What do you think?
Rate this book
First Ask Why: Raising Kids to Love God Through Intentional Discipleship
Parenting is tricky business and most Christian parents are committed to doing it right. So they turn to others for guidance. And there is no end of help out there--from foolproof programs to guaranteed strategies, all designed to produce perfect kids. Except . . . parenting that focuses on how to raise kids to behave according to someone else's expectations will never succeed.
Our first step must be to ask why instead of how.
It is not the how-tos of parenting that will accomplish what we're hoping; it's intentional discipleship. When we concentrate on shepherding our children's hearts instead of managing their behaviors, the result is a child who knows Christ intimately, loves him deeply, and has a heart to serve him fully.
192 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2018
25 people are currently reading
199 people want to read
About the author
Shelly Wildman
4 books27 followersShelly Wildman is an author, speaker, and former writing professor who is passionate about raising the next generation for Christ. She speaks frequently to women’s groups and spends much of her free time mentoring young women. Shelly has contributed to A Moment to Breathe by (in)Courage, Dating During the Apocalypse by CruPress, and The Wonder Years: 40 Women Over 40 on Aging, Faith, Beauty, and Strength by Leslie Leyland Fields.
Shelly holds degrees from Wheaton College (BA) and University of Illinois at Chicago (MA), but her most important life’s work has been raising her three daughters. Shelly has been married to her college sweetheart, Brian, for 32 years. Connect with Shelly online at www.shellywildman.com.
Shelly holds degrees from Wheaton College (BA) and University of Illinois at Chicago (MA), but her most important life’s work has been raising her three daughters. Shelly has been married to her college sweetheart, Brian, for 32 years. Connect with Shelly online at www.shellywildman.com.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
March 18, 2021
I would recommend this book to any parents looking for practical ways to disciple their children to follow after God. She gives realistic ways to train your children over a wide range of seasons and situations.
February 12, 2019
Wise advice for those who feel overwhelmed with intentional parenting
I don’t know about you but intentionality feels like another thing on the to-do list. I want to be intentional on bringing my kids to God and him into every aspect of their lives but it seems overwhelming. Wildman takes that feeling out of intentionality with her tips and easily adaptable questions to consider in this book. She doesn’t just give direction (as in more things to do) but gives wise advice and probing questions that any family can implement. I highly recommend and will be using with my two children as they grow!
I don’t know about you but intentionality feels like another thing on the to-do list. I want to be intentional on bringing my kids to God and him into every aspect of their lives but it seems overwhelming. Wildman takes that feeling out of intentionality with her tips and easily adaptable questions to consider in this book. She doesn’t just give direction (as in more things to do) but gives wise advice and probing questions that any family can implement. I highly recommend and will be using with my two children as they grow!
November 4, 2018
*This is a review copy from the publisher. No review, positive or otherwise, was required—all opinions are my own.*
April 18, 2018
When it comes to parenting books, there are a lot of authors offering formulaic methodologies that promise quick fixes. What I loved so much about First Ask Why is the big picture message: asking why instead of how. "You see, when we focused on how to parent, we were more worried about external results than internal change. We just wanted kids who behaved the way we thought others expected our kids to behave, instead of wanting to capture their hearts for Jesus. When we started asking why, our purpose became clear-we are called to be parents who raise children who know and love Jesus, who love others, and who will make a difference in the world for Christ."
This book isn't about managing behaviors but helping form our children's hearts. There are chapters about discipleship and prayer, learning to worship together as a family, the importance of teaching kids to be truth tellers, doing acts of service, tithing, intentional cultural awareness and teaching kindness. The author's tone is casual and relatable as she encourages parents towards the long walk toward trust when we have to release our kids into the world.
As a mom of little kids, I soaked up the wisdom and encouragement in First Ask Why. Highly recommend to all Christian parents!
This book isn't about managing behaviors but helping form our children's hearts. There are chapters about discipleship and prayer, learning to worship together as a family, the importance of teaching kids to be truth tellers, doing acts of service, tithing, intentional cultural awareness and teaching kindness. The author's tone is casual and relatable as she encourages parents towards the long walk toward trust when we have to release our kids into the world.
As a mom of little kids, I soaked up the wisdom and encouragement in First Ask Why. Highly recommend to all Christian parents!
March 18, 2018
A great read for anyone with children in their lives. Amazing to read this book and be reminded how other people have struggled with making the right decisions with parenting. As parents and grandparents, we only want the best for our children and grandchildren. We must lead by example in following God's message. We must be intentional in our actions, words and most definitely our prayers. This is a great book to refer to over and over. Excellent resource. I received a copy of this book from the author and this is my personal honest opinion. No review was required.
September 6, 2018
Shelly writes in a conversational manner, which makes for an easy, enjoyable read. This book is great for vision-casting while also offering practical advice. I highly recommend this to parents or those who hope to parent.
July 3, 2020
A practical book on discipline children. It’s rooted in Bible principles and provides clear correlation to passages in the Bible. Highly enjoyed the genuine and at time vulnerable story-telling approach to showing that only God’s grace can help you be a good parent.
May 1, 2018
Years ago, when my family lived in Wheaton, Illinois, we were a part of a small group in our church which was made up of about half a dozen couples with a whole slew of small children. Three of those children were ours. During the years we were a part of that small group, we had a myriad of different babysitters. The best ones, though, by a landslide, were the three Wildman girls. Kate and Caroline watched our kids and then when Kate went off to college, the youngest sister Julia took her place. These girls were something else. They were responsible and thoughtful. They looked you in the eye when they talked to you and managed to control more than a dozen kids with the ease of experienced, wizened teachers. They seemed to have made their faith their own and were growing into beautiful mature young women.
I said to my husband, on more than one occasion, “I sure would love to pick Shelly Wildman’s brain about parenting”. I never did get up the nerve to ask her. Then I discovered she had a book coming out this year! I anxiously counted down the days to the amazon release date. And I was not disappointed.
Wildman writes a beautiful book on how to be introspective as we walk the road of parenting our children with the desire to see them put Christ at the center of their lives. She offers up plenty of Scripture to help make sense of this role, and she shares her own personal experiences. This is never a book with a “method” to make your children be good or love Jesus. It even says that raising “good” children should never be our goal.
The chapters are encouraging with some practical advice as well as reminders to look to Scripture and be on our knees. Wildman’s concluding chapter is all about letting go of our kids and it is timely and necessary.
I said to my husband, on more than one occasion, “I sure would love to pick Shelly Wildman’s brain about parenting”. I never did get up the nerve to ask her. Then I discovered she had a book coming out this year! I anxiously counted down the days to the amazon release date. And I was not disappointed.
Wildman writes a beautiful book on how to be introspective as we walk the road of parenting our children with the desire to see them put Christ at the center of their lives. She offers up plenty of Scripture to help make sense of this role, and she shares her own personal experiences. This is never a book with a “method” to make your children be good or love Jesus. It even says that raising “good” children should never be our goal.
The chapters are encouraging with some practical advice as well as reminders to look to Scripture and be on our knees. Wildman’s concluding chapter is all about letting go of our kids and it is timely and necessary.
April 24, 2018
Intentional Parenting with a Vision for Your Family
Consider is a word that pops up all over the place in Scripture, and was even on the lips of Jesus as he invited a crowd gathered on a hillside to “consider the lilies of the field.” For most of us, there’s hardly an area of our lives that would not profit from a dose of thoughtful introspection and a few probing questions aimed at the dead-center of our motives and the purpose behind our practices. In First Ask Why: Raising Kids to Love God Through Intentional Discipleship, Shelly Hunt Wildman turns a laser focus onto the subject of parenting, inviting her readers into an intentional practice of envisioning the kind of family we want and then, by God’s grace, doing what needs to be done to make that vision become a reality.
Fortunately, Shelly is writing from a place of self-awareness that prevents her from sounding off as a “parenting expert.” With honesty about her own shortcomings and failures, she shares her own goal of greater mindfulness with the voice of a fellow-traveler on this bumpy road of parenting.
When we begin asking why, we open ourselves up to a consideration of the purpose behind all the things we do as believing mums and dads. If leaving a Christ-following legacy is at the top of your parental do-list, your family becomes a unique training ground where you and your children together lean in to the demands that are placed upon our lives by the gospel, all the while trusting in the promises for their glorious fulfillment.
Our Charge
“Setting a vision for our family can help us become more intentional about family life.” (Loc 172)
Family devotions in the Morin compound have always been a rowdy affair, and at times it was not obvious that anything spiritual or even educational was happening. There was the howling St. Bernard whenever we sang hymns; there was the odd question posed, now and again, for the sheer joy of derailing our train of thought; oh, and then there was the time the napkin caught fire. And yet, we persevered because, like the Wildmans, we believed, fiercely, that “parents are and should be the primary influence in the lives of their children.” (Loc 243)
Frist Ask Why
However, discipleship that sticks around the dining room table and never finds its way out into the great wide world of practical application is not in keeping with the principles of Deuteronomy 6 which describe a discipleship that happens all day long–a sitting, walking, rising, and lying down learning that takes different forms and looks different in every family.
If our goal is to develop a resilient faith, every thing we do must point our children toward a meaningful and lively relationship with Christ. In doing so, we help them to fulfill their ultimate purpose: to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.
Our Challenge
“Heart work isn’t easy, but it sets the course of [our children’s] lives.” (Loc 175)
Therefore, the goal of parental discipline–or, we could say, the why of discipline– is to develop self-discipline or the freedom of self-control in our children at an early age. With this in mind, discipline becomes “training rather than punishment.” (Loc 593)
This mindset requires a marathon mentality, for we’re not simply in the business of extinguishing annoying or inconvenient behaviors. Instead, the goal is to instill a strong foundation of spiritual disciplines (prayer, Scripture reading, service, giving, worship) that are owned by our children as part of that growing relationship with God. The sooner we can duck out of the position as “middle man” in our children’s spiritual growth, the better.
Our Compassion
“As our kids’ love for God grows, so should their love for others.” (Loc 183)
This love will show up in obedience to God and will be evident in our child’s truthfulness, kindness, willingness to serve, and in their stewardship of gifts and possessions.
While integrity is an intangible concept, Shelly’s shared experiences and application put flesh on the bones for parents who need to become role models of truthfulness themselves and who are unclear about the difference between “being nice” and true biblical kindness. After all, there’s a good reason why the word service (or serve) is used over 400 times in the Bible.
Our Contribution
“Strong families can bless this world, and in so doing, bring glory to God.” (Loc 183)
When our crew gathers, the in-jokes fly so fast that at times I wish for sub-titles in order to keep up with the conversational flow. (And I have an inkling that maybe my obtuseness has become one of the in-jokes . . .) Family traditions and shared memories are strong cords that strengthen family ties and the sense of belonging. Road trips, crazy scavenger hunts and elaborately themed birthday parties, beach days, and big, rowdy gatherings around a loaded table are some of the experiences that have shaped our family’s culture and identity.
Having said that, part of our job as parents is also to reinforce the value of diversity, “recognizing that cultural differences between people exist without assigning them a value–positive or negative, better or worse, right or wrong.” Children with strong roots are free to explore other cultures and to step outside their comfort zone through travel, diverse reading and viewing options, and openness to friendships with people of various cultural backgrounds.
Ambassadorial Work
The parenting journey is a mission with the goal of connecting our children with Jesus. Paul Tripp refers to it as “ambassadorial work from beginning to end. . . [P]arenting is not first about what we want for our children or from our children, but about what God in grace has planned to do through us in our children.” And so, we do our best work when we intentionally seize every opportunity to turn their thoughts (and our own) toward Him.
First Ask Why is not a do-list to stimulate parental guilt. It is an invitation to consider the uniqueness of each child, who they are becoming, and how they can best fit into the plan of God. As we ask ourselves the all-important why questions about our parenting practices, and as we consider the growing and the learning and the letting go of the parenting journey, let us first consider Jesus, for He alone can enable us to make our parenting vision a reality.
Many thanks to the author for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which, of course, is offered freely and with honesty.
Consider is a word that pops up all over the place in Scripture, and was even on the lips of Jesus as he invited a crowd gathered on a hillside to “consider the lilies of the field.” For most of us, there’s hardly an area of our lives that would not profit from a dose of thoughtful introspection and a few probing questions aimed at the dead-center of our motives and the purpose behind our practices. In First Ask Why: Raising Kids to Love God Through Intentional Discipleship, Shelly Hunt Wildman turns a laser focus onto the subject of parenting, inviting her readers into an intentional practice of envisioning the kind of family we want and then, by God’s grace, doing what needs to be done to make that vision become a reality.
Fortunately, Shelly is writing from a place of self-awareness that prevents her from sounding off as a “parenting expert.” With honesty about her own shortcomings and failures, she shares her own goal of greater mindfulness with the voice of a fellow-traveler on this bumpy road of parenting.
When we begin asking why, we open ourselves up to a consideration of the purpose behind all the things we do as believing mums and dads. If leaving a Christ-following legacy is at the top of your parental do-list, your family becomes a unique training ground where you and your children together lean in to the demands that are placed upon our lives by the gospel, all the while trusting in the promises for their glorious fulfillment.
Our Charge
“Setting a vision for our family can help us become more intentional about family life.” (Loc 172)
Family devotions in the Morin compound have always been a rowdy affair, and at times it was not obvious that anything spiritual or even educational was happening. There was the howling St. Bernard whenever we sang hymns; there was the odd question posed, now and again, for the sheer joy of derailing our train of thought; oh, and then there was the time the napkin caught fire. And yet, we persevered because, like the Wildmans, we believed, fiercely, that “parents are and should be the primary influence in the lives of their children.” (Loc 243)
Frist Ask Why
However, discipleship that sticks around the dining room table and never finds its way out into the great wide world of practical application is not in keeping with the principles of Deuteronomy 6 which describe a discipleship that happens all day long–a sitting, walking, rising, and lying down learning that takes different forms and looks different in every family.
If our goal is to develop a resilient faith, every thing we do must point our children toward a meaningful and lively relationship with Christ. In doing so, we help them to fulfill their ultimate purpose: to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.
Our Challenge
“Heart work isn’t easy, but it sets the course of [our children’s] lives.” (Loc 175)
Therefore, the goal of parental discipline–or, we could say, the why of discipline– is to develop self-discipline or the freedom of self-control in our children at an early age. With this in mind, discipline becomes “training rather than punishment.” (Loc 593)
This mindset requires a marathon mentality, for we’re not simply in the business of extinguishing annoying or inconvenient behaviors. Instead, the goal is to instill a strong foundation of spiritual disciplines (prayer, Scripture reading, service, giving, worship) that are owned by our children as part of that growing relationship with God. The sooner we can duck out of the position as “middle man” in our children’s spiritual growth, the better.
Our Compassion
“As our kids’ love for God grows, so should their love for others.” (Loc 183)
This love will show up in obedience to God and will be evident in our child’s truthfulness, kindness, willingness to serve, and in their stewardship of gifts and possessions.
While integrity is an intangible concept, Shelly’s shared experiences and application put flesh on the bones for parents who need to become role models of truthfulness themselves and who are unclear about the difference between “being nice” and true biblical kindness. After all, there’s a good reason why the word service (or serve) is used over 400 times in the Bible.
Our Contribution
“Strong families can bless this world, and in so doing, bring glory to God.” (Loc 183)
When our crew gathers, the in-jokes fly so fast that at times I wish for sub-titles in order to keep up with the conversational flow. (And I have an inkling that maybe my obtuseness has become one of the in-jokes . . .) Family traditions and shared memories are strong cords that strengthen family ties and the sense of belonging. Road trips, crazy scavenger hunts and elaborately themed birthday parties, beach days, and big, rowdy gatherings around a loaded table are some of the experiences that have shaped our family’s culture and identity.
Having said that, part of our job as parents is also to reinforce the value of diversity, “recognizing that cultural differences between people exist without assigning them a value–positive or negative, better or worse, right or wrong.” Children with strong roots are free to explore other cultures and to step outside their comfort zone through travel, diverse reading and viewing options, and openness to friendships with people of various cultural backgrounds.
Ambassadorial Work
The parenting journey is a mission with the goal of connecting our children with Jesus. Paul Tripp refers to it as “ambassadorial work from beginning to end. . . [P]arenting is not first about what we want for our children or from our children, but about what God in grace has planned to do through us in our children.” And so, we do our best work when we intentionally seize every opportunity to turn their thoughts (and our own) toward Him.
First Ask Why is not a do-list to stimulate parental guilt. It is an invitation to consider the uniqueness of each child, who they are becoming, and how they can best fit into the plan of God. As we ask ourselves the all-important why questions about our parenting practices, and as we consider the growing and the learning and the letting go of the parenting journey, let us first consider Jesus, for He alone can enable us to make our parenting vision a reality.
Many thanks to the author for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which, of course, is offered freely and with honesty.
April 25, 2018
On April 11, 2018, as a member of hope*writers, I came across a post in which First Ask Why: Raising Kids to Love God through Intentional Discipleship author, Shelly Hunt Wildman, was introducing herself to the writers' forum. Reading her post, the name of the book alone felt like an answer to a prayer I'd been praying at least since late February, when I'd felt compelled to write a letter to school about bullying.
Every relationship, I'm learning changes - like a butterfly out of its cocoon. With children, as your feelings for and interaction with them become closer and more beautiful; it also becomes more complex. And complexity...is good and bad. Put another way, kids grow up...and away. They have words and want independence, but they carry the new weight of life and awareness on young foal's or filly's shaky legs.
As a parent, I found myself wishing we could pretend - that what I was finding out hadn't really happened... It would have been nice to pretend it wasn't my job to step in and have something wise to say. I was terrified, because my kids were trusting us, trust ME - trusting MOM to handle their revelations. Somehow...
I've told friends: Though I'd grown distant from things we all associate with God - distant from church, and all that that entails; distant from books by my favorite Bible teachers; and, even my Bible - God plugged me back in, just in time! It was one of the few times since our latest church membership was withdrawn (Yes, our membership was cancelled) that I attended a church service.
It was not MY kind of church. It was pop cultural and relevant and good at sermons people can relate to - with great media and analogies that help attendees think about if they do or, how they can "measure up" to a more godly standard. But God was there, too, and I got sucked into a Bible app plan, which got me reading the Bible again. Every day... It was like me rolling onto my left side at night, after laying on my back, 22 weeks into pregnancy. In other words, I could breathe again.
I once again remembered things vital - about God, about me. I went from grayed-out to my colorful new creation self.
And not a minute too soon.
I don't know how I'd do it - counsel my kids and have a strategy for talking with them - if I wasn't deeply studying or, at least READING the Bible every day. It is food. It is wisdom. God the Holy Spirit uses it to teach us and remind us of all truth.
That doesn't mean it isn't really hard or, that I don't feel like this season of motherhood won't drown me if I'm not on my guard. You don't understand what you're signing up for when God rewards you with children - the great burden of training and loving them through darkness within and without.
When I saw Shelly Hunt Wildman's First Ask Why: Raising Kids to Love God through Intentional Discipleship, I knew God was directing more wisdom my way. Based on the interest I expressed, Wildman provided me with a net galley for review on April 11, 2018. On April 15, 2018, I finished.
I have a boy and girls (11, 9, 6.5, and a girl due on August 16, 2018), and right away, I started to see why the book is called First Ask Why as I got insight into the mom who wrote it: Parenting is a strengths-based approach to training the children God has given us. Wildman's approach is, "intentional."
Intentional Parenting looks a certain way when used. It seeks to instill something into children. It's forward-thinking and futuristic, seeing the end from the beginning and relying on God to bridge the gap.
Intention is planning. It's forethought. It isn't, however, perfection. Perfection isn't even the goal. Intentional Parenting is NOT simply following a parental checklist. Intention asks, Why? Intentional Parenting helps hold children's worlds together in a way that makes sense, instead of giving them a set of rules to follow. Intentional Parenting helps parents train their children to have judgment.
Intentional Parents - Disciplers - are learning, too. Like my six year old said to me one morning: "I ask you Why? because I want to learn." I can't always answer the questions, but I love that my kids are thinking, trying to piece together their world. In the same way, Intentional Parents are trying to piece together their strategy - choosing what to do, what activities to participate in, what spiritual values to emphasize, etc..
Intentional Parenting is Why Parenting, not How Parenting; the difference is FOCUS. Focus on the reason for everything being done as a parent being, in the case of First Ask Why, "capturing their hearts for Jesus" - versus getting them to act like this or that. First Ask Why is for parents who have a vision of and reason behind who they want their children to be. The book addresses readers about how to be Intentional Parent Disciplers and helps them think about how to "raise children who know and love Jesus, who love others, and who will make a difference in the world for Christ."
There are things I fundamentally disagree with author, Shelly Wildman about, and as a Christian, First Ask Why depresses me, frankly. With all due respect, I would not suggest the book for theological reasons - after delving into it. On my website, JAY JONES MOM-A-GRAM DOT COM SLASH WORDPRESS, you can read the Synopsis: Book Dissection detailing my complete and comprehensive thoughts on and critique of the book.
While I don't agree with everything in the book, First Ask Why is a great place to get ideas about teaching your children the value of and ways to be financial stewards of the resources God gives them. Additionally, I think Wildman is truly in her wheelhouse as she encourages moms and dads and guardians to trust God and to choose to open themselves to healthy steps along the journey toward our children's independence. First Ask Why draws a compelling picture of growing our children's freedom as we depend fully on God to do so.
NOTE: My Synopsis: Book Dissection on First Ask Why, detailing my complete and comprehensive thoughts on and critique of the book, is attached to the Reviews page as well as my two blog posts concerning the book.
Every relationship, I'm learning changes - like a butterfly out of its cocoon. With children, as your feelings for and interaction with them become closer and more beautiful; it also becomes more complex. And complexity...is good and bad. Put another way, kids grow up...and away. They have words and want independence, but they carry the new weight of life and awareness on young foal's or filly's shaky legs.
As a parent, I found myself wishing we could pretend - that what I was finding out hadn't really happened... It would have been nice to pretend it wasn't my job to step in and have something wise to say. I was terrified, because my kids were trusting us, trust ME - trusting MOM to handle their revelations. Somehow...
I've told friends: Though I'd grown distant from things we all associate with God - distant from church, and all that that entails; distant from books by my favorite Bible teachers; and, even my Bible - God plugged me back in, just in time! It was one of the few times since our latest church membership was withdrawn (Yes, our membership was cancelled) that I attended a church service.
It was not MY kind of church. It was pop cultural and relevant and good at sermons people can relate to - with great media and analogies that help attendees think about if they do or, how they can "measure up" to a more godly standard. But God was there, too, and I got sucked into a Bible app plan, which got me reading the Bible again. Every day... It was like me rolling onto my left side at night, after laying on my back, 22 weeks into pregnancy. In other words, I could breathe again.
I once again remembered things vital - about God, about me. I went from grayed-out to my colorful new creation self.
And not a minute too soon.
I don't know how I'd do it - counsel my kids and have a strategy for talking with them - if I wasn't deeply studying or, at least READING the Bible every day. It is food. It is wisdom. God the Holy Spirit uses it to teach us and remind us of all truth.
That doesn't mean it isn't really hard or, that I don't feel like this season of motherhood won't drown me if I'm not on my guard. You don't understand what you're signing up for when God rewards you with children - the great burden of training and loving them through darkness within and without.
When I saw Shelly Hunt Wildman's First Ask Why: Raising Kids to Love God through Intentional Discipleship, I knew God was directing more wisdom my way. Based on the interest I expressed, Wildman provided me with a net galley for review on April 11, 2018. On April 15, 2018, I finished.
I have a boy and girls (11, 9, 6.5, and a girl due on August 16, 2018), and right away, I started to see why the book is called First Ask Why as I got insight into the mom who wrote it: Parenting is a strengths-based approach to training the children God has given us. Wildman's approach is, "intentional."
Intentional Parenting looks a certain way when used. It seeks to instill something into children. It's forward-thinking and futuristic, seeing the end from the beginning and relying on God to bridge the gap.
Intention is planning. It's forethought. It isn't, however, perfection. Perfection isn't even the goal. Intentional Parenting is NOT simply following a parental checklist. Intention asks, Why? Intentional Parenting helps hold children's worlds together in a way that makes sense, instead of giving them a set of rules to follow. Intentional Parenting helps parents train their children to have judgment.
Intentional Parents - Disciplers - are learning, too. Like my six year old said to me one morning: "I ask you Why? because I want to learn." I can't always answer the questions, but I love that my kids are thinking, trying to piece together their world. In the same way, Intentional Parents are trying to piece together their strategy - choosing what to do, what activities to participate in, what spiritual values to emphasize, etc..
Intentional Parenting is Why Parenting, not How Parenting; the difference is FOCUS. Focus on the reason for everything being done as a parent being, in the case of First Ask Why, "capturing their hearts for Jesus" - versus getting them to act like this or that. First Ask Why is for parents who have a vision of and reason behind who they want their children to be. The book addresses readers about how to be Intentional Parent Disciplers and helps them think about how to "raise children who know and love Jesus, who love others, and who will make a difference in the world for Christ."
There are things I fundamentally disagree with author, Shelly Wildman about, and as a Christian, First Ask Why depresses me, frankly. With all due respect, I would not suggest the book for theological reasons - after delving into it. On my website, JAY JONES MOM-A-GRAM DOT COM SLASH WORDPRESS, you can read the Synopsis: Book Dissection detailing my complete and comprehensive thoughts on and critique of the book.
While I don't agree with everything in the book, First Ask Why is a great place to get ideas about teaching your children the value of and ways to be financial stewards of the resources God gives them. Additionally, I think Wildman is truly in her wheelhouse as she encourages moms and dads and guardians to trust God and to choose to open themselves to healthy steps along the journey toward our children's independence. First Ask Why draws a compelling picture of growing our children's freedom as we depend fully on God to do so.
NOTE: My Synopsis: Book Dissection on First Ask Why, detailing my complete and comprehensive thoughts on and critique of the book, is attached to the Reviews page as well as my two blog posts concerning the book.
April 24, 2018
This book deals with the “Why” approach instead of the “how to”. The author shares about raising children through intentional discipleship.
Shelly Wildman makes you stop and think about the reason behind why you parent the way you do.
What do you hope to accomplish in the end? What kind of person do you hope your child will become? Will they love Jesus well? Will they make a difference in this world for Jesus?
Those are the kinda of questions we are parents need to be asking ourselves...
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a role in the life of any child.
I wish I had been blessed with this tool 37 years ago.
I received an advanced copy and this is my objective review.
Shelly Wildman makes you stop and think about the reason behind why you parent the way you do.
What do you hope to accomplish in the end? What kind of person do you hope your child will become? Will they love Jesus well? Will they make a difference in this world for Jesus?
Those are the kinda of questions we are parents need to be asking ourselves...
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a role in the life of any child.
I wish I had been blessed with this tool 37 years ago.
I received an advanced copy and this is my objective review.
May 6, 2019
Really 4.5 stars! I’ve read a lot of book on Christian parenting and this has been one of my favorites. Shelly offers wisdom that is steeped in Scripture and with helpful practical steps to take and questions to ponder. Her advice never comes off as shaming of those who don’t agree or as a “must” but simply “this is what I’ve learned and this is what God has shown me” in a way that makes the hard work of intentional discipleship she is exhorting parents to look appealing and not daunting. I highly recommend this book to parents of children of all ages and stages!
April 30, 2018
Reading “First Ask Why” felt like cozying up on the couch of a gracious veteran mom to listen and learn. Wildman’s humility and honesty are a gift to her reader as she offers a framework for creating an intentional family culture drawing from her own parenting experience. I enjoyed this book, and found it to be helpful as my husband and I are at the outset of our parenting journey. I appreciated Wildman’s repeated refocusing on the truth of the gospel and the work of the spirit, as well as the need for each family to find what works for them when demonstrating and teaching biblical principles. Admittedly, this book was not what I though it would be. Especially since the book was advertised as more theoretical than practical, I expected a book on parenting as discipleship, outlining the importance of cultivating children’s understanding of the basics of the Christian life such as repentance, regard for God’s word, and community. The book however at times felt more focused on character and principles than a relationship with Jesus. I also worry that some portions of this book, such as the chapter on travel, are limited in relevance to upper middle class families. I did really appreciate the discussion questions at the close of each chapter, which emphasize that first and foremost, discipleship is about our own faithfulness and obedience. I am grateful to have received a copy of this book in exchange for writing this review. I am certainly glad that I read it and value Wildman’s suggestions for creating and implementing an intentional family culture rooted in pronciples from God’s word.
April 23, 2018
What a powerful book for parents! I love the biblical approach that Shelly Wildman has and the thoughtful, organized, humble way she approaches parenting and teaching. Wildman says that parenting, for Christian parents, is really discipleship. For me, it is so helpful to focus on that particular definition of parenting.
"Why?" was always my favorite question when I was young. And it is still one of my favorite questions today. I want to know the importance behind why we do certain things. I don't want to waste my time on wearing myself out if there is no compelling reason.
I appreciate Wildman's experience. She has three grown daughters. I still have two children at home, a 16 year old son and an 11 year old daughter. It is such a blessing to get to read the thoughts, struggles, suggestions, and ideas of a godly woman who has been all the way down this road already.
I especially loved the chapter on teaching our children to handle money wisely and the one about letting go of our children. Wildman's own history and stories added some seriously powerful impact to the biblical concepts she shares.
I would highly recommend this book to parents. In fact, it would be a great one to read before reading other parenting books because this book helps us put all of parenting in proper perspective.
"Why?" was always my favorite question when I was young. And it is still one of my favorite questions today. I want to know the importance behind why we do certain things. I don't want to waste my time on wearing myself out if there is no compelling reason.
I appreciate Wildman's experience. She has three grown daughters. I still have two children at home, a 16 year old son and an 11 year old daughter. It is such a blessing to get to read the thoughts, struggles, suggestions, and ideas of a godly woman who has been all the way down this road already.
I especially loved the chapter on teaching our children to handle money wisely and the one about letting go of our children. Wildman's own history and stories added some seriously powerful impact to the biblical concepts she shares.
I would highly recommend this book to parents. In fact, it would be a great one to read before reading other parenting books because this book helps us put all of parenting in proper perspective.
April 28, 2018
A Deeply Convicting Book Written Out of Deep Conviction
What I most appreciate about First Ask Why is the author's obvious love for the Gospel and her conviction that parents need to be active in discipling their children toward a love-filled, faith-filled adulthood. This urgent conviction comes through with warmth, humor and self-deprecation in every chapter.
Unlike other parenting books that offer prescriptive how-to's, First Ask Why challenges parents to examine the motives behind what they do. And Wildman invites readers to look at specific areas (such as worship, prayer, stewardship and service) where intentionality matters most. In doing so, I found myself convicted of areas where I needed to make changes in my own life in order to parent better.
Even though I am well into parenthood (my children are 14, 17 & 19), I still find this to be a valuable resource that has me eager to look at ways I can adjust and improve my (intentional) parenting.
While I received a complimentary e-book copy to review, I purchased the paperback because I feel that strongly about rereading and continuing to apply what I have learned from First Ask Why.
What I most appreciate about First Ask Why is the author's obvious love for the Gospel and her conviction that parents need to be active in discipling their children toward a love-filled, faith-filled adulthood. This urgent conviction comes through with warmth, humor and self-deprecation in every chapter.
Unlike other parenting books that offer prescriptive how-to's, First Ask Why challenges parents to examine the motives behind what they do. And Wildman invites readers to look at specific areas (such as worship, prayer, stewardship and service) where intentionality matters most. In doing so, I found myself convicted of areas where I needed to make changes in my own life in order to parent better.
Even though I am well into parenthood (my children are 14, 17 & 19), I still find this to be a valuable resource that has me eager to look at ways I can adjust and improve my (intentional) parenting.
While I received a complimentary e-book copy to review, I purchased the paperback because I feel that strongly about rereading and continuing to apply what I have learned from First Ask Why.
May 9, 2018
Shelly Wildman's debut book beautifully encapsulates a lifetime of learning. As a minister's wife and a mother of three, I have often been surprised by the seemingly haphazard way many parents approach the spiritual formation of their children. Often, families have abdicated this important role to the church because they are overwhelmed by the prospect.
Those who want to learn are often faced with books with great theoretical ideas but lack practical application. First Ask Why is an excellent book because it is accessible to any reader and gives realistic goals that any parent can get behind.
Wildman makes it clear that parenting perfection isn't the goal--the goal instead is to intentionally teach our kids truth. I cannot recommend this book enough!
Those who want to learn are often faced with books with great theoretical ideas but lack practical application. First Ask Why is an excellent book because it is accessible to any reader and gives realistic goals that any parent can get behind.
Wildman makes it clear that parenting perfection isn't the goal--the goal instead is to intentionally teach our kids truth. I cannot recommend this book enough!
April 24, 2018
I’m so grateful for a Christian parenting book written by a woman who has raised children to adulthood who know and follow Jesus. Shelly writes with humility and credibility that made me want to learn from her. I loved her approach – to not get into the nitty gritty of what to do in parenting our children but rather to take a step back and ask why. And yet, even in doing that, she doesn’t neglect to share some of the what and how that we all want to know. She left me with good principles to ponder and some tangible steps forward.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher; this review is my own.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher; this review is my own.
April 24, 2018
This is a parenting book that is purposeful and guilt-free. Struggle with family devotions? With doing consistent Christian practices as a family? Us too. But, according to Wildman, that doesn't keep us from being able to parent with love, intention, and joy. First Ask Why is a fantastic book. It is a clear, helpful guide for parents who are seeking to lead their children toward faith in Christ with winsome stories and timeless truths. Highly recommended.
Disclosure with an important note: I was given a copy of this book by the publisher for review, but it was so good that I purchased a copy to give as a gift because didn't want to give my own copy away!
Disclosure with an important note: I was given a copy of this book by the publisher for review, but it was so good that I purchased a copy to give as a gift because didn't want to give my own copy away!
October 23, 2022
This was a good book on intentional parenting/discipleship of our children.
I honestly have four stars for two reasons: it held a lot of wisdom but it wasn't one that I just really wanted to pick up (it took some work to get through), and in her chapter on cultural awareness, the author did not take into account that not everyone has the privilege of travel (although she did say it took sacrifice of money to travel, but many are just making ends meet so that's not an option). There must be other ways to encourage cultural awareness when we don't live near diversity and cannot afford to be globe-trotters.
I honestly have four stars for two reasons: it held a lot of wisdom but it wasn't one that I just really wanted to pick up (it took some work to get through), and in her chapter on cultural awareness, the author did not take into account that not everyone has the privilege of travel (although she did say it took sacrifice of money to travel, but many are just making ends meet so that's not an option). There must be other ways to encourage cultural awareness when we don't live near diversity and cannot afford to be globe-trotters.
February 4, 2025
A Biblically sound book on what it means to raise our kids to become more like Christ. Each chapter has principles on how to be intentional with our parenting. And just like any principle, it takes time and practice to adopt and develop. What I enjoyed most in my reading is how Shelly Wildman backs up each of her principles with parenting models found in the Bible (both the good and bad). Wildman's heart is to honor and glorify Christ in her own life, and to have her kids grow up and do the same. Adopting such a heart was difficult for Wildman as she expressed in the book, but is one where draws nearer to Christ. I found myself also drawing nearer to Him while reading. Thank you.
May 3, 2018
Wildman's book is thoughtful, clear, and smart. She avoids strategies and formulas and instead encourages parents to be intentional and proactive. This book is unabashedly faith-based but by no means shrill or rigid. In fact, chapter one was perhaps my favorite. In it, the author "confesses" that her family repeatedly failed at doing traditional family devotionals, which often serves as a litmus test for Christian parents. There's lots of freedom and wisdom in this book. (The only disappointment for me was the lack of ethnically diverse experiences.)
January 21, 2020
This book is an excellent read, and should be at the TOP of your gift-giving list for new parents!
A gifted writer and communicator, Shelly Wildman provides substantive counsel to parents who desire to be intentional in raising their children. There's no fluff here, just solid, insightful content that will help you along the way. I so wish I had had this book when my children were still under my roof. But now, it's something I can hand to those who are still in the trenches!
A gifted writer and communicator, Shelly Wildman provides substantive counsel to parents who desire to be intentional in raising their children. There's no fluff here, just solid, insightful content that will help you along the way. I so wish I had had this book when my children were still under my roof. But now, it's something I can hand to those who are still in the trenches!
April 24, 2018
"First Ask Why" by Shelly Wildman offers parents a grace-filled and wise guide for examining the WHY behind their parenting decisions. As the parent of three adult children, Wildman brings much-needed perspective to the important discussion about how we parent children who will seek to live gospel-centered lives.
January 10, 2019
Great ideas here
I appreciate the overall concept of this book and it's given me a lot of food for thought. I thought it was a bit wordy, so only gave 3 stars.
I appreciate the overall concept of this book and it's given me a lot of food for thought. I thought it was a bit wordy, so only gave 3 stars.
December 15, 2019
Excellent book on parenting
My review: https://praiseproclaimer.com/2018/04/...
My review: https://praiseproclaimer.com/2018/04/...
October 6, 2020
Took barely any notes. I must have been so captivated by the book that I barely stopped to jot them down. This is the only note I took:
“Richard Foster says in Celebration of Discipline, “In service we must experience the many little deaths of going beyond ourselves. Service banishes us to the mundane, the ordinary, the trivial.””
“Richard Foster says in Celebration of Discipline, “In service we must experience the many little deaths of going beyond ourselves. Service banishes us to the mundane, the ordinary, the trivial.””
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews