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Happy Down Below: Everything You Want to Know About the Penis and Other Bits
"Treat yourself and your man-root to a thorough and often uproarious read-through. Your health prospects will be pointing at the ceiling in no time."—Peter Moore, former editor of Men's Health Men are notoriously reluctant to see a doctor. Only three in five men report going for an annual physical, and over 40 percent only ever visit the clinic when their symptoms become unbearable. Many know little or nothing about their bodies, with dire consequences for their well-being. In Happy Down Below , men’s health specialist Dr. Oliver Gralla provides a clever and highly entertaining remedy to that situation. Packed with colorful anecdotes and quirky illustrations, this cheeky guidebook offers practical tips and clear, accessible explanations for helping men (and women) better understand the male body, learn to care for it, and become more comfortable speaking about it with their doctors when things go wrong. With plenty of relatable metaphors and a light, conversational tone, Dr. Gralla provides simple, research-based answers to questions such Do male enhancement pills actually work? Why does erectile dysfunction happen and how is it treated? What is a “normal” penis―and how big is it really ? And much, much more.
- GenresNonfiction
224 pages, Paperback
Published June 4, 2018
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
December 11, 2019
I don't think I really wanted to know what stuff men stuff into their orifices :) Then I shouldn't have picked the book, right? Anyway, I had a good laugh and some cringey moments :)
Q:
“Aha! We have found something that doesn’t belong,” I began, “and this something is pretty large. Do you have any suggestions as to how it got there?”
“Ah, yes . . . They must be the steel balls from the workshop, the ones I pushed up my urethra last month.”
I remained silent and glanced, perplexed, out the window. In disbelief, I looked back at Mr. K. and then again out of the window. Then again at the X-ray, the window, and Mr. K. Somehow the comment, the X-ray plate, and the story that was just beginning to emerge in my mind didn’t match the concept of human beings that I had developed over the years and that up to a few moments earlier I’d still had. “Okay. . .” I gathered myself. “Slowly and from the beginning. Which workshop? No, a different question. Why have you got hundreds of balls the size of .45 Magnum bullets . . . Er, no, how did you . . .”
I was a little lost about what to write in the outpatient file. Then I said something that always works: “Just explain what happened.” And Mr. K. cheerfully launched into his story.
“Okay. I found a big sack full of steel balls from an abandoned warehouse in the workshop—they’d been set aside for disposal. I took them home and stored them there. Last month I was relaxing in the tub, and I asked myself, What would happen if I stuck one of them into my penis? Then suddenly there it was inside and it didn’t hurt a bit.”
“Yes, obviously. And then?” I asked incredulously.“Then I was surprised that the ball didn’t come out, and I put another one in. Then another, and another. Eventually, there was a plop in my stomach and it tickled a bit.”
“Yes, congratulations! You were witnessing the balls passing through your prostate and popping up into your bladder,” I said, trying to give him an understanding of the anatomical realities of the male urinary tract.
“Yes, exactly! And the tickling sensation was so pleasant that I fed in all the remaining balls.”
“When I look at the small clusters of raspberries in your bladder, I’d say there are about three hundred balls that you must have painstakingly massaged along the urethra. Is that about right?”
“Four hundred twenty-seven,” Mr. K. reported proudly.
I advised him to keep away from airport security until after the operation if he wanted to avoid stupid questions. (c)
Q:
And this first story is of a man who, wandering through the woods shortly before Christmas, stuck an evergreen bough into his urethra with the intention of masturbatory pleasure.
We’d already heard stories of doped bodybuilders who, thanks to veterinary doses of testosterone and out of pure horniness, are supposed to have tried to penetrate the outlets of vending machines. How someone makes the jump to Christmas decorations, however, remains a mystery. ...
So there the man was, standing bowlegged in the hospital, bits of greenery dangling from his pants and blood dripping onto his shoes. ... (c)
Q:
WHAT WE HAVE had so far: a dildo up the backside, a pine bough up the urethra, and a number of different penis rings. On top of these, and the order is random, my colleagues and I have recovered the following everyday objects: a pencil (as an erection aid), a paint brush (badger’s hair, da Vinci model), a pearl necklace (belonging to Grandma), a telephone cable (coiled), plaster (initially liquid, then not), and maggots (alive); paper clips, pen refills, and felt-tip-pen caps (the urethra office); wall hooks, nails, and snap hooks (the urethra workshop); and a plastic action figure (crawling). It seems almost impossible to top this list... (c)
Q:
Noradrenaline is adrenaline’s little sister. Besides having cardiovascular effects, it also has hormonal effects as a neurotransmitter enhancing alertness and focusing attention. Dopamine is the Swiss Army knife of neurotransmitters and is involved in mood, learning capacities, sleep, and motor functions, to name just a few things.
If cortisol has used up all these messenger substances—and we’re talking just a few milligrams swimming around in the bloodstream—a huge, gaping, dark abyss opens up into which the patient falls with all the associated ailments. That’s what burnout looks like at least from the perspective of a neurotransmitter. (c)
Q:
The new gem in his toy chest was a polished chrome ring as thick as a thumb. ...
In loose-fitting jogging pants, and slightly embarrassed by his unfortunate lot, he arrived at the urological unit. After obligatory attempts with soapy water proved to be woefully unsuccessful, all participants became quickly aware that given the material’s strength, it would have to be countered with more appropriate techniques. By the time the fire department finally arrived, the poor patient, in ever-increasing pain, was equally embarrassed by and okay with the fact that this was a whole troop of four seasoned hulks who understandably, despite or maybe because of their entrance complete with fire department helmets and heavy-duty boots, were unable to hide a slight twitching around the corners of their mouths. Whether Mr. M. would have preferred to see a fireman’s axe remains unknown. At any rate, he probably had a happier face when they walked in than the moment the hydraulic pliers appeared—the tool used for cutting through car wrecks to free road accident victims.
We quickly agreed to carry out the operation under anesthetic, more as an attempt to safeguard the patient’s psyche than as a medical necessity. Besides, in whispered voices and with hands over our mouths, we nonpatients shared our doubts whether four firemen and a urologist were enough to guarantee the complete immobility that a patient needs in a situation like this! (c)
Q:
“Aha! We have found something that doesn’t belong,” I began, “and this something is pretty large. Do you have any suggestions as to how it got there?”
“Ah, yes . . . They must be the steel balls from the workshop, the ones I pushed up my urethra last month.”
I remained silent and glanced, perplexed, out the window. In disbelief, I looked back at Mr. K. and then again out of the window. Then again at the X-ray, the window, and Mr. K. Somehow the comment, the X-ray plate, and the story that was just beginning to emerge in my mind didn’t match the concept of human beings that I had developed over the years and that up to a few moments earlier I’d still had. “Okay. . .” I gathered myself. “Slowly and from the beginning. Which workshop? No, a different question. Why have you got hundreds of balls the size of .45 Magnum bullets . . . Er, no, how did you . . .”
I was a little lost about what to write in the outpatient file. Then I said something that always works: “Just explain what happened.” And Mr. K. cheerfully launched into his story.
“Okay. I found a big sack full of steel balls from an abandoned warehouse in the workshop—they’d been set aside for disposal. I took them home and stored them there. Last month I was relaxing in the tub, and I asked myself, What would happen if I stuck one of them into my penis? Then suddenly there it was inside and it didn’t hurt a bit.”
“Yes, obviously. And then?” I asked incredulously.“Then I was surprised that the ball didn’t come out, and I put another one in. Then another, and another. Eventually, there was a plop in my stomach and it tickled a bit.”
“Yes, congratulations! You were witnessing the balls passing through your prostate and popping up into your bladder,” I said, trying to give him an understanding of the anatomical realities of the male urinary tract.
“Yes, exactly! And the tickling sensation was so pleasant that I fed in all the remaining balls.”
“When I look at the small clusters of raspberries in your bladder, I’d say there are about three hundred balls that you must have painstakingly massaged along the urethra. Is that about right?”
“Four hundred twenty-seven,” Mr. K. reported proudly.
I advised him to keep away from airport security until after the operation if he wanted to avoid stupid questions. (c)
Q:
And this first story is of a man who, wandering through the woods shortly before Christmas, stuck an evergreen bough into his urethra with the intention of masturbatory pleasure.
We’d already heard stories of doped bodybuilders who, thanks to veterinary doses of testosterone and out of pure horniness, are supposed to have tried to penetrate the outlets of vending machines. How someone makes the jump to Christmas decorations, however, remains a mystery. ...
So there the man was, standing bowlegged in the hospital, bits of greenery dangling from his pants and blood dripping onto his shoes. ... (c)
Q:
WHAT WE HAVE had so far: a dildo up the backside, a pine bough up the urethra, and a number of different penis rings. On top of these, and the order is random, my colleagues and I have recovered the following everyday objects: a pencil (as an erection aid), a paint brush (badger’s hair, da Vinci model), a pearl necklace (belonging to Grandma), a telephone cable (coiled), plaster (initially liquid, then not), and maggots (alive); paper clips, pen refills, and felt-tip-pen caps (the urethra office); wall hooks, nails, and snap hooks (the urethra workshop); and a plastic action figure (crawling). It seems almost impossible to top this list... (c)
Q:
Noradrenaline is adrenaline’s little sister. Besides having cardiovascular effects, it also has hormonal effects as a neurotransmitter enhancing alertness and focusing attention. Dopamine is the Swiss Army knife of neurotransmitters and is involved in mood, learning capacities, sleep, and motor functions, to name just a few things.
If cortisol has used up all these messenger substances—and we’re talking just a few milligrams swimming around in the bloodstream—a huge, gaping, dark abyss opens up into which the patient falls with all the associated ailments. That’s what burnout looks like at least from the perspective of a neurotransmitter. (c)
Q:
The new gem in his toy chest was a polished chrome ring as thick as a thumb. ...
In loose-fitting jogging pants, and slightly embarrassed by his unfortunate lot, he arrived at the urological unit. After obligatory attempts with soapy water proved to be woefully unsuccessful, all participants became quickly aware that given the material’s strength, it would have to be countered with more appropriate techniques. By the time the fire department finally arrived, the poor patient, in ever-increasing pain, was equally embarrassed by and okay with the fact that this was a whole troop of four seasoned hulks who understandably, despite or maybe because of their entrance complete with fire department helmets and heavy-duty boots, were unable to hide a slight twitching around the corners of their mouths. Whether Mr. M. would have preferred to see a fireman’s axe remains unknown. At any rate, he probably had a happier face when they walked in than the moment the hydraulic pliers appeared—the tool used for cutting through car wrecks to free road accident victims.
We quickly agreed to carry out the operation under anesthetic, more as an attempt to safeguard the patient’s psyche than as a medical necessity. Besides, in whispered voices and with hands over our mouths, we nonpatients shared our doubts whether four firemen and a urologist were enough to guarantee the complete immobility that a patient needs in a situation like this! (c)
July 7, 2023
One thing that I can say for certain is that Happy down below made me laugh a lot. Its an extremely funny book. The chapter that made me laugh the most was Chapter 9: Things that do not belong in orifices. I was laughing hard reading that chapter. There were also other things that made me laugh while reading Happy down below.
One thing I wish the book had were diagrams of the male anatomy it talked about. I thought Happy down below was easy to read since it did not have many if any big words. And I thought it covered what I would have expected from a book mostly about males. The prostate, infertility, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and some other things about the penis. It even has a chapter about Women's Urology.
One thing I wish the book had were diagrams of the male anatomy it talked about. I thought Happy down below was easy to read since it did not have many if any big words. And I thought it covered what I would have expected from a book mostly about males. The prostate, infertility, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and some other things about the penis. It even has a chapter about Women's Urology.
June 2, 2024
Synopsis: Its a non-fiction book about men's reproductive organ, helping men and women understand male body, talking about the size of the p*nis and other related topics like premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, prostate, infertility, testosterone.
Its funny, witty filled with patients the author has seen in his practice. There are very practical useful information that we need and are considered as a taboo to talk about. And I think that although the book is about male part, a woman should read it too.
Its funny, witty filled with patients the author has seen in his practice. There are very practical useful information that we need and are considered as a taboo to talk about. And I think that although the book is about male part, a woman should read it too.
March 6, 2020
Some of the cases described made me cringe! ... luckily, some others made me laugh at loud :-)
April 27, 2021
Detalizēti un tiešām informatīvi par uroloģijas tēmu. Šokējoši mediķu pieredzes stāsti. No grafiska melnā humora līdz medicīniskiem, bet viegli saprotamiem aprakstiem.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews