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Intended for Pleasure
Book by Ed Wheat, Gaye Wheat
Paperback
First published November 30, 1976
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 149 reviews
July 4, 2021
This book should stay in the 50's, when the idea of the wife as second-class citizen was normal. This book should either be massively updated, or discontinued. It should absolutely not be recommended to young couples nowadays without huge caveats about its insulting ideas about women. (Instead, I would wholeheartedly recommend The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex: And You Thought Bad Girls Have All the Fun. Don't sweat the title, it's a beautiful treatise on intimacy in marriage.) Update: Sheila Gregoire has a new book out called The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended and I've heard great things about it!
I haven't read all of Intended for Pleasure, and I am sure the sex tips and the trouble-shooting are very useful to married couples experiencing problems. However, the chapter on "How to be a Perfect Wife" portrayed a very unrealistic, unhealthy, anti-feminist, and out-of-date view of marriage. There is no chapter on "How to be a Perfect Husband," or even a good husband, or a decent human being: the onus is on the wife to be perfect, to be fresh and perfumed at all times to be her most desirable, and not to "let herself go"--with the omission seeming to say that husbands are already perfect and must not be questioned.
For the authors, their audience being a two-career household is not even an option: the wife is expected to stay home, so that she can clean the house, keep the children clean and happy, cook, and do such things as take naps during the daytime so that she can stay up late to support her husband if he has to stay up late. There is no mention of the possibility that having the wife stay at home may not be an option for your economic situation, or not be your preference as a woman who is a fully realized individual with her own goals, or even that the husband (being his own individual and having all the rights and goals open to women as well) might choose to stay at home and the wife work.
Gaye Wheat writes that a wife should never decline her husband's sexual advances if she's not in the mood. She writes that secular counselors will tell women that it is okay to say no, but "as a Christian" she thinks that a Christian woman should never say no but "pray to God for strength" and keep concentrating on the inner mantra that "This is pleasing to me. This is pleasant to my body. I am experiencing nice sensations." However, if the husband is not in the mood, he can surely say no, and this is the wife's fault for not keeping the house clean enough, the kids happy enough, and planning too many things for the husband to do.
All of this is absurd and infuriating. I and five of my adult friends (both men and women) were horrified, disgusted, and enraged with sections of this book read aloud. Husbands and wives should support EACH OTHER: this is not a one-way street. Women are not slaves in their own homes anymore. And husbands don't want them to be, either.
I haven't read all of Intended for Pleasure, and I am sure the sex tips and the trouble-shooting are very useful to married couples experiencing problems. However, the chapter on "How to be a Perfect Wife" portrayed a very unrealistic, unhealthy, anti-feminist, and out-of-date view of marriage. There is no chapter on "How to be a Perfect Husband," or even a good husband, or a decent human being: the onus is on the wife to be perfect, to be fresh and perfumed at all times to be her most desirable, and not to "let herself go"--with the omission seeming to say that husbands are already perfect and must not be questioned.
For the authors, their audience being a two-career household is not even an option: the wife is expected to stay home, so that she can clean the house, keep the children clean and happy, cook, and do such things as take naps during the daytime so that she can stay up late to support her husband if he has to stay up late. There is no mention of the possibility that having the wife stay at home may not be an option for your economic situation, or not be your preference as a woman who is a fully realized individual with her own goals, or even that the husband (being his own individual and having all the rights and goals open to women as well) might choose to stay at home and the wife work.
Gaye Wheat writes that a wife should never decline her husband's sexual advances if she's not in the mood. She writes that secular counselors will tell women that it is okay to say no, but "as a Christian" she thinks that a Christian woman should never say no but "pray to God for strength" and keep concentrating on the inner mantra that "This is pleasing to me. This is pleasant to my body. I am experiencing nice sensations." However, if the husband is not in the mood, he can surely say no, and this is the wife's fault for not keeping the house clean enough, the kids happy enough, and planning too many things for the husband to do.
All of this is absurd and infuriating. I and five of my adult friends (both men and women) were horrified, disgusted, and enraged with sections of this book read aloud. Husbands and wives should support EACH OTHER: this is not a one-way street. Women are not slaves in their own homes anymore. And husbands don't want them to be, either.
February 26, 2008
Written from a man's perspective, I felt like I4P was insensitive to women. The tone of the book was cold and matter-of-fact. Funny line, "if you do this...I guarantee..." There are no such guarantees because all bodies are different. The first edition was published ages ago -- and though it has been updated, it certainly feels out of date.
Books I'd recommend instead:
A Celebration of Sex (by Roseneau): For the couple, comprehensive, written by a licensed psychologist, Christian sex therapist.
Sheet Music (by Leman): A fun, light book that is also very informative.
Intimate Issues (by Dillow): For the woman and the woman's sake.
Books I'd recommend instead:
A Celebration of Sex (by Roseneau): For the couple, comprehensive, written by a licensed psychologist, Christian sex therapist.
Sheet Music (by Leman): A fun, light book that is also very informative.
Intimate Issues (by Dillow): For the woman and the woman's sake.
July 19, 2015
I read this many years ago, and have been giving it away in my pre-marital counseling, also for many years. I recently decided I ought to read it again, and was pleased to see that the book had weathered the years well. There are parts that are a bit too "medically sounding," but there is a lot of good info here for young couples. I guess I will continue giving it away.
December 20, 2021
This book was given to me by my mom to replace "the talk", about three days before I left home to get married.
Frankly, I didn't read it. Until now, over two years later, I was watching a documentary on the Duggers and it mentioned this book. Naturally, I was enragged. I was horrified. Their son is looking at prison for sexual abuse, and this is the book they recommend. Obviously, this book is not to blame in any way shape or form, but this horror made me pull it off the self.
I suppose yes, this is the book to go to if you were rased super conservative (like me) and had no idea what sex was for too long of a time because it was just too shameful to talk about. The thing is, in these modern times it is hard to hold on to the ignorance as until your wedding night and handing this book to a person a few days before they get married doesn't actually help.
It is more likely they will get mis-information and ideas from movies and the internet. Do you really want the internet to teach your kids because you're hidding this book until their wedding night?
So as a peice of advice to any of you looking to give this as a gift to some engaged girl that is a good Christian virgin, just don't. There are better things, like talking. Talk about it. Talk about it, then find a better book. And give that book to the guy.
I am sure there are better things to read if you are about to get married.
There is ONE chapter written by the wife of this man, and though she says some true things, like that the wife is a reflection of her husband, she just seems to suppose that every husband out there is perfect and we women are the ones who need to up our game and be more pleasing. Get a load of this: "if your husband does not want you to be fat, you will avoid adding those ten pounds a year." Oh ok, I was going to add some ten pounds but I guess if my husband doesn't like that, I won't. She claims that the Word Of God instructs us to "adapt oursleves" to our husbands. When, lady, tell me what verse says that.
We are to be humble and seek other's happiness over our own, but that's all of us Christians. So now give me the chapter on how to be a perfect husband, oh right, there isn't one.
Anyway, just really bugged at the Christianity of this sex book... really wish parents would just talk to there kids and not treat sex like something evil and gross and mysterious. Maybe the Christian young folks wouldn't be so terrified and confused.
Frankly, I didn't read it. Until now, over two years later, I was watching a documentary on the Duggers and it mentioned this book. Naturally, I was enragged. I was horrified. Their son is looking at prison for sexual abuse, and this is the book they recommend. Obviously, this book is not to blame in any way shape or form, but this horror made me pull it off the self.
I suppose yes, this is the book to go to if you were rased super conservative (like me) and had no idea what sex was for too long of a time because it was just too shameful to talk about. The thing is, in these modern times it is hard to hold on to the ignorance as until your wedding night and handing this book to a person a few days before they get married doesn't actually help.
It is more likely they will get mis-information and ideas from movies and the internet. Do you really want the internet to teach your kids because you're hidding this book until their wedding night?
So as a peice of advice to any of you looking to give this as a gift to some engaged girl that is a good Christian virgin, just don't. There are better things, like talking. Talk about it. Talk about it, then find a better book. And give that book to the guy.
I am sure there are better things to read if you are about to get married.
There is ONE chapter written by the wife of this man, and though she says some true things, like that the wife is a reflection of her husband, she just seems to suppose that every husband out there is perfect and we women are the ones who need to up our game and be more pleasing. Get a load of this: "if your husband does not want you to be fat, you will avoid adding those ten pounds a year." Oh ok, I was going to add some ten pounds but I guess if my husband doesn't like that, I won't. She claims that the Word Of God instructs us to "adapt oursleves" to our husbands. When, lady, tell me what verse says that.
We are to be humble and seek other's happiness over our own, but that's all of us Christians. So now give me the chapter on how to be a perfect husband, oh right, there isn't one.
Anyway, just really bugged at the Christianity of this sex book... really wish parents would just talk to there kids and not treat sex like something evil and gross and mysterious. Maybe the Christian young folks wouldn't be so terrified and confused.
May 26, 2011
Extremely helpful. I liked this book more than Sheet Music, but I suspect that my preference is just a matter of personal taste. Wheat is a physician, so he includes a lot of medical information that Leman, as a psychologist, is simply not qualified to give. Parts of this book read like a textbook, which I liked--the matter-of-fact tone made the whole thing less awkward. More like hearing a doctor or science teacher talk about sex (as opposed to hearing your pastor or psychologist talk about it). However, unlike most medical texts on sex, Wheat comes from an explicitly Christian and biblical worldview, and saturates his practical scientific explanations and recommendations in biblical truth, which is incredibly comforting for those looking for a scientifically reliable resource that has not been (as) tainted by the secular view of sex.
However, this is not a list of does and don'ts--Wheat encourages readers to honor their spouses, and he explains various aspects of sex and reproduction, but by and large he does not condone or condemn specific activities or practices. This is most notable in the section on birth control. Wheat is staunchly pro-life and opposes all clearly abortifacient methods (such as the morning after pill). However, he does not address the morality of birth control in and of itself (that is, whether it is morally acceptable to try to divorce sex from procreation). But he is very clear that he does not intend to tell couples what to do. His goal is to inform them about the various methods and let them make their own decisions. So if you're looking for a book to tell you what to do/not do, this is not the book for you. But if you want a moderately detailed medical guide chocked full of practical advice, this is an excellent resource.
Wheat includes an especially helpful section on what to expect on the honeymoon, and also spends a fair amount of time walking the reader through practical solutions to common problems married couples face. And all his advice is under-girded by the biblical principles of selfless service and honest communication.
The final chapter of the book does present the gospel, but I would have loved to see the gospel message permeate the rest of the text a bit more thoroughly. Still, for a Christian take on sex in marriage, I doubt you'll find better than this.
However, this is not a list of does and don'ts--Wheat encourages readers to honor their spouses, and he explains various aspects of sex and reproduction, but by and large he does not condone or condemn specific activities or practices. This is most notable in the section on birth control. Wheat is staunchly pro-life and opposes all clearly abortifacient methods (such as the morning after pill). However, he does not address the morality of birth control in and of itself (that is, whether it is morally acceptable to try to divorce sex from procreation). But he is very clear that he does not intend to tell couples what to do. His goal is to inform them about the various methods and let them make their own decisions. So if you're looking for a book to tell you what to do/not do, this is not the book for you. But if you want a moderately detailed medical guide chocked full of practical advice, this is an excellent resource.
Wheat includes an especially helpful section on what to expect on the honeymoon, and also spends a fair amount of time walking the reader through practical solutions to common problems married couples face. And all his advice is under-girded by the biblical principles of selfless service and honest communication.
The final chapter of the book does present the gospel, but I would have loved to see the gospel message permeate the rest of the text a bit more thoroughly. Still, for a Christian take on sex in marriage, I doubt you'll find better than this.
May 3, 2025
**THIS WAS A SCHOOL BOOK**
It was insightful as I a consider what counsel marital and premarital couples may need, but some of the content felt outdated.
It was insightful as I a consider what counsel marital and premarital couples may need, but some of the content felt outdated.
November 30, 2024
This is an excellent book on the sexual technique and sexual anatomy for married couples by a Christian physician. The reviews saying that this belongs in the 1950s are extremely ignorant. I grew up in a feminist household, where sex was discussed openly, I read all the sex articles in magazines, and from various online resources. I had sex ed in the most liberal state in the nation. I even read sex books written by feminist human sexuality experts. I learned more from Intended for Pleasure than from any of the other resources combined.
Ed Wheat strongly emphasizes the need for a woman's fulfillment in marriage, just as much as a man's. His views show a strong commitment to morality, true love, and faithfulness to God. I wish I had read this book a decade ago, and I will recommend it whenever applicable. I learned things that were 100% new to me, and that I've never heard discussed anywhere else. It is not outdated, nor does it share misinformation. It is actually a cutting-edge book, considering the date it was published, and continues to be more than relevant in 2024.
Ed Wheat strongly emphasizes the need for a woman's fulfillment in marriage, just as much as a man's. His views show a strong commitment to morality, true love, and faithfulness to God. I wish I had read this book a decade ago, and I will recommend it whenever applicable. I learned things that were 100% new to me, and that I've never heard discussed anywhere else. It is not outdated, nor does it share misinformation. It is actually a cutting-edge book, considering the date it was published, and continues to be more than relevant in 2024.
December 9, 2008
When I got married in 1999, I was a virgin and found out that I was to tight for sex. I was married a whole week before I read this book and the small section in there for virgins helped me and my husband so. My mother had the same problem and she wen to the doctor for them to open her up and she said it hurt really bad. The technique given saved me that trip and caused my husband and I to bond in an even more intimate way.
January 12, 2024
Much more then just a “sex book”, this is a book every married couple should read. The author provides a great perspective that is scientific, Biblical, and wholistic while presenting it in a way the husband and wife can appreciate.
November 29, 2022
We got these during our engagement and they seemed to be be such a great resource that I bought copies of them for several of my also newly engaged friends. We chose them after a little research of so many other marriage resource books.
A warning though, this book mostly written by Mr. Wheat, focuses on intercourse and simultaneous climax as the ideal outcome instead of recognizing that either or both partners will likely benefit from (women especially) from other loving activities. Those will also most likely increase the likelihood of Wheat’s desired outcome. I recommend The Great Sex Rescue and other books by Sheila Gregoire.
A warning though, this book mostly written by Mr. Wheat, focuses on intercourse and simultaneous climax as the ideal outcome instead of recognizing that either or both partners will likely benefit from (women especially) from other loving activities. Those will also most likely increase the likelihood of Wheat’s desired outcome. I recommend The Great Sex Rescue and other books by Sheila Gregoire.
August 6, 2013
This is an excellent book for couples experiencing sexual dysfunction who want quick, accurate medical answers for their symptoms and challenges. It is not flowery. It gets directly to the point. Couples need not read the whole book. Just read through the table of contents and try chapters til you find your issue. Then head to the doctor's office with a possible diagnosis in hand so that you can be treated (if necessary). Most if the issues in this book require simple changes or manipulation a that a couple can master in a matter of weeks in order to eliminate these dysfunctions completely. This book was a huge help for my husband and I many years ago when I was first introduced to it!
September 29, 2013
I read this book as part of my premarital counseling. I found it Biblically based and encouraging, casting marriage in a very positive light. It is extremely detailed in regard to the physical act of lovemaking in a Christian marriage and I would recommend it be approached carefully and with consideration of timing in a persons life. I would recommend this book for married couples and couples preparing for marriage.
July 2, 2008
I have to say, as a socially-conservative woman, I'm somewhat embarrassed to include this book on my list. To be honest, I haven't read it in years, but the book is very tastefully written (almost textbook-like), and it has a lot of great information - what you would get (or should get) from an ob/gyn or sex therapist.
April 7, 2008
birds and bees for puritans
July 10, 2022
This book earns 3.5 stars rounded down to 3 from me. I just cannot confidently award it 4, but I do think that this book is worth a read for many accounts.
I will open with strengths and then go into growth opportunities. I will also make a case on how I do not think that Ed Wheat is a misogynist, but rather his error in writing this book was not applying biblical marriage roles with balance.
It is due to the title that made me believe that this book would only talk about sex and pleasure within the marriage relationship; one of this book's many strengths is that it delivers above what it promises. Readers get almost a fire hydrant like explosion of wisdom from this book that can be gulped. Ready to learn about STDs from a medical perspective and some Christian sprinkled in? Give chapter x and Y a read (the specific chapters evade me at the moment). Desire a chapter on contraception? Ed Wheat has you covered here as well! Want to learn about having sex still at 80? Yup. There's a chapter for that too! There is a lot in this book and goes well above expectations. Some may call this title misleading. I make it out to be over delivery. Riffraff. All over. Yet, I kind of liked the riffraff?????!?!?! !
Although I just ordered pizza, what I got upon delivery was pizza, salad, bread sticks, and a berry smoothie on the side. This is good, in theory, but there are some rotten nuggets in this book that should be addressed. First, I need to put my opinion on the table about how I do not think Ed Wheat is a mysogonist.
Reviewers on Goodreads have written about how they feel the author is mysogonistic at times in this book. I find myself respectfully disagreeing with this notion. Personally, I disagree that Ed Wheat is a mysogonistic writer; I just don't think that he sat down to write this book with that intention. There is a lot in this book that needs to be understood before we attach the word female hater to this book and the author. Ed Wheat does not hate females. He is also not prejudice against them, at least from what I understood in this book. I don't think Ed Wheat is attempting to harm women with the words in this book. To me, the above 3 sentences all capture what mysognony means. Mysognony, according to Webster's, is defined as the the following: hatred of, aversion to, or prejudice against women. My point is this: it can be easy to utilize terminology that may not be accurate. I do this all the time myself as well. My opinion here may be inaccurate too!
Ed Wheat strongly, strongly, strongly advocates for all married women to achieve orgasm to their maximum. He expects husbands to offer both clitoral and vaginal orgasms to ensure that a wife is always satisfied. Her pleasure, at least from my understanding of this book, is more important than the husbands. To me, this does not show any hate towards women at all. Ed Wheat also offers so much wisdom in this book on how Christian husbands can support and lead their wives to orgasm. His examples are almost too much. How does a medical doctor that has such a strong advocacy for wives to obtain orgasm underscore and support the idea that Ed Wheat is a mysogonistic writer? I don't see it, but, and this is a big BUT, I also think I understand why Ed Wheat got himself into a pickle and flamed for it. It was because of his imbalanced theology application.
Where I do think Ed Wheat does get a bit in a pickle is when he looks at Biblical submission and preaches on it from a male standpoint. I think Ed Wheat took Biblical submission and ran too far with it in this book and didn't offer a balance on how the husband is supposed to respond biblically. I think this is where some readers of this book could make the case that Ed Wheat is somewhat prejudiced against women, and I think here I may somewhat agree. However, I am more inclined to not say it is prejudice, but rather a theological issue that wasn't addressed in the versions of this book. Prejudice, again by Merriam Webster, is defined as the following: "injury or damage resulting from some judgment or action of another in disregard of one's rights." or " preconceived judgment or opinion" or "an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge." The thing is this: Ed Wheat is using theological grounds to support his opinion of being a biblical wife in this book. His opinion is not baseless; it is grounded in theology. That doesn't necessarily mean that Ed Wheat's theology is sound. I do think there is an imbalance in this book that is not correctly applied for both the husband and wife. You cannot write extensively on how a female needs to submit without balancing the tables. Pastors know that if they preach a sermon all about Biblical submission, then eggs will start to fly from the sitters in the pews (and I would probably be one of those butts tossing a few eggs)! Even me, the soul that sits the pew and tries to learn, knows that a presentation on just biblical submission without talking about the husbands leadership and headship is not going to go over well and make teeth grind. However, this doesn't make what Ed Wheat is saying not true, what it does mean is that Ed Wheat needed to balance his approach; Ed Wheat isn't lying or telling mistruths (at least from my understanding of the Bible); Ed Wheat just doesn't write enough about what a male needs to do biblically and then this is what creates an imbalance, and also leads other readers to strongly assert that Ed Wheat is a mysogonistic writer! . Its a very easy way to get a "mysogony" target painted on the book if a writer just chooses to heavily address Biblical submission. Discussing submission is important, but men also have a roles to carry forth as well, and Ed Wheat needed to articulate this much more in his book.
This is where I minus one star, but also make my case where I do not think that Ed Wheat is a misogynist, but rather, had an imbalanced approach theologically in this book, that resulted in him coming off as a misogynist, but instead, he just needed to discuss more about Biblical headship, and how a husband leads.
The second issue I had with this book was Ed Wheats avoidance of certain topics that actually relate strongly to pleasure and sex in the marriage bed. Ed Wheat only address oral stimulation during the FAQ section of his book, and even offers an unsubstantiated opinion on why oral should not be done in the marriage bed. I am not convinced of this notion and I am not sure if medical data supports it. Ed Wheat provided no medical data. Just his single doctor opinion here. Third, he only writes a few sentences to address pornography, but offers no medical advice or support on how to overcome pornography addiction, discuss it with your spouse, seek wisdom on it, etc etc..
I had a lot of high expectations for this book-- it has been on my reading list for a long, long time. I wanted to read it before I married, but, that just didn't happen (my fault, I know). So I recognize that I am grading this book a bit harsher, because overall, it did let me down a little bit.
This book does overdeliver on topics that may not necessarily relate to pleasure and sex, but it falls flat on its face by under-delivering on its thesis statement. It is not (at least in my opinion) mysognoy, but it does have some imbalanced theology and can definitely make readers feel like egg throwing may be necessary.
Thus stated, this book will help any Christian married couple. I don't think I would suggest this book for anyone else that is not married, because I do think it will tempt couples prior to the marriage bed. There is wisdom here, but this book avoids too many important topics, and does not defend itself well with oral stimulation. It is not balanced with the biblical roles, causing it to lose 1.5 stars, which is rounded down, so a total loss of 2 stars!
I will open with strengths and then go into growth opportunities. I will also make a case on how I do not think that Ed Wheat is a misogynist, but rather his error in writing this book was not applying biblical marriage roles with balance.
It is due to the title that made me believe that this book would only talk about sex and pleasure within the marriage relationship; one of this book's many strengths is that it delivers above what it promises. Readers get almost a fire hydrant like explosion of wisdom from this book that can be gulped. Ready to learn about STDs from a medical perspective and some Christian sprinkled in? Give chapter x and Y a read (the specific chapters evade me at the moment). Desire a chapter on contraception? Ed Wheat has you covered here as well! Want to learn about having sex still at 80? Yup. There's a chapter for that too! There is a lot in this book and goes well above expectations. Some may call this title misleading. I make it out to be over delivery. Riffraff. All over. Yet, I kind of liked the riffraff?????!?!?! !
Although I just ordered pizza, what I got upon delivery was pizza, salad, bread sticks, and a berry smoothie on the side. This is good, in theory, but there are some rotten nuggets in this book that should be addressed. First, I need to put my opinion on the table about how I do not think Ed Wheat is a mysogonist.
Reviewers on Goodreads have written about how they feel the author is mysogonistic at times in this book. I find myself respectfully disagreeing with this notion. Personally, I disagree that Ed Wheat is a mysogonistic writer; I just don't think that he sat down to write this book with that intention. There is a lot in this book that needs to be understood before we attach the word female hater to this book and the author. Ed Wheat does not hate females. He is also not prejudice against them, at least from what I understood in this book. I don't think Ed Wheat is attempting to harm women with the words in this book. To me, the above 3 sentences all capture what mysognony means. Mysognony, according to Webster's, is defined as the the following: hatred of, aversion to, or prejudice against women. My point is this: it can be easy to utilize terminology that may not be accurate. I do this all the time myself as well. My opinion here may be inaccurate too!
Ed Wheat strongly, strongly, strongly advocates for all married women to achieve orgasm to their maximum. He expects husbands to offer both clitoral and vaginal orgasms to ensure that a wife is always satisfied. Her pleasure, at least from my understanding of this book, is more important than the husbands. To me, this does not show any hate towards women at all. Ed Wheat also offers so much wisdom in this book on how Christian husbands can support and lead their wives to orgasm. His examples are almost too much. How does a medical doctor that has such a strong advocacy for wives to obtain orgasm underscore and support the idea that Ed Wheat is a mysogonistic writer? I don't see it, but, and this is a big BUT, I also think I understand why Ed Wheat got himself into a pickle and flamed for it. It was because of his imbalanced theology application.
Where I do think Ed Wheat does get a bit in a pickle is when he looks at Biblical submission and preaches on it from a male standpoint. I think Ed Wheat took Biblical submission and ran too far with it in this book and didn't offer a balance on how the husband is supposed to respond biblically. I think this is where some readers of this book could make the case that Ed Wheat is somewhat prejudiced against women, and I think here I may somewhat agree. However, I am more inclined to not say it is prejudice, but rather a theological issue that wasn't addressed in the versions of this book. Prejudice, again by Merriam Webster, is defined as the following: "injury or damage resulting from some judgment or action of another in disregard of one's rights." or " preconceived judgment or opinion" or "an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge." The thing is this: Ed Wheat is using theological grounds to support his opinion of being a biblical wife in this book. His opinion is not baseless; it is grounded in theology. That doesn't necessarily mean that Ed Wheat's theology is sound. I do think there is an imbalance in this book that is not correctly applied for both the husband and wife. You cannot write extensively on how a female needs to submit without balancing the tables. Pastors know that if they preach a sermon all about Biblical submission, then eggs will start to fly from the sitters in the pews (and I would probably be one of those butts tossing a few eggs)! Even me, the soul that sits the pew and tries to learn, knows that a presentation on just biblical submission without talking about the husbands leadership and headship is not going to go over well and make teeth grind. However, this doesn't make what Ed Wheat is saying not true, what it does mean is that Ed Wheat needed to balance his approach; Ed Wheat isn't lying or telling mistruths (at least from my understanding of the Bible); Ed Wheat just doesn't write enough about what a male needs to do biblically and then this is what creates an imbalance, and also leads other readers to strongly assert that Ed Wheat is a mysogonistic writer! . Its a very easy way to get a "mysogony" target painted on the book if a writer just chooses to heavily address Biblical submission. Discussing submission is important, but men also have a roles to carry forth as well, and Ed Wheat needed to articulate this much more in his book.
This is where I minus one star, but also make my case where I do not think that Ed Wheat is a misogynist, but rather, had an imbalanced approach theologically in this book, that resulted in him coming off as a misogynist, but instead, he just needed to discuss more about Biblical headship, and how a husband leads.
The second issue I had with this book was Ed Wheats avoidance of certain topics that actually relate strongly to pleasure and sex in the marriage bed. Ed Wheat only address oral stimulation during the FAQ section of his book, and even offers an unsubstantiated opinion on why oral should not be done in the marriage bed. I am not convinced of this notion and I am not sure if medical data supports it. Ed Wheat provided no medical data. Just his single doctor opinion here. Third, he only writes a few sentences to address pornography, but offers no medical advice or support on how to overcome pornography addiction, discuss it with your spouse, seek wisdom on it, etc etc..
I had a lot of high expectations for this book-- it has been on my reading list for a long, long time. I wanted to read it before I married, but, that just didn't happen (my fault, I know). So I recognize that I am grading this book a bit harsher, because overall, it did let me down a little bit.
This book does overdeliver on topics that may not necessarily relate to pleasure and sex, but it falls flat on its face by under-delivering on its thesis statement. It is not (at least in my opinion) mysognoy, but it does have some imbalanced theology and can definitely make readers feel like egg throwing may be necessary.
Thus stated, this book will help any Christian married couple. I don't think I would suggest this book for anyone else that is not married, because I do think it will tempt couples prior to the marriage bed. There is wisdom here, but this book avoids too many important topics, and does not defend itself well with oral stimulation. It is not balanced with the biblical roles, causing it to lose 1.5 stars, which is rounded down, so a total loss of 2 stars!
December 2, 2024
This is a must-read for every young couple and every married couple regularly. It demystifies so much of our views on intimacy, sets them in the right confines, shows why our current culture's view of sleeping around is so harmful, and gives helpful and hopeful solutions to many intimacy issues. It is also very balanced in its instructions to both husbands and wives. It demands of both and gives hope and joy to both.
The only part of the book I disagreed with was the section on birth control. That largely stems from my more 'crunchy' views and his more Western medicine views. I think birth control is extremely dangerous for all women and tends to mask the issues instead of addressing them. Personal opinion.
Great book. Read it if you are married or hope to be someday or are about to be married. Read it if you want a more honest and realistic view of intimacy than what Hollywood, romances, and sitcoms offer up.
The only part of the book I disagreed with was the section on birth control. That largely stems from my more 'crunchy' views and his more Western medicine views. I think birth control is extremely dangerous for all women and tends to mask the issues instead of addressing them. Personal opinion.
Great book. Read it if you are married or hope to be someday or are about to be married. Read it if you want a more honest and realistic view of intimacy than what Hollywood, romances, and sitcoms offer up.
July 14, 2023
Ed and Gaye Wheat's "Intended for Pleasure" has been the standard evangelical book on sexuality for a long time. I've been reading several other books to see if there is a better option available, but haven't yet found something better than "Intended for Pleasure." While the Wheat's book lacks a thick theology of sexuality, it is strong in two areas: the medical aspects of sexuality, and the importance of emotional intimacy. While the book does show its age a bit in a few areas, it is still the book I would recommend this area (I would encourage a couple to read a book that addresses the theological issues, such as Dan Allender and Tremper Longman's "Intimate Allies" alongside it).
For more reviews see thebeehive.live.
For more reviews see thebeehive.live.
July 8, 2023
I try to read at least one Christian marriage-related book per year, + this one was already on my shelf from when we were engaged, so I figured why not! But tbh, I found it dated + clinical + was genuinely offended at times by its portrayal of a woman’s role in marriage and the home.
Not sure if I’d recommend to anyone (maybe just certain sections to couples having very specific issues), + I DEF wouldn’t recommend to engaged couples (it mostly covers uncommon problem areas + I think it would unnecessarily scare couples who aren’t married yet).
I just straight up disagreed with portions of this book and know there’s much better books out there on this topic. Read those instead.
Not sure if I’d recommend to anyone (maybe just certain sections to couples having very specific issues), + I DEF wouldn’t recommend to engaged couples (it mostly covers uncommon problem areas + I think it would unnecessarily scare couples who aren’t married yet).
I just straight up disagreed with portions of this book and know there’s much better books out there on this topic. Read those instead.
October 6, 2025
I love reading one star reviews of a book that I listened to it on 2x and seeing how they apparently can’t process information or are so biased due to ideology that they can’t help but hate on something just because it’s old, as if that just automatically discredits it.
I wonder how many of these silly little people will wake and realize that they are old and it’s time to jump in the garbage bin.
Interesting book. I would say, that having a MD coaching you on the workings of the human body will be vastly more beneficial than a talk with your parents in many respects.
To the haters, keep dropping those one stars lol
I wonder how many of these silly little people will wake and realize that they are old and it’s time to jump in the garbage bin.
Interesting book. I would say, that having a MD coaching you on the workings of the human body will be vastly more beneficial than a talk with your parents in many respects.
To the haters, keep dropping those one stars lol
October 14, 2020
There are some helpful things in this book and several chapters that have proven useful in counseling. That said, Dr. Wheat is not coming from a biblical counseling perspective and is pretty psychologized. Since this is literally the only book on technique written from a Christian perspective, and is straightforward without being crude, I would recommend it to others, but with several caveats.
July 22, 2024
A must read ptr toate cuplurile inainte de nunta. Clar, o s-o pastrez ca sa ma intorc la ea.
November 6, 2023
“ ‘Sex remains indefinable, inexplicable, mysterious,’ noted Cornell on writing a series of newspaper articles on it. ‘It’s like a piece of Mozart music of which a listener once asked him to explain its meaning. Replied Mozart: ‘If I could explain it in words, I wouldn’t need music.’ So those who would experience the sexual relationship in marriage must experience it, and experience it the way it was intended to be - spontaneous, free, enjoyable, renewing, and more filled with meanings than words could ever tell. ”
This book was the quintessential Christian sex book back in the day. Written in the 1970s and revised in 1981, it was written by a physician and his wife to instruct Christian couples in their sex lives. Part of it is instructional and reads like a very explicit how-to sex manual, complete with drawings of male and female anatomy and a science lesson on how everything works and proper technique. There is a lengthy section on infertility, one on birth control, and one on sexual problems such as impotence, premature ejaculation, being pre-orgasmic, and hindrances to intimacy.
I can see how this book was popular three decades ago. However, it is dated in many respects. Some of the drugs mentioned for certain conditions I had never heard of. The description of various types of condoms was laughable; they must have come a long way since the 1980s. The improved methods for doing different surgeries has also changed. Scientific discoveries and medical breakthroughs which I won’t detail in this review also make this book obsolete.
What was most apparent, however, is how our culture’s views of marriage have changed. I can’t even put that into words; it just felt like I was reading something of a different era, some ancient perspective. It seems that before the internet was available, people didn’t have access to the information they do now, so there were a lot of fears and misconceptions concerning sex and the marriage relationship. The main place couples got their information from was their doctor. He frequently describes a physician relationship that is nearly unheard of in today’s culture.
Worth reading were the few chapters on how God can give you stability, security, and serenity in your marriage as well as how to protect your marriage from invasion, intrusion, and infiltration - either from outside forces or our own sin and resentment. Don’t let other people in to meddle in your business or to drive a wedge between the two of you. Guard and protect your marriage relationship carefully.
Other books have since come along to replace this one. I did like the Christian perspective of the husband-wife relationship.
A few funny highlights: he describes how you can wash your condom with soap and water and re-use it for next time; this quote: “Mothers are sometimes concerned that the use of a tampon for menstrual hygiene will destroy a girl’s virginity;” this quote: “Most important, a wise wife will not argue. She will keep her husband peaceful and satisfied and happy by gracefully conceding to his wishes, or deferring to his opinions;” or this quote: “The couple can make reservations at a motel... for quiet relaxation and enjoyment...where meals are brought to the room... There is little additional expense for this room service.” Truly a different era.
This book was the quintessential Christian sex book back in the day. Written in the 1970s and revised in 1981, it was written by a physician and his wife to instruct Christian couples in their sex lives. Part of it is instructional and reads like a very explicit how-to sex manual, complete with drawings of male and female anatomy and a science lesson on how everything works and proper technique. There is a lengthy section on infertility, one on birth control, and one on sexual problems such as impotence, premature ejaculation, being pre-orgasmic, and hindrances to intimacy.
I can see how this book was popular three decades ago. However, it is dated in many respects. Some of the drugs mentioned for certain conditions I had never heard of. The description of various types of condoms was laughable; they must have come a long way since the 1980s. The improved methods for doing different surgeries has also changed. Scientific discoveries and medical breakthroughs which I won’t detail in this review also make this book obsolete.
What was most apparent, however, is how our culture’s views of marriage have changed. I can’t even put that into words; it just felt like I was reading something of a different era, some ancient perspective. It seems that before the internet was available, people didn’t have access to the information they do now, so there were a lot of fears and misconceptions concerning sex and the marriage relationship. The main place couples got their information from was their doctor. He frequently describes a physician relationship that is nearly unheard of in today’s culture.
Worth reading were the few chapters on how God can give you stability, security, and serenity in your marriage as well as how to protect your marriage from invasion, intrusion, and infiltration - either from outside forces or our own sin and resentment. Don’t let other people in to meddle in your business or to drive a wedge between the two of you. Guard and protect your marriage relationship carefully.
Other books have since come along to replace this one. I did like the Christian perspective of the husband-wife relationship.
A few funny highlights: he describes how you can wash your condom with soap and water and re-use it for next time; this quote: “Mothers are sometimes concerned that the use of a tampon for menstrual hygiene will destroy a girl’s virginity;” this quote: “Most important, a wise wife will not argue. She will keep her husband peaceful and satisfied and happy by gracefully conceding to his wishes, or deferring to his opinions;” or this quote: “The couple can make reservations at a motel... for quiet relaxation and enjoyment...where meals are brought to the room... There is little additional expense for this room service.” Truly a different era.
March 22, 2020
I don’t know if I’d say this was an enjoyable read 😂, but it was helpful as Mel and I did our pre-marital work. Growing up in a home where sex wasn’t regularly talked about, this book was a helpful pit stop on our journey towards marriage.
November 2, 2017
Excellent resource for engaged couples and those counseling them. But helpful for married couples at any stage of life, as well.
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March 27, 2016During my engagement, I was advice-overloaded. I received all sorts of books on marriage, many of which started saying the same things. If I had to narrow the field for future newlyweds, this book is in my top three.
With a spectrum of knowledge from newlyweds to couples in their 70's, not everything in the book directly applied to my wife and me. But it was helpful to see Wheat's scope (and tuck some information away for future reference).
Wheat takes a holistic approach to good sex. He writes, "Everything that happens in a marriage has its effect on the lovemaking experience." He offers a couple chapters' introduction of God's design for sex instead of jumping right in to the mechanics.
I appreciated Wheat's bluntness and discretion. He was open and comprehensive. And illustrations were less graphic than some books.
My wife and I have referenced this book many times. Highly recommended for any couple who is further along in their engagement, newlywed, or long-married. It will most certainly strengthen your marriage.
With a spectrum of knowledge from newlyweds to couples in their 70's, not everything in the book directly applied to my wife and me. But it was helpful to see Wheat's scope (and tuck some information away for future reference).
Wheat takes a holistic approach to good sex. He writes, "Everything that happens in a marriage has its effect on the lovemaking experience." He offers a couple chapters' introduction of God's design for sex instead of jumping right in to the mechanics.
I appreciated Wheat's bluntness and discretion. He was open and comprehensive. And illustrations were less graphic than some books.
My wife and I have referenced this book many times. Highly recommended for any couple who is further along in their engagement, newlywed, or long-married. It will most certainly strengthen your marriage.
October 5, 2015
A wonderful book on God's design for marriage and sex.
Sex was created for pleasure, but only within the boundaries of marriage, and again, ONLY between a MAN and a WOMAN. In this way does it serve to glorify God.
Sex can be a beautiful blessing, a treasured gift.
Due to a few descriptions and details explained in the pages of this book, I would only recommend to persons ages [AT LEAST] 18 and up. Especially if said persons are engaged, soon-to-be engaged, married, or soon-to-be married. However, this book is still a fantastic resource to turn to if the couple has been married for a year or even 50 years.
Sex was created for pleasure, but only within the boundaries of marriage, and again, ONLY between a MAN and a WOMAN. In this way does it serve to glorify God.
Sex can be a beautiful blessing, a treasured gift.
Due to a few descriptions and details explained in the pages of this book, I would only recommend to persons ages [AT LEAST] 18 and up. Especially if said persons are engaged, soon-to-be engaged, married, or soon-to-be married. However, this book is still a fantastic resource to turn to if the couple has been married for a year or even 50 years.
June 4, 2015
This book is good for young couples and/or anyone who may not have taken an extensive course in human sexuality. I will probably revert to this book from time to time for reference, but most of what I read in this book I learned in college or psych books on marriage. It is important to get the latest edition of this book for the most up to date statistics and references/facts. This is a Christian book so anyone expecting it to not include what's considered Christian values would be naive - even though those values can differ from all Christian practices.
September 23, 2015
Very thorough and informed guide to sex within a marriage relationship. From healing emotional and relational dysfunction to fertility, pregnancy and stds, Wheat addresses topics like that are usually taboo in Christian circles and/or informed by secular perspectives with a godly perspective instead. This is an awesome read for newlyweds! If you have questions about sex, arousal and orgasm that you're not comfortable asking your parents, or even friends or mentors, this book is a great resource.
October 12, 2017
This is a book on intimacy within marriage. I thought it was well written. It was informative but not in any way vulgar and looked at things from a Christian/biblical perspective. I could tell reading through it that it was a general Christian rather than specifically LDS book, but it was still a good read (if you're looking for a purely LDS read, And They Were Not Ashamed by Laura M. Brotherson is a very, very good read). This is a book I would definitely recommend, especially to engaged or newly married couples.
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