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Billy's Log. The Hilarious Diary of One Man's Struggle With Life, Lager and the Female Race
Bridget Jones's Diary... for lads!
For Billy Ellis, life is one series of disasters after another. His haemorrhoids have just cost him promotion, his new boss is threatening to move in next door, and on the very occasions he need a condom, he can’t even buy a packet without almost getting arrested. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he’s suddenly woken up to the fact that he’s almost thirty, still single and has the looks that give a new meaning to the word ‘average’.
But at the end of last year, as always, Billy read his ‘Log of Life’ and vowed to make things better.
And this year, he succeeded. Eventually.
Billy’s Log reveals the frustrations of life for a single male and the never-ending battle to understand the workings of the female mind.
For Billy Ellis, life is one series of disasters after another. His haemorrhoids have just cost him promotion, his new boss is threatening to move in next door, and on the very occasions he need a condom, he can’t even buy a packet without almost getting arrested. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he’s suddenly woken up to the fact that he’s almost thirty, still single and has the looks that give a new meaning to the word ‘average’.
But at the end of last year, as always, Billy read his ‘Log of Life’ and vowed to make things better.
And this year, he succeeded. Eventually.
Billy’s Log reveals the frustrations of life for a single male and the never-ending battle to understand the workings of the female mind.
288 pages, Paperback
Published January 1, 2001
8 people are currently reading
102 people want to read
About the author
Dougie Brimson
28 books82 followersIn recent years, former serviceman Dougie Brimson has emerged as one of the most diverse writers in Britain.
Perhaps best known for penning the multi-award winning feature Green Street, his writing career began in 1996 when after 18 years service with the RAF, he co-authored the best-selling non-fiction work Everywhere We Go. A book that remains essential reading for anyone with an interest in the culture of English football.
A further 16 books have followed including the crime thriller The Crew which topped the Amazon sports book download charts for nine years following its publication in eBook format and the comedy Wings of a Sparrow which after a successful electronic release, was issued in print.
May 2020 saw the release of In The Know. The third book in The Crew/Top Dog trilogy involving Essex gang leader, Billy Evans. In The Know topped the Amazon political thriller charts in mar 2021.
In 2003 Dougie made the move into screenwriting first with the critically acclaimed short movie It’s a Casual Life and then with his first full length feature, the Hollywood funded Green Street starring Elijah Wood. Following its release in September 2005, the film won numerous awards including:
Narrative Jury Prize - SXSW Film Festival
Narrative Feature Audience - SXSW Film Festival
Best of Festival – Malibu Film Festival
Jury Award (feature) – Malibu Film Festival
Official Selection – Tribeca Film Festival
May 2014 saw the release of his second feature, an adaptation of his own novel, Top Dog. Directed by Martin Kemp (The Krays, Eastenders) the film took the Best Feature award at the British Independent Film Festival as well as the Best Actor (Leo Gregory), Best Supporting Actor (Ricci Harnett) and Best Supporting Actress (Lorraine Stanley) awards. It has also been nominated in the Best Action Film category at the National Film Awards 2015.
A third feature, the urban revenge thriller, We Still Kill The Old Way (starring Ian Ogilvy, James Cosmo, Steven Berkhoff and Danni Dyer) was released on 16th December 2014. It has been nominated in numerous categories, including Best Action Film at the 2015 Action Elite Awards.
Other film projects in development include adaptations of his comedy novels Wings of a Sparrow and Billy’s Log, Mister One Hundred (a biography of Welsh darts legend Leighton Rees), Boots on the Ground (a drama about a British soldier injured in Afghanistan) and Three Greens (a modern day reworking of the classic movie The League of Gentlemen).
Perhaps best known for penning the multi-award winning feature Green Street, his writing career began in 1996 when after 18 years service with the RAF, he co-authored the best-selling non-fiction work Everywhere We Go. A book that remains essential reading for anyone with an interest in the culture of English football.
A further 16 books have followed including the crime thriller The Crew which topped the Amazon sports book download charts for nine years following its publication in eBook format and the comedy Wings of a Sparrow which after a successful electronic release, was issued in print.
May 2020 saw the release of In The Know. The third book in The Crew/Top Dog trilogy involving Essex gang leader, Billy Evans. In The Know topped the Amazon political thriller charts in mar 2021.
In 2003 Dougie made the move into screenwriting first with the critically acclaimed short movie It’s a Casual Life and then with his first full length feature, the Hollywood funded Green Street starring Elijah Wood. Following its release in September 2005, the film won numerous awards including:
Narrative Jury Prize - SXSW Film Festival
Narrative Feature Audience - SXSW Film Festival
Best of Festival – Malibu Film Festival
Jury Award (feature) – Malibu Film Festival
Official Selection – Tribeca Film Festival
May 2014 saw the release of his second feature, an adaptation of his own novel, Top Dog. Directed by Martin Kemp (The Krays, Eastenders) the film took the Best Feature award at the British Independent Film Festival as well as the Best Actor (Leo Gregory), Best Supporting Actor (Ricci Harnett) and Best Supporting Actress (Lorraine Stanley) awards. It has also been nominated in the Best Action Film category at the National Film Awards 2015.
A third feature, the urban revenge thriller, We Still Kill The Old Way (starring Ian Ogilvy, James Cosmo, Steven Berkhoff and Danni Dyer) was released on 16th December 2014. It has been nominated in numerous categories, including Best Action Film at the 2015 Action Elite Awards.
Other film projects in development include adaptations of his comedy novels Wings of a Sparrow and Billy’s Log, Mister One Hundred (a biography of Welsh darts legend Leighton Rees), Boots on the Ground (a drama about a British soldier injured in Afghanistan) and Three Greens (a modern day reworking of the classic movie The League of Gentlemen).
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
April 4, 2015
While this book will not sit well with the habitually offended feminists, I LOVED it! Billy's log gives an insight in to the male thought process that is wholly believable as he journey's from a life as a boob-obsessed singleton to a fully functioning partner. Also lived the dynamic between Billy and the other women in his life; his mate Liz and boss Julia. With some cringeworthy moments and laugh out loud lines, this is definitely a must read for all women looking to understand how (some?) men really think!I
June 9, 2013
Billy Ellis is on the brink of turning thirty and he's usually the fall guy for all his mate and work colleagues pranks.
Billy is so unlucky in love that even his own father is seeing more action in the bedroom that poor Billy.
Billy Log is a diary of Billy's milestone year that will make you cry with laughter as billy struggle with the workings of the female mind and let's face it we can all relate to that!
Billy is so unlucky in love that even his own father is seeing more action in the bedroom that poor Billy.
Billy Log is a diary of Billy's milestone year that will make you cry with laughter as billy struggle with the workings of the female mind and let's face it we can all relate to that!
September 10, 2013
Women should read this book, Billy's Log if they want to know how a man thinks! The subtitle is, The hilarious diary of one man's struggle with life, lager and the female race, and the story about Billy is very descriptive, funny and at times adventurous. I really enjoyed the British writing style of author Dougie Brimson.
Ladies, be prepared to enter Billy's way of thinking and the anticipation of what he is going to do on a daily basis.
Ladies, be prepared to enter Billy's way of thinking and the anticipation of what he is going to do on a daily basis.
May 22, 2019
I’m only halfway through Billy’s Log and I just have to write a review. I’m aware that’s a bit arbitrary because for all I know the main characters could end up being abducted by aliens and spend the last half of the book being subjected to anal probing, but I doubt it. No, I have to write this review for three reasons;
1) I am totally in love with Liz
2) I fancy Sue something rotten
3) I know exactly who, if they ever decide to make Billy’s Log into a film, should play the main characters.
Without a shadow of a doubt Julia must be played by Polly Walker. I’m also starting to fancy Julia quite a bit now that I’ve got Polly in mind when reading about her. Liz must be played by boxing presenter, Anna Woolhouse. And Sue must be played by my old boss, Joan Nelson, from when I was selling Timeshare. We all fancied Joan. A lightly-tanned fortyish beauty, in other words older than most of us at the time, she had great legs and a terrific cleavage. A REALLY terrific cleavage! Who wouldn’t fancy Joan Nelson?
But here’s the thing, I’m halfway through the book and I desperately want Billy and Liz to get together and become an item. They’re best mates, trust each other with their secrets, go to each other for advice, get drunk together, prefer each other’s company, so why shouldn’t they sleep together!
My opinion, if anybody cares to hear it, is that if you ever wake up in the morning to find you’ve sh*gged your best mate, that’s no reason why you shouldn’t sh*g her one more time before climbing out of bed.
But apart from the birds he fancies (unsuccessfully) what makes Billy’s Log so appealing? I think it’s his candor. Billy decides to rate birds from ‘Obviously out of Reach’ through ‘Plump but still Quite Fit’ to ‘Geezer Bird’ and, I think, ‘Northern Slappers.’ I once did the same thing, generating a MILF table, strangely enough starting with ‘Completely out of Reach MILF’ through ‘Perfume Counter’ MILF to ‘Chip Shop MILF’ to ‘P*ssed up Council Estate MILF,’ and I now suspect that perhaps all males do the same thing.
This, of course, will irritate those ‘Hate Men’ type birds who dump all males in the same box, and maybe they’re right. My wife once showed me a picture of all her friends from work who she’d gone out with the previous night, and, of course, I couldn’t care less, but I was interested to see if any of them had big boobs. Billy Ellis would be exactly the same. Billy talks openly about the opposite sex and how unjustly they treat men, blaming men for everything that’s gone wrong in their lives, comparing their sex lives with their girly mates’ boyfriends, and hating men for talking about their own sex lives. Billy isn’t slow to note the irony here.
I’ve met women who hate the fact that American women are much better lovers than English women, yet openly discuss how French men are better lovers than English men …. Even though they’ve never slept with a French man.
This is a funny, funny book to read because not only does poor old Billy fail miserably in attempting to understand the female of the species, but he has to continuously put up with his mates constantly taking the Mickey and his football team, Watford FC, constantly losing, and come to think of it being benched every Sunday morning and forced to run the line because he’s just about as good at football as he is at pulling birds.
Highly recommended!
And I’m still only half way through!
1) I am totally in love with Liz
2) I fancy Sue something rotten
3) I know exactly who, if they ever decide to make Billy’s Log into a film, should play the main characters.
Without a shadow of a doubt Julia must be played by Polly Walker. I’m also starting to fancy Julia quite a bit now that I’ve got Polly in mind when reading about her. Liz must be played by boxing presenter, Anna Woolhouse. And Sue must be played by my old boss, Joan Nelson, from when I was selling Timeshare. We all fancied Joan. A lightly-tanned fortyish beauty, in other words older than most of us at the time, she had great legs and a terrific cleavage. A REALLY terrific cleavage! Who wouldn’t fancy Joan Nelson?
But here’s the thing, I’m halfway through the book and I desperately want Billy and Liz to get together and become an item. They’re best mates, trust each other with their secrets, go to each other for advice, get drunk together, prefer each other’s company, so why shouldn’t they sleep together!
My opinion, if anybody cares to hear it, is that if you ever wake up in the morning to find you’ve sh*gged your best mate, that’s no reason why you shouldn’t sh*g her one more time before climbing out of bed.
But apart from the birds he fancies (unsuccessfully) what makes Billy’s Log so appealing? I think it’s his candor. Billy decides to rate birds from ‘Obviously out of Reach’ through ‘Plump but still Quite Fit’ to ‘Geezer Bird’ and, I think, ‘Northern Slappers.’ I once did the same thing, generating a MILF table, strangely enough starting with ‘Completely out of Reach MILF’ through ‘Perfume Counter’ MILF to ‘Chip Shop MILF’ to ‘P*ssed up Council Estate MILF,’ and I now suspect that perhaps all males do the same thing.
This, of course, will irritate those ‘Hate Men’ type birds who dump all males in the same box, and maybe they’re right. My wife once showed me a picture of all her friends from work who she’d gone out with the previous night, and, of course, I couldn’t care less, but I was interested to see if any of them had big boobs. Billy Ellis would be exactly the same. Billy talks openly about the opposite sex and how unjustly they treat men, blaming men for everything that’s gone wrong in their lives, comparing their sex lives with their girly mates’ boyfriends, and hating men for talking about their own sex lives. Billy isn’t slow to note the irony here.
I’ve met women who hate the fact that American women are much better lovers than English women, yet openly discuss how French men are better lovers than English men …. Even though they’ve never slept with a French man.
This is a funny, funny book to read because not only does poor old Billy fail miserably in attempting to understand the female of the species, but he has to continuously put up with his mates constantly taking the Mickey and his football team, Watford FC, constantly losing, and come to think of it being benched every Sunday morning and forced to run the line because he’s just about as good at football as he is at pulling birds.
Highly recommended!
And I’m still only half way through!
September 9, 2020
Good read but should of checked spelling and grammar
It drags at first and I nearly gave up on it but it got going and became to having a good understanding about Billy. I lived in my own for a long time before I got married so I could relate to a lot of his character. There was some poor spelling mistakes but don't let that put you off.
It drags at first and I nearly gave up on it but it got going and became to having a good understanding about Billy. I lived in my own for a long time before I got married so I could relate to a lot of his character. There was some poor spelling mistakes but don't let that put you off.
August 15, 2017
Very different book to what I'd normally read but I loved it
I've read a few Dougie Brimson books before but this is very different. I loved the fact this was in a diary format, it made it very easy to read. The story was great and was laugh-out-loud in parts. As a female reading it, it was interesting to get a bloke's perspective on women. I'm looking forward to reading Billy's Blog
I've read a few Dougie Brimson books before but this is very different. I loved the fact this was in a diary format, it made it very easy to read. The story was great and was laugh-out-loud in parts. As a female reading it, it was interesting to get a bloke's perspective on women. I'm looking forward to reading Billy's Blog
June 29, 2013
Look into the mind of a man looking for love. The males version if Bridget Jones. Funny read
July 20, 2020
Entertaining
November 20, 2020
If you are a woman, who is a feminist or cannot laugh at men, even shovanist, don't read this book.
This book is funny and I did find myself while reading spitting out drink with laughter and then re reading again.
This is recommended for you to read
This book is funny and I did find myself while reading spitting out drink with laughter and then re reading again.
This is recommended for you to read
September 27, 2021
Definitely a must read
A quite brilliant read. Actually laughed out loud on many occasions .a great insight into human behaviour. Actually didn't want it to end. Luckily mr Brimson has quite a few other books to his name !!
A quite brilliant read. Actually laughed out loud on many occasions .a great insight into human behaviour. Actually didn't want it to end. Luckily mr Brimson has quite a few other books to his name !!
March 4, 2021
This book was hilarious, it was really interesting to read things from a man's point of view.
June 28, 2021
хилариос май эсс
Read
August 22, 2014I'm not giving this a rating because I think it is unfair to do so after having read 16% of. I usually really like books like this one, and it's summer, and sunny, and this should be a perfect read for right now. It was funny, and light, and yet after 16% I have a feeling I know the book, and even though I don't know whether Billy will get a girl or not, whether he'll be the same in the end as he was in the beginning or a totally different person, I just don't care enough to find out. The first couple of chapters all felt the same, and I just don't want to invest more time in reading on.
May 1, 2020
Una pessima copia del Diario di Bridget.
L'ho trovato noioso, non è scritto male ma non è riuscito a colpirmi. A metà libro ero indecisa se continuare e con questo ho detto tutto.
opinione scritta il 04\04\14
L'ho trovato noioso, non è scritto male ma non è riuscito a colpirmi. A metà libro ero indecisa se continuare e con questo ho detto tutto.
opinione scritta il 04\04\14
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews