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It's My Party and I Don't Want to Go
A funny and honest portrayal of living with social anxiety, this timely novel explores the universal themes of growing up and finding your voice, set in a fast-paced comedy.
Ellie Katz is sabotaging her own party.Sure, it seems extreme, but it's the only option for her bat mitzvah. Crowds and attention always made her nervous, and lately they've been making it harder and harder for Ellie to breathe. The celebration would mean (1) a large crowd, (2) lots of staring, and (3) distant family listening to her sing in another language. No thank you!To avoid certain catastrophe, she hatches a plan with her best friend Zoe to ruin the big day. Cue the email hacking, DJ takedown, and an all-out food fight! Everything is falling apart according to plan, until a fight with Zoe leaves Ellie alone on her path of destruction, facing some unintended consequences and disappointments. Can she find a way to right her wrongs, face her fears, and light her candles?
Ellie Katz is sabotaging her own party.Sure, it seems extreme, but it's the only option for her bat mitzvah. Crowds and attention always made her nervous, and lately they've been making it harder and harder for Ellie to breathe. The celebration would mean (1) a large crowd, (2) lots of staring, and (3) distant family listening to her sing in another language. No thank you!To avoid certain catastrophe, she hatches a plan with her best friend Zoe to ruin the big day. Cue the email hacking, DJ takedown, and an all-out food fight! Everything is falling apart according to plan, until a fight with Zoe leaves Ellie alone on her path of destruction, facing some unintended consequences and disappointments. Can she find a way to right her wrongs, face her fears, and light her candles?
- GenresMiddle Grade
224 pages, Hardcover
First published September 15, 2020
5 people are currently reading
160 people want to read
About the author
Amanda Panitch
6 books203 followersAmanda Panitch spent most of her childhood telling stories to her four younger siblings, trying both to make them laugh and scare them too much to sleep. Now she lives in New York City, where she writes dark, funny stories for teens, kids, and the pigeons that nest on her apartment balcony. You can follow her on Twitter @AmandaPanitch, and visit her online at www.amandapanitch.com
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
September 16, 2020
Ellie has panic attacks and social anxiety. Out of fear, age decides to sabotage her bat mitzvah with the help of her reluctant best friend.
IT’S MY PARTY AND I DON’T WANT TO GO is an often humorous look on a preteen’s anxiety that will appeal to younger middle grade readers. Ellie’s anxiety consumes her and she uses it as an excuse for selfish behavior, treating her best friend poorly and lying. Older readers will wonder with teachers and Ellie’s parents haven’t noticed her near elective mutism, even those with anxiety will know Ellie couldn’t have lasted twelve years without her problem being addressed.
Amanda Pantich is a wonderful wordsmith. I’ve loved her dark YA novels. She can certainly write MG, though character development needs to be more age realistic.
IT’S MY PARTY AND I DON’T WANT TO GO is a good story about anxiety.
IT’S MY PARTY AND I DON’T WANT TO GO is an often humorous look on a preteen’s anxiety that will appeal to younger middle grade readers. Ellie’s anxiety consumes her and she uses it as an excuse for selfish behavior, treating her best friend poorly and lying. Older readers will wonder with teachers and Ellie’s parents haven’t noticed her near elective mutism, even those with anxiety will know Ellie couldn’t have lasted twelve years without her problem being addressed.
Amanda Pantich is a wonderful wordsmith. I’ve loved her dark YA novels. She can certainly write MG, though character development needs to be more age realistic.
IT’S MY PARTY AND I DON’T WANT TO GO is a good story about anxiety.
March 21, 2021
It’s My Party and I Don’t Want to Go is a funny middle-grade book about the perils of navigating life with social anxiety. With a Jewish protagonist, and lots of information about Jewish religion and culture, this book features healthy female friendships, a sweet sister relationship, and overall loving family dynamics. Ultimately, it’s a welcome look at managing anxiety, even if kids have to engage the help of a therapist like Ellie has to in the end.
Read my full review on my blog.
I received an eARC from Scholastic Trade Publishing in exchange for an honest review.
Read my full review on my blog.
I received an eARC from Scholastic Trade Publishing in exchange for an honest review.
January 3, 2023
Trigger warnings: anxiety, panic attacks, discussion of cancer
3.5 stars.
This was mildly chaotic, but pretty fun. Essentially, Ellie struggles with anxiety but doesn't know that that's what it is so she doesn't tell anyone that she's freaking out about her bat mitzvah and instead sets up a series of elaborate schemes to try and cancel it altogether without her parents finding out.
The schemes ranged from telling the cantor that she's going to do a speech about how King David was helped by aliens, starting a food fight at a bar mitzvah so the caterer will cancel on her parents, hiding the invitations and telling each parent that the other posted them, and emailing the venue as her mother to say that she's died.
Like I said, it was chaotic and funny and occasionally emotional and I spent a lot of time being like "Oh my God, TELL SOMEONE HOW YOU FEEL" which is hilarious because I'm 39 years old and I don't do that so why the hell would I expect an anxious 12 year old to do that.
3.5 stars.
This was mildly chaotic, but pretty fun. Essentially, Ellie struggles with anxiety but doesn't know that that's what it is so she doesn't tell anyone that she's freaking out about her bat mitzvah and instead sets up a series of elaborate schemes to try and cancel it altogether without her parents finding out.
The schemes ranged from telling the cantor that she's going to do a speech about how King David was helped by aliens, starting a food fight at a bar mitzvah so the caterer will cancel on her parents, hiding the invitations and telling each parent that the other posted them, and emailing the venue as her mother to say that she's died.
Like I said, it was chaotic and funny and occasionally emotional and I spent a lot of time being like "Oh my God, TELL SOMEONE HOW YOU FEEL" which is hilarious because I'm 39 years old and I don't do that so why the hell would I expect an anxious 12 year old to do that.
May 15, 2020
You'd wreck it too if it happened to you... Ellie's Bat Mitzvah is approaching, and her family plans to make a huge spectacle of it. Ellie has undiagnosed anxiety, and as much as she's ready to come of age, a massive ceremony in front of hundreds is the last thing she wants. Too afraid to disappoint her parents, she decides to partner with her best friend Zoe to sabotage the party plans from the inside. But how long can they keep up with the delays? This mighty novel is centered on growing up, facing challenges, and learning to be honest about your needs. Delightful!
October 11, 2020
Positives: I have almost zero contemporary middle grade novels centering Jewish kids, and this one puts Judaism front and center.
Negatives: The main character is just DEEPLY unlikeable. Anxiety does not give you free reign to be selfish, cruel, and destructive with almost no consequences.
Negatives: The main character is just DEEPLY unlikeable. Anxiety does not give you free reign to be selfish, cruel, and destructive with almost no consequences.
February 20, 2020
A cringetastic yet relatable story (that also manages to be funny and charming) for anyone who suffers from social anxiety.
I love Ellie's plan to get out of her bat mitzvah party, I love all the ridiculous stages of it, I love that it almost worked for half a second there(!), and I especially love that it helps her figure out coping mechanisms for her anxiety. Like, she makes actual, real progress here! Doing what is possibly the worst thing she could be doing! It's amazing!! The best thing, though, is that Ellie feels like a very real kid. She makes bad decisions. She doesn't think things through. She can be extremely selfish. She dismisses other people's opinions without letting them explain. She skips right over the easy solutions -- like, they don't even occur to her -- and hilariously goes straight to the nuclear option . But she's also pretty darn likable (for the most part), and I was laughing and cringing and remembering how useless I was as an anxious 12-year-old.
My big problem is that Ellie IS a bad friend over the course of the story. I get that her friend-failures are directly because of her anxiety, but that's an explanation and not an excuse. The book treats it like an excuse, and it seems like Ellie is totally absolved in Zoe's eyes after she reveals how severe her anxiety is. And, like, no! Ellie said some truly insensitive (and even cruel) things about I cannot. Even with panic attacks that make you feel like you're going to die, that's a true foot-in-mouth moment. But it's never examined beyond Ellie apologizing for being a bad friend and Zoe telling her she's NOT a bad friend (except she TOTALLY WAS) and it just feels like a huge missed opportunity, especially with the fantastic conversations she had with her family. It honestly didn't make me like Ellie any less; I just wish there had been more depth to that particular interaction.
