Companions in Suffering: Comfort for Times of Loss and Loneliness

by Wendy Alsup, Trillia J. Newbell (Foreword)

2020 The Gospel Coalition Book Award - Christian Living Have you experienced an ongoing trial that left you wrung out emotionally? Do you feel alone in your pain? Though suffering often leaves us feeling isolated, God invites us into the community of the Trinity and offers us many companions in Scripture. We experience loneliness alongside the exiled Israelites. We journey with David as he pleads to God for rescue. With Asaph we confess our unbelief. With Job we learn to lament. With Mary and Martha we learn to wait. In God's community, there is sweet fellowship, even in the hardest of circumstances. Journey in these pages with Wendy Alsup through her story of suffering, and more importantly, with the God who walks with us in the wilderness. This warm and contemplative book also includes a helpful appendix for those who companion a suffering loved one.

Genres: Christian, Christian Living, Nonfiction, Church, Faith, Theology, Christian Non Fiction

192 pages, Paperback

First published June 9, 2020

About the author

Wendy Horger Alsup (MEd, Clemson University) enjoys teaching theology to women and is the author of Practical Theology for Women, The Gospel-Centered Woman, and By His Wounds You are Healed. Alsup writes from her family farm and teaches math at the local community college.

Reviews

[Cindy Rollins · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book on suffering. These kinds of books are always tricky because they require a certain amount of navel-gazing by the author, but Wendy Alsup does a good job of navigating that pitfall by genuinely presenting the Gospel over and over again. I especially like the last section on how to minister to those who are suffering. Wendy points out that we do that within our own talents and abilities and it is better to try to help even if we are bad at it. The Gospel is there for that too.

[Matthew Manchester · Rating 5 out of 5]

A note before beginning:
As someone who has been living in chronic suffering every day for years, to the point of having suicidal thoughts and tendencies, suffering books are very much in my wheelhouse. Due to my situation, I am very picky about recommending books on suffering due to that many are trash. Most books on suffering are for short-term situations. They offer very little practical help, and even the spiritual help they provide is shortsighted and limited.

Which is why I want to champion this book, especially for chronic sufferers.

I write this review directly to them.

SUMMARY

This is not an answer book.
It's not even a solution book.
It's a book to comfort you, a fellow sufferer.

I was blessed to read this book with a group in a weekly (Zoom) meeting to discuss it. I was amazed at how helpful this book was, no matter what type of severe suffering people were experiencing. If you struggle deeply with suffering, whether emotional, social, physical, mental, etc, this book is for you.

THE GOOD

Let me get this out of the way: I felt seen. This is not a triumphal book, where the author is giving advice and encouragement as they exit suffering. Rather, even in the editing of this book, the author continues to suffer. It's so easily passed by, but fellow sufferers see it. It helps us trust that she isn't selling us a magic miracle cure (just the opposite, really).

The chapters on Job were super helpful to me personally and also helped me reframe the ending of the book. At the same time, each of these chapters was great, convicting, and comforting.

This book took my guilt and shame, as a sufferer, and blew it away with the gospel.

THE CHALLENGES

None and I love it when I get to say that.

CONCLUSION

Fellow sufferers, get this book. I've been looking for a companion book to Being There: How to Love Those Who Are Hurting. I wanted a book as helpful as that one is, but for the sufferer themselves (Kiss the Wave: Embracing God in Your Trials wasn't quite it for me, but still a good book).

Five stars.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

What strikes me most powerfully about this book is Wendy Alsup's patience. She is in no hurry to rush you out of suffering towards some more publicly-acceptable expression of your faith. Every chapter of this book is companionable, ushering you back to the scripture to see God's provision for suffering has been there all along, even if you've never noticed it before. Wendy celebrates the faithful companionship of her church, her family, and her friends, but ultimately she pulls you closer to Jesus, your ultimate companion in suffering. In her gentle words, Alsup resists trying to fix the sufferer, instead reassuring us of our eternal hope above all. As always, Alsup honors scripture with the utmost tenderness and admiration. I would argue she is almost unparalleled in her ability to engage with scripture while allowing God's works to speak for themselves. Her story never overshadows God's story. This book, mercifully, is not exploitative of her own grief or overly caught up in her personal misery.

