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The Vital Touch: How Intimate Contact With Your Baby Leads To Happier, Healthier Development
Using a lively array of anthropological and sociological sources, The Vital Touch presents a provocative examination of the reasons why, now more than ever, we need to make consistent physical connections with our infants and children.
- GenresParentingNonfiction
288 pages, Paperback
First published October 17, 1997
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
August 4, 2014
"This book is about the continuous battle between our genes and our culture," so begins Dr. Sharon Heller in the introduction of _The Vital Touch_. And with that lead-in you can only guess where things go from there! _The Vital Touch_ was required reading for my DONA-approved post-partum doula training so I read it when my daughter was about five months old. While the book spends plenty of time on newborns, it is an appropriate (and I would say, important) read for anyone with a baby under 1 year. Disclaimer: _The Vital Touch_is almost 20 years old and while I would normally steer clear of recommending older resources, I feel very strongly that the knowledge it contains is both relevant and crucial for new parents to access.
As the title would tell you, Heller offers plenty of evidence in support of being physically and emotionally engaged with your baby. But one of the strongest aspects of the book I think is in her comparison with how the US compares with other countries in terms of how we care and respond to babies. For example: Heller tells us that American babies are among the least held babies in the world. Knowing how the US ranks in terms of infant mortality, I think this statistic, while almost twenty years old, is likely still true, sadly. With stories, facts and figures, Heller gently prompts us to look closely at what is lost when babies needs are ignored or attended to in less a way than they should be. Frankly, it is fascinating.
And there's no easy answer here. As I've said before here and here, here too is that we need to redirect fault away from mom and toward a society which doesn't set new moms up with the tools that we need for success when our baby is born. That's a problem. I believe that most moms make decisions that they believe are best for their child. So while Heller addresses many of the issues that I've discussed before in terms of the culture of absence that new moms are born into, there isn't the same call to action that Katrina Alcorn offers readers in _Maxed Out_. I'm okay with this, however, because: 1) Heller's strength is really that of an anthropologist and educator and she does such an outstanding job in these areas and 2) in 1997, there just wasn't a concerted effort or public urgency around organizing for societal change for moms that we see today.
_The Vital Touch_is a truly must-read for any new parent. But it feels especially relevant for new parents who are curious about child development in their baby. Heller is accessible, compassionate and curious...all of which make _The Vital Touch_not only an engaging but a relatively easy one too.
Is there a book that you are curious about that you'd like me to review? Leave me a comment below.
Update: I did email Dr. Heller and ask if she planned to do an updated version of The Vital Touch and she wrote back with this: "no updated version. Publishers don't do this unless books sell volumes and unfortunately this one hasn't. But thanks for reaching out & for your support!" Never hurts to ask. :-)
As the title would tell you, Heller offers plenty of evidence in support of being physically and emotionally engaged with your baby. But one of the strongest aspects of the book I think is in her comparison with how the US compares with other countries in terms of how we care and respond to babies. For example: Heller tells us that American babies are among the least held babies in the world. Knowing how the US ranks in terms of infant mortality, I think this statistic, while almost twenty years old, is likely still true, sadly. With stories, facts and figures, Heller gently prompts us to look closely at what is lost when babies needs are ignored or attended to in less a way than they should be. Frankly, it is fascinating.
And there's no easy answer here. As I've said before here and here, here too is that we need to redirect fault away from mom and toward a society which doesn't set new moms up with the tools that we need for success when our baby is born. That's a problem. I believe that most moms make decisions that they believe are best for their child. So while Heller addresses many of the issues that I've discussed before in terms of the culture of absence that new moms are born into, there isn't the same call to action that Katrina Alcorn offers readers in _Maxed Out_. I'm okay with this, however, because: 1) Heller's strength is really that of an anthropologist and educator and she does such an outstanding job in these areas and 2) in 1997, there just wasn't a concerted effort or public urgency around organizing for societal change for moms that we see today.
_The Vital Touch_is a truly must-read for any new parent. But it feels especially relevant for new parents who are curious about child development in their baby. Heller is accessible, compassionate and curious...all of which make _The Vital Touch_not only an engaging but a relatively easy one too.
Is there a book that you are curious about that you'd like me to review? Leave me a comment below.
Update: I did email Dr. Heller and ask if she planned to do an updated version of The Vital Touch and she wrote back with this: "no updated version. Publishers don't do this unless books sell volumes and unfortunately this one hasn't. But thanks for reaching out & for your support!" Never hurts to ask. :-)
September 12, 2025
This 1997 book is a toned down and much more science focused version of The Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness Lost, by Jean Liedloff from 1975.
This book does a good job of considering how we could apply the knowledge that small children need more holding than they are currently getting in most Western societies. Heller has written many interesting chapters devoted to topics that are much more attuned to present concerns. However I believe this book is less persuasive than its predecessor. It's also far less controversial.
Heller continually shys away from calling for a broad change in caregiving until near the end of the book. She hems and haws and seeks to equally critique and appease all of the different factions with ideas about child care. This makes it difficult to identify her message.
On literally the second to last page she finally admits:
(p. 234) "Yet, I can't deny that this book is a call to arms and that the victory parade I envisage will be a march through the malls with more babies strapped on our hips, our backs, our fronts, or shoulders. I believe this will be good for all babies - and especially those content only when held. Each tender touch buys love stock kept in a permanent reserve, always there to be drawn from. What better future security could parents offer?"
It's my understanding that the science behind the inadvisability of separating mother and infant has only become more conclusive since this book was written. For a more modern scientific look at the present situation, I recommend: Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters
This book does a good job of considering how we could apply the knowledge that small children need more holding than they are currently getting in most Western societies. Heller has written many interesting chapters devoted to topics that are much more attuned to present concerns. However I believe this book is less persuasive than its predecessor. It's also far less controversial.
Heller continually shys away from calling for a broad change in caregiving until near the end of the book. She hems and haws and seeks to equally critique and appease all of the different factions with ideas about child care. This makes it difficult to identify her message.
On literally the second to last page she finally admits:
(p. 234) "Yet, I can't deny that this book is a call to arms and that the victory parade I envisage will be a march through the malls with more babies strapped on our hips, our backs, our fronts, or shoulders. I believe this will be good for all babies - and especially those content only when held. Each tender touch buys love stock kept in a permanent reserve, always there to be drawn from. What better future security could parents offer?"
It's my understanding that the science behind the inadvisability of separating mother and infant has only become more conclusive since this book was written. For a more modern scientific look at the present situation, I recommend: Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters
February 18, 2026
Sooo much information and detail, but presented in a way that was actually interesting and not boring. Part 1 was the most impactful of the 3 parts for me. This is a book that I will definitely remember and will have an impact on my parenting. To me the two most important things that I took away from this was: hold your baby and be a consistent mother. After reading this I will be more convicted in those things.
However what I didn’t love about this was the overall pessimistic demeanor towards American parenting and the glorification of tribes/Mayans/the Japanese/etc etc. For example in the sensory chapter I really struggled with the author presenting all this information about how different cultures interact with infants better than the ‘anglos’ but then just casually throws in, “and a fussy baby would be abandoned by the tribe because it would pose a security threat.” Uhhh okay, in the 21st century we can’t abandon our babies because they are fussy. So what’s the alternative?? What’s the solution here? And then later on the author says again that half of babies don’t make it past childhood years in the Kung Tribe. But the whole book was talking about the extols of how amazing they are at raising babies…. Head scratcher for me. Is it because of disease? Neglect? Some more context there would be helpful.
This is an older book, so obviously some stuff is outdated but I appreciate the general message and sentiment. I took away a lot of good things from it, but the author had a very one track perspective which sometimes made it hard for me to listen to her advice when she speaks in such absolutes and doesn’t offer solutions (in my opinion) to very real issues.
However what I didn’t love about this was the overall pessimistic demeanor towards American parenting and the glorification of tribes/Mayans/the Japanese/etc etc. For example in the sensory chapter I really struggled with the author presenting all this information about how different cultures interact with infants better than the ‘anglos’ but then just casually throws in, “and a fussy baby would be abandoned by the tribe because it would pose a security threat.” Uhhh okay, in the 21st century we can’t abandon our babies because they are fussy. So what’s the alternative?? What’s the solution here? And then later on the author says again that half of babies don’t make it past childhood years in the Kung Tribe. But the whole book was talking about the extols of how amazing they are at raising babies…. Head scratcher for me. Is it because of disease? Neglect? Some more context there would be helpful.
This is an older book, so obviously some stuff is outdated but I appreciate the general message and sentiment. I took away a lot of good things from it, but the author had a very one track perspective which sometimes made it hard for me to listen to her advice when she speaks in such absolutes and doesn’t offer solutions (in my opinion) to very real issues.
July 18, 2022
The best book in my parenting arsenal so far. I found this book to be fascinating and it gave scientific backing to the parenting methods I hope to utilize.
I would love to read an updated version that includes more recent studies and findings, but even the older results are hard to argue with, so I still find this resource invaluable.
Definitely my #1 recommendation to any expecting or new parent.
I would love to read an updated version that includes more recent studies and findings, but even the older results are hard to argue with, so I still find this resource invaluable.
Definitely my #1 recommendation to any expecting or new parent.
December 30, 2019
This is a must-read for parents and birthworkers. It explores the nature of touch cross culturally and talks about the problems with Western culture's touch deprivation on infant development. I learned a lot from this book as a person who works with people to heal around touch trauma. Would greatly recommend!
March 27, 2018
Years ago I read this and it influenced the way we parented our infants. I never regret holding them close. They grew up so fast, I treasure those moments in my heart still.
March 8, 2024
This book changed everything about the way I parented my children
July 12, 2025
Lots of good information but the evolutionary perspective was too much for me. It also seemed there were a lot of times she contradicted herself from one chapter to the next.
August 23, 2007
This book had a wealth of knowledge about the power of touch to an infant. There was lots of supporting research and stats to emphasize the importance of touch for a developing baby. I really enjoyed the comparisons of American culture to that of other cultures and how they raise their infants and how this effects the moods and development of the child. It also discusses the many benefits to cosleep which I'm a huge supporter of. This book explains how touch can stimulate your baby's development, increases digestion and keeps baby stimulated and strong. If you are pregnant or have a small child, you should read this book. It will help you overcome the stigma that comes with cosleeping, holding your baby "too much", etc. Follow your maternal instinct and do what you feel is best for your baby, which I can't imagine being crying for mama and her not responding!!!! Bond baby bond!!!!
January 1, 2009
This is probably the most well researched book on parenting babies I have ever read. The author incorporates biological, anthropological, sociological, psychological and medical research- very well rounded- and she was still able to be diplomatic in regards to the "needs" and habits of modern society (more than I would be had I written the book!). In summation: love and hold and nurse and sleep with your babe as much as you can- touch them: massage them: skin to skin- it's all oh so good for brain development- having impacts on intelligence and emotional well-being.
July 18, 2012
I wish I had read this book before giving birth, though I'm glad I followed my instincts, which were moving me towards lots of physical contact with my baby through nursing, carrying, and letting him fall asleep in my arms. This book was intellectual inspiration for me to continue to attune to my baby and experience parenting in an embodied manner. The cross-cultural comparisons were fascinating, and occasionally they were slightly inaccurate, though the book was published in 1997 and much has changed since then. There were controversial topics, and I'm glad Heller addresed them. I recommend this book to all parents of infants.
January 5, 2009
This book took me a while to get through b/c I was only reading a few pages a night while I nursed, but it was almost better that way b/c I found it so thought-provoking and I would discuss it with my husband most nights. I really found it reassuring that this book underscored some of the values of attachment parenting in such a well-researched way. I will feel more confident when my next child comes along in following my maternal instinct and giving my baby all the love I want to, without feeling guilty that I might be "spoiling" him/her.
June 30, 2014
Probably the most depressing book I have ever read. The research is densely packed and very detailed which usually earns a book on a topic like this a great rating, yet the take home messages are few and far between. This book would benefit greatly from a recap of highlights at the end of each chapter or a summary of best practices. I can imagine this boom would scare many parents into believing there are a 1001 ways to endanger the parent child bond and that perfection still is not enough to adequately love and protect one's baby.
January 27, 2016
One of the most thought provoking, life changing books I have ever read. Throwing out the blatantly unchristian philosophy in the book, I was able to look at the research and understand mother baby relationships in a new light. It made me realize that most of what I did as a parent was cultural and not necessarily Biblical. I then went back to the Bible and figured out what the Bible said about parenting and parenting principles were based on social norms of the Christian American culture. This gave me freedom in the decisions I made as a parent.
November 4, 2009
This is a classic and a must read for all parents-to-be. Despite imparting a large quantity of information, it is very readable and engaging, except for the details of studies a that required children to cry a lot and receive little care or attention...those were hard to read. However, discussions of our weird body/sexuality issues in America and how childrearing is so little supported by the extended family/community-at-large are spot on.
October 19, 2007
Another source to support evidence based practice of skin to skin contact (also known as kangaroo care). I love how the book connects how touch-related experiences in infancy and early childhood impact our whole lives!
March 12, 2008
This book made me think about my parenting style in relation to U.S. culture. There are many taboos surrounding co-sleeping and other practices that are considered normal in other countries. It gave me food for thought.
June 9, 2012
More academic than a lot of the child care books I have read, but very interesting, esp. as I have some sensory issues myself. It's not a difficult read, by any means, just more statistics and academic language than some.
October 15, 2014
This is a good book on an important topic, but I think an expectant mother would grow impatient with its philosophical style and bland format. A good choice when looking for a book that supports co-sleeping.
February 22, 2009
What my gut has told me all along isn't far off base! Great information supporting breastfeeding, cosleeping and attachment parenting.
April 10, 2014
Brilliant book on the importance of touch. Many academic examples given and lots of cultural differences are examined with a magnifying glass.
September 24, 2015
The science to show why is ok to hold your baby and show unconditional love. It's IMPOSSIBLE to spoil a baby with
Affection! Amazing book for parents
Affection! Amazing book for parents
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews