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An Impossible Marriage: What Our Mixed-Orientation Marriage Has Taught Us About Love and the Gospel
"People say our marriage is impossible." Laurie and Matt Krieg are in a mixed-orientation a marriage in which at least one partner's primary attraction isn't toward the gender of their spouse. In the Kriegs' case, Laurie is primarily attracted to women―and so is Matt. Some find the idea of mixed-orientation marriage bewildering or even offensive. But as the Kriegs have learned, nothing is impossible with God―and that's as true of their marriage as anyone else's. In An Impossible Marriage , the Kriegs tell their how they met and got married, the challenges and breakthroughs of their journey, and what they've learned about marriage along the way. Christianity teaches us that marriage is a picture of Jesus’ love for the church―and that's just as true in a mixed-orientation marriage as in a straight one. With vulnerability and wisdom, this book lays out an engaging picture of marriage in all its pain and beauty. It's a picture that points us, over and over again, to the love and grace of Jesus―as marriage was always meant to do.
224 pages, Paperback
Published October 27, 2020
59 people are currently reading
1016 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 163 reviews
August 22, 2020
I'm biased, but...this is my heart in book form. <3
October 6, 2020
Also biased... but every time I have read through it there are 3 or 4 places where I cry. An incredible amount of time and effort went into the writing of the book as well as the life experiences that it was born out of. I am so proud of how it turned out.
January 29, 2026
Brave story. Solid theology. This book is for anyone looking for words that explain the damage that comes from idolizing romance, marriage, and sex.
This courageous couple tells their story and unpacks God's design for oneness with Him, our ultimate life purpose. They speak of the harm when people look to people instead of through people to find fulfillment. They name the gritty reality of what happens when people take in pebbles and toilet water instead of flowing, living water from Jesus.
They modelled the fight against toxic shame by moving away from isolation and toward people who walked with them in their search for wholeness and discipleship. I don't know why the story made me cry in multiple places but it was so beautiful and rich to see the parallels between marriage and discipleship, between child bearing and spiritual fruit bearing, between the impossibility of God and man uniting and man and woman becoming one despite their vast differences.
The audio version was wonderful in their own voices. They traded off in each chapter as each told their story. Laurie especially reads with great emotion and inflection. I already ordered my hard copy because there are so many lines to go back to and share with others.
This courageous couple tells their story and unpacks God's design for oneness with Him, our ultimate life purpose. They speak of the harm when people look to people instead of through people to find fulfillment. They name the gritty reality of what happens when people take in pebbles and toilet water instead of flowing, living water from Jesus.
They modelled the fight against toxic shame by moving away from isolation and toward people who walked with them in their search for wholeness and discipleship. I don't know why the story made me cry in multiple places but it was so beautiful and rich to see the parallels between marriage and discipleship, between child bearing and spiritual fruit bearing, between the impossibility of God and man uniting and man and woman becoming one despite their vast differences.
The audio version was wonderful in their own voices. They traded off in each chapter as each told their story. Laurie especially reads with great emotion and inflection. I already ordered my hard copy because there are so many lines to go back to and share with others.
February 12, 2021
How necessary it is to get into the nittiest gritty with God. It’s in the honesty of that place where we’re fully revealed and fully spent, but fully and newly made alive in Christ. I had no idea how much impact this book would have on me. A must read.
January 28, 2026
Matt and Laurie testify to brutally hard days, to a committent to Christ that keeps them moving forward, and to a oneness with Christ that is ultimately the sole purpose of each individual.
June 30, 2023
I have recently been on a quest to understand more about SSA and the perspective of those who experience it, which is why this book caught my eye. However, it turned out to be a book primarily focused on marriage but full of some of the most fascinating perspectives and insights. The main thesis of the book is that the “impossibility” of oneness between two disparate people is a representation of the seeming impossibility of oneness between God and man. The book explores the metaphor and reality of married life, even in the reality of broken sexuality and trauma scars, and two people’s journey to oneness. If you must read a book on marriage, read this one.
December 30, 2020
Despite the title, this is not just about marriage. This is a book that demonstrates the glory of God in a beautiful way. Convicting and delightful, heart wrenching and joyful, this book is definitely needed in this day and age. I saw so much of myself in both Laurie and Matt. Same sex attraction, prior pornography addiction, trauma. I’m sure that the Lord brought these two humans together to trumpet his glory on earth with great majesty. So wonderful to read of their story and to know that not everything is fixed, but that Jesus is their redeemer and upon win they stand!
December 3, 2020
this is it. this is the first time in a long time I have wept from reading a book.
October 27, 2020
“An Impossible Marriage” by Laurie and Matt Krieg took me on a whirlwind ride that engaged every part of me: mind, body, and spirit. As a same-sex attracted, single woman, I was apprehensive about “seeing behind the curtain” of the Kriegs’ story. Would their wisdom would be served with a side dish of condescension? Or, even worse, condemnation?
Beginning with a look at some of the most painful and pivotal moments in their marriage, Laurie & Matt start by unpacking how they arrived at those places, and then share the growth and healing they have experienced on the other side of those landmark life events. Written as a parallel narrative, the trajectory of their lives displays individual pain, discouragement, giftings, longings, and dreams. As the story progresses, their lives which are beautifully intertwined into a joint life of…more of the same.
However, that “more of the same” joint-life becomes radically transformed when their focus shifts from making their struggling marriage “the best marriage” it can be, to surrendering their marriage to God in such a way that it becomes “the best reflection of God’s desire for oneness with the Church” that it can be. This “metaphor” concept is woven throughout the text as a beautiful descriptor of everything it means to be connected to God, receive His love and life-sustaining power, pour out that selfless love on your spouse (or other believers, if you are unmarried), and jointly display that same love to a hungry and hurting world.
At the conclusion of my reading, I realized that the goal for a same-sex attracted believer isn’t heterosexual attraction! It is neither a repression of, nor a capitulation to my desires as if my desires were all there is to life. No, the goal – the sole focus of marriage, and indeed of life, itself – is oneness with God, and with the Church, to such a degree that that oneness shines brightly for all the world to see. It’s saying, “yes!” to God, trusting Him to show you the next step and remove your shame from you, even as He helps you take that step in His perfect timing. I would highly recommend the Kriegs’ book for a deeply reflective, challenging, encouraging, loving, overwhelming, uplifting, soul-stirring, soul-strengthening journey.
Fasten your seatbelt, and enjoy the ride!
Beginning with a look at some of the most painful and pivotal moments in their marriage, Laurie & Matt start by unpacking how they arrived at those places, and then share the growth and healing they have experienced on the other side of those landmark life events. Written as a parallel narrative, the trajectory of their lives displays individual pain, discouragement, giftings, longings, and dreams. As the story progresses, their lives which are beautifully intertwined into a joint life of…more of the same.
However, that “more of the same” joint-life becomes radically transformed when their focus shifts from making their struggling marriage “the best marriage” it can be, to surrendering their marriage to God in such a way that it becomes “the best reflection of God’s desire for oneness with the Church” that it can be. This “metaphor” concept is woven throughout the text as a beautiful descriptor of everything it means to be connected to God, receive His love and life-sustaining power, pour out that selfless love on your spouse (or other believers, if you are unmarried), and jointly display that same love to a hungry and hurting world.
At the conclusion of my reading, I realized that the goal for a same-sex attracted believer isn’t heterosexual attraction! It is neither a repression of, nor a capitulation to my desires as if my desires were all there is to life. No, the goal – the sole focus of marriage, and indeed of life, itself – is oneness with God, and with the Church, to such a degree that that oneness shines brightly for all the world to see. It’s saying, “yes!” to God, trusting Him to show you the next step and remove your shame from you, even as He helps you take that step in His perfect timing. I would highly recommend the Kriegs’ book for a deeply reflective, challenging, encouraging, loving, overwhelming, uplifting, soul-stirring, soul-strengthening journey.
Fasten your seatbelt, and enjoy the ride!
October 3, 2020
I have listened to Matt and Laurie’s podcast for a couple of years. I was ecstatic when I found out they were writing this book. I got to read an advanced copy, as part of the launch team. It was more than I could have hoped for.
It is not your typical “how to fix your marriage” book. It’s actually more about getting rid of idols in our lives and putting God first. And that is taught in the back drop of marriage, their marriage. They are shockingly vulnerable. This allows your own heart to be touched and receptive to the eternal biblical truths they share. Whether single or married, this book will help you walk with God and have better relationships with the people in your life. I am already re-reading it.
Oh, and keep tissues close by. There will be tears.
It is not your typical “how to fix your marriage” book. It’s actually more about getting rid of idols in our lives and putting God first. And that is taught in the back drop of marriage, their marriage. They are shockingly vulnerable. This allows your own heart to be touched and receptive to the eternal biblical truths they share. Whether single or married, this book will help you walk with God and have better relationships with the people in your life. I am already re-reading it.
Oh, and keep tissues close by. There will be tears.
October 20, 2020
All marriages are impossible. Impossible without a loving and merciful God. This book is full of hope. Written by two people willing to bear their souls in order to put the Gospel of Jesus Christ on display.
This book is not screwing around depending on where you are at with LGBTQ+ Sistahs and Brothahs you may want to throw this book across the room. In other words the book solicits a response or at the very lease a reaction - let the book fly but then pick it up again because you are not going to want to put it down.
This book is not screwing around depending on where you are at with LGBTQ+ Sistahs and Brothahs you may want to throw this book across the room. In other words the book solicits a response or at the very lease a reaction - let the book fly but then pick it up again because you are not going to want to put it down.
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August 16, 2025I wanted to read this book out of curiosity about mixed-orientation marriages - that is, heterosexual partnerships in which one spouse is oriented towards their own sex. In fact, the title of the book is possibly a little misleading. The book is primarily not about the "mixed-orientation" part of marriage - it's far more about finding healing from trauma and porn addiction, battling past a mindset that sees sex as an end in itself or an entitlement, and coming to experience it as part of a full-orbed spiritual "oneness" between humans and Christ.
As such, and despite some idiosyncracies that had me laughing a bit (the Kriegs are very much of their time and culture), I was surprised to find this one of the most helpful and challenging books I've read in a while. As a single, heterosexual, relatively unscarred person, I didn't expect the book to hit home for me the way that it did. But, just like the Biblical imagery of marriage, sex, relationship, oneness, and fellowship that it faithfully represents, this book spoke to me on a multitude of levels. After all, all Christians are called to live in oneness with God and his church, and marriage is just another expression of that overarching oneness.
I put off listening to this book for a while because I was a bit dubious, to be honest. US Christianity has not had a great track record in the past decade, to say the least. However, I found this book to be deeply refreshing in the current climate. The Kriegs do not engage in culture-wars mudslinging or finger-wagging scolding. Instead, they focus on sharing their experience. For example, they don't engage in criticism of ways the church has historically mistreated and demeaned women; they're just open about Laurie's struggle with anger towards men. I really appreciated this as it acknowledged the issues without hashing through them. For the most part, the book checked out theologically, too. One of the most formative books of the past 12 months for me has been Aimee Byrd's THE SEXUAL REFORMATION, and this book was a brilliant chaser to that, as it shows two deeply flawed people figuring out what that looks like in practice.
I did have one small criticism of the book, and that has to do with the way that it discusses the role of suffering in the Christian life - or, more precisely, how it fails to provide a robust theology of healing to go along with its robust theology of suffering. This is not to say that the book lacks a picture of healing; it very much does. (Although I do recommend going into the book knowing that they do ultimately find a lot of healing and manage to have a third child together; you'll probably need to know that). What I missed was a theology of hope and healing; that in addition to suffering with Christ, we also reign with him; that not all sufferings are a perpetual thorn in the flesh; that humanity is continually growing individually and corporately into greater knowledge of God and conformity to his will. This is a common blind spot, perhaps in reaction to the equally unBiblical prosperity gospel and perhaps as a result of amillennial eschatology. But, given what else this book gets right, and how many huge and thorny topics it tackles with so much grace, I can give it a pass on this.
The book begins with some trigger warnings, but the casual reader may like to be advised that the book deals pretty frankly with childhood sexual abuse and suicidal ideation as well as other things already touched on in this review.
As such, and despite some idiosyncracies that had me laughing a bit (the Kriegs are very much of their time and culture), I was surprised to find this one of the most helpful and challenging books I've read in a while. As a single, heterosexual, relatively unscarred person, I didn't expect the book to hit home for me the way that it did. But, just like the Biblical imagery of marriage, sex, relationship, oneness, and fellowship that it faithfully represents, this book spoke to me on a multitude of levels. After all, all Christians are called to live in oneness with God and his church, and marriage is just another expression of that overarching oneness.
I put off listening to this book for a while because I was a bit dubious, to be honest. US Christianity has not had a great track record in the past decade, to say the least. However, I found this book to be deeply refreshing in the current climate. The Kriegs do not engage in culture-wars mudslinging or finger-wagging scolding. Instead, they focus on sharing their experience. For example, they don't engage in criticism of ways the church has historically mistreated and demeaned women; they're just open about Laurie's struggle with anger towards men. I really appreciated this as it acknowledged the issues without hashing through them. For the most part, the book checked out theologically, too. One of the most formative books of the past 12 months for me has been Aimee Byrd's THE SEXUAL REFORMATION, and this book was a brilliant chaser to that, as it shows two deeply flawed people figuring out what that looks like in practice.
I did have one small criticism of the book, and that has to do with the way that it discusses the role of suffering in the Christian life - or, more precisely, how it fails to provide a robust theology of healing to go along with its robust theology of suffering. This is not to say that the book lacks a picture of healing; it very much does. (Although I do recommend going into the book knowing that they do ultimately find a lot of healing and manage to have a third child together; you'll probably need to know that). What I missed was a theology of hope and healing; that in addition to suffering with Christ, we also reign with him; that not all sufferings are a perpetual thorn in the flesh; that humanity is continually growing individually and corporately into greater knowledge of God and conformity to his will. This is a common blind spot, perhaps in reaction to the equally unBiblical prosperity gospel and perhaps as a result of amillennial eschatology. But, given what else this book gets right, and how many huge and thorny topics it tackles with so much grace, I can give it a pass on this.
The book begins with some trigger warnings, but the casual reader may like to be advised that the book deals pretty frankly with childhood sexual abuse and suicidal ideation as well as other things already touched on in this review.
February 4, 2021
A beautiful and authentic story of two people wrestling with deep suffering while clinging to Jesus. This book is a model of vulnerability at its best—an intentional and costly sharing of weakness to point to God’s sufficiency.
A couple disclaimers—Matt and Laurie both frequently share personal words from God to them (that aren’t from the Bible) with a level of confidence that I’m not comfortable with, although they do communicate the primacy of knowing God from the Bible.
This is much more personal preference, but the parts of the book that slipped into marriage advice/counseling felt a little out of place to me. I wish the book would have stayed a little more focused on Laurie’s and Matt’s compelling telling of their own stories. I also just somehow found the “core needs” and “seven gardens” language a little off-putting.
That being said, this is still a book that’s well worth the time to read it!
A couple disclaimers—Matt and Laurie both frequently share personal words from God to them (that aren’t from the Bible) with a level of confidence that I’m not comfortable with, although they do communicate the primacy of knowing God from the Bible.
This is much more personal preference, but the parts of the book that slipped into marriage advice/counseling felt a little out of place to me. I wish the book would have stayed a little more focused on Laurie’s and Matt’s compelling telling of their own stories. I also just somehow found the “core needs” and “seven gardens” language a little off-putting.
That being said, this is still a book that’s well worth the time to read it!
June 9, 2022
Feeling blown away right now. I know the term “life-changing” is overused, but this book really was life-changing. A must read for married, singles, those with same-sex attraction, and non-Christians. This one is probably competing for the top of my marriage book list now!
April 23, 2023
love the authenticity. love the Gospel focus.
July 8, 2021
Summary: Matt and Laurie Krieg are in a mixed orientation marriage and narrate both the challenges they have faced and what they have learned about God and love as they remained together.
Matt Krieg is attracted to women. And so is Laurie Krieg. They are married to each other. And it hasn’t been easy. Most would consider it impossible. They should just divorce and marry according to their orientations. At one point, they were very close to doing so.
Why did they marry in the first place? Laurie had been in a relationship with a woman when she met Matt. She broke off with the woman, dated Matt for a year and then broke off the relationship. As a follower of Christ, she was willing to be single, “married to Jesus,” as it were. She was still attracted to women. She was committed to a life of ministry. God told her he wanted her to do so as a married woman. To a man. Then Matt came back into the picture. She was honest about her attractions but also her desire to marry Matt.
It seemed that all would be OK. They even weathered Matt’s revelation of his pornography addiction. Then, the birth of Laurie’s second child triggered memories of child sexual abuse and she couldn’t even stand being in the same room as Matt, let alone being touched by him. Sex was off the table. Most of this book is about how Matt and Laurie worked through this seemingly impossible situation and how God met them. Most of the book goes back and forth between Matt and Laurie, and how each of them were processing the relationship.
It was not all about Laurie. Matt had to face how sex was still an idol in his life, not a gift. He came to terms with the “sex as currency” dysfunction of their marriage (I do the dishes so that you will want to have sex). And he recognized the need for affirmation that sex represented, affirmation he didn’t look to God to receive.
For Laurie, a personal retreat brought her to the brink of leaving, and the realization that to do so for her would be to silence the Holy Spirit’s presence in her life. She did not want that. She chose trusting and following Jesus, and returned home. It was only a beginning. She was still triggered often in his presence. She didn’t want to be together. Then she began to wrestle with the meaning of oneness in marriage as a tangible picture of our oneness with God. She began to take half steps toward Matt. Matt let her set the pace. There were breakthroughs of insight, and a slow steady process of becoming friends, holding hands, and going to war in prayer against the memories of abuse.
It is a powerful story of how God made the impossible possible for this couple. This is not a book meant to be weaponized in the polemics around LGBTQ+ issues. While the authors believe that marriage is meant to be between a man and a woman, they recognize others differ. The book is really for all married couples (and singles as well, according to the authors). Underlying Jesus teaching about marriage and divorce (Matthew 19:1-12) is the reality that marriage is hard, because it lays bare the hardness of the human heart. All hearts. It might be said that all marriages are “impossible” marriages, yet under God, the impossible is used to form us in understanding the love of God and the oneness with Him into which he invites us.
The element of trauma also makes this an important book for those who have experienced trauma as well as those who love them. Laurie makes the point that her sexual attraction and the abuse in her life are separate, and many who experience sexual abuse are heterosexually oriented. What Matt learns about loving Laurie, and the steps Laurie takes to love Matt while they are still struggling offer an example that might be helpful for others
The authors suggest that marriage involves cultivating seven “gardens”: emotional, spiritual, physical, intellectual, social, family, and stewardship. Connection in all of these is important and neglecting one area affects the others. The book includes a study guide couples can use, or even couples groups where there is trust. The book underscores the importance of having others with whom we can be vulnerable.
This is a powerful and honest narrative. Despite the unique circumstances of their marriage, I recognized the challenges all of us face in marriage, and the hope offered for those who trust in Christ that what seems impossible for us at times is possible in Christ.
____________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
Matt Krieg is attracted to women. And so is Laurie Krieg. They are married to each other. And it hasn’t been easy. Most would consider it impossible. They should just divorce and marry according to their orientations. At one point, they were very close to doing so.
Why did they marry in the first place? Laurie had been in a relationship with a woman when she met Matt. She broke off with the woman, dated Matt for a year and then broke off the relationship. As a follower of Christ, she was willing to be single, “married to Jesus,” as it were. She was still attracted to women. She was committed to a life of ministry. God told her he wanted her to do so as a married woman. To a man. Then Matt came back into the picture. She was honest about her attractions but also her desire to marry Matt.
It seemed that all would be OK. They even weathered Matt’s revelation of his pornography addiction. Then, the birth of Laurie’s second child triggered memories of child sexual abuse and she couldn’t even stand being in the same room as Matt, let alone being touched by him. Sex was off the table. Most of this book is about how Matt and Laurie worked through this seemingly impossible situation and how God met them. Most of the book goes back and forth between Matt and Laurie, and how each of them were processing the relationship.
It was not all about Laurie. Matt had to face how sex was still an idol in his life, not a gift. He came to terms with the “sex as currency” dysfunction of their marriage (I do the dishes so that you will want to have sex). And he recognized the need for affirmation that sex represented, affirmation he didn’t look to God to receive.
For Laurie, a personal retreat brought her to the brink of leaving, and the realization that to do so for her would be to silence the Holy Spirit’s presence in her life. She did not want that. She chose trusting and following Jesus, and returned home. It was only a beginning. She was still triggered often in his presence. She didn’t want to be together. Then she began to wrestle with the meaning of oneness in marriage as a tangible picture of our oneness with God. She began to take half steps toward Matt. Matt let her set the pace. There were breakthroughs of insight, and a slow steady process of becoming friends, holding hands, and going to war in prayer against the memories of abuse.
It is a powerful story of how God made the impossible possible for this couple. This is not a book meant to be weaponized in the polemics around LGBTQ+ issues. While the authors believe that marriage is meant to be between a man and a woman, they recognize others differ. The book is really for all married couples (and singles as well, according to the authors). Underlying Jesus teaching about marriage and divorce (Matthew 19:1-12) is the reality that marriage is hard, because it lays bare the hardness of the human heart. All hearts. It might be said that all marriages are “impossible” marriages, yet under God, the impossible is used to form us in understanding the love of God and the oneness with Him into which he invites us.
The element of trauma also makes this an important book for those who have experienced trauma as well as those who love them. Laurie makes the point that her sexual attraction and the abuse in her life are separate, and many who experience sexual abuse are heterosexually oriented. What Matt learns about loving Laurie, and the steps Laurie takes to love Matt while they are still struggling offer an example that might be helpful for others
The authors suggest that marriage involves cultivating seven “gardens”: emotional, spiritual, physical, intellectual, social, family, and stewardship. Connection in all of these is important and neglecting one area affects the others. The book includes a study guide couples can use, or even couples groups where there is trust. The book underscores the importance of having others with whom we can be vulnerable.
This is a powerful and honest narrative. Despite the unique circumstances of their marriage, I recognized the challenges all of us face in marriage, and the hope offered for those who trust in Christ that what seems impossible for us at times is possible in Christ.
____________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
October 28, 2021
This is a jewel of a marriage book I found during a rather low time. Although my struggles are different from theirs, their story and the truths of the gospel that have sustained them were such an encouragement to me. I think it would be a helpful read for any Christian struggling with their sexual orientation in marriage, or someone married to a spouse who is, someone feeling the effects of trauma in marriage, and even anyone who wants an honest but fought for view of marriage no matter our identity or struggles. I think matt and Laurie did a brave thing sharing this story that so many Christians will probably dismiss or misunderstand, but for those of us that it ministered to, I am thankful.
PS: the audiobook of them narrating is great 😊
PS: the audiobook of them narrating is great 😊
October 12, 2020
I have been so blessed by this book. In fact staring to read it a second time and only had it 2 weeks. I found out about these two from their podcast called “Hole in my heart podcast.” I am not a huge reader but finished this one in three days because it was authentic and honest about the challenges of doing relationships and points to the utmost love of all. It will bless you if single or married as it opens up your thoughts and mind about relationship with the almighty God.
October 3, 2020
The honesty and vulnerability of Laurie and Matt compelled me to read page after page. Obviously in love with Jesus, I felt spurred on to a deep devotion to Him. So thankful to have read.
December 20, 2021
This is a tough one to review.
TWs for trauma, sexual abuse, anti-LGBTQ+ theology
I have a fundamental disagreement with the authors on the sanctity and blessedness of LGBTQ+ marriage (as in, I believe LGBTQ+ marriages have all the capacity for beauty, grace, and love that any other marriages have, as well as the capacity for brokenness that any other marriages have.)
I want to be unequivocal in my support and love for my LGBTQ+ siblings as a starting point, because that's non-negotiable for me.
All of that being said, I did appreciate the ways in which they name how sex is held up as an idol to be used for a quick fix to deeper relational problems within marriage. I also appreciate the ways they name the exchange calculus that can happen (the trope where one partner does the chores so their partner will give them sex.)
I also appreciate the ways they discuss how porn can disrupt a relationship or marriage.
I struggled a lot with this book because I believe love within marriage is meant by God for our flourishing and abundant life in freedom to love God and love our neighbor. I didn't hear a lot of flourishing, abundant life, or freedom in these pages. I heard trauma, agony, and their periodic relief.
As I reflect more on this, I may add more. But these are my thoughts upon finishing this book.
TWs for trauma, sexual abuse, anti-LGBTQ+ theology
I have a fundamental disagreement with the authors on the sanctity and blessedness of LGBTQ+ marriage (as in, I believe LGBTQ+ marriages have all the capacity for beauty, grace, and love that any other marriages have, as well as the capacity for brokenness that any other marriages have.)
I want to be unequivocal in my support and love for my LGBTQ+ siblings as a starting point, because that's non-negotiable for me.
All of that being said, I did appreciate the ways in which they name how sex is held up as an idol to be used for a quick fix to deeper relational problems within marriage. I also appreciate the ways they name the exchange calculus that can happen (the trope where one partner does the chores so their partner will give them sex.)
I also appreciate the ways they discuss how porn can disrupt a relationship or marriage.
I struggled a lot with this book because I believe love within marriage is meant by God for our flourishing and abundant life in freedom to love God and love our neighbor. I didn't hear a lot of flourishing, abundant life, or freedom in these pages. I heard trauma, agony, and their periodic relief.
As I reflect more on this, I may add more. But these are my thoughts upon finishing this book.
April 27, 2021
This is a beautiful and authentic picture of marriage, but far more so is a moving story of what it looks like to walk close to God and be present to him through the process of pain, suffering, growth, and joy. I frequently had to put down this book about God to simply be present with God. I cried over and over reading Laurie and Matt's accounts of their walk with the Lord and each other through the years, and found my heart repeatedly aching simply to be more present to the Father in the day-to-day.
May 7, 2021
The rawness of this book... I have no words but to say how that if you are looking for another book on marriage, this is the wrong space. This book is about the gospel and the Power of the Holy Spirit. It leads us back to our main Calling: love God and Glorify Him. Point to Him. ALWAYS.
This is what Christianity Looks like. Showing up and recognizing that God is in the Middle of the Good, the Bad and the ugly.
Thanks for pointing me towards God even more Laurie and Matt.
This is what Christianity Looks like. Showing up and recognizing that God is in the Middle of the Good, the Bad and the ugly.
Thanks for pointing me towards God even more Laurie and Matt.
March 26, 2021
How in the world do I summarize this one?
I read it so fast I could barely take in the richness.
Laurie and Matt took me behind the scenes into their marriage and personal walks with Christ... and it wrecked me. I'm thinking differently about marriage, sexuality, our needs and how they are met in God, and I'll be coming back to this book again to more thoughtfully digest it.
Definitely never going to shut up about this book.
I read it so fast I could barely take in the richness.
Laurie and Matt took me behind the scenes into their marriage and personal walks with Christ... and it wrecked me. I'm thinking differently about marriage, sexuality, our needs and how they are met in God, and I'll be coming back to this book again to more thoughtfully digest it.
Definitely never going to shut up about this book.
June 12, 2022
Possibly the most powerful book I have ever listened to/read…and I say that as a single person. I was so blessed by their story/perspective on marriage, sexuality, and the gospel.
October 27, 2020
This book is for YOU. If you’re reading this review, then you’re curious about this book. And if you’re here wondering, then this book is definitely for YOU. Whether you are single, married, divorced, soon-or-hoping-to-be married-- it’s for you. It’s for those who wrestle with their sexuality—or not. It’s for those who are-- or who have friends that are-- struggling with questions of sexuality and marriage. And don’t we all? Aren’t all marriages impossible in some way?
My husband and I are reading through the book at a slow speed, because we don’t want to miss a chance to discuss important thoughts along the way. (We just finished with chapter 4 at the time of this review.) Laurie’s artful storytelling and Matt’s thoughtful, therapeutic-style processing are just the beginning of the depths of this book. They continually point to scripture and Jesus as they fight through the pain and questions they encounter in marriage and sexuality.
Laurie and Matt provide a window into their thoughts and experiences through the brave and vulnerable telling of their marriage story. Our own hearts feel unzipped and stirred by the authors’ no-holds-barred approach to sharing incredibly difficult parts of their history. As we read, we see bits of our own selves, and their honesty helps us to be honest as we dig deep into healing in our own marriage.
As we read this book, we are experiencing a deeper understanding of the width, height, length, and depth of God’s love. We pray that our own impossible marriage will begin to mirror this love so others will see God’s lavish love for them.
My husband and I are reading through the book at a slow speed, because we don’t want to miss a chance to discuss important thoughts along the way. (We just finished with chapter 4 at the time of this review.) Laurie’s artful storytelling and Matt’s thoughtful, therapeutic-style processing are just the beginning of the depths of this book. They continually point to scripture and Jesus as they fight through the pain and questions they encounter in marriage and sexuality.
Laurie and Matt provide a window into their thoughts and experiences through the brave and vulnerable telling of their marriage story. Our own hearts feel unzipped and stirred by the authors’ no-holds-barred approach to sharing incredibly difficult parts of their history. As we read, we see bits of our own selves, and their honesty helps us to be honest as we dig deep into healing in our own marriage.
As we read this book, we are experiencing a deeper understanding of the width, height, length, and depth of God’s love. We pray that our own impossible marriage will begin to mirror this love so others will see God’s lavish love for them.
July 1, 2023
I thought this would be about marriage but it was about much more than that. It’s about God’s grace, the brokenness of sin and personal healing. The marriage part is just two people working through their mess together. This book is really for everyone because, to quote the book, “Everyone marries the wrong person.” We all have impossible marriages.
I think it would be beneficial for singles as well. Laurie shares how she worked through trauma memories, dissociation and same-sex attraction. Matt shares how he learned to stop idolizing sex to fill his needs and went from pornography use to a season of abstinence.
I am not here to say whether I would promote every counseling method in the book, but there is a lot of truth to be found here. Kudos to this couple for sharing their hearts in such a vulnerable way for the enrichment of other marriages.
I think it would be beneficial for singles as well. Laurie shares how she worked through trauma memories, dissociation and same-sex attraction. Matt shares how he learned to stop idolizing sex to fill his needs and went from pornography use to a season of abstinence.
I am not here to say whether I would promote every counseling method in the book, but there is a lot of truth to be found here. Kudos to this couple for sharing their hearts in such a vulnerable way for the enrichment of other marriages.
December 22, 2021
I've tried to make my life mantra, "Live in a way where God is worthy of my everything". Laurie and Matt demonstrate they march in the same rhythm through this vivid and visceral account of the trying seasons of their marriage so far. Suffering that produces fruit, cultivating all the gardens for holistic oneness, seeing through one another to our God, our Need-meeter. All this makes me so encouraged to continue fighting the good fight. Even as or perhaps especially as a single, celibate-until-further-notice brother-in-Christ, I am so grateful that the Kriegs took the time to share their testimony, their prayers, and their raw struggles with us. He is worthy. And this light and momentary affliction cannot be compared to the weight of eternal glory that awaits us. Can't wait for The Wedding.
May 31, 2025
I haven’t read many books on marriage, but I love the perspective that Laurie & Matt bring! They demonstrate how marriage reflects the Gospel & how marriage is much more about Jesus than two people. I was originally interested in hearing Laurie’s perspective as a married woman who struggles with same-sex attraction, and left with a much deeper understanding of marriage itself.
It is beautiful to see how the Lord has redeemed brokenness in both of their lives to help them love Him (and each other) better. I am grateful for Laurie and Matt’s honesty and willingness to share their story & allow others to learn from them. Overall, an interesting read & one that I will be thinking about for a long time.
It is beautiful to see how the Lord has redeemed brokenness in both of their lives to help them love Him (and each other) better. I am grateful for Laurie and Matt’s honesty and willingness to share their story & allow others to learn from them. Overall, an interesting read & one that I will be thinking about for a long time.
January 16, 2023
“Every marriage is impossible”—a statement that Matt and Laurie Krieg make through your the book. “That is, without God, every marriage is impossible.”
This is deeply moving story, not only of a marriage between two people, but of our covenant relationship with Jesus Christ and identity as image bearers of God. It had me not only thinking through my misconceptions and theology of marriage, but of current ideas about identity and longing and the way I seek to meet those needs. Listened to the audiobook, but it’s one I want to have on my shelf. Will be revisiting/rereading this in the future. Highly recommend.
This is deeply moving story, not only of a marriage between two people, but of our covenant relationship with Jesus Christ and identity as image bearers of God. It had me not only thinking through my misconceptions and theology of marriage, but of current ideas about identity and longing and the way I seek to meet those needs. Listened to the audiobook, but it’s one I want to have on my shelf. Will be revisiting/rereading this in the future. Highly recommend.
October 27, 2020
This is a book that I will read over and over again. A book that my husband and I, together, will read over and over again. This book is life changing. It is truly a book that leads you to worship Jesus because only HE can bring wholeness. Only HE can repair brokenness. Matt and Laurie show us just that in this book and through their story. Go get yourself a copy. I promise you won’t be disappointed.
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