I really did enjoy this book. It's not as funny as To Night Owl from Dogfish, but it will definitely appeal to the same crowd.
I love Ellie's plan to get out of her bat mitzvah party, I love all the ridiculous stages of it, I love that it almost worked for half a second there(!), and I especially love that it helps her figure out coping mechanisms for her anxiety. Like, she makes actual, real progress here! Doing what is possibly the worst thing she could be doing! It's amazing!! The best thing, though, is that Ellie feels like a very real kid. She makes bad decisions. She doesn't think things through. She can be extremely selfish. She dismisses other people's opinions without letting them explain. She skips right over the easy solutions -- like, they don't even occur to her -- and hilariously goes straight to the nuclear option . But she's also pretty darn likable (for the most part), and I was laughing and cringing and remembering how useless I was as an anxious 12-year-old.
My big problem is that Ellie IS a bad friend over the course of the story. I get that her friend-failures are directly because of her anxiety, but that's an explanation and not an excuse. The book treats it like an excuse, and it seems like Ellie is totally absolved in Zoe's eyes after she reveals how severe her anxiety is. And, like, no! Ellie said some truly insensitive (and even cruel) things about I cannot. Even with panic attacks that make you feel like you're going to die, that's a true foot-in-mouth moment. But it's never examined beyond Ellie apologizing for being a bad friend and Zoe telling her she's NOT a bad friend (except she TOTALLY WAS) and it just feels like a huge missed opportunity, especially with the fantastic conversations she had with her family. It honestly didn't make me like Ellie any less; I just wish there had been more depth to that particular interaction.
I really did enjoy this book. It's not as funny as To Night Owl from Dogfish, but it will definitely appeal to the same crowd.
June 17, 2021
The story: Ellie Katz has this thing about talking in front of people. Also about meeting new people, or even speaking her opinion aloud in a group. And making a new friend beside BFF Zoe, who's held that position since kindergarten? Forget it. So the idea of getting up to recite and sing in front of the crowd at her upcoming bat mitzvah is utterly horrifying to her--so horrifying that she'll do anything to stop it from happening. Literally anything. Would she go to this much work if she weren't totally, deadly serious?
June Cleaver's ratings: Language G; Violence G; Sexual content G; Nudity G; Substance abuse G; Magic & the occult G; GLBT content G; adult themes (anxiety disorders, deceitful behaviors) PG; overall rating G. Best for grades 4-7.
Liz's comments: It took way too long for my suspension-of-disbelief-o'meter to move from "this is the most utterly self-absorbed kid I've ever seen on the pages of a book" to the conclusion that a panic disorder might be the culprit. All the elaborate lengths to which this character went in order to avoid what she didn't want to do (including lying, plotting, and causing mayhem) when all it took was talking to her parents at the end, was just too much. Her indifference to her friend's pain at the possibility of losing her dog was cringe-worthy. And yes, the baby steps she took helped her gain a bit of confidence, and the idea that therapy isn't shameful is a good thing to send out into the cosmos, but if a middle school kid has to read 80% of a book in order to come to these kinds of conclusions, all is already lost. Purchase if you have a large Jewish population at your school, or possibly if you're looking to increase awareness of mental health issues--otherwise, skip.
June Cleaver's ratings: Language G; Violence G; Sexual content G; Nudity G; Substance abuse G; Magic & the occult G; GLBT content G; adult themes (anxiety disorders, deceitful behaviors) PG; overall rating G. Best for grades 4-7.
Liz's comments: It took way too long for my suspension-of-disbelief-o'meter to move from "this is the most utterly self-absorbed kid I've ever seen on the pages of a book" to the conclusion that a panic disorder might be the culprit. All the elaborate lengths to which this character went in order to avoid what she didn't want to do (including lying, plotting, and causing mayhem) when all it took was talking to her parents at the end, was just too much. Her indifference to her friend's pain at the possibility of losing her dog was cringe-worthy. And yes, the baby steps she took helped her gain a bit of confidence, and the idea that therapy isn't shameful is a good thing to send out into the cosmos, but if a middle school kid has to read 80% of a book in order to come to these kinds of conclusions, all is already lost. Purchase if you have a large Jewish population at your school, or possibly if you're looking to increase awareness of mental health issues--otherwise, skip.
May 6, 2021
Everyone who has ever had an anxiety disorder needs to read this book. And everyone who knows someone who has anxiety. And every kid, and person who has kids.
Basically, I just want everyone to read this book, and please, for the love of fiction, look past Ellie being a bit of a misguided brat to the story because THIS IS WHAT SOCIAL ANXIETY FEELS LIKE.
This book will make you chuckle, make you cringe, and make you cry. I love that this book addresses anxiety and adolescence in such a sweet way that shows a kid messing up and finding her way through something incredibly difficult that probably no one but a trained professional will ever understand. I loved the emphasis this book gave to not shaming mental health or telling people to "get over it" and that the therapy stigma needs to die.
I loved Ellie. I found her a deeply relatable character. Although I never started a food fight to get a caterer to cancel on me. I loved her obituaries and the inner monologue that'll make so many kids and adults with social anxiety go, "oh yes, I've been there."
I think I love this book best because it really shows readers who deal with similar issues that they're not alone. I love that it dealt with mental health in a fun, kid-centric way.
Basically, I just want everyone to read this book, and please, for the love of fiction, look past Ellie being a bit of a misguided brat to the story because THIS IS WHAT SOCIAL ANXIETY FEELS LIKE.
This book will make you chuckle, make you cringe, and make you cry. I love that this book addresses anxiety and adolescence in such a sweet way that shows a kid messing up and finding her way through something incredibly difficult that probably no one but a trained professional will ever understand. I loved the emphasis this book gave to not shaming mental health or telling people to "get over it" and that the therapy stigma needs to die.
I loved Ellie. I found her a deeply relatable character. Although I never started a food fight to get a caterer to cancel on me. I loved her obituaries and the inner monologue that'll make so many kids and adults with social anxiety go, "oh yes, I've been there."
I think I love this book best because it really shows readers who deal with similar issues that they're not alone. I love that it dealt with mental health in a fun, kid-centric way.
July 15, 2021
Ok, I think this is a great idea for a book. Anxiety and panic disorder are definitely relevant topics for middle grade readers, but this book is just too ridiculous. It's difficult to have sympathy for Ellie when she never really considers anyone else or the consequences of her actions. Her best friend's beloved pet could be dying, but Ellie can't even pause for a moment to show concern, and her efforts to sabotage her party could have lasting financial and emotional impacts on other people, but she only stops just short of horrifying behavior. Plus, it's difficult to believe a girl who can't talk to her supportive and low key parents would be able to do things Ellie does to avoid the party. For middle grade books about anxiety, I would recommend The World Ends in April by Stacy McAnulty, The List of Things That Will Not Change by Rebecca Stead, or Guts by Raina Telgemeier. Guts is the best of the three; it's accessible, entertaining, and affecting.
Read more at
Read more at
March 25, 2020
Lots to love about this book!
*Great discussion about anxiety and how it can take over. The realistic descriptions of panic and fear that anxiety can create, not just with the main character but with others, was a great way to gently help readers identify with what was happening.
*Also really enjoyed that this is very much a Jewish story - that the aspects of life leading up to a Bat Mitzvah were explained naturally for those who might not be familiar in a way that was not patronising or an 'info dump'.
* Has almost a vintage slapstick feel to the sabotage segments - funny without being too over the top. You laugh, but you can feel the undercurrent in Ellie's anxiety throughout.
*Great discussion about anxiety and how it can take over. The realistic descriptions of panic and fear that anxiety can create, not just with the main character but with others, was a great way to gently help readers identify with what was happening.
*Also really enjoyed that this is very much a Jewish story - that the aspects of life leading up to a Bat Mitzvah were explained naturally for those who might not be familiar in a way that was not patronising or an 'info dump'.
* Has almost a vintage slapstick feel to the sabotage segments - funny without being too over the top. You laugh, but you can feel the undercurrent in Ellie's anxiety throughout.
April 9, 2021
For some teenagers, being Jewish plays a major role in their lives. For others, it’s a minor part of their identity, at least until they come face-to-face with antisemitism. Seeing their lives reflected in the novels they read, however, is something both they and their parents can appreciate.
See the rest of my review at https://www.thereportergroup.org/past...
See the rest of my review at https://www.thereportergroup.org/past...
October 21, 2021
Omgosh! This was such a cute, sweet, funny and heart warming midde grade!!❤️❤️
I loved the starting and the main plot!! The main character is really funny and sweet and is my favourite!😊
And her best friend, Zoe is my favourite as well!! The ending was so cool!!!❤️❤️
I loved it!!❤️❤️
I loved the starting and the main plot!! The main character is really funny and sweet and is my favourite!😊
And her best friend, Zoe is my favourite as well!! The ending was so cool!!!❤️❤️
I loved it!!❤️❤️
January 24, 2025
Seemed to take a while mainly due to me being too busy or tired to read. I wasn’t sure I’d like it but living with two people who have different degrees of anxiety made this an interesting read. It helps you picture and understand how one can feel.
November 7, 2020
DNF for It's My Party and I Don't Want to Go. It didn't seem believable that a character with such severe social anxiety would want to pull such crazy stunts that could get her in such trouble.
December 15, 2020
Super cute.
January 28, 2021
very cute; funny antics and fast-paced; sweet friendship and family; learn a little about bat mitzvahs
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 6, 2022
True rating: 4.5 stars.
January 10, 2023
It was a great read and while it touched on anxieties teens ( and the rest of us have), it is not preachy. The book was a fun read.
October 11, 2023
4 1/2🌟
February 1, 2024
I literally love this book. It’s really entertaining and funny. I would recommend!!
May 1, 2022
As an adult who could easily be the main character’s mother, this was either 2 or 3 stars. I increased my rating because when I was age of the target audience, I think I would have liked it more. I found it really difficult to believe that she could get away with canceling her party so many times and that nobody noticed for years that her anxiety was so bad that she physically couldn’t talk to new people, especially when her mother was also receiving therapy for the same thing.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 7, 2023
As someone who has anxiety and was only recently diagnosed, but likely had it for years undetected, this is anxiety. The fear, the avoidance, the inability to communicate what you truly need/want, this is an excellent book for basically anyone.
I have heard some people say Ellie was selfish. Ellie is twelve, Ellie has anxiety, and Ellie hasn't been able to communicate, or even realize, what she wants. I have had situations where my anxiety caused comparable emotions to what she feels.
I have heard some people say Ellie was selfish. Ellie is twelve, Ellie has anxiety, and Ellie hasn't been able to communicate, or even realize, what she wants. I have had situations where my anxiety caused comparable emotions to what she feels.
April 26, 2022
Right off of the bat. The title sounds so bratty. The cover just looks so bad. But- It was actually pretty ok. I guess don't judge a book by it's cover. The writing wasn't actually the horrendous. And the characters and plot weren't unbearable. My personal problem is with the character. She's just so entitled, self-centered, and dramatic. I get that she has anxiety, but she has no awareness for the people around her, and how her actions could affect others. Finally, by the end she at least recognizes Zoe's problems. I also feel like her anxiety was just too big in her personality. I makes her do things that aren't logical and don't make sense. Either disappoint your parents because you don't want a big bat mitzvah OR RUIN their handwork and burn a hole through their pockets. Again, the writing style is ok, and I like Zoe, but Ellie, the main character is just so unlikable to me. Zoe is the real MVP though. I like her a lot, and honestly if she existed in real life I would want to be her friend. There were parts that I would've quit, but I stayed just because I wanted to see Zoe again.
I think that "It's My Party and I Don't Want to Go" is mediocre. There are good elements, but I don't think you should waste your time going through the whole book trying to find them.
I think that "It's My Party and I Don't Want to Go" is mediocre. There are good elements, but I don't think you should waste your time going through the whole book trying to find them.
July 28, 2023
I read this with my kids. Entertaining but the main character was so frustrating! We learned a lot about the Jewish religion so that was good!
May 14, 2025
Probably more of a 3.7,The book was good and I rlly connected with the main character
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews