What do you think?
Rate this book
The Chair of Philanthromathematics
- GenresShort Stories
ebook
First published January 1, 1906
7 people want to read
About the author
O. Henry
2,919 books1,891 followersSuch volumes as
Cabbages and Kings
(1904) and
The Four Million
(1906) collect short stories, noted for their often surprising endings, of American writer William Sydney Porter, who used the pen name O. Henry.
His biography shows where he found inspiration for his characters. His era produced their voices and his language.
Mother of three-year-old Porter died from tuberculosis. He left school at fifteen years of age and worked for five years in drugstore of his uncle and then for two years at a Texas sheep ranch.
In 1884, he went to Austin, where he worked in a real estate office and a church choir and spent four years as a draftsman in the general land office. His wife and firstborn died, but daughter Margaret survived him.
He failed to establish a small humorous weekly and afterward worked in poorly-run bank. When its accounts balanced not, people blamed and fired him.
In Houston, he worked for a few years until, ordered to stand trial for embezzlement, he fled to New Orleans and thence Honduras.
Two years later, he returned on account of illness of his wife. Apprehended, Porter served a few months more than three years in a penitentiary in Columbus, Ohio. During his incarceration, he composed ten short stories, including A Blackjack Bargainer , The Enchanted Kiss , and The Duplicity of Hargraves .
In 1899, McClure's published Whistling Dick's Christmas Story and Georgia's Ruling .
In Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, he sent manuscripts to New York editors. In the spring of 1902, Ainslee's Magazine offered him a regular income if he moved to New York.
In less than eight years, he became a bestselling author of collections of short stories. Cabbages and Kings came first in 1904 The Four Million, and The Trimmed Lamp and Heart of the West followed in 1907, and The Voice of the City in 1908, Roads of Destiny and Options in 1909, Strictly Business and Whirligigs in 1910 followed.
Posthumously published collections include The Gentle Grafter about the swindler, Jeff Peters; Rolling Stones , Waifs and Strays , and in 1936, unsigned stories, followed.
People rewarded other persons financially more. A Retrieved Reformation about the safe-cracker Jimmy Valentine got $250; six years later, $500 for dramatic rights, which gave over $100,000 royalties for playwright Paul Armstrong. Many stories have been made into films.
His biography shows where he found inspiration for his characters. His era produced their voices and his language.
Mother of three-year-old Porter died from tuberculosis. He left school at fifteen years of age and worked for five years in drugstore of his uncle and then for two years at a Texas sheep ranch.
In 1884, he went to Austin, where he worked in a real estate office and a church choir and spent four years as a draftsman in the general land office. His wife and firstborn died, but daughter Margaret survived him.
He failed to establish a small humorous weekly and afterward worked in poorly-run bank. When its accounts balanced not, people blamed and fired him.
In Houston, he worked for a few years until, ordered to stand trial for embezzlement, he fled to New Orleans and thence Honduras.
Two years later, he returned on account of illness of his wife. Apprehended, Porter served a few months more than three years in a penitentiary in Columbus, Ohio. During his incarceration, he composed ten short stories, including A Blackjack Bargainer , The Enchanted Kiss , and The Duplicity of Hargraves .
In 1899, McClure's published Whistling Dick's Christmas Story and Georgia's Ruling .
In Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, he sent manuscripts to New York editors. In the spring of 1902, Ainslee's Magazine offered him a regular income if he moved to New York.
In less than eight years, he became a bestselling author of collections of short stories. Cabbages and Kings came first in 1904 The Four Million, and The Trimmed Lamp and Heart of the West followed in 1907, and The Voice of the City in 1908, Roads of Destiny and Options in 1909, Strictly Business and Whirligigs in 1910 followed.
Posthumously published collections include The Gentle Grafter about the swindler, Jeff Peters; Rolling Stones , Waifs and Strays , and in 1936, unsigned stories, followed.
People rewarded other persons financially more. A Retrieved Reformation about the safe-cracker Jimmy Valentine got $250; six years later, $500 for dramatic rights, which gave over $100,000 royalties for playwright Paul Armstrong. Many stories have been made into films.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
January 3, 2026
O. Henry’s “The Chair of Philanthromathematics” is a short story about grifters, Andy and Jeff who had swindled $25,000 in Arizona and looked to set up a school to give back with philanthropy.
Story in short- Again Andy and Jeff don’t disappoint with their grafting skills.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2309
“It is,” said Jeff. “I never told you about the time when me and Andy Tucker was philanthropists, did I? It
was eight years ago in Arizona. Andy and me was out in the Gila mountains with a two-horse wagon
prospecting for silver. We struck it, and sold out to parties in Tucson for $25,000. They paid our check at
the bank in silver — a thousand dollars in a sack. We loaded it in our wagon and drove east a hundred
miles before we recovered our presence of intellect.
Page 2310
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2310
“Me and Andy deposited our money to the credit of Peters and Tucker in the Esperanza Savings Bank,
and got rooms at the Skyview Hotel. After supper we lit up, and sat out on the gallery and smoked.
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2310
Then was when the philanthropy idea struck me. I suppose every grafter gets it sometime. “When a man
swindles the public out of a certain amount he begins to get scared and wants to return part of it. And if
you’ll watch close and notice the way his charity runs you’ll see that he tries to restore it to the same
people he got it from.
❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌spoiler alert
The grifters set up a school that seems useless to real learning but with the math teacher who is really a gambler who heads the table to swindle the rich and other young boys from wealthy fathers out of money and during school break the grifters leave town. Andy tells Jeff that the professor who earned so much a week is the gambler.
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2311
Neither,’ says I. ‘We’ve got too much money to be implicated in plain charity; and we haven’t got enough
to make restitution. So, we’ll look about for something
1
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2311
that’s about half way between the two.’ “The next day in walking around Floresville we see on a hill a big
red brick building that appears to be disinhabited. The citizens speak up and tell us that it was begun for
a residence several years before by a mine owner. After running up the house he finds he only had $2.80
left to furnish it with, so he invests that in whiskey and jumps off the roof on a spot where he now
requiescats in pieces.
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2311
“As soon as me and Andy saw that building the same idea struck both of us. We would fix it up with
lights and pen wipers and professors, and put an iron dog and statues of Hercules and Father John on
the lawn, and start one of the finest free educational institutions in the world right there. “So we talks it
over to the prominent citizens of Floresville, who falls in fine with the idea. They give a banquet in the
engine house to us, and we make our bow for the first time as benefactors to the cause of
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2311
progress and enlightenment. Andy makes an hour-and-a-half speech on the subject of irrigation in
Lower Egypt, and we have a moral tune on the phonograph and pineapple sherbet. “Andy and me didn’t
lose any time in philanthropping. We put every man in town that could tell a hammer from a step
ladder to work on the building, dividing it up into class rooms and lecture halls. We wire to Frisco for a
car load of desks, footballs, arithmetics, penholders, dictionaries, chairs
Page 2312
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2312
for the professors, slates, skeletons, sponges, twenty-seven cravenetted gowns and caps for the senior
class, and an open order for all the truck that goes with a first-class university
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2312
“Well, sir, we finally got in shape. Over the front door was carved the words: ‘The World’s University;
Peters & Tucker, Patrons and Proprietors. And when September the first
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2312
got a cross-mark on the calendar, the come-ons begun to roll in. First the faculty got off the tri-weekly
express from Tucson. They was mostly young, spectacled, and red-headed, with sentiments divided
between ambition and food. Andy and me got ’em billeted on the Floresvillians and then laid for the
students.
2
Page 2314
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2314
“Well, sir, the World’s University was a success. We had scholars from five States and territories, and
Floresville had a boom. A new shooting gallery and a pawn shop
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2314
and two more saloons started; and the boys got up a college yell that went this way:
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2314
“But one day about the last of October Andy comes to me and asks if I have any idea how much money
we had left in the bank. I guesses about sixteen thousand. ‘Our balance,’ says Andy, ‘is $821.62.’ “‘What!’
says I, with a kind of a yell. ‘Do you mean to tell me that them infernal clod-hopping, dough-headed,
pup-faced, goose-brained, gate-stealing, rabbit-eared sons of horse thieves have soaked us for that
much?’
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2314
“‘No less,’ says Andy. “‘Then, to Helvetia with philanthropy,’ says I. “‘Not necessarily,’ says Andy.
‘Philanthropy,’ says he, ‘when run on a good business basis is one of the best grafts going. I’ll look into
the matter and see if it can’t be straightened out.’ “The next week I am looking over the payroll of our
faculty when I run across a new name — Professor James Darnley McCorkle, chair of mathematics;
salary $100 per week.
Page 2315
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2315
I yells so loud that Andy runs in quick. “‘What’s this,’ says I. ‘A professor of mathematics at more than
$5,000 a year? How did this happen? Did he get in through the window and appoint himself?’ “‘I wired
to Frisco for him a week ago,’ says Andy. ‘In ordering the faculty we seemed to have overlooked the chair
of mathematics.’
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2315
“‘Wait a while,’ says Andy, ‘and see how things turn out. We have taken up too noble a cause to draw out
now. Besides, the further I gaze into the retail philanthropy business the better it looks to me. I never
thought about investigating it before. Come to think of it now,’ goes on Andy, ‘all the philanthropists I
ever knew had plenty of money. I ought to have looked into that matter long ago, and located
3
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2315
which was the cause and which was the effect.’ “I had confidence in Andy’s chicanery in financial
affairs, so I left the whole thing in his hands. The University was flourishing fine, and me and Andy kept
our silk hats shined up, and Floresville kept on heaping honors on us like we was millionaires instead of
almost busted philanthropists.
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2315
Me and Andy strolled up one night and piked a dollar or two for sociability. There were about fifty of our
students there drinking rum punches and shoving high stacks of blues and reds about the table as the
dealer turned the cards up. “‘Why, dang it, Andy,’ says I, ‘these free-school-hunting, gander-headed, silk-
socked little sons of sap-suckers have got more money than you and me ever had. Look at
Page 2316
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2316
the rolls they’re pulling out of their pistol pockets?’ “‘Yes,’ says Andy, ‘a good many of them are sons of
wealthy miners and stockmen. It’s very sad to see ’em wasting their opportunities this way.’ “At
Christmas all the students went home to spend the holidays. We had a farewell blowout at the
University, and Andy lectured on ‘Modern Music and Prehistoric Literature of the Archipelagos.’ Each
one of the faculty answered to toasts, and compared me and Andy
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2316
to Rockefeller and the Emperor Marcus Autolycus. I pounded on the table and yelled for Professor
McCorkle; but it seems he wasn’t present on the occasion. I wanted a look at the man that Andy thought
could earn $100 a week in philanthropy that was on the point of making an assignment. “The students
all left on the night train; and the town sounded as quiet as the campus of a correspondence school at
midnight. When I went to the hotel I saw a light in
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2316
Andy’s room, and I opened the door and walked in. “There sat Andy and the faro dealer at a table
dividing a two-foot high stack of currency in thousand-dollar packages. “‘Correct,’ says Andy. ‘Thirty-
one thousand apiece. Come in, Jeff,’ says he. ‘This is our share of the profits of the first half of the
scholastic term of the World’s University, incorporated and philanthropated. Are you convinced now,’
says Andy, ‘that philanthropy when practiced in a business way is an art that
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2316
blesses him who gives as well as him who receives?’ “‘Great!’ says I, feeling fine. ‘I’ll admit you are the
doctor this time.’ “‘We’ll be leaving on the morning train,’ says Andy. ‘You’d better get your collars and
cuffs and press clippings together.’ “‘Great!’ says I. ‘I’ll be ready. But, Andy,’ says I, ‘I wish I could have
met that Professor James Darnley McCorkle before we went. I had a curiosity to know that man.’ “‘That’ll
be easy,’ says Andy, turning around to the faro dealer.
4
Page 2317
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2317
“‘Jim,’ says Andy, ‘shake hands with Mr. Peters.’”
Story in short- Again Andy and Jeff don’t disappoint with their grafting skills.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2309
“It is,” said Jeff. “I never told you about the time when me and Andy Tucker was philanthropists, did I? It
was eight years ago in Arizona. Andy and me was out in the Gila mountains with a two-horse wagon
prospecting for silver. We struck it, and sold out to parties in Tucson for $25,000. They paid our check at
the bank in silver — a thousand dollars in a sack. We loaded it in our wagon and drove east a hundred
miles before we recovered our presence of intellect.
Page 2310
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2310
“Me and Andy deposited our money to the credit of Peters and Tucker in the Esperanza Savings Bank,
and got rooms at the Skyview Hotel. After supper we lit up, and sat out on the gallery and smoked.
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2310
Then was when the philanthropy idea struck me. I suppose every grafter gets it sometime. “When a man
swindles the public out of a certain amount he begins to get scared and wants to return part of it. And if
you’ll watch close and notice the way his charity runs you’ll see that he tries to restore it to the same
people he got it from.
❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌spoiler alert
The grifters set up a school that seems useless to real learning but with the math teacher who is really a gambler who heads the table to swindle the rich and other young boys from wealthy fathers out of money and during school break the grifters leave town. Andy tells Jeff that the professor who earned so much a week is the gambler.
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2311
Neither,’ says I. ‘We’ve got too much money to be implicated in plain charity; and we haven’t got enough
to make restitution. So, we’ll look about for something
1
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2311
that’s about half way between the two.’ “The next day in walking around Floresville we see on a hill a big
red brick building that appears to be disinhabited. The citizens speak up and tell us that it was begun for
a residence several years before by a mine owner. After running up the house he finds he only had $2.80
left to furnish it with, so he invests that in whiskey and jumps off the roof on a spot where he now
requiescats in pieces.
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2311
“As soon as me and Andy saw that building the same idea struck both of us. We would fix it up with
lights and pen wipers and professors, and put an iron dog and statues of Hercules and Father John on
the lawn, and start one of the finest free educational institutions in the world right there. “So we talks it
over to the prominent citizens of Floresville, who falls in fine with the idea. They give a banquet in the
engine house to us, and we make our bow for the first time as benefactors to the cause of
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2311
progress and enlightenment. Andy makes an hour-and-a-half speech on the subject of irrigation in
Lower Egypt, and we have a moral tune on the phonograph and pineapple sherbet. “Andy and me didn’t
lose any time in philanthropping. We put every man in town that could tell a hammer from a step
ladder to work on the building, dividing it up into class rooms and lecture halls. We wire to Frisco for a
car load of desks, footballs, arithmetics, penholders, dictionaries, chairs
Page 2312
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2312
for the professors, slates, skeletons, sponges, twenty-seven cravenetted gowns and caps for the senior
class, and an open order for all the truck that goes with a first-class university
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2312
“Well, sir, we finally got in shape. Over the front door was carved the words: ‘The World’s University;
Peters & Tucker, Patrons and Proprietors. And when September the first
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2312
got a cross-mark on the calendar, the come-ons begun to roll in. First the faculty got off the tri-weekly
express from Tucson. They was mostly young, spectacled, and red-headed, with sentiments divided
between ambition and food. Andy and me got ’em billeted on the Floresvillians and then laid for the
students.
2
Page 2314
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2314
“Well, sir, the World’s University was a success. We had scholars from five States and territories, and
Floresville had a boom. A new shooting gallery and a pawn shop
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2314
and two more saloons started; and the boys got up a college yell that went this way:
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2314
“But one day about the last of October Andy comes to me and asks if I have any idea how much money
we had left in the bank. I guesses about sixteen thousand. ‘Our balance,’ says Andy, ‘is $821.62.’ “‘What!’
says I, with a kind of a yell. ‘Do you mean to tell me that them infernal clod-hopping, dough-headed,
pup-faced, goose-brained, gate-stealing, rabbit-eared sons of horse thieves have soaked us for that
much?’
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2314
“‘No less,’ says Andy. “‘Then, to Helvetia with philanthropy,’ says I. “‘Not necessarily,’ says Andy.
‘Philanthropy,’ says he, ‘when run on a good business basis is one of the best grafts going. I’ll look into
the matter and see if it can’t be straightened out.’ “The next week I am looking over the payroll of our
faculty when I run across a new name — Professor James Darnley McCorkle, chair of mathematics;
salary $100 per week.
Page 2315
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2315
I yells so loud that Andy runs in quick. “‘What’s this,’ says I. ‘A professor of mathematics at more than
$5,000 a year? How did this happen? Did he get in through the window and appoint himself?’ “‘I wired
to Frisco for him a week ago,’ says Andy. ‘In ordering the faculty we seemed to have overlooked the chair
of mathematics.’
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2315
“‘Wait a while,’ says Andy, ‘and see how things turn out. We have taken up too noble a cause to draw out
now. Besides, the further I gaze into the retail philanthropy business the better it looks to me. I never
thought about investigating it before. Come to think of it now,’ goes on Andy, ‘all the philanthropists I
ever knew had plenty of money. I ought to have looked into that matter long ago, and located
3
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2315
which was the cause and which was the effect.’ “I had confidence in Andy’s chicanery in financial
affairs, so I left the whole thing in his hands. The University was flourishing fine, and me and Andy kept
our silk hats shined up, and Floresville kept on heaping honors on us like we was millionaires instead of
almost busted philanthropists.
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2315
Me and Andy strolled up one night and piked a dollar or two for sociability. There were about fifty of our
students there drinking rum punches and shoving high stacks of blues and reds about the table as the
dealer turned the cards up. “‘Why, dang it, Andy,’ says I, ‘these free-school-hunting, gander-headed, silk-
socked little sons of sap-suckers have got more money than you and me ever had. Look at
Page 2316
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2316
the rolls they’re pulling out of their pistol pockets?’ “‘Yes,’ says Andy, ‘a good many of them are sons of
wealthy miners and stockmen. It’s very sad to see ’em wasting their opportunities this way.’ “At
Christmas all the students went home to spend the holidays. We had a farewell blowout at the
University, and Andy lectured on ‘Modern Music and Prehistoric Literature of the Archipelagos.’ Each
one of the faculty answered to toasts, and compared me and Andy
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2316
to Rockefeller and the Emperor Marcus Autolycus. I pounded on the table and yelled for Professor
McCorkle; but it seems he wasn’t present on the occasion. I wanted a look at the man that Andy thought
could earn $100 a week in philanthropy that was on the point of making an assignment. “The students
all left on the night train; and the town sounded as quiet as the campus of a correspondence school at
midnight. When I went to the hotel I saw a light in
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2316
Andy’s room, and I opened the door and walked in. “There sat Andy and the faro dealer at a table
dividing a two-foot high stack of currency in thousand-dollar packages. “‘Correct,’ says Andy. ‘Thirty-
one thousand apiece. Come in, Jeff,’ says he. ‘This is our share of the profits of the first half of the
scholastic term of the World’s University, incorporated and philanthropated. Are you convinced now,’
says Andy, ‘that philanthropy when practiced in a business way is an art that
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2316
blesses him who gives as well as him who receives?’ “‘Great!’ says I, feeling fine. ‘I’ll admit you are the
doctor this time.’ “‘We’ll be leaving on the morning train,’ says Andy. ‘You’d better get your collars and
cuffs and press clippings together.’ “‘Great!’ says I. ‘I’ll be ready. But, Andy,’ says I, ‘I wish I could have
met that Professor James Darnley McCorkle before we went. I had a curiosity to know that man.’ “‘That’ll
be easy,’ says Andy, turning around to the faro dealer.
4
Page 2317
Highlight (Yellow) | Page 2317
“‘Jim,’ says Andy, ‘shake hands with Mr. Peters.’”
December 12, 2023
Entertaingin mystery listening
I listened to this as part of the Victorian Rogues Megapack. It was very entertaining with interesting characters and story licne.
I would recommend this novella to readers of mysteies. 2023
I listened to this as part of the Victorian Rogues Megapack. It was very entertaining with interesting characters and story licne.
I would recommend this novella to readers of mysteies. 2023
April 28, 2024
Two opportunity seekers and low-level grafters get a lucky strike and decide to start a free school. The story got a couple of chuckles out of me, as well as providing a bit of cynical food for thought.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews