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She/He/They/Them: Understanding Gender Identity
She/he/they/them. Why do we use gender pronouns? And why do some people wish to be referred to as "they"? What is gender identity all about? Students will learn to understand these terms and the reasons behind them. They will also learn how to deal with questions they may have about gender identity.
- GenresLGBTGenderNonfiction
64 pages, Paperback
Published February 1, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
May 29, 2021
This is a pretty short book of 64 pages with the main text being even shorter. The six chapters discuss how gender issues have caught the public eye, what is gender identity, the non-binary versus the binary, gender expression, gender roles and norms, and advocacy. It has short section on doing gender advocacy, a small glossary, and some additional resources.
I have only one comment based on the author’s “Gender Lexicon” on page 7. The author leaves out agender.
What is written is actually pretty good. It was just far too short. Because of its length I hesitate giving it 4 stars.
Despite its short length I could recommend the book as a brief look into the gender issues of today. If, however, you want to get a better understanding there are other more informative books.
I have only one comment based on the author’s “Gender Lexicon” on page 7. The author leaves out agender.
What is written is actually pretty good. It was just far too short. Because of its length I hesitate giving it 4 stars.
Despite its short length I could recommend the book as a brief look into the gender issues of today. If, however, you want to get a better understanding there are other more informative books.
October 12, 2026
In grammar, pronouns are words used as substitutes for nouns or noun phrases to avoid repetitive language (e.g., using "she" instead of repeating a person's name).
In the context of gender identity—as discussed in Rebecca Stanborough’s book She/He/They/Them: Understanding Gender Identity—pronouns refer specifically to personal pronouns used to refer to someone when speaking or writing about them. Federal civil rights law prohibits discrimination based on sex in education programs receiving federal financial assistance. The U.S. Department of Education interprets Title IX to cover harassment and discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.
•
Think of nonbinary as an umbrella, genderqueer as a mindset or political identity, and agender as a specific point on the spectrum where gender is absent or neutral.
Core Distinctions
| Identity | Primary Meaning | Relationship to Gender |
|---|---|---|
| Nonbinary | An umbrella term for any identity that isn't strictly male or female. | Structural: Broad classification encompassing many diverse identities. |
| Genderqueer | An identity that explicitly subverts, blurs, or challenges traditional gender norms. | Political / Expressive: Emphasizes non-conformity, fluidity, or living outside norms. |
| Agender | Identifying as having no gender, neutral gender, or an absence of gender identity. | Specific: Experience of being genderless or unattached to gender. |
1. Nonbinary (The Umbrella)
* Definition: An umbrella term for any gender identity that does not fit neatly into the binary options of exclusively male or female.
* Scope: A person who is nonbinary might feel like a combination of genders, a fluid gender, a distinct third gender, or no gender at all.
* Relationship to the others: Both agender and genderqueer can fall under the nonbinary umbrella, though not everyone who uses those terms chooses to call themselves nonbinary.
2. Genderqueer (The Subversion)
* Definition: A term for individuals whose gender identity or expression falls outside conventional societal expectations, often deliberately challenging or blurring binary gender boundaries.
* Historical Context: Originating in the 1990s queer activist movement, "genderqueer" carries a strong connotation of social or political non-conformity.
* Focus: While nonbinary often describes internal identity, genderqueer frequently emphasizes how a person navigates, rejects, or plays with societal gender expectations.
3. Agender (The Absence of Gender)
* Definition: Literally meaning "without gender," agender describes someone who experiences an absence of gender identity, feels gender-neutral, or does not connect with the concept of gender for themselves.
* Experience: While a nonbinary person might feel like their gender moves between points or exists as a new point entirely, an agender person generally experiences a complete lack of internal gender alignment.
How They Overlap
Because personal identity is self-determined, these terms are not mutually exclusive:
* Someone might describe themselves as nonbinary to quickly explain their identity to others, agender to describe their specific internal feeling of having no gender, and genderqueer to describe their political stance against binary gender roles.
* Others might choose just one of these terms because it feels like the most accurate fit for their personal experience.
•
Cisgender and nongender (more commonly referred to as agender or nonbinary) are two fundamentally different ways of describing a person's relationship to gender.
Key Distinctions
| Feature | Cisgender | Nongender (Agender) |
|---|---|---|
| Core Meaning | Gender identity matches sex assigned at birth | Absence of a gender identity, or identifying as genderless |
| Origin / Prefix | Cis- ("on the same side as") | Non- ("not") or A- ("without") |
| Example Experience | Assigned female at birth and internally identifies as a woman | Does not feel like a man, woman, or any particular gender category |
| Common Pronouns | Typically she/her or he/him | Often they/them, neopronouns, or any/all pronouns |
1. Cisgender
* Definition: A term for someone whose internal sense of gender aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth.
* Context: If a doctor assigned someone female at birth, and as they grow up they identify as a woman, that person is cisgender.
* Etymology: The Latin prefix cis- means "on the same side of" (the opposite of trans-, which means "across" or "on the other side of").
2. Nongender (Agender)
* Definition: A term for someone who does not identify with any gender, experiences an absence of gender identity, or feels entirely neutral/detached from the concept of gender altogether.
* Terminology Note: While "nongender" is easily understood, the term most frequently used in gender studies, LGBTQ+ advocacy, and everyday literature is agender.
* Spectrum Context: Nongender/agender falls under the broader nonbinary umbrella (people who do not fit strictly into the traditional binary categories of "man" or "woman").
How They Compare on the Spectrum
[ Cisgender ] <---------------------------------------------> [ Nongender / Agender ]
Identifies fully with assigned birth sex Identifies without/outside gender entirely
* Cisgender is about alignment with one's assigned sex at birth.
* Nongender / Agender is about absence of or detachment from gender identity.
The Gender Unicorn is an educational diagram created by Trans Student Educational Resources (TSER) to illustrate the distinct dimensions of human gender, sex, and attraction.
Designed by Landyn Pan and Anna Moore, it updated earlier models (like "The Genderbread Person") by moving away from binary spectrums (either/or) and instead using independent spectrums that allow someone to rate high, low, or anywhere in between across multiple categories simultaneously.
* Independent Variables: It decouples identity from expression, biological sex, and sexual orientation. For instance, a person can identify as a woman while presenting masculinely, or be assigned male at birth while identifying as nonbinary.
* Non-Binary Spectrums: Older models often placed "Man" on one end of a single line and "Woman" on the other, implying that being more masculine meant being less feminine. The Gender Unicorn provides separate sliding scales for female/feminine, male/masculine, and other genders.
* Splitting Physical & Emotional Attraction: By distinguishing between physical and emotional/romantic attraction, it accommodates split-attraction experiences (e.g., someone who is asexual but biromantic).
Deadnaming refers to the act of using a transgender, nonbinary, or gender-diverse person's former name (often called their "deadname") without their consent, rather than their chosen name.
* Impact: For many transgender and nonbinary individuals, being deadnamed can cause distress, dysphoria, or feelings of invalidation. In public or professional settings, it can also inadvertently "out" someone's transgender status to others without their consent, which can raise safety or privacy concerns.
* The Netherlands: Amsterdam UMC continues to provide multidisciplinary endocrinological and psychological care, though wait times remain long due to high demand.
* International Adjustments: Countries like the UK (following the Cass Review), Sweden, and Finland have revised their guidance regarding adolescent hormone protocols, emphasizing caution and favoring psychological support prior to medical initiation, while WPATH guidelines (SOC 8) continue to advocate for individualized care paths.
This asymmetry highlights a key concept in sociology and gender studies: the asymmetrical valuation of gender performance.
Key Factors Behind the Asymmetry
* Patriarchal Value Hierarchy: In traditional gender hierarchies, traits and clothing associated with masculinity are socialized as status symbols (strength, leadership, practicality), while traits associated with femininity have historically been devalued or relegated to the private sphere. When a woman moves toward "masculine" standards, society sees it as an upward move toward authority; when a man moves toward "feminine" standards, society often misinterprets it as a loss of status or strength.
* The "One-Way" Gender Transition: Over the last century, women's gender roles expanded significantly—women gained access to male-dominated careers, sports, and attire. However, men's gender roles remained comparatively rigid. A man stepping outside conventional masculinity often faces stronger social enforcement to "stay in line."
* Equating Femininity with Fragility: Cultural tropes have long linked femininity to softness or weakness, while linking masculinity to hardness and utility. Therefore, a dress on a male body is often perceived through the lens of vulnerability rather than a stylistic or self-expressive choice.
* Homophobia and Gender Non-Conformity: Historically, a man wearing a dress has been conflated with a rejection of traditional heterosexual norms, leading to social pushback rooted in homophobia or transphobia.
* Modern High Fashion & Pop Culture: High-profile figures (such as Harry Styles, Billy Porter, and Young Thug) and fashion houses regularly feature skirts and dresses for men, framing them as bold, artistic, and confident rather than weak.
* Cross-Cultural History: Historically and globally, unbifurcated garments (like kilts, sarongs, kaftans, and tunics) have been worn by men across many cultures as symbols of status, warrior strength, and dignity, demonstrating that the association of dresses strictly with female weakness is a specific modern Western construct.
1. Boys and Emotional Suppression
* The "Man Box": From a young age, boys are often conditioned through phrases like "man up" or "boys don't cry." This pressures them to hide vulnerability, fear, or sadness, sanctioning anger or stoicism as the only socially acceptable emotional responses.
* Psychological Cost: Developmental psychologists note that this can lead to normative male alexithymia—a difficulty in identifying and articulating emotions—which increases feelings of isolation and hinders relational intimacy later in life.
2. Girls and Prescribed Passivity
* Social Conditioning: Girls are frequently praised for being "good," "quiet," "polite," or "helpful," while assertive behaviors in young girls are sometimes labeled as "bossy" or "aggressive."
* Psychological Cost: Over time, this conditions girls to prioritize harmony over advocacy, often making it harder to set boundaries, negotiate assertively, or take space in professional and academic settings.
Broader Societal Realization
Modern developmental psychology and feminist theory emphasize that these rigid expectations harm individuals across the spectrum:
* De-gendering Human Traits: Emotional intelligence, vulnerability, assertiveness, and leadership are human capabilities, not gender-specific traits.
* Shifting Frameworks: Contemporary parenting, educational models, and emotional literacy programs focus on teaching boys that vulnerability is a strength, while encouraging girls to cultivate agency and self-advocacy.
Religious and theological perspectives on gender nonconformity vary widely across different faiths, denominations, and cultural traditions, ranging from traditional doctrines to affirming, inclusive interpretations.
Key Theological & Cultural Frameworks
1. Traditional and Conservative Perspectives
In many traditional branches of Abrahamic religions (such as orthodox or conservative Christian, Islamic, and Jewish theology), gender roles and biological sex are often viewed as intrinsically linked and created by God with intentional binary roles (frequently citing texts like Genesis 1:27, "male and female he created them").
In these traditions, deliberate deviation from normative gender roles, expression, or biological sex is sometimes viewed as a departure from divine design. Depending on the specific theology, non-conformity may be framed as a spiritual struggle or contrary to moral teachings.
2. Inclusive and Affirming Theological Movements
Many mainstream and progressive religious communities interpret sacred texts differently, emphasizing love, compassion, and divine intentionality in human diversity:
* In Christianity: Progressive denominations (such as the Episcopal Church, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, and the United Church of Christ) affirm transgender and gender-nonconforming individuals. Many theologians argue that God's creation encompasses a diverse spectrum of human experience and that divine love is unconditional.
* In Judaism: Reform, Conservative, and Reconstructionist movements widely affirm gender diversity. Rabbinic literature itself historically recognizes multiple gender categories beyond a strict binary (such as Tumtum and Androgynos in the Talmud).
* In Eastern Traditions: Traditions within Hinduism, Buddhism, and various Indigenous religions historically recognize third-gender roles, gender fluidity, or spiritual significance attached to individuals who transcend traditional binary gender roles.
3. Interfaith and Pastoral Approaches
Many spiritual leaders and pastoral counselors advocate focusing on core religious tenets—such as empathy, justice, and the inherent dignity of all human beings—rather than condemning individuals based on identity or expression.
•
Because the military operates as both a large-scale healthcare system and a disciplined fighting force, its health policies sit at the intersection of medical science, institutional policy, and national defense.
Here is a breakdown of what this means across three primary dimensions:
1. The Dynamic Policy Landscape (Recent Shifts)
Over the past decade, policies regarding transgender service members and medical access have shifted significantly across different political administrations:
* 2016 (Open Service Policy): The U.S. Department of Defense under the Obama administration formally lifted restrictions on open service, allowing transgender personnel to serve openly and access medically necessary gender-affirming care (including hormone therapy and surgeries) through military healthcare systems (Tricare).
* 2019 (Accession & Medical Restrictions): The Trump administration implemented policy revisions that generally restricted individuals with a diagnosis of gender dysphoria from enlisting or serving under their self-identified gender unless they served under their assigned birth sex and did not require medical transition.
* 2021–Present (Reinstatement & Standardized Care): The Biden administration repealed those restrictions, re-establishing open service and reaffirming access to gender-affirming health care, hormone therapy, and transition-related medical plans for active service members.
* Medical Readiness & Deployability: Service members must meet physical and medical standards to deploy globally. When starting hormone therapy or recovering from surgical procedures, service members are placed on temporary non-deployable medical status until their medical treatment plan stabilizes.
* Logistics in Austere Environments: Military medicine must account for continuous treatment needs—such as regular hormone administration and ongoing lab monitoring—when personnel deploy to remote or combat settings.
3. Why Military Healthcare Is a Central Arena
Military healthcare often becomes a focal point in broader societal discussions for several structural reasons:
* Single-Payer Employer System: Unlike civilian healthcare in the U.S., the military acts as a self-contained, federally managed healthcare provider. Policy decisions made at the Pentagon immediately establish standard care guidelines for over a million active-duty personnel.
* Precedent and Standard Setting: Historical shifts in military healthcare—such as integrating racial minorities, expanding combat casualty roles for women, or establishing trauma protocols—often set broader public policy precedents.
* Standard of Care Benchmarks: Military endocrinologists and mental health professionals rely on guidance from civilian medical authorities (such as the Endocrine Society and WPATH). How the military operationalizes these clinical standards serves as a case study for large-scale institutional healthcare systems worldwide.
•
Transgender individuals—particularly Black and brown trans women and sex workers—have faced severe, disproportionate levels of violence, harassment, and murder for decades. This violence is not a sudden invention; it has long been an under-acknowledged crisis.
However, the reason people talk about a "rise" in recent years involves two distinct realities: historical invisibility versus recent statistical tracking, and a surge in anti-trans legislative and cultural hostility. For a very long time, transgender homicide victims were routinely misgendered by law enforcement, media outlets, and official records (often deadnamed and recorded under their assigned birth sex). As advocacy organizations (like the Human Rights Campaign) and specialized journalists began meticulously tracking these cases, the sheer volume of violence became harder to ignore or bury. The numbers look higher partly because we are finally counting more accurately. In recent years, anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric, state-level legislation targeting gender-affirming care, and public moral panics have surged. Sociologists and civil rights advocates point out that when marginalized groups are heavily politicized and demonized in public discourse, it creates a permissive social climate that can embolden perpetrators and escalate real-world harassment into physical violence. Systemic discrimination in housing, healthcare, and traditional employment forces many trans individuals—especially trans women of color—into survival sex work, where they face heightened risks of predatory violence with little legal protection or recourse. Because law enforcement has historically mistreated or ignored transgender people, victims of violence often hesitate to report crimes, leaving perpetrators unaccountable and fostering a culture of impunity.
The violence has deep historical roots; what has changed is both our awareness of it and the organized political efforts that continue to fuel it today. Bullying based on sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression—often referred to as SOGIE-based bullying—is a pervasive form of peer victimization. It affects lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming youth, as well as heterosexual or cisgender youth who are perceived as not conforming to traditional gender norms.
Manifestations & Impacts
1. Common Forms of Victimization
* Verbal Harassment: Name-calling, derogatory slurs, sexualized insults, and persistent misgendering or intentional deadnaming.
* Relational & Social Exclusion: Spreading rumors, outing someone's sexual orientation or gender identity without consent, or systematically isolating them from peer groups.
* Cyberbullying: Targeted harassment on social media platforms, non-consensual sharing of private messages, or creating malicious online groups or pages.
* Physical Harassment & Assault: Physical intimidation, damaging personal property, or physical violence.
2. Well-Documented Consequences
Research consistently highlights the heightened risks associated with SOGIE-based bullying when supportive structures are lacking:
* Academic Disruption: Higher rates of absenteeism, lower academic engagement, and lower GPA due to safety concerns at school.
* Mental Health Disparities: Significantly elevated rates of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress, and suicidal ideation compared to non-targeted peers.
* Homelessness Risks: Unsafe environments at school are sometimes mirrored by unsupportive family dynamics, increasing the risk of housing instability for LGBTQ+ youth.
In the context of gender identity—as discussed in Rebecca Stanborough’s book She/He/They/Them: Understanding Gender Identity—pronouns refer specifically to personal pronouns used to refer to someone when speaking or writing about them. Federal civil rights law prohibits discrimination based on sex in education programs receiving federal financial assistance. The U.S. Department of Education interprets Title IX to cover harassment and discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.
•
Think of nonbinary as an umbrella, genderqueer as a mindset or political identity, and agender as a specific point on the spectrum where gender is absent or neutral.
Core Distinctions
| Identity | Primary Meaning | Relationship to Gender |
|---|---|---|
| Nonbinary | An umbrella term for any identity that isn't strictly male or female. | Structural: Broad classification encompassing many diverse identities. |
| Genderqueer | An identity that explicitly subverts, blurs, or challenges traditional gender norms. | Political / Expressive: Emphasizes non-conformity, fluidity, or living outside norms. |
| Agender | Identifying as having no gender, neutral gender, or an absence of gender identity. | Specific: Experience of being genderless or unattached to gender. |
1. Nonbinary (The Umbrella)
* Definition: An umbrella term for any gender identity that does not fit neatly into the binary options of exclusively male or female.
* Scope: A person who is nonbinary might feel like a combination of genders, a fluid gender, a distinct third gender, or no gender at all.
* Relationship to the others: Both agender and genderqueer can fall under the nonbinary umbrella, though not everyone who uses those terms chooses to call themselves nonbinary.
2. Genderqueer (The Subversion)
* Definition: A term for individuals whose gender identity or expression falls outside conventional societal expectations, often deliberately challenging or blurring binary gender boundaries.
* Historical Context: Originating in the 1990s queer activist movement, "genderqueer" carries a strong connotation of social or political non-conformity.
* Focus: While nonbinary often describes internal identity, genderqueer frequently emphasizes how a person navigates, rejects, or plays with societal gender expectations.
3. Agender (The Absence of Gender)
* Definition: Literally meaning "without gender," agender describes someone who experiences an absence of gender identity, feels gender-neutral, or does not connect with the concept of gender for themselves.
* Experience: While a nonbinary person might feel like their gender moves between points or exists as a new point entirely, an agender person generally experiences a complete lack of internal gender alignment.
How They Overlap
Because personal identity is self-determined, these terms are not mutually exclusive:
* Someone might describe themselves as nonbinary to quickly explain their identity to others, agender to describe their specific internal feeling of having no gender, and genderqueer to describe their political stance against binary gender roles.
* Others might choose just one of these terms because it feels like the most accurate fit for their personal experience.
•
Cisgender and nongender (more commonly referred to as agender or nonbinary) are two fundamentally different ways of describing a person's relationship to gender.
Key Distinctions
| Feature | Cisgender | Nongender (Agender) |
|---|---|---|
| Core Meaning | Gender identity matches sex assigned at birth | Absence of a gender identity, or identifying as genderless |
| Origin / Prefix | Cis- ("on the same side as") | Non- ("not") or A- ("without") |
| Example Experience | Assigned female at birth and internally identifies as a woman | Does not feel like a man, woman, or any particular gender category |
| Common Pronouns | Typically she/her or he/him | Often they/them, neopronouns, or any/all pronouns |
1. Cisgender
* Definition: A term for someone whose internal sense of gender aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth.
* Context: If a doctor assigned someone female at birth, and as they grow up they identify as a woman, that person is cisgender.
* Etymology: The Latin prefix cis- means "on the same side of" (the opposite of trans-, which means "across" or "on the other side of").
2. Nongender (Agender)
* Definition: A term for someone who does not identify with any gender, experiences an absence of gender identity, or feels entirely neutral/detached from the concept of gender altogether.
* Terminology Note: While "nongender" is easily understood, the term most frequently used in gender studies, LGBTQ+ advocacy, and everyday literature is agender.
* Spectrum Context: Nongender/agender falls under the broader nonbinary umbrella (people who do not fit strictly into the traditional binary categories of "man" or "woman").
How They Compare on the Spectrum
[ Cisgender ] <---------------------------------------------> [ Nongender / Agender ]
Identifies fully with assigned birth sex Identifies without/outside gender entirely
* Cisgender is about alignment with one's assigned sex at birth.
* Nongender / Agender is about absence of or detachment from gender identity.
The Gender Unicorn is an educational diagram created by Trans Student Educational Resources (TSER) to illustrate the distinct dimensions of human gender, sex, and attraction.
Designed by Landyn Pan and Anna Moore, it updated earlier models (like "The Genderbread Person") by moving away from binary spectrums (either/or) and instead using independent spectrums that allow someone to rate high, low, or anywhere in between across multiple categories simultaneously.
* Independent Variables: It decouples identity from expression, biological sex, and sexual orientation. For instance, a person can identify as a woman while presenting masculinely, or be assigned male at birth while identifying as nonbinary.
* Non-Binary Spectrums: Older models often placed "Man" on one end of a single line and "Woman" on the other, implying that being more masculine meant being less feminine. The Gender Unicorn provides separate sliding scales for female/feminine, male/masculine, and other genders.
* Splitting Physical & Emotional Attraction: By distinguishing between physical and emotional/romantic attraction, it accommodates split-attraction experiences (e.g., someone who is asexual but biromantic).
Deadnaming refers to the act of using a transgender, nonbinary, or gender-diverse person's former name (often called their "deadname") without their consent, rather than their chosen name.
* Impact: For many transgender and nonbinary individuals, being deadnamed can cause distress, dysphoria, or feelings of invalidation. In public or professional settings, it can also inadvertently "out" someone's transgender status to others without their consent, which can raise safety or privacy concerns.
* The Netherlands: Amsterdam UMC continues to provide multidisciplinary endocrinological and psychological care, though wait times remain long due to high demand.
* International Adjustments: Countries like the UK (following the Cass Review), Sweden, and Finland have revised their guidance regarding adolescent hormone protocols, emphasizing caution and favoring psychological support prior to medical initiation, while WPATH guidelines (SOC 8) continue to advocate for individualized care paths.
This asymmetry highlights a key concept in sociology and gender studies: the asymmetrical valuation of gender performance.
Key Factors Behind the Asymmetry
* Patriarchal Value Hierarchy: In traditional gender hierarchies, traits and clothing associated with masculinity are socialized as status symbols (strength, leadership, practicality), while traits associated with femininity have historically been devalued or relegated to the private sphere. When a woman moves toward "masculine" standards, society sees it as an upward move toward authority; when a man moves toward "feminine" standards, society often misinterprets it as a loss of status or strength.
* The "One-Way" Gender Transition: Over the last century, women's gender roles expanded significantly—women gained access to male-dominated careers, sports, and attire. However, men's gender roles remained comparatively rigid. A man stepping outside conventional masculinity often faces stronger social enforcement to "stay in line."
* Equating Femininity with Fragility: Cultural tropes have long linked femininity to softness or weakness, while linking masculinity to hardness and utility. Therefore, a dress on a male body is often perceived through the lens of vulnerability rather than a stylistic or self-expressive choice.
* Homophobia and Gender Non-Conformity: Historically, a man wearing a dress has been conflated with a rejection of traditional heterosexual norms, leading to social pushback rooted in homophobia or transphobia.
* Modern High Fashion & Pop Culture: High-profile figures (such as Harry Styles, Billy Porter, and Young Thug) and fashion houses regularly feature skirts and dresses for men, framing them as bold, artistic, and confident rather than weak.
* Cross-Cultural History: Historically and globally, unbifurcated garments (like kilts, sarongs, kaftans, and tunics) have been worn by men across many cultures as symbols of status, warrior strength, and dignity, demonstrating that the association of dresses strictly with female weakness is a specific modern Western construct.
1. Boys and Emotional Suppression
* The "Man Box": From a young age, boys are often conditioned through phrases like "man up" or "boys don't cry." This pressures them to hide vulnerability, fear, or sadness, sanctioning anger or stoicism as the only socially acceptable emotional responses.
* Psychological Cost: Developmental psychologists note that this can lead to normative male alexithymia—a difficulty in identifying and articulating emotions—which increases feelings of isolation and hinders relational intimacy later in life.
2. Girls and Prescribed Passivity
* Social Conditioning: Girls are frequently praised for being "good," "quiet," "polite," or "helpful," while assertive behaviors in young girls are sometimes labeled as "bossy" or "aggressive."
* Psychological Cost: Over time, this conditions girls to prioritize harmony over advocacy, often making it harder to set boundaries, negotiate assertively, or take space in professional and academic settings.
Broader Societal Realization
Modern developmental psychology and feminist theory emphasize that these rigid expectations harm individuals across the spectrum:
* De-gendering Human Traits: Emotional intelligence, vulnerability, assertiveness, and leadership are human capabilities, not gender-specific traits.
* Shifting Frameworks: Contemporary parenting, educational models, and emotional literacy programs focus on teaching boys that vulnerability is a strength, while encouraging girls to cultivate agency and self-advocacy.
Religious and theological perspectives on gender nonconformity vary widely across different faiths, denominations, and cultural traditions, ranging from traditional doctrines to affirming, inclusive interpretations.
Key Theological & Cultural Frameworks
1. Traditional and Conservative Perspectives
In many traditional branches of Abrahamic religions (such as orthodox or conservative Christian, Islamic, and Jewish theology), gender roles and biological sex are often viewed as intrinsically linked and created by God with intentional binary roles (frequently citing texts like Genesis 1:27, "male and female he created them").
In these traditions, deliberate deviation from normative gender roles, expression, or biological sex is sometimes viewed as a departure from divine design. Depending on the specific theology, non-conformity may be framed as a spiritual struggle or contrary to moral teachings.
2. Inclusive and Affirming Theological Movements
Many mainstream and progressive religious communities interpret sacred texts differently, emphasizing love, compassion, and divine intentionality in human diversity:
* In Christianity: Progressive denominations (such as the Episcopal Church, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, and the United Church of Christ) affirm transgender and gender-nonconforming individuals. Many theologians argue that God's creation encompasses a diverse spectrum of human experience and that divine love is unconditional.
* In Judaism: Reform, Conservative, and Reconstructionist movements widely affirm gender diversity. Rabbinic literature itself historically recognizes multiple gender categories beyond a strict binary (such as Tumtum and Androgynos in the Talmud).
* In Eastern Traditions: Traditions within Hinduism, Buddhism, and various Indigenous religions historically recognize third-gender roles, gender fluidity, or spiritual significance attached to individuals who transcend traditional binary gender roles.
3. Interfaith and Pastoral Approaches
Many spiritual leaders and pastoral counselors advocate focusing on core religious tenets—such as empathy, justice, and the inherent dignity of all human beings—rather than condemning individuals based on identity or expression.
•
Because the military operates as both a large-scale healthcare system and a disciplined fighting force, its health policies sit at the intersection of medical science, institutional policy, and national defense.
Here is a breakdown of what this means across three primary dimensions:
1. The Dynamic Policy Landscape (Recent Shifts)
Over the past decade, policies regarding transgender service members and medical access have shifted significantly across different political administrations:
* 2016 (Open Service Policy): The U.S. Department of Defense under the Obama administration formally lifted restrictions on open service, allowing transgender personnel to serve openly and access medically necessary gender-affirming care (including hormone therapy and surgeries) through military healthcare systems (Tricare).
* 2019 (Accession & Medical Restrictions): The Trump administration implemented policy revisions that generally restricted individuals with a diagnosis of gender dysphoria from enlisting or serving under their self-identified gender unless they served under their assigned birth sex and did not require medical transition.
* 2021–Present (Reinstatement & Standardized Care): The Biden administration repealed those restrictions, re-establishing open service and reaffirming access to gender-affirming health care, hormone therapy, and transition-related medical plans for active service members.
* Medical Readiness & Deployability: Service members must meet physical and medical standards to deploy globally. When starting hormone therapy or recovering from surgical procedures, service members are placed on temporary non-deployable medical status until their medical treatment plan stabilizes.
* Logistics in Austere Environments: Military medicine must account for continuous treatment needs—such as regular hormone administration and ongoing lab monitoring—when personnel deploy to remote or combat settings.
3. Why Military Healthcare Is a Central Arena
Military healthcare often becomes a focal point in broader societal discussions for several structural reasons:
* Single-Payer Employer System: Unlike civilian healthcare in the U.S., the military acts as a self-contained, federally managed healthcare provider. Policy decisions made at the Pentagon immediately establish standard care guidelines for over a million active-duty personnel.
* Precedent and Standard Setting: Historical shifts in military healthcare—such as integrating racial minorities, expanding combat casualty roles for women, or establishing trauma protocols—often set broader public policy precedents.
* Standard of Care Benchmarks: Military endocrinologists and mental health professionals rely on guidance from civilian medical authorities (such as the Endocrine Society and WPATH). How the military operationalizes these clinical standards serves as a case study for large-scale institutional healthcare systems worldwide.
•
Transgender individuals—particularly Black and brown trans women and sex workers—have faced severe, disproportionate levels of violence, harassment, and murder for decades. This violence is not a sudden invention; it has long been an under-acknowledged crisis.
However, the reason people talk about a "rise" in recent years involves two distinct realities: historical invisibility versus recent statistical tracking, and a surge in anti-trans legislative and cultural hostility. For a very long time, transgender homicide victims were routinely misgendered by law enforcement, media outlets, and official records (often deadnamed and recorded under their assigned birth sex). As advocacy organizations (like the Human Rights Campaign) and specialized journalists began meticulously tracking these cases, the sheer volume of violence became harder to ignore or bury. The numbers look higher partly because we are finally counting more accurately. In recent years, anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric, state-level legislation targeting gender-affirming care, and public moral panics have surged. Sociologists and civil rights advocates point out that when marginalized groups are heavily politicized and demonized in public discourse, it creates a permissive social climate that can embolden perpetrators and escalate real-world harassment into physical violence. Systemic discrimination in housing, healthcare, and traditional employment forces many trans individuals—especially trans women of color—into survival sex work, where they face heightened risks of predatory violence with little legal protection or recourse. Because law enforcement has historically mistreated or ignored transgender people, victims of violence often hesitate to report crimes, leaving perpetrators unaccountable and fostering a culture of impunity.
The violence has deep historical roots; what has changed is both our awareness of it and the organized political efforts that continue to fuel it today. Bullying based on sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression—often referred to as SOGIE-based bullying—is a pervasive form of peer victimization. It affects lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming youth, as well as heterosexual or cisgender youth who are perceived as not conforming to traditional gender norms.
Manifestations & Impacts
1. Common Forms of Victimization
* Verbal Harassment: Name-calling, derogatory slurs, sexualized insults, and persistent misgendering or intentional deadnaming.
* Relational & Social Exclusion: Spreading rumors, outing someone's sexual orientation or gender identity without consent, or systematically isolating them from peer groups.
* Cyberbullying: Targeted harassment on social media platforms, non-consensual sharing of private messages, or creating malicious online groups or pages.
* Physical Harassment & Assault: Physical intimidation, damaging personal property, or physical violence.
2. Well-Documented Consequences
Research consistently highlights the heightened risks associated with SOGIE-based bullying when supportive structures are lacking:
* Academic Disruption: Higher rates of absenteeism, lower academic engagement, and lower GPA due to safety concerns at school.
* Mental Health Disparities: Significantly elevated rates of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress, and suicidal ideation compared to non-targeted peers.
* Homelessness Risks: Unsafe environments at school are sometimes mirrored by unsupportive family dynamics, increasing the risk of housing instability for LGBTQ+ youth.
May 22, 2022
Not a fan of how it was written. Seemed like author didn't want to give enough research and specifics to back her research.
July 1, 2021
TW: Examples of transgender oppression, examples of transphobia, murder and death statistics of trans folks, suicide.
(This review is coming from a white non-binary person.)
This was a very short and quick read, one I think appropriate for younger readers as well as any older readers very new to the subject. I would happily suggest to kids, especially to parents to use as a jumping off point for discussions.
The author makes a note of transparency that she is a white, middle class, cisgender woman, and so apologises for any mistakes in the text. I'm ALWAYS hesitant when a cisgender person decides to write about the trans experience, but I can say I was actually quite pleased with this book.
Topics it covered where; what is the difference between sex and gender; the transitioning experience; healthcare and oppression trans folk face; and a very, very good (very very short) guide on how to help trans folk. All of these topics were covered quickly, so not as much detail as I personally would like, but enough to not bog down the inexperienced person.
I had some slight critiques of the text. Mostly that, though she mentions it later, a lot of history she focuses on is put as "US history" when she really means post colonial US history, and the author does take note of intersectionality, though it's not focused on as much as it should be.
Sometimes the unneeded addition of "identifies as" is used.
At one point I had a little laugh in the section of the pronouns"They/Them" (which I use). The example was to say "They is speaking". Personally use "They are speaking". I've never met another they/them user who uses "They is...". 😅
Lastly when discussing cisgender privilege one of the examples used is cisgender folks never have "been stared at for your gender identity", I'd change that to 'cisgender MEN have never been...'. I think cis woman and girls are VERY much experienced with this happening. I know what the author meant, I think the phrasing could have been a bit more specific.
Despite my critiques, I really liked the book and ESPECIALLY loved the last page suggesting ways to help and be an ally, and everyday actions allies can do that make a huge difference in trans lives.
(This review is coming from a white non-binary person.)
This was a very short and quick read, one I think appropriate for younger readers as well as any older readers very new to the subject. I would happily suggest to kids, especially to parents to use as a jumping off point for discussions.
The author makes a note of transparency that she is a white, middle class, cisgender woman, and so apologises for any mistakes in the text. I'm ALWAYS hesitant when a cisgender person decides to write about the trans experience, but I can say I was actually quite pleased with this book.
Topics it covered where; what is the difference between sex and gender; the transitioning experience; healthcare and oppression trans folk face; and a very, very good (very very short) guide on how to help trans folk. All of these topics were covered quickly, so not as much detail as I personally would like, but enough to not bog down the inexperienced person.
I had some slight critiques of the text. Mostly that, though she mentions it later, a lot of history she focuses on is put as "US history" when she really means post colonial US history, and the author does take note of intersectionality, though it's not focused on as much as it should be.
Sometimes the unneeded addition of "identifies as" is used.
At one point I had a little laugh in the section of the pronouns"They/Them" (which I use). The example was to say "They is speaking". Personally use "They are speaking". I've never met another they/them user who uses "They is...". 😅
Lastly when discussing cisgender privilege one of the examples used is cisgender folks never have "been stared at for your gender identity", I'd change that to 'cisgender MEN have never been...'. I think cis woman and girls are VERY much experienced with this happening. I know what the author meant, I think the phrasing could have been a bit more specific.
Despite my critiques, I really liked the book and ESPECIALLY loved the last page suggesting ways to help and be an ally, and everyday actions allies can do that make a huge difference in trans lives.
May 9, 2025
I mean it’s not the worst book. It’s a bit behind or maybe a lot behind ever since Trump came into his second term with high vengeance. Though if you want to start somewhere as a cisgender ally, this is a quick “tutorial” for expediting your trans and nonbinary understanding. However, please don’t let this be your stop on the train of understanding. This book is better served in the waiting room somewhere or a pamphlet for your nosey and homophobic family members on your coffee table. It’s a light read, so if you’re questioning your gender and needing a jump off point this is one. But again there are many other books that give better depth when you’re ready to dive in deep.
February 14, 2021
Required reading for everyone.
November 27, 2021
Short, simple and informative.
March 21, 2024
Very informative and insightful. It was awesome to read about gender identity from a scientific view.
October 3, 2024
Short but good read. Has a bit of everything. History, definitions, child development and how to respond to people coming out.
December 28, 2025
Amazing jumping off point for learning about the gender spectrum. 👍🏾
December 31, 2025
A very basic overview, suitable for children or as an introduction to the subject.
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