussed, is all in the past. I’ve read worse in thrillers and true crime novels in terms of sheer brutality but what stood out to me is how often rape is used as drama in books and movies and then almost forgotten about. This is a book about how we live with trauma, even twenty years on. There’s some really fascinating discussions and thoughts on trauma, war, rape. As a survivor, one who’s about as healed as I imagine I can be (which is of course to say, it never really goes away but it’s easier now to deal with than I ever thought it would be. Of course my rape related trauma has also largely been replaced by medical trauma so there’s also that...), I liked the way this book made me think. As I said, in some ways it made me feel better about myself and a little less broken. I’ve been just as fucked up as Stevie, as her son, as so many of these characters, but I’m not there now. And with that in mind too, I could also relate and found a sense of comfort in all these broken, raw people. Stevie’s stand-offishness and inability to get close to others, while still somehow managing to be this genuinely decent caring person... I guess I could see some of myself in her, could relate to her thoughts and fears and her resigned attitude towards being alone. Except she’s not as alone as she thinks she is.
Clearly Stevie overcame her drinking even before this book began which robes she is capable of moving forward and she makes progress in this book, that kind of true meaningful progress that sneaks up, surprises her, and is more than she ever thought herself capable of. But I want to be clear this is no fairy tale. Stevie, her son, everyone is still broken and raw at the end of this one. But they’ve also grown. I loved this because it read so real. And I loved Stevie so much, the little girl, Gyorgi the busboy, and some of the others, that I want to linger in their world for awhile. They feel like friends or kindred spirits. It’s not an easy book in so many ways, but for me, anyway, it was relatable, and real. It’s one I won’t be forgetting and am so grateful to have read. Seriously, just an all around fantastic read. Everything about it.