For modern believers, perhaps the greatest gift she offers is her gentle, persistent unveiling of the ways our theology of suffering has probably been shaped by some amount of prosperity gospel thinking. She is very honest about her own belief that making righteous investments would reap satisfying, comfortable rewards. This thinking plagues so many sufferers and adds to their grief. Alsup corrects this thinking, but never condemns.

It's really an incredibly gentle, kind, and patient book. I'm glad I spent the last two months immersed in the comfort of this book. Wendy Alsup offers her own companionship to the many comforts she shares in this book. Sufferers and their friends (that's all of us!) will all benefit from this book.

[Danielle Williamson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Any book about a theology of suffering is a book I'm interested in. This one was mentioned to me first by my husband (through Matthew Manchester's review) but was only put into my hands when my mom raved about it. It did not disappoint.

It is extremely down-to-earth, which is what you need in any sort of edifying book about affliction. Pinterest throw-pillow quotes and verses about joy plucked from context mean diddly-squat when you're in the midst of turmoil. Alsup gets that. She patiently cultivates a viewpoint of life in the midst of the worst and how we might alter that perspective to gain some relief. Many of the metaphors she used were extremely insightful and will stick with me. I read this in the midst of a different kind of loss and loneliness-- moving internationally-- but plan to return to it once again when I face another physical flare of chronic illness. Regardless of your specific suffering, Alsup will comfort and encourage you.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Companions in Suffering is one of the best books on suffering that I've read (and I've read a lot of them). In fact, it's one of the best books I've read this year. The book is geared toward sufferers and people who want to walk with people in their suffering. Instead of giving theological answers for suffering, Alsup looks at people who have walked the road of suffering (Job, Mary and Martha, modern-day Hebrews 11 witnesses, Jesus himself, and more) who the sufferer can view as "companions" as we walk our own road. The book examines their reactions to suffering and to God and sets them as compassionate examples of how to suffer well. It is encouraging and gentle as well as short - a blessing for books written to people who are hurting, as sufferers often have very short attention spans, concentration and/or memory problems, and more that make long books hard to read. I highly recommend this book.

[Persis · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Companions in Suffering" is one of the best books on suffering that I have read. It is firmly grounded in the scriptures and the message of the gospel. It is also written from the author's first-hand experience of the hard road of suffering. She does not give easy answers or platitudes. She does not shame the reader for the sorrow and lament they may feel. Rather she clearly points to Jesus as THE companion who never leaves us nor forsakes us.

I highly recommend "Companions in Suffering" for those who are walking this hard road. It is equally valuable for those who want to learn to be a helpful companion to those who are suffering. I am going to recommend this book for the ladies' study that I facilitate.

[Wendy Park · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read many books on suffering. I can unequivocally state this book should be at the top of the list for developing a theology of suffering and how to be a companion to sufferers. The book examines our thoughts and attitudes in suffering and how to conform them to scripture. The insights into how others treat us, how we react, and what we can do better are stellar. The author interweaves her experiences with suffering as well. I highly recommend this book.

I received an advanced reader copy of the book. The opinion is my own.

[Natalie Fetzer · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are in the midst of suffering, this book is a great companion. I've been reading this for about a year, and whenever I picked it up, it was exactly what I needed. I've been reading Wendy Alsup for many years, and this is her best book yet.

If you aren't in the midst of suffering, this book is a great guide on how to be a helpful companion to someone who is. At the very least, read the appendix with her five suggestions for how to suffer with someone.

[Jelyn Oj · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very grateful to a friend who gifted me this book on time after losing someone I dearly love. Reading this book in a very slow phase made me examine myself on how have I been a companion to my fellow sufferers —Christian or not and how should I improve. This book gave me hope and made me cry numerous times.

[Ruth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This entire book is worth your time, but the first three chapters especially should be required reading. Recommended.

[Campbell Briggs · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found encouragement in reading this book. It seemed to me a toolkit, even more, a list of friends to turn to when you’re going through suffering in life. I saw with greater clarity what God was doing in the suffering of people in the bible and it was a great encouragement to me as I thought about my own suffering. Wendy shows that our suffering is not punishment for not doing everything perfectly, but a time where it’s revealed most how much we need God. The layers of things we hold onto for assurance that aren’t God are stripped back and we can more fully see that God is the only one who gives full assurance.
One thing I found particularly interesting was the idea of ambiguous loss, the grief associated with something that is both present and absent. To me, it described how I felt about about the pandemic, where daily life feels, in a way, just out of reach. I was glad to finally put a name to what I was feeling.
I also found it interesting that this book doesn’t give an answer for how to stop suffering. I think in a lot of books on suffering, there’s a prescribed “do this and everything will get better.” But, that’s not a reality, some of us will remain in suffering for really long periods of time. Joseph suffered his entire life and never got to see Israel. However, he remained fruitful in his affliction. It made me think on how I can remain fruitful in my afflictions.

[N. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This review should have been written last year. This book should have been read last year. I was on the launch team, interacted with Wendy Alsup and others who were excited to get into it, and even got through to about the second chapter before life happened—suffering happened. Yet I do not feel any disadvantage for having had this delay. I came away with exactly what I came for: understanding and relief. I have followed Alsup’s journey and writing since my teens, and, every time, I feel that she just...gets it.

There were more than a few pages that I wanted to screenshot/print and have plastered in Christian communities all over. My eyes have rolled as many times as they have watered as I have grown weary of being surrounded by “Job’s friends”, and often prefer to be near to those with similar life experiences or with an exceptional in-born capacity for compassion. But Alsup decenters Job’s friends from the narrative and highlights Job himself instead as someone with whom sufferers can deeply identify and find solidarity—a distant yet intimate and timeless friend who points to the ultimate Friend. Still, the Appendix on how to be a good companion to sufferers is on its own a special kind of wonderful.

Although parts of the book did not absorb as quickly as others, I am always grateful when Christians do not downplay or spiritually bypass trauma and suffering, especially when Christians themselves can be affected by it. Rightly or wrongly, I tend to be sceptical of those who profess faith but who have not been tested either by strong trial or severe tribulation. For this reason, it matters to me that my closest and most intimate relationships are held together not just by common faith but also the glue of shared experience. Frankly, I do not think I would fare well otherwise. And Alsup would agree.

Thankfully, even Job’s friends can and do grow and do better. Sometimes it is only when we experience hardship of our own and realise how unhelpful certain responses can be, that we make haste to apologise for having contributed to someone else’s suffering. For those who as yet lack this lived experience, growing in practical compassion is imperative. As Alsup writes:

“General concern for or good will toward a sufferer is not the same thing as actually helping that person! You cannot be helpful to a sufferer without recognising the difference in these two. Compassion comes from the Latin for entering into the suffering of another. It is not waving from the outside of the tent of suffering with a concerned look on your face. Compassion enters the tent of suffering. It sits with the sufferer and feels the weight of suffering with them.”

Overall, I would say this book is one of the few Christian books on suffering that the suffering believer need not be afraid of. Because Alsup gets it, she has and continues to live with a measure of grief that many people do not know. So, she is not in the business of wounding but of walking with, alongside, and encouraging us to do the same. My biggest take-away from this is that the enlarged capacity for empathy I have developed through ongoing struggles will never go to waste, thank God, for I have been called to comfort others both with the comfort with which I have been comforted, but also—and crucially—the comfort with which I have not been comforted.

It is abundantly clear that I have been called to be a companion in suffering. How I wish more believers would say and *DO* the same!

[Mechthild · Rating 5 out of 5]

You can find comfort while suffering
Author of multiple books Wendy Alsup presents with "Companions of Suffering. Comfort for Times of Loss and Loneliness" (published by IVPress) a book that can be a real help in this time of crisis and social distancing. She is treating topics such as "Our Suffering Savior", "Fellowship of Suffering", "Learning to Lament", and "Waiting on Jesus". Her conclusion is titled "Limping Forward". About the readers she wants to reach she writes: "This book is for anyone enduring a long marathon of suffering who despairs of finding help or hope again. This book is for folks who don't cry anymore because their emotions are spent. And this book is for those persevering with their suffering loved ones. It can be as emotionally draining to watch a loved one suffer as to experience the suffering directly yourself" (p. 7). And for these readers I highly recommend this book. She also adds an important reminder: "If you have run out of tears and feel alone in your ongoing grief, if you are so weary from crying you feel detached from your emotions, God has not left you as an orphan. You have companions on this journey, first and foremost with Christ himself. But there is also companionship with his body, your brothers and sisters in the faith... Finally, there is companionship and fellowship found in the words of Scripture, preserved eternally for us for our instruction, our comfort, and even our tears" (p.7).
The appendix presents tips how to offer companionship in suffering, there are notes, suggested readings and a scripture index as a help for those readers who want to study the topic more in depth. Alsup bases her book on the Bible but she also shows her vulnerability, including examples from her own life and of the lives of others. The book is also very practical since Alsup presents questions for personal reflection at the end of each chapter, although these questions can be also used in discussion with a friend or small group. Indeed, the book can be used individually, with a friend or in a small group setting. It also makes a great present for those who go through suffering or for those who are close to them.
The complimentary digital copy of this book was provided by the publisher free of charge, but I have also bought a printed copy for myself. I was under no obligation to offer a positive review. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.
#CompanionsInSuffering #IVPress #InterVarsityPress

[Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

With the COVID-19 global pandemic, social injustice, and political turmoil happening around the world, I am more aware of the suffering that many are experiencing. In Companions in Suffering, Wendy Alsup gives comfort for times of loss and loneliness.

The Sweet Fellowship of the Savior

In less than 200 pages, Alsup shares from her own experiences and sends us to God’s Word for help. She writes with honesty, and without going into unnecessary details we can feel the weight behind her words. It is clear that she has been through difficult days but she has also experienced the sweet fellowship of our Savior.

Church conflict, a divorce that she did not want, breast cancer, and additional ongoing medical crises are just some of the trials she has faced. She reminds us of the companionship we have in Christ, our brothers and sisters in the church, and the fellowship we can find in the words of Scripture. Even at her darkest moments, Alsup offers hope for those who are facing similar situations.

Serious Strength

Isaiah 53, Psalm 69, and Psalm 73 are prominently featured in the first few chapters. She takes the time to explain the words and helps apply them to your life. This book is saturated with Scripture, and Alsup writes in a serious tone that will strengthen you to find your support in Scripture.

I was most moved by Chapter 9: Waiting on Jesus, which takes a closer look at the story of Mary and Martha as well as the death and resurrection of Lazarus. She helped me identify with Martha, as I often get worked up by the demands of hospitality (and the home) and I fail to miss the good and right responsibility of sitting at the feet of Jesus.

A Sovereign Companion

Just as Jesus allowed Mary and Martha to sit in their suffering in the aftermath of the death of Lazarus, we sometimes feel that God will stay silent forever. But Jesus weeps with us and feels our turbulence in the waiting. Jesus shares our griefs and frustrations. He comes alongside us, he comforts us, and he assures us that we have a sovereign companion in our sufferings.

I received a media copy of Companions in Suffering, and this is my honest review.

[Kara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this book. I have appreciated and enjoyed Wendy’s thoughts and teachings in the past, and when I saw she was coming out with a new book, and this was the topic, I purchased it as soon as I could. Wendy writes in a way that is easy to understand, and she does so again here. Her combination of both Scripture and lived experience keep this book applicable to all who are suffering. The way Wendy writes here mirrors the thoughts I’ve personally had, and the fears have been similar. This book was a big encouragement to me, and it has felt like a companion over the days I have read it. I will be reading it again, and will share it with others who are suffering. Biblical encouragement through suffering is the only thing that can touch the hurt and pain, and continually turning to Christ who has walked this road before me is the only piece that truly helps. Thank you Wendy for sharing these pieces of you and your journey, and for reminding me and encouraging me in my own days of suffering. This book is a blessing.

[Dave Lester · Rating 5 out of 5]

In my reading experience, it is rare to find a book that is theologically rich but also raw and honest while talking about the problem of suffering. Author Wendy Alsup has deep and wise insights into Scripture as she writes about events in her recent life that have caused grief, pain and have shaken her faith.

She discusses our own "tents of suffering" and how it is important for us to realize that Jesus suffered like we do and that we also have great clouds of witnesses who have also experienced pain and hardship in life. Multiple chapters offer insight into the book of Job and Alsup urges us not to rush to the end of that Old Testament book but to wrestle through the chapters in the middle when Job is going through his own life storm.

I highly recommend this book, not only for those who are going through rough times in life but also for those who want to help those facing a dark chapter in their own lives. Wendy's appendix at the end is extremely practically helpful for those seeking to genuinely help loved ones going through the impossible.

[Shea Patrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Companions in Suffering” is a uniquely written book that combines thoughts from the author’s personal journey with suffering and deep theology to help others who are either suffering or looking to come alongside those who are suffering. Wendy looks to her own story to point to the “God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction,” so that she is able to “to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which [she herself] is comforted by God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)One of the most practical parts of the book is the Appendix titled “Offering Companionship to the Suffering.” Wendy points to ways to help those who are suffering beyond asking “How can I help?” to someone who may already be overwhelmed. I highly recommend this book to those who are struggling or walking alongside those who are suffering.

[Esther Faulkner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my new favorite book. I’m grateful for Wendy Alsup’s invitation into her tent of suffering to sit with her there. 2020 has been a horrible year. Our pain is not purposeless but it still hurts. Each chapter is filled with wonderful morsels of encouragement and comfort from God’s word. Thankful for my friend who sent this book to me. 12/10 recommend.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Cor. 1:4

[Margaret Neal · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️ 4.5 — made 5 stars by the incredible group of women I read the book with. All of them companions in my suffering because of deep grief and suffering of their own. Thank you, Lord for the body of Christ. May I join the great cloud of witnesses and be a companion rather than staying outside the tent of suffering.

This book was both practical and thoughtful. Written from a well of experience, rich in biblical knowledge, and full of Gospel hope rather than trite answers.

One of my favorite take-aways was how the biblical characters of Job, David, Joseph, Caleb and others can be companions in suffering when we feel like a pariah.

[Christy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It’s a beautiful story of how God walks beside us in our struggles and how the realities in the Bible offer is comfort that we don’t often find in today’s “real world”. I loved her encouragement on how to find peace, community, and joy in loss. I loved how she validated feelings of grief, even for things that some people deem unworthy of mourning (i.e. loss of a friendship, career, etc). I loved how the people of the Bible who lived thousands of years ago are so relevant to our experiences today.

[Alice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wendy Alsup speaks from personal experience and from the heart in this practical book on suffering. Her humble vulnerability in sharing her personal times of suffering provides credibility to the practical applications of how to walk through suffering. The Appendix with ways to offer companionship to those who are suffering is very helpful in coming alongside those who are suffering. This book is practical, Biblical, and personal. I highly recommend this book for anyone who is suffering or on a journey with a friend who is suffering.

[Monique · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s difficult while in a season of suffering, especially if you’re alone. Wendy has penned a beautiful book that gives us hope in our suffering as she share her own personal experiences and the experiences of those in the Bible. If you want to know how to not only find companionship while suffering but also be a companion to someone while they experience suffering, don’t miss reading Wendy’s new book-Companions in Suffering!

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one of the best on real life suffering. Alsup walks the reader through her pain in tender and hopeful prose. Navigating how scripture points us to lean into God and encourages lament, Alsup has written a book for anyone walking through pain or anyone who is close to those who are suffering. Beautiful words for real life.

[Maria Bowersock · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best books I have ever read on suffering. The author wrote from the place of what it’s like to be in the suffering verse a reflection of it. I, as a sufferer, appreciate that. She has become a companion in suffering.

[Chad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Companions in Suffering was so incredibly helpful to me during a season of trials and loss. It was an absolute blessing to read. I am so thankful for Wendy Alsup’s honesty and straightforwardness. The Appendix is a primer in what to do.

[Scott Norquest · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent Exposition on suffering as a Christian

This book is a tremendous resource of hope. Wendy does a wonderful job revealing how Christ helped her throughout her major trials and trauma over the years. What a great testimony of perseverance and hope!

[Jomee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wendy Alsup’s testimonies are incredible, and shows great humility in the ways she trusted in God authentically throughout her pain, and even at the face of continued and ongoing difficulties. I am grateful for stories like hers and how it is ministering to others. It is honest, nourishing, kind, and an embrace for all who may suffer.

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book reminds / informs us that God is in control and that we will have struggles in this world. But God as a plan, and He is always with us.

[Matthew · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

[Megan K. Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Long-term sufferers, this book is for you.