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They/Them/Their: A Guide to Nonbinary & Genderqueer Identities
Chosen as one of The List's Hot 100 in 2019.
In this insightful and long-overdue book, Eris Young explores what it's like to live outside of the gender binary and how it can impact on one's relationships, sense of identity, use of language and more.
Drawing on the author's own experiences as a nonbinary person, as well as interviews and research, it shares common experiences and challenges faced by those who are nonbinary, and what friends, family and other cisgender people can do to support them. Breaking down misconceptions and providing definitions, the history of nonbinary identities and gender-neutral language, and information on healthcare, this much-needed guide is for anyone wanting to fully understand nonbinary and genderqueer identities
In this insightful and long-overdue book, Eris Young explores what it's like to live outside of the gender binary and how it can impact on one's relationships, sense of identity, use of language and more.
Drawing on the author's own experiences as a nonbinary person, as well as interviews and research, it shares common experiences and challenges faced by those who are nonbinary, and what friends, family and other cisgender people can do to support them. Breaking down misconceptions and providing definitions, the history of nonbinary identities and gender-neutral language, and information on healthcare, this much-needed guide is for anyone wanting to fully understand nonbinary and genderqueer identities
288 pages, Paperback
Published September 19, 2019
103 people are currently reading
1522 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 63 reviews
August 23, 2021
this is the first book that i found when looking to learn more about the nonbinary and genderqueer community. essentially, i wanted to learn more about people like me. for one, i yearned to find myself in the pages, hoping to be validated by a book. i also wanted to gather as much information as possible to arm me in coming out in the future - how can i come out to my parents without proper explanations on what being nonbinary /is/?
here is what i found within this book: information about language, a global and historical perspective on nonbinary figures, the genderqueer community, being nonbinary within a wider society, and genderqueer individual’s experiences with mental health, medicine, and the law. at times, i did find my own experiences within these words. at times, i felt disheartened in realizing just how far we have to go before reaching equality. i knew that i wanted nonbinary people, and all identities under this umbrella term, to be legally accepted, but i hadn’t considered what this encompasses, exactly. (or just how far we really were from reaching this goal in western countries such as the UK and the united states.)
this is a good book to read if you’re looking for more information concerning specific aspects of the nonbinary community - particularly for doctors, teachers, counselors lawyers, politicians, parents, and all others in positions of power who want to better assist those who they are working with and who are striving to achieve equality in the workplace and greater society.
why such a low rating, then? i’ll admit that it’s a personal fallacy of mine. although i was interested in the material, it still felt a bit like reading a textbook. i will continue to look for something more approachable, to present to my mother, who has expressed some interest in learning more about how i identity, despite not understanding it, and who would not have the willpower to read this book.
here is what i found within this book: information about language, a global and historical perspective on nonbinary figures, the genderqueer community, being nonbinary within a wider society, and genderqueer individual’s experiences with mental health, medicine, and the law. at times, i did find my own experiences within these words. at times, i felt disheartened in realizing just how far we have to go before reaching equality. i knew that i wanted nonbinary people, and all identities under this umbrella term, to be legally accepted, but i hadn’t considered what this encompasses, exactly. (or just how far we really were from reaching this goal in western countries such as the UK and the united states.)
this is a good book to read if you’re looking for more information concerning specific aspects of the nonbinary community - particularly for doctors, teachers, counselors lawyers, politicians, parents, and all others in positions of power who want to better assist those who they are working with and who are striving to achieve equality in the workplace and greater society.
why such a low rating, then? i’ll admit that it’s a personal fallacy of mine. although i was interested in the material, it still felt a bit like reading a textbook. i will continue to look for something more approachable, to present to my mother, who has expressed some interest in learning more about how i identity, despite not understanding it, and who would not have the willpower to read this book.
April 19, 2019
I recieved this from NetGalley in exchange for a review, but all opinions are as always my own.
So...wow. Where to begin on this one? I guess first of all I'd say that this was deeply informative. I, myself, am non-binary and it made me think about some of the things of my own gender. It made me feel comforted, somewhat, that other people also don't feel dysphoria sometimes and all of these transgender feels that I could strongly relate to and it really made me feel better in myself and more comfortable. So, from that perspective, that was awesome. It mostly covers non-binary, genderqueer and genderfluid identities but it does also touch on binary transgender identites and sexualities.
It doesn't just talk about the Western way of gender, either. Although it is very clearly written by a white person, it does include some other cultures and religions that use different, less binary languages and have more than just the two legal genders the way the UK does (which is where a majority of this book is based, specifically Scotland, and it also touches on the US as well).
I would absolutely reccomend this to other people and, despite having a copy of this on my Kindle, I would probably buy a physical copy when it's published for note taking and to reference as well as to give to family members and friends who want to learn more about the identities as they are becoming more well known then they were. It's full of resources for people wanting to learn about the trans identities, but also for trans people as well - including for mental health resources specifically for trans people, which I've been looking for and I'm sure I'll find them useful.
It did have its bad parts, though. For example, there were trigger warnings but there were very few. I feel like every chapter and every sub-chapter should contain trigger warnings, especially since trans people are absolutely going to read this (hello!) and the author knows that trans people often go through triggering events in their life, as it's referenced in the book. It's also very dense and can be difficult to read if you don't enjoy reading essays and textbooks, which is very much the format style this is written in. Being academic, and autistic, probably helped my enjoyment there but I know a lot of people who would struggle to get through this.
Overall, it was enjoyable and I'm glad I got through this even though it was super difficult to read at times. I'd reccomend it especially to people wanting to learn about transgender people, and specifically non-binary genders.
So...wow. Where to begin on this one? I guess first of all I'd say that this was deeply informative. I, myself, am non-binary and it made me think about some of the things of my own gender. It made me feel comforted, somewhat, that other people also don't feel dysphoria sometimes and all of these transgender feels that I could strongly relate to and it really made me feel better in myself and more comfortable. So, from that perspective, that was awesome. It mostly covers non-binary, genderqueer and genderfluid identities but it does also touch on binary transgender identites and sexualities.
It doesn't just talk about the Western way of gender, either. Although it is very clearly written by a white person, it does include some other cultures and religions that use different, less binary languages and have more than just the two legal genders the way the UK does (which is where a majority of this book is based, specifically Scotland, and it also touches on the US as well).
I would absolutely reccomend this to other people and, despite having a copy of this on my Kindle, I would probably buy a physical copy when it's published for note taking and to reference as well as to give to family members and friends who want to learn more about the identities as they are becoming more well known then they were. It's full of resources for people wanting to learn about the trans identities, but also for trans people as well - including for mental health resources specifically for trans people, which I've been looking for and I'm sure I'll find them useful.
It did have its bad parts, though. For example, there were trigger warnings but there were very few. I feel like every chapter and every sub-chapter should contain trigger warnings, especially since trans people are absolutely going to read this (hello!) and the author knows that trans people often go through triggering events in their life, as it's referenced in the book. It's also very dense and can be difficult to read if you don't enjoy reading essays and textbooks, which is very much the format style this is written in. Being academic, and autistic, probably helped my enjoyment there but I know a lot of people who would struggle to get through this.
Overall, it was enjoyable and I'm glad I got through this even though it was super difficult to read at times. I'd reccomend it especially to people wanting to learn about transgender people, and specifically non-binary genders.
December 22, 2019
A thoughtful and useful book written for a general audience about gender identity. I was really glad to read this book. I believe myself liberal, but often feel underinformed about gender--or rather, I just don't know how to communicate in ways that are the most inclusive. This book is written clearly and offers great insight without making the reader feel bad. I appreciated Young's honesty but also thoroughness. It would be a great book for high school teachers to help them as the work with students who might be gender non-binary or transitioning.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
October 31, 2021
3.5/5
Biological ‘sex’ is composed of several, sometimes contradictory, physical characteristics. On the other hand ‘gender’, conceptualized in different ways by different societies all over the world, is a set of social expectations, values and behaviors.
While this book was really informative, the amount of time it took me to get through is simply astonishing, considering it is a relatively small book. But it is very dense and repetitive at times. Still a very much needed read I suppose!
Biological ‘sex’ is composed of several, sometimes contradictory, physical characteristics. On the other hand ‘gender’, conceptualized in different ways by different societies all over the world, is a set of social expectations, values and behaviors.
While this book was really informative, the amount of time it took me to get through is simply astonishing, considering it is a relatively small book. But it is very dense and repetitive at times. Still a very much needed read I suppose!
did-not-finish
July 22, 2019DNF @ ~10%
I DNF’d this but not because it was bad. It just reads too much like a professionally published paper and was super dense, so it was difficult to get into.
However, I did like that the author was detailed yet concise, and that they acknowledged that there are gender identities other than the Western ones we know of.
I DNF’d this but not because it was bad. It just reads too much like a professionally published paper and was super dense, so it was difficult to get into.
However, I did like that the author was detailed yet concise, and that they acknowledged that there are gender identities other than the Western ones we know of.
June 4, 2021
A good guide for people who have a vague idea about non-binary people or are generally open. There's chapters on history, mental health, transition, law ... There is some focus on the US and the UK but a lot of information is generally true or similar in other places as well.
People who are skeptical about the existence of non-binary people won't change their mind through this but I'm honestly unsure if anything would change their mind as they're ignoring the very clear evidence of people saying "I'm non-binary.".
People who are skeptical about the existence of non-binary people won't change their mind through this but I'm honestly unsure if anything would change their mind as they're ignoring the very clear evidence of people saying "I'm non-binary.".
June 1, 2020
This book is a great resource for anyone who wants to know more about non-binary/genderqueer identities, and I'd definitely recommend it to anyone working on policies that directly impact that population. As a non-binary person, there were also parts that were very validating to my own identity.
There were some parts that got a little repetitive (trans people are expert patients, yes, but that point is brought up over and over again), and if you're not into reading more academic style books, it may seem dry. But I personally found the writing engaging, I appreciated the trigger warning section at the beginning of the book, and I definitely plan to keep this on my shelf for future reference.
There were some parts that got a little repetitive (trans people are expert patients, yes, but that point is brought up over and over again), and if you're not into reading more academic style books, it may seem dry. But I personally found the writing engaging, I appreciated the trigger warning section at the beginning of the book, and I definitely plan to keep this on my shelf for future reference.
January 9, 2025
This was extremely well researched and well-organized; I enjoyed reading the respondents interview clips alongside relevant statistics and larger conversations about how nonbinary people navigate a society that is almost always set up for binary gendered individuals.
July 20, 2019
They/Them/Their could not be better timed than RIGHT NOW. Its relevance has never been greater than in contemporary society today, for all of us. This book should be mandatory reading for educators, counselors, medical professionals and pretty much anyone else currently living on this planet we call Earth. This is a significant work for understanding gender identity- which is so much more than a binary box one checks on a form. And even if you feel you *get* gender, get this!
May 3, 2019
If you are an ally, a feminist, or in any way give a damn about people--read this book. It gives an incredible amount of information about what it means to be nonbinary, but also is just so inclusionary. You'll read also about the trans perspective, asexualism, mental illness, and a great many other human experiences while learning about breaking through the barriers of a societal binary gender system.
November 23, 2020
Probably the best book I've ever read on trans issues, it really broke down several different nuanced subject matters from a local, historical, and holistic perspective. Definitely recommend.
December 26, 2020
Excellent, well referenced and with helpful anecdotes from several non-binary people, introduction to the subject.
March 22, 2024
I picked this book up because I am someone who claims to be an ally to the genderqueer community, but you can really only be an ally insomuch as you are educated in struggles they face in various areas of life every day. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who works in the medical field, as well as anyone who is an ally to the non-binary/genderqueer community and wants to learn more about these identities and challenges they face, and what we can do to not contribute to these marginalizations.
Overall I really liked this book and learned a lot from it! It was very educational at least to me personally, who was not as educated on the genderqueer community as I had initially believed I was.
Overall I really liked this book and learned a lot from it! It was very educational at least to me personally, who was not as educated on the genderqueer community as I had initially believed I was.
August 21, 2021
Although I spent a good chunk of my life in queer communities, so much has changed in just the past decade that I felt the need to bring myself up to speed. This book is a wonderful overview of how nonbinary and genderqueer people have transformed the T and Q in LGBTQ+ communities. I wanted to understand how language has evolved to encompass the spectrum of gender identities and Young's book is an excellent introduction into this world. I think teachers and educators, as well as parents and community leaders, would do well to learn from this book.
Read
February 11, 2020A good overview of historical, political, legal, and social issues surrounding genderfluidity and being nonbinary.
July 7, 2020
Incredibly insightful on sensitive topics. Many definitions and examples are given. It is helpful to expand my ideas about gender and gender expression.
April 26, 2022
2.5. good information. not entertaining to read.
February 24, 2024
A solid and informative read for cis folks. Trans/nonbinary folks will already be familiar with the concepts, either through individual research or lived experience.
April 10, 2022
Great resource for anyone to learn more about non-binary and genderqueer people. It includes resources and information about language, community, mental health, medicine, the law, and more. I love the discussion questions at the end of each chapter. It does read like a textbook at times, which can be hard to get through, but I felt it was more than worth finishing. I recommend this to anyone!
December 2, 2023
This is a difficult book to rate. On the one hand, certain parts were interesting. But on the other, it felt dry, repetitive, and too ideological. If I had to describe this book in one word, it might be "naive."
I usually take notes so I can add quotes to my review. I finished this book in 2 sessions when I didn't have my notebook handy and I don't feel like hunting down sentences, so no quotes in this review unfortunately.
What I liked
format
The book is separated into chapters with discussion questions at the end, many of which were thought provoking. I think this book could make a good pick for a book club.
The book also has a very nice, clean, and readable interior, and an eye-catching cover featuring the nonbinary flag colors.
history
I was especially interested in chapter 3 "A Global And historical Perspective." In this chapter, we learn about nonbinary and gender nonconforming people throughout history and historical figures such as Eleno/a de Cespedes and Thomas(ine) Hall. Their experiences and how society treated them was interesting.
While discussing the differences between historical and modern perspectives on gender, the author mentions bizarre historical ideas, such as the belief that a woman could become a man if she worked hard in the sun.
However there were other aspects of this chapter that I thought were questionable.
nonbinary experiences
I picked this book up to learn more about people different from me, so I I enjoyed reading the numerous interviews by nonbinary people. I don't have to agree 100 percent with someone to be interested in what they have to say. In some cases, their thoughts challenged my viewpoints and made me pause to think. In other cases, they were very relatable. I think many of us - regardless of gender identity - can relate to feeling "othered" at a doctor's office, or burdened by familial and societal expectations, or even threatened by strangers. In that sense, this book underscores the humanity of nonbinary people.
lots of sources
There are lots of sources, making this a good jumping off point for people who are wanting to do more research. Some of the sources strike me as questionable though.
What I was ambivalent about
topic matter
The more interesting stuff was relegated to only part of the book. The other chapters were about the wants and needs of the nonbinary community. And while that might be useful, it was not interesting. I could see someone who works with gender variant people (teachers, doctors, etc) finding the legal and medical chapters useful. To me, these chapters felt more navel-gazey than others.
questionable sources?
Mermaids is a controversial source. I don't want to dive into the controversy, but when the author brought them up, I cringed a bit.
medical things
The first chapter of the book has a list of common terms used by the trans community. Two of them are AMAB and AFAB - assigned male/female at birth.
Even when taking into account disorders and differences, humans are sexually dimorphic. This binary view, if you will, is essential in medicine. Women are not a type of man; the book describes how in years past, this was the prevailing view. There is no sliding scale from man to woman, and a woman is not a defective man.
Luckily, we now know this is not the case. Women and feminists fought for the right to be seen as different from men. When people didn't know or didn't care, women died when they didn't need to. A good example would be how car safety was originally designed around male bodies, meaning women died more often in car crashes than men.
Men and women are different. Different does not mean better/worse. And this also does not mean that people are not "allowed" to live outside the social binary. But the physical binary is a fact of life at least to an extent, so when the author brings up the "binarism" within medicine, I can only describe that as naive.
The author's attempts to describe why humans are not sexually dimorphic was interesting in some ways - particularly the point about how neurologically men and women are more similar than different. (Radical feminists rail against the idea of "brain sex".) Of course there are similarities between men and women; we are both human after all. And society influences our biology in some ways too. But it doesn't change the fact that men and women are different and react to medicine differently.
In this chapter, puberty blockers are described as reversible, which is also naive.
What I did NOT like
The book tries to be insightful, and in some ways it is, but I can't help but feel I came away more confused than when I started.
It seemed like gender roles and stereotypes were consistently conflated with gender identity. If gender identity is not based on your physical traits but is instead based on how you feel, what does it matter which bathroom you use, since bathrooms are arranged according to parts? The book states that nonbinary is not the same as androgyny. Why then are medical treatments considered necessary?
To me gender identity seems to be based a lot on how people view you and what they expect of you (= gender roles). I can imagine this causing distress for people with gender dysphoria. However, I still feel confused by it all. Radical feminists often say that they want to abolish gender roles and this is what they mean - that people should be free to have whatever personalities and interests they desire. However, in the book, radical feminists are described as oppositional to trans people (they are even mentioned in the list of trigger warnings). It seems the two groups would actually have a fair amount in common.
My confusion comes from trying to separate what gender identity is from personality traits. No one is "100 percent" a woman or man - we are all individuals. (As an aside, this reminded me of something I read in Count Down of a "scientific" study that fewer than 1/3 of people saw themselves at the "maximum of their sex typical identification scale," meaning they felt they were a blend of masculine/feminine.)
The book didn't paint a good picture of what exactly separates nonbinary from being gender non-conforming or nonbinary from having a personality.
I'm also still a bit confused about what exactly it means to "identify as" something. If it is about gender roles, then I find it hard to believe that people throughout history - soldiers forced into a meat grinder, women dying in agony during childbirth - would "identify" as or with that role. In that regard, when the author wonders if cisgender people can experience gender dysphoria, I would say yes.
Conclusion
There's a lot more I could add to this, but I'll leave it here. This book made me consider my own beliefs about the topic matter, so in that regard it is a good book. If you are curious about what it means to be nonbinary, I'm not sure this is a good pick. However, if you are curious about the struggles, wants, and needs of this community, you'll find something here. A lukewarm recommendation to those curious about the topic.
I usually take notes so I can add quotes to my review. I finished this book in 2 sessions when I didn't have my notebook handy and I don't feel like hunting down sentences, so no quotes in this review unfortunately.
What I liked
format
The book is separated into chapters with discussion questions at the end, many of which were thought provoking. I think this book could make a good pick for a book club.
The book also has a very nice, clean, and readable interior, and an eye-catching cover featuring the nonbinary flag colors.
history
I was especially interested in chapter 3 "A Global And historical Perspective." In this chapter, we learn about nonbinary and gender nonconforming people throughout history and historical figures such as Eleno/a de Cespedes and Thomas(ine) Hall. Their experiences and how society treated them was interesting.
While discussing the differences between historical and modern perspectives on gender, the author mentions bizarre historical ideas, such as the belief that a woman could become a man if she worked hard in the sun.
However there were other aspects of this chapter that I thought were questionable.
nonbinary experiences
I picked this book up to learn more about people different from me, so I I enjoyed reading the numerous interviews by nonbinary people. I don't have to agree 100 percent with someone to be interested in what they have to say. In some cases, their thoughts challenged my viewpoints and made me pause to think. In other cases, they were very relatable. I think many of us - regardless of gender identity - can relate to feeling "othered" at a doctor's office, or burdened by familial and societal expectations, or even threatened by strangers. In that sense, this book underscores the humanity of nonbinary people.
lots of sources
There are lots of sources, making this a good jumping off point for people who are wanting to do more research. Some of the sources strike me as questionable though.
What I was ambivalent about
topic matter
The more interesting stuff was relegated to only part of the book. The other chapters were about the wants and needs of the nonbinary community. And while that might be useful, it was not interesting. I could see someone who works with gender variant people (teachers, doctors, etc) finding the legal and medical chapters useful. To me, these chapters felt more navel-gazey than others.
questionable sources?
Mermaids is a controversial source. I don't want to dive into the controversy, but when the author brought them up, I cringed a bit.
medical things
The first chapter of the book has a list of common terms used by the trans community. Two of them are AMAB and AFAB - assigned male/female at birth.
Even when taking into account disorders and differences, humans are sexually dimorphic. This binary view, if you will, is essential in medicine. Women are not a type of man; the book describes how in years past, this was the prevailing view. There is no sliding scale from man to woman, and a woman is not a defective man.
Luckily, we now know this is not the case. Women and feminists fought for the right to be seen as different from men. When people didn't know or didn't care, women died when they didn't need to. A good example would be how car safety was originally designed around male bodies, meaning women died more often in car crashes than men.
Men and women are different. Different does not mean better/worse. And this also does not mean that people are not "allowed" to live outside the social binary. But the physical binary is a fact of life at least to an extent, so when the author brings up the "binarism" within medicine, I can only describe that as naive.
The author's attempts to describe why humans are not sexually dimorphic was interesting in some ways - particularly the point about how neurologically men and women are more similar than different. (Radical feminists rail against the idea of "brain sex".) Of course there are similarities between men and women; we are both human after all. And society influences our biology in some ways too. But it doesn't change the fact that men and women are different and react to medicine differently.
In this chapter, puberty blockers are described as reversible, which is also naive.
What I did NOT like
The book tries to be insightful, and in some ways it is, but I can't help but feel I came away more confused than when I started.
It seemed like gender roles and stereotypes were consistently conflated with gender identity. If gender identity is not based on your physical traits but is instead based on how you feel, what does it matter which bathroom you use, since bathrooms are arranged according to parts? The book states that nonbinary is not the same as androgyny. Why then are medical treatments considered necessary?
To me gender identity seems to be based a lot on how people view you and what they expect of you (= gender roles). I can imagine this causing distress for people with gender dysphoria. However, I still feel confused by it all. Radical feminists often say that they want to abolish gender roles and this is what they mean - that people should be free to have whatever personalities and interests they desire. However, in the book, radical feminists are described as oppositional to trans people (they are even mentioned in the list of trigger warnings). It seems the two groups would actually have a fair amount in common.
My confusion comes from trying to separate what gender identity is from personality traits. No one is "100 percent" a woman or man - we are all individuals. (As an aside, this reminded me of something I read in Count Down of a "scientific" study that fewer than 1/3 of people saw themselves at the "maximum of their sex typical identification scale," meaning they felt they were a blend of masculine/feminine.)
The book didn't paint a good picture of what exactly separates nonbinary from being gender non-conforming or nonbinary from having a personality.
I'm also still a bit confused about what exactly it means to "identify as" something. If it is about gender roles, then I find it hard to believe that people throughout history - soldiers forced into a meat grinder, women dying in agony during childbirth - would "identify" as or with that role. In that regard, when the author wonders if cisgender people can experience gender dysphoria, I would say yes.
Conclusion
There's a lot more I could add to this, but I'll leave it here. This book made me consider my own beliefs about the topic matter, so in that regard it is a good book. If you are curious about what it means to be nonbinary, I'm not sure this is a good pick. However, if you are curious about the struggles, wants, and needs of this community, you'll find something here. A lukewarm recommendation to those curious about the topic.
April 27, 2024
3.5? I get the sense this fills an important gap. While I'd hesitate to recommend this book for casual reading, since it tends towards an academic style, I appreciate the way it integrates interviews, personal experience, and rigorous research. Each chapter covers a different topic, such as language, societal implications, or challenges faced within healthcare and legal systems.
The book's data focuses on the U.S. and the U.K., but some chapters offer a broader overview of identities beyond the gender binary and their histories around the world.
My impression is that this is targeted for a more academic or professional audience, such as a healthcare practitioner or educator—someone who has limited knowledge about gender diversity, but who is empathetic and seeking to assist their non-binary or genderqueer clientele more effectively.
The book's data focuses on the U.S. and the U.K., but some chapters offer a broader overview of identities beyond the gender binary and their histories around the world.
My impression is that this is targeted for a more academic or professional audience, such as a healthcare practitioner or educator—someone who has limited knowledge about gender diversity, but who is empathetic and seeking to assist their non-binary or genderqueer clientele more effectively.
May 26, 2019
An absolutely fantastic book about gender and gender identity which also brings up mental health and other topics
I was unable to read it to the end because the app I use crashed and still hasn't worked but you get I'll be buying my own physical copy to read and give to friends!
No matter who you are, as long as you care about people and want to learn more I definitely recommend that you read this book.
I was unable to read it to the end because the app I use crashed and still hasn't worked but you get I'll be buying my own physical copy to read and give to friends!
No matter who you are, as long as you care about people and want to learn more I definitely recommend that you read this book.
June 13, 2019
They/Them/Their is an all-inclusive guide to the T in LGBTIA+. With a mix of research, interviews, and personal experience, Eris Young (pronouns: they/them/their) covers everything you may want to know about people who identify as non-binary and trans, including chapters on dating, physical health, mental health, and how to create open spaces at work and at school.
Overall, they discuss these topics in a clear and relatable way. Not only does Young cover facets of trans and non-binary identities, but also details other lesser known letters of the LGBTQIA+ alphabet soup, such as asexuality (which they themselves identify with). The chapters are also stuffed with plenty of resources and further reading suggestions as well as reflection questions for every reader, whether you’re a parent, teacher, employer, colleague, therapist, clinician, friend, partner, or general ally.
As a queer woman, I was able to relate to a few of the experiences where sexuality and gender intersect. For example, as a rule, they write “I usually come out to anyone who I know for more than a half hour”—which is the best advice I’ve gotten on the subject. But as a queer woman, They/Them/Their was also a wake-up call that dove into the complex nuances within the trans and non-binary community. There is so much about gender and non-binary gender identities that I cannot relate to or did not know about—and They/Them/Their not only filled in those blanks, but drew new lines.
For example, I especially thought the chapter on the laws involved with genderqueer identities was not only informative, but also offered a wide, global perspective that compared existing policies from different countries. Continually, Young reminds the reader that genderqueer individuals are not partaking in a singular, private experience but one with ramifications that are affected by and are in many ways intertwined with every corner of society.
I highly recommend it to anyone who is interested in learning more about pronouns, trans and non-binary folk, and gender expression—especially those who want to be better allies to their friends, coworkers, partners, and family members.
If you’re already neck deep in your queer studies (like me), you might think this book is a little like Gender 101, but I still strongly recommend it since it is intensely descriptive and informative.
My only worry with the book is the shelf-life (literally, because it’s a book), since the terms, attitudes, and resources discussed in the book are always evolving and growing as progress continues (and is thwarted), so I hope there are newer editions in the future!
They/Them/Their will be published on September 19, 2019 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers. Definitely keep an eye out for it this fall!
Overall, they discuss these topics in a clear and relatable way. Not only does Young cover facets of trans and non-binary identities, but also details other lesser known letters of the LGBTQIA+ alphabet soup, such as asexuality (which they themselves identify with). The chapters are also stuffed with plenty of resources and further reading suggestions as well as reflection questions for every reader, whether you’re a parent, teacher, employer, colleague, therapist, clinician, friend, partner, or general ally.
As a queer woman, I was able to relate to a few of the experiences where sexuality and gender intersect. For example, as a rule, they write “I usually come out to anyone who I know for more than a half hour”—which is the best advice I’ve gotten on the subject. But as a queer woman, They/Them/Their was also a wake-up call that dove into the complex nuances within the trans and non-binary community. There is so much about gender and non-binary gender identities that I cannot relate to or did not know about—and They/Them/Their not only filled in those blanks, but drew new lines.
For example, I especially thought the chapter on the laws involved with genderqueer identities was not only informative, but also offered a wide, global perspective that compared existing policies from different countries. Continually, Young reminds the reader that genderqueer individuals are not partaking in a singular, private experience but one with ramifications that are affected by and are in many ways intertwined with every corner of society.
I highly recommend it to anyone who is interested in learning more about pronouns, trans and non-binary folk, and gender expression—especially those who want to be better allies to their friends, coworkers, partners, and family members.
If you’re already neck deep in your queer studies (like me), you might think this book is a little like Gender 101, but I still strongly recommend it since it is intensely descriptive and informative.
My only worry with the book is the shelf-life (literally, because it’s a book), since the terms, attitudes, and resources discussed in the book are always evolving and growing as progress continues (and is thwarted), so I hope there are newer editions in the future!
They/Them/Their will be published on September 19, 2019 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers. Definitely keep an eye out for it this fall!
November 28, 2024
I think part of my low score for this book comes from my goals for this book were different than the authors goals for this book. The tagline for this book is "a guide to nonbinary & genderqueer identities" and I picked it up to give as a guide to my parents who want to support me in my transition, but don't really understand how. As a nonbinary person reading this book hoping to see an explanation of gender that I myself am not equipped to give cis people, I was disappointed to find that this book does not include that. Instead, the focus is on issues that nonbinary people face from a very statistical level. The inclusion of data & interviews from other nonbinary people is good, but I think it is over emphasized. Gender is a very human experience, and requires explanation that cannot be given with statistics alone. The use of interviews is not focused on explaining people's experiences with their gender & is focused on how the interviewees are treated because of it.
I just wish there was more of a human element to the book, and any discussion at all of trans joy. This book, despite consistently claiming that being nonbinary is not a malady, paints a picture of being nonbinary as an experience entirely devoid of anything positive. If I was a cis person who read this, I think I would feel sorry for nonbinary people, but not be more capable of understanding them. As a nonbinary person reading this, all I really got was a persistent sense of gloom.
On a more neutral note: this book is very heavily UK focused. There is 1 chapter that looks at nonbinary identities from cultures across the world, and a few references to experiences in the US, but otherwise the rest is focused on nonbinary experiences in the UK specifically. Especially when it comes to healthcare (physical and mental) and the law.
I just wish there was more of a human element to the book, and any discussion at all of trans joy. This book, despite consistently claiming that being nonbinary is not a malady, paints a picture of being nonbinary as an experience entirely devoid of anything positive. If I was a cis person who read this, I think I would feel sorry for nonbinary people, but not be more capable of understanding them. As a nonbinary person reading this, all I really got was a persistent sense of gloom.
On a more neutral note: this book is very heavily UK focused. There is 1 chapter that looks at nonbinary identities from cultures across the world, and a few references to experiences in the US, but otherwise the rest is focused on nonbinary experiences in the UK specifically. Especially when it comes to healthcare (physical and mental) and the law.
Read
October 16, 2019Excellent for the person wanting to understand gender pronouns and gender identity more in depth, especially non-binary identity. Unfortunately, the author was too verbose in many areas for this to be thoroughly read by the general public, especially those who need more of an introductory level text. I think it would have been better if the content had been streamlined to focus more on the basics, or maybe had a few introductory chapters and then went into more of the details and academics in later chapters. Then, this book would have incredible crossover appeal for young adults, could be used in schools, for business or other institutional sensitivity training, by parents, friends, and anyone else who simply wants to get an understanding of gender identity. A fantastic concept and book, but as written, I'm afraid it simply won't be accessible enough for the people who need it most: teens who are questioning their gender identity and the general public that is clueless about gender identity.
Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC. Ultimately, I didn't rate this because I feel like I kept wanting this book to be something it wasn't - not the author's or the book's fault!
Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC. Ultimately, I didn't rate this because I feel like I kept wanting this book to be something it wasn't - not the author's or the book's fault!
November 11, 2020
I received a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Well, where to begin? This book is an excellent resource and completely needed as gender politics is changing so rapidly and Non-binary, Genderqueer and Gender Fluid issues are becoming more prominent. This book covers those topics extensively, as well as covering Trans issues. I found it educational, and packed to the brim with so much information, and that's a rare thing to find on Non-binary people. The context is very white-centric, mostly focusing on the UK, but Young does dedicate some space in the book to take look at other cultures and laws on this idea of Gender.
At times, the information was a little repetitive. Points that Eris made about being 'the expert patient' for example, while perhaps true, didn't need to be restated over and over. I do also think that some people would struggle with the amount packed into this. People that enjoy academic reading might have no problems with the essay style, but I think that such an overload of text could prove inaccessible to the average reader. I was very impressed with Young's approach and the fact that she remained impassive and factual throughout, while drawing from her own experiences and those of others.
Well, where to begin? This book is an excellent resource and completely needed as gender politics is changing so rapidly and Non-binary, Genderqueer and Gender Fluid issues are becoming more prominent. This book covers those topics extensively, as well as covering Trans issues. I found it educational, and packed to the brim with so much information, and that's a rare thing to find on Non-binary people. The context is very white-centric, mostly focusing on the UK, but Young does dedicate some space in the book to take look at other cultures and laws on this idea of Gender.
At times, the information was a little repetitive. Points that Eris made about being 'the expert patient' for example, while perhaps true, didn't need to be restated over and over. I do also think that some people would struggle with the amount packed into this. People that enjoy academic reading might have no problems with the essay style, but I think that such an overload of text could prove inaccessible to the average reader. I was very impressed with Young's approach and the fact that she remained impassive and factual throughout, while drawing from her own experiences and those of others.
September 22, 2019
I received a copy of They/Them/Their from the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
They/Them/Their by Eris Young is a nonfiction guide to nonbinary and genderqueer identities. On the nonfiction accessibility scale from pop-nonfiction to academic works, this is definitely closer to the academic end; it is written for the layperson rather than the academic audience, but it does tend toward the denser side of things. That is not a criticism, mind; I personally found They/Them/Their to be a nice mix of in-depth information combined with a clear and concise writing style, but I can see being thrown off if you were expecting something lighter.
They/Them/Their is broken up into seven main sections, plus a thorough introduction: language, history from a global perspective, community, wider society, mental health, medicine, and the law.
I personally was most interested in the language, history, and community sections; I have an unabashed fascination for linguistics, grammar and the politics of grammar, foreign languages, and the like. Learning a language with a grammatical gender was actually one of the catalysts of my gender-questioning journey and I loved reading about how nonbinary people are trying to carve out a place for themselves in heavily gendered languages.
The medical and legal sections, while interesting, suffered a bit in my opinion because they were necessarily limited to a particular context (the current UK medical and legal system). I think perhaps that’s a spot where the more academic nature of the work was a hindrance, since it focused on one country at one point in time, making those sections the most likely to quickly become outdated.
It might have been better to take more of a general, survey view of those sections and give a broad overview of nonbinary medical and legal status around the world, or even take a thought-exercise approach and look at what would be ideal for nonbinary people in terms of medical treatment and legal recognition and what would need to be done to create such an ideal.
That’s a minor quibble, though, and I’m sure if I were a UK resident I would’ve found them more relevant. Overall, I thought They/Them/Their did a great job of combining a wide-ranging, accessible introduction to nonbinary identities with a more in-depth analysis of certain aspects.
They/Them/Their by Eris Young is a nonfiction guide to nonbinary and genderqueer identities. On the nonfiction accessibility scale from pop-nonfiction to academic works, this is definitely closer to the academic end; it is written for the layperson rather than the academic audience, but it does tend toward the denser side of things. That is not a criticism, mind; I personally found They/Them/Their to be a nice mix of in-depth information combined with a clear and concise writing style, but I can see being thrown off if you were expecting something lighter.
They/Them/Their is broken up into seven main sections, plus a thorough introduction: language, history from a global perspective, community, wider society, mental health, medicine, and the law.
I personally was most interested in the language, history, and community sections; I have an unabashed fascination for linguistics, grammar and the politics of grammar, foreign languages, and the like. Learning a language with a grammatical gender was actually one of the catalysts of my gender-questioning journey and I loved reading about how nonbinary people are trying to carve out a place for themselves in heavily gendered languages.
The medical and legal sections, while interesting, suffered a bit in my opinion because they were necessarily limited to a particular context (the current UK medical and legal system). I think perhaps that’s a spot where the more academic nature of the work was a hindrance, since it focused on one country at one point in time, making those sections the most likely to quickly become outdated.
It might have been better to take more of a general, survey view of those sections and give a broad overview of nonbinary medical and legal status around the world, or even take a thought-exercise approach and look at what would be ideal for nonbinary people in terms of medical treatment and legal recognition and what would need to be done to create such an ideal.
That’s a minor quibble, though, and I’m sure if I were a UK resident I would’ve found them more relevant. Overall, I thought They/Them/Their did a great job of combining a wide-ranging, accessible introduction to nonbinary identities with a more in-depth analysis of certain aspects.
March 9, 2020
This was a great introduction to nonbinary identities and makes for a short-ish handbook on how to help those in your life who identify as trans in any capacity, though most specifically nonbinary. It does some things right, such as the chapter about Community and the insidious nature of TERF logic , but it was lacking in some ways. The chapter on law was remarkably short, with only a glancing look at shelters for DV and a distinct lack of further policy suggestions. The medicalisation chapter was interesting and focused very importantly on the fact that trans people don’t want their bodies seen as a problem to be amended necessarily. I thought this was a good little book for beginners, but probably not one to bother so much with if you’re already reasonably deeply entrenched in queer theory and gender identity understanding.
October 21, 2019
Very much enjoyed and empowered by this carefully constructed summary of all things Genderqueer and much else also. Manages the balance to be both suitably academic to help assert that we do exist and will persist, whilst also enabling as a resource of kindness and friendly recognition.
I love emphatic assertions that gender variation should not be pathologised as a mental health disorder (someone please inform my Pychiatrist !),yet recognition of NB peoples exposure to mental illness due to dismissive approach so prevalent in media and society.
Clear that the author is also a writer of fiction, given their creative love of language and composition . Should be widely read by all, including NHS and Schools/employers.
I love emphatic assertions that gender variation should not be pathologised as a mental health disorder (someone please inform my Pychiatrist !),yet recognition of NB peoples exposure to mental illness due to dismissive approach so prevalent in media and society.
Clear that the author is also a writer of fiction, given their creative love of language and composition . Should be widely read by all, including NHS and Schools/employers.
February 5, 2020
Trigger/content warnings:
--- N/A
Representation:
--- non-fiction book about non-binary genders
I ended up initially DNFing this book at around 50%, but that isn't because the material itself was bad or the writing was atrocious, or anything like that. Honestly, I found it quite interesting --- it's the first book I've seen that covers non-binary and genderqueer genders, and I was excited to see what I could learn.
However, the writing style was just very...dry. It was similar to an article published in an academic journal. There's usually nothing wrong with that (I'm always down for a good academic article), but a whole book of it is hard to get through. I might get back to it over the course of the next couple months, but for now I've DNF'd.
--- N/A
Representation:
--- non-fiction book about non-binary genders
I ended up initially DNFing this book at around 50%, but that isn't because the material itself was bad or the writing was atrocious, or anything like that. Honestly, I found it quite interesting --- it's the first book I've seen that covers non-binary and genderqueer genders, and I was excited to see what I could learn.
However, the writing style was just very...dry. It was similar to an article published in an academic journal. There's usually nothing wrong with that (I'm always down for a good academic article), but a whole book of it is hard to get through. I might get back to it over the course of the next couple months, but for now I've DNF'd.
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