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Did You Say Something, Susan?: How Any Woman Can Gain Confidence With Assertive Communication
A potent/engaging guide that empowers women personally and professionally. Rich with anecdotes and examples, "Did You Say Something, Susan?" provides self-assessments and exercises, role-playing, positive imagery techniques, and mental rehearsal that will help you achieve a level of effectiveness and self-confidence you might have thought impossible. Serving as coach and counselor, this no nonsense guide will help you make immediate and long-term changes in your life and inspire a new courage to express yourself in any situation.
- GenresCommunicationNonfiction
197 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 1998
About the author
Paulette Dale
22 books10 followersDr. Paulette Dale is a Professor Emeritus and internationally known lecturer and consultant. She is the author of many successful books and has been interviewed for articles in Red Book, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Day, New Woman, Chicago Tribune, and People magazines. She’s been featured in Newsweek, the Miami Herald, the Washington Post, the New York Times, Huffington Post, Business Insider, Vanity Fair, and on Fox News, MSNBC, NBC live, and the Fenity Files to name a few. She has even been parodied on Saturday Night Live for her assertiveness. Her books have sold hundreds of thousands of copies. She has been referred to as a “national treasure” on social media.
Dr. Dale was named “one of 1000 women celebrated for their passion, dedication, and strength” in the fifth anniversary edition of Mirabella magazine. On the floor of Congress, the Honorable Carrie Meek praised her work on helping women develop higher self-esteem through assertive communication.
Congresswoman Meek concluded, “It’s a privilege to pay tribute to Dr. Paulette Dale, who uses her vast knowledge and experiences to help others.” “Did you say something, Susan” has been translated into Spanish, Korean, and Japanese. Paulette Dale is clearly the reigning authority on assertive communication for women in the United States and around the world today.
Dr. Dale was named “one of 1000 women celebrated for their passion, dedication, and strength” in the fifth anniversary edition of Mirabella magazine. On the floor of Congress, the Honorable Carrie Meek praised her work on helping women develop higher self-esteem through assertive communication.
Congresswoman Meek concluded, “It’s a privilege to pay tribute to Dr. Paulette Dale, who uses her vast knowledge and experiences to help others.” “Did you say something, Susan” has been translated into Spanish, Korean, and Japanese. Paulette Dale is clearly the reigning authority on assertive communication for women in the United States and around the world today.
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
March 9, 2021
By far the best book on the topic. So well written. I relate to all the examples and tips. I’ve already used the wonderful information and feel empowered just having read this book.
It’s more than a book about assertive communication. It’s a book about effective communication. Everybody could benefit from this even people who consider themselves assertive. Highly recommend.
It’s more than a book about assertive communication. It’s a book about effective communication. Everybody could benefit from this even people who consider themselves assertive. Highly recommend.
March 13, 2021
Couldn’t put this down. Best advice I’ve ever read on how to communicate more assertively. I will be buying copies for my friends, daughter, and daughter-in-law. extremely well written. The examples and real life situations are so spot on target with what most women face on a daily basis at work or with friends. Highly recommend this book.
March 8, 2021
Great book! It has helped me become more assertive, I am introverted and it can be e little more difficult for someone like me to communicate assertively in certain circumstances and the book has been great. Definitely recommended.
December 10, 2016
3.5
This book gives good scenarios and pointers without the trying to hard to be hip & "in". I still feel left with questions, buts and what ifs.
This book gives good scenarios and pointers without the trying to hard to be hip & "in". I still feel left with questions, buts and what ifs.
