If you are one of those sick masochistic bastards who read 10 Years That I Loved You the Most and went back for more, this one's for you. Uncontrolled Love is like a speed run version of that but with more whiplash. Seriously, the amount of back and forth between the love interest thinking no homo, to yes homo, is certified insanity. I almost had an aneurysm reading this so really, proceed at your own risk and abandon all hope all ye who enter here.
First of all, that summery is a lie. I went into this thinking this was going to be a light rom com where the ml finally comes to terms with his feelings while lovingly bickering with the protagonist. Boy, was I a naive bitch!
The two volumes of this book can be basically be summed up as, Vol. 1: gaslighting no homo, and Vol 2: the audacity of this bitch. Both volumes hurt, but in different ways. The ml spends the entirety of Vol.1 ass deep (ha) in denial while also being the most homosexual homophobe I've ever seen in my life. Raise your hands if you too, as a straight man, like to cuddle in bed while spooning your buddy with a side of chest groping. Also, raise your hand if you, again as a self proclaimed strictly straight man, like to hug your male buddy from the back while he's cooking and then bite his ear since you're "hungry". I'm- I just feel so lost and this shit all takes place in like the 3rd chapter. Honestly, this volume could also be summed up as "the audacity of this bitch" because the ml then spends the rest of Vol. 1 being an abusive little ass bitch (heh) to the ml because he can't come to grips (lol) with his own feelings. I'm sorry I had to. This volume also features such hit bl classics such as rape, assault, victim blaming, slut shaming, slurs, and desperate homophobia. We also get a second love interest in this which, not gonna lie, gave me hopeful butterflies for a hot minute before the author crushed those feelings under their boot and left me on the asphalt because they hate happiness, me, and the protagonist. If any of y'all suffer from Second Lead Syndrome, steer clear: this guy did not get the standard second lead instruction memo and, instead, is one creepy ass rapist piece of shit masquerading as a good boy. Dare I say, worse than the ml?? Who knew.
Vol. 2 is just pain. And more pain. Honestly, couldn't tell you why I continued on this train wreck instead of just jumping off at the first platform. I'm dumb and for my sins I've been punished. With Vol. 2. Which is somehow worse than its predecessor. Here, the ml just spends his whole time being a bitter bitch who hurts the protagonist just to feel something. And yes, this is both verbal and physical abuse with a side of gaslighting. I don't want to get too much into this volume because just recalling it makes my chest hurt and makes me feel suffocated. Why I did this to myself when I'm in depression week? Again, I'm stupid. The only saving grace of this volume was the ending. There are 2 possible ending for this story: a tragic one and a happy one. Generally, I would pick the latter with zero hesitation because I like my endings happy. Especially in a story like this, I want my suffering to mean something by the end of it. But this is the one exception where I'm happy with the tragic ending. I don't know if it's my mood, but for once I was fine with the protagonist dying. I felt like after all the shit he has gone through these two volumes, with the way they broke him physically and mentally, he just earned that peace for himself away from these fuckers who made his life a living hell every day. Vengeance is mine; I will repay. His death acts as punishment for the ml in a really twisted way and for once I'm okay with that.
All in all, this is a misery fest and if you're into that, good for you. If not, steer clear. This will leave you feeling nothing but emptiness void of catharsis, like a silent scream stuck in your throat that you have no way to dislodge.
Aah, there’s just something about Lan Lin’s books that makes them unputdownable for me. They’re all tragic trainwrecks but in such a fascinating way.
Reading the comments from fellow readers of the translation was an interesting experience, it made me really aware of the fact that a lot of the cultural nuances (and not just translation wise) are lost when looking at this story from a purely Western perspective. I feel like at this point, we’ve been conditioned into seeing morality in black and white, we like to focus on finding a person to blame instead of understanding why terrible things happen, and looking at the bigger picture. For people who claim to be so accepting of other cultures, we really don’t do a good job of understanding the experiences of people who grew up being taught differently from ourselves.
I thought that, similar to Lan Lin’s other work A Round Trip to Love, it does a good job of exploring some of the the most toxic aspects of China’s culture, including classism, unreasonable familial expectations, and homophobia, although it explores these topics without the delicacy that they are often approached with in modern Western media. Honestly, I prefer it this way. Although the storyline is very different, this one also portrays a relationship where both people involved are very flawed, and both contribute to the misfortunes that befall them to some extent, which is what I prefer in these ‘dark romance’ type novels.
This was definitely a roller-coaster ride! One second everything is beautiful and happy, and the next I'm crying uncontrollably. There were a couple of scenes, especially the entirety of chapter 2, that I wasn't a big fan of. Some of them felt like they were only put in for extra drama. But those didn't take away from my overall enjoyment of this novel. The ending was really sweet, and the extra scene was pretty funny. This duology was really good, and I look forward to reading more novels by Lan Lin.