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How I Made a Huge Mess of My Life
Billie Best’s memoir is a provocative, at times hilarious, account of her midlife mistakes and misadventures, and how they build her strength as she copes with her soul mate turned cheating husband who wants his death to be performance art, his doppelganger mistress who wants to steal her identity, and the financial collapse of the farm she loves. An inspiring tale of a woman’s rites of passage from her 40s to her 60s when everything in her life changes.
Most of the story takes place in the Berkshire hills of Western Massachusetts where Best and her husband purchased a farm in 1998 as a second home after her success in the technology business. The book charts their course from high tech city people to low tech farm folk as it exposes the fissures in their marriage brought on by diverging visions for the future, her immersion into farming and his escape into an affair.
Three months before his death he invites his until then secret mistress to spend the weekend with him and Best. It’s his goodbye present to himself and it doesn’t go well. Best’s emotional scars are permanent, triggering a cascade of rage, neurosis and obsessive-compulsive cleaning. It takes years for her to unravel the lies buried in their marriage. Then she discovers some forgotten secrets of her own.
An illumination of a woman’s power in midlife, Best’s memoir is a gutsy saga of how a marriage breaks down after 30 years, what to do (and not to do) when your husband cheats on you, how to deal with a midlife crisis, how to plan your own funeral and die at home, how to move forward after becoming a widow, and the personal renaissance of downsizing and starting over — in short, this book is about how to age well.
Most of the story takes place in the Berkshire hills of Western Massachusetts where Best and her husband purchased a farm in 1998 as a second home after her success in the technology business. The book charts their course from high tech city people to low tech farm folk as it exposes the fissures in their marriage brought on by diverging visions for the future, her immersion into farming and his escape into an affair.
Three months before his death he invites his until then secret mistress to spend the weekend with him and Best. It’s his goodbye present to himself and it doesn’t go well. Best’s emotional scars are permanent, triggering a cascade of rage, neurosis and obsessive-compulsive cleaning. It takes years for her to unravel the lies buried in their marriage. Then she discovers some forgotten secrets of her own.
An illumination of a woman’s power in midlife, Best’s memoir is a gutsy saga of how a marriage breaks down after 30 years, what to do (and not to do) when your husband cheats on you, how to deal with a midlife crisis, how to plan your own funeral and die at home, how to move forward after becoming a widow, and the personal renaissance of downsizing and starting over — in short, this book is about how to age well.
- GenresMemoir
256 pages, Paperback
Published March 21, 2020
9 people are currently reading
39 people want to read
About the author
Billie Best
4 books12 followersBillie Best is the author of 3 books and 200+ blog posts at her website billiebest.com where she explores aging, relationships, wellness and tech from a feminist perspective.
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
June 14, 2020
I could not have adored this book more. As an extroverted feminist animal lover who is also an introverted creative, this was right up my reading alley. Best’s story about finding love both sensually and architecturally— along with disaster in both realms—is brave, boisterous, ballsy and just downright fun to read. The voice is accessible but intelligent, candid but heartfelt. Get copies for your favorite friends because if they borrow it, they’ll never give it back!
May 31, 2020
They met in the music scene in Boston. He was the bass player in a well-known band, Orchestra Luna. She was the band’s new manager—hired over the bass player’s objections.
His name was Chet Cahill. Her name was Billie Best. They bonded over “The Day The Earth Stood Still” and other vintage sci-fi movies. Members of the band all lived together in an eight-bedroom Victorian house in Newton Highlands. Soon, Chet and Billie were together. It was 1976. “We shared a deep belief in the work we were doing. Orchestra Luna was our love child.”
A year later, the band disintegrated when lead singer Karla DeVito left to tour with Meat Loaf and, later, launch her own solo career. Chet and Billie rented an apartment in Boston’s South End. In the late 1970’s, Chet battled cancer for the first time. Orchestra Luna morphed into harder-rocking Luna and later Berlin Airlift.
After some ups and down, Billie and Chet married in 1985. They rented a chapel they found in the phone book. It was called Adam & Eve. In marriage, they gave each other space for creativity. Together, after a series of other jobs, they bought a farm in the Berkshires. Cows. Chickens. Fences. Slaughtering at home. And a “gut renovation” of the old farmhouse.
The farm is where Chet died when the cancer came back. The farm, too, is where Billie discovered secrets about her husband—secrets she lays out in the first few pages of her sterling memoir, How I Made a Huge Mess of My Life (or Couples Therapy with a Dead Man).
The biggest secret is the arrival of a gift when Chet is very sick. A juicer. It’s a gift from the other woman, who quickly earns the nickname “The Juicer” and who also comes for a visit. She wears “high heels with tight jeans.” Billie has seen many such women in rock clubs over the years. Groupies. Billie cooks an Italian dinner for the three of them. (Chet is very sick at the time.) And Billie Best, who pours her soul out all through this memoir, recalls this painful moment over a few gripping pages in Chapter 1.
“This was the day my brain began to separate from itself, cleaved into sections like a melon split with an axe … I couldn’t believe that my dying husband had betrayed me, was betraying me right in front of my eyes. I couldn’t accept that he preferred to be with her when we had so little time left, and every day was precious. I couldn’t reconcile my self-image with all of this. So I separated myself into pieces, and after September 27th, 2008, wherever I was, part of me was always locked in a box someplace else.”
In a way, How I Made a Huge Mess of My Life is a sort of un-boxing of Billie’s life. It’s raw, honest, funny, insightful, and gripping. Think Mary Karr’s The Liars’ Club meets Barbara Kingsolver’s Animal, Vegetable, Miracle with a dash of Alexandra Fuller’s Don’t Let’s Go Down to the Dogs Tonight.
The writing is exquisite. Billie Best writes with detail, color, and a terrific sense of rhythm. Her appreciation for story comes as no surprise—nor does her talent for self-awareness.
“Books are my key to the Universe. I read and do, read and do, read and do, until finally I’m certain I know, and I don’t need to learn anymore. I just do. Often that’s when I make my biggest mistakes. I’m so certain of what I know that I don’t allow for the possibility of learning something new. My knowledge becomes a series of switches, on/off, yes/no, right/left, open/closed, a grid of pre-existing ideas that becomes a filter of everything that enters my mind.”
Chet’s death is moving. So is how Billie handled it. Billie’s life after Chet’s death is powerful, relatable, and admirable, too. Billie tries to make sense of Chet’s behavior—and the behavior of men. Her emotions are bare and so is her thought process. She analyzes choices along the way and, of course, realizes she had flings, too, inside and outside the marriage to Chet. “The arc of karma is long,” she concludes, “but it bends toward payback.”
I knew Billie and Chet. I was a big fan of Orchestra Luna before Chet joined the band. I lived in that eight-bedroom Victorian house in Newton with Billie, Chet, Rick (Kinscherf) Berlin, Karla DeVito, and many others who came and went. I even wrote a few articles and reviews of the band for local Boston newspapers.
To me, Chet was a super kind guy. He was sincere, low-key, and a heckuva bass player. To me, Billie was cool. I remembered being impressed with how she managed to wrangle this large band into some sort of order. I showed up at Orchestra Luna and Luna gigs all over New England with the band in one of the happiest and craziest years of my single, post-college life—a year that began in 1977 and ended with me driving to California, for work, in 1978.
From a selfish perspective, How I Made a Huge Mess of My Life helped me fill in the gaps on what happened to two cool people in the decades after I said good-bye. But it’s a book anyone could—and should—read and savor.
His name was Chet Cahill. Her name was Billie Best. They bonded over “The Day The Earth Stood Still” and other vintage sci-fi movies. Members of the band all lived together in an eight-bedroom Victorian house in Newton Highlands. Soon, Chet and Billie were together. It was 1976. “We shared a deep belief in the work we were doing. Orchestra Luna was our love child.”
A year later, the band disintegrated when lead singer Karla DeVito left to tour with Meat Loaf and, later, launch her own solo career. Chet and Billie rented an apartment in Boston’s South End. In the late 1970’s, Chet battled cancer for the first time. Orchestra Luna morphed into harder-rocking Luna and later Berlin Airlift.
After some ups and down, Billie and Chet married in 1985. They rented a chapel they found in the phone book. It was called Adam & Eve. In marriage, they gave each other space for creativity. Together, after a series of other jobs, they bought a farm in the Berkshires. Cows. Chickens. Fences. Slaughtering at home. And a “gut renovation” of the old farmhouse.
The farm is where Chet died when the cancer came back. The farm, too, is where Billie discovered secrets about her husband—secrets she lays out in the first few pages of her sterling memoir, How I Made a Huge Mess of My Life (or Couples Therapy with a Dead Man).
The biggest secret is the arrival of a gift when Chet is very sick. A juicer. It’s a gift from the other woman, who quickly earns the nickname “The Juicer” and who also comes for a visit. She wears “high heels with tight jeans.” Billie has seen many such women in rock clubs over the years. Groupies. Billie cooks an Italian dinner for the three of them. (Chet is very sick at the time.) And Billie Best, who pours her soul out all through this memoir, recalls this painful moment over a few gripping pages in Chapter 1.
“This was the day my brain began to separate from itself, cleaved into sections like a melon split with an axe … I couldn’t believe that my dying husband had betrayed me, was betraying me right in front of my eyes. I couldn’t accept that he preferred to be with her when we had so little time left, and every day was precious. I couldn’t reconcile my self-image with all of this. So I separated myself into pieces, and after September 27th, 2008, wherever I was, part of me was always locked in a box someplace else.”
In a way, How I Made a Huge Mess of My Life is a sort of un-boxing of Billie’s life. It’s raw, honest, funny, insightful, and gripping. Think Mary Karr’s The Liars’ Club meets Barbara Kingsolver’s Animal, Vegetable, Miracle with a dash of Alexandra Fuller’s Don’t Let’s Go Down to the Dogs Tonight.
The writing is exquisite. Billie Best writes with detail, color, and a terrific sense of rhythm. Her appreciation for story comes as no surprise—nor does her talent for self-awareness.
“Books are my key to the Universe. I read and do, read and do, read and do, until finally I’m certain I know, and I don’t need to learn anymore. I just do. Often that’s when I make my biggest mistakes. I’m so certain of what I know that I don’t allow for the possibility of learning something new. My knowledge becomes a series of switches, on/off, yes/no, right/left, open/closed, a grid of pre-existing ideas that becomes a filter of everything that enters my mind.”
Chet’s death is moving. So is how Billie handled it. Billie’s life after Chet’s death is powerful, relatable, and admirable, too. Billie tries to make sense of Chet’s behavior—and the behavior of men. Her emotions are bare and so is her thought process. She analyzes choices along the way and, of course, realizes she had flings, too, inside and outside the marriage to Chet. “The arc of karma is long,” she concludes, “but it bends toward payback.”
I knew Billie and Chet. I was a big fan of Orchestra Luna before Chet joined the band. I lived in that eight-bedroom Victorian house in Newton with Billie, Chet, Rick (Kinscherf) Berlin, Karla DeVito, and many others who came and went. I even wrote a few articles and reviews of the band for local Boston newspapers.
To me, Chet was a super kind guy. He was sincere, low-key, and a heckuva bass player. To me, Billie was cool. I remembered being impressed with how she managed to wrangle this large band into some sort of order. I showed up at Orchestra Luna and Luna gigs all over New England with the band in one of the happiest and craziest years of my single, post-college life—a year that began in 1977 and ended with me driving to California, for work, in 1978.
From a selfish perspective, How I Made a Huge Mess of My Life helped me fill in the gaps on what happened to two cool people in the decades after I said good-bye. But it’s a book anyone could—and should—read and savor.
May 14, 2020
Women, especially women of a certain age, need to read this book! No one plans for their spouse's death, let alone their own death in American Culture. This book is both a warning and an invitation to dip your toe in the pool to experience what death and grief experiences feel like. I really enjoyed Billie Best's story told with both humor and heartfelt emotion. Her experience truly exemplifies death positivity. Looking forward to future work by her.
July 14, 2020
Four and one half stars. Billie is my new hero. She is frank, honest and revealing in her memoir about the reckoning and ensuing wisdom that comes with middle age. Billie has a lovely life, a farm and a partner when it all comes crashing down- or did it?
For those of us trying to redefine, taking stock, and learning to heal the decades old wounds, this book will speak to you.
For those of us trying to redefine, taking stock, and learning to heal the decades old wounds, this book will speak to you.
August 20, 2020
Five stars for an entertaining writing style and a well-told story. I'm not exactly the target audience for this book, although I am on the early edge of that mid-life crisis age range, I have basically nothing in common with the life experiences of the author. However, the title, "How I Made a Huge Mess of My Life" spoke to me in the moment, as did the picture on the cover--so here I am.
With the tagline, I kind of assumed there would actually be a professional therapeutic intervention and, as a person with mental health training, I was curious how this was approached. Spoiler alert: that's not what happened. But therapy takes all forms, and Best's was organic and self-facilitated. Enlightening and encouraging to follow another person's journey of self-discovery. I recommend this book for anyone approaching an uncertain time in their life, anyone who has lost (or is losing) a loved one, anyone who has dealt with infidelity in a relationship, and/or anyone who has questions about...life after life.
With the tagline, I kind of assumed there would actually be a professional therapeutic intervention and, as a person with mental health training, I was curious how this was approached. Spoiler alert: that's not what happened. But therapy takes all forms, and Best's was organic and self-facilitated. Enlightening and encouraging to follow another person's journey of self-discovery. I recommend this book for anyone approaching an uncertain time in their life, anyone who has lost (or is losing) a loved one, anyone who has dealt with infidelity in a relationship, and/or anyone who has questions about...life after life.
June 17, 2020
Very entertaining and enlightening story. The descriptions took me into her story and kept me reading until the end. The author shared authentic feelings that I have felt but could not put into words. She's lived an amazing life!
April 9, 2020
The many readers of Billie Best's blog, who know her as a witty dispenser of wry aging-related advice, may be surprised to find themselves pulled irresistibly into an account of the gut-wrenching unraveling of a woman's expectations about her own life. A force of pure energy and determination, there is nothing Billie won't tackle: the perfect marriage, the mid-life career change from successful executive to idealistic farmer, and even, when her husband falls terminally ill, orchestrator of a flawless death-plan according to his wishes. But it takes her ten years of denial and suffering to confront and then triumphantly overcome the cracks in this ideal picture, the specter of infidelity beyond the grave, her obsessive need for tidiness and order, and her attachment to ephemeral things.
July 17, 2020
Loved this book so much. Billie Best really knows how to tell a (her) story with honesty and humor that kept my attention, I couldn’t put it down. As someone that struggles to put two thoughts together, I admire her talent for sure. But what I admire most is the strength she showed through the really painful challenges and very real life changes that she shares in this well written story of her life.
January 9, 2022
Gripping and insightful. I devoured this book. Billie Best shares her grief and anger in clear prose that is emotional without devolving into sentiment. Her life evolves over decades in this memoir, and she brings us along with honesty and compassion. Life has a way of unfolding as a series of episodes rather than the smooth trajectory of a novel, and Best's life, while shown in all its particularity, speaks to the reality of Women of a Certain Age who find ourselves sitting with wisdom acquired in ways we never expected. This book gives us much to ponder.
June 21, 2020
This book surprised me. I’m surprised that I actually quite liked it.
To be honest, the title and the cover of this book were totally off-putting to me. I expected reading this book to be like watching a slow motion train crash and at first, it pretty much was.
I never would have picked this book up in a million years but my book group selected it, and so I read.
Billie has an honest, candid writing style that drew me in. The book was solidly constructed and the pace was good. I have lots of sympathy for Billie and her story was fascinating.
A good book, overall.
To be honest, the title and the cover of this book were totally off-putting to me. I expected reading this book to be like watching a slow motion train crash and at first, it pretty much was.
I never would have picked this book up in a million years but my book group selected it, and so I read.
Billie has an honest, candid writing style that drew me in. The book was solidly constructed and the pace was good. I have lots of sympathy for Billie and her story was fascinating.
A good book, overall.
July 10, 2020
A brilliantly written story! A remarkable Journey! A genuinely good book! I laughed; I cried; it was exhilarating and exhausting at times. I admired the honesty and the talent of words from the author, but most of all I admired the courage of the journey. Great read! Great story! A very gifted writer! ❤
April 3, 2020
A powerful memoir that explores relationships, infidelity, emotional healing and reinvention. I laughed and cried along with Billie as she told her story. This book is beautifully written. I loved it.
June 13, 2020
Raw, honest, educational and emotional. Really good writing.
June 13, 2020
This book highlights the fact that grief is never ending. It simply changes over time and we need to honor that.
June 19, 2020
How I Made a Huge Mess of My Life is a book I probably would have never read much less picked up if it wasn't my book clubs pick for July. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and felt all the feels while reading it.
The only reason I gave it 4 stars instead of 5, is because it mostly appeals to an older generation. I'm also not a huge fan of poetry, and while that was the way Billie dealt with all the grief and anger in her life it just didn't catch my attention. I'm glad I read it, and would recommend it to others, especially those who enjoy memoirs.
The only reason I gave it 4 stars instead of 5, is because it mostly appeals to an older generation. I'm also not a huge fan of poetry, and while that was the way Billie dealt with all the grief and anger in her life it just didn't catch my attention. I'm glad I read it, and would recommend it to others, especially those who enjoy memoirs.
July 13, 2020
I haven't consumed a book this fast in years. So many unexpected topics that are dear to me. Auctioneering, dying with dignity, music... Billie's perspective is fresh yet familiar. Her writing leaves you wanting more.
April 1, 2020
Billie is definitely an exquisite word smith. I really enjoyed her memoir. It was interesting, quirky, introspective, funny, at times hilarious! She has LIVED a fulfilling life and continues to contemplate her new life, by herself. Great book from a female perspective.
June 20, 2020
You will love this book
There is too much to say about this book. I almost cried, did laugh, and identified closely with OCD cleaning and the rage of betrayal. This book is a must, especially for those who are in their 6th decade. Thank you for the wonderful story, Billie.
There is too much to say about this book. I almost cried, did laugh, and identified closely with OCD cleaning and the rage of betrayal. This book is a must, especially for those who are in their 6th decade. Thank you for the wonderful story, Billie.
June 29, 2020
Some aim to be the voice of a new generation. Billie Best is the voice of an old (female) generation - one most often overlooked and too rarely heard from. Billie's voice is one in which I take unadulterated comfort. It takes me from laughing to crying in the turn of a page as she reveals the bitter truths of aging and the sweet pleasures of hard won experience and time-worn wisdom.
June 30, 2020
A very interesting read. Couldn’t put it down.
July 5, 2020
My book club chose this book, otherwise, I probably would have never read it simply because I had never heard of it or the author. While I did feel for Billie Best, the book seemed like it needed more direction. I was really confused by the last few pages of blog posts that seemed irrelevant to the memoir and introduced heavy topics that were just kind of dropped on the reader. Those aspects should have been explored more deeply and earlier on or otherwise, left out. Some of the poetry was nice and vulnerable and raw, but ultimately added to the book kind of being everywhere. I am interested to see what other members of my book club think though, because there are several talking points.
October 27, 2020
Billie Best is a compulsive cleaner, probably ADHD, so as a die-hard housework procrastinator I found it hard to relate. But this is why I read: to learn about people different from myself, and Billie's writing style is so honest and funny, even when she's talking about grief, that I couldn't put this book down. Memories are funny things, and they often lead us in wrong directions. As Billie comes to realize this, I don't think she gives herself enough credit, and I do think the title is misleading. We all just do the best we can, and we don't always stop to examine why we're doing it. I wish Billie Best success in everything she does, and hope she will keep writing about it.
September 21, 2020
It's brilliant! I loved Billie's writing style, she crafts words so that some sentences I just paused to enjoy them in and of themselves.
This is a bonus for what is already a great book, where she weaves the emotions involved in love, life and death together with the unusual circumstances of her life.
The result is a book that is enjoyable, entertaining, and educational all at the same time. Loved it!
This is a bonus for what is already a great book, where she weaves the emotions involved in love, life and death together with the unusual circumstances of her life.
The result is a book that is enjoyable, entertaining, and educational all at the same time. Loved it!
July 8, 2020
The author, Billie Best, takes us through her life story with love, sadness, anger, and hope for her life after 60 and beyond. I related to her story as I imagined how similar events will play out in my own life. This book helped me reimagine my own future (I will be 67 next month).
Every woman should read this book — maybe several times! I know I’ll read it again, soon.
Every woman should read this book — maybe several times! I know I’ll read it again, soon.
November 7, 2023
I may not be the most objective reviewer of this book, but women seem to like it. They say it's a page-turner, raw and sassy. An uplifting memoir for women seeking role models, ways of coping with the process of grief, and inspiration for reinvention. It should be titled How to Kick Ass.
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews