Pregnancy After a Loss: A Guide to Pregnancy After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death

by Carol Cirulli Lanham

For a woman who has experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of an infant, conceiving another child can be fraught with mixed emotions. This guide, filled with up-to-date medical information and written by a woman who herself experienced a successful pregnancy after the loss of her first baby, can help women cope with their anxiety. It offers guidance for women asking such questions Pregnancy after a loss can be a time of great emotional upheaval—but also, a time of healing and hope. With this sensible, sensitive guide, women can put their minds at ease—and learn to look forward to the future as they make peace with the past.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting

400 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 1999

Reviews

[Meredith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't usually write reviews, but I'll do it for this book since there are only 10 of them and several seem to be written by people who haven't experienced pregnancy loss.

Our first daughter died when I was 4.5 months pregnant, and I'm currently 4 months pregnant with a son. As some of the other writers have mentioned, it's true that some of the medical information in this book could use updating, but the medical information is not why I'm giving it five stars -- from the moment I opened the book, I felt like Carol Lanham was in my head. It was exactly what I needed when feeling crazy, anxious, and overwhelmed in my second pregnancy. It's a fabulous resource when you want some insight on the experience of pregnancy after a loss, and you need to know that the things you're feeling are normal.

I also think she did a great job of making sure that many different perspectives were represented -- she includes interviews of women who experienced one or more miscarriages, stillbirths, neonatal deaths, and crucially for me, second trimester losses. I've found that second trimester losses tend to be misunderstood and underrepresented even in literature about pregnancy loss -- when people talk about miscarriage they are nearly always talking about first trimester miscarriage (since that's overwhelmingly the most common sort) and when they talk about stillbirth they are nearly always talking about full term stillbirth (I've been uncomfortable talking about our loss as a stillbirth because it seems presumptuous given the commonly understood meaning). While second trimester miscarriage shares similarities with both, I really feel that it's a different beast in many ways -- not easier, not harder, just different. Carol Lanham did such a wonderful job of balancing and discussing perspectives from the full range of pregnancy loss experiences that she paints a very rich tapestry of the range of emotions and reactions you might experience at different stages of a subsequent pregnancy. Her book has given me some great ideas for surviving the rest of this pregnancy, and has helped me anticipate issues that I might encounter in later stages.

I'm so glad that this book exists, and I sincerely hope that nobody reading this ever needs it. If you do, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Amie Lands · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I was pregnant with my son the year after my daughter died, I wished for a book like this. I often thought I should/would write a book for moms like me. But, in my most recent pregnancy 4 years later, I found this book and realized a great resource already existed! This book answers every question and anticipates every experience that a subsequent pregnancy includes. I highly recommend this book.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book helped me survive. A great recommendation for anyone in this situation.

[Megan Wallin · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book has been a wonderful help

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Although it is true that a very difficult time is behind you, it is unlikely that you will ever regain the innocence you had before your loss."

I really appreciated this book even though I didn't read it cover to cover. When I first picked it up, I was afraid it was going to be all medical information, but it ended up having so many amazing and relatable personal stories from women who ranged widely in their experiences and feelings that were really validating. I loved knowing that other women felt the same way I did about small and large events and things others wouldn't understand such as having a tough time telling people about your new pregnancy, feelings about having a baby shower, being in the same hospital where your loss took place and much more. It takes you through the whole process of understanding your loss, getting pregnant again, each trimester, labor and delivery and after the new baby's arrival.

I would say this book may not be for everyone and the author encourages you to skip some sections depending on your situation. If you have a lot of anxiety, some of the stories could actually increase your fears because you learn even more ways things could go wrong.

[Carol Mann Agency]

For a woman who has experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of an infant, conceiving another child can be fraught with mixed emotions. This guide, filled with up-to-date medical information and written by a woman who herself experienced a successful pregnancy after the loss of her first baby, can help women cope with their anxiety. It offers guidance for women asking such questions as:

Why did it happen—and how can I make sure it doesn't happen again?
Will my next pregnancy be considered high-risk?
How long should I wait before getting pregnant again?
What can I expect at prenatal exams?
Will I ever be able to love another baby as much as I love the one I lost?

Pregnancy after a loss can be a time of great emotional upheaval—but also, a time of healing and hope. With this sensible, sensitive guide, women can put their minds at ease—and learn to look forward to the future as they make peace with the past.

[Ami · Rating 2 out of 5]

Probably outdated & not the best resource on the topic, although the trimester-by-trimester approach was interesting. Still, I ended up skimming because I'm not actually pregnant again yet and although I understand it happens, the idea of stillbirth or infant death is pretty horrifying and, in my mind at least, a different level of horror than early miscarriage. And not necessarily one I want to be confronted with right now, so...

[Lynda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an informative and supportive book for pregnancy after a miscarriage or stillborn loss. Some of the technical information seems a bit outdated, but the suggestions and tools for maintaining a positive, healthy attitude (or just surviving the pregnancy) are still helpful. This book may be helpful to those who are experiencing this situation or if you are close family or friend to someone who is experiencing it.

[Becca · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a book on how to deal with a miscarriage and the fears it raises for future pregnancies. While the parts I read did accomplish what I wanted in just knowing what thoughts and fears are normal, and therefore not crazy, it was full of way too many harrowing stories of pregnancy loss for me to want to read it all. I don't need more things to worry about next time!

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This isn't a book that I'd actually say I liked, but it is a book that I found very helpful. And I'm not really into self-help books. If someone else is going through this issue, I highly recommend this book to you. Lots of personal stories and lots of insight. Made me realize that I wasn't alone and certainly not as crazy as I'd originally felt myself to be.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty informative book.

[Carrie R · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great resource for any mother who is pregnant again after losing a baby...