March 3, 2023
Dr. Dale’s penned masterpiece is touching beyond measure. Empowerment is an embracing tangible and intangible wealth that impacts the mind, body, and soul. This read is deeply meaningful to me as the well-articulated thoughts resonate with me for the wisdom and methodologies she shares. Empathy and wisdom of the heart encapsulates cognitive empathy utilizing both logic and emotion to master communication placing one in a place for impact. This read is exceptional for highlighting situations Women may often find themselves for the harsh words spoken that may seek to chisel away at the internal wealth of them from ego driven people. Many examples and tools with the exercises provided show how many Women may relate to the situations endured with a reality that is uncomfortable that requires an action for executing in confidence strategic mastery in tactical execution of assertive communication to realign the negativity and walk away in strength. The dissemination of the words she shares are melodic for embracing. This is clarity in writing and thought. To be asked what cognitive empathy looks like this read would be text book material to follow for implementation. The way this is shared I personally felt the experiences in the views of her and the responses for how to combat them where heartfelt and wisely presented. Mohadesa Najumi’s quote is fitting for this read for the encapsulation of these tools will cement a path forward for others to see the reason why, “The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.” This is a bookshelf copy for and highly recommend this 5 star read. The examples are simply priceless for embracing.
March 25, 2024
Did You Say Something, Susan? How any woman can gain confidence with assertive communication second edition
A Ph.D. shares how women can learn to be assertive communicators. To sum it up we have to stand up for ourselves. Easier said than done, right? Her main recommendations include visualizing, practicing, and or role-playing.
But that's not all the book offers. Paulette also gives us real-world examples and exercises to see and try. Paulette also offers an explanation (not a justification) about why some people target others for verbal put-downs. She also offers suggestions on what to do about it. Such as the types of responses to give as well as the delivery given with body language. She also talks about ways to say no, how to deal with put-downs, speaking up on the job, etc.
It's a good book. I may check out this book again in the future for a refresher. It isn't the answer to being able to stand up for yourself but it is. Mumm.. This book is like a cloud of smoke in a forest. You're lost and looking for civilization. You see this smoke cloud and know you're close. But you still have to put in the work and get going. It's a good starting point.
Side note (s):
Although it is with directed toward women, men could also use and apply the suggestions.
I would have liked more examples and answers.
I enjoyed the unspoken message of you deserve to be respected and here's how to start. As well as the message of you shouldn't be sorry for what you want.
Also wished there was a chapter on dealing with men who want to impose their wants/ attention. Ex. stranger following a girl despite her repeatedly showing and saying she is not interested.
A Ph.D. shares how women can learn to be assertive communicators. To sum it up we have to stand up for ourselves. Easier said than done, right? Her main recommendations include visualizing, practicing, and or role-playing.
But that's not all the book offers. Paulette also gives us real-world examples and exercises to see and try. Paulette also offers an explanation (not a justification) about why some people target others for verbal put-downs. She also offers suggestions on what to do about it. Such as the types of responses to give as well as the delivery given with body language. She also talks about ways to say no, how to deal with put-downs, speaking up on the job, etc.
It's a good book. I may check out this book again in the future for a refresher. It isn't the answer to being able to stand up for yourself but it is. Mumm.. This book is like a cloud of smoke in a forest. You're lost and looking for civilization. You see this smoke cloud and know you're close. But you still have to put in the work and get going. It's a good starting point.
Side note (s):
Although it is with directed toward women, men could also use and apply the suggestions.
I would have liked more examples and answers.
I enjoyed the unspoken message of you deserve to be respected and here's how to start. As well as the message of you shouldn't be sorry for what you want.
Also wished there was a chapter on dealing with men who want to impose their wants/ attention. Ex. stranger following a girl despite her repeatedly showing and saying she is not interested.
October 7, 2022
I wish I had this book 30 years ago. I have been too polite, too accommodating, tried to hard for others who have treated me poorly. We are taught as girls to be cooperative, to be helpful, to be friendly, to be pretty, to be liked. And then somewhere along the line as adults, we start to feel empty, cheated, alone, angry, anxious. Paulette teaches us how to sort through the clamor of external voices and expectations dictating how to behave, what to say, who to be in order to "go along to get along," and then learn to quiet those voices to discover (and communicate!) our own authentic being. This is a book not just of self-empowerment, but of self-dignity. I want high school girls to read it.
