You Don't Have To Die In The End

by Anita Daher

Eugenia Grimm is a tough girl living in a tough town at the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. She drinks and fights and pushes against expectations. She is also hurting. After her father died by suicide on her eighth birthday, her older brothers drifted away and her mother up and left when she turned 14, Eugenia has not made the best choices. After a last-straw violent incident and faced with the possibility of incarceration, she is sentenced to time at an Intensive Support and Supervision Program located at a remote mountain ranch. There, she begins to make connections, explore difficult truths, and might even turn things around—until a series of events pull her into a dark spiral she may not have the strength to resist.

Genres: Young Adult, Canada

272 pages, Paperback

Published April 1, 2020

Reviews

[Junie · Rating 2 out of 5]

My main impression of this book was 'this book needs an editor'. It has typos and inconsistencies, as well as major pacing issues. It drags in the middle and I thought the ending was too short. The pacing of the writing made every scene feel exactly the same. The tense scenes had no tension to them because they were written identically to the relaxed dialogue scenes. All this would be resolved with a better editor.

Ignoring that as best I can, I think it was okay. The main character was all right. I thought Luda was sort of interesting, but I felt their gender was over-explained in ways that broke the flow. In most cases, I think it isn't relevant to bring up the assigned gender at birth of a nonbinary character, and this is one of those cases. The concept of the book is fairly intriguing, but I felt the execution just needed some work.

It's really weird to name-drop yourself in your own book. It took me out of the moment.

EDIT: dropped my rating to 2.5/5 stars upon reflection

[Karen Upper · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a heart-wrenching, gut-punching, yet sensitive portrayal of a teen in turmoil!!!

I believe Ms. Daher has captured the angst that is often felt as one experiences childhood and all its foibles.
Eugenia [Genie] Grimm is a teen that is unknowingly 'lost' within turmoil that is the result of a tragic circumstance. She is haunted and thus psychologically locked by her past. This is reflected by all her 'running'...physically and literally.

This is a very powerful narrative, and the emotional journey that the reader will find themselves on, will definitely have them gripping the pages until the end!

PS> I Love the acknowledgements and backstory that the author provided.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!
FIVE STARS

Thank you to Great Plains Publications for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Heather Gobbett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ok, maybe I’m a bit biased, but this is a great story! It’s one of those stories that you lose yourself in as you experience the highs and lows of Eugenia’s life. Anita Daher’a character development is excellent as were drawn into the lives of the characters and their stories. It is inspiring to know that there really are places in this world like the ranch, with people committed to helping tough kids learn about life, and themselves. Read this book!!!

[Barb Neaman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not great at reviewing books - I know what I like and when a story speaks to me. This story spoke. It's a reminder that we are not only products of our childhood, but also of deep secrets buried inside, an unaware how they have been shaping our lives. It's a reminder that keeping lines of communication open, even though it can be tough, can also be freeing. Anita Daher took a deep dive into what this can look like with the characters in this novel.

[adithi · Rating 3 out of 5]

ehhhh, it was honestly kind of a mess for a white pine book. the author name-dropping herself was really weird. this felt like a bad spinoff of everything beautiful is not ruined which dealt with a similar topic but was a lot better. last thing: please, for god's sake, no one calls their sister 'sis' and their brother 'brother.' no one.

[Caitlin Hicks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anita Daher’s Y/A novel “You Don’t Have to Die in the End” begins with an uncomfortable incident with her friend Luda late at night, after a drinking binge that almost kills the man Luda tries to run down with her vehicle. Due to the violent and unpredictable nature of this attack, the reader is firmly on-side with the narrator, who cringes at the close-call nature of this familiar scenario. Apparently, Luda and Eugenia are a couple of under-age delinquents bent on making trouble and acting bad ass. But we understand in bits and pieces that Eugenia has been damaged by profound incidents from her troubled childhood: her father died by suicide, her brothers drifted away and her mother left suddenly. And from the get-go, there is a sense of restraint inherent in Eugenia. This hesitancy to give in to outright brutality during drunken mischief is an element of her character that helps to carry Eugenia throughout the book towards a better life.

As the narrative is being set up, Eugenia describes her friend Luda is ‘non binary and queer’ and immediately after defines herself as ‘cis’. She address Luda using the plural pronouns ‘they’, ‘their’ and ‘them’ rather than the expected ‘hers’ or ‘his’ or ‘he’ or ‘she’. At the outset, this unusual bit of deference is confusing and keeps the reader at a distance – did I miss something? Why is she saying ‘they’? Who are ‘they’? Daher explains it concisely in a paragraph: “Luda was fine with being assigned female at birth, but felt what their gender meant to them was no one’s business but their own.” If you’re not reading closely; if you aren’t familiar with this fluid gender world, this will make you pause every time you hear they when you expect a singular pronoun; when you see two people instead of one: Luda.

The story gets going from Eugenia’s point of view, as she becomes involved in another violent incident, as she goes to court and gets what we understand as a final ‘break’ - a last chance to redeem herself from a life of truancy -- a sentence to live and work at an Intensive Support and Supervision program on a remote mountain ranch. A drop-out honour student in grade eleven, Eugenia can see this is preferable to incarceration.

Daher does a deft job at pulling the reader into the struggle of the protagonist with Eugenia’s colourful language and distinct voice: she’s tough with a heart of gold, super observant and extremely articulate. At the ranch, it’s satisfying to see the tasks Eugenia is heaped with and how well she tackles them: clearing land, digging holes, hauling brush, taming wild horses, scrubbing dishes, chopping wood, even accounting – the gamut. Hearing of her soreness the next day is only part of our admiration for this young woman; by now we’re fully rooting for her. As Eugenia meets others at the ranch, she tries to fit in without outrightly conforming; there is always the sense of her rebellious personality, the injustice she feels and the weight of unresolved trauma at being abandoned by her family.

The reader can sense Eugenia’s tightrope walk every time she is assigned another task at the ranch. This and the underlying understanding that there is no one looking out for her, that she’s truly on her own, that she has to figure it out herself -- creates a tension in the narrative. Will she get revenge when she’s been pranked by her fellow inmates? Will she give into anger when she is provoked?

Daher creates a tangible and beautiful world at the ranch, describing the sounds and smells and vistas of this remote location; she invents a believable cast of characters who with their own individual quirks, help Eugenia begin to trust and feel safe in the world.

I really enjoyed this following this young woman, and her adventure back into the world of healing – and as a writer, was delighted with the surprise that the real life author somehow put herself in the narrative – if only fleetingly!

[Maureen Ulrich · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my first Anita Daher read, but it won't be my last. There's so much I can say about this gritty, contemporary YA novel, but no one likes a spoiler. The title says everything you need to know about the sixteen year old protagonist. Eugenia Grimm's a kid with no hope. As she says when disappointment knocks her down once more, "I’d forgotten one of my life rules: keep your expectations low." From Page One, I am fearful for her, pulling for her, hoping she'll turn things around. Then a judge sends her to an alternative measures facility called Reason's Wait in the mountains of BC, a rustic paradise former paramedic Noah Danby created to help kids in trouble. At last, I think, this is the place she'll find herself. But Eugenia is doubtful. "In time, I’d let him (Noah) down. Faith meant you had something to live up to. It was both a challenge and a trap." Daher's novel is peopled with characters who step off the page right into your heart. Buy this book, read it for yourself, and give it to a kid you know. You won't be sorry.

[Bill Arnott · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book for most ages, although recommended, more or less, for teens and up. Not a typical go-to for me but when a story, characters and place are intriguing, I enjoy anything written well. Which is how I feel about Anita Daher’s "You Don’t Have to Die in the End." Like many novels, I feel as though I've now met this author, in part, albeit through a writer’s gossamer of fictitious characters, that watery murk we use, perhaps, to reveal tiny slices of ourselves. Whether reading for pleasure, escape or insight, like me, you’ll be pleased with this enjoyable book.

[Darah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Overall, I just didn't enjoy the book. I really wanted to like it, and I actually liked it a lot at the start, but then there were too many characters without enough real development, and there wasn't a real reason for me to keep reading throughout most of the book because the plot wasn't that interesting. It had good themes though, and I liked the ending I guess.

[Kaitlyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first time that i am giving a book 5 stars out of 5, but that's because it was a powerful and emotional one. It made me never want to put it down as the pace was amazing, and the elements of thrill as to what would happen next made me never want to put it down. The book was such an emotional rollercoaster as well, making me tear up near the end because i could feel just how much everyone around Eugenia Grimm was struggling due to their own traumatic pasts. The characters were well-rounded and i rooted for each and every one of them, especially for Eugenia Grimm due to how she says life has been treating her so far. I loved reading it, and i wish i could buy it somewhere so i could re read it in the future. It's a favourite of mine because it was just so well rounded and drastically different from the books that i have been reading recently.

[Ian · Rating 4 out of 5]

An engaging YA kind of read.

[Enid Wray · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this novel. Great setting and concept… wilderness survival/adventure as healing and therapeutic… this worked for me. And the Rockies (although never exactly identified… AB? or BC? Fort St. Luke = Fort St. John?? It has right feel to it… would be interested to know...).

Strong characters, especially Genie (although it took a bit to warm up to her… too much ‘woe is me’ at the start - but it was necessary). And if only every troubled kid could have a Noah in their corner. I felt her vulnerability… and was also heartbroken at what she, and her brothers, had to go through… and the baggage/guilt they were carrying (rightly or wrongly)... and anger that the system ‘allows’ her to carry it for 8 years!! Lots of issues addressed, but never ever did I feel like the author was ticking boxes: child abuse; family services; alcohol/substance abuse; youth justice; suicide; parenting (lack of); LGBTQ+.

And the messaging… solid: you gotta push through; Expectations, and faith - having something to live up to; we all have (and make) choices; accepting/liking yourself… in the moment; and one I believe more and more the older I get… we are where we are meant to be at any moment in time!

I did find it a little preachy, or altogether too cute (Grimm, Rubicon, etc.) in places. Also, the epilogue was completely unnecessary. You knew that she would - eventually - deal with her Mom issues - and decide to meet her. Lastly I really dislike the conceit of the author inserting herself as a character in the story.

But notwithstanding these complaints… this is an everyone must read title.

[MaryLou Driedger · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading the first five chapters of this book I considered not finishing it because Eugenia Grimm, the teenage protagonist has such a troubled life! It was tough allowing myself to be drawn into her dark world. Her father has committed suicide and her mother has abandoned her. Eugenia's brother and his wife, who live in a small Western Canadian town, have taken her in, but Eugenia is understandably angry and confused. She is making such bad decisions! Eugenia seems to be hurtling towards an early death but......... the title of the book You Don't Have To Die in the End assured me she'd survive. So I kept reading.
The novel becomes much more hopeful both for the reader and our heroine Eugenia when she is arrested and qualifies for a special youth program that sends her winging up on a plane to a remote ranch in northern British Columbia. There Eugenia's relationship with the caring but tough staff, the other kids, and the ranch horses help her begin to pull her life together.  The wilderness setting is like a breath of fresh air and inspires optimism, but Eugenia still faces enough pitfalls and obstacles to keep readers intrigued with her story.

[Kellie Kamryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book follows the life of Eugenia Grimm, a young woman at a turning point in her life. Known for fighting and drinking, she appears doomed to follow the path of her brother, never to escape the tragic past of their family. Given the choice to enter a special program or face jail time, she chooses the program, thus launching herself onto a path of healing that brings her face to face with her greatest fears.
Written in exquisite prose and with intricate detail, we see into Eugenia's mind, her heart, and her soul. The reader is taken on a journey of healing, one that witnesses the effect of a single person making a different choice that ripples outward into a family much in need of healing. As Eugenia learns to communicate with herself, she finds the strength and courage to speak to others, opening herself up in a way she'd closed herself off from years ago.
I cried and laughed while reading, and when I was finished, I knew I'd never feel the same. This book is sure to touch your heart in ways you hadn't imagined.

[A.J. Richmond · Rating 5 out of 5]

Through a series of unexpected events I had the great honour to be one of the first people to get my hands on a copy of this book.

As a fellow Canadian author, I was excited to dive into a story set in the beautiful Rockies. And oh wow, this book did not disappoint!

Told from the perspective of 16 year old Eugenia, we see how a troubled past does not have to define your future. We all have choices, opportunities, and decisions to make. And sometimes we need to learn these the hard way.

If you enjoy coming of age novels with lots of angst and heart then you’ll love this book. I sure did!

[Raveena S. · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars.

Ngl, I can't tell if being forced to speed read this book made the experience better or worse. I think a bit of both.

The middle part was kinda long and drawn out, but it did have some of the fluff that I desperately needed, which made it okay. And also speed reading made it not seem as long.

The ending is what made me round down instead of up though? Like, its not bad, its just sudden. Just... everything started happening and it escalated quickly, and I think that it would have worked a lot better if the ending was more drawn out. It just wasn't satisfying and left me kinda confused actually.

The epilogue was pretty nice though

[Camila]

I really enjoyed what this book was trying to do. The story and characters were very intriguing, and I saw some development, which was good, and the theme of the book was clear and concise. The main issues I had with this novel were the editing and atmosphere. I saw a lot of typos throughout, and I couldn't really tell what certain characters looked like or the environments they were in. As for the writing itself, I think it worked for the novel and was unique, with some of the dialogue being weird.

[Janice Robertson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wanted more action to happen when Eugenia Grimm was away at the ranch program. That’s the only thing that stopped me from giving it a perfect score. Enjoyed it very much. Couldn’t help thinking it was like a more grown up version of Eric Waters’ book STARS. Eugenia chooses a ranch program over jail thinking how hard could it be? Well, she’s going to find out.

[Kareen Samuels · Rating 4 out of 5]

Apart from the gut wrenching, real human emotions is the rich bucolic setting. So refreshing. I could literally feel the setting transforming the main character. I love the ending, it is not a fairytale ending niether is it idealist but an actual depiction of a family in crisis and their great desire to help each other change for the better.

[Kayleigh Strong · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. The plot reminded me of "The First Stone" by Don Aker which I read as part of my English class. Overall a good book that touched on some important topics such as guilt, change and gender identity.