What do you think?
Rate this book
Good Sexual Citizenship: How to Create a (Sexually) Safer World
Why is it that there is so much sexual injustice in the world? Why is it that a woman’s looks define who she is while men are defined by . . . everything else? Why is it that heteronormative relationships are embraced everywhere, but others are questioned, challenged, or viewed as sinful? Why do we mold children into what we, as a society, expect them to be through toys, clothes, and life lessons? Our society is undergoing an evolution, and it’s everyone’s duty to become “good sexual citizens,” so that all people, regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, ability, age, ethnicity, race, religion, social class, location, or origin are treated as humans deserving of respect.
Good Sexual Citizenship is a call to action that asks every citizen to break down inherent sexual hostility and build up something a whole lot better. To promote understanding and tolerance, Friedrichs includes a factual and historical backdrop on gender disparities, women’s rights, sexual violence, prevention, and sex education and challenges readers to question their own identity as “good sexual citizens” with guided exercises. Covering many topics like consent, sexual assault, pleasure, double standards, casual sex and hook-up culture, and teen sex, she provides tools to navigate societal messages, sexually hostile climates, stereotypes, and archaic behavior and mentalities.
This book is written for anyone—educators, parents, fellow students, coworkers, employers—who have helplessly looked around in the midst of some type of sexual injustice wondering, “What can I do?”
Good Sexual Citizenship is a call to action that asks every citizen to break down inherent sexual hostility and build up something a whole lot better. To promote understanding and tolerance, Friedrichs includes a factual and historical backdrop on gender disparities, women’s rights, sexual violence, prevention, and sex education and challenges readers to question their own identity as “good sexual citizens” with guided exercises. Covering many topics like consent, sexual assault, pleasure, double standards, casual sex and hook-up culture, and teen sex, she provides tools to navigate societal messages, sexually hostile climates, stereotypes, and archaic behavior and mentalities.
This book is written for anyone—educators, parents, fellow students, coworkers, employers—who have helplessly looked around in the midst of some type of sexual injustice wondering, “What can I do?”
332 pages, Paperback
Published September 10, 2019
8 people are currently reading
1013 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
August 16, 2022
"so with that, here's a safer sexual landscape for us all!"
ellen friedrichs i love you! i am a 16 year old (almost 17 in a couple of weeks) girl who lives in america, more specifically texas. i have not had a real sex education class ever in my education career besides a 30 minute lecture on to use protection, and all the diseases we can get if we were to have sex, in a eighth grade science class. i thought i had known everything, but this book proved me wrong. this book was hard to read at times for all the vile things that would happen to a person if they were to have sex, i think it's truly amazing how far we've come from there to now. i bought this book in the midst of roe v. wade being overturned, i was upset, angry, and needed to learn as much information as possible not only on my reproductive rights but on everything from consent, gender disparities, sexual assault, and so much more. i took the time to actually sit down and read and let all the information that i was given from this book to sink in. i talked to both my parents who are thankfully very open people and who aren't afraid of talking about sex and asked their opinions and their values on subjects in this book, i'm thankful that even in the first place i was able to go up to them and say, "look at what i just read! were people actually like this?" i am a product of a teen pregnancy so reading all the information about this and how poorly my mother must've treated because of the decisions she made was very eye opening and made me reconsider some opinions i had in the first place. what i'm trying to say here is, give this to your mom, give this your dad, give this to your brothers and sisters, because believe it or not all the information in this book is needed. one thing i have always stood for is that sex should be talked about more, and not just heteronormative sex either. it was refreshing to see ellen involving studies for the LGBTQ+ community and for people of color as well.
i think everyone should sit down and read this even if it doesn't even interest you, it's best to know all the information in this especially in a time where these rights are being taken away from us in as quick as a second.
ellen friedrichs i love you! i am a 16 year old (almost 17 in a couple of weeks) girl who lives in america, more specifically texas. i have not had a real sex education class ever in my education career besides a 30 minute lecture on to use protection, and all the diseases we can get if we were to have sex, in a eighth grade science class. i thought i had known everything, but this book proved me wrong. this book was hard to read at times for all the vile things that would happen to a person if they were to have sex, i think it's truly amazing how far we've come from there to now. i bought this book in the midst of roe v. wade being overturned, i was upset, angry, and needed to learn as much information as possible not only on my reproductive rights but on everything from consent, gender disparities, sexual assault, and so much more. i took the time to actually sit down and read and let all the information that i was given from this book to sink in. i talked to both my parents who are thankfully very open people and who aren't afraid of talking about sex and asked their opinions and their values on subjects in this book, i'm thankful that even in the first place i was able to go up to them and say, "look at what i just read! were people actually like this?" i am a product of a teen pregnancy so reading all the information about this and how poorly my mother must've treated because of the decisions she made was very eye opening and made me reconsider some opinions i had in the first place. what i'm trying to say here is, give this to your mom, give this your dad, give this to your brothers and sisters, because believe it or not all the information in this book is needed. one thing i have always stood for is that sex should be talked about more, and not just heteronormative sex either. it was refreshing to see ellen involving studies for the LGBTQ+ community and for people of color as well.
i think everyone should sit down and read this even if it doesn't even interest you, it's best to know all the information in this especially in a time where these rights are being taken away from us in as quick as a second.
October 4, 2019
Good Sexual Citizenship encompasses a range of subjects, from the sexism at the root of American society to how that impacts people's individual sex lives. Friedrichs explores all of her subjects in a way that's rooted in research but also easy to understand, with checklists and language that breaks down even complex topics. Many are topics widely covered in modern news, such as the MeToo movement. She gives real-world examples of how some of these topics may play out in the daily lives of people of all genders. This is an excellent book for both teens and adults which, at its heart, is about how to see sex not as something any of us are owed or entitled to, but as an act that's based in pleasure, and offers advice on how to bring that attitude into an often sexist world.
December 17, 2019
Cross-posted from my blog
I reviewed this book which was provided for free by the publisher. However, I do not receive any compensation for reviews. All book reviews are My personal and subjective opinion.
Going against the advice of never judging a book by it's cover, I chose to read Good Sexual Citizenship by Ellen Friedrichs because of it's title. I'm not sure what I expected to find within, but I was delighted by the contents. Friedrichs covers from toddlerhood to adult: how to be a good sexual citizen, raise good sexual citizens, confront your biases, and advocate for others. Weighing in at 287 pages making up 6 chapters, Good Sexual Citizenship is an intimidating volume, but worth the investment. While reading, I was frequently reminded of textbooks from college; study was enjoyable and this was definitely a book to keep, yet needed to be consumed slowly to absorb the material. Good Sexual Citizenship is not a book you can skim through, and you would be doing a disservice to even attempt it.
Starting from the very beginning, Friedrichs tries to be as inclusive as possible; Friedrichs introduced me to the acronym LGBTQQIP2SAA, meaning: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, pansexual, two-spirit (2S), androgynous, and asexual. LGBTQQIP2SAA and the use of language regarding queer are mentioned early in a footnote. In the spirit of inclusivity, Friedrichs also explains terms that some readers may not be familiar with so that they don't get lost in the evolving landscape of sexuality.
Throughout Good Sexual Citizenship, Friedrichs literally breaks the discussion down for the reader. Short sections are often boxed off to cover something relevant to the topic such as history, laws, or anecdotes. Sectioning helps break up the reading so it's more digestible and easy to reference sections later rather than searching through a sea of text. Occasionally one of these break out boxes are to cover "What you may have heard and why that's BS", a very amusing and eye opening section. At the end of each chapter there are questions relating to the previously covered material, but not as a test of your reading comprehension, as a test of your morals. These questions are valuable in gauging your conditioned response and give you an opportunity to address your thinking and change it before you're up into situations that can be challenging to handle.
Good Sexual Citizenship begins by confronting our biases: where they come from, how to spot them, how to confront them in ourselves, and how to call them out in others. Following biases is discussed in "standing up for sex", which is almost a misleading title. One might think standing up for sex is about joining a campaign or march, but it's more about standing up for you! Friedrich helps the reader separate from learned shame to reclaim their own sexuality. Personal sexual-emotional health flows into discussions about consent, empathy, and dismantling sexual violence.
Having learned the basics of good sexual citizenship, Friedrich moves on to raising good sexual citizens and being supportive of young ones around you. The current wave of parents are trying to do better for the next generation than we were raised: not pushing stereotypes, holding space for children who are questioning their identity, and confronting our feelings on situations that may be new to us (such as boys wearing dresses). Questions at the end of the chapter are poignant, addressing scenarios that are sensitive, pivotal for developing minds, and not encountered on a regular basis by the average adult.
Natural progression is to then address the teen sex situation, which is more important than one would initially think. Teens are often brushed off as "still children", yet they are old enough to vote, becoming parents themselves, and are frequently impacted by laws they're supposedly too ignorant to understand (ie abortion & women's health). This chapter reveals the truth about teen sex statistics, porn, dress codes, sending nudes, supporting teens and their sexuality, and how good sex education is beneficial for everyone.
Book namesake, the last chapter (six) "Good Sexual Citizenship" really does wrap everything up nicely in a bow. The explanation on how hostility turns to violence and using our words really can make a difference in the safety of others, combines lessons learns from previous chapters and puts them into action. Though it was the chapter I'd been looking forward to the most, and irritated that I'd have to wait till the end for, by the time I read Chapter 6 I wasn't as excited by it anymore. Initially I thought all of Good Sexual Citizenship was going to be a a primer on manners, political correctness, pronouns, and how to be an ally to LGBTQ+ people. It turns out, being a good sexual citizen is much more than protocol, it's not grand gestures that make change. What makes change is subtle actions stemming from self-awareness which ripple out to cause large scale reform, and it starts with you.
As stated before, Good Sexual Citizenship is a dense book, however, it is not dry, boring, or irrelevant. I would recommend Good Sexual Citizenship to parents, educators, social & sexual justice warriors, and LGBTQ+ allies.
You can purchase Good Sexual Citizenship: How to Create a (Sexually) Safer World by Ellen Friedrichs here.
I reviewed this book which was provided for free by the publisher. However, I do not receive any compensation for reviews. All book reviews are My personal and subjective opinion.
Going against the advice of never judging a book by it's cover, I chose to read Good Sexual Citizenship by Ellen Friedrichs because of it's title. I'm not sure what I expected to find within, but I was delighted by the contents. Friedrichs covers from toddlerhood to adult: how to be a good sexual citizen, raise good sexual citizens, confront your biases, and advocate for others. Weighing in at 287 pages making up 6 chapters, Good Sexual Citizenship is an intimidating volume, but worth the investment. While reading, I was frequently reminded of textbooks from college; study was enjoyable and this was definitely a book to keep, yet needed to be consumed slowly to absorb the material. Good Sexual Citizenship is not a book you can skim through, and you would be doing a disservice to even attempt it.
Starting from the very beginning, Friedrichs tries to be as inclusive as possible; Friedrichs introduced me to the acronym LGBTQQIP2SAA, meaning: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, pansexual, two-spirit (2S), androgynous, and asexual. LGBTQQIP2SAA and the use of language regarding queer are mentioned early in a footnote. In the spirit of inclusivity, Friedrichs also explains terms that some readers may not be familiar with so that they don't get lost in the evolving landscape of sexuality.
Throughout Good Sexual Citizenship, Friedrichs literally breaks the discussion down for the reader. Short sections are often boxed off to cover something relevant to the topic such as history, laws, or anecdotes. Sectioning helps break up the reading so it's more digestible and easy to reference sections later rather than searching through a sea of text. Occasionally one of these break out boxes are to cover "What you may have heard and why that's BS", a very amusing and eye opening section. At the end of each chapter there are questions relating to the previously covered material, but not as a test of your reading comprehension, as a test of your morals. These questions are valuable in gauging your conditioned response and give you an opportunity to address your thinking and change it before you're up into situations that can be challenging to handle.
Good Sexual Citizenship begins by confronting our biases: where they come from, how to spot them, how to confront them in ourselves, and how to call them out in others. Following biases is discussed in "standing up for sex", which is almost a misleading title. One might think standing up for sex is about joining a campaign or march, but it's more about standing up for you! Friedrich helps the reader separate from learned shame to reclaim their own sexuality. Personal sexual-emotional health flows into discussions about consent, empathy, and dismantling sexual violence.
Having learned the basics of good sexual citizenship, Friedrich moves on to raising good sexual citizens and being supportive of young ones around you. The current wave of parents are trying to do better for the next generation than we were raised: not pushing stereotypes, holding space for children who are questioning their identity, and confronting our feelings on situations that may be new to us (such as boys wearing dresses). Questions at the end of the chapter are poignant, addressing scenarios that are sensitive, pivotal for developing minds, and not encountered on a regular basis by the average adult.
Natural progression is to then address the teen sex situation, which is more important than one would initially think. Teens are often brushed off as "still children", yet they are old enough to vote, becoming parents themselves, and are frequently impacted by laws they're supposedly too ignorant to understand (ie abortion & women's health). This chapter reveals the truth about teen sex statistics, porn, dress codes, sending nudes, supporting teens and their sexuality, and how good sex education is beneficial for everyone.
Book namesake, the last chapter (six) "Good Sexual Citizenship" really does wrap everything up nicely in a bow. The explanation on how hostility turns to violence and using our words really can make a difference in the safety of others, combines lessons learns from previous chapters and puts them into action. Though it was the chapter I'd been looking forward to the most, and irritated that I'd have to wait till the end for, by the time I read Chapter 6 I wasn't as excited by it anymore. Initially I thought all of Good Sexual Citizenship was going to be a a primer on manners, political correctness, pronouns, and how to be an ally to LGBTQ+ people. It turns out, being a good sexual citizen is much more than protocol, it's not grand gestures that make change. What makes change is subtle actions stemming from self-awareness which ripple out to cause large scale reform, and it starts with you.
As stated before, Good Sexual Citizenship is a dense book, however, it is not dry, boring, or irrelevant. I would recommend Good Sexual Citizenship to parents, educators, social & sexual justice warriors, and LGBTQ+ allies.
You can purchase Good Sexual Citizenship: How to Create a (Sexually) Safer World by Ellen Friedrichs here.
November 22, 2021
Overall if I could rate this book higher then I would because that’s how much I loved it. Not only does it debunk common sex myths, it also mentions scenarios that can be hard to deal with and offers solutions and input. This book literally covered everything you can possibly think of regarding sex without making any party feel looked down upon or demonized. It got into detail about our patriarchal society, how common teaching from parents can be toxic and how social behavior affects teenagers. And it also leaves room for personal reflection at the end of chapters. Overall, I love the way the topic was approached and handled and I highly recommend this book.
November 10, 2021
The topic is very important for everyone to read about. It was written very well. I will keep this book forever, will likely reread.
November 30, 2021
Great book on consent, boundaries, and a sexually safer world. I was particularly interested in the part about sex education and how comprehensive programs can help make a sexually safer world
Read
August 12, 2023Consent.
Education.
Double standards.
Sexism.
Great resource.
Education.
Double standards.
Sexism.
Great resource.
September 3, 2025
I co-reviewed this book for Psychology of Women Quarterly in 2020! HTTPS://doi.org/10.1177/0361684320927649
January 16, 2025
Definitely a book for people who are just beginning to learn about these topics, as I felt like it was very elementary to me but obviously that doesn’t mean it’s not a good book.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews