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Bridges: Ministering to Those Who Question
With the advancement of the internet, changing worldviews, and the rising generation of millennials, Latter-day Saints today face unique challenges to faith on an unprecedented scale. Unlike most books written to help those struggling with their testimonies, Bridges: Ministering to Those Who Question is geared at helping local leaders and family members better understand the sources of these challenges and how to minister to those affected by them. This ministering is done through building bridges of love, empathy, and trust regardless of whether or not someone retains their belief or continues to participate. Author David B. Ostler, a former mission president, utilizes surveys with local leaders and disaffected members, research from social science and religious studies, and teachings from Church leaders to show how Latter-day Saints can work to better support those who have questions and create church environments where all can feel welcome.
197 pages, Paperback
Published August 7, 2019
115 people are currently reading
642 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 152 reviews
September 18, 2019
To be completely honest, I have not attended church regularly in a while. So I thought that this book might be something used on me, rather than something for me. But I was wrong. I was oddly relieved to learn that faith crises “are being discussed only rarely.” (page 129) It meant that I was not alone, nor was my ward alone in ignoring the elephant in the room.
In fact, from the intro to the final word, I felt the love of the author, David Ostler, and I felt the spirit as soon as I began reading. Ostler addressed the hurtful practice of “policing” different comments and scriptural interpretations at church (134). Ostler shares ways in which discussions can be open for all to feel safe, and to share, even when they are atypical, or even when individuals share things such as struggling with the temple, struggling with church policy or even doubting doctrine.
Ostler further reminds us that even those who have left the church are loved by their Heavenly Parents; that perfection is not for this life, but that love, and the love we offer to others is for the here and now. In other words, Ostler has made a delicious batch of pizza dough, and he is inviting all to take a part in creating a place for us to all sit at a table, where all of different thoughts will feel safe to share, and be well fed by a every kind of pizza topping under the sun.
This is truly a beautiful book, one that resonated with me deeply. I plan to purchase a copy for my ward’s library (yay, Amazon!), and have already recommended it to the members of my ward who dared to try and minister to little ‘ol me.
In fact, from the intro to the final word, I felt the love of the author, David Ostler, and I felt the spirit as soon as I began reading. Ostler addressed the hurtful practice of “policing” different comments and scriptural interpretations at church (134). Ostler shares ways in which discussions can be open for all to feel safe, and to share, even when they are atypical, or even when individuals share things such as struggling with the temple, struggling with church policy or even doubting doctrine.
Ostler further reminds us that even those who have left the church are loved by their Heavenly Parents; that perfection is not for this life, but that love, and the love we offer to others is for the here and now. In other words, Ostler has made a delicious batch of pizza dough, and he is inviting all to take a part in creating a place for us to all sit at a table, where all of different thoughts will feel safe to share, and be well fed by a every kind of pizza topping under the sun.
This is truly a beautiful book, one that resonated with me deeply. I plan to purchase a copy for my ward’s library (yay, Amazon!), and have already recommended it to the members of my ward who dared to try and minister to little ‘ol me.
August 20, 2019
This is a very well written and sorely needed book. It addresses an important gap in the "LDS faith crisis" genre: how members who *aren't* experiencing a faith crisis can better minister to those who are. David Ostler, the author, is able to explain things in a very "safe" way that hopefully will minimize any defensiveness that members might feel about this issue. I think this should be required reading for all LDS leaders and members who know anyone who is questioning or has left the church (aka basically every adult member).
The book was inspired by the Ostler's experiences surveying LDS leaders as well as lay members who identify as experiencing a faith crisis, and then conducting in-depth interviews with about 40 of the survey participants. This allows Ostler to provide hard data as well as extended anecdotes and stories from individuals. (I very much appreciated that Ostler was careful to note that his surveys were relatively informal and do not meet academic standards; to address this, he includes information from other surveys that were more rigorous, including Jana Riess and Benjamin Knoll's recent work for Riess's book The Next Mormons and data from Pew.)
The more important contribution of this book, though, stems from its audience: believing LDS members and leaders. As Ostler notes in the Introduction, most books and articles about Mormon faith crises are directed towards the questioner, trying to provide them with context, answers, and reasons for faith. While these books have their place, Bridges fills the gap by addressing believing family members, ward members, and leaders. Ostler's thesis is that how these members respond to those who express concerns or doubts about the church is in fact one of the major contributors to whether someone in a faith crisis stays in the church or leaves. I agree wholeheartedly.
Ostler lays out how honest truth seekers can find themselves in a faith crisis (and it's not because they want to sin), which should help believing members empathize somewhat with what is a very difficult concept to grasp if one has not experienced it. (I haven't read Planted by Patrick Mason, but I understand it also serves this purpose well.) But beyond that basic function, this book goes on to describe in detail both what members *shouldn't* do, as well as what they *should* do, in response to finding out a loved one or neighbor has concerns about the church—I think the former is at least as important as the latter, because many things believing members try to do to help can actually be harmful, so unlearning those reflexes is crucial.
At its core, the book pushes believing members and leaders to listen to understand, to embrace the questioner, to extend real, unconditional love, and focus on building a sincere relationship with the person _as they are_. I love that message, and this book gets it across wonderfully.
I also appreciated the focus throughout on gender and how women experience church generally, and faith crises specifically, in different ways than men do. Ostler himself takes this message to heart: he dedicates multiple sections of the book to women's issues and feminism, and he includes many quotes from women in the book, from General Auxiliary leaders, to members like Rachel Hunt Steenblik (whose name is misspelled once—a minor issue to no doubt be fixed in the next edition 😄) and Ashley Mae Hoiland who have written eloquently about their experiences, to women he interviewed as part of his research, and women not of the LDS faith such as Brene Brown and Zen priest Joan Halifax. Challenges faced by LGBTQ members, as well as their allies, also receive distinct attention.
The one unfortunate oversight that I noticed was surrounding race. The issue is not ignored—it is always included in lists of topics that members and especially millennials have concerns about—but the few times it is specifically addressed is in the context of the priesthood and temple ban (and modern repudiations of that ban's foundations). That is of course important, and a significant issue for many members of the LDS church, but I would have loved to see a deeper engagement with modern manifestations of racism and how they specifically affect people of color, just like was done for women's issues. (And ideally a bit of intersectionality, too, noting that women of color face their own particular challenges in the church, could have been included.) Ostler mentions in a few places that as a white man he has many, many privileges in the church, and there is a good suggestion to have a Sacrament meeting with talks focused on "Eliminating racism in our church, community, and lives," but I wish there had been more in-depth discussion of race and the LDS church. Ostler's experiences as a mission president in Africa, as well as any interviews he was able to conduct with people of color, likely could have provided opportunities to amplify racial minorities' voices and encourage white LDS members to better recognize and root out the racism that still exists in the church today. Obviously not everything can be included in one book, and many of the general principles discussed throughout the book undoubtedly apply to these issues, but I did feel like more deserved to be done. That was my only real complaint with the book, though.
In summary, this book is an engaging read, makes a compelling case, and concretely teaches readers how they can respond with more Christ-like love and empathy towards those around them who have concerns with the LDS church. I highly recommend it.
Finally, the requisite full disclosure: the author is a friend of mine, and (unrelatedly) I got an ebook copy of the book from the publisher in exchange for posting an honest review.
The book was inspired by the Ostler's experiences surveying LDS leaders as well as lay members who identify as experiencing a faith crisis, and then conducting in-depth interviews with about 40 of the survey participants. This allows Ostler to provide hard data as well as extended anecdotes and stories from individuals. (I very much appreciated that Ostler was careful to note that his surveys were relatively informal and do not meet academic standards; to address this, he includes information from other surveys that were more rigorous, including Jana Riess and Benjamin Knoll's recent work for Riess's book The Next Mormons and data from Pew.)
The more important contribution of this book, though, stems from its audience: believing LDS members and leaders. As Ostler notes in the Introduction, most books and articles about Mormon faith crises are directed towards the questioner, trying to provide them with context, answers, and reasons for faith. While these books have their place, Bridges fills the gap by addressing believing family members, ward members, and leaders. Ostler's thesis is that how these members respond to those who express concerns or doubts about the church is in fact one of the major contributors to whether someone in a faith crisis stays in the church or leaves. I agree wholeheartedly.
Ostler lays out how honest truth seekers can find themselves in a faith crisis (and it's not because they want to sin), which should help believing members empathize somewhat with what is a very difficult concept to grasp if one has not experienced it. (I haven't read Planted by Patrick Mason, but I understand it also serves this purpose well.) But beyond that basic function, this book goes on to describe in detail both what members *shouldn't* do, as well as what they *should* do, in response to finding out a loved one or neighbor has concerns about the church—I think the former is at least as important as the latter, because many things believing members try to do to help can actually be harmful, so unlearning those reflexes is crucial.
At its core, the book pushes believing members and leaders to listen to understand, to embrace the questioner, to extend real, unconditional love, and focus on building a sincere relationship with the person _as they are_. I love that message, and this book gets it across wonderfully.
I also appreciated the focus throughout on gender and how women experience church generally, and faith crises specifically, in different ways than men do. Ostler himself takes this message to heart: he dedicates multiple sections of the book to women's issues and feminism, and he includes many quotes from women in the book, from General Auxiliary leaders, to members like Rachel Hunt Steenblik (whose name is misspelled once—a minor issue to no doubt be fixed in the next edition 😄) and Ashley Mae Hoiland who have written eloquently about their experiences, to women he interviewed as part of his research, and women not of the LDS faith such as Brene Brown and Zen priest Joan Halifax. Challenges faced by LGBTQ members, as well as their allies, also receive distinct attention.
The one unfortunate oversight that I noticed was surrounding race. The issue is not ignored—it is always included in lists of topics that members and especially millennials have concerns about—but the few times it is specifically addressed is in the context of the priesthood and temple ban (and modern repudiations of that ban's foundations). That is of course important, and a significant issue for many members of the LDS church, but I would have loved to see a deeper engagement with modern manifestations of racism and how they specifically affect people of color, just like was done for women's issues. (And ideally a bit of intersectionality, too, noting that women of color face their own particular challenges in the church, could have been included.) Ostler mentions in a few places that as a white man he has many, many privileges in the church, and there is a good suggestion to have a Sacrament meeting with talks focused on "Eliminating racism in our church, community, and lives," but I wish there had been more in-depth discussion of race and the LDS church. Ostler's experiences as a mission president in Africa, as well as any interviews he was able to conduct with people of color, likely could have provided opportunities to amplify racial minorities' voices and encourage white LDS members to better recognize and root out the racism that still exists in the church today. Obviously not everything can be included in one book, and many of the general principles discussed throughout the book undoubtedly apply to these issues, but I did feel like more deserved to be done. That was my only real complaint with the book, though.
In summary, this book is an engaging read, makes a compelling case, and concretely teaches readers how they can respond with more Christ-like love and empathy towards those around them who have concerns with the LDS church. I highly recommend it.
Finally, the requisite full disclosure: the author is a friend of mine, and (unrelatedly) I got an ebook copy of the book from the publisher in exchange for posting an honest review.
October 13, 2019
I devoured this book the way I devour any great novel. I have never felt more seen. My husband and I were on every page of this book and Ostler’s compassion, love, and ability to listen were palpable. I felt the love of Christ reading this book more than I have in a long time. This book should be required reading for every human being as it teaches so clearly how to love without judgement and to reach out so no one feels invisible. I give this the highest rating I possibly can and I can’t foresee a day when I stop recommending it to people.
April 14, 2021
Listened to the audiobook. This is a book written by a faithful member of the LDS church for family/friends/clergy who would like to better support those who are questioning, in full blown faith crises, or who have left the church completely.
My faith crisis is three years old, and is no longer anything I consider a crisis, though some of the faithful, testimony stuff in here is still triggering. Overall I think this is a really good book if you'd like to better understand and support your loved ones who have left or who are questioning.
The church would be a better place if this was required reading for every leadership position.
My faith crisis is three years old, and is no longer anything I consider a crisis, though some of the faithful, testimony stuff in here is still triggering. Overall I think this is a really good book if you'd like to better understand and support your loved ones who have left or who are questioning.
The church would be a better place if this was required reading for every leadership position.
April 27, 2021
This book was very well written and does a fabulous job explaining faith crisis to those who may have not experienced it while validating both the believer and non-believer. I recommend this book to all my LDS friends no matter where you stand, this message is so needed.
I sincerely hope to see changes in the LDS community to allow room for all while minimizing exclusiveness and focusing on being a good church instead of the one true church. Ministering, listening and seeking to understand is so needed, I wish we saw more of that from leaders and in church policy.
I sincerely hope to see changes in the LDS community to allow room for all while minimizing exclusiveness and focusing on being a good church instead of the one true church. Ministering, listening and seeking to understand is so needed, I wish we saw more of that from leaders and in church policy.
August 18, 2019
My gosh this book is amazing. Should be required reading for every LDS local leader. And the GAs, obviously. But man, what a beautiful culture there would be in the church if everyone shared the few principles in this book!
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June 26, 2022My sweet mother had me borrow this book from her, and I’m glad she recommended it to me because she annotated it and it was fun to see her thoughts and scribbles throughout the book.
This is not a book I would ever pick up for myself. I tend to read sad-ish/dark-ish fiction most the time. Lol. I also don’t really resonate with a lot of the book which makes sense, since I’m not the target audience.
I think this book would have a lot of value for a believing member who is struggling to relate to and wants to understand friends & family going through faith crises.
This is not a book I would ever pick up for myself. I tend to read sad-ish/dark-ish fiction most the time. Lol. I also don’t really resonate with a lot of the book which makes sense, since I’m not the target audience.
I think this book would have a lot of value for a believing member who is struggling to relate to and wants to understand friends & family going through faith crises.
September 18, 2021
A must read for all active Mormons, especially leadership and anyone with loved ones questioning. ❤️
February 25, 2022
This is a thoughtful and compassionate look at those who question and/or leave the Mormon church and the reasons why they do. Members who have never questioned and would never leave might not be able to understand those who do. Often they assume that people who question or leave the church are lazy, were offended, or want to "sin". In fact, the author has done several surveys about that.
When local leaders were surveyed about what factors contribute to an individual's faith crises they replied:
Being Offended--
Strongly Agree 43%, Agree 47%
Conflict with other Members--
Strongly Agree 40%, Agree 54%
Not wanting to live the commandments--
Strongly Agree 34%, Agree 51%
Which looks very conclusive. Until the author surveyed members IN a faith crisis and asked them what contributed to their faith crisis. Here are their responses to the same factors:
Being Offended--
Strongly Agree 1%, Agree 18%
Conflict with other Members--
Strongly Agree 4%, Agree 54%
Not wanting to live the commandments--
Strongly Agree 0%, Agree 9%
All of that false and hurtful thinking is completely debunked as David Ostler thoroughly and emphatically examines unique situations of pain and suffering that can occur when members grapple with church history, the church's LGBTQ policies and beliefs, unequal gender roles in the church, feelings of judgment/anxiety at church, concern about prophetic revelation and leadership, politics or racism at church, and other specific church issues that millennials struggle with. He also debunks the standard advice given to just pray more, read the scriptures more, etc, noting that many people who lose their faith have never prayed harder for answers than when they were struggling with their faith. He explains the church can be an unsafe place for those who have questions or doubts.
One more quote to demonstrate why I appreciate this book: "'If we really want to encourage behavior (or belief) change in others we actually need to move away from advice giving (especially when our advice is unsolicited) and toward modeling. In other words, we need to be an example for others rather than telling them what to do.' The behavior that is most effective in ministering is loving, listening, and trying to understand without judgment. This is what bridge building is all about—finding common ground and building a firm and constant foundation" (Ostler, 2019 p. 52). This is a beautiful and helpful book I believe every member and local leader would benefit from.
When local leaders were surveyed about what factors contribute to an individual's faith crises they replied:
Being Offended--
Strongly Agree 43%, Agree 47%
Conflict with other Members--
Strongly Agree 40%, Agree 54%
Not wanting to live the commandments--
Strongly Agree 34%, Agree 51%
Which looks very conclusive. Until the author surveyed members IN a faith crisis and asked them what contributed to their faith crisis. Here are their responses to the same factors:
Being Offended--
Strongly Agree 1%, Agree 18%
Conflict with other Members--
Strongly Agree 4%, Agree 54%
Not wanting to live the commandments--
Strongly Agree 0%, Agree 9%
All of that false and hurtful thinking is completely debunked as David Ostler thoroughly and emphatically examines unique situations of pain and suffering that can occur when members grapple with church history, the church's LGBTQ policies and beliefs, unequal gender roles in the church, feelings of judgment/anxiety at church, concern about prophetic revelation and leadership, politics or racism at church, and other specific church issues that millennials struggle with. He also debunks the standard advice given to just pray more, read the scriptures more, etc, noting that many people who lose their faith have never prayed harder for answers than when they were struggling with their faith. He explains the church can be an unsafe place for those who have questions or doubts.
One more quote to demonstrate why I appreciate this book: "'If we really want to encourage behavior (or belief) change in others we actually need to move away from advice giving (especially when our advice is unsolicited) and toward modeling. In other words, we need to be an example for others rather than telling them what to do.' The behavior that is most effective in ministering is loving, listening, and trying to understand without judgment. This is what bridge building is all about—finding common ground and building a firm and constant foundation" (Ostler, 2019 p. 52). This is a beautiful and helpful book I believe every member and local leader would benefit from.
July 15, 2022
This has been the best book I've read in a while. David Ostler does an amazing job at doing his research, being authentic, and open minded.
This book really puts into perspective what it's like for those that question or leave the Church. Members are regularly motived to help 'minister' to those who question or leave, but rarely do we have the training or understanding, and 9 times out of 10 take the wrong approach. This book can change that!
This book really puts into perspective what it's like for those that question or leave the Church. Members are regularly motived to help 'minister' to those who question or leave, but rarely do we have the training or understanding, and 9 times out of 10 take the wrong approach. This book can change that!
November 12, 2019
David Ostler is a traditional Latter-Day Saint who has joined the ranks of Jana Reiss, Patrick Mason, Thomas McConkie, Adam Miller and Terryl & Fiona Givens by diving into the milieu of the current Mormon faith crisis. His efforts culminate in his recently released book, Bridges, Ministering to Those Who Question, published by Greg Kofford Books. In the past few months Ostler has been featured on podcasts including: A Thoughtful Faith (Gina Colvin), Leading Saints (Kurt Francom) , Live Love Laugh (Richard Ostler-his brother), Mormon Tangents (Rick Bennett), Marriage on a Tightrope (Kattie and Allan Mount), Mormon Stories (John Dehlin) and others. I have listened to all of these interviews and eagerly read his book.
The intended audience for this book is active, practicing members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. His intentions are for believing members to understand people that question or no longer believe specific doctrines or truth claims of the church; to explain why people question and why they leave the church; to build a bridge between active believing members and those that are less orthodox; to educate leadership at the local level–in wards and stakes–so that people in crisis can be loved and respected and ministered to by people who understand what they are going through. I feel his sincerity in the written word and through the interviews. He is someone that ‘gets it’ and wants to help.
Ostler has served in multiple leadership callings within the church. In recent years he and his wife Rachelle were called to minister to members of their local area that were no longer attending church. They began by reaching out to people via mail and email, asking them to explain why they were not attending. From there he developed two surveys, one for members in leadership positions and one for members who identify as being in a faith crisis. He conducted focus groups and one-on-one interviews with multiple people. He began disseminating his findings locally, which ultimately lead to the publication of his book.
Bridges is organized in a way that explains why and how he conducted his research, and presents the findings. The last few chapters focus on what to do with this information going forward.
There are three sections:
Section 1: A Crisis of Faith
Section 2: Trust, Belonging and Meaning
Section 3: Ministering
In Section 1 Ostler does a good job of explaining what a faith crisis is and why it is more common now than in days past. He discusses the changing society’s effect on belief, highlighting the millennial generation. He discusses a lack of trust, advanced technology, the decreasing “switching costs” associated with changing one’s views on marriage, jobs, political parties and religious affiliation. Ostler quotes President Ballard from a CES address advising teachers to be informed and not avoid tough questions from students.
In the chapter titled, “Why People Leave” he discusses the following topics in some detail:
Church History
Church LGBTQ Policies and Practices
Unequal Gender Roles
Feelings of Judgement and Anxiety at Church
Concern about Prophetic Leadership and Revelation
Cultural and Language Issues
Political Conservatism
Mental and Emotional Challenges
Unique Millennial Issues
He encourages readers to reconsider some commonly held assumptions about people who struggle. He cites data from the surveys regarding the faith crisis members. The majority were keeping all the commandments, reading the scriptures, attending church weekly, attending the temple and having meaningful personal prayer at the time of their faith crisis. He concludes the chapter with a call to establish “…faithful avenues for people to discuss challenging issues with other Latter-Day Saints who know about the topics.”
In a chapter, “Confronting Today’s Challenges of Faith,” Ostler make direct recommendations to Study church history including the Gospel Topic Essays and to focus on Jesus Christ. He makes a plea to acknowledge that church leaders make mistakes and have some compassion for them and the callings they bear. Ostler wheels out the “truth cart,” a metaphor introduced by Patrick Mason. He encourages us to examine what is in our truth cart and what does not need to be there. Several of his podcast interviews went deeper in this conversation. He was asked if the “truth cart” was the same as “Cafeteria Mormons.” Ostler explained the “truth cart” as believing that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and Savior. Items that didn’t need to be in the ‘truth cart” were the historicity of Jonah actually being swallowed by a whale, or the flood literally covering the entire earth, or Job being a real person vs a mythical figure. When he was pushed further to distinguish between ‘truth cart” and Cafeteria Mormon” Ostler stated he could see how they might look like the same thing but he saw a difference. His point was the “truth cart” can be limited to a few certain things.
In the chapter, “How Faith Changes,” Ostler introduces the concepts of faith development and changing paradigm shifts that occur in some people as they experience life’s challenges. He explained Fowler’s Stages of Faith Development focusing on stages 3 (strong, literal faith) and 4 (questioning, deconstructing belief). Ostler discusses “The Dark Night of the Soul,”a term frequently used to describe people in a faith crisis when they experience the absence of God, friends and support. He concludes the chapter with a call to minister to those in crisis. He acknowledges it is difficult for those in Stage 3 to understand what is like to be in Stage 4, which is ultimately why he has written this book.
Section 2 “Trust, Belonging, Meaning” has a chapter dedicated to each of these topics. Ostler’s premise is that if trust, belonging and meaning can be achieved, people will be more inclined to find value in their church affiliation and continue to participate. He shares data from the surveys and interviews that explain how each of these attributes are currently missing for people in a faith crisis. Those of us that are regular readers of The Exponent II blog, magazine and social media sites know these issues all too well.
For example, in the chapter on Meaning, Ostler’s research says the Church doctrines are not spiritually meaningful to 54% of those in a Faith Crisis. In this same survey, eighty percent said the Church does not address spiritual issues that are most important to them. Their longing for meaning goes beyond sitting through boring or repetitive talks and classes. People in a faith crisis are deciding what they believe and how to make peace with what they no longer believe. They are asking themselves who they can trust, where do they belong, how to raise their children, what does it mean for their temple covenants? Where can people talk about these topics?
Ostler plants a bold quote in the middle of this chapter, from Rabbi Abraham Heschel (1955):
“It is customary to blame secular science and anti-religious philosophy for the eclipse of religion in modern society. It would be more honest to blame religion for its own defeats. Religion declined not because it was refuted, but because it became irrelevant, dull, oppressive, insipid. When faith is completely replaced by creed, worship by discipline, love by habit; when the crisis of today is ignored because of the splendor of the past; when faith becomes an heirloom rather than a living foundation; when religion speaks only in the name of authority rather than with the voice of compassion—its message becomes meaningless.”
Ostler then explains how to walk the walk rather than just talking about issues.
In section 3 “Ministering,” Ostler moves the conversation on ministering from motivational to ability-focused. He encourages listening skills and notes there have been few talks on this subject in recent years. He offers leading questions that invite people to share their experiences. He recommends that the listener really listen without thinking about what to say next. His suggestions are good.
He discourages labeling others, turning conversations back to ourselves, preaching, offering unsolicited advice, judging, manipulating and gaslighting.
He recommends ways to create a loving relationship through Christ-like empathy, building positivity in relationships, validating the other person by accepting and respecting their own experiences. He suggests phrases that can be used during conversations that demonstrate an openness and willingness to engage in dialogue.
Ostler encourages us to consider within each ward there are members who are in a faith crisis and have not shared their experiences openly. He uses an example of a couple who met with their bishop for tithing settlement and shared with him that they no longer believed and were leaving the church. The bishop had no idea prior to that meeting.
How can a ward effectively minister to each other if the ward culture does not allow for true expression of thought and feeling?
Ostler cites possible ways to address faith challenges such as an introduction to the Gospel Topic Essays, Special 5th Sunday meetings to address challenges, separate Sunday School classes to discuss difficult topics, special callings to help leaders support members in a faith crisis, focused discussions in ward council etc. In this Local Leader Survey he asked if any of these things were taking place. In general these things were not happening.
Ostler calls for a welcoming atmosphere and inclusivity. There is a section titled, “Being Inclusive in Church Classes.” He begins by citing George Orwell’s 1984 and the concept of “thought-crimes.” He encourages us not to police each other’s opinions. He shares several first hand experiences of policing he has witnessed. His interviews confirm that people felt policed at church, which for some, inhibited their ability to freely participate.
In Bridges Ostler goes as far as he can go while still being a committed member. In his interviews Ostler shares he has 6 adult children, some of whom no longer believe as they once did. He says nothing can separate him from his children. He wants everyone’s children to feel love and belonging. His goal with this book and his many interviews is to effect change at the local level and within families. and isn’t that how all good things come about?
If our intention is to create positive change in our wards and stakes I encourage you to read this book or listen to a podcast or two and then forward the book or podcast link to members in your circle of influence and encourage them to do the same.
The intended audience for this book is active, practicing members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. His intentions are for believing members to understand people that question or no longer believe specific doctrines or truth claims of the church; to explain why people question and why they leave the church; to build a bridge between active believing members and those that are less orthodox; to educate leadership at the local level–in wards and stakes–so that people in crisis can be loved and respected and ministered to by people who understand what they are going through. I feel his sincerity in the written word and through the interviews. He is someone that ‘gets it’ and wants to help.
Ostler has served in multiple leadership callings within the church. In recent years he and his wife Rachelle were called to minister to members of their local area that were no longer attending church. They began by reaching out to people via mail and email, asking them to explain why they were not attending. From there he developed two surveys, one for members in leadership positions and one for members who identify as being in a faith crisis. He conducted focus groups and one-on-one interviews with multiple people. He began disseminating his findings locally, which ultimately lead to the publication of his book.
Bridges is organized in a way that explains why and how he conducted his research, and presents the findings. The last few chapters focus on what to do with this information going forward.
There are three sections:
Section 1: A Crisis of Faith
Section 2: Trust, Belonging and Meaning
Section 3: Ministering
In Section 1 Ostler does a good job of explaining what a faith crisis is and why it is more common now than in days past. He discusses the changing society’s effect on belief, highlighting the millennial generation. He discusses a lack of trust, advanced technology, the decreasing “switching costs” associated with changing one’s views on marriage, jobs, political parties and religious affiliation. Ostler quotes President Ballard from a CES address advising teachers to be informed and not avoid tough questions from students.
In the chapter titled, “Why People Leave” he discusses the following topics in some detail:
Church History
Church LGBTQ Policies and Practices
Unequal Gender Roles
Feelings of Judgement and Anxiety at Church
Concern about Prophetic Leadership and Revelation
Cultural and Language Issues
Political Conservatism
Mental and Emotional Challenges
Unique Millennial Issues
He encourages readers to reconsider some commonly held assumptions about people who struggle. He cites data from the surveys regarding the faith crisis members. The majority were keeping all the commandments, reading the scriptures, attending church weekly, attending the temple and having meaningful personal prayer at the time of their faith crisis. He concludes the chapter with a call to establish “…faithful avenues for people to discuss challenging issues with other Latter-Day Saints who know about the topics.”
In a chapter, “Confronting Today’s Challenges of Faith,” Ostler make direct recommendations to Study church history including the Gospel Topic Essays and to focus on Jesus Christ. He makes a plea to acknowledge that church leaders make mistakes and have some compassion for them and the callings they bear. Ostler wheels out the “truth cart,” a metaphor introduced by Patrick Mason. He encourages us to examine what is in our truth cart and what does not need to be there. Several of his podcast interviews went deeper in this conversation. He was asked if the “truth cart” was the same as “Cafeteria Mormons.” Ostler explained the “truth cart” as believing that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and Savior. Items that didn’t need to be in the ‘truth cart” were the historicity of Jonah actually being swallowed by a whale, or the flood literally covering the entire earth, or Job being a real person vs a mythical figure. When he was pushed further to distinguish between ‘truth cart” and Cafeteria Mormon” Ostler stated he could see how they might look like the same thing but he saw a difference. His point was the “truth cart” can be limited to a few certain things.
In the chapter, “How Faith Changes,” Ostler introduces the concepts of faith development and changing paradigm shifts that occur in some people as they experience life’s challenges. He explained Fowler’s Stages of Faith Development focusing on stages 3 (strong, literal faith) and 4 (questioning, deconstructing belief). Ostler discusses “The Dark Night of the Soul,”a term frequently used to describe people in a faith crisis when they experience the absence of God, friends and support. He concludes the chapter with a call to minister to those in crisis. He acknowledges it is difficult for those in Stage 3 to understand what is like to be in Stage 4, which is ultimately why he has written this book.
Section 2 “Trust, Belonging, Meaning” has a chapter dedicated to each of these topics. Ostler’s premise is that if trust, belonging and meaning can be achieved, people will be more inclined to find value in their church affiliation and continue to participate. He shares data from the surveys and interviews that explain how each of these attributes are currently missing for people in a faith crisis. Those of us that are regular readers of The Exponent II blog, magazine and social media sites know these issues all too well.
For example, in the chapter on Meaning, Ostler’s research says the Church doctrines are not spiritually meaningful to 54% of those in a Faith Crisis. In this same survey, eighty percent said the Church does not address spiritual issues that are most important to them. Their longing for meaning goes beyond sitting through boring or repetitive talks and classes. People in a faith crisis are deciding what they believe and how to make peace with what they no longer believe. They are asking themselves who they can trust, where do they belong, how to raise their children, what does it mean for their temple covenants? Where can people talk about these topics?
Ostler plants a bold quote in the middle of this chapter, from Rabbi Abraham Heschel (1955):
“It is customary to blame secular science and anti-religious philosophy for the eclipse of religion in modern society. It would be more honest to blame religion for its own defeats. Religion declined not because it was refuted, but because it became irrelevant, dull, oppressive, insipid. When faith is completely replaced by creed, worship by discipline, love by habit; when the crisis of today is ignored because of the splendor of the past; when faith becomes an heirloom rather than a living foundation; when religion speaks only in the name of authority rather than with the voice of compassion—its message becomes meaningless.”
Ostler then explains how to walk the walk rather than just talking about issues.
In section 3 “Ministering,” Ostler moves the conversation on ministering from motivational to ability-focused. He encourages listening skills and notes there have been few talks on this subject in recent years. He offers leading questions that invite people to share their experiences. He recommends that the listener really listen without thinking about what to say next. His suggestions are good.
He discourages labeling others, turning conversations back to ourselves, preaching, offering unsolicited advice, judging, manipulating and gaslighting.
He recommends ways to create a loving relationship through Christ-like empathy, building positivity in relationships, validating the other person by accepting and respecting their own experiences. He suggests phrases that can be used during conversations that demonstrate an openness and willingness to engage in dialogue.
Ostler encourages us to consider within each ward there are members who are in a faith crisis and have not shared their experiences openly. He uses an example of a couple who met with their bishop for tithing settlement and shared with him that they no longer believed and were leaving the church. The bishop had no idea prior to that meeting.
How can a ward effectively minister to each other if the ward culture does not allow for true expression of thought and feeling?
Ostler cites possible ways to address faith challenges such as an introduction to the Gospel Topic Essays, Special 5th Sunday meetings to address challenges, separate Sunday School classes to discuss difficult topics, special callings to help leaders support members in a faith crisis, focused discussions in ward council etc. In this Local Leader Survey he asked if any of these things were taking place. In general these things were not happening.
Ostler calls for a welcoming atmosphere and inclusivity. There is a section titled, “Being Inclusive in Church Classes.” He begins by citing George Orwell’s 1984 and the concept of “thought-crimes.” He encourages us not to police each other’s opinions. He shares several first hand experiences of policing he has witnessed. His interviews confirm that people felt policed at church, which for some, inhibited their ability to freely participate.
In Bridges Ostler goes as far as he can go while still being a committed member. In his interviews Ostler shares he has 6 adult children, some of whom no longer believe as they once did. He says nothing can separate him from his children. He wants everyone’s children to feel love and belonging. His goal with this book and his many interviews is to effect change at the local level and within families. and isn’t that how all good things come about?
If our intention is to create positive change in our wards and stakes I encourage you to read this book or listen to a podcast or two and then forward the book or podcast link to members in your circle of influence and encourage them to do the same.
January 16, 2023
I can't recommend this book enough for Latter-Day Saints. Specifically those in leadership roles or with family members who question the church's truth claims. There is so much unnecessary pain, offense, and confusion surrounding faith crises. A little more understanding on both sides would go a long way.
October 29, 2021
Full disclosure – Dave Ostler and I served as mission presidents during the same period and we corresponded when he was beginning to formulate his book. If I were a stake president today, I would make sure every bishop, EQ, and RS president received and read this book. We are living in a time of tremendous shifts across all faith traditions. It seems a week doesn’t go by that I hear of another friend or acquaintance who has “taken a sabbatical” from church activity or who's figurative “shelf broke.” It breaks my heart every time. Although, it is a painful time for many it is not new. Church historians refer to the generation that came of age post-WWI as the “lost generation”. It seems we are reliving that cycle.
When we were serving our mission the gospel topic essays were released. Some of the more salacious points such as polygamy were picked up by the foreign press. Around that time, we had missionary interviews. On two successive days, two missionaries related experiences with people that had read the reports. One was troubled, the other was defensive. He told me that a man had approached him on the street and said “Did you know you Joseph Smith was married to a 14-year-old?” The missionary very proudly declared to me that he told the man he was a liar. I explained that it was true. He was shaken badly. Shortly, thereafter we assigned all our missionaries to read the gospel topic essays and at the next zone conference, we talked about the essays and taught a methodology to deal with the “hard” questions. The point of this is that there is not an organization on the planet, especially churches, that doesn’t have some problematic issues. In general, churches don’t do a good job of “inoculating” their adherents by teaching the role of faith, doubt, and ambiguity. As a result, many never have the tools and leave.
Bridges is a tremendous resource for everyone. A good summary could very well be the sign the British used during WWII – KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON. Too often when one has a crisis of faith the well-intentioned actions of others are “worse than the disease.” Dave masterfully addresses with data and wise counsel how to deal with A Crisis of Faith; Trust, Belonging and Meaning; and Ministering. Dave draws on studies, from the Pew Center and LDS scholar Jana Riess, as well as surveys and interviews he’s done with both Church leaders and those who have left the faith.
The book brings out the disconnect between leaders and those who have left the Church. When leaders were asked if the Church provides adequate information to help them deal with others’ faith crises, 53% agreed or strongly agreed. When former members were asked the same question, 99% disagreed. That does not surprise me and enforces the need and value of this book. Dave identifies the most prevalent issues for those that have left: culture of Millennials, Church history, LGBTQ issues, and Women and Priesthood. That aligns exactly with my experience with those that have left.
One particular concern for me that Dave brings out is the hesitancy of some leaders to use the Gospel Topic Essays for fear that they will cause a faith crisis in some. That is wrong-headed. I suppose from personal experience I feel I was somewhat inoculated as a kid. Nothing was off the table in my home. Sunday dinner was a review of all that was taught in church that day. My Dad never hesitated to correct teachings and he had the tools and knowledge to do it. I remember well my dad saying “Brother _________ is a Bircher, and doesn’t know the doctrine.” When I read the Essays the first time there was very little that I had not heard in my home. I recognize my experience may not be common but it shows that greater knowledge even of complicated topics is not the problem but rather the solution.
I applaud the Church’s efforts. Like in so many areas the church sometimes is further ahead than the Church culture is able to process. As Dave says we cannot hide our history or teachings from our members. We can teach it along with the tools to deal with the problematic issues or others will teach it without those tools. Bridges is for every Church leader and parent. It will not guarantee that our family and friends will remain, but it will help to build a “bridge” that will always remain open for those that have left may return. My hat is off to Dave Ostler.
When we were serving our mission the gospel topic essays were released. Some of the more salacious points such as polygamy were picked up by the foreign press. Around that time, we had missionary interviews. On two successive days, two missionaries related experiences with people that had read the reports. One was troubled, the other was defensive. He told me that a man had approached him on the street and said “Did you know you Joseph Smith was married to a 14-year-old?” The missionary very proudly declared to me that he told the man he was a liar. I explained that it was true. He was shaken badly. Shortly, thereafter we assigned all our missionaries to read the gospel topic essays and at the next zone conference, we talked about the essays and taught a methodology to deal with the “hard” questions. The point of this is that there is not an organization on the planet, especially churches, that doesn’t have some problematic issues. In general, churches don’t do a good job of “inoculating” their adherents by teaching the role of faith, doubt, and ambiguity. As a result, many never have the tools and leave.
Bridges is a tremendous resource for everyone. A good summary could very well be the sign the British used during WWII – KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON. Too often when one has a crisis of faith the well-intentioned actions of others are “worse than the disease.” Dave masterfully addresses with data and wise counsel how to deal with A Crisis of Faith; Trust, Belonging and Meaning; and Ministering. Dave draws on studies, from the Pew Center and LDS scholar Jana Riess, as well as surveys and interviews he’s done with both Church leaders and those who have left the faith.
The book brings out the disconnect between leaders and those who have left the Church. When leaders were asked if the Church provides adequate information to help them deal with others’ faith crises, 53% agreed or strongly agreed. When former members were asked the same question, 99% disagreed. That does not surprise me and enforces the need and value of this book. Dave identifies the most prevalent issues for those that have left: culture of Millennials, Church history, LGBTQ issues, and Women and Priesthood. That aligns exactly with my experience with those that have left.
One particular concern for me that Dave brings out is the hesitancy of some leaders to use the Gospel Topic Essays for fear that they will cause a faith crisis in some. That is wrong-headed. I suppose from personal experience I feel I was somewhat inoculated as a kid. Nothing was off the table in my home. Sunday dinner was a review of all that was taught in church that day. My Dad never hesitated to correct teachings and he had the tools and knowledge to do it. I remember well my dad saying “Brother _________ is a Bircher, and doesn’t know the doctrine.” When I read the Essays the first time there was very little that I had not heard in my home. I recognize my experience may not be common but it shows that greater knowledge even of complicated topics is not the problem but rather the solution.
I applaud the Church’s efforts. Like in so many areas the church sometimes is further ahead than the Church culture is able to process. As Dave says we cannot hide our history or teachings from our members. We can teach it along with the tools to deal with the problematic issues or others will teach it without those tools. Bridges is for every Church leader and parent. It will not guarantee that our family and friends will remain, but it will help to build a “bridge” that will always remain open for those that have left may return. My hat is off to Dave Ostler.
July 3, 2021
I’ve got mixed thoughts after reading this book. It’s one of the better books in capturing how to reach out to and understand those who question their faith. I don’t know that it added anything new to what I’ve read, thought, experienced in the past. So if you’re wondering how to help those struggle with faith, this may be a good book for you.
However, I found myself wondering, where is this book’s companion? The one that speaks to those who question about how to build and maintain relationship with those who may have already worked through their faith or who are simply just believers. Relationships take listening on both sides. They require empathy on both sides. They require mutual respect. I’ve found occasions where believers will listen for hours and hours about all the problems with their beliefs and why the other person no longer believes. Then the former believer feigns a willingness to listen to the other person or is just waiting to debate. Yes, this book rightly points out how believers can dismiss the concerns of non-believers. But what about the other way. Certainly, one could say that everything Ostler encourages believers to do equally applies to non-believers. That seems to me a weak and invalidating response.
The title of this book is “Bridges.” I guess I ended feeling Ostler believes those bridges must be built by one side. I think healthy relationships require equal engagement. I acknowledge Ostler isn’t the only one promoting this perspective. But I think we need to require more from both believers and those questioning belief.
However, I found myself wondering, where is this book’s companion? The one that speaks to those who question about how to build and maintain relationship with those who may have already worked through their faith or who are simply just believers. Relationships take listening on both sides. They require empathy on both sides. They require mutual respect. I’ve found occasions where believers will listen for hours and hours about all the problems with their beliefs and why the other person no longer believes. Then the former believer feigns a willingness to listen to the other person or is just waiting to debate. Yes, this book rightly points out how believers can dismiss the concerns of non-believers. But what about the other way. Certainly, one could say that everything Ostler encourages believers to do equally applies to non-believers. That seems to me a weak and invalidating response.
The title of this book is “Bridges.” I guess I ended feeling Ostler believes those bridges must be built by one side. I think healthy relationships require equal engagement. I acknowledge Ostler isn’t the only one promoting this perspective. But I think we need to require more from both believers and those questioning belief.
July 24, 2019
This book has been a very educational and corrective experience, while reading it I recognized with shame the mistakes I made when trying to help our fellow men who suffer "Crisis of Faith" (or any kind of problem). The data, surveys, statistics and analysis thereof are excellent and provide a new perspective for the reader. David B. Ostler has not only written an excellent book on how to create and maintain bridges in our interpersonal relationships with loved ones, friends or family who have stopped believing or have doubts, but has also developed a useful tool for every leader who according to the surveys and the data presented in this book, are not trained to face these difficulties or simply do not know where to go in search of those tools. Fully recommended, I will surely continue to use the information contained in it in the future under the eternal principle that love, charity, goodness and hope should always be our greatest characteristics with those we minister to and the correct way to build bridges and no matter how strong or entrenched our beliefs are, criticism, lecture and judging only creates gaps and pain that may be insurmountable for those in need.
September 19, 2019
To my LDS friends, please, please read this book. Church member, David Ostler, writes about information he gathered from surveys and interviews while serving in the single adult program in the Washington DC area. He spent hours of time talking with those who are disaffected from the church and active, local leaders in the church about why people leave. I learned from the information he gathered that many of my long-held assumptions were wrong. The book provides valuable information on how to minister to, support, and love those who have doubts or questions or find the need to step out altogether.
I have a copy I’m willing to loan out if anyone wants to borrow it.
I have a copy I’m willing to loan out if anyone wants to borrow it.
August 1, 2019
I got this book as a review copy and it is absolutely phenomenal. I am not LDS. This book was written by an LDS member for members of the LDS church when they are struggling with their faith. The author dispels the myths of why people leave the LDS church. He also gives amazing in sights on what people need when struggling with a faith crisis.
I do not believe the LDS church to be what it claims to be as the only true church; however, I do love how Ostler gives ways on how the LDS Church can move in a better direction.
I do not believe the LDS church to be what it claims to be as the only true church; however, I do love how Ostler gives ways on how the LDS Church can move in a better direction.
September 20, 2019
I left the church over a year ago. Being one of "those who question" has been a terrible dehumanizing experience. This book is a terrific resource written for faithful members, by a faithful Mormon author.
This book is an honest, sincere, and well crafted approach for building and maintaining meaningful relationships with those who are experiencing a crisis of faith.
As a former member, I read this book knowing that it wasn't written for me, but I highly recommend it to believing members of the LDS church.
This book is an honest, sincere, and well crafted approach for building and maintaining meaningful relationships with those who are experiencing a crisis of faith.
As a former member, I read this book knowing that it wasn't written for me, but I highly recommend it to believing members of the LDS church.
September 23, 2019
This book eloquently discusses the need, for us all, to develop compassion, listen empathetically and to maintain positive relationships with those who have questions and doubts in the LDS faith community. The book is written with authenticity and vulnerability and I especially appreciated the personal stories the author included. I would recommend this to every LDS leader.
Full disclosure: I am the author's daughter :)
Full disclosure: I am the author's daughter :)
November 3, 2019
Great views and information on the topic of faith crisis - whether your own or someone you know - you may not even be aware that you know someone that is struggling.
In an age where we are evermore aware of and concerned with the struggles and emotional battles of those around us this is a great reference on how to be aware, respond and understand.
It gave me much to think about and examine how I respond to or think of others as well as introspect.
In an age where we are evermore aware of and concerned with the struggles and emotional battles of those around us this is a great reference on how to be aware, respond and understand.
It gave me much to think about and examine how I respond to or think of others as well as introspect.
November 24, 2019
This book was an excellent summary of the real experience of what it's like to ask hard questions as a Latter-day Saint and how to best minister to someone who is doing so. The answer, in brief, is love, of course, but the author gives some excellent examples of what that looks like and what it definitely doesn't look like. I recommend this not only to all Latter-day Saints, but to anyone with a loved one experiencing a faith crisis.
December 10, 2019
One of the most impactful books I’ve read this year. Full of important perspectives and suggestions for how to minister with Christlike love to everyone.
December 6, 2020
This book helped me to see things in a different light and to better understand what people go through when they experience a faith crisis or faith transition. Over the past few years I have learned a lot about it first hand from my husband, but it took reading Mike's experience of the 'dark night of the soul' to really grasp the emotion and struggle this can be for those going through it. It didn't occur to me that those who question and wrestle with their faith often incur a loss because they can no longer go back to believing how they once did. I think for a long time I was under the common misperception that they were simply choosing something more enticing over the Church or the Gospel and therefore it didn't seem like one would feel much loss. I hope what I have learned and experienced will help me to be more empathetic, less judgmental and simply love people for who they are. I like the last chapter about ministering and thought the author gave some good suggestions. I really enjoyed the conclusion "Not Walking Alone". It was a brilliant end to the book.
July 25, 2022
This was a book Paulie recommended and I thought it had a lot of good points. It was a book simply meant to help people understand why others choose to leave the Mormon church and to be sensitive about it--loving, accepting, nonjudgmental, etc. Don't make assumptions. Be a good listener. All of us should be our authentic and honest selves. We shouldn't have to change or hide who we really are to fit in. The author is trying to say we all "belong." In our families, in or out of the church, etc. There was a lot more than that but of course I can't remember. I hope that I'm already the type of person who accepts others as they are. And I try to be authentic and want others to be also.
September 30, 2020
A book worthy to become part of "the handbook." Ostler describes how we can change our church, culture and selves into a hospital for souls, instead of a museum for saints. He teaches how we can listen to and love our neighbor by ministering, not saving them. A good book for all Latter Day Saints.
November 8, 2020
This is an important book about how to create a culture of love, understanding, and acceptance for all levels of belief. The research is eye-opening and important, the experiences he shares help elicit empathy and understanding, and his perspective and insights are essential for getting us where we need to be. I love the thought that true ministering is a two-way exchange of love and understanding...that when we give people our attention, time, and empathy, we are becoming better versions of ourselves.
August 21, 2024
3.5 ⭐️ rounded up
Richard Ostler sets out to break the paradigms surrounding those who leave the church and I think he did it really well. The assumption one may have about a book with this title is that it is about how to minister to your friend/family member to get them back to church. In reality the message was, listen to them, love them, respect their decision, and let it be. It’s more about changing the “stayer” than the “leaver.” Change we need to see.
Richard Ostler sets out to break the paradigms surrounding those who leave the church and I think he did it really well. The assumption one may have about a book with this title is that it is about how to minister to your friend/family member to get them back to church. In reality the message was, listen to them, love them, respect their decision, and let it be. It’s more about changing the “stayer” than the “leaver.” Change we need to see.
October 11, 2021
This was one of my favorites of 2021. Very timely for my life and this time.
January 20, 2026
I found this book practical, helpful, and empathetic. It’s the “anatomy of peace” for faith crises and I can’t recommend enough. Thank you David Ostler for your work! I will be gifting this to others ❤️
September 18, 2019
I grew up in a little Italian neighbourhood in New York. When I was in primary school, every Friday was “pizza day” at school. In addition to standard cafeteria fare and milk for purchase, there was pizza. Italian neighbourhood pizza. Square slices of thick bread slathered with the most decadent tomato-based sauce, and topped with just a sprinkling of parmesan cheese. These were served at room at room temperature (it would be a sin to warm them!) and they were delicious!
Even now, whenever I visit New York, I seek out those very basic slices. They remind me of childhood simplicity. I also grew up with more traditional style pizza—hot from the oven, loads of meats and cheeses, always cut into a triangle wedge from a circle crust. My teen years met with Pizza hut’s green peppers and onions, and when I went to school in Utah, I was introduced to Canadian bacon as a topping… and pineapple (what?). In Australia, I had pizza barbeque sauce, topped with egg and shredded ham, and in France, camembert made a lovely addition to my hand-held pie.
No matter where I went, this was all pizza. No one called it by any other name, though when I described my childhood pie, I was often met with strange looks, sometimes mocking, and... on one very memorable occasion, a dear friend tried to recreate my verbal description. Because my childhood pie was not even a little bit similar to most pizzas I found in my travels, I often said I didn’t like pizza, but I could tolerate it, even the ones with jalapenos (seriously?). But on one visit to my hometown, I found myself eagerly visiting numerous pizza shops… Tony's Pizza, Cavallos, Carmella's and even the corner store that sold newspapers-- and pizza. This caused me to realize that my proclaimed dislike of pizza wasn’t true: I like pizza. But the pizza pie that worked for me, didn’t always make sense to others. It wasn’t their comprehension of pizza because it was square, served cold, and might even not have anything but tomato sauce on top. But it was still my favourite, even though others doubted this pizza could be even called pizza.
That is a lay description of what Bridges: Ministering to Those Who Question, taught me: It’s okay to have different ideas, and questions, and still be called members on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. From the intro to the final word, I felt the love of the author. In fact, I felt the spirit as soon as I began reading.
To be completely honest, I have not attended church regularly in a while. So I thought that this book might be something used on me, rather than something for me. But I was wrong. I was oddly relieved to learn that faith crises “are being discussed only rarely.” (page 129) It meant that I was not alone, nor was my ward alone in ignoring the elephant in the room.
And just like the pizza police might see my pie choice as bizarre and wrong, the author David B. Ostler addresses the hurtful practice of “policing” atypical comments and scriptural interpretations at church. This “policing” is manifested when someone declares that one who offers a different idea is absolutely wrong. This forces the different thinker to become personally muted, and feel as though they can’t “authentically participate” in church discussion. (134) Ostler shares ways in which discussions can be open for all to feel safe, and to share, even when they are atypical, or even when individuals share things such as struggling with the temple, struggling with church policy or even doubting doctrine.
Ostler further reminds us that even those who have left the church are loved by their Heavenly Parents; that perfection is not for this life, but that love, and the love we offer to others is for the here and now. In other words, Ostler has made a delicious batch of pizza dough, created a huge table for us to all sit at, and invited us to make a space where all will feel safe to share, and be well fed.
This is truly a beautiful book, one that resonated with me deeply. I plan to purchase a copy for my ward’s library (yay, $20.95 Amazon!), and have already recommended it to the members of my ward who dared to try and minister to little ‘ol less active me. So grab the book and a slice of pizza, and dig in!
Even now, whenever I visit New York, I seek out those very basic slices. They remind me of childhood simplicity. I also grew up with more traditional style pizza—hot from the oven, loads of meats and cheeses, always cut into a triangle wedge from a circle crust. My teen years met with Pizza hut’s green peppers and onions, and when I went to school in Utah, I was introduced to Canadian bacon as a topping… and pineapple (what?). In Australia, I had pizza barbeque sauce, topped with egg and shredded ham, and in France, camembert made a lovely addition to my hand-held pie.
No matter where I went, this was all pizza. No one called it by any other name, though when I described my childhood pie, I was often met with strange looks, sometimes mocking, and... on one very memorable occasion, a dear friend tried to recreate my verbal description. Because my childhood pie was not even a little bit similar to most pizzas I found in my travels, I often said I didn’t like pizza, but I could tolerate it, even the ones with jalapenos (seriously?). But on one visit to my hometown, I found myself eagerly visiting numerous pizza shops… Tony's Pizza, Cavallos, Carmella's and even the corner store that sold newspapers-- and pizza. This caused me to realize that my proclaimed dislike of pizza wasn’t true: I like pizza. But the pizza pie that worked for me, didn’t always make sense to others. It wasn’t their comprehension of pizza because it was square, served cold, and might even not have anything but tomato sauce on top. But it was still my favourite, even though others doubted this pizza could be even called pizza.
That is a lay description of what Bridges: Ministering to Those Who Question, taught me: It’s okay to have different ideas, and questions, and still be called members on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. From the intro to the final word, I felt the love of the author. In fact, I felt the spirit as soon as I began reading.
To be completely honest, I have not attended church regularly in a while. So I thought that this book might be something used on me, rather than something for me. But I was wrong. I was oddly relieved to learn that faith crises “are being discussed only rarely.” (page 129) It meant that I was not alone, nor was my ward alone in ignoring the elephant in the room.
And just like the pizza police might see my pie choice as bizarre and wrong, the author David B. Ostler addresses the hurtful practice of “policing” atypical comments and scriptural interpretations at church. This “policing” is manifested when someone declares that one who offers a different idea is absolutely wrong. This forces the different thinker to become personally muted, and feel as though they can’t “authentically participate” in church discussion. (134) Ostler shares ways in which discussions can be open for all to feel safe, and to share, even when they are atypical, or even when individuals share things such as struggling with the temple, struggling with church policy or even doubting doctrine.
Ostler further reminds us that even those who have left the church are loved by their Heavenly Parents; that perfection is not for this life, but that love, and the love we offer to others is for the here and now. In other words, Ostler has made a delicious batch of pizza dough, created a huge table for us to all sit at, and invited us to make a space where all will feel safe to share, and be well fed.
This is truly a beautiful book, one that resonated with me deeply. I plan to purchase a copy for my ward’s library (yay, $20.95 Amazon!), and have already recommended it to the members of my ward who dared to try and minister to little ‘ol less active me. So grab the book and a slice of pizza, and dig in!
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