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Survivor Moms: Women's Stories of Birthing, Mothering and Healing after Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse and the reactions to it affect mothers' whole lives--from thinking about having children all the way to being grandmothers.
Survivor Moms was written to help break down the isolation pregnant women and their caregivers often feel--as though they were the only ones having to cope with these challenges. In 1998, together with a team of survivors, therapists, and midwives, Mickey Sperlich developed a survey project called "Survivor Moms Speak Out." This survey asked basic questions about the ways in which survivors felt that their pregnancies, births, postpartum and mothering had been influenced by their history as survivors. A total of 207 surveys were returned, and from this number 81 women completed a narrative or contributed a poem. Excerpts from these narratives form the basis of Survivor Moms.
The book also includes some complete narratives along with resources and information from current research. You'll be able to read the clinical perspectives of midwives and contributions from other health care professionals, and you will learn about the implications of women's experiences for their care and discover suggestions for working together during maternity care and beyond.
You need Survivor Moms if you are a survivor, a midwife, a mental health provider or if you know a survivor who is on this path. This book will teach you about abuse, mothering and the ongoing journey of healing and surviving. It will also help you discover what you can do to help.
Chapters cover:
* Life before Motherhood
* Pregnancy
* Labor and Birth
* Postpartum and Breastfeeding
* Mothering and Attachment
* Healing and Survivorship
- GenresParentingNonfiction
245 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2008
5 people are currently reading
144 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
August 16, 2023
I've read a few books on this topic, including the most well known one "When Survivors Give Birth" and I think Survivor Moms is the best one currently out there. It is filled with information, and arguably too many examples, but it touches on a wide variety of topics and the focus is geared towards moms (instead of a split focus between moms, educators, and providers). About halfway through I started feeling distracted by the large number of examples given, and 3/4 the way through I was just skimming and skipping parts that didn't feel particularly relevant. Another criticism for the book is the imbalance between positive stories shared about healing/empowerment and negative experiences. This book shares a majority of negative experiences in pregnancy, birth, and parenthood as a result of abuse and the authors could have done better to offer a healthier balance.
October 24, 2011
If you are a doula or any other sort of birth professional, run do not walk to your nearest book source to get "Survivor Moms" by Julia Seng and Mickey Sperlich. I happen to live in Ann Arbor, Michigan, the hippest place in the (sort of) Midwest, and Ann Arbor is home to many amazing midwives, doulas, and obstetricians. Really. We have at least FOUR awesome obstetricians in our town and those are just four whom I know personally. There might even be more than four, which definitely puts us in "hippest" territory. Anyway, Ann Arbor is where Julia and Mickey lives so I have the pleasure of knowing Mickey and Julia personally.
"Survivor Moms" is the book I didn't know I needed when I was a fledgling doula. I supported many new mothers on their birthing journeys and left the births shaking my head. What happened there? I would wonder. Someone who said she wanted one thing turned into a completely different person in labor. Or she got "stuck" at some point in labor and we just couldn't shake it. Then she would cry and shake all over and labor would get going again. Huh? Or her mistrust of the hospital personnel was so huge that it took over labor. Keeping nurses out of the room became the only way to keep the mom from getting hysterical.
I knew the stats, like any feminist should. I knew that many women experience childhood sexual abuse and/or date rape and/or domestic violence with their partners. The thing is, I just didn't connect the dots the way I should have. I didn't think deeply about how these experiences could impact birth.
One client for whom I was a volunteer doula clarified it all for me, though. I knew about her heartbreaking childhood and I could see that trusting anyone (myself, included) was an act of heroism on her part. I watched the nurses react to her mistrust as if she were an imbecile. She succeeded in having a natural hospital birth, but I can only describe the battle with her two nurses as a war. We were all wounded by the end.
This book, "Survivor Moms," is the book that I wish I had read before that birth... and before so many others. Now that I've explored the wisdom offered here, I shudder at the thought of thousands of nurses and obstetricians blithely attending women in birth without a single thought to their sexual history. When women have survived unspeakable violence to their sexual selves, it can have a tremendous impact on their labors.
But what I appreciate most is the call for non-judgement. Some survivor moms need support to take control of their bodies in ways that natural birth advocates do not always readily support. They may need to schedule c-sections in order to feel in control of their sexuality and reproductive selves. They cannot bear having strangers gazing at and touching their genitals. A c-section feels empowering. And other survivor moms need support to be as in control of their natural, vaginal birth as possible. They may need to refuse vaginal exams, for instance. These moms may find birth healing, as they use wounded parts of their bodies and souls to produce goodness and new life. As a doula, I feel better prepared to provide this support now that I've read what dozens of survivor moms have to say about their birthing experiences. I love this book!
"Survivor Moms" is the book I didn't know I needed when I was a fledgling doula. I supported many new mothers on their birthing journeys and left the births shaking my head. What happened there? I would wonder. Someone who said she wanted one thing turned into a completely different person in labor. Or she got "stuck" at some point in labor and we just couldn't shake it. Then she would cry and shake all over and labor would get going again. Huh? Or her mistrust of the hospital personnel was so huge that it took over labor. Keeping nurses out of the room became the only way to keep the mom from getting hysterical.
I knew the stats, like any feminist should. I knew that many women experience childhood sexual abuse and/or date rape and/or domestic violence with their partners. The thing is, I just didn't connect the dots the way I should have. I didn't think deeply about how these experiences could impact birth.
One client for whom I was a volunteer doula clarified it all for me, though. I knew about her heartbreaking childhood and I could see that trusting anyone (myself, included) was an act of heroism on her part. I watched the nurses react to her mistrust as if she were an imbecile. She succeeded in having a natural hospital birth, but I can only describe the battle with her two nurses as a war. We were all wounded by the end.
This book, "Survivor Moms," is the book that I wish I had read before that birth... and before so many others. Now that I've explored the wisdom offered here, I shudder at the thought of thousands of nurses and obstetricians blithely attending women in birth without a single thought to their sexual history. When women have survived unspeakable violence to their sexual selves, it can have a tremendous impact on their labors.
But what I appreciate most is the call for non-judgement. Some survivor moms need support to take control of their bodies in ways that natural birth advocates do not always readily support. They may need to schedule c-sections in order to feel in control of their sexuality and reproductive selves. They cannot bear having strangers gazing at and touching their genitals. A c-section feels empowering. And other survivor moms need support to be as in control of their natural, vaginal birth as possible. They may need to refuse vaginal exams, for instance. These moms may find birth healing, as they use wounded parts of their bodies and souls to produce goodness and new life. As a doula, I feel better prepared to provide this support now that I've read what dozens of survivor moms have to say about their birthing experiences. I love this book!
October 24, 2014
The survivor response to this book is mixed, from what I have seen online and heard anecdotally. Some survivors reading it have shared how triggering it was for them. And I completely hear that. Sperlich and Seng’s work is very through. So I would be hesitant to recommend it as a read to survivors. But as a tool for professionals who deal with survivors, Survivor Moms is indispensable.
Survivor Moms begins at the beginning: before the survivor is even a mom. The authors look at the range of affects that trauma can have on the woman in adulthood (PTSD, substance abuse issues, disordered eating, etc.) leading up to pregnancy. Frustratingly, there isn’t any mention of the link between abuse and infertility which seems very obvious to me but there’s no mention of that here that I could find. The book ends with hope and tools for healing setting the stage of recovery as a “lifelong process” (208). That phrase along with many interspersed in this book really underscore the many valuable messages in this book which often come from primary sources, which makes the book all the more powerful.Survivor Moms is extremely well researched and offer up the voices of many survivors as testimonials to that research. Those stories are what truly make this book both accessible and unique. I appreciate that the book includes a broader look at sexual abuse in general and doesn’t limit it’s scope to childhood.
What is missing in my mind, though, is the linkage to intimate partner violence. Not only would that be helpful for survivors to understand but for professionals as well. Sexual assault doesn’t happen in a vacuum; it is part of the power and control dynamics of intimate partner violence. Sexual abuse is planned and purposeful, unless it is perpetuated by a stranger. Threats, intimidation, scare tactics like harming beloved pets or siblings are hallmark indicators of intimate partner violence. They are classic tools of control used by an abuser. “Even” if those were the only tools used in a “relationship”, educators and advocates would still qualify that relationship as abusive. These scary pieces are often part of the survivor stories in Survivor Moms. Linking sexual abuse to the bigger picture of intimate partner violence feels essential.
That said, I think Survivor Moms is a hugely positive step toward helping educate the public, and survivors themselves, about the prevalence of sexual abuse and its impact on women and mothers.
Survivor Moms begins at the beginning: before the survivor is even a mom. The authors look at the range of affects that trauma can have on the woman in adulthood (PTSD, substance abuse issues, disordered eating, etc.) leading up to pregnancy. Frustratingly, there isn’t any mention of the link between abuse and infertility which seems very obvious to me but there’s no mention of that here that I could find. The book ends with hope and tools for healing setting the stage of recovery as a “lifelong process” (208). That phrase along with many interspersed in this book really underscore the many valuable messages in this book which often come from primary sources, which makes the book all the more powerful.Survivor Moms is extremely well researched and offer up the voices of many survivors as testimonials to that research. Those stories are what truly make this book both accessible and unique. I appreciate that the book includes a broader look at sexual abuse in general and doesn’t limit it’s scope to childhood.
What is missing in my mind, though, is the linkage to intimate partner violence. Not only would that be helpful for survivors to understand but for professionals as well. Sexual assault doesn’t happen in a vacuum; it is part of the power and control dynamics of intimate partner violence. Sexual abuse is planned and purposeful, unless it is perpetuated by a stranger. Threats, intimidation, scare tactics like harming beloved pets or siblings are hallmark indicators of intimate partner violence. They are classic tools of control used by an abuser. “Even” if those were the only tools used in a “relationship”, educators and advocates would still qualify that relationship as abusive. These scary pieces are often part of the survivor stories in Survivor Moms. Linking sexual abuse to the bigger picture of intimate partner violence feels essential.
That said, I think Survivor Moms is a hugely positive step toward helping educate the public, and survivors themselves, about the prevalence of sexual abuse and its impact on women and mothers.
May 8, 2015
You can read my thoughts here: http://tremendoulas.com/?p=337
May 12, 2016
Great resource book.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews