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Becoming Okay (When You're Not Okay): A step-by-step guide to decrease suffering and develop acceptance
A powerfully detailed method of dealing with life's pains and injustices." Kirkus Book Reviews
Pain is often part of living; yet, humans naturally resist pain and - in the process of resisting - create more pain for themselves and those they love. In contrast, demonstrating acceptance means approaching the pain of living in a way that gives it less control and less ability to produce suffering. Acceptance is acknowledging what life is, rather than continuing to struggle with what life isn't. Acceptance lessens our struggle with pain and increases our ability to live fully. Acceptance helps us "become okay" - even when we really, really aren't okay.
While many self-help books emphasize the importance of acceptance, how is it developed? Psychologist, Bryan Bushman, provides a step-by-step roadmap for anyone interested in learning how to rise above emotional or physical pain. Part I of the book suggests powerful ways we can avoid suffering through its innovative use of Buddhism's three paths of suffering. Part II of the book focuses on scientifically-grounded ways to develop acceptance. Combining the best of both eastern- and western-insights with the latest neuropsychological research, Dr. Bushman provides several, easy-to-remember steps that summarize information so people can live richer, more-balanced lives.
Universal in its application, there is something here for everyone. Whether you experience depression, anxiety, chronic illness, emotional trauma, relationship problems, or addictive behaviors, pain doesn't have to define you. Using playful humor and powerful case examples, Becoming Okay (When You're Not Okay) provides readers with scientifically-grounded, yet soul-expanding, exercises and insights. You can build a life of vitality and action - even while experiencing some of life's greatest trials.
"The author packs a great deal of information into his pages, and he delivers all of it with the smooth skill of an expert teacher... He also includes many illustrations, including graphs and charts designed to convey multiple steps at a glance." Kirkus Book Reviews
Pain is often part of living; yet, humans naturally resist pain and - in the process of resisting - create more pain for themselves and those they love. In contrast, demonstrating acceptance means approaching the pain of living in a way that gives it less control and less ability to produce suffering. Acceptance is acknowledging what life is, rather than continuing to struggle with what life isn't. Acceptance lessens our struggle with pain and increases our ability to live fully. Acceptance helps us "become okay" - even when we really, really aren't okay.
While many self-help books emphasize the importance of acceptance, how is it developed? Psychologist, Bryan Bushman, provides a step-by-step roadmap for anyone interested in learning how to rise above emotional or physical pain. Part I of the book suggests powerful ways we can avoid suffering through its innovative use of Buddhism's three paths of suffering. Part II of the book focuses on scientifically-grounded ways to develop acceptance. Combining the best of both eastern- and western-insights with the latest neuropsychological research, Dr. Bushman provides several, easy-to-remember steps that summarize information so people can live richer, more-balanced lives.
Universal in its application, there is something here for everyone. Whether you experience depression, anxiety, chronic illness, emotional trauma, relationship problems, or addictive behaviors, pain doesn't have to define you. Using playful humor and powerful case examples, Becoming Okay (When You're Not Okay) provides readers with scientifically-grounded, yet soul-expanding, exercises and insights. You can build a life of vitality and action - even while experiencing some of life's greatest trials.
"The author packs a great deal of information into his pages, and he delivers all of it with the smooth skill of an expert teacher... He also includes many illustrations, including graphs and charts designed to convey multiple steps at a glance." Kirkus Book Reviews
- GenresPsychology
407 pages, Paperback
Published March 12, 2018
4 people are currently reading
13 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
July 4, 2018
We can't avoid pain, but we can learn how not to turn our pain into suffering, and this book provides a clear path for doing so. Time and time again I have had friends, coaches, therapists, and healthcare providers tell me that I need to learn acceptance, but this is the first time I have ever had anyone provide specific, easy-to-understand steps I could follow to learn how to do that.
Dr. Bryan Bushman's approach incorporates aspects of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Buddhist philosophy, and neurobiology. There are several acronyms you'll need to learn to remember the steps of his approach. I found these a little overwhelming at first, but you can download worksheets from his website that will guide you through some of the exercises, and those worksheets really helped me in learning the process. Appendices, endnotes, and references are also provided for those who want to delve deeper.
Even though I have already read quite a bit in this subject area, I really liked how Dr. Bushman presented these ideas. He shares some great teaching stories and he uses some very helpful analogies. Some of the stories are also really funny--I loved the parable of being dead right, and that lesson is likely to stick with me. I also appreciate that the author tried to incorporate some diversity in his examples.
The one thing I would have liked to see different would be more examples of people dealing with physical pain and chronic illness. I understand that the same approach applies, but it would have been nice to see a couple examples as opposed to all of the focus on emotional pain.
I wasn't familiar with Dr. Bushman's work prior to reading this book, but he does such a fine job establishing trust and rapport with the reader, partway through the book, I realized that I'd be happy to sit and discuss these ideas with him over a beverage. I think most people could understand and benefit from this book, and I highly recommend it.
I was provided an ARC through NetGalley that I volunteered to review. Because I have not seen the final published version, I cannot comment on the final editing and formatting. The issues I noticed in the ARC were sufficiently minor and infrequent enough that I doubt they would interfere with most readers' enjoyment of the book.
Dr. Bryan Bushman's approach incorporates aspects of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Buddhist philosophy, and neurobiology. There are several acronyms you'll need to learn to remember the steps of his approach. I found these a little overwhelming at first, but you can download worksheets from his website that will guide you through some of the exercises, and those worksheets really helped me in learning the process. Appendices, endnotes, and references are also provided for those who want to delve deeper.
Even though I have already read quite a bit in this subject area, I really liked how Dr. Bushman presented these ideas. He shares some great teaching stories and he uses some very helpful analogies. Some of the stories are also really funny--I loved the parable of being dead right, and that lesson is likely to stick with me. I also appreciate that the author tried to incorporate some diversity in his examples.
The one thing I would have liked to see different would be more examples of people dealing with physical pain and chronic illness. I understand that the same approach applies, but it would have been nice to see a couple examples as opposed to all of the focus on emotional pain.
I wasn't familiar with Dr. Bushman's work prior to reading this book, but he does such a fine job establishing trust and rapport with the reader, partway through the book, I realized that I'd be happy to sit and discuss these ideas with him over a beverage. I think most people could understand and benefit from this book, and I highly recommend it.
I was provided an ARC through NetGalley that I volunteered to review. Because I have not seen the final published version, I cannot comment on the final editing and formatting. The issues I noticed in the ARC were sufficiently minor and infrequent enough that I doubt they would interfere with most readers' enjoyment of the book.
April 9, 2018
I absolutely loved this book. I'm not always the biggest fan of self-help books, as I feel like they can often be too bogged down by cliche and attempts at positive thinking to address the realistic state that most self-help readers are in. In other words, they are openly written about 'becoming okay', but rarely acknowledge that they're intended for 'when you're not okay'. I think this is something that Bushman addresses beautifully.
This book is not full of platitudes but real, down-to-earth methods to promote healing, grounded in both Buddhist traditions and scientific research. It's worth saying that Bushman doesn't expect his readers to be in any way spiritual - while the book makes great use of Buddhist principles, these are all perfectly applicable to people of any (or no) religious background.
Structurally, the layout of the book is really useful, as I felt there was a helpful and logical progression from the beginning to the end - although sections can also be easily read independently. This means it can be a great book to sit and read from cover, or dip in and out of, whatever your preference.
I would highly recommend this book.
This book is not full of platitudes but real, down-to-earth methods to promote healing, grounded in both Buddhist traditions and scientific research. It's worth saying that Bushman doesn't expect his readers to be in any way spiritual - while the book makes great use of Buddhist principles, these are all perfectly applicable to people of any (or no) religious background.
Structurally, the layout of the book is really useful, as I felt there was a helpful and logical progression from the beginning to the end - although sections can also be easily read independently. This means it can be a great book to sit and read from cover, or dip in and out of, whatever your preference.
I would highly recommend this book.
April 6, 2018
I really liked this book, even though I’m not usually one for self-help books. I especially appreciated the tone Bushman took with his writing; I felt like I was having a conversation with an old friend. I also felt that Bushman’s writing was very straightforward and honest, he was clear right up front that he incorporated other sources into his text. I also respected the way he uses religion to complement his advice, as well as scientific principles, but is very clear that he’s not trying to convert readers, but is just using religion as a tool to teach. I also enjoyed his informal writing style. I felt his main point that we all have problems, but can choose how to respond to them is a simple and straightforward advice, but useful and necessary to know and something we all need to be reminded of once in awhile. I also felt that his real-life case studies helped effectively illustrate his points in this useful book.
November 30, 2025
Becoming Okay (When You’re Not Okay) by Bryan Bushman is a compassionate, insightful, and deeply practical guide for anyone seeking to understand their pain and reduce unnecessary suffering. Bushman draws a clear distinction between pain an inevitable part of life and suffering, which often arises from our resistance to painful experiences. With warmth, clarity, and psychological expertise, he shows readers how acceptance can transform the way they navigate life’s most challenging moments.
The book is divided into two powerful sections. Part I introduces Buddhism’s three paths of suffering, offering readers a meaningful framework for understanding why we hurt more when we fight against reality. Part II provides a scientifically grounded roadmap for developing acceptance through neuropsychological research, emotional awareness, and actionable steps. Bushman blends Eastern philosophy with Western psychology, creating an approach that is accessible, evidence based, and universally applicable.
Packed with case studies, humor, and clear exercises, this guide speaks to anyone dealing with depression, anxiety, chronic illness, trauma, relationship issues, or addictive behaviors. Bushman gives readers the tools to build resilience, act with purpose, and develop a renewed sense of balance even during life’s most overwhelming periods. Becoming Okay (When You’re Not Okay) is both grounding and uplifting, offering hope, clarity, and a path toward inner peace.
The book is divided into two powerful sections. Part I introduces Buddhism’s three paths of suffering, offering readers a meaningful framework for understanding why we hurt more when we fight against reality. Part II provides a scientifically grounded roadmap for developing acceptance through neuropsychological research, emotional awareness, and actionable steps. Bushman blends Eastern philosophy with Western psychology, creating an approach that is accessible, evidence based, and universally applicable.
Packed with case studies, humor, and clear exercises, this guide speaks to anyone dealing with depression, anxiety, chronic illness, trauma, relationship issues, or addictive behaviors. Bushman gives readers the tools to build resilience, act with purpose, and develop a renewed sense of balance even during life’s most overwhelming periods. Becoming Okay (When You’re Not Okay) is both grounding and uplifting, offering hope, clarity, and a path toward inner peace.
November 28, 2025
Becoming Okay (When You’re Not Okay) is a masterful guide for anyone navigating life’s inevitable pains. Bryan Bushman combines the wisdom of Eastern practices with scientifically-backed strategies from Western psychology, delivering a roadmap for transforming pain into acceptance and resilience.
What stood out was his compassionate use of real-life examples showing how readers facing chronic illness, emotional trauma, or anxiety can actively reduce suffering and reclaim control over their lives. With humor, clarity, and practical exercises, this book empowers you to truly become okay, even when life feels anything but.
What stood out was his compassionate use of real-life examples showing how readers facing chronic illness, emotional trauma, or anxiety can actively reduce suffering and reclaim control over their lives. With humor, clarity, and practical exercises, this book empowers you to truly become okay, even when life feels anything but.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews