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Renovate Your Relationships: A Proven Guide to Setting Boundaries and Building Bridges with Those Who Matter Most
What do you do when a relationship goes off course?
Whether it’s with a manipulative boss, a critical neighbor, or a controlling spouse, a challenging relationship can leave you feeling worn down, confused, and helpless. How do you narrow the gap between where things are and where you want them to be? How do you decide whether to lean in with understanding or set more healthy boundaries?
In Renovate Your Relationships, Scott Vaudrey gives you the tools you need to bring healing and new life to even your most difficult relationships. With real-life stories and practical ideas, Scott explores how to
diagnose destructive patterns in specific relationships,
avoid over-acceptance of others or over-protection of yourself, and
foster new and healthy relational patterns with the most important people in your life.
Using groundbreaking practical tools, Scott unearths the root causes of relational breakdowns and gives you the confidence you need to move into life-giving patterns of loving others—and yourself—well.
Whether it’s with a manipulative boss, a critical neighbor, or a controlling spouse, a challenging relationship can leave you feeling worn down, confused, and helpless. How do you narrow the gap between where things are and where you want them to be? How do you decide whether to lean in with understanding or set more healthy boundaries?
In Renovate Your Relationships, Scott Vaudrey gives you the tools you need to bring healing and new life to even your most difficult relationships. With real-life stories and practical ideas, Scott explores how to
diagnose destructive patterns in specific relationships,
avoid over-acceptance of others or over-protection of yourself, and
foster new and healthy relational patterns with the most important people in your life.
Using groundbreaking practical tools, Scott unearths the root causes of relational breakdowns and gives you the confidence you need to move into life-giving patterns of loving others—and yourself—well.
- GenresNonfictionRelationships
256 pages, Paperback
Published August 6, 2019
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
December 1, 2019
4.5 renovated ★★★★✬
⤐ Overall.
This guide book hit me right where I needed it. I cannot count on both my hands the times it felt as if Scott were talking directly to me, empathetically pointing out my behavioural errors. I swear, he wrote this book because he knew I was out there. I know I'm very protective of my emotional health, mainly because I used to be the accepting overly soft girl once and realized I literally wasn't getting anywhere with it. People I trusted walked all over me in middle school and one day I decided that I had enough. I'd say my toolbox for handling relationships improved quite a bit since then but there are some softer tools of accepting and bridge-building missing. It's funny how often I've caught myself doing exactly what Scott tries to help his readers overcome since I've started this book a week ago.
Scott is brilliantly straightforward in conveying his message to his readers. Well structured and comprehensible, he manages to illustrate his lessons with real-life examples from both his private life and that of those he helps with the renovation process. The loving and understanding way in which he talks about his wife made me fall in love with her alot bit. I was impressed with how honest and generous Scott was in using his own problems to support his arguments. He concludes his book with an extensive case that helps to underline how essential it is to remain persistent in keeping up your well-reasoned boundaries and to stick to building a bridge as well.
It may seem like Scott is merely stating the obvious in a quite repetitive manner but messages like his are not something you internalise after hearing them just once. You have to be confronted with them over and over again and then try to practice the accepting/protecting principles, failing a couple of times until you slowly get the hang of it.
⤐ What’s happening.
Basically, people are either overly protective of themselves and are often incapable of building bridges to support the growth of a healthy relationship or they are so accepting they are unable to set clear boundaries even when they need them, resulting in suffering from toxic power relations. Both are problematic to everyone involved in the relationship in question and prove to be astoundingly hard to overcome.
⤐ Here's what to expect.
A message for the reader
I: THE PROBLEM OF LIFE
⇢ Problem
⇢ Solution
⇢ Aceepting: When bridge building is the ideal strategy
⇢ Protecting: When boundary setting is the ideal strategy
II: FINDING CLARITY
⇢ Don't make things worse
⇢ What do i really want?
⇢ Reality: What's really going on?
III: PROTECTING: HOW TO SET A BOUNDARY
⇢ Before the conversation
⇢ During the conversation
⇢ After the conversation
IV: FROM START TO FINISH>
⇢ Case study: Brady and Tony
⇢ Conclusion
Acknowledgments
Notes
About the author
_____________________
Writing quality + easy of reading = 5*
pace = 5*
plot development = 4*
enjoyability = 5*
insightfulness = 4*
_____________________
This eArc was provided by Nelson Books via NetGalley/Edelweiss+ in exchange for an honest review. Thank you very much!
This book is for you if… you wish to get some input on how to handle your relationships with partners, family, friends, co-workers or superiors. I truly believe we can all take a page or two out of this book to get the renovation started.
⤐ Overall.
This guide book hit me right where I needed it. I cannot count on both my hands the times it felt as if Scott were talking directly to me, empathetically pointing out my behavioural errors. I swear, he wrote this book because he knew I was out there. I know I'm very protective of my emotional health, mainly because I used to be the accepting overly soft girl once and realized I literally wasn't getting anywhere with it. People I trusted walked all over me in middle school and one day I decided that I had enough. I'd say my toolbox for handling relationships improved quite a bit since then but there are some softer tools of accepting and bridge-building missing. It's funny how often I've caught myself doing exactly what Scott tries to help his readers overcome since I've started this book a week ago.
Scott is brilliantly straightforward in conveying his message to his readers. Well structured and comprehensible, he manages to illustrate his lessons with real-life examples from both his private life and that of those he helps with the renovation process. The loving and understanding way in which he talks about his wife made me fall in love with her a
It may seem like Scott is merely stating the obvious in a quite repetitive manner but messages like his are not something you internalise after hearing them just once. You have to be confronted with them over and over again and then try to practice the accepting/protecting principles, failing a couple of times until you slowly get the hang of it.
⤐ What’s happening.
‘Although we cannot change other people, we are not powerless. We have full control over how we respond when they disappoint us.’
Basically, people are either overly protective of themselves and are often incapable of building bridges to support the growth of a healthy relationship or they are so accepting they are unable to set clear boundaries even when they need them, resulting in suffering from toxic power relations. Both are problematic to everyone involved in the relationship in question and prove to be astoundingly hard to overcome.
⤐ Here's what to expect.
A message for the reader
I: THE PROBLEM OF LIFE
⇢ Problem
⇢ Solution
⇢ Aceepting: When bridge building is the ideal strategy
⇢ Protecting: When boundary setting is the ideal strategy
II: FINDING CLARITY
⇢ Don't make things worse
⇢ What do i really want?
⇢ Reality: What's really going on?
III: PROTECTING: HOW TO SET A BOUNDARY
⇢ Before the conversation
⇢ During the conversation
⇢ After the conversation
IV: FROM START TO FINISH>
⇢ Case study: Brady and Tony
⇢ Conclusion
Acknowledgments
Notes
About the author
_____________________
Writing quality + easy of reading = 5*
pace = 5*
plot development = 4*
enjoyability = 5*
insightfulness = 4*
_____________________
This eArc was provided by Nelson Books via NetGalley/Edelweiss+ in exchange for an honest review. Thank you very much!
August 8, 2019
If you find yourself wanting better relationships, then read this book. The content in this book has the capacity to change relationships in ways like “Boundaries” and “Changes that Heal” by Townsend and Cloud. With wisdom and insight on par with men like Dan Allendar, Bessel Van der Kolk, and Malcolm Gladwell, Vaudrey reframed what being in healthy, life-giving relationships meant for me and gave me the confidence and tools to make changes. I’m forever grateful.
May 13, 2020
This book is an educational guide on how to set boundaries, and build bridges, with those than matter most. The with is a very important term in the sentence: not just establishing, but collaborating.
Building bridges and setting boundaries may seem like opposites but they can work together. We need to have clear boundaries for everyone, but building bridges is often overlooked, which is an essential part of this book. The author starts with bridge building and when that is the ideal strategy, then transitions to boundary setting and when such an approach is best. These parts are considered “part one,” with “part two” being about clarity: what do you want, what’s going on, and the mucky stuf of boundary setting. The author is clear from the start - we need to establish our bridges and boundaries based off what we want from relationships. What makes this book unique, however, is the author’s approach: perhaps our frustration in relationships and hitting walls in establishing bridge and boundaries is not in its execution, but rather in the preparation. A proper preparation is what makes bridge building and boundary setting successful in relationships. This is the focus and thesis the author works from.
The author writes in an easy to understand prose for the audience to follow, providing simple terms (accepting and protecting instead of bridges and boundaries) with clear defined sentence structure. The author’s voice is clearly refined, and the quality of the writing suggests someone who writes well, is a master of their craft (both relationships and writing), and employs editors for quality control. In my experience, when choosing books, there are so many titles on subjects that it’s a matter of finding the voice you can connect with. This work, however, the voice isn’t a question. It’s the content. If someone is willing to re-evaluate how they approach relationships, then this book is the top choice. It’s well written and easy to understand, but not too simple. It keeps you engaged and evaluating, which is what you really want from a book on this subject. That said, please note that this book uses Christian content but is based on proven peer-reviewed and research-based strategies that can be applied to any non-Christian situation, such as my own life.
Disclosure: I have received a reviewer copy and/or payment in exchange for an honest review of the product mentioned in this post. This product is reviewed based on content and quality in consideration of the intended audience. Review or recommendation of this product does not solicit endorsement from Reviews by J or the reviewer.
Building bridges and setting boundaries may seem like opposites but they can work together. We need to have clear boundaries for everyone, but building bridges is often overlooked, which is an essential part of this book. The author starts with bridge building and when that is the ideal strategy, then transitions to boundary setting and when such an approach is best. These parts are considered “part one,” with “part two” being about clarity: what do you want, what’s going on, and the mucky stuf of boundary setting. The author is clear from the start - we need to establish our bridges and boundaries based off what we want from relationships. What makes this book unique, however, is the author’s approach: perhaps our frustration in relationships and hitting walls in establishing bridge and boundaries is not in its execution, but rather in the preparation. A proper preparation is what makes bridge building and boundary setting successful in relationships. This is the focus and thesis the author works from.
The author writes in an easy to understand prose for the audience to follow, providing simple terms (accepting and protecting instead of bridges and boundaries) with clear defined sentence structure. The author’s voice is clearly refined, and the quality of the writing suggests someone who writes well, is a master of their craft (both relationships and writing), and employs editors for quality control. In my experience, when choosing books, there are so many titles on subjects that it’s a matter of finding the voice you can connect with. This work, however, the voice isn’t a question. It’s the content. If someone is willing to re-evaluate how they approach relationships, then this book is the top choice. It’s well written and easy to understand, but not too simple. It keeps you engaged and evaluating, which is what you really want from a book on this subject. That said, please note that this book uses Christian content but is based on proven peer-reviewed and research-based strategies that can be applied to any non-Christian situation, such as my own life.
Disclosure: I have received a reviewer copy and/or payment in exchange for an honest review of the product mentioned in this post. This product is reviewed based on content and quality in consideration of the intended audience. Review or recommendation of this product does not solicit endorsement from Reviews by J or the reviewer.
May 7, 2020
“We’re more prone to ignore long-standing, mildly destructive patterns because each incident by itself is no big deal. It’s the accumulation of incidents that creates a need for protection. Such patterns are sometimes harder to identify than big infractions because they creep up on us.”
“It’s terrifying for me to admit that I have a personal need. I’m not proud of this, but it’s true. When a personal need goes unmet in my marriage, I’m much more comfortable making it about September’s flaw rather than about my own need. This arrangement allows me to stay righteously indignant, and my responses often reflect this.” .... “take plenty of time to write and reflect on your answers, because your initial gut response almost always misses the point.”
“It’s terrifying for me to admit that I have a personal need. I’m not proud of this, but it’s true. When a personal need goes unmet in my marriage, I’m much more comfortable making it about September’s flaw rather than about my own need. This arrangement allows me to stay righteously indignant, and my responses often reflect this.” .... “take plenty of time to write and reflect on your answers, because your initial gut response almost always misses the point.”
September 24, 2019
Excellent book!!!
August 10, 2019
Renovated Your Relationships landed in my life during a challenging emotional disappointment and provided a road map to navigate through focusing on my role. That change in focus empowered me to learn and grow and set wise boundaries I didn't even realize I had overlooked.
One big difference about this book is Dr. Vaudrey takes the time to operationalize the practices he advocates so you walk away with an actionable plan that guides you down the path of behavioral change.
Finally, this book doesn't sugar coat the process. It candidly and clearly tells you that this process is difficult and requires persistence, courage, clarity and kindness.
How can you not recommend wearing a seat belt after it saved you in an accident? I highly recommend this book and wearing your seat belt when you drive! :)
One big difference about this book is Dr. Vaudrey takes the time to operationalize the practices he advocates so you walk away with an actionable plan that guides you down the path of behavioral change.
Finally, this book doesn't sugar coat the process. It candidly and clearly tells you that this process is difficult and requires persistence, courage, clarity and kindness.
How can you not recommend wearing a seat belt after it saved you in an accident? I highly recommend this book and wearing your seat belt when you drive! :)
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews