Trans Forming Families: Real Stories About Transgendered Loved Ones, 2nd Edition

by Mary Boenke (Foreword)

This is a family oriented book published especially for families, friends, and others interested in understanding and learning about transgendered persons. The first edition sold out; this is the expanded second edition, published in 2003. It deals with all ages and types of transgender - FTM, MTF, Intersex, crossdressing, and androgeny. It is an ideal first book for families who want to understand. There are seven sections. Section one is comprised of stories written by parents of very young gender variant children, i.e pre-schoolers and school age children who insisted they were not the gender their parents thought they were. Section two is by parents of adult transgenders, each describing their child's coming out process and the journey this revelation started for both the adult child AND the whole family. Section three includes stories by spouses and partners who have weathered the trauma of living through a gender change with their most significant other. Section four is by strategic others - grandparents, siblings, friends, children of trangenders. In Section five, transgender folks tell about coming out to their children, with both positive and some painful results. Section Six includes short autobiographies by transgender persons, who are FTM, MTF, Intersex, crossdresser, and androgenous. In Section Seven several psychotherapists talk about common issues transgenders raise in therapy. The back matter
Glosary of Transgender Terms
National Transgender Organizations
Transgender Family Reading List
...How to Contact Authors Also included are short quotations, quips, poems and items that are both profound and humorous. A quick, fun read.

Genres: LGBT, Nonfiction, Transgender, Queer, Gender

192 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2003

Reviews

[Jackson · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's the kind of book a trans person would recommend to a family member who is feeling isolated and alone concerning coming to terms with having a trans loved one and also all the awkward day to day stuff it can involve.

What I like about the book:

It is a collection of essays by people who have all different types of relationships with trans folks. Parents, children, siblings, spouses, etc. I also think I remember there being both parents of adult children and parents of young children who had come out. There are also trans women and trans men represented, although I think I remember the representation of men and women being somewhat unequal.

I also like that it exists at all and is written from the point of view of loved ones. It deals with some of the harder things that someone might not feel comfortable bringing up with their trans loved one who they are trying hard to support/understand.

A family member who is not that well versed in trans stuff and is learning a lot at once about it from their trans loved one could feel very comforted to read something that deals with feelings about a tough situation in the midst of also, undoubtedly, learning a bunch of new confusing information

What I don't like about this book:

It really plays into an overly dramatic traditional narrative often prescribed to trans folks, as in, "When I was little, I loved Barbies and make-up (or sports and guns), then kids started making fun of me for it so I pretended to like sports and guns (or Barbies and make-up) and tried to blend in. I was lonely, unhappy and kind of awkward. When I hit puberty, I fell into a deep depression. Then, one day, I was about to kill myself and then I decided, 'i have nothing to lose, maybe I should just transition instead.'"

I don't mean to suggest that there is anything wrong with this narrative, as it really is some peoples' narrative, but i think there is a lot of pressure in the trans community to rewrite personal histories to fit into this story when often our stories have nothing to do with this story (what if you liked make-up and sports? what if your decision to transition was much more low-key?). It is all fine to re-write your story for convenience and acceptance (though it sucks to feel like you have to), but that's not really going to cut it with family who probably know your story better than you do. It might leave a family member of someone with a "non-traditional" narrative or gender role (most folks, to some extent) feeling even more lost and alone than before if they looked to the book for answers.

Or at least that's how my loved ones felt when they read the book...


In theory, though, it's a great book. And I don't mean to slam it at all, as it is still pretty well done. It definitely does not fit into a transfeminist way of thinking about gender roles and how being trans doesn't suddenly mean you have to be straight and hyper-masculine/feminine. But, on the other hand, a family member who is just looking to find some reference point for their current situation has plenty of time to educate themselves about all the cultural and political stuff surrounding trans stuff and might need to take some time to deal with their own feelings too.

[Tuna koscica · Rating 3 out of 5]

outdated in quite a few ways but a good collection of personal testimonies nonetheless

[Alyx Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Trans Forming Families is an anthology in which the friends and family members of transgendered people tell the stories of their reactions to loved ones' gender transitions. By the time I read this it was preaching to the converted, but the book could be a good learning tool to give to someone -- like a parent or friend -- who's just learning about the trans experience.

The book ably demonstrates that transfolk are not freaks but people with the same hopes, dreams and feelings as everyone else. If that sounds obvious to you, then maybe you should give this one instead of receiving it.

[Gwen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a collection of letters and stories submitted by transgender people and their families. It shows that people come in all "flavors" of gender. This book may be helpful for someone struggling to understand a transgender family member. The writing styles are highly variable and have only been marginally edited.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although I felt like I didn't "need" this book, since I already fully accepted and supported my family member's transition, I enjoyed the entire book little by little. I read one story at a time, and savored each person's experience - some of them I related to, some I didn't, but each was special and personal and moving.

[Konnor H. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Decent collection of stories detailing those who have some type of family relationship with a trans person. Some stories were better than others, and overall it seemed to lack a finished/professional quality. But a decent read regardless.

[Lilac · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not terribly professionally done, and varied in style and interest, as it's by lots of people, but a necessary work, that does a pretty good job.

[Sue · Rating 3 out of 5]

A number of short essays written by the family members of transgendered people. I didn't read them all, but I got the general idea.

[Xiola Mills · Rating 5 out of 5]

very cute personal stories