August 5, 2023
This book was written specifically for women.
But if you're a man, it applies to you as well.
Especially if you're a man who subscribes to and tries to follow the old saying, NO is a complete sentence.
Especially if you're a man who uses his power, authority, and position to back up his no.
Especially if you're a man who's starting to notice that those around him, that those he cares about and wants to have a closer relationship with, seem to be a little more, ah, distant than before.
And especially if you're a man like me, who at one time did not know how to say no, and who, at 15-years-old, made a rash decision that could have killed himself and his parents.
But if you're a man, it applies to you as well.
Especially if you're a man who subscribes to and tries to follow the old saying, NO is a complete sentence.
Especially if you're a man who uses his power, authority, and position to back up his no.
Especially if you're a man who's starting to notice that those around him, that those he cares about and wants to have a closer relationship with, seem to be a little more, ah, distant than before.
And especially if you're a man like me, who at one time did not know how to say no, and who, at 15-years-old, made a rash decision that could have killed himself and his parents.
April 1, 2024
A Guide to Authentic Self-Expression, this book is a transformative gem amidst the sea of books on assertiveness and self-respect. Its gentle yet powerful approach gently guides readers through various scenarios, emphasizing the importance of expressing oneself authentically for personal growth rather than external validation. With clear and concise writing, this book offers practical strategies to navigate assertiveness with grace, encouraging readers to shed the guise of indifference and embrace genuine self-expression. It's a must-read for any woman seeking to cultivate true confidence and inner strength.
December 23, 2020
Have you ever kicked yourself for what you should have said? Have you ever been afraid to speak up, certain that you didn’t have the “right” response? This powerful, practical guide offers proven techniques that empower women to express themselves in any situation and gain the respect and admiration of others.
“Did You Say Something, Susan?” is a must read for every woman. (It’s not a bad idea for men either!) Dr. Paulette Dale offers solid advice to help women effectively communicate with impact and grace in all situations. — Mark Victor Hansen, Coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Soul
“Did You Say Something, Susan?” is a must read for every woman. (It’s not a bad idea for men either!) Dr. Paulette Dale offers solid advice to help women effectively communicate with impact and grace in all situations. — Mark Victor Hansen, Coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Soul
August 25, 2021
I often search for training materials to loan clients who struggle to speak up when they face guilt trippers and those who manipulate and intimidate them. Paulette Dale’s Did You Say Something, Susan? absolutely fits this niche. Dale writes in a clear, easy-to-understand, conversation styles and provides readers multiple assessment tools and practical exercises so they can immediately put into practice her strategies. I love that Dale provides readers tools to use when their feelings get the best of them and reminds readers that speaking up, even when they fear to do so, protects how they feel about themselves.
September 18, 2022
Interesting, relatable, and practical.
Paulette delivers clear and informative guidance on the value of choosing assertive communication coupled with exercises to practice and build your skills. This book is filled with examples of what women often say, paired with specific language changes that make your communication assertive without being aggressive. This book is valuable for anyone who feels marginalized or othered and is ready to take up the space you deserve in every conversation.
Paulette delivers clear and informative guidance on the value of choosing assertive communication coupled with exercises to practice and build your skills. This book is filled with examples of what women often say, paired with specific language changes that make your communication assertive without being aggressive. This book is valuable for anyone who feels marginalized or othered and is ready to take up the space you deserve in every conversation.
April 16, 2021
This book was spot-on in dealing with my occasional feelings of not being heard. It taught, through concrete examples and make-sense hypotheticals, how to deal with people who take advantage or always expect a yes answer. An enjoyable read that I highly recommend for anyone who would like to have more confidence in their voice and respect from others.
May 22, 2022
Fantastic Female Empowerment
Have you ever been at a loss for words? Have you ever been so stung that you’re struck speechless? This is the book for you! It’s hard to deal with bullies, but it can be even harder when you’re the only female in the room. Make sure you’re taking notes because this author equips you with quick quips and practices you can file away and retrieve when the office bully comes calling. Protecting your self-esteem doesn’t have to be a battle and Paulette Dale Ph.D gives you practical and actionable advice on empowering your speech and subsequently, your dignity. Highly recommend!
Have you ever been at a loss for words? Have you ever been so stung that you’re struck speechless? This is the book for you! It’s hard to deal with bullies, but it can be even harder when you’re the only female in the room. Make sure you’re taking notes because this author equips you with quick quips and practices you can file away and retrieve when the office bully comes calling. Protecting your self-esteem doesn’t have to be a battle and Paulette Dale Ph.D gives you practical and actionable advice on empowering your speech and subsequently, your dignity. Highly recommend!
August 18, 2011
I did like this book, and I could see reccommending it to clients I counsel. The activities and exercises are great. Her writing style is easy to read and the book is well laid out. She covers pretty much all the important issues with a fair amount of detail and great examples.
So why the relatively low rating? Well, I did find the book oversimplified the problems of unassertiveness. I would've liked an entire chapter just on the role of women in society and how that influences our potential unassertiveness. She just didn't go deeply enough for my liking as to the causes of unassertiveness. For a person with real, long term problems speaking up for themselves this book wouldn't be enough either. I had a real issue with the way the author seemed to suggest that all you had to do was read the book and follow her program and you could become assertive. For many it isn't that easy.
So why the relatively low rating? Well, I did find the book oversimplified the problems of unassertiveness. I would've liked an entire chapter just on the role of women in society and how that influences our potential unassertiveness. She just didn't go deeply enough for my liking as to the causes of unassertiveness. For a person with real, long term problems speaking up for themselves this book wouldn't be enough either. I had a real issue with the way the author seemed to suggest that all you had to do was read the book and follow her program and you could become assertive. For many it isn't that easy.
September 8, 2021
Latest Endorsement
“…The interactive exercises in each chapter are brief and specific
and always include a sample solution that guides readers to
a recommended approach to taking control over the situation.
This format often works well, as it gives readers a tangible solution
to situations that they come across every day…. An informative
compilation of examples and exercises…” - Kirkus Reviews
“…The interactive exercises in each chapter are brief and specific
and always include a sample solution that guides readers to
a recommended approach to taking control over the situation.
This format often works well, as it gives readers a tangible solution
to situations that they come across every day…. An informative
compilation of examples and exercises…” - Kirkus Reviews
October 1, 2021
Dr. Paulette Dale has some impressive chops when it comes to assertive communication. I loved how she compared very clearly the difference between an aggressive response and an assertive one. I noticed that being polite is essential, but saying sorry is not. I recognized some of the circumstances where I'd met with criticism or put-downs, which surprised me. We can all learn something from this book, whether we already feel assertive or like a mouse. Thank you Paulette!
April 13, 2021
Clear and Well Written. Awesome Book.
Written in a friendly clear style. The examples are great and represent situations we all face. The advice is excellent and easy to follow. I wish I had read a book like this years ago. But it’s never too late!
Written in a friendly clear style. The examples are great and represent situations we all face. The advice is excellent and easy to follow. I wish I had read a book like this years ago. But it’s never too late!
February 13, 2010
Some interesting ideas here...not sure I'm ready with any snappy come-backs, but I'm forever grasping for one!
March 11, 2021
Great book! 🙌
June 6, 2021
A practical primer for ANY adult of any age! Communicating effectively is essential for women who are constantly being bullied, trivialized, and put-down. A perfect graduation gift.
July 20, 2021
Helpful information
I'll refer to this book time and again. I found many helpful examples for standing up for myself in clear and kind language.
I'll refer to this book time and again. I found many helpful examples for standing up for myself in clear and kind language.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews