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I Want! I Want!
The title of Vicki Feaver’s remarkable new collection derives from Blake’s illustration of a child standing with one foot on a ladder to the moon, crying ‘I want! I want!’ In the title poem it represents her childhood ambition to be a poet; in another, she rejects pressure towards achievement and longs to return to the sensual world of the earth. This startlingly honest book follows the ladder of a life for seventy-five years, in poems that show how much is connected. Unlocking the voice of a silenced, powerless girl, Feaver writes about an apparently stable childhood which, to her, was painfully tormented with parental expectations and sibling jealousy, torn between mother and grandmother. The eleven-year-old who wanted to become a poet becomes the woman ‘buried under ice with words burning inside’, who becomes the old woman still ‘searching for words’ – fearful now of memory loss and a failing body. I Want! I Want! is the work of a poet looking for a pattern in her life before it’s too late. Urgent, accessible and deeply moving, this is poetry of witness and a vivid testament to the triumph of a poet’s spirit.
- GenresPoetry
80 pages, Paperback
First published November 21, 2019
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
September 11, 2022
4.5 stars!!
Loved this collection! Violent, passionate and deeply personal Vicki Feaver carves poems from painful memories. Favourites - ‘The Smell of Rubber’, ‘Hedgehog girl’ and ‘Bramble arm’ among many others!! :))
❤️❤️❤️🍓🫐
Loved this collection! Violent, passionate and deeply personal Vicki Feaver carves poems from painful memories. Favourites - ‘The Smell of Rubber’, ‘Hedgehog girl’ and ‘Bramble arm’ among many others!! :))
❤️❤️❤️🍓🫐
November 23, 2019
I ordered I Want! I Want! after hearing Vicki Feaver read her poem The Surgeon’s Widow on Radio 4. I’m so pleased I did, it’s a beautiful and deeply moving collection of poems.
October 29, 2020
Much of this a musing on memories of upbringing, of life past and awareness of the decline in function in one's seventies, so much of which resonated, reminded and received a nod of recognition from me. Plus several diversions in other directions.
As ever, it provided month of brief reading and long thoughts after I'd made my way to bed.
As ever, it provided month of brief reading and long thoughts after I'd made my way to bed.
November 7, 2020
Great slim volume of poems by a favourite poet of mine. V Feaver seems to be fully autobiographical, writing of key moments of her life, inspired by William Blake. I inevitably dig her work and this newest addition to her oeuvre is a breath of fresh air. She writes with clarity, sharpness and cadence. She starts with her childhood, and writes too of her loves, and parents. Violent images creep in to add pizzazz. The reader is taken on a most useful literary journey. I just have to read the volume all over again, it's so good! Great to see new poems by Vicki.
December 22, 2022
loved reading as a needy child x
July 6, 2020
Although Vicki Feaver published her first full-length collection in 1981, this, published in 2019, is only her fourth collection. So a book of Feaver's poems is a rare event, and something to be treasured. This collection concerns itself with youth and with old age: the first half discusses Feaver's childhood, including the long shadow of the WW2, as Feaver was born in 1943. The second half expresses fears, hopes and contradictions of old age. The two halves merge into one another, and the books feels like a seamless whole: the concerns of childhood and of old age mirror one another and seem to talk to one another. All of these poems are carefully considered, concise, and immediate. They rarely employ rhyme or meter, but words are chosen with precision. The stanzas and lines are short and accessible: this is a collection that it's easy to dip in and out of. That's not to say there's no profundity here: many of Feaver's poems express our emotional engagement with our parents, grandparents, or ourselves, in a fresh and tender way. The first half of this book was less engaging than the second half: Feaver's perspective on childhood isn't unique, and there's something well worn about some of her images and ideas. I found her perspective on old age bloodier, more alive, and more compelling: I suppose everyone has a childhood, and many writers discuss it, but they don't all engage with ageing as a subject.
"Head Wars" in which the writer's internal mother and grandmother wage a war in her mind, while her own nerve endings begin to fail, is a powerful and daring portrait of the scars we carry with us as well as the new challenges we face. The beautiful "The Surgeon's Widow" describes a woman exhuming her husband's skeleton, and sleeping with him spooning her from behind in the bed in an eerie and intimate image. "Blueprint for a Mother" is particularly moving: the grown woman longs for a mother she can trust and who will soothe her,
[a mother] who'll put her arms round the girl,
young woman, older woman,
and even the grandmother --
all in there, huddled
in the dark, like a family
in a bomb shelter, frightened
of being blown apart.
Bridging the two halves, Feaver writes about imaginary creatures, such as the "Hedgehog Girl", who was "born bristling / with prickles", the Snow Queen and a mermaid. These poems are deft and full of fresh images: my favourite was "Bramble Arm", in which the right arm is "encircled by brambles, // coiled from elbow to wrist / like barbed wire", an original image that has an emblematic quality that feels as though it's coming straight from a Christian Anderson fairytale. Some of the poems about childhood can be trite, such as "VE Day Photo", in which the toddler remains grim despite the parents' celebration, or "The Sewing Machine" in which the sound of the machine evokes the absent father. Better poems capture something angry and raw: "The Girl Who Liked to be Tickled" describes the girl first enjoying then fearing to be tickled, and creates a strong emotional connection with the powerlessness of childhood, "his fingers were scuttling / like mice all over my body". The poems named after years are also working - "1958" and "1974": perhaps by being grounded in a particular moment, evoke something about youth that feels eternally true.
A moving, skillful collection, full of direct poems that linger in the mind: I recommend this, including to "reluctant readers" of poetry.
"Head Wars" in which the writer's internal mother and grandmother wage a war in her mind, while her own nerve endings begin to fail, is a powerful and daring portrait of the scars we carry with us as well as the new challenges we face. The beautiful "The Surgeon's Widow" describes a woman exhuming her husband's skeleton, and sleeping with him spooning her from behind in the bed in an eerie and intimate image. "Blueprint for a Mother" is particularly moving: the grown woman longs for a mother she can trust and who will soothe her,
[a mother] who'll put her arms round the girl,
young woman, older woman,
and even the grandmother --
all in there, huddled
in the dark, like a family
in a bomb shelter, frightened
of being blown apart.
Bridging the two halves, Feaver writes about imaginary creatures, such as the "Hedgehog Girl", who was "born bristling / with prickles", the Snow Queen and a mermaid. These poems are deft and full of fresh images: my favourite was "Bramble Arm", in which the right arm is "encircled by brambles, // coiled from elbow to wrist / like barbed wire", an original image that has an emblematic quality that feels as though it's coming straight from a Christian Anderson fairytale. Some of the poems about childhood can be trite, such as "VE Day Photo", in which the toddler remains grim despite the parents' celebration, or "The Sewing Machine" in which the sound of the machine evokes the absent father. Better poems capture something angry and raw: "The Girl Who Liked to be Tickled" describes the girl first enjoying then fearing to be tickled, and creates a strong emotional connection with the powerlessness of childhood, "his fingers were scuttling / like mice all over my body". The poems named after years are also working - "1958" and "1974": perhaps by being grounded in a particular moment, evoke something about youth that feels eternally true.
A moving, skillful collection, full of direct poems that linger in the mind: I recommend this, including to "reluctant readers" of poetry.
May 31, 2025
This book grabbed me from the cover, with the illustration and title, “I Want! I Want!” Feaver made me love her book even more by dedicating a poem by the same title to William Blake.
“Stealing, aged eleven,
a cornflower-blue copy
of your poems, reading it
by torchlight, I decided
to be a poet…”
Feaver was born into war-torn England in 1943. Fortunately, she missed the significance of much of the war’s hardship until later, when rebuilding and food rationing continued to create shortages. The first poems are written from her child’s view, then become a bit more philosophical as she moves on. I enjoyed the simplicity, a deceptive thing, as she
twisted life’s events into her view.
In “VE Day Photo,” she seems to leap from toddlerhood to a grieving adult.
“Say ‘cheese’! Daddy says,
wanting me to smile
for the camera.
But I grip my flag unsmiling,
solemn and proud
as if carrying the grief
of the whole house.”
In “Head Wars,” she tells us,
“My mother and grandmoataher
live in my head, sparring
and throwing crockery
as they did fifty years ago
in their shared kitchen…”
I’m now old enough to appreciate Feaver’s words about aging in “Forgetfulness.”
“When my memory
was a film library
with a keen curator
who knew precisely
where to find clips
of every word
I wished unsaid,
or deed undone,
to play back to me
on sleepless night,
I’d have welcomed her
muddling the reels…”
“Stealing, aged eleven,
a cornflower-blue copy
of your poems, reading it
by torchlight, I decided
to be a poet…”
Feaver was born into war-torn England in 1943. Fortunately, she missed the significance of much of the war’s hardship until later, when rebuilding and food rationing continued to create shortages. The first poems are written from her child’s view, then become a bit more philosophical as she moves on. I enjoyed the simplicity, a deceptive thing, as she
twisted life’s events into her view.
In “VE Day Photo,” she seems to leap from toddlerhood to a grieving adult.
“Say ‘cheese’! Daddy says,
wanting me to smile
for the camera.
But I grip my flag unsmiling,
solemn and proud
as if carrying the grief
of the whole house.”
In “Head Wars,” she tells us,
“My mother and grandmoataher
live in my head, sparring
and throwing crockery
as they did fifty years ago
in their shared kitchen…”
I’m now old enough to appreciate Feaver’s words about aging in “Forgetfulness.”
“When my memory
was a film library
with a keen curator
who knew precisely
where to find clips
of every word
I wished unsaid,
or deed undone,
to play back to me
on sleepless night,
I’d have welcomed her
muddling the reels…”
January 28, 2025
ok so this was a poignant look into childhood and academic ambition. went into this assuming it would be more focussed upon ‘ex-gifted child syndrome’, and was much more concerned with loss and the sentiment found in past recollection, whether a positive thought or not.
particular mention to ‘second childhood’; that made me feel a lot of things.
‘the scent of tomatoes’ was a sweet one, ‘the girl who liked to be tickled’, and ‘the surgeons widow’. found ‘death and the maiden’ a common trope and very much book thief coded.
really liked ‘boy with a knife’ - very much saviour complex vibes. and ‘the rabbit hutch’ was very primary school to me.
i would recommend still!!!
particular mention to ‘second childhood’; that made me feel a lot of things.
‘the scent of tomatoes’ was a sweet one, ‘the girl who liked to be tickled’, and ‘the surgeons widow’. found ‘death and the maiden’ a common trope and very much book thief coded.
really liked ‘boy with a knife’ - very much saviour complex vibes. and ‘the rabbit hutch’ was very primary school to me.
i would recommend still!!!
October 19, 2020
I really enjoyed this, which is - I think - the fourth collection of poetry from Vicki Feaver.
They are beautifully crafted and sharply personal. She's exceptionally good at writing about nature too, which I'm always something of a sucker for.
I particularly liked 'Hedgehog Girl' but there's a lot to like here.
Recommended.
They are beautifully crafted and sharply personal. She's exceptionally good at writing about nature too, which I'm always something of a sucker for.
I particularly liked 'Hedgehog Girl' but there's a lot to like here.
Recommended.
February 3, 2022
A mixed bunch but some excellent. 4 1/2 Stars.
This is a strange collection which contains some fairly weak poems. But enough of that. What is important is that it contains some excellent poems.
This is a strange collection which contains some fairly weak poems. But enough of that. What is important is that it contains some excellent poems.
December 26, 2020
The poems that touched me most:
- 1974
- Hedgehog Girl
- Bramble Arm
- Head Wats
- The Woman Who Married A Man Who Loved Silence
- Forgetfulness
- Second childhood
- Bone-House
- 1974
- Hedgehog Girl
- Bramble Arm
- Head Wats
- The Woman Who Married A Man Who Loved Silence
- Forgetfulness
- Second childhood
- Bone-House
August 29, 2022
poor sylvia plath’s rolling in her grave after reading this
November 21, 2022
God I love this woman.
January 1, 2023
Favourites were the ladder, hedgehog girl and forgetfullness
December 31, 2023
*It
*Wasn't
*As remarkably
*Noteworthy as
*THE BOOK OF BLOOD was for me personally, nevertheless
*I still found Vicki's indomitable
*Wit, imaginatively-used subject matter (the mundane merged with the fantastical; the domestic & the surreal side by side, etc.), her unique poetic voice, & what I've termed the "Feaver-finale" which concludes each of her poems impressionably in these pages just
*As original, engrossing & re-readable as the first time I read her. She might've been in her late 70s when she wrote these poems, but her verse is vibrant, vigorous & desirous, showcasing the main theme of the collection. Having
*Now only read
*Two poetry books of hers, she has fast become a favourite poet of mine, making me look forward to reading & adding THE HANDLESS MAIDEN to my Vicki Feaver Cape Poetry collection; as well as hoping she's still got enough energy & time to publish more poetry collections.
*Wasn't
*As remarkably
*Noteworthy as
*THE BOOK OF BLOOD was for me personally, nevertheless
*I still found Vicki's indomitable
*Wit, imaginatively-used subject matter (the mundane merged with the fantastical; the domestic & the surreal side by side, etc.), her unique poetic voice, & what I've termed the "Feaver-finale" which concludes each of her poems impressionably in these pages just
*As original, engrossing & re-readable as the first time I read her. She might've been in her late 70s when she wrote these poems, but her verse is vibrant, vigorous & desirous, showcasing the main theme of the collection. Having
*Now only read
*Two poetry books of hers, she has fast become a favourite poet of mine, making me look forward to reading & adding THE HANDLESS MAIDEN to my Vicki Feaver Cape Poetry collection; as well as hoping she's still got enough energy & time to publish more poetry collections.
December 10, 2025
Never a truer poem written than The Mower from this collection.
I like this book and pick it up often.
Poems featuring snow and sailing always mesmerise me and there's a couple here.
I like this book and pick it up often.
Poems featuring snow and sailing always mesmerise me and there's a couple here.
November 5, 2024
This is a poetry collection of two halves. It's about the memories of youth — mostly bad ones — as well as the reflections and experiences of a much older woman. The blurb of the copy I have describes the collection as giving “a voice to the silent child” and articulating “the often-unheard voice of old age.” It's a narration of the 75 years of Vicky Feaver's life told through these incredibly evocative vignettes that manage to be accessible but still so nuanced and emotive. Reading these poems genuinely felt like watching TV — specifically those really pretty anime series or films that are all vibes and cinematic shots, no plot.
Being a collection of poems about one woman’s 75 years of living, there are a bunch of themes. The poems that stuck out to me the most spoke about beauty and death and mother-daughter relationships — there was a lot of the latter, particularly in the memories of youth half. A theme I did not initially recognise until I finished the collection and re-read the blurb is the theme of wanting — a daughter (thinks she) wants to die, a wife wants her dead husband back, a young woman wants to stop climbing “the ladder of academic and social success” to return to simpler times. Writing this, I realise this is a collection plagued with discontent. You only want and want, when you are not happy.
The memories of youth section really resonated with me, but the older age section fell a bit short. And this is no fault of the poet, it’s definitely a me problem. I feel like my age and lack of pivotal life experiences inhibited my ability to fully appreciate the later poems. They were still beautifully written, but I’ve never had my husband die, my body isn’t collapsing before me, I’m not a mother — so such poems didn’t hit me as hard as they might’ve for others. I think I’ll be able to fully appreciate the collection in some years time when I’ve lived more life.
So, for now, I'm going to give this collection 2.5 of out of 5 stars.
Being a collection of poems about one woman’s 75 years of living, there are a bunch of themes. The poems that stuck out to me the most spoke about beauty and death and mother-daughter relationships — there was a lot of the latter, particularly in the memories of youth half. A theme I did not initially recognise until I finished the collection and re-read the blurb is the theme of wanting — a daughter (thinks she) wants to die, a wife wants her dead husband back, a young woman wants to stop climbing “the ladder of academic and social success” to return to simpler times. Writing this, I realise this is a collection plagued with discontent. You only want and want, when you are not happy.
The memories of youth section really resonated with me, but the older age section fell a bit short. And this is no fault of the poet, it’s definitely a me problem. I feel like my age and lack of pivotal life experiences inhibited my ability to fully appreciate the later poems. They were still beautifully written, but I’ve never had my husband die, my body isn’t collapsing before me, I’m not a mother — so such poems didn’t hit me as hard as they might’ve for others. I think I’ll be able to fully appreciate the collection in some years time when I’ve lived more life.
So, for now, I'm going to give this collection 2.5 of out of 5 stars.
November 27, 2024
I really enjoyed this collection of poems - it's hard to choose favourites because there are so many I